FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Chivalry

Chivalry

By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

Do you think it's an outdated notion...obviously not talking knights in shining armour etc.

The holding doors open, offering a seat,a coat of your cold, carrying bags.

My new partner is very chivalrous and it prompted a conversation with my teenager.. she said its insulting to women.

Personally I find it lovely... He will often open the car door before I get in it. Always will grab the basket, bags to carry or gives me the lighter ones. Will open doors for me etc and when we were out and I was still cold offered me his coat ( I refused and I already had my coat and jumper )

When we were out he held a door open for a lady and she commented how lovely it was but then the next day a woman tutted.. ( to be fair he holds doors open for men too not just women)

So is it outdated or still lovely

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lovely in my eyes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If chivalry ever goes out of date then I don’t want to know about it

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I dislike it and find it outmoded. I (before anyone criticises me) am polite when people do those things, but if it's likely to repeat I'll ask them not to. I prefer respect and consideration, not on gendered grounds.

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

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By *mmixtapeCouple over a year ago

middle earth

I love it, it is the nicest thing in my opinion.

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By *oney_Bee_xTV/TS over a year ago

Teesside

I’m very chivalrous and a bit of a Kind and Gentle Soul.

Most women have been very pleasant and said thank you and gave me a big Smile.

I’ve only had one or two remarks from Women who I’ve held the door open for, or when let them through first. I’ve hear things along the lines of :

‘Get Lost’

‘I can open my own door thank you very much’

This won’t stop me from carrying on being chivalrous though, because those few were ‘the Bad Eggs’.

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By *oney_Bee_xTV/TS over a year ago

Teesside

To be honest, I’ll hold the door open and even run to help someone open the door if I see them carrying something heavy, or have their hands full, regardless of their Sex, Race, etc

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

"I’m very chivalrous and a bit of a Kind and Gentle Soul.

Most women have been very pleasant and said thank you and gave me a big Smile.

I’ve only had one or two remarks from Women who I’ve held the door open for, or when let them through first. I’ve hear things along the lines of :

‘Get Lost’

‘I can open my own door thank you very much’

This won’t stop me from carrying on being chivalrous though, because those few were ‘the Bad Eggs’."
my daughter wouldnt say it out loud but she does think the " I can open my own door" she says it's as bad as wolf whistles

I have tried to argue the plus sides but accept she thinks differently. Thankfully she now doesnt see it as creepy just a different way of being

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Chivalry isn't dead it's just not taught anymore. I'm old school to some degree, brought up with good manners, courtesy & politeness being insisted upon & very important.

It's still out there but not so much these days.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not outdated at all, it's good manners in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do some things as a general rule to all, not based on gender.

If I'm exiting a door and someone enters at the same time I'll hold it open for them and wait.

If I'm shopping and I have a trolly full, but someone behind me only has a couple of items I'll let them go first.

Or if someone needs a seat on a bus I'll give them mine and I'll stand.

Some things are ok in a romantic setting, like allowing them sit first etc

But as a general rule I wouldn't constantly open a door for someone or the other things in the OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dislike it and find it outmoded. I (before anyone criticises me) am polite when people do those things, but if it's likely to repeat I'll ask them not to. I prefer respect and consideration, not on gendered grounds.

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own."

I'm inclined to agree with this. I appreciate why other people like it but it doesn't float my boat.

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By *rispyDuckMan over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I think it's a wonderful thing long as it's there is a 'thank you' at the end of the kind gesture

used to hold doors & offer my chair for some old bats at my work place haha. After a while there was not even a thank you but it became expected of me to offer (entitlement). So I stopped & now they think I'm a bastard

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"To be honest, I’ll hold the door open and even run to help someone open the door if I see them carrying something heavy, or have their hands full, regardless of their Sex, Race, etc"

I appreciate this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own."

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

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By *oney_Bee_xTV/TS over a year ago

Teesside

[Removed by poster at 13/12/20 14:35:04]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think chivalry is dead, and it's something I practice often, but as others have said, it's not a deed, but a mindset and really it's just being poilte.

But OP, I can kind of see where your daughter is coming from. In an age where gender equality is a cause of the times, how did you explain to your daughter that a man holding a door open, when she is more than capable herself is acceptable.

Do we live in a time where we should stop using the word chivalrous and instead refer back to it as common manners and politeness, where men and women can hold the door or carry the shopping for one another.

BTW, for anyone reading, I hold doors, and carry shopping, I'm a chivalrous guy. But I am also the dad of two daughters living in a world that is very gender inbalanced. How can we tell our daughters they can do anything, but that it's ok to let guys hold doors for them? is that not an oxymoron?

It's an interesting topic OP and I would love to see what others think.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too."

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I don't think chivalry is dead, and it's something I practice often, but as others have said, it's not a deed, but a mindset and really it's just being poilte.

It's an interesting topic OP and I would love to see what others think."

I hold doors and offer seats based on need (and sometimes older/elderly men get really upset with me!). I'm very much about respect and manners - I think "chivalry" has too much baggage.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too."

Agree with that. And I think it's lovely, respect, kindness, chivalry there can never be enough of it

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By *oney_Bee_xTV/TS over a year ago

Teesside

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?"

Chivalry and Respect are the same thing to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Chivalry has been refined women can be chivalrous too. It's how you look at chivalry that is your own notion on it. It just being a decent human being in the end.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There’s nothing wrong with it but I think the concept is dead. I’ve half jokingly said in the past that Mrs thatcher and girl power killed chivalry.

