FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Playmates and exclusivity
Playmates and exclusivity
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you react to a playmate that wants exclusivity, or a couples profile or is quite simply too into you?
Do you think a playmate asking for exclusivity is too clingy?
If one wants a couples profile do you think they are marking their terroritry, making it harder for you to get meets alone or they'll use it to up the chances for meets for themselves?
Is there really a place for it on a swingers site? Or does exclusivity simply mean a relationship to you?
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Exclusivity to me is an official relationship. But maybe that’s because I would only club with a partner and not meet... there’s some weird and wonderful dynamics on here, so difficult to navigate who means what sometimes  xx |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
If it were completely one-sided as in they were pushing for it and it wasn't of interest to me then I'd explain that it wasn't what I was looking for and if that wasn't accepted then I'd distance myself.
I do think there is nothing wrong with that in the cases where both people want it though, and it is inevitable it will happen on a site like this where there is a fine line between no strings and emotional involvement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe you respond how you feel. If you have been speaking for a while and you feel comfortable with the idea than cool. If you aren't sure of what you think about it then express that or take more time to really get to know them more. |
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I think it depends on the individual relationship and the dynamic therein, but it needs to be a mutual decision from both parties...but if one side were querying or had concerns then I'd be inclined to say that it's not the right move for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like the idea of exclusivity with a regular playmate purely because it opens up the possibility of unprotected fun (after mutual clear checks etc ofc), but happy to play safe together with others at a club or meets as long as it is all honest, safe and nobody is putting anyone at risk etc.
I think asking for exclusivity can be very circumstantial, but this would be my motivation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sod that! I live with my fwb but he was told at the start that I would be seeing other people and I didn't want a couples profile, even though we play as a couple. Everyone we know that has started a couples profile, either in a full on relationship or not, has ended, so didn't want the curse of the couples profile... It's worked pretty well for both of us for over 4 years now... I won't be exclusive with anyone again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah honesty and an early discussion to avoid misunderstandings and potentially getting into sticky situations 
I've done it to someone unintentionally... It's not nice and took us down a spiral of frustration that was unresolvable and very regrettable x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
How do you react to a playmate that wants exclusivity, or a couples profile or is quite simply too into you?
Do you think a playmate asking for exclusivity is too clingy?
If one wants a couples profile do you think they are marking their terroritry, making it harder for you to get meets alone or they'll use it to up the chances for meets for themselves?
Is there really a place for it on a swingers site? Or does exclusivity simply mean a relationship to you?
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This can be an absolute minefield with so many factors contributing to a decision. How long have you known the playmate? Are the feelings reciprocated? Are you ready for things to get a bit more serious? Is your playmate jealous because you can get meets and they can't. It takes a lot of confidence to ask someone for exclusivity in this lifestyle.
Non meeting couples can still be on Fab, there's plenty of people not looking to meet anyone for lots of different reasons. And if someome has an ulterior motive for wanting to set up a couples profile because they'll perceive it as easier to get meets for themselves - then they're not worth the time of day.
How do you feel? |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
EAS - emotional attachment syndrome.
This can occur when one person in a FB/FWB dynamic is too into/eager with their partner, leading to potentially disastrous circumstances.
Regular playmates are fun, are easy and take less work to find, but everyone needs to be upfront and honest about what they want.
If the balance is too one sided, then I would either walk away or have the chat and see if their behaviour altered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you react to a playmate that wants exclusivity, or a couples profile or is quite simply too into you?"
Very interesting situations, all of which are different.
Wanting exclusivity is possibly the antithesis of what fab is all about. To achieve that, you would both want to leave fab and just be together. That's a conventional relationship.
A couples profile is a different dynamic. I would view that as meeting other couples or singles together, for threesomes, foursome, and moresomes. Nice idea. I'm guessing you would both share a comfort, security and enjoyment with each other to be as a couple, but again that wouldn't have to be an exclusive couple. It could be two FB or FWB embracing swinging.
The "too into you" one is a paradox. Can you be "too into" someone? I don't think you can, but what you can have is an unequal expectations as a result. Experience tells me such situations can be handled emphatically and with respect for each other. It's down to communication, and understanding each others position. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sod that! I live with my fwb but he was told at the start that I would be seeing other people and I didn't want a couples profile, even though we play as a couple. Everyone we know that has started a couples profile, either in a full on relationship or not, has ended, so didn't want the curse of the couples profile... It's worked pretty well for both of us for over 4 years now... I won't be exclusive with anyone again. "
The curse of the couples profile. Like having a story in Hello magazine.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It may be a swingers site but people use it for a range of things. From swinging to NSA to monogamous relationships to voyeurism/ exhibitionism and never meeting.
