FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I Told My Mum I’m A Swinger

I Told My Mum I’m A Swinger

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So as I title said, I had a really open and honest chat with my mum last week.

We’ve always had a great relationship, but since my break up I’ve had the urge to be much more open with her about loads of things (both bad and good) that I’ve kept really close to my chest. I didn’t realise I had so much bottled up and it’s been great to be able to open up in a way I haven’t felt I could for years.

So last week we were having a cuppa and a cake, and I told her that I was part of an online swinging community and had been for the better part of a year. Her response was concern at first, but then she asked me to explain further why I thought it was something I wanted to explore. After filling her in on my thoughts on free love, that I think I might have leanings towards polyamory and that I don’t necessarily see sex as something that only has to happen with someone you love, she turned around to me and said:

“As long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

That’s the abridged version of course, but it really was nice to be able to tell her the place I’m in right now and what I’m exploring. I’m now in the comfortable position where my parents and my three best friends all know and support my choices, and it feels really good to be so accepted.

My question is, has anyone else had a positive experience telling people you’re part of the scene? Doesn’t have to be a parent! Could be a family member, colleague, friend... whatever!

Love and hugs to you all

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pretty sure my mother has a fair idea, though we never discuss it. It's a bit of a don't ask don't tell situation :P

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Pretty sure my mother has a fair idea, though we never discuss it. It's a bit of a don't ask don't tell situation :P "

That’s more than fair

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ot Wife BeckyCouple over a year ago

Torrox Costa Spain

Not something we could ever do, but full marks to you for having that relationship with your parents.

Some of our friends know, but that's about it...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"So as I title said, I had a really open and honest chat with my mum last week.

“As long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

My question is, has anyone else had a positive experience telling people you’re part of the scene? Doesn’t have to be a parent! Could be a family member, colleague, friend... whatever!

Love and hugs to you all

xx"

Aw, that's lovely.

I love that you have such s good relationship with her. I never did with my mum - Irish Catholic - but she's long gone now, and I find that I wish we'd had that relationship. Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not something we could ever do, but full marks to you for having that relationship with your parents.

Some of our friends know, but that's about it..."

I know how incredibly lucky I am to have that relationship with my parents. They’re good people. My mum told my dad and his reaction was “you weren’t doing that already?”

Did your friends take it well when you told them? X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So as I title said, I had a really open and honest chat with my mum last week.

“As long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

My question is, has anyone else had a positive experience telling people you’re part of the scene? Doesn’t have to be a parent! Could be a family member, colleague, friend... whatever!

Love and hugs to you all

Aw, that's lovely.

I love that you have such s good relationship with her. I never did with my mum - Irish Catholic - but she's long gone now, and I find that I wish we'd had that relationship. Xx"

Thanks Red. I am super lucky to have that relationship with my mum.

I’m sorry that you didn’t have that with yours. Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *BootyfulDayWoman over a year ago

…

Awww that's so good to hear!

I haven't told anyone but I am naturally more reserved/secretive with certain things and like to keep things to myself

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

My close friends all think that I have lots of weekends away with different men they are happy with that and are happy for me.

If I told them that nearly all of them are married and I chat to their wives then No thats a step too far.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

I think my mum has an inkling of the sort of shenanigans i get up to lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is amazing! being free to be who you truly are and do whatever makes you happy and be accepted by the ones who really matter is priceless. Good for you OP.

I talked to a friend who is single about me being here, she said it wasn't suitable for me, she didn't explain why. Maybe she thinks only very very bold people are on this.

I also recomended her to try but no interest. I think theres a place for every soul on fab

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Awww that's so good to hear!

I haven't told anyone but I am naturally more reserved/secretive with certain things and like to keep things to myself

That’s perfectly fair!

There is nothing wrong with keeping your cards close to your chest. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My close friends all think that I have lots of weekends away with different men they are happy with that and are happy for me.

If I told them that nearly all of them are married and I chat to their wives then No thats a step too far. "

Fair enough

Can I ask what makes it a step too far for you (or them)? Just out of curiosity not out of any judgment at all! Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I told my mum when i was 24 that i was on here. Very supportive and understood why i joined.

Most of my friends know..

This place really isn't a taboo for me.

Glad to know it worked out for you. x x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think my mum has an inkling of the sort of shenanigans i get up to lol

Hehe

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

My dad knows that prior to lockdown I had very close personal friends stay over occasionally, but that's about it. I don't think he would be too fussed to know everything though to be honest.

As for the crazy old woman, I haven't spoken to her since before this journey started, so I don't know what she may or may not know or think.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This is amazing! being free to be who you truly are and do whatever makes you happy and be accepted by the ones who really matter is priceless. Good for you OP.

I talked to a friend who is single about me being here, she said it wasn't suitable for me, she didn't explain why. Maybe she thinks only very very bold people are on this.

I also recomended her to try but no interest. I think theres a place for every soul on fab

I couldn’t agree more! There is huge variety on fab and in the scene in general. It’s actually part of what makes this lifestyle so attractive to me. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My dad knows that prior to lockdown I had very close personal friends stay over occasionally, but that's about it. I don't think he would be too fussed to know everything though to be honest.

As for the crazy old woman, I haven't spoken to her since before this journey started, so I don't know what she may or may not know or think."

And most of my friends know

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I told my mum when i was 24 that i was on here. Very supportive and understood why i joined.

Most of my friends know..

This place really isn't a taboo for me.

Glad to know it worked out for you. x x

Glad you had a similar reaction from your mum! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My dad knows that prior to lockdown I had very close personal friends stay over occasionally, but that's about it. I don't think he would be too fussed to know everything though to be honest.

As for the crazy old woman, I haven't spoken to her since before this journey started, so I don't know what she may or may not know or think.

And most of my friends know"

Yeah, I’m very supportive of your perverted life choices sweetie

Seriously though, it’s good that you have that relationship with friends that you can be open about it with them. And also nice to know that your Dad would be fine with it in theory too. Xxx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I told my mum when i was 24 that i was on here. Very supportive and understood why i joined.

Most of my friends know..

This place really isn't a taboo for me.

Glad to know it worked out for you. x x

Glad you had a similar reaction from your mum! X"

i knew my parents would understand as my mum had group sex when she was married to my dad, and my dad is bi sexual..

their marriage broke down but yeah my family is open minded.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *luebell888Woman over a year ago

Glasgowish

My 23yr old daughter knows. She finds it highly amusing but knows i am happy so that is all what matters.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

Glad your chat went well OP.

Those closest to me know and once they realised that I'm pretty safe and just enjoying doing me..and doing a few others

they were ok about it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My dad knows that prior to lockdown I had very close personal friends stay over occasionally, but that's about it. I don't think he would be too fussed to know everything though to be honest.

