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Boom banga-bang
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Who wants to bang me?
Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.
What you bringing to my table?
Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll chuck one up you Peach...
I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...  
Lu  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit? "
Nah
Just far too damn big  |
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"I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking  "
Fucking will be all weird. I reckon I'd end up trying to give an ear wank or something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking
Fucking will be all weird. I reckon I'd end up trying to give an ear wank or something "
Woof |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything |
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"I'll chuck one up you Peach...
I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...
Lu "
Moi? Chat shite? How very dare you. I'm gonna send you 18 pages of waffle just to prove you wrong! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'll chuck one up you Peach...
I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...
Lu
Moi? Chat shite? How very dare you. I'm gonna send you 18 pages of waffle just to prove you wrong!"
It's only cos I'll join in! |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big "
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it. |
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"Tell you what, I’ll wash if you wash "
Lightweight.
I've got pegs on the washing line. They've only been there all year so they'll disintegrate on touch but I reckon they're worth a shout for nasal protection |
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"I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking
Fucking will be all weird. I reckon I'd end up trying to give an ear wank or something
Woof"
Lord Flashheart? |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it."
Exotic |
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"I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything "
Yaaaaay, 2 buckets, one for pissing, one for puking and won't even need to leave the room! |
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"I'll chuck one up you Peach...
I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...
Lu
Moi? Chat shite? How very dare you. I'm gonna send you 18 pages of waffle just to prove you wrong!
It's only cos I'll join in! "
Jibber jabber |
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"Who wants to bang me?
Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.
What you bringing to my table?
Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.
"
If it means taking one for the time I’m willing to make the sacrifice |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it."
Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof! |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.
Exotic "
I chuckled myself at that |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit? "
Ohhhh you've got a cock i never knew about eh, well throw my name into your hat then Peach  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything
Yaaaaay, 2 buckets, one for pissing, one for puking and won't even need to leave the room!"
That's a plan right there! |
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"Who wants to bang me?
Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.
What you bringing to my table?
Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.
If it means taking one for the time I’m willing to make the sacrifice "
Did I mention I'm going au natural and I'll look like an Ewok? |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.
Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!"
Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.
Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!
Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie."
I love how multipurpose these gifts can be |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Ohhhh you've got a cock i never knew about eh, well throw my name into your hat then Peach "
I'm full of surprising surprises. I pop surprises out my chuff like a gumball machine |
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"Lord no. I like you far too much for that 
This for me too OP "
You is getting a hug, a knuckle head rubby thing and me sat on yer lap like a kitten. A big kitten that really needs to go sit on its own fucking chair, but a kitten nonetheless |
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"I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything
Yaaaaay, 2 buckets, one for pissing, one for puking and won't even need to leave the room!
That's a plan right there! "
Who needs the girl guides to come up with plans of steel eh? |
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"Will you keep that hat on, or you going to use my erect penis as a hatstand ?
"
I was thinking more of a bedhead look. You know, if I'm going the effort of maybe washing my vag, that's more than enough |
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"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.
Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!
Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie.
I love how multipurpose these gifts can be "
And a weapon. Clobber round the noggin of anyone who dares break in |
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"Would we have to wash as well?
Of so does it need to be a full on shower or will a blast of Lynx Africa do?"
Dry shampoo or glitter spray works perfectly fine. Roll on deodorant round the arse crack tho, will catch any remaining nuggets |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?
Course ya can.
My cock is the wrong shape innit?
Nah
Just far too damn big
Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.
Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!
Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie.
I love how multipurpose these gifts can be
And a weapon. Clobber round the noggin of anyone who dares break in "
Oh I've already done that one....  |
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"Yes can offer mediocre sex but I have loads of cat videos on my phone. How does that sound? "
We would spend our time trying to find me a giant German rabbit. I shall name it "Heil Shitler" regardless of its gender. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress
The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier "
Lol and someone else to drink for a date like a chunky cocktail |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress
The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier
Lol and someone else to drink for a date like a chunky cocktail "
Dare not date  |
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"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress
The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier
Lol and someone else to drink for a date like a chunky cocktail "
It'll still have plenty of potency so yeah, just down the end of the garden and they have to stay the fuck outside |
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"By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them  "
I hate to break it to ya Scrum..... I'm actually from the future.... I AM one of your kids.
