FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Level of truth? I think pretty high
Level of truth? I think pretty high
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
10 things a sub expects a Dom to know…without being told
1. She needs to be the priority. She doesn’t want to compete with others. If every woman is hot, she’ll find it hard to stand out….and she needs to stand out.
2. She has emotions and needs them acknowledged. Probably more than you bargained for.
3. She needs you to know her better than others do….if her friends notice she was in a slump, you should notice first.
4. There are some things some of us just can’t physically do…don’t expect her to do something just because your last sub could or you’ve seen another sub do it. Not every sub can take a dick all the way down her throat.
5. Don’t compare her. She’s her own individual. She’s unique. That’s probably why you chose her in the first place. She may not be the hottest sub or have pics of her pink parts spread out for the world to see. But she goes out of her way to be the best in your eyes. Show her that she is.
6. Let her control things. ( wait, don’t let your heads explode here). If you’ve delegated certain chores to her…give her the control to do them. If they are getting done, does it really matter that they weren’t done in the exact way you would’ve done them?
7. Enforce the rules. All the time. Not just when it makes you feel Domly. After all, she’s in this D/s relationship because she needs the structure of the rules. She might sigh or grumble… but rules are partly why she’s here.
8. Remind her she’s yours. Every day. Even if you haven’t collared her, she’s given herself to you. She wants to hear and see that you own her. (Example: a hand full of hair while firmly kissing her will remind her of that…and get her wet in the process . )
9. Appreciate the submission she gives you. It takes more for some to submit than just the act of doing what they are told. She might find that she has to submit herself every day.
10. Be hers. Just as she is yours. Let her know that you aren’t just a Dom…you are HER Dom
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Are they your own words OP? 
Whilst *some* of those are all very good pointers - they're not a catch all that will work for everyone and every dynamic. Each D/s relationship is individual and the "rules" within it may vary wildly from what you have found here.
They will be negotiated and agreed between all involved to fit the individual needs and desires of all concerned.
I'd also suggest, respectfully, that what you have posted here is somewhat lacking, it doesn't cover us male submissives for one, or a female dominant, or the needs of a dominant for after care etc, in fact it doesn't really cover after care at all.
Yes, there are some good common sense pointers in there, but they are simply that, common sense.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's great but a teeny bit one sided. What if your a female domme?  "
Exactly what I was just coming in to say!! All very true but a very big assumption that subs are females. And a very incorrect assumption at that. Good understanding of what a Dom/Domme should be. Not a good understanding that it involves other genders. Shame on you op! Put you over my knee and show you who is boss. Don't be making that mistake again   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
All these advice threads have made me need to rewrite loads of my book! Don’t want to piss people off before they’ve even started reading and don’t want people thinking who the hell am I to give people advice, what makes me qualified to do so kind of thing. It’s a good job really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Are they your own words OP?
Whilst *some* of those are all very good pointers - they're not a catch all that will work for everyone and every dynamic. Each D/s relationship is individual and the "rules" within it may vary wildly from what you have found here.
They will be negotiated and agreed between all involved to fit the individual needs and desires of all concerned.
I'd also suggest, respectfully, that what you have posted here is somewhat lacking, it doesn't cover us male submissives for one, or a female dominant, or the needs of a dominant for after care etc, in fact it doesn't really cover after care at all.
Yes, there are some good common sense pointers in there, but they are simply that, common sense.
"
Agree with a good few points you have made. Unfortunately the common sense part I have to disagree with. There are some right bellend people out there who have no concept of any of the points the op has made in relation to such a dynamic. Some people just fly about giving no thought to any of these points. You would be surprised how many just state use me any way you want, I have no boundaries Mate, there's a book. Go and read about shit and then come back to me when you have worked through your expectations xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"All these advice threads have made me need to rewrite loads of my book! Don’t want to piss people off before they’ve even started reading and don’t want people thinking who the hell am I to give people advice, what makes me qualified to do so kind of thing. It’s a good job really. "
Don't present it as advice. Just your view based on your experiences and observations?
There have been many advice threads of late. Very easy for them to come across as condescending even if that wasn't the original intent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Are they your own words OP?
Whilst *some* of those are all very good pointers - they're not a catch all that will work for everyone and every dynamic. Each D/s relationship is individual and the "rules" within it may vary wildly from what you have found here.
They will be negotiated and agreed between all involved to fit the individual needs and desires of all concerned.
I'd also suggest, respectfully, that what you have posted here is somewhat lacking, it doesn't cover us male submissives for one, or a female dominant, or the needs of a dominant for after care etc, in fact it doesn't really cover after care at all.
