FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Emotional targeting

Emotional targeting

By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

I'm saying targeting as the proper word is blocked on forum.

So a friend on site has had a weird interaction this morning. Full on emotional targeting - guy messages and they seem to be having a nice convo back and forth. Then it goes all dark and he's telling her that she's his last hope as no one responds to him. He's picked a spot and is off to take his own life. Updates his profile depicting as all suicidal.

Friend does right thing, report to admin and sends links to professional help organisations and urges to get intouch. Man sees this as green light to chat so starts saying she has saved him and sending pics. Updates his profile about this wonderful lady who has saved his life etc.

She blocks him, naturally.

He makes a new profile and sends barrage of abuse including saying hes off to kill himself and her name will be on the death note. It's all her fault etc.

She again sends links to help, tells him to stop emotionally blackm ailing people, reports to admin and blocks.

Good fucking grief. How many of you have gone through that kind of abuse? It beggars belief there are people like that out there in the world.

Any advice I can pass on to her? Obv I've done the usual - send links to MH help orgs, report to admin, block, hide profile for a bit etc.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Not exactly that, but there's certainly a subset of people who are wildly manipulative.

It is unfortunately a risk interacting, particularly online, and guarding yourself/ setting hard boundaries is crucial.

So is support from others in public and private, here or elsewhere.

I hope action is taken against the perpetrators of such things.

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By *assage_MusicCouple over a year ago

South East

Another thing she can do is to

IGNORE.

If the nutter persists to the point of targeting her real whereabouts or links her other online presence, she should report him to the police.

I hope she doesn't believe for a moment all this BS about saving his life...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmmm its tricky... I've reached out to a few people and inevitably for some it goes down a similar route.

I try to keep it light +positive, but its not easy

I feel for your friend

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a horrible thing to have had happened. Can she block all new profiles to stop him keep making new ones to get in touch. Aswell as all the reporting and not interacting etc.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is a manipulative action it sound like to provoke a favorable response.

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

The problem is trying to distinguish between genuine people in crisis and manipulators. We are all manipulative to some degree, so it’s not that easy to spot sometimes. The people who play these games know how to play them well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like someone with a lot of time on there hands. Probably some kind of kink.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The problem is trying to distinguish between genuine people in crisis and manipulators. We are all manipulative to some degree, so it’s not that easy to spot sometimes. The people who play these games know how to play them well.

Yes.. this!

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes. But the response should be the same. Point in the direction of appropriate services and back away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That is deplorable behaviour tbh. Granted so many ppl are struggling this year. Granted ppl struggle to make ‘successful’ connections on fab but to manipulate someone like that is very sad indeed. Hopefully the chap gets help and the OP’s friend can not let the experience affect her too deeply.

Manipulation on here is a real thing. The minute you reply to a message it can become that you are that persons last hope for a meet and noone else replies, etc all sorts of comments to pigeon hole you into further interaction which is unfair. Its further compounded by abuse for not responding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's awful

I think the best thing she can do is ignore any further messages and keep on blocking and reporting.

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

Thanks all for the advice and replies it's really appreciated. It certainly does feel to me like a manipulator having had first hand experience of similar situation in the past. But yes she is caring so it is in her nature to make sure people are safe. I've reassured her that the best that can be done is to send links to professional orgs to offer help , report to admin, block and keep well clear.

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Crikey!

how disconcerting is that...

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

"What a horrible thing to have had happened. Can she block all new profiles to stop him keep making new ones to get in touch. Aswell as all the reporting and not interacting etc. "

Excellent idea. Forgot about message filters for new users. Thank you!

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

"That is deplorable behaviour tbh. Granted so many ppl are struggling this year. Granted ppl struggle to make ‘successful’ connections on fab but to manipulate someone like that is very sad indeed. Hopefully the chap gets help and the OP’s friend can not let the experience affect her too deeply.

She's just linked me his profile and even I can't work out if he's in crisis or being manipulative. He has laid into her in there (without naming her). The rest of it is horrifying. I've reported it.

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

"What a horrible thing to have had happened. Can she block all new profiles to stop him keep making new ones to get in touch. Aswell as all the reporting and not interacting etc.

Excellent idea. Forgot about message filters for new users. Thank you!

Ah. That didn't work. Apparently he's not made a new account he's got multiple accounts. Major red flags now.

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By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I'm saying targeting as the proper word is blocked on forum.

She blocks him, naturally.

He makes a new profile and sends barrage of abuse including saying hes off to kill himself and her name will be on the death note. It's all her fault etc.

She again sends links to help, tells him to stop emotionally blackm ailing people, reports to admin and blocks.

Good fucking grief. How many of you have gone through that kind of abuse? It beggars belief there are people like that out there in the world.

Any advice I can pass on to her? Obv I've done the usual - send links to MH help orgs, report to admin, block, hide profile for a bit etc. "

Fucking hell

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What a horrible thing to have had happened. Can she block all new profiles to stop him keep making new ones to get in touch. Aswell as all the reporting and not interacting etc.

Excellent idea. Forgot about message filters for new users. Thank you!

Ah. That didn't work. Apparently he's not made a new account he's got multiple accounts. Major red flags now.

Is she very taken with her own profile, I might be tempted to unlos and start again under a new name. Once an arsehole has hold of you they arent keen to let go

Shoùldnt have to obvs, but might save a lot of grief. Other than that set age filters to 99-100 ànd then no-one at all can message.

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

"What a horrible thing to have had happened. Can she block all new profiles to stop him keep making new ones to get in touch. Aswell as all the reporting and not interacting etc.

Excellent idea. Forgot about message filters for new users. Thank you!