I do believe in politeness though. Manners cost nothing, as my grandmother always used to say.

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By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

How can showing respect and being kind be considered as being outdated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can see why some see it as outdated as men’s and women are now seen as more equal than ever (though still progress to be made in many ways).

I love it, though not to the extemes- I dated a guy who would literally jump out of the car and race around to open my door, it pissed me off.

Holding doors, carrying heavier items, offering a coat etc. I don’t NEED them, but if it’s done in a genuine way then I appreciate it and it speaks volumes about their personality IMO.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do we live in a time where we should stop using the word chivalrous and instead refer back to it as common manners and politeness, where men and women can hold the door or carry the shopping for one another.

It's an interesting topic OP and I would love to see what others think."

I think to do away with the term is the thin edge of the wedge. To not challenge kids viewpoints (challenge being explain, question) on such things gradually erodes things like good manners, politeness etc. Small things I know, but small things grow bigger and eventually you're living in a society that is on the whole self centered, wanting to know what's in it for them before they'll do things.

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By *igmaMan over a year ago

Yorkshire

Dead

RIP

I just hold doors open for mates and other guys now. They’re all usually quite grateful and say things like... cheers mate

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like it.

I'm always polite in return

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It kinda irks me when holding a door open is used as an example.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I can see why some see it as outdated as men’s and women are now seen as more equal than ever (though still progress to be made in many ways).

I love it, though not to the extemes- I dated a guy who would literally jump out of the car and race around to open my door, it pissed me off.

Holding doors, carrying heavier items, offering a coat etc. I don’t NEED them, but if it’s done in a genuine way then I appreciate it and it speaks volumes about their personality IMO."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It kinda irks me when holding a door open is used as an example. "

yes, it's not a great example, but the most easily accessible to all.

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By *ermite12ukMan over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

Was on a crowded bus once and a woman got on and I pointed to my lap, to see if she wanted my seat? The look of 'you dirty old perve' I will never forget. But I honestly didn't mean it that way.

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By *rivateparts!Man over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

Sorry I'm old fashioned and I was brought up to be polite and be a gentleman to ladies, good manners cost nothing and I also do my best to let the lady cum first.

Though in these trying times I can't see that happens when the occasion arises

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think some see chivalry as in some way being demeaning to a woman which I really don't get. Does holding a door open for someone mean they're not capable of doing it themself? Erm nope, it's just being polite! I hold doors open for guys all the time and never get a shitty reaction!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not chivalrous I'm well mannered, everybody gets treated with respect and politeness until they they show me otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you can make someone day by just being courteous a simple smile while opening a door. You never know what that person is going through in life sometimes they smile and say thank you Sometimes they don't. I go for the prior approach. Because you never know how far a act of kindness can go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?"

My definition is that that chivalry recognises the fundamental differences between genders, whereas respect sometimes equalizes without regard. Both are good.

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By *lim and louiseCouple over a year ago

dromore

Always do,when out shopping even carried a bag of shopping for one lady,my Mrs was laughing her head off.

I've been known to ask if they need help reaching for a tin or something in the supermarket,nothing wrong with it,costs nothing too

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By *ichaelsmyMan over a year ago

douglas

one of my young nephews held the door open for a "lady", she barged though and pushed a niece out of the way and made some self entitled comment about how insulting it was to have them hold the door open.

following them through the next door was me, who stood in the door (blocking it) and she demanded that i hold the door open and let her through.

rudeness and ignorance on her part was treated as such and she was told to wait for the people coming through to keep going. amazing how many people will follow someone through and say thank you, with a smile on their faces, while she had to wait.

i had a knee operation a couple of years ago and ended up on the bus home from an appoinment. huge leg bandage and on crutches. i lost count of the people who tried to give me their seat, from 6 years old to 80 years old. i couldnt even bend my leg to sit down.

it isnt a question of being chivalrous, it is more a question of rudeness, ignorance and being self entitled.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I prefer to let doors slam in people’s faces. Let me never be accused of being chivalrous.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like it.

My ex had a big 4wd pickup truck thing and dogs. The seats had hairs on so he had a big cloth he’d cover the passenger seat with so I didn’t get dog hair on my outfit when he took me out.

He’d open the door for me to get in.

Carry everything heavy.

I loved it.

I loved him..... still do a bit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its nice as long as women don't think their entitled to it and men don't feel like they have to do it. Works both ways, men deserved to be looked after too

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

My definition is that that chivalry recognises the fundamental differences between genders, whereas respect sometimes equalizes without regard. Both are good."

If we use that definition then I find chivalry offensive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its nice as long as women don't think their entitled to it and men don't feel like they have to do it. Works both ways, men deserved to be looked after too

I loved ironing his shirt and then watching him put it on as we got ready to go out.... phwoar

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely it's simply nice to be nice? Why does everything have to be reduced to some kind of gender issue. If you let a door swing back on someone,don't say thank you if someone holds it for you, ignore someone in need of assistance/a seat whatever then you're just an ignorant barsteward. End of.

Common bloody decency to help wherever and whoever be it man, woman or beast.

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By *moothman2000Man over a year ago

Leicestershire

I hold doors open for anyone regardless of age or gender.

It's polite and costs me nothing.

I was struggling to get something particularly awkward and heavy up my front steps and through my front door a few weeks ago and a strsnger driving past stopped and asked me if I needed a hand.

It took 2 minutes with both of us and would have taken me a lot longer on my own.

I thanked him and he just shrugged and said if the tables were turned, just do the same for someone else.