I use it how I want to. If someone wants something different I either go along with it or let them know we're not compatible.  |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
It would be too clingy for me, but then I'm already in a relationship, so this is just a bit extra.
Had it in the past when I was single and I stopped seeing them, as they got jealous if I met anyone else. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"How do you react to a playmate that wants exclusivity, or a couples profile or is quite simply too into you?
Very interesting situations, all of which are different.
Wanting exclusivity is possibly the antithesis of what fab is all about. To achieve that, you would both want to leave fab and just be together. That's a conventional relationship.
A couples profile is a different dynamic. I would view that as meeting other couples or singles together, for threesomes, foursome, and moresomes. Nice idea. I'm guessing you would both share a comfort, security and enjoyment with each other to be as a couple, but again that wouldn't have to be an exclusive couple. It could be two FB or FWB embracing swinging.
The "too into you" one is a paradox. Can you be "too into" someone? I don't think you can, but what you can have is an unequal expectations as a result. Experience tells me such situations can be handled emphatically and with respect for each other. It's down to communication, and understanding each others position."
Well put - although I'd argue that you can have both exclusivity and maintain a swinging lifestyle if you swing together as part of that lifestyle - guess it all comes down to the individual dynamic and agreement as to what "exclusive" means |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well put - although I'd argue that you can have both exclusivity and maintain a swinging lifestyle if you swing together as part of that lifestyle - guess it all comes down to the individual dynamic and agreement as to what "exclusive" means "
Unless you come up with a new definition of exclusive, you can't, which is why it's the antithesis of swinging. |
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By *alerieCouple
over a year ago
Close by |
I would only consider exclusivity with someone I'm dating , as in a full on relationship .
I don't really see any advantages, from the woman's point of view, in entering that sort of arrangement with a casual playmate.
If "he" is that much into me and the feeling is mutual let's go all the way and eventually explore swinging as a couple from then on . If that's not the case then I want to keep the freedom to meet whoever I want should I so wish.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think it’s clingy but I don’t think exclusivity exists here on fab ... something that I feel like I was always looking for an exclusive fwb and play with others as part of that together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s tricky.
My wife and I have been exclusive to two women over the years and both times they got far too clingy which eventually ruined the relationship.
I can see how it works for singles though and I do think I’d struggle (if I were single) to have a fuck buddy relationship with someone who was obviously putting it about.
Everyone is different and I do know people that it works for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Exclusivity leads to clinginess which leads to possessiveness which leads to jealousy which leads to big problems in a swinging community.
No to exclusivity in my humble opinion. Exclusivity could end up being the thin end of the wedge. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't personally want exclusive, to me it doesn't fit.
In the past I've had all that I listed in my post and see them as red flags so to speak. Mainly because when asked to be exclusive I knew he wasn't though he kept claiming he was and so on. I was just curious to see people's responses and see if they would see them as red flags too. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I don't personally want exclusive, to me it doesn't fit.
In the past I've had all that I listed in my post and see them as red flags so to speak. Mainly because when asked to be exclusive I knew he wasn't though he kept claiming he was and so on. I was just curious to see people's responses and see if they would see them as red flags too. "
Yes I would. I'd run a mile tbh! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't personally want exclusive, to me it doesn't fit.
In the past I've had all that I listed in my post and see them as red flags so to speak. Mainly because when asked to be exclusive I knew he wasn't though he kept claiming he was and so on. I was just curious to see people's responses and see if they would see them as red flags too. "
Surely that would depend on other aspects of the person's behaviour? Or do you think having a discussion about being exclusive is a red flag of it's own? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Well put - although I'd argue that you can have both exclusivity and maintain a swinging lifestyle if you swing together as part of that lifestyle - guess it all comes down to the individual dynamic and agreement as to what "exclusive" means
Unless you come up with a new definition of exclusive, you can't, which is why it's the antithesis of swinging."
No new definition required - perhaps individual interpretation does come into play though - a couple can be exclusive to each other emotionally, yet still swing with others together without any emotions becoming involved with the third party/ies - in fact I'd suggest that's precisely what the majority of committed couples that are here are doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No new definition required - perhaps individual interpretation does come into play though - a couple can be exclusive to each other emotionally, yet still swing with others together without any emotions becoming involved with the third party/ies - in fact I'd suggest that's precisely what the majority of committed couples that are here are doing."
Now you're moving the goalposts.