Ah. That didn't work. Apparently he's not made a new account he's got multiple accounts. Major red flags now.

Is she very taken with her own profile, I might be tempted to unlos and start again under a new name. Once an arsehole has hold of you they arent keen to let go

Shoùldnt have to obvs, but might save a lot of grief. Other than that set age filters to 99-100 ànd then no-one at all can message. "

Good shout. She's reading this thread from noobie jail so your messages are all being received.

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By *uroraLeighWoman over a year ago

Manchester

[Removed by poster at 01/12/20 13:19:17]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She should ignore/delete any more messages and pay it no more mind

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple over a year ago

Bolton

This is so sad that someone feels the only way to get noticed is to brow beat someone into it.

What a sad state we have become when someone feels this way. having said that i am sure a lot of people this year are very close to doing things like this. My heart goes out to anyone not doing too well right now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve encountered it in the distant past, from a lady, I’d seen 4 times, over a year or so.

she was upset I didn’t feel the same way, so she began calling multiple times a day, nice/nasty voicemails, emails, hysterics, you name it, I copped it. This went on for months. She threatened suicide. I called the police to check on her safety.

Unfortunately, it started an avalanche of stalking behaviour, and conduct, that would’ve got a man arrested or charged. It stopped after 4 years.

She was warned by police of her conduct, but I felt that, they didn’t take the seriousness of the situation, because it was a man reporting this behaviour, rather than the other way around.

The reality of encountering behaviour like that, is, that you become less tolerant of innocent events, that occur, daily. You question them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm saying targeting as the proper word is blocked on forum.

She blocks him, naturally.

He makes a new profile and sends barrage of abuse including saying hes off to kill himself and her name will be on the death note. It's all her fault etc.

She again sends links to help, tells him to stop emotionally blackm ailing people, reports to admin and blocks.

Good fucking grief. How many of you have gone through that kind of abuse? It beggars belief there are people like that out there in the world.

Any advice I can pass on to her? Obv I've done the usual - send links to MH help orgs, report to admin, block, hide profile for a bit etc.

Fucking hell

1. Keep a record of all messages

2. Ensure that nothing private or identifying has been disclosed.

Obviously the sensitivity of using fabs may preclude any official reports, however, request that admin or the website people, block the persons IP address - and suggest that as it’s been quite distressing to your friend, they make a concerted effort to ensure this person cannot create further fab accounts.

Ask friend to use every privacy filter that’s possible / do not interact with them in any manner - be aware with new messages - no mean feat, for a lady on fabs.

The savage side of me, would have lost sympathy for someone who threatens suicide, that many times, they’re not likely to do so, it’s simply attention.

In other words, if they threaten it, let them do it.

Distance self from it - easier said than done, if it’s upset that much.

Don’t be bullied into changing their behaviour - the problem is them not your friend.

Perhaps as a last resort - if it’s too much, hide profile and avoid it for a while, perhaps whilst covid is around.

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By *uroraLeighWoman over a year ago

Manchester

Thank you!

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

Ah ha! This was about AuroraLeigh who I see is longer in noobie Jail.

Welcome to the forums

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By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

That's really awfull for her I dont know what to suggest but give her hugs I had this from ex and he did carry it out and the guilt I felt was phenomenal as we had 3 children together was awfull! But I dont carry that guilt anymore was 10 years ago ! That said most who say this stuff dont follow through it is mostly emotional b mail x

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By *uroraLeighWoman over a year ago

Manchester

"Ah ha! This was about AuroraLeigh who I see is longer in noobie Jail.

Welcome to the forums

Thanks...you know I’m more officer than inmate anyway Mr

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Question ..........

Is it HER manipulating you ?

Or is it YOU manipulating us ?

She's not responsible for the internet. Block, move on.

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By *hePolyMath OP Man over a year ago

Walton on Thames

"Question ..........

Is it HER manipulating you ?

Or is it YOU manipulating us ?

She's not responsible for the internet. Block, move on. "

Wow. I don't even know where to go with that. I'll just bid you a good evening and best wishes.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"Thank you!"

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you are ok after all that unpleasantness xx

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By *uroraLeighWoman over a year ago

Manchester

"Thank you!

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you are ok after all that unpleasantness xx"

Thanks! Yeah no I’m fine honestly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A nice women who I've chatted to only briefly has been experiencing a very bad time on here.

I've seen her status updates and she's clearly upset by bullying and abuse some guys are giving her.

Never understood what sending nasty messages to women achieves as word must surely get around that man is to be avoided.

Us guys can brush it off but I know some of you women do take it to heart.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"Thank you!

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you are ok after all that unpleasantness xx

Thanks! Yeah no I’m fine honestly

Glad to hear it, lovely x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thank you!"

Is he still mailing you?

If it was me on a relatively new profile I'd create a new one with slightly different details and all completely different pics. Then if he mails the new profile don't reply at all.

Good luck.

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Nothing tricky about it.

Block. Report. Ignore. Keep doing it. No interaction. Don’t reply out of care or concern or even exasperation. It won’t change anything. If he does it he does it. It’s on NO-ONE but him.

Your poor friend what a fucking awful thing to go through. I’d be inclined to lock up the filters too so no one can message.

V x

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By *uroraLeighWoman over a year ago

Manchester

"Thank you!

Is he still mailing you?

If it was me on a relatively new profile I'd create a new one with slightly different details and all completely different pics. Then if he mails the new profile don't reply at all.

Good luck. "

No. Blocked on both. Reported on both. Unsure if profiles still active or what.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

From the sites point of view, the woman reporting it is the best option

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