As for the crazy old woman, I haven't spoken to her since before this journey started, so I don't know what she may or may not know or think.

And most of my friends know

Yeah, I’m very supportive of your perverted life choices sweetie

Seriously though, it’s good that you have that relationship with friends that you can be open about it with them. And also nice to know that your Dad would be fine with it in theory too. Xxx"

Oh yeah. And obvs the fab family all know....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My 23yr old daughter knows. She finds it highly amusing but knows i am happy so that is all what matters."

That’s amazing that she knows and is happy with it.

I wonder if it’s more difficult to tell your parents or tell your kids?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Glad your chat went well OP.

Those closest to me know and once they realised that I'm pretty safe and just enjoying doing me..and doing a few others

they were ok about it."

That’s really good

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My dad knows that prior to lockdown I had very close personal friends stay over occasionally, but that's about it. I don't think he would be too fussed to know everything though to be honest.

As for the crazy old woman, I haven't spoken to her since before this journey started, so I don't know what she may or may not know or think.

And most of my friends know

Yeah, I’m very supportive of your perverted life choices sweetie

Seriously though, it’s good that you have that relationship with friends that you can be open about it with them. And also nice to know that your Dad would be fine with it in theory too. Xxx

Oh yeah. And obvs the fab family all know....

MWAH! Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eliWoman over a year ago

Sorry to read about the breakdown of your relationship but it's lovely that you were able to have such an open conversation with your mum. I hope you find your polyamory wings Op and enjoy yourself.

I've not told any of my family or my close friends apart from one but she's in Wisconsin so I think the distance helped me blurt it out to her over a d*unk Skype chat! I'd love to be able to tell my mum about my other partner - I think she'd really like him. I'm sure there's some part of her that knows but as free spirited as she is I've never managed to quite broach the subject and I'm not sure I will. It was a shock enough to find out her lesbian daughter was dating a much older man.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"My close friends all think that I have lots of weekends away with different men they are happy with that and are happy for me.

If I told them that nearly all of them are married and I chat to their wives then No thats a step too far.

Fair enough

Can I ask what makes it a step too far for you (or them)? Just out of curiosity not out of any judgment at all! Xx"

Its a step to far for them to accept, I mentioned it and they were very uncomfortable with it as they cannot comprehend sharing their husbands, so I keep it quiet about that part now

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My (kat) mum dad brother and auntie all know I decided to tell them as was sick of having to make up excuses where we were going all the time xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's great to hear that you are able to discuss with your mum and she was accepting!

I don't think I'd be able to tell my family about my being on here, they all know I'm a free spirit and that, but would ratrger them not know.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

I think my parents have to know. Everyone else around me does. Even my teenage kids.

I think my mam thinks I’m just enjoying myself and my dad thinks I’m a bit of a whore.... and you know what they are both ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!

I wouldn’t change my lifestyle for anyone though. It’s the best life ever

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ang bang bangity bangCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

What type of cake?

We've told 2 different friends. They find it hilarious and completely unsurprising.

Not sure we'd tell any family

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

"My (kat) mum dad brother and auntie all know I decided to tell them as was sick of having to make up excuses where we were going all the time xx"

This is ace. I’m just gonna blurt it out next time. Just to cement the truth. lol x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's amazing that you can be open with your Mum about this lifestyle and glad it went well.

I wouldn't dare tell my parents as I was raised in a sexually repressed household (part of the culture) where we wouldn't talk about sex. I do wish we could be more open though as it would remove a lot of the awkwardness

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rivateparts!Man over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

[Removed by poster at 26/11/20 16:56:03]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rivateparts!Man over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

I told my mam years ago because the ex wife was going to try and out me about my lifestyle.

Mothers reply was well you've always been a man tart.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

My great uncle had a wife and A lover who he spent 50/50 time with. It all came to light after his wife died but all the family had known since 1957.

They were quite carefree about it but this guy was like a multi-millionaire and why is some stuff weirdly acceptable when you’re rich but seen as disgusting when you’re poor - like being bilingual or having 6 kids or finding something you like at Lidl? Know what I mean.

Anyway. Point is, if he can do it and it be ‘cool’ I’m bloody well having two fellas too!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My (kat) mum dad brother and auntie all know I decided to tell them as was sick of having to make up excuses where we were going all the time xx

This is ace. I’m just gonna blurt it out next time. Just to cement the truth. lol x"

Go for it xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sorry to read about the breakdown of your relationship but it's lovely that you were able to have such an open conversation with your mum. I hope you find your polyamory wings Op and enjoy yourself.

I’m coping sweetie and I’ll be stronger for it. I probably never would have told her while I was with my ex. I was keeping lots of secrets about how bad things were, so as I’ve been able to talk about them it’s felt much easier to also talk about the good things.

Maybe one day it’ll come up for you

and I’m sure she’ll be happy and accepting by the sounds of it if it ever does. Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m so happy you could have this conversation....

Unfortunately I’m the black sheep of my family and always has been seen as a trouble maker.....

So after finally getting married and having my son... I’ve finally become accepted as normal by my family......

If I told them about my sex life , I’d go back to square one......

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *renzMan over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

It's not something I have done, but a couple I used to see regularly told their three older teenage/early 20's children and I was introduced as the 'third wheel'. It went ok. Not the first time I have been introduced to couples children, but not as a swinger.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My close friends all think that I have lots of weekends away with different men they are happy with that and are happy for me.

If I told them that nearly all of them are married and I chat to their wives then No thats a step too far.

Fair enough

Can I ask what makes it a step too far for you (or them)? Just out of curiosity not out of any judgment at all! Xx

Its a step to far for them to accept, I mentioned it and they were very uncomfortable with it as they cannot comprehend sharing their husbands, so I keep it quiet about that part now "

That makes sense

thanks for answering my question sweetie! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My (kat) mum dad brother and auntie all know I decided to tell them as was sick of having to make up excuses where we were going all the time xx"

I’m assuming it went well all round then

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's great to hear that you are able to discuss with your mum and she was accepting!

I don't think I'd be able to tell my family about my being on here, they all know I'm a free spirit and that, but would ratrger them not know."

Which is more than fair

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ang bang bangity bangCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

S here. We have told a few friends and they have had questions but haven't really found it that odd.

I wish sex wasn't a taboo in real life. I feel like all these kind of things should be open.

I don't think it would come up in conversation with our parents. Siblings maybe though.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think my parents have to know. Everyone else around me does. Even my teenage kids.

I think my mam thinks I’m just enjoying myself and my dad thinks I’m a bit of a whore.... and you know what they are both ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!