You owe me 43 birthday presents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue
Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!
Ooo no leave it on... Quite like a tickle pickle
Mr Monopoly Man's gonna be well jel"
Oofftt shhuusshh... bend over.. Just to warn you, you are likely to feel a big bang |
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"By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them
I hate to break it to ya Scrum..... I'm actually from the future.... I AM one of your kids.
You owe me 43 birthday presents."
Stop messing with my head
and ruining my future wanks
 |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Nope not a fucking chance are my man bits going anywhere near your fanjango - that's just one weird fucked up thought too many, even for me who's cornered the market in weird and fucked up at times...it's possibly tantamount to the anagram of a word for a six legged bug and I ain't going there for all the tea in freaking China....if it's me you're holding out for you may as well call the Mother Superior and ask where you sign up now...
...although send me some rude pics of you in the uniform please |
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"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue
Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!
Ooo no leave it on... Quite like a tickle pickle
Mr Monopoly Man's gonna be well jel
Oofftt shhuusshh... bend over.. Just to warn you, you are likely to feel a big bang "
Hiroshima eat your heart out |
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"By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them
I hate to break it to ya Scrum..... I'm actually from the future.... I AM one of your kids.
You owe me 43 birthday presents.
Stop messing with my head
and ruining my future wanks
"
Okay pops, only coz you put me through uni. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Who wants to bang me?
Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.
What you bringing to my table?
Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.
"
I'm sooo showin my Mrs this thread when gets home from work then scare the shite out of her & pretend we won! (She'd b scared cos hasn't yet with a woman no offence ment) |
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"Nope not a fucking chance are my man bits going anywhere near your fanjango - that's just one weird fucked up thought too many, even for me who's cornered the market in weird and fucked up at times...it's possibly tantamount to the anagram of a word for a six legged bug and I ain't going there for all the tea in freaking China....if it's me you're holding out for you may as well call the Mother Superior and ask where you sign up now...
...although send me some rude pics of you in the uniform please "
Pics in my nun lady uniform.
Hmmmmm ... why change the habit of a lifetime? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Nope not a fucking chance are my man bits going anywhere near your fanjango - that's just one weird fucked up thought too many, even for me who's cornered the market in weird and fucked up at times...it's possibly tantamount to the anagram of a word for a six legged bug and I ain't going there for all the tea in freaking China....if it's me you're holding out for you may as well call the Mother Superior and ask where you sign up now...
...although send me some rude pics of you in the uniform please
Pics in my nun lady uniform.
Hmmmmm ... why change the habit of a lifetime? "
Not gonna wimple out then? |
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"Who wants to bang me?
Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.
What you bringing to my table?
Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.
I'm sooo showin my Mrs this thread when gets home from work then scare the shite out of her & pretend we won! (She'd b scared cos hasn't yet with a woman no offence ment) "
Do it! Film her mortified reaction
I'd shit fucking bricks if I came face to face with myself and I've been with women before.
I think I need to work on my suaveness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Who wants to bang me?
Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.
What you bringing to my table?
Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.
I'm sooo showin my Mrs this thread when gets home from work then scare the shite out of her & pretend we won! (She'd b scared cos hasn't yet with a woman no offence ment)
Do it! Film her mortified reaction
I'd shit fucking bricks if I came face to face with myself and I've been with women before.
I think I need to work on my suaveness "
|
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I think I need to work on my suaveness
You need to have some in the first place to be able to work on it
Dunno what you're on about  I'm Hannibal Lecter suave me."
I think you'll find that was Chianti not Suave-ignon |
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"
I think I need to work on my suaveness
You need to have some in the first place to be able to work on it
Dunno what you're on about I'm Hannibal Lecter suave me.
I think you'll find that was Chianti not Suave-ignon "
Dammit.
I need to practice my whine |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'll bring pies to your table. A bag of very nice heels that I'm considering just posting because I've had them for a bit now.
As for sex? Naaaaaah, we'd drive each other potty afterwards. I'd watch you have sex with a couple of my friends though.  |
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"I'll bring pies to your table. A bag of very nice heels that I'm considering just posting because I've had them for a bit now.
As for sex? Naaaaaah, we'd drive each other potty afterwards. I'd watch you have sex with a couple of my friends though. "
Pies 
Heels
Sex with friends
What's not to love about that?! |
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