Yes, there are some good common sense pointers in there, but they are simply that, common sense.
Agree with a good few points you have made. Unfortunately the common sense part I have to disagree with. There are some right bellend people out there who have no concept of any of the points the op has made in relation to such a dynamic. Some people just fly about giving no thought to any of these points. You would be surprised how many just state use me any way you want, I have no boundaries Mate, there's a book. Go and read about shit and then come back to me when you have worked through your expectations xxx"
Oh agree there are some idiots out there on both sides of the D/s coin - perhaps I should have included the words "what should be" before common sense - or even better re-worded it as "common decency, respect and consideration" - either way fair point  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's great but a teeny bit one sided. What if your a female domme?
Exactly what I was just coming in to say!! All very true but a very big assumption that subs are females. And a very incorrect assumption at that. Good understanding of what a Dom/Domme should be. Not a good understanding that it involves other genders. Shame on you op! Put you over my knee and show you who is boss. Don't be making that mistake again "
Well said! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"That's great but a teeny bit one sided. What if your a female domme?
Exactly what I was just coming in to say!! All very true but a very big assumption that subs are females. And a very incorrect assumption at that. Good understanding of what a Dom/Domme should be. Not a good understanding that it involves other genders. Shame on you op! Put you over my knee and show you who is boss. Don't be making that mistake again
Well said! "
Interesting side note how the original Dominant/submissive of D/s became gendered, when actually it is (was?) gender neutral. It was the role not the gender. A Dom(inant) did not matter if male or female and interchangeability was part of the power play.
Blame the Daily Mail  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Thanks OP. I might be starting out on this at some point at there are good pointers there for me.
It may be common sense but for those of us who want to Dominate and have found a sub who wants it but I'm not entirely sure if I'm going about it the right way. Of course, I know each relationship is based first on trust and is unique to those individuals but pointers like let her know I am hers was helpful bc whilst it's instinctual that I am, it's good to know that it is very much a part of the dynamic to show this less than dominant vulnerability.
Gents, please stop knocking 'advice' like this. It's a sharing Forum and we share our own experiences in order that others garner whatever they want from it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's great but a teeny bit one sided. What if your a female domme?
Exactly what I was just coming in to say!! All very true but a very big assumption that subs are females. And a very incorrect assumption at that. Good understanding of what a Dom/Domme should be. Not a good understanding that it involves other genders. Shame on you op! Put you over my knee and show you who is boss. Don't be making that mistake again
Well said!
Interesting side note how the original Dominant/submissive of D/s became gendered, when actually it is (was?) gender neutral. It was the role not the gender. A Dom(inant) did not matter if male or female and interchangeability was part of the power play.
Blame the Daily Mail "
YES...that's how I feel. I would want her ti dominate me as well!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thanks OP. I might be starting out on this at some point at there are good pointers there for me.
It may be common sense but for those of us who want to Dominate and have found a sub who wants it but I'm not entirely sure if I'm going about it the right way. Of course, I know each relationship is based first on trust and is unique to those individuals but pointers like let her know I am hers was helpful bc whilst it's instinctual that I am, it's good to know that it is very much a part of the dynamic to show this less than dominant vulnerability.
Gents, please stop knocking 'advice' like this. It's a sharing Forum and we share our own experiences in order that others garner whatever they want from it."
Not knocking it at all (even though it *is* a copy/paste from various locations on the internet!!) and made it very clear there *are* some good pointers in there - it's just it's been presented as pretty much a catch all, and a very gendered one at that, and as I, and others, pointed out it needed caveating
Yes, there *are* things in there that may provide a level of guidance and food for thought but there is a lot more to it than a simple ten point guide most of which *is* common sense, decency and respect.
As I often say there is no single "right" way to D/s only the way agreed and negotiated between those involved and some of those points mentioned in the OP may not apply to all, either dominant or submissive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All these advice threads have made me need to rewrite loads of my book! Don’t want to piss people off before they’ve even started reading and don’t want people thinking who the hell am I to give people advice, what makes me qualified to do so kind of thing. It’s a good job really.
Don't present it as advice. Just your view based on your experiences and observations?
There have been many advice threads of late. Very easy for them to come across as condescending even if that wasn't the original intent."
That’s exactly why I’ve had to tweak it and the title! My intention wasn’t to be condescending or patronising at all but it can come across like that. Maybe it’s different if someone is buying a book specifically to get advice but regardless, I’ve had to change the way it’s all presented. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks OP. I might be starting out on this at some point at there are good pointers there for me.
