FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Question for the singles.
Question for the singles.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've seen lots of posts on the forums about what a swinger actually is and if single people are actually classed as swingers or just people looking for hook ups with lots of different people.
So what do you class yourself as? A swinger or something else? Could you handle a swinger lifestyle? Do you want the full on living together swinging relationship? Are you after a primary lover but where you have others too? Or something else? Do you think you'll find what you are looking for?
Genuinely curious. |
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I class myself a swinger as I was when married so am even when divorced 
Swinger lifestyle, my lifestyle includes kink and or swing.
Do I want a full on living together .. *red* honestly no, right now I am loving my own space and freedom and I ain't sharing my bed with any other adult 
I'm happy to share (except profiteroles)
I don't know what I'm looking for long term but I'm happy with what I have so I think I already found it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not a swinger.
I didn't join here to be one.
I didn't join here to look for a relationship.
I joined here as a friend said it was fun.
I then found a threelatioship sort of but wasn't looking for anything and got two very close friends that helped me find my smile again.
So no I'm not a swinger I'm just doing what I want without labels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I class myself as a swinger, having been on the scene for a long while both as a married couple and a single. Swinging to me is a mentality and its not just about getting your rocks off. Its a social circle of open minded people able to enjoy free chat and occasional sexy fun. Its why I enjoy the club scene so much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't consider myself as a swinger and one of the reasons why I joined this site was to see what it's all about, learn more about relationships and interracial relationships in the UK.
Also because of lockdown I don't get to meet ppl as often in social settings as before so another reason why I joined here and just wanted to give traditional dating a break.
Whenever I get back into a serious relationship I'll simply put on my profile not meeting at the present. I have no intentions of sharing my future significant other with anyone tbh, kudos to the couples who don't but that's not me to be honest with you. |
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By *yphodMan
over a year ago
London |
It depends on how much you know about it.
When I first started researching the subject, I thought swinging was just about partner swap. Car keys in a bowl situation.
I then went to a club as a single male. Got chatting and was invited to join a couple. Had performance anxiety, but fortunately they realised I was a beginner and the partner left me alone with the lady and had great sex.
Having been to a number of clubs and experienced different scenarios it has many different definitions depending what you like. For some it's just sex not caring who you are with (e.g. gang bang situation), for some it is a more sensual experience where you have to have some sort of bond/friendship even though it may be fleeting.
Kink to me is a bit different from swinging in my opinion as the actual sex is secondary.
In its purest form swinging is about two people in a relationship who trust each other with different people.
My first threesome (FFM) was at uni in my halls of residence, was I a swinger? No.
So although I go to clubs as a single person, I would say I take part in the swinging lifestyle but you could not class me as a swinger.
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My aim is to find one fwb just that though the whole package a single male that wants everything of a conventional relationship up to a point! Not clingy lots of own space but NEVER living together/marriage! And maybe a few meets with other couples to spice things up now and again , tbh I dont think I will ever find that x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can relate to a few in here.
I'm not after a relationship, I don't want someone to live with or be married to. I like my own space and the freedom to explore. I'm not after anything specific either though a primary lover is more my thing but where I can still enjoy other freedoms, be that others, kinks or clubs etc with or without the primary.
I didn't join to be a swinger, initially I just wanted a sex life but not the relationship and to explore. It's changed a little now and I guess it will continue to change. So labels are not going to stick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wanted to find a corner of the web where I could express certain aspects of me which I can't do in RL.
Probably looking for something between a FWB and a relationship. Going with the flow and see what happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm here because I enjoy a bit of variety & relationships aren't really for me, tried but...well that's another story or stories!
Don't swing though, use to back in the 80s, different ball game back then. Don't like the club scene, home parties or such any longer for reasons I dare not go into as it upsets people!!  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I find the description "swinger" or more aptly "real swinger" about as useful as the description "real angler" and I don't fish. These terms are used by people who feel they fall into the term and it is a title of honour, bestowed by the Queen, "Arise Lord and Lady Swinger for they great deeds of keeping the description 'swinger' pure". People who describe themselves as "swingers" use the description to exclude others who they feel are less worthy.
We have the same bollocks in BDSM and kink with "twew doms" and " real subs". But the point is these distinctions are ridiculous. The current times show how ridiculous they are. In a time of a global pandemic, economic collapse, good people's livelihood going to the wall, and an increase in mental health issues it is trite distinction. More important in these fragile times is to ask: Do you have fun without being a dick (or a twat for gender equality)?