I wouldn’t change my lifestyle for anyone though. It’s the best life ever

Haha, sounds familiar

When my mum told my dad he said “you weren’t doing that already”

Which is strangely the exact same reactions I got from all three of my best friends. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What type of cake?

We've told 2 different friends. They find it hilarious and completely unsurprising.

Not sure we'd tell any family "

What is it about friends finding it funny/unsurprising?

Oh and we were having strawberry tarts... which is hilariously appropriate in hindsight

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ang bang bangity bangCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

"What type of cake?

We've told 2 different friends. They find it hilarious and completely unsurprising.

Not sure we'd tell any family

What is it about friends finding it funny/unsurprising?

Oh and we were having strawberry tarts... which is hilariously appropriate in hindsight

Strawberry tarts... the only way it could have been more appropriate was creampie or lady fingers

We're pretty carefree and do things because they seem enjoyable rather than what we're expected to do. One of them commented they were surprised we hadn't been at it for ages

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's amazing that you can be open with your Mum about this lifestyle and glad it went well.

I can understand.

Is it something you think you’d ever be able to talk to them about, or just something that’s better left alone.

Excuse my curiosity! Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I told my mam years ago because the ex wife was going to try and out me about my lifestyle.

Mothers reply was well you've always been a man tart.

Haha! Got to love an honest mum

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My great uncle had a wife and A lover who he spent 50/50 time with. It all came to light after his wife died but all the family had known since 1957.

Anyway. Point is, if he can do it and it be ‘cool’ I’m bloody well having two fellas too!

Damn right! *high five* xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My 23yr old daughter knows. She finds it highly amusing but knows i am happy so that is all what matters."

This is lovely. Having open communication with the dauthers is essential in these times and it only strengthens the bond. I wish older generations would have started earlier, how different things would be.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP just out of curiosity, in the last hour how many men have messaged you and asked if your mum wants to join you for a meet?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m so happy you could have this conversation....

Unfortunately I’m the black sheep of my family and always has been seen as a trouble maker.....

So after finally getting married and having my son... I’ve finally become accepted as normal by my family......

If I told them about my sex life , I’d go back to square one......"

Oh sweetie, it sucks that you feel that way!

If it’s any consolation you’re accepted here

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's not something I have done, but a couple I used to see regularly told their three older teenage/early 20's children and I was introduced as the 'third wheel'. It went ok. Not the first time I have been introduced to couples children, but not as a swinger."

Well that must have been an interesting experience. It must have been pretty liberating for them I’d imagine.

How’d you feel about it? X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What type of cake?

We've told 2 different friends. They find it hilarious and completely unsurprising.

Not sure we'd tell any family

What is it about friends finding it funny/unsurprising?

Oh and we were having strawberry tarts... which is hilariously appropriate in hindsight

Strawberry tarts... the only way it could have been more appropriate was creampie or lady fingers

We're pretty carefree and do things because they seem enjoyable rather than what we're expected to do. One of them commented they were surprised we hadn't been at it for ages"

Sounds so familiar

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's amazing that you can be open with your Mum about this lifestyle and glad it went well.

I can understand.

Is it something you think you’d ever be able to talk to them about, or just something that’s better left alone.

Excuse my curiosity! Xx"

No worries!

I don't think I could ever tell my parents as they are pretty old school so trying to explain it wouldn't be worth the effort. If I did tell anyone, it might be my siblings but I'm fairly new to this lifestyle anyway so it's unlikely I would tell anyone unless I know I'm sticking around so to speak

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP just out of curiosity, in the last hour how many men have messaged you and asked if your mum wants to join you for a meet?"

None. She wouldn’t anyway

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's amazing that you can be open with your Mum about this lifestyle and glad it went well.

I can understand.

Is it something you think you’d ever be able to talk to them about, or just something that’s better left alone.

Excuse my curiosity! Xx

No worries!

That makes a lot of sense. There’s nothing wrong with exploration and then (if you want to) talking to people about it when you’re ready.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP just out of curiosity, in the last hour how many men have messaged you and asked if your mum wants to join you for a meet?

None. She wouldn’t anyway

You’ve just reaffirmed my faith in the men on this site!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otTonite1Man over a year ago

Falkirk

Mmmm strawberry tarts, though they are rarely the fresh cream ones which are just a level above.

OP you are ace and clearly parents are too

Family don't know, a few friends know and think more are surprised than not.

Hugs ((( )))

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rivateparts!Man over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

"I told my mam years ago because the ex wife was going to try and out me about my lifestyle.

Mothers reply was well you've always been a man tart.

Haha! Got to love an honest mum

She knew what I was like and always called it how it was

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mmmm strawberry tarts, though they are rarely the fresh cream ones which are just a level above.

OP you are ace and clearly parents are too

Family don't know, a few friends know and think more are surprised than not.

Hugs ((( )))"

Hey you! Since when did you start coming into the forums?

xxx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I told my mam years ago because the ex wife was going to try and out me about my lifestyle.

Mothers reply was well you've always been a man tart.

Haha! Got to love an honest mum

She knew what I was like and always called it how it was

Sounds like a good woman to me! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find myself curious to know for what reason someone would share this kinda information with their parents. Once you tell them it's difficult to take it back and the outcome could have been altogether different.

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otTonite1Man over a year ago

Falkirk

"Mmmm strawberry tarts, though they are rarely the fresh cream ones which are just a level above.

OP you are ace and clearly parents are too

Family don't know, a few friends know and think more are surprised than not.

Hugs ((( )))

Hey you! Since when did you start coming into the forums?

xxx"

Well that's quite the welcome x

I have visited forums for years though as you know I am the quiet shy type so don't usually say that much

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My (kat) mum dad brother and auntie all know I decided to tell them as was sick of having to make up excuses where we were going all the time xx

I’m assuming it went well all round then

xx"

Yeah they were all pretty cool about it apart from my auntie but she accepts it xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *imbobaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

Great thread Kitty (kisses).

One aspect I’ll add that I don’t think has been covered is that I do make a point of telling non-Fab friends (that I intend to be more than friends with) very early on. Cards on the table and only fair in my opinion.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find myself curious to know for what reason someone would share this kinda information with their parents. Once you tell them it's difficult to take it back and the outcome could have been altogether different.

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives"

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

For me, it’s more being able to feel safe to be 100% myself with my family and friends again. I’ve spent years bottling myself up and slowly but surely becoming more isolated. To be free to be open with my thoughts and experiences again has been a major aspect of my healing process. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mmmm strawberry tarts, though they are rarely the fresh cream ones which are just a level above.

OP you are ace and clearly parents are too

Family don't know, a few friends know and think more are surprised than not.