If a lady I met from here suggested becoming exclusive, with her, by definition that is to exclude and not admit all others. Entertaining other people doesn't mean your exclusive, just because you are both consenting. To be truly exclusive, the fab adventure ends. At least that's how I would define things. |
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There are too many delicious sweets in this shop to choose from, therefore I wouldn’t wish to go the exclusive route. I quite enjoy trying the different flavours! Apart from the fact it inevitably creates jealousy in those less open to ‘sharing’
I’m quite happy to go the FwB route but that’s a different ball game all together.
Exclusive usually means a degree of understanding on both sides but often one or other will become clingy and territorial - not an ideal way to work together  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"No new definition required - perhaps individual interpretation does come into play though - a couple can be exclusive to each other emotionally, yet still swing with others together without any emotions becoming involved with the third party/ies - in fact I'd suggest that's precisely what the majority of committed couples that are here are doing.
Now you're moving the goalposts.
If a lady I met from here suggested becoming exclusive, with her, by definition that is to exclude and not admit all others. Entertaining other people doesn't mean your exclusive, just because you are both consenting. To be truly exclusive, the fab adventure ends. At least that's how I would define things."
And that last sentence is the key here - and we're possibly wandering into the world of semantics - yes by it's strictest definition "exclusivity" means forsaking all others - but as I've shown it can also come down to individual dynamics and interpretation, as well as exclusivity on different levels (e.g. emotionally exclusive but not physically) - all I'm saying is it's not quite as black and white |
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Not for me. A very close platonic friend and I have amazing club nights and when I was dating and it was exclusive it felt a bit of a shame missing out on that. I would not consider doing that for a playmate. Amongst other reasons
I did it for a while this summer though because well, covid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And that last sentence is the key here - and we're possibly wandering into the world of semantics - yes by it's strictest definition "exclusivity" means forsaking all others - but as I've shown it can also come down to individual dynamics and interpretation, as well as exclusivity on different levels (e.g. emotionally exclusive but not physically) - all I'm saying is it's not quite as black and white "
No, not semantics, understanding. I fully understand what you are trying to describe. The problem with your description is that it doesn't fit with the definition of exclusive. It's a lot of things, but not exclusive. More limited, more boundaries, but not exclusive.
If my FWB came to me and said, "Oi, Friday, we're exclusive from now on!" that would mean different things to me than "Oi, Friday, fire up the MPV, we're a swinging couple!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"EAS - emotional attachment syndrome.
This can occur when one person in a FB/FWB dynamic is too into/eager with their partner, leading to potentially disastrous circumstances.
Regular playmates are fun, are easy and take less work to find, but everyone needs to be upfront and honest about what they want.
If the balance is too one sided, then I would either walk away or have the chat and see if their behaviour altered."
That’s interesting - I hadn’t heard of EAS
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I prefer an exclusive / regular playmate. Even more fun when they are open minded and up for trying new and exciting things.
There needs to be that element of trust which obviously you can't get with a one off meet x |
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There can be pleasure in increased intimacy and emotional engagement but for us as a couple either way exclusivity seems conceptually on the way to a relationship which is not part of our game plan.
We have met some great people on here but are aware of others who seem to struggle with the idea of NSA. We are not here to supplant their inability to get a life partner elsewhere; compassion, mutual attraction, wit, charm, sensitivity - throw in lifelong commitment through good and bad and you begin to see that one fuck does not a partner make
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"There are too many delicious sweets in this shop to choose from, therefore I wouldn’t wish to go the exclusive route. I quite enjoy trying the different flavours! Apart from the fact it inevitably creates jealousy in those less open to ‘sharing’
I’m quite happy to go the FwB route but that’s a different ball game all together.
Exclusive usually means a degree of understanding on both sides but often one or other will become clingy and territorial - not an ideal way to work together "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sod that! I live with my fwb but he was told at the start that I would be seeing other people and I didn't want a couples profile, even though we play as a couple. Everyone we know that has started a couples profile, either in a full on relationship or not, has ended, so didn't want the curse of the couples profile... It's worked pretty well for both of us for over 4 years now... I won't be exclusive with anyone again.
The curse of the couples profile. Like having a story in Hello magazine. "
Haha I don't read magazines but is that a thing too? Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don’t think it’s clingy or jealous or anything else. I won’t share I only do exclusive. I wouldn’t try and encourage anyone to though or ask someone after a while if meeting them. It’s always been totally plain on my profile what I’m looking for (when I was looking!) if someone isn’t potentially looking for the same then I wouldn’t be interested. |
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