Life is too fragile and pleasure too fleeting, and it is difficult enough to connect with people,for pointless distinctions. If couples don't want to to meet singles just say so on your profile. Although I am yet to see couples night at a club that excludes single women.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wanted to find a corner of the web where I could express certain aspects of me which I can't do in RL.
Probably looking for something between a FWB and a relationship. Going with the flow and see what happens."
Similar to this, also, I promised myself that should I ever have another relationship at some point, it wouldn’t be with anyone who I had to teach how to fuck.  |
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(I'm not single, just offering my comments on this conversation) As a polyamorous person I find the whole all or nothing attitude to relationships kinda baffling. Within polyamory there's room to pick and choose what elements of a relationship you both want and which you don't. There's something called solo polyamory where you completely reject the idea that relationships have to progress to things like living together. We call it stepping off the relationship escalator, the relationship escalator being what is considered to be the natural, expected progression of a relationship.
I'm not saying this kind of set up is impossible in a monogamous situation, I just imagine it would be more difficult to find as you would both need to want the exact same type of arrangement if you only had each other to meet all of each others needs within the relationship.
This doesn't mean solo polyamorous people have to have loads of romantic partners. Personally I have been the primary romantic partner for solo polyamorous people. I just have other relationships too, including the partner I live with. The solo poly person got their relationship needs met through me without the pressure of the expectation that it would progress to moving in together, engagement, marriage, kids, etc or the expectation that you have to see each other at a certain frequency or spend holidays together, etc. I wasn't limited to only that relationship so as someone who doesn't want to be solo poly, I'm free to have other relationships higher up the escalator. |
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"I'm not a swinger.
I didn't join here to be one.
I didn't join here to look for a relationship.
I joined here as a friend said it was fun.
I then found a threelatioship sort of but wasn't looking for anything and got two very close friends that helped me find my smile again.
So no I'm not a swinger I'm just doing what I want without labels "
This
Doing what feels good, without labels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This Doing what feels good, without labels "
And that’s the way I try to be ^_^ chilled. Calm. Relaxed. See where it goes. Every person and every meet is a new experience |
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I've been called "polyamorous". I've been called "solo poly". I've been called a "relationship anarchist".
I consider myself single, and so do all my partners.
I'm here because sex makes me happy and conventional relationships don't.
The relationship elevator especially needs to get in the bin.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I describe myself as ....
Me
I don’t think ( in my humble opinion) many on here want hook ups with numerous people anyway.
I dislike the word ‘swinger’ it’s so 70s
Pah
Be whatever you want |
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"I don't consider myself as a swinger and one of the reasons why I joined this site was to see what it's all about, learn more about relationships and interracial relationships in the UK.
Also because of lockdown I don't get to meet ppl as often in social settings as before so another reason why I joined here and just wanted to give traditional dating a break.
Whenever I get back into a serious relationship I'll simply put on my profile not meeting at the present. I have no intentions of sharing my future significant other with anyone tbh, kudos to the couples who don't but that's not me to be honest with you."
And that last sentence is (to us anyway) the difference between a shagger and a swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been called "polyamorous". I've been called "solo poly". I've been called a "relationship anarchist".
I consider myself single, and so do all my partners.
I'm here because sex makes me happy and conventional relationships don't.
The relationship elevator especially needs to get in the bin.
"
Aren't there other aspects that you like when you're intimate with someone, besides the sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know what i am but i do know that the first time i set foot in a swingers club i felt as if i had found the missing part of a puzzle."
..Well said.. A lot of us are looking for that missing piece of the puzzle  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been called "polyamorous". I've been called "solo poly". I've been called a "relationship anarchist".
I consider myself single, and so do all my partners.
I'm here because sex makes me happy and conventional relationships don't.
The relationship elevator especially needs to get in the bin.
Aren't there other aspects that you like when you're intimate with someone, besides the sex?"
So I have my female fiancée who i live with and then my boyfriend. There’s emotions involved. It’s more than a FWB or an opene relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Polyamory is a massive catch all term anyway. The running joke is when you meet another poly couple/whatever you ask “what’s your dynamic”.
Apparently my dynamic is to just not be a twat to anyone. 100% honesty a truth, not that I can lie anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Single guy and definitely not a swinger. Here to have some fun until I find that amazing woman who wants me all to herself (so probably on here forever then ). So a regular FWB would be good and a few new scenarios (threesome etc). Not arsed about clubs or making "lifestyle friends". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"(I'm not single, just offering my comments on this conversation) As a polyamorous person I find the whole all or nothing attitude to relationships kinda baffling. Within polyamory there's room to pick and choose what elements of a relationship you both want and which you don't. There's something called solo polyamory where you completely reject the idea that relationships have to progress to things like living together. We call it stepping off the relationship escalator, the relationship escalator being what is considered to be the natural, expected progression of a relationship.