Hugs ((( )))

Hey you! Since when did you start coming into the forums?

xxx

Well that's quite the welcome x

I have visited forums for years though as you know I am the quiet shy type so don't usually say that much

Quiet and shy my foot

I’m glad you posted! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My (kat) mum dad brother and auntie all know I decided to tell them as was sick of having to make up excuses where we were going all the time xx

I’m assuming it went well all round then

Yeah they were all pretty cool about it apart from my auntie but she accepts it xx"

That’s good

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mum sounds ace.

Could I get her number please?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ugget O CassMan over a year ago

Salt lake

There are some things you just don't tell your mother.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though "

For you it may be enough. For others it isn't.

Each to their own, it's just Kitty's thoughts, feelings and experience and she is curious to know about others'.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otTonite1Man over a year ago

Falkirk

"Mmmm strawberry tarts, though they are rarely the fresh cream ones which are just a level above.

OP you are ace and clearly parents are too

Family don't know, a few friends know and think more are surprised than not.

Hugs ((( )))

Hey you! Since when did you start coming into the forums?

xxx

Well that's quite the welcome x

I have visited forums for years though as you know I am the quiet shy type so don't usually say that much

Quiet and shy my foot

I’m glad you posted! X"

I'm glad I can consider you a friend

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Awww thats amazing

Mine is judgemental and sanctimonious and would probably try to stage an intervention

When i told her i was thinking of going vegan, she told me i would die if i did it.. She was completely serious

I've been dead now for seveal years...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great thread Kitty (kisses).

Thanks Jim

I totally agree. If I was starting something intimate outside of the scene, I’d tell the person in question very early on. Give them a chance to choose to be involved or not and keep everything honest and open from the get go.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though "

Somethings are better left unsaid?

What I do for fun and recreation has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone in my family least of all my sex life.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No, don't think my sex life is anything my family need know the details of tbh.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Your mum sounds ace.

Could I get her number please?"

She doesn’t answer the phone to strange sexy men from south of the wall

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"There are some things you just don't tell your mother.

There are.

The lifestyle choice I’ve made isn’t necessarily one of them.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mmmm strawberry tarts, though they are rarely the fresh cream ones which are just a level above.

OP you are ace and clearly parents are too

Family don't know, a few friends know and think more are surprised than not.

Hugs ((( )))

Hey you! Since when did you start coming into the forums?

xxx

Well that's quite the welcome x

I have visited forums for years though as you know I am the quiet shy type so don't usually say that much

Quiet and shy my foot

I’m glad you posted! X

I'm glad I can consider you a friend

Of course

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No, don't think my sex life is anything my family need know the details of tbh. "

Which is more than fair

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *agicfingerslovelyMan over a year ago

Rugby

Interesting thread.

From being a highly repressed country to many sexual situations having a non critical assessment (slowly) in the media and people's real experiences becoming more aware to many.

Lets hope no one cares soon and others put people down.

Repression is responsible for so much sexual abuse in this country.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All my important people know I am on here and all had a similar response to your mum but I didn't expect anything different tbh

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are some things you just don't tell your mother.

There are.

The lifestyle choice I’ve made isn’t necessarily one of them. "

What compelled you to spill the beans as it were to mum over tea and Victoria sponge? What value did your mum get from the conversation?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Nope, non-poly people really don’t understand

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though

For you it may be enough. For others it isn't.

Each to their own, it's just Kitty's thoughts, feelings and experience and she is curious to know about others'."

What Posh said.

I would like to clarify that I’m not talking about sharing crazy levels of intimate details when I talk to my mum.

I don’t talk about anyone specific, details of meets or anything like that. It was just general acceptance of a lifestyle I am currently choosing.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though

For you it may be enough. For others it isn't.

Each to their own, it's just Kitty's thoughts, feelings and experience and she is curious to know about others'.

What Posh said.

I would like to clarify that I’m not talking about sharing crazy levels of intimate details when I talk to my mum.

I don’t talk about anyone specific, details of meets or anything like that. It was just general acceptance of a lifestyle I am currently choosing. "

Just cannot understand what either gained by the disclosure.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Awww thats amazing

Mine is judgemental and sanctimonious and would probably try to stage an intervention

When i told her i was thinking of going vegan, she told me i would die if i did it.. She was completely serious

I've been dead now for seveal years... "

Thanks lovely!

Shame you died years ago

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love that you're able to be so open with your mum! And that she's being supportive, must make you feel all warm and fuzzy!

I haven't told my parents, they wouldn't give a shit bar wanting to vom cos I'd mentioned sex

but all of my friends know...none of them batted an eyelid tbh

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though

For you it may be enough. For others it isn't.

Each to their own, it's just Kitty's thoughts, feelings and experience and she is curious to know about others'.

What Posh said.

I would like to clarify that I’m not talking about sharing crazy levels of intimate details when I talk to my mum.

I don’t talk about anyone specific, details of meets or anything like that. It was just general acceptance of a lifestyle I am currently choosing.

Just cannot understand what either gained by the disclosure."

It built a little bit more trust between myself and my mum. It also provided an interesting insight for both of us into the others mind.

She asked lots of interesting questions, checking my certainties and motivations. It was good to have a sounding board to talk about it, and to see her considering my responses with an open mind.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I love that you're able to be so open with your mum! And that she's being supportive, must make you feel all warm and fuzzy!

I haven't told my parents, they wouldn't give a shit bar wanting to vom cos I'd mentioned sex

but all of my friends know...none of them batted an eyelid tbh

It definitely made me happy having all the people who love me be supportive

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icknHMan over a year ago

Ilfracombe

I remember a lady from the old Paradise Spa in Dagenham who’d been introduced to swinging by her daughter and hubby, who also used to go to the club.

Different strokes / different folks I guess

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

One of my good friends knows I have a fwb and that Mr KC knows/approves. She was fine about it - it came up as she was looking on dating sites after her divorce. But I'm aware she's bisexual and very open minded. I don't think I'd broach it with others. Obviously my fwb knows about our swinging - he knows the most out of anyone outside us.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *argaryen starkCouple over a year ago

pinxton

Wife told her best mate about us . Fast forward a short while and wife was naked on our settee with her best mate snogging her with her fingers deep inside her

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Nope, non-poly people really don’t understand "

They don't have to

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *imbobaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

When kids become adults themselves I think it's perfectly okay for their parents not to be privy to every aspect of their lives

My parents aren’t privy to every aspect of my life. I told my mum I was a swinger, but I’ll never tell her intimate details of my meets or anything like that.

Why is being free and open with your thoughts with swinger friends not enough?

None of my family know my most intimate thoughts or aspects of behaviour

They still know me though

For you it may be enough. For others it isn't.

