FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you think emotional affairs and texting are more harmful than physical affairs?
Do you think emotional affairs and texting are more harmful than physical affairs?
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
Definitely, it's what happened to me in my last relationship, it broke me and he couldn't get why, his attitude was 'well I never fucked her"
Honestly wouldn't have hurt as much if he gone and jumped bones with some random one time.
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Yeah same..
One night stand I’d not forgive .. willing to Chuck it in for a one off bunk up.
Affair I’d forgive... it’s more personal. What is the other person lacking and could I fill it in order to bin off the side piece |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would understamd a random ONS with no consequence but an affair where more than just sex is involved, that's a different level and wouldn't waste my time trying to fix anything. |
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"Don’t they go hand in hand? "
I don't think they do for everyone. Lots of people are capable of just having sex with someone although I think if it's regular the risk of emotional involvement is greater though.
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"Yes I do.
I could forgive fucking, because it is just that.
I would struggle to forgive a "love" affair."
Definitely this...fucking is a physical act, with a one night stand generally not being premeditated.
An emotional affair takes time, planning and deceit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think they're pretty equal deceit wise.
Thats why traditional relationships don't work - how can you be the master of another persons emotional attachment to another?
So your partner isn't allowed close friendships or to never desire anyone else physically?
It's not realistic.
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"I’d not be chuffed about either.
No, neither would I but one off sex could be classed as a mistake. Emotional infidelity requires forethought.
Ain't that the truth "
Does it though? People interact all the time in their lives. Attraction is a very powerful thing. Not all are actively looking to be unfaithful, some people just hit it off and are attracted to each other. Some might spend ages trying to fight off the attraction to remain faithful.
Sometimes it’s not forethought.
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What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure. "
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
"
Are things really that different in less traditional relationships? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
Are things really that different in less traditional relationships?"
I'm not sure 
I guess if you swing then you have permission to fuck others - no emotional attachment though tut tut
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
"
That's the thing though I'm bi so that means I could find either gender attractive.
But I agree if you're open about it that's the difference. I've had male friendships stoped just because the female is jealous, but never the other way around. So it just interests me how they are perceived differently |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
That's the thing though I'm bi so that means I could find either gender attractive.
But I agree if you're open about it that's the difference. I've had male friendships stoped just because the female is jealous, but never the other way around. So it just interests me how they are perceived differently"
For me there's a difference between romantic emotions and platonic friendship emotions...I'm more than happy for any partner to have close female (and male) friends, but personally a line is crossed if he has romantic feelings for anyone else |
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"Yes.
My husband’s 2 year long emotional affair was devastating to me. He put her happiness above mine. Very hard to process, understand and forgive.  "
Same as myself but I gave up trying to understand or forgive him. He isnt sorry anyway & will never take responsibility. I couldnt give a toss about him now, he has to live with himself forever. |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
"
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship. |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
That's the thing though I'm bi so that means I could find either gender attractive.
But I agree if you're open about it that's the difference. I've had male friendships stoped just because the female is jealous, but never the other way around. So it just interests me how they are perceived differently
For me there's a difference between romantic emotions and platonic friendship emotions...I'm more than happy for any partner to have close female (and male) friends, but personally a line is crossed if he has romantic feelings for anyone else "
Totally agree it is all to do with intent. Though I personally think a close platonic friendship can often look like an emotional affair. I know mine with my best mate could appear as such but nobody really queries it because we're both female. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd personally would find it much worse ... if a partner was talking and sharing with another, felt they couldn't with me and mostly likely wasn't happy emotionally with me but couldn't talk about it or be honest with me, think I would find that rather devastating to be honest!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship. "
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too. |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship.
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too."
Me and my husband have been together for 27 years and we have never had to set emotional boundaries for each other.I find it very strange if someone has to explain to someone they love what’s right and wrong. |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship.
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too.Me and my husband have been together for 27 years and we have never had to set emotional boundaries for each other.I find it very strange if someone has to explain to someone they love what’s right and wrong."
Everyone sets some kind of boundaries in the early stages of their relationships though surely? Some couples like to swing for example this would be a big no no for others. Some boundaries you push as a couple others you don't. |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship.
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too."
I don't think swingers relationships are any different to others really. There's a lot of jealousy, control, infidelity etc in swinging and good, functional relationships are possible in and out of swinging.
I don't think you can know what your partner shares emotionally with another person unless one of them tells you. I suppose trust that they won't betray or deceive you comes in to it and to a certain extent your own mind set. I can only speak from my own experience and point of view though. For example, Mr N used to work away a lot. It never entered my head that he might be doing stuff he knew I wouldn't like him doing. I knew he flirted with the women in the office, I knew there was one hotel where the female manager would drink with the business men in the evening he's a normal man who likes a bit of female company.
I suppose in a functional relationship you aren't setting emotional boundaries for someone else, you're mutually setting them for your relationship. That's not controlling, that's negotiating the terms of your life together. There can't in my opinion be many relationships where there are absolutely no boundaries at all.
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"A guy popping his willy in is classed as a "mistake" ?? thats original  "
"sorry love, I tripped with my trousers round my ankles"
I think it's more the one off, heat of the moment fuck that's referred to as a mistake though. |
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"A guy popping his willy in is classed as a "mistake" ?? thats original
"sorry love, I tripped with my trousers round my ankles"
I think it's more the one off, heat of the moment fuck that's referred to as a mistake though."
Hey I believe you ....thousands wouldnt LOL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure. "
If I were to put it this way, what then would you say?
Do you send her sexy pictures of yourself?
Do your play over the time you've spent together?
Do you check her messages first thing in the morning? last thing at night?
Do you try to not show your husband that you're thinking about being with her instead of enjoying it with the family?
Etc
Etc
Etc |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
If I were to put it this way, what then would you say?
Do you send her sexy pictures of yourself?
Do your play over the time you've spent together?
Do you check her messages first thing in the morning? last thing