I'm not saying this kind of set up is impossible in a monogamous situation, I just imagine it would be more difficult to find as you would both need to want the exact same type of arrangement if you only had each other to meet all of each others needs within the relationship.
This doesn't mean solo polyamorous people have to have loads of romantic partners. Personally I have been the primary romantic partner for solo polyamorous people. I just have other relationships too, including the partner I live with. The solo poly person got their relationship needs met through me without the pressure of the expectation that it would progress to moving in together, engagement, marriage, kids, etc or the expectation that you have to see each other at a certain frequency or spend holidays together, etc. I wasn't limited to only that relationship so as someone who doesn't want to be solo poly, I'm free to have other relationships higher up the escalator. "
Is solo poly FWB? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've seen lots of posts on the forums about what a swinger actually is and if single people are actually classed as swingers or just people looking for hook ups with lots of different people.
So what do you class yourself as? A swinger or something else? Could you handle a swinger lifestyle? Do you want the full on living together swinging relationship? Are you after a primary lover but where you have others too? Or something else? Do you think you'll find what you are looking for?
Genuinely curious. "
I'm a swinger. Much to my surprise a few years ago when I got into it. In the swinger sense of swapping, sharing, groups, bi, fantasies made reality.
I won't have a relationship with a swinger now because I wouldn't trust them to be monogamous. I don't want to swing now, and I don't think it's fair to tie a swinger to that. (I'm not saying that swingers aren't trustworthy.)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just a kinky fucker, happy with a one on one. I'd much rather explore with one lady than a series of soulless one offs. Maybe she can bring her best girlfriend on occasion... |
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"I've been called "polyamorous". I've been called "solo poly". I've been called a "relationship anarchist".
I consider myself single, and so do all my partners.
I'm here because sex makes me happy and conventional relationships don't.
The relationship elevator especially needs to get in the bin.
Aren't there other aspects that you like when you're intimate with someone, besides the sex?"
Can you give me an example of what you mean?
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"I class myself as a swinger, having been on the scene for a long while both as a married couple and a single. Swinging to me is a mentality and its not just about getting your rocks off. Its a social circle of open minded people able to enjoy free chat and occasional sexy fun. Its why I enjoy the club scene so much."
This for me too.
And to have multiple lovers (not even for the sex. Just different people who can give me different experiences and like different things from the others) xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been called "polyamorous". I've been called "solo poly". I've been called a "relationship anarchist".
I consider myself single, and so do all my partners.
I'm here because sex makes me happy and conventional relationships don't.
The relationship elevator especially needs to get in the bin.
Aren't there other aspects that you like when you're intimate with someone, besides the sex?
Can you give me an example of what you mean?
"
Well don't you enjoy feeling closer to someone as you get to know them?
That doesn't happen if you're only having sex with them |
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I started off as a swinger many moons ago, I was in a relationship and we swapped partners.
Would I class myself as one now that I'm single? No, I don't think I would. My understanding of the term is swapping partners, and I can't do that if I don't have a partner...so therefore I can't be a swinger by definition.
I'm not polyamorous either...I can share physically but not emotionally. |
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"I've been called "polyamorous". I've been called "solo poly". I've been called a "relationship anarchist".
I consider myself single, and so do all my partners.
I'm here because sex makes me happy and conventional relationships don't.
The relationship elevator especially needs to get in the bin.
Aren't there other aspects that you like when you're intimate with someone, besides the sex?
Can you give me an example of what you mean?
Well don't you enjoy feeling closer to someone as you get to know them?
That doesn't happen if you're only having sex with them "
Um. I suppose it's nice enough when it happens, I guess? Not really a priority for me. I imagine there are other websites for people who are interested in that sort of thing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been in the scene a long time. I have been thinking about a relationship however finding someone to spend my vanilla life with but also prepared to embrace swingers is hard. Also how the hell do you find that lady!!! |
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This site is called fabswingers which insinuates that its for swinging. Obviously it is for swinging but it's also a good sex site to meet like minded people and play out your fantasies. I wouldn't label myself but I know what I use and want the site for, which is sex with hot women whether they a single or coupled up |
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