Each to their own, it's just Kitty's thoughts, feelings and experience and she is curious to know about others'.

What Posh said.

I would like to clarify that I’m not talking about sharing crazy levels of intimate details when I talk to my mum.

I don’t talk about anyone specific, details of meets or anything like that. It was just general acceptance of a lifestyle I am currently choosing.

Just cannot understand what either gained by the disclosure."

I can’t speak of the OP beyond what she has already shared, but for me the openness also comes from a place where I’ve been stung badly from both sides of keeping important information quite. Non-disclosure can be a form of deceit. Being open negates any feeling of being deceitful or possible guilt that might stem from it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

My close friends know... they were really curious at first and asked loads of questions but really didn’t bat an eyelid.. they said better and safer I do this than potentially just going to a city centre, getting d*unk and having one night stands with random randoms.. lol

My mum was the liberal one and was fine (as long as I was being safe) it was my dad who was more shocked... lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I think it's great that you can be so open with your mum and wonderful of her to be so accepting of it all.

I've told my 3 closest friends. 1 was concerned and asked if I was ok. 1 was fine with it and, unfortunately the other one thought that calling me a glorified whore was acceptable! I wasn't expecting it tbh and it had taken a lot of courage for me to bring the subject up. I remember telling her that I was upset by her remark but wouldn't fall out with her about it because she was entitled to her opinion.

She rang me a few days later to apologise after chatting to another friend who was also on a similar site who had explained things a bit better than me it would seem!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A few years ago over a few glasses of wine, the topic of fab popped up in conversation with my mum - she was the one that bought it up

Turns out she joined and left the scene with her ex years before I knew anything about it.

So safe to say she is ok with it providing I am happy, sensible, and safe - we do NOT swap stories or details about anything, but it is nice to know she hasn't got ridiculous misconceptions or judgments about anything.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All of my friends and close family know I'm poly/open except for my parents. But I wouldn't tell them about any standard romances either so it's not odd that they know nothing.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By * Sophie xTV/TS over a year ago

Derby

My mum knows about my swinging, my crossdressing and pretty much every odd or bizarre thing I've ever done or still do to this day and pretty much she has been fascinated by it all but at times also a little worried for my safety when going out dressed.

When she found out I'd had threesomes with couples her reaction was priceless.....she said 'oh my gosh they're so much fun'. Once I heard the details of who she had had her threeaome with I was a little shocked and that takes some doing

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"My mum knows about my swinging, my crossdressing and pretty much every odd or bizarre thing I've ever done or still do to this day and pretty much she has been fascinated by it all but at times also a little worried for my safety when going out dressed.

Your mom sounds great..fair play to her

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"A few years ago over a few glasses of wine, the topic of fab popped up in conversation with my mum - she was the one that bought it up

Turns out she joined and left the scene with her ex years before I knew anything about it.

Your mom sounds really cool and is not just a mom but a woman. I think kids can forget that sometimes.

I am open with mine...my daughter more so, but the boys kmow that I'm on the scene.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I told a work colleague in august she had ideas anyway as she knew when I was with Beast but told her all about fab

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By * Sophie xTV/TS over a year ago

Derby

Your mom sounds great..fair play to her

My mum is an absolute diamond of a human being, she has just turned 70 this week and my niece had a load of people make video clips for her birthday and some of the stories that came out were brilliant, the things she has done for others shows how kind and caring she really is

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like an excellent name for a Podcast?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

Your mom sounds great..fair play to her

Happy birthday to your mom and what a lovely gesture off your niece

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *andVCouple over a year ago

Doncaster

"So as I title said, I had a really open and honest chat with my mum last week.

“As long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

My question is, has anyone else had a positive experience telling people you’re part of the scene? Doesn’t have to be a parent! Could be a family member, colleague, friend... whatever!

Love and hugs to you all

xx"

We've never mentioned it to our parents, It nearly caused a massive argument once were my mum accused the Mrs of being overly flirty with my friend the night that we had done stuff, and still couldn't bring myself to tell her, and don't think we would dare now, but other friends and family know from both sides and most are curious about it and bit envious

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But why the need to tell anyone about your sex life? Frankly I don’t really care on what other people do for pleasure it’s non of my business unless asked to comment.

It seems some just want to vent for venting sake. Telling your mum that you are into recreational sex.......why?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My family and friends would be horrified if they new what I got up to , it’s so different from my public and professional persona , and there is no way that I would burden them with that knowledge, but f you feel you can share things with your family , then more power to you !

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I go dancing and it's quite a big social scene. I am always very open about my swinging past and present. It intrigues a log of people. Snd you find a lot of people who have fipped a toe in the lifestyle

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally I don't feel the need to tell anyone I'm close to about my past.

I think its actually selfish to tell someone you're close to particularly a parent about our kinks.

If they reacted badly then what ? It could damage a loving relationship I don't understand why anyone would take that risk.

No offence intended OP it's just how I see things I'm old skool and proud of that.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Personally I don't feel the need to tell anyone I'm close to about my past.

I think its actually selfish to tell someone you're close to particularly a parent about our kinks.

If they reacted badly then what ? It could damage a loving relationship I don't understand why anyone would take that risk.

No offence intended OP it's just how I see things I'm old skool and proud of that."

How is it selfish? Exactly the same attitude stopped/stops people who are homo or bisexual from being themselves around their families. And before someone says "but your mum doesn't need to know you're gay etc" just think. That you never take your romantic partner to meet your family? You never take them to family events like weddings? You don't walk hand in hand etc in case someone who knows your mum sees etc.

As a parent, if my son or daughter want to talk to me about anything at all, my job is to listen. I can offer advice, I can share my own experience (at an appropriate level) but I shouldn't be judging them. I'd hope other parents don't judge either, but know that's not the case.

It's not selfish to be you, to be yourself.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *exieTV/TS over a year ago

Cheltenham

hilarious lolol
"My mum knows about my swinging, my crossdressing and pretty much every odd or bizarre thing I've ever done or still do to this day and pretty much she has been fascinated by it all but at times also a little worried for my safety when going out dressed.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *andVCouple over a year ago

Doncaster

I think it comes down to the sort of relationship you have with your family and friends to who you decide to tell, we trust and have honest relationships with the ones We've told, and often they have told us about there experiences, one of my best friends was actually on here with his Mrs and didn't even know and we've been mates for years lol it is one of those subjects though were there is no right or wrong answer, personally neither of us are ashamed of what we do, we don't go round shoving it in peoples faces but in the right situation stuff just comes out. Especially after a few drinks lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think my parents have a good idea but we’ve never spoken about it. His parents we told when we started going to clubs - we played it down a bit and didn’t discuss exactly what we get up to but we told them we go to clubs because they call us fairly often and she would be worried if we didn’t answer for hours on end because we had our phones away. They were really cool about it, then his dad pulled the club website up on his iPad and asked if he could go, absolutely not

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Personally I don't feel the need to tell anyone I'm close to about my past.