It may be common sense but for those of us who want to Dominate and have found a sub who wants it but I'm not entirely sure if I'm going about it the right way. Of course, I know each relationship is based first on trust and is unique to those individuals but pointers like let her know I am hers was helpful bc whilst it's instinctual that I am, it's good to know that it is very much a part of the dynamic to show this less than dominant vulnerability.
Gents, please stop knocking 'advice' like this. It's a sharing Forum and we share our own experiences in order that others garner whatever they want from it.
Not knocking it at all (even though it *is* a copy/paste from various locations on the internet!!) and made it very clear there *are* some good pointers in there - it's just it's been presented as pretty much a catch all, and a very gendered one at that, and as I, and others, pointed out it needed caveating
Yes, there *are* things in there that may provide a level of guidance and food for thought but there is a lot more to it than a simple ten point guide most of which *is* common sense, decency and respect.
As I often say there is no single "right" way to D/s only the way agreed and negotiated between those involved and some of those points mentioned in the OP may not apply to all, either dominant or submissive."
I understand. I haven't done much research on it, just going by instincts for now, really. I'll probably come across the cut and paste somewhere as I start looking around. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This post is so one sided, even as a sub I know some of these are just not quite right. Though I guess it depends on the negotiated dynamic of the D/s. But some of these just seem a bit naive and symplistic from my own experience.
Yes I need to feel like priority numver one occasionally, we all do in any kind of relationship not just a D/s one. But it has to be reasonable, everyone has responsibilities some have children or elderly parents to look after.
And a Dominants emotional well-being and feeling loved and needed is as important as the subs. They invest their emotions into the sub and the sub needs to acknowledge and respect that too.
And dominants are human, they will miss things and make mistakes just like anyone else does. Yes I put my Dom on a pedestal but I know that he isn't perfect nobody is.
Not all dominants are the same, some are sadists some are more caregivers they cannot be compared to one another just the same as there are different subs.
Communication is important if a sub is feeling overwhelmed it's their responsibility to tell their Dom too. Everything is a negotiation and expectations from each party should be discussed. And enforcement of rules shouldn't always be met, understanding from a Dom if you've been unwell or work has been stressful should be taken into consideration.
A D/s relationship is a beautiful thing where each side of the coin relies on the other. Dom's aren't only cold hearted rule enforcer's they love their subs as much as their subs love them.
And this is only my experience, I know there are others on here who will have a different take. There is no one set of rules, only the ones a D/s couple set out between each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I posted it just to get peoples opinions and throw something out there that I saw before. I don’t agree with it at all in some places. Each relationship (regardless of the dynamics of it) is totally unique and special to the people in that relationship.
I saw the original post that I’ve put up and posted it here without a comment or edit from myself to get user feedback from the members on this site that are active on here.
I’m glad that so many agree with the same point and that there are also the points of a lack of a female dom and the generic points made also, it’s like watching fifty shades and seeing that he got her d*unk and took advantage instead of getting full and proper consent as it should be also explored properly with your eyes wide open to everything in front of you and beyond also |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Thanks OP. I might be starting out on this at some point at there are good pointers there for me.
It may be common sense but for those of us who want to Dominate and have found a sub who wants it but I'm not entirely sure if I'm going about it the right way. Of course, I know each relationship is based first on trust and is unique to those individuals but pointers like let her know I am hers was helpful bc whilst it's instinctual that I am, it's good to know that it is very much a part of the dynamic to show this less than dominant vulnerability.
Gents, please stop knocking 'advice' like this. It's a sharing Forum and we share our own experiences in order that others garner whatever they want from it."
For the love of God make sure you ask questions from people who may be more experienced, either here, other sites, munches, the sub (if he/she is experienced).
Do not read one book, one site, one movie and think you know it all. Treat every day as a school day, constantly learning and evolving. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks OP. I might be starting out on this at some point at there are good pointers there for me.
It may be common sense but for those of us who want to Dominate and have found a sub who wants it but I'm not entirely sure if I'm going about it the right way. Of course, I know each relationship is based first on trust and is unique to those individuals but pointers like let her know I am hers was helpful bc whilst it's instinctual that I am, it's good to know that it is very much a part of the dynamic to show this less than dominant vulnerability.
Gents, please stop knocking 'advice' like this. It's a sharing Forum and we share our own experiences in order that others garner whatever they want from it.
For the love of God make sure you ask questions from people who may be more experienced, either here, other sites, munches, the sub (if he/she is experienced).