Chivalry may be an outdated concept these days, but it shouldn't be dismissed.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I like and appreciate it, and in turn offer the same small courtesies to others. I think the term may be a little outdated as most associate it with the behaviour of men towards women, but I certainly don't think the behaviour should become outdated in any part of society.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

My definition is that that chivalry recognises the fundamental differences between genders, whereas respect sometimes equalizes without regard. Both are good.

If we use that definition then I find chivalry offensive."

How very modern of you.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

My definition is that that chivalry recognises the fundamental differences between genders, whereas respect sometimes equalizes without regard. Both are good.

If we use that definition then I find chivalry offensive.

How very modern of you."

Nah. I'm postmodern and deconstructing the paradigm

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

"Its nice as long as women don't think their entitled to it and men don't feel like they have to do it. Works both ways, men deserved to be looked after too

I loved ironing his shirt and then watching him put it on as we got ready to go out.... phwoar

"
yes I like things like this too and more recently. I really enjoyed making sure his dinner was cooked and ready for when he got home from a rather hard shift.. then flashed him a stocking top. He had never experienced that apparently..and it made me think mmm

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

From my experience and observation, women who most have issues with these gestures of common decency are feminists who see the "patriarchy" around every corner.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"From my experience and observation, women who most have issues with these gestures of common decency are feminists who see the "patriarchy" around every corner.

Kyriarchy. Do keep up.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"From my experience and observation, women who most have issues with these gestures of common decency are feminists who see the "patriarchy" around every corner.

Kyriarchy. Do keep up."

Apologies. I'm not woke enough

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t mind

Jesus - worse things to get annoyed about

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"From my experience and observation, women who most have issues with these gestures of common decency are feminists who see the "patriarchy" around every corner.

Kyriarchy. Do keep up.

Apologies. I'm not woke enough

Well, evidently. It's only a 30-odd year old paradigm.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

Its lovely x

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"From my experience and observation, women who most have issues with these gestures of common decency are feminists who see the "patriarchy" around every corner.

Kyriarchy. Do keep up.

Apologies. I'm not woke enough

Well, evidently. It's only a 30-odd year old paradigm."

Points to you for such profound knowledge

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

I like it. So many people don’t even say thank you these days. I find ithat so rude.

So long as it doesn’t bother you that’s the main thing - enjoy it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think much of the difficulty is born out of the word itself, as it conjures up images of knights, maidens and dragons and Sir Walter Raleigh covering puddles with his cape. The word is heteronormative and implies the norm of heterosexual courtship and coupling.

However the actions associated are good deeds and have no need to be gender specific. Our use of the word clings to outmoded assumptions about thoughtful and kind human behaviour and as such constrains our thinking.

We need a world with more thoughtfulness, kindness and mutual caring.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own."

Jesus wept

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Being the perfect gentleman, I always bear the weight on my elbows

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

"I think much of the difficulty is born out of the word itself, as it conjures up images of knights, maidens and dragons and Sir Walter Raleigh covering puddles with his cape. The word is heteronormative and implies the norm of heterosexual courtship and coupling.

We need a world with more thoughtfulness, kindness and mutual caring."

I do think that the word does it mo favours but then I'm enjoying having a man that Pampers me like a princess do perhaps I'm a tad biased lol

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

We need a world with more thoughtfulness, kindness and mutual caring."

I emphatically agree.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We need a world with more thoughtfulness, kindness and mutual caring.

I do think that the word does it mo favours but then I'm enjoying having a man that Pampers me like a princess do perhaps I'm a tad biased lol"

I enjoy being pampered too. It’s not a one way street

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

We need a world with more thoughtfulness, kindness and mutual caring.

I do think that the word does it mo favours but then I'm enjoying having a man that Pampers me like a princess do perhaps I'm a tad biased lol

I enjoy being pampered too. It’s not a one way street

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

I enjoy being pampered too. It’s not a one way street

"
I think most of us do. Normally for me it has always been a one way thing from me to them though. So enjoying it both ways

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I enjoy being pampered too. It’s not a one way street

I think most of us do. Normally for me it has always been a one way thing from me to them though. So enjoying it both ways "

I’m all for mutual pampering

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

From a child I learned good manners from my mother and father.

I always do the right thing

I’m not interest if a feminist ideology tries to hijack good manners, it’s not a sexist thing to display good manners

I taught my children the same good manners and I do enjoy hearing when people tell me that my children are well mannered

I don’t run around cars to open a door or pull out chairs, but if I’m on that side of table or car I will

I give my wife my jacket if she’s cold or wet,the window seat and actually try to get to a door first to open it for her.

I do notice a great lack of manners and consideration from younger generations.The selfishness of seeing to themselves, putting themselves first.

In fact the lack of manners is one of the triggers that make me angry and rudeness is a real red rag

I’ve never had anyone object to a door being opened or waived through first, maybe up north we are simpler or less sophisticated

I must say I’ve had those Crocodile Dundee moments when you say hello to people who aren’t used to civility

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to admit one of my triggers is swearing, especially when there are females present. Yes I know it's an old fashioned outlook but I was brought up in a family that didn't swear, I don't swear and (as far as I am aware), neither do my children. It irritates me immensely when out and about to hear people do so, especially as I say if there are females(and children) around. There is simply no excuse for it, it is the height of ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?"