I think its actually selfish to tell someone you're close to particularly a parent about our kinks.

If they reacted badly then what ? It could damage a loving relationship I don't understand why anyone would take that risk.

No offence intended OP it's just how I see things I'm old skool and proud of that.

It's not selfish to be you, to be yourself."

You are deviating from the original post. It appears that the OP over tea and chocolate eclairs decided to fess to mum that she indulged in recreational sex for no reason that I can see. I see no reason why this would be disclosed? If it was part of a greater disclosure on sexuality then I could see the discussion extending to that sphere of activity.

To just announce that you “swing” doesn’t seem to add anything to the relationship?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think my parents have a good idea but we’ve never spoken about it. His parents we told when we started going to clubs - we played it down a bit and didn’t discuss exactly what we get up to but we told them we go to clubs because they call us fairly often and she would be worried if we didn’t answer for hours on end because we had our phones away. They were really cool about it, then his dad pulled the club website up on his iPad and asked if he could go, absolutely not

Moral of the story is don’t let dad have access to your or hubbys I pad.

Also calling fairly often...........if you check in with the outlaws every few hours ..........what life is that?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

To just announce that you “swing” doesn’t seem to add anything to the relationship?"

It's not deviating. There has very clearly been stimulus for the OP having the discussion and it's mentioned in the post. Note the bit about recent relationship breakdown?

As far as I'm concerned, if someone's identity involves polyamory etc, then that's as intrinsic a part of them as their sexual orientation (my example). Why should people hide who they are?

Also women often get pressured by family members to get married, have children etc. It's very difficult to explain why you might not want to do those things, if the reasons involve something like polyamory (eg. not wishing to get married).

If I had a pound for every time I was asked about having children after we'd got married, I'd be bloody wealthy now. It may well be that discussing her polyamorous feelings with her mum mean the OP can avoid some of the familial pressures that are too often present.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To just announce that you “swing” doesn’t seem to add anything to the relationship?

It's not deviating. There has very clearly been stimulus for the OP having the discussion and it's mentioned in the post. Note the bit about recent relationship breakdown?

As far as I'm concerned, if someone's identity involves polyamory etc, then that's as intrinsic a part of them as their sexual orientation (my example). Why should people hide who they are?

I really do not understand your logic. The examples of why such an intimate disclosure were made are tenuous at best and outlandish at worst.

If there was a valid reason for the chocolate eclairs conversation then I cannot see it. It maybe my man failings but there is no reason why anyone should be concerned with my sex live nor me with theirs it quite simply has nothing to do with anyone.

Just my opinion.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I really do not understand your logic. The examples of why such an intimate disclosure were made are tenuous at best and outlandish at worst.

Just my opinion."

If you were gay, would you tell your family? If not, why not? Would you be happy to live a lie? Can you not see that by perhaps trying to follow traditional monogamous relationships whilst actually being polysmorous, the OP may well feel she's been living a lie? Polyamory isn't mainstream, it's not societally hugely acceptable. The more people hide things, the less opportunity there is for us to become more understanding of variety in life.

The OP stated the conversation came out of a recent relationship breakdown. It's quite common for a reassessment of one's priorities to come out of periods of distress like relationship breakdown.

If you can't be yourself with your own mother, who the heck can you be yourself with?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I really do not understand your logic. The examples of why such an intimate disclosure were made are tenuous at best and outlandish at worst.

Just my opinion.

The OP stated the conversation came out of a recent relationship breakdown. It's quite common for a reassessment of one's priorities to come out of periods of distress like relationship breakdown.

If you can't be yourself with your own mother, who the heck can you be yourself with?"

I doubt if enjoying recreational sex is living a lie and I doubt further if your mum needs to know what you do in the confines of the bedroom.

The comparison about being frank open and honest about sexuality and enjoying sex is frankly ridiculous.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

I'm more of a what happens on fab status on fab.

Yours Sounds like an excellent relationship to be able to talk frankly about all facets of your life.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I really do not understand your logic. The examples of why such an intimate disclosure were made are tenuous at best and outlandish at worst.

Just my opinion.

The OP stated the conversation came out of a recent relationship breakdown. It's quite common for a reassessment of one's priorities to come out of periods of distress like relationship breakdown.

If you can't be yourself with your own mother, who the heck can you be yourself with?

I doubt if enjoying recreational sex is living a lie and I doubt further if your mum needs to know what you do in the confines of the bedroom.

The comparison about being frank open and honest about sexuality and enjoying sex is frankly ridiculous."

Polyamory is not about enjoying recreational sex. It's about being open to potentially very long term relationships with more than one person. Living a lie is forcing yourself to stick with traditional monogamous relationships when that's not "you" in the same way being in a heterosexual relationship is a lie if you are actually gay.

There's a complete difference between polyamory and lots of casual sex partners, but again, it's not understood at all in the mainstream.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I really do not understand your logic. The examples of why such an intimate disclosure were made are tenuous at best and outlandish at worst.

Just my opinion.

The OP stated the conversation came out of a recent relationship breakdown. It's quite common for a reassessment of one's priorities to come out of periods of distress like relationship breakdown.

If you can't be yourself with your own mother, who the heck can you be yourself with?

I doubt if enjoying recreational sex is living a lie and I doubt further if your mum needs to know what you do in the confines of the bedroom.

The comparison about being frank open and honest about sexuality and enjoying sex is frankly ridiculous.

There's a complete difference between polyamory and lots of casual sex partners, but again, it's not understood at all in the mainstream."

The OP does not mention poly relationships she relates to swinging or recreational sex. As I said you are deviating from the main point of the discussion to justify your comments.

Mum has no need or dare say wants to know about the proclivity for more than one sexual partner particularly over tea and cream cake.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Quote from the OP: "After filling her in on my thoughts on free love, that I think I might have leanings towards polyamory and that I don’t necessarily see sex as something that only has to happen with someone you love, she turned around to me and said:

“As long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

Polyamory is specifically mentioned and her mother's reaction appeared positive. What's the problem?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Personally I don't feel the need to tell anyone I'm close to about my past.

I think its actually selfish to tell someone you're close to particularly a parent about our kinks.

If they reacted badly then what ? It could damage a loving relationship I don't understand why anyone would take that risk.

No offence intended OP it's just how I see things I'm old skool and proud of that.

It's not selfish to be you, to be yourself."