Do not read one book, one site, one movie and think you know it all. Treat every day as a school day, constantly learning and evolving."
Erm...yes, I think it goes without saying that I won't learn from only one source but thank you for letting me know. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This post is so one sided, even as a sub I know some of these are just not quite right. Though I guess it depends on the negotiated dynamic of the D/s. But some of these just seem a bit naive and symplistic from my own experience.
Yes I need to feel like priority numver one occasionally, we all do in any kind of relationship not just a D/s one. But it has to be reasonable, everyone has responsibilities some have children or elderly parents to look after.
And a Dominants emotional well-being and feeling loved and needed is as important as the subs. They invest their emotions into the sub and the sub needs to acknowledge and respect that too.
And dominants are human, they will miss things and make mistakes just like anyone else does. Yes I put my Dom on a pedestal but I know that he isn't perfect nobody is.
Not all dominants are the same, some are sadists some are more caregivers they cannot be compared to one another just the same as there are different subs.
Communication is important if a sub is feeling overwhelmed it's their responsibility to tell their Dom too. Everything is a negotiation and expectations from each party should be discussed. And enforcement of rules shouldn't always be met, understanding from a Dom if you've been unwell or work has been stressful should be taken into consideration.
A D/s relationship is a beautiful thing where each side of the coin relies on the other. Dom's aren't only cold hearted rule enforcer's they love their subs as much as their subs love them.
And this is only my experience, I know there are others on here who will have a different take. There is no one set of rules, only the ones a D/s couple set out between each other "
THANKS. Very helpful. Actually, I'm beginning to realise I am fairly dominant without even knowing it, based on some of what I've seen here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
To be honest OP lost me at number 1. Althougb personally I am monogamous in D/S there are dominants that have more than one sub, and I have met a number of subs that were happy to be in a hierarchy of subs to one dom.
In regard to 2 and 3 it depends on the dynamic. It also ignores the fact that subs may be married or in an partnership and seek emotional support there and is looking for all that good D/S submission from a dominant.
It just undermines any belief in OP's D/S experience putting out what may have been cut and pasted from a magazine like Cosmopolitan's take on D/S.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Welcome to the forum OP. Keep posting and don't feel threatened by the competition.... "
I don't think there is anything either "threatening" or "competitive" in what others, myself included, have posted - purely opinions, and reasoned ones at that, as to why his OP may have it's flaws - something which he himself has acknowledged as well as confirming he was inviting those opinions.
He, and anyone else should of course keep posting - that's what forums are for after all |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Welcome to the forum OP. Keep posting and don't feel threatened by the competition....
I don't think there is anything either "threatening" or "competitive" in what others, myself included, have posted - purely opinions, and reasoned ones at that, as to why his OP may have it's flaws - something which he himself has acknowledged as well as confirming he was inviting those opinions.
He, and anyone else should of course keep posting - that's what forums are for after all "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This post is so one sided, even as a sub I know some of these are just not quite right. Though I guess it depends on the negotiated dynamic of the D/s. But some of these just seem a bit naive and symplistic from my own experience.
Yes I need to feel like priority numver one occasionally, we all do in any kind of relationship not just a D/s one. But it has to be reasonable, everyone has responsibilities some have children or elderly parents to look after.
And a Dominants emotional well-being and feeling loved and needed is as important as the subs. They invest their emotions into the sub and the sub needs to acknowledge and respect that too.
And dominants are human, they will miss things and make mistakes just like anyone else does. Yes I put my Dom on a pedestal but I know that he isn't perfect nobody is.
Not all dominants are the same, some are sadists some are more caregivers they cannot be compared to one another just the same as there are different subs.
Communication is important if a sub is feeling overwhelmed it's their responsibility to tell their Dom too. Everything is a negotiation and expectations from each party should be discussed. And enforcement of rules shouldn't always be met, understanding from a Dom if you've been unwell or work has been stressful should be taken into consideration.
A D/s relationship is a beautiful thing where each side of the coin relies on the other. Dom's aren't only cold hearted rule enforcer's they love their subs as much as their subs love them.
And this is only my experience, I know there are others on here who will have a different take. There is no one set of rules, only the ones a D/s couple set out between each other
THANKS. Very helpful. Actually, I'm beginning to realise I am fairly dominant without even knowing it, based on some of what I've seen here."
Not a problem, it's not something I seeked out. It was something that occurred naturally over time. Sometimes you discover a label and sometimes you don't. As long as everyone is happy who cares if that makes sense? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