One is code of conduct the other one based on others feeling.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

One is code of conduct the other one based on others feeling. "

I think blanket rules applied to all people is suboptimal. Why not base behaviour on perceived need and desire? Like I help guys carry heavy things, but back off if they get grouchy that a woman would help. It's not rocket surgery.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I could understand your daughter point of view if it’s constant and too obvious. It might be interpreted as sexist or paternalistic.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I like good manners but sometimes all this opening doors, offering up a seat etc it's too much.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Isn't it just being nice to people? Some of it I find a bit unnecessary as I am a big strong girl but personally I think it should go both ways, especially when you care about someone.

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By *rmrs1234Couple over a year ago

Waterford

"From my experience and observation, women who most have issues with these gestures of common decency are feminists who see the "patriarchy" around every corner.

Kyriarchy. Do keep up.

Apologies. I'm not woke enough

Well, evidently. It's only a 30-odd year old paradigm.

Points to you for such profound knowledge

To be fair Swing is knowledgeable in a lot of aspects and often offers great advice and perspectives about all sorts of things. its not unknown

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yup Fab illuminati, treat her with the utmost respect fellas and you'll be rewarded.

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Close By

Some interesting comments here....

I dont do it because I'm trying to get into someone knickers or because of their gender. I do it because its good manners.... as is being thankful for someone doing those things.

I've taught my kids that these are good things to do as human beings

I'm right

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

One is code of conduct the other one based on others feeling.

Totally agreed, this is why we moved from chivalry to simple respect. The op used a old fashioned concept which upset her daughter because it’s based on the gender. A woman can’t be chivalry as it’s from the concept of chevalier, men knights.

I am happy for you to carry my bags or opening a door for me anytime I won’t be grouchy about it...

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

Chivalry is not just a man's domain, women are perfectly capable of being chivalrous too.

What's the difference between chivalry and respect?

One is code of conduct the other one based on others feeling.

I am happy for you to carry my bags or opening a door for me anytime I won’t be grouchy about it... "

I'm absolutely with you. I'm all about respect

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By *orbidden eastMan over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Never I’ve been doing this all my life. it does not cost anything

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Always chivalrous, manners aren't hard to find and can get you far

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I purposely wouldn’t go near a woman who wants a ‘gentleman’

The princess attitude sickens me. It should always be very equal in effort and not just take take take.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In essence, chivalry was a code of ethics and practice, of which good manners, courtesy, kindness, generosity and respect are paramount. A lot of which is still relevant today, and embraced by the modern gentlemen, of which I would consider myself.

While it doesn’t have to be gender biased, it typically manifests itself in such ways to be seen as such. I can understand why this may upset the modern feminist, with whom I can sympathise, even if I don’t fully agree. While I celebrate and support the feminist ideal, at heart I’m also an incurable romantic. So yes, at times I am conflicted.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan over a year ago

Kent

I was brought up this way and my father and grandfather would have serious issues if they didn’t think I opened doors / offered seats etc.

It just how I was brought up.

However, several times I have been told by women in trains etc that I’m being sexist or they are no less than me etc so I think opinions are changing but I find it difficult not to do it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In essence, chivalry was a code of ethics and practice, of which good manners, courtesy, kindness, generosity and respect are paramount. A lot of which is still relevant today, and embraced by the modern gentlemen, of which I would consider myself.

Because you won’t open a car door to a man, ask to carry his bag if you see he’s struggling, open a door and let him pass you, all based on the assumption she’s weaker than you or not able to do it herself.

I am not feminist but I first guess their answers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm old fashioned but old dogs can't learn new tricks...blah blah blah. I think my 'chivalry' has simply become habits. Things like walking on the outside of the pavement, walking a lady to her door, standing when one approaches or leaves a table, etc amongst the standard ones of holding doors, etc. I feel very uncomfortable when I try to resist doing them. It is almost impossible for me to let a lady walk on the road side of the pavement when I am on the inside next to her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a strong romantic streak, but maybe we need to be increasingly creative in how we display romanticism, rather than unawarely perpetuating archaic practices.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you need to adapt depending the woman and never presume all women want chivalry/gentleman.

I like to be gentleman outside animal bastard in the bedroom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care."
Such a noble sentiment

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think you need to adapt depending the woman and never presume all women want chivalry/gentleman. "

Absolutely! And I can appreciate a kind intention (even if I still ask someone to stop if I think it's going to keep happening)

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

The modern meaning in the dictionary is “ very polite, honest, and kind behaviour, especially by men towards women”, so although mentions one gender to another, it works both ways.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I like to think of myself a a gentleman.

However, others values can differ, it’s my nature and I ain’t about to change it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care."

oxymoron, I left oxy just because I care

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care."

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you need to adapt depending the woman and never presume all women want chivalry/gentleman.

Absolutely! And I can appreciate a kind intention (even if I still ask someone to stop if I think it's going to keep happening)"

Thanks

Also I do like how you do your courtesy-22/04 pic

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective."

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think you need to adapt depending the woman and never presume all women want chivalry/gentleman.

Absolutely! And I can appreciate a kind intention (even if I still ask someone to stop if I think it's going to keep happening)

Thanks

Also I do like how you do your courtesy-22/04 pic

Thank you

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

But it's a matter of personal preference and to each their own.

I'm inclined to agree with this. I appreciate why other people like it but it doesn't float my boat."

I'm in this club too. I am fine with offering assistance, such as holding a door open, to any gender, but doing certain things just because I'm a woman? No, thank you.

I have a different perspective too. Using a wheelchair out and about, a lot of people (of all genders) assume I need lots of help. Actually, I don't. The reason I have the chair is because it enables me to be independent. I can do all sorts of things in/from my chair. I certainly do not need anyone to put my trolley back or put bags in the car, etc.

Even more than anything, do NOT touch my chair. Do not. Touching my chair and trying to push me where you think I should go is tantamount to assault in my eyes. You wouldn't seize someone on foot by the elbow and drag them around, so please don't push my chair. If I look like I'm struggling, I might be, but to date, there's been nowhere and nothing I've not managed to fathom out. I'd rather struggle and get there on my own, thank you (however odd that might sound). Mr KC has been openly criticised by random people in the street for standing aside and letting me struggle up a gravel path, for example. But that's what I want and he knows that. I got up in the end. We didn't need "advice" or people trying to touch me.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I have a strong romantic streak, but maybe we need to be increasingly creative in how we display romanticism, rather than unawarely perpetuating archaic practices."

This, what YeOldWitchDoctor said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to? "

No, of course not, but I never ask a stranger beforehand, 'would you like me to hold this door for you or let it slam in your face?'

Just last week at the tip I saw two men struggling to get a large mattress into a skip. The older guy dropped his end and I instinctively helped them with it.

Manners are part of what makes us human.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to?

No, of course not, but I never ask a stranger beforehand, 'would you like me to hold this door for you or let it slam in your face?'

Just last week at the tip I saw two men struggling to get a large mattress into a skip. The older guy dropped his end and I instinctively helped them with it.

Manners are part of what makes us human. "

I’d call that being helpful, not chivalry.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to?

No, of course not, but I never ask a stranger beforehand, 'would you like me to hold this door for you or let it slam in your face?'

Just last week at the tip I saw two men struggling to get a large mattress into a skip. The older guy dropped his end and I instinctively helped them with it.

Manners are part of what makes us human. "

Yes, but the whole argument here - except for those who are equivocating - seems to be about gendered patterns of behaviour. Men doing it for women in particular ways.

I hold doors when appropriate, help people lift things, etc. (And back off if asked to) I think everyone should if they can and they haven't been asked not to. On the basis of need, not gender

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would hope i am always a polite and gentlemenly .

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"Do you think it's an outdated notion...obviously not talking knights in shining armour etc.

The holding doors open, offering a seat,a coat of your cold, carrying bags.

My new partner is very chivalrous and it prompted a conversation with my teenager.. she said its insulting to women.

When we were out he held a door open for a lady and she commented how lovely it was but then the next day a woman tutted.. ( to be fair he holds doors open for men too not just women)

So is it outdated or still lovely "

He sounds lovely. Sadly it is becoming a rarity. It's polite, it's good manners, it's treating your partner with respect and care. Not sure why anyone would make it seem offensive. There's enough in this world to be offended by without making being a gentleman one of them.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Know it's perfectly ok that threads get repeated (and am absolutely not saying it's not ok) but my first instinct on seeing the OP was "not this hoary old chestnut again" because I knew immediately which issues would get raised and comments made.

If the OP had posted a thread called "Common Decency And Respect For Others" in which she had championed the notion of holding doors open for people, and generally being "aware" of the potential needs of others, and showing small kindnesses to those others while out and about, then I suspect the thread may well have taken a somewhat different tangent.

I also find it curious that those that espouse the "be kind" mantra often on threads, have difficulty with applying that same mantra when it comes to some of the random acts of kindness mentioned in the OP, that others do for others just because the thread subject is seen to be a "male thing" - because that is essentially what they are, people going out of their way to "be kind" by holding a door open, offering a seat etc

Personally I will always offer to help others that appear to be in need, regardless of gender, sometimes the "offer" will be an assumptive action like holding a door open, others it will simply be an offer of help to be accepted or declined (hopefully with the some good grace with which it was made), and would certainly not force that offer on someone if they declined it.

Whether you call that offer "chivalrous", "being a gentleman" or simply "doing what is right, decent, courteous and thoughtful" I really don't care, and shan't be changing the way I act either - frankly if someone has a problem with me acting like a decent human being then the problem is not mine.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think chivalry is lovely, my hubby usually opens doors etc for me although not the car door, he offers his coat if im cold. He takes care of me which helps as i struggle physically sometimes.

When using crutches i struggle to get through doors and sometimes im trapped, often in pub loos, so im always pleased when someone helps me, its women then though as i dont go in mens loos if i can help it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to?

No, of course not, but I never ask a stranger beforehand, 'would you like me to hold this door for you or let it slam in your face?'

Just last week at the tip I saw two men struggling to get a large mattress into a skip. The older guy dropped his end and I instinctively helped them with it.

Manners are part of what makes us human.

Yes, but the whole argument here - except for those who are equivocating - seems to be about gendered patterns of behaviour. Men doing it for women in particular ways.

I hold doors when appropriate, help people lift things, etc. (And back off if asked to) I think everyone should if they can and they haven't been asked not to. On the basis of need, not gender "

Perhaps that's lost on me because I don't draw a distinction whether I am doing it for a man or a woman. If the discussion is about whether men do it for women because they are women or for some ulterior motive, then that's a whole other tiresome subject..

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By *oxyVikingCouple over a year ago

East Anglia

"To be honest, I’ll hold the door open and even run to help someone open the door if I see them carrying something heavy, or have their hands full, regardless of their Sex, Race, etc"

This

/ Freya

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to?

No, of course not, but I never ask a stranger beforehand, 'would you like me to hold this door for you or let it slam in your face?'

Just last week at the tip I saw two men struggling to get a large mattress into a skip. The older guy dropped his end and I instinctively helped them with it.

Manners are part of what makes us human.

Yes, but the whole argument here - except for those who are equivocating - seems to be about gendered patterns of behaviour. Men doing it for women in particular ways.

I hold doors when appropriate, help people lift things, etc. (And back off if asked to) I think everyone should if they can and they haven't been asked not to. On the basis of need, not gender

That's what's being hashed out here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't help myself, and if someone finds it offensive I really don't care.

'manners maketh man', and it's not gender specific or selective.

So you'll do something even if someone asks you not to?

No, of course not, but I never ask a stranger beforehand, 'would you like me to hold this door for you or let it slam in your face?'

Just last week at the tip I saw two men struggling to get a large mattress into a skip. The older guy dropped his end and I instinctively helped them with it.

Manners are part of what makes us human.

Yes, but the whole argument here - except for those who are equivocating - seems to be about gendered patterns of behaviour. Men doing it for women in particular ways.

I hold doors when appropriate, help people lift things, etc. (And back off if asked to) I think everyone should if they can and they haven't been asked not to. On the basis of need, not gender

That's what's being hashed out here"

Have fun with that one then. I'm out. It's ok, I can get the door myself..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think of myself as chivalrous- and certainly don't try to be. I do however believe in manners and try my best to be well mannered. I'll hold a door for anyone, it doesn't require a flourish or a ladies first comment although I have caught myself saying this when it gets to "you first" "No, you' type situation.

I will also do things for my partner like door holding etc but that is because I love her and want to demonstrate that, not because she's a woman.

I dislike rudeness and feel like I'm becoming a moany old fart noticing how rarely children are taught to even say thank you, never mind have any awareness whatsoever of others around them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a kid and it was just the norm to stand up in the bus fir a lady etc. When we first met cherry said I was old fashiend in thar way. Opening doors, pullu g her chair out when we go for a meal... Etc... It's nice to be nice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Know it's perfectly ok that threads get repeated (and am absolutely not saying it's not ok) but my first instinct on seeing the OP was "not this hoary old chestnut again" because I knew immediately which issues would get raised and comments made.

Well said, why can't we do things for others for kindness sakes and accept that for ourselves without question when it happens, not everyone has an agenda and it's so rude to not accept to tell them why you don't like it, crikey it is 2 seconds of your life and someone thought they were being nice

I have a theory of 'pay it forward' I accept with grace the intention, with a view to passing it on to others

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I think a lot of us are trying to make the distinction between "helping anyone, of any gender, because it seems appropriate" vs "making a point to treat women differently, just because they're women". I have zero issues with the former - I'm an excellent door-stop, for example. But I do have an issue with the latter. I don't want special treatment because I'm female, basically.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lots of people get confused. Read the title and the origins post not the currents response which lost sense.

Chivalry: showing courtesy or attentiveness toward women. This is where the controversy stand with new generation and feminist.

Being courteous, gentleman etc is another discussion as it applies to everyone. If we all are rude and selfish in our society of course violence would take over.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think a lot of us are trying to make the distinction between "helping anyone, of any gender, because it seems appropriate" vs "making a point to treat women differently, just because they're women". I have zero issues with the former - I'm an excellent door-stop, for example. But I do have an issue with the latter. I don't want special treatment because I'm female, basically."

Snap

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think the important distinction to make which, in a way you have done in this, is the difference in being helpful based on perceived needs or making gestures based on gender. Chivalry is an outmoded concept based on a different set of assumptions to being courteous and thoughtful. Language is important because it conveys meaning, allowing us to distinguish between subtle differences and that can reduce misunderstanding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

The term chivalry is just stupid beyond belief. Because you hold a fucking door open for a woman you're somehow an inheritor of a code of honour born out of the knights of legend!

It's so pathetic and self-aggrandising it's kinda hilarious. Honestly, if you think offering to carry someone's shopping makes you the second coming of Charlemagne you're an arsehole.

Just have some manners and respect for others.

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Not read the whole thread, sorry.

I'll help anyone who needs help.

It isn't governed by their, or my, gender.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Fuck yes.

And if you're a woman and you dig it, rock on. You do you.

I don't like it and I'll ask anyone to stop if I think it's likely to happen again. (The only person I've ever been rude to about it, ever, is my FWB, but we're forever ripping into each other, it's fun banter)

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think the problem however comes down to who makes the distinction between the two - to use an example. If I hold a door open for a lady am I doing so because I "help anyone regardless of gender" or because it's a woman?

Now I know that it's because I'd do it for anyone, yet the people that seem to have an issue with the notion of it are the ones likely to suggest I was doing so because it was a woman.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Now I know that it's because I'd do it for anyone, yet the people that seem to have an issue with the notion of it are the ones likely to suggest I was doing so because it was a woman.

I don't know the answer to the first question:

If I hold a door open for a lady am I doing so because I "help anyone regardless of gender" or because it's a woman?

Only you do. The point being that if I'm out and about and a chap holds a door open, that's fine. I don't question his motives. If he makes a point of saying something along gender lines (which happens), then that's how I know he's doing it out of some sort of sense of chivalry. Basically, if you held the door open for me but let it shut on the guy behind me, I'd have an issue.

I'm not a bra burning feminist, but I am a very independent woman who has been brought up to know I can look after myself and do everything anyone else can do. The "do everything anyone else can do" got a bit kiboshed 4 years ago, so actually for me personally, I really value doing seemingly trivial things for myself. I can't run, skip, jump, climb mountains, so I want to keep a tight hold of what I CAN do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now I know that it's because I'd do it for anyone, yet the people that seem to have an issue with the notion of it are the ones likely to suggest I was doing so because it was a woman.

I don't know the answer to the first question:

If I hold a door open for a lady am I doing so because I "help anyone regardless of gender" or because it's a woman?

Holding the door open is often the one used in this argument as it can and is frequently done without being gender specific. However, opening a car door for a woman, giving up your seat to a woman on public transport, pulling back her seat in a restaurant and holding her coat while she puts it on, are more common chivalrous gestures and I think those are the ones, when there isn’t an obvious need, that are likely to be greeted with varying degrees of displeasure by women who hold feminist beliefs.

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

Guess it is a much bigger divider than I thought...

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Now I know that it's because I'd do it for anyone, yet the people that seem to have an issue with the notion of it are the ones likely to suggest I was doing so because it was a woman.

I don't know the answer to the first question:

If I hold a door open for a lady am I doing so because I "help anyone regardless of gender" or because it's a woman?

And that was kind of my point - I've had comments, frowns and glares for the simple act of holding a door open for a lady or offering her my seat, no comment accompanying the offer, just simply either holding the door open or "Would you like to sit down?" - where the distinction has been made for me, that I am doing it for the wrong reasons.

Perhaps if people just accepted that other people are perfectly capable of being nice without there having to be any hidden meaning it would all be so much easier.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a very interesting first dated episode where a man and woman had a very nice date, and were both considering having a second date until the bill arrived and the man suggested splitting it. The woman took umbrage and told the man he had blown it. In many other ways they were quite well suited and had clearly clicked on many other levels.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Totally agree and I personally wouldn't expect any of those things to be done for me. It helps that I bring my own chair to restaurants though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now I know that it's because I'd do it for anyone, yet the people that seem to have an issue with the notion of it are the ones likely to suggest I was doing so because it was a woman.

I don't know the answer to the first question:

If I hold a door open for a lady am I doing so because I "help anyone regardless of gender" or because it's a woman?

Perhaps if people just accepted that other people are perfectly capable of being nice without there having to be any hidden meaning it would all be so much easier."

Would you have offered me your seat?

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

I'm happy if people - men AND women - have manners. If I'm struggling to carry something/do something, I'd like to think someone would offer to help, much as I would.

I'd feel embarrassed with car door opening/pulling my seat out in a restaurant. I wouldn't take it as an insult, as it's meant well and the gentleman obviously means respect, but after I got to know them, I'd suggest they not.

I once had a partner who insisted on walking on the roadside of the pavement all the time, as his dad had told him to do that. That just used to piss me off, as we walked rather a lot & he was always swapping sides!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Perhaps if people just accepted that other people are perfectly capable of being nice without there having to be any hidden meaning it would all be so much easier."

With things like giving up seats on public transport, when I was a fully AB woman, I probably would have found it odd for a guy to offer his seat, because I had no specific need. I'd presume it was gender based and would probably just have politely declined and that's that. I used to offer my seat to older people who looked wobbly, anyone on crutches or with arms in casts etc, people with small children who couldn't safely stand or "babe in arms" type situation. My offer would be based on need, not gender. These days, it's not something I can do anymore (I'm not offering my wheelchair!) and I do get very pissed off when AB people occupy the disabled area of buses/trains and refuse to move. I've tipped over backwards on a bus before because I had to "sit" in the aisle. There's a reason the disabled area is designed as such

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm happy if people - men AND women - have manners. If I'm struggling to carry something/do something, I'd like to think someone would offer to help, much as I would.

That's where I am too. I'd only be offended if they continued after I asked them to stop, or they did it in an overtly gendered (little lady, ladies first) sort of way. A gesture is a gesture, I'm always polite the first time, and I assume it's well intentioned (even if I say no) until I get pushback.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Guess it is a much bigger divider than I thought...

It is a divide because some people are so obsessed with ideology that they interpret decent and kind gestures that men might make towards a woman as either condescending or filled with an ulterior motive.

Some gestures are clearly contrived and over the top but i'd assume they can be spotted easily and reprimanded. Far cry from lumping it all into outdated behaviour which is what *some* women do nowadays. Most i've met appreciate them when they come across as genuine.

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

It may be viewed that way by the vocal minority. But it is not out dated.

Watch out I'm about to use that word again.. context!

It is all about the way in which the chivalry is used and applied. Yes, in some cases it could be viewed as insulting to some. However 99% of the time it is nothing more than being courteous and respectful. Being polite. Having manners.

Too many people view an action as an insult or being offensive.

I'll never stop holding doors open for women (or anybody for that matter). I'll never stop offering to walk or drive somebody home after a date or something similar. I will continue to open a car door etc you get the idea. I don't care if a few find it insulting or offensive, as the intention is far from such a thing.

They day we view being polite as an insult is the day we truely do fall from a friendly civilization.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"Guess it is a much bigger divider than I thought...

Because some of us don't believe that the patriarchy are an evil organisation that's out to get us, and can understand that people often do things just to be courteous, or are simply behaving in the way that they have been raised to be with no ulterior motive or nefarious intentions

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age "

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

And if her parents said no, but she wanted to marry him?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

And if her parents said no, but she wanted to marry him?"

Well luckily both parents agreed so we didn't have to face it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

That’s so nice to see this you must be so proud of your son that’s impressive

So proud to have raised a gentleman

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

And if her parents said no, but she wanted to marry him?"

Blessings are different to permission.

I'd never ask her parents for permission. However their blessing yes. It is a sign of respect to the parents.

If they don't give their bkesseng well tough shit to them because it is not their choice and they are the ones putting a downer on what their daughter wants.

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By *rivateparts!Man over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

Sorry I'm old fashioned and I was brought up to be polite and be a gentleman to ladies, good manners cost nothing!

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age "
my son has asked his gfs dad permission to marry her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sorry I'm old fashioned and I was brought up to be polite and be a gentleman to ladies, good manners cost nothing!

Exactly we’ll said I couldn’t of put it better my self

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age my son has asked his gfs dad permission to marry her."

I hope he said yes I haven’t had to ask I was in a long relationship but never got married and at my age now probably never will but it’s all good

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

That’s so nice to see this you must be so proud of your son that’s impressive

So proud to have raised a gentleman

Thank you, he's pretty awesome

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

And if her parents said no, but she wanted to marry him?

Blessings are different to permission.

I'd never ask her parents for permission. However their blessing yes. It is a sign of respect to the parents.

If they don't give their bkesseng well tough shit to them because it is not their choice and they are the ones putting a downer on what their daughter wants. "

That's it exactly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Definitely, I believe a women should be treated like a lady.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

And if her parents said no, but she wanted to marry him?

Well luckily both parents agreed so we didn't have to face it"

That's good, but isn't always the case.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Guess it is a much bigger divider than I thought...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

That’s so nice to see this you must be so proud of your son that’s impressive

So proud to have raised a gentleman

Thank you, he's pretty awesome"

Your welcome you did an amazing job of bringing your son up to be a gentleman not many around these days just a few of us left haha

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Also many years ago the man would ask the father of the daughter for his blessing to marry her you don’t see it in this day and age

My son did this, his fiance's parents aren't together but he asked both Mum and Dad for their blessing.

So proud to have raised a gentleman

And if her parents said no, but she wanted to marry him?

Blessings are different to permission.

I'd never ask her parents for permission. However their blessing yes. It is a sign of respect to the parents.

If they don't give their bkesseng well tough shit to them because it is not their choice and they are the ones putting a downer on what their daughter wants. "

I'm glad that the "blessings" of parents wouldn't take precedence over what I'd presume would be a serious relationship between two adults (if one is seeking to get engaged etc).

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

Now I know that it's because I'd do it for anyone, yet the people that seem to have an issue with the notion of it are the ones likely to suggest I was doing so because it was a woman.

And you have an ulterior motive... Such a bastard chauvinist, how very dare you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I got sacked because of this thread today

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I got sacked because of this thread today

Damn. Feminists really are destroying society

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I got sacked because of this thread today

How so?

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS over a year ago

Stockport

If I'm at a door and there is someone coming the other way i will often open it and let them through, particularly if they are carrying things. I don't differentiate between genders, i just regard it as "rules of the road" and politeness. Likewise the concept of giving up a seat on bus or train, if they look like they need it more than me. And numerous other aspects of polite behaviour.

But i don't see it as a "chivalry" thing (which i would not be surprised if historically was a very dodgy concept more to do with treating women as possessions than as individuals).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Has this descended into the usual chaos yet.

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By *eyond PurityCouple over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Chivalry, respect for others, manners, kindness, awareness, empathy... traits I would hope for us all in this life.

K is chivalrous and a gentleman. It's something I place in high regard.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has this descended into the usual chaos yet.

It would seem?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Has this descended into the usual chaos yet.

Yes. I'm destroying society by having preferences again

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"I got sacked because of this thread today

Damn. Feminists really are destroying society

A joke about someone losing their job? Nice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good manners are common courtesy; I'm all for that.

Chivalry goes further, with patriarchal references to knightly behaviour. The motivation is completely different. It's archaic.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"I got sacked because of this thread today

How so?"

Yes, same question......

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS over a year ago

Stockport

"I got sacked because of this thread today

Good lord, how did that happen? I don't see how reading through an online forum in your own time can be anything to do with your employer.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"Sorry I'm old fashioned and I was brought up to be polite and be a gentleman to ladies, good manners cost nothing!

Good manners are wonderful, PP.

But I'd rather you showed me respect because I'm a human, not just because I'm female.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I got sacked because of this thread today

So. You know the time when a joke about being a doorman backfires....?

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"I got sacked because of this thread today

So. You know the time when a joke about being a doorman backfires....?

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"I got sacked because of this thread today

So. You know the time when a joke about being a doorman backfires....?

Men. Don't even have the basic chivalry to know what's appropriate and what's not.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"I got sacked because of this thread today

So. You know the time when a joke about being a doorman backfires....?

Men. Don't even have the basic chivalry to know what's appropriate and what's not."

Probably funnier that the actual joke tbh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I got sacked because of this thread today

So. You know the time when a joke about being a doorman backfires....?

You needed winky emoji's

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By *ittleMissCali OP Woman over a year ago

all loved up

"Has this descended into the usual chaos yet.

"
it has... who would have thought men behaving as gentleman would cause such uproar

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Sorry I'm old fashioned and I was brought up to be polite and be a gentleman to ladies, good manners cost nothing!

Good manners are wonderful, PP.

But I'd rather you showed me respect because I'm a human, not just because I'm female.

Same. Preferences are grand.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I got sacked because of this thread today

Damn. Feminists really are destroying society

A joke about someone losing their job? Nice

I recognised the joke.

And I thought being nice was bad...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Last man of the thread to politely close the door

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