To be frank I don't think that's the best example. Coming out as gay or a swinger are worlds apart.

Our sexuality isn't a matter of choice being a swinger most definitely is.

Deciding to disclose to family members or close friends you're a swinger, your choice entirely.

However what about the choice of the person(s) you're telling ? They have no choice but to listen wether they agree with it or not.

For that reason it's a selfish act. Discretion is definitely the better part of valour for many in the scene.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *om and JennieCouple over a year ago

Chams or Socials

My parents know I was on here 5 years ago - my ex husband & his new partner joined (they viewed my single profile & had a face pic on their profile) & she’s the sort to hold it over me. If my parents we’re going to find out then it was going to be from me. I don’t think they realise it’s where I met T & that we’re still on here though....

J x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Quote from the OP: "After filling her in on my thoughts on free love, that I think I might have leanings towards polyamory and that I don’t necessarily see sex as something that only has to happen with someone you love, she turned around to me and said:

“As long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

Polyamory is specifically mentioned and her mother's reaction appeared positive. What's the problem?"

I stand corrected.

Either way I see no valid reason to disclose the details of a sex life for, as far as I can see, no good reason. I have no clue as to the motive and would suggest it brings nothing to the relationship.

Too much information in my view.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I remember a lady from the old Paradise Spa in Dagenham who’d been introduced to swinging by her daughter and hubby, who also used to go to the club.

Different strokes / different folks I guess"

That’s one way to do it!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"One of my good friends knows I have a fwb and that Mr KC knows/approves. She was fine about it - it came up as she was looking on dating sites after her divorce. But I'm aware she's bisexual and very open minded. I don't think I'd broach it with others. Obviously my fwb knows about our swinging - he knows the most out of anyone outside us."

As long as you’re happy that’s the main thing! And having a friend outside of the scene who can listen is quite healthy I think

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Wife told her best mate about us . Fast forward a short while and wife was naked on our settee with her best mate snogging her with her fingers deep inside her"

Offt! Sounds like you all enjoyed that

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP can I ask if you planned to make the disclosure or did it just come up in the course of discussion whilst nibbling on your lemon drizzle cake?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Given how awesome you are Sophie, it only makes sense your mum would be an absolute delight!

It’s great that you have that relationship with her! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *un KnightsCouple over a year ago

South West

We lived in an exclusive poly relationship for more than 20 years. The sex is actually a very small aspect to it. It is exactly the same as a couple with all of life's normal stresses and joys but with 3 of you.

You do have a 3rd person for support and sharing the stresses which can be great but it truly only works if all of you are completely in love.

For us it just worked even though it was unplanned and one day we just realised what we had become. We don't think you can go out looking for such a relationship it will find you if you are fortunate enough.

Our family knew and it meant we could share in all of the festivities and social occasions. It would have been horrible to have had to attend them while leaving a huge part of our life alone at home because we had to hide who we were.

Being unable to share with those around you is a difficult thing to deal with. We were lucky and are glad the OP is also fortunate to have such a mum.

We hope we can be the same for our family in the future.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like an excellent name for a Podcast? "

Now there’s an idea. Anyone want to listen to my silly accent on a podcast

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP can I ask if you planned to make the disclosure or did it just come up in the course of discussion whilst nibbling on your lemon drizzle cake?"

Well for one thing, it was strawberry tarts not lemon drizzle cake

The conversation was covering all of my relationships, including the 12 years I spent with my ex. We were talking about how I feel I have the capacity to intimately love more than one person at a time, which she already knew in theory and it just came from there.

My parents already know I’m bisexual, and I didn’t need to “come out” on that. I just brought a girl home because I never even considered it would be an issue at all. So the level of trust was already there.

So no, I didn’t just drop it on her. It was an organic conversation.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Personally I don't feel the need to tell anyone I'm close to about my past.

I think its actually selfish to tell someone you're close to particularly a parent about our kinks.

If they reacted badly then what ? It could damage a loving relationship I don't understand why anyone would take that risk.

No offence intended OP it's just how I see things I'm old skool and proud of that.

It's not selfish to be you, to be yourself.

To be frank I don't think that's the best example. Coming out as gay or a swinger are worlds apart.

Our sexuality isn't a matter of choice being a swinger most definitely is.

Deciding to disclose to family members or close friends you're a swinger, your choice entirely.

However what about the choice of the person(s) you're telling ? They have no choice but to listen wether they agree with it or not.

For that reason it's a selfish act. Discretion is definitely the better part of valour for many in the scene.

For many that may be true, but I already knew academically what my Mum’s reaction would be (and my Dad by extension).

If I thought it would have caused any real friction or turmoil I probably wouldn’t have such a good relationship with my mother.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We lived in an exclusive poly relationship for more than 20 years. The sex is actually a very small aspect to it. It is exactly the same as a couple with all of life's normal stresses and joys but with 3 of you.

You do have a 3rd person for support and sharing the stresses which can be great but it truly only works if all of you are completely in love.

Being unable to share with those around you is a difficult thing to deal with. We were lucky and are glad the OP is also fortunate to have such a mum.

We hope we can be the same for our family in the future. "

So glad you’ve had such a good life experience

It sounds like you’ve had a great deal of love in your life and that’s the main thing! Xxx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My parents know I was on here 5 years ago - my ex husband & his new partner joined (they viewed my single profile & had a face pic on their profile) & she’s the sort to hold it over me. If my parents we’re going to find out then it was going to be from me. I don’t think they realise it’s where I met T & that we’re still on here though....

J x"

I’m glad you were able to take it into your own hands J. It’s much more empowering to be in control of that sort of situation.

So good on you! Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ifeandhubby400Couple over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

Im already a let down to my mum ,hence we havent spoken in 10 years ,doesnt afect me in fact im free from her put downs etc,she would be the last person id tell ,jealous of your lovely mum ..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Im already a let down to my mum ,hence we havent spoken in 10 years ,doesnt afect me in fact im free from her put downs etc,she would be the last person id tell ,jealous of your lovely mum .."

Oh please don’t be jealous! I don’t want that, nor would she want you to be. I’m sending you big hugs and love your way sweetie. Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

I have a brilliant relationship with my mum and our kids who are all adults .I have no doubt if we told them they would be fine with it I just don’t see any reason why we would need to tell them.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *renzMan over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

Well that must have been an interesting experience. It must have been pretty liberating for them I’d imagine.

How’d you feel about it? X"

I didn't have a problem with it. From what I was told the eldest two accepted it, the youngest asked if it meant they would split up, which when reassured it actually brought them closer, he was fine and accepting. I didn't meet all three at the same time, all individually. Conversation was normal, the subject of swinging wasn't brought up, but at the same time it wasn't avoided. I guess the only difference was they all knew I fucked their mum alongside their father. It didn't feel awkward at all.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My family and friends would be horrified if they new what I got up to , it’s so different from my public and professional persona , and there is no way that I would burden them with that knowledge, but f you feel you can share things with your family , then more power to you ! "

As long as you are happy with that situation then that’s all that matters! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have a brilliant relationship with my mum and our kids who are all adults .I have no doubt if we told them they would be fine with it I just don’t see any reason why we would need to tell them."

Which is perfectly fair.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Well that must have been an interesting experience. It must have been pretty liberating for them I’d imagine.

How’d you feel about it? X

That’s amazing! What a refreshing experience. Openness like that is awesome! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/11/20 09:42:16]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"[Clothes removed by poster at 27/11/20 09:42:16]"

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

We have a small number of people not involved in swinging who we talk about it openly with. One in particular thinks it's hilarious and eagerly awaits our latest goings on. What with the pandemic there hasn't been a lot to tell her sadly.

There is a lady I (Luke) used to work with who I tried to chat up. Although I didn't get anywhere, we did open up about our love lives. I told her about swinging and she told me about affairs she has had. She is now interested in coming to a club (BGHS) with us and her current lover. It's not something she has ever done but they are interested in pushing their boundaries a bit.

I don't think either of us would want to have a conversation about swinging with our parents although I think Hannah has told her sister about some of the things we have done.

In general I would say that if we are happy talking about our sex life with somebody, we're likely to be pretty open about the swinging. Only a few people fit into that category though.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"[Clothes removed by poster at 27/11/20 09:42:16]"

Ooooooft

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ichaelangelaCouple over a year ago

notts

Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ifeandhubby400Couple over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

"Im already a let down to my mum ,hence we havent spoken in 10 years ,doesnt afect me in fact im free from her put downs etc,she would be the last person id tell ,jealous of your lovely mum ..

Oh please don’t be jealous! I don’t want that, nor would she want you to be. I’m sending you big hugs and love your way sweetie. Xx"
Thank youx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??"

I don't understand why some people are inclined to reveal every aspect of themselves to everyone they know.

It's not about swinging being taboo.

I also don't get the association between disclosure and openness and the implied insinuation that if you choose to retain some privacy about certain aspects of your life with some of the people in your life, that people are somehow being less honest or authentic

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??

I don't understand why some people are inclined to reveal every aspect of themselves to everyone they know.

It's not about swinging being taboo.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??"

Depends on where you live. There's a Swinger couple in our town and people take the piss out of them. They follow them on the website they are on and the menfolk pass round her pics.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I didn't discuss mine,or our,sex life with my mother or anyone else for that matter,before we started swinging,I see no need to start now.

Saying that,my mother is a very liberal woman,lived through the swinging sixties flower power and free love, and probably wouldn't bat an eyelid

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??

I don't understand why some people are inclined to reveal every aspect of themselves to everyone they know.

It's not about swinging being taboo.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??"

Some families would bat more than an eyelid, unfortunately. In some cases, such a disclosure might get you battered.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??

Some families would bat more than an eyelid, unfortunately. In some cases, such a disclosure might get you battered."

But I still have no idea why the make up of your sex life should be of interest to anyone?

I am rambling now so will step away from the discussion.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Pretty sure my mother has a fair idea, though we never discuss it. It's a bit of a don't ask don't tell situation :P "

What makes you think your mum has a good idea you do this?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *tella HeelsTV/TS over a year ago

west here ford shire

I know you’re mum left fab now..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Pretty sure my mother has a fair idea, though we never discuss it. It's a bit of a don't ask don't tell situation :P "

What makes you think that about your mum?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All my friends and family know aside from my in-laws. Some have seen my profile. There's been no issues they're supportive xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *atandjayCouple over a year ago

Brighton

I think my mum was a swinger

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ear in the chairMan over a year ago

yeah there

We told our Son (once he reached 18). As we both play as a couple and singly and equally do socials the same the last thing we wanted was him seeing one of us out on a 'date' and thinking the worst.

He was very chilled about it and although doesn't want any details (unsurprisingly) his comment was 'just so long as you are both happy'.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??"

Coming out as gay is still quite a shock for some people and is sadly still not accepted as normal.

We've had first hand experience of it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *not123Couple over a year ago

sp1

Wow think I'd give 90%if friends and family a heart attack. I'm a sweet shy goodie 2 shoes to them lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

We have told our best friends who weren't shocked, are fully supportive and have even shown some curiosity into the scene.

We would never divulge to parents or siblings though.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *adMerWoman over a year ago

Sandwich

My 3 adult children know. My sister knows and my 2 closest friends know.

I don’t necessarily go into great detail, but it’s part of who I am. I also avoid them trying to match me up with unsuitables.

It means that I don’t have to make up stories about where I have been or am going.

My mum also knows, she doesn’t approve but we still have the same relationship we did prior to her knowing.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My friends, brother and some colleagues know. I'm very open generally so I have no problem discussing it. My brother is like my best friend and I discovered his kinks (by accident) years ago so now we're really open about everything. My mum doesn't know, but I don't discuss vanilla dating with her either, she'd probably just shake her head and tell me to be careful anyway. If she asked, then I'd happily be honest. Everyone I've told has been curious and supportive, I think hiding it causes more problems than being open.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't understand the taboo of being a swinger and why it's so secretive.

If you were coming out as gay and telling family and friends, hardly anyone would bat an eyelid, so why is swinging classed as being so taboo??

Depends on where you live. There's a Swinger couple in our town and people take the piss out of them. They follow them on the website they are on and the menfolk pass round her pics. "

Still this!!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I told my mum I was a swinger.

She told me to get down from the tree and stop monkeying around.

The end.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *isAdventure69Woman over a year ago

Hampshire

Most of my closish friends knows , so do my siblings and their adult children. Haven’t discussed it with my parents but we’re not close.

It wouldn’t bother me if they found out and I don’t think they’d fuss over it , with 5 children and we’re all been rather wild ...they’re used to our antics ....

Oh and we suspect that our parents have indulged in ffm in the past .

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two close friends of mine know.

Both are majorly supportive and aren't judgemental in the slightest and find it highly entertaining in a good way. One of these friends is my safety person so if I were to go for a social non pandemic she gets all the details and I have to report in. Her texts back when I do are always really amusing and I have to bite my tongue and not laugh.

My mother also knows. But she's also in certain communities and goes to certain events when they are on. Which didn't surprise me at all and I only found out when I told her about me.

I don't have a massively good relationship with her and only been back in contact for a short time after years of not speaking. So I admire your relationship OP and get that it's much nicer being out in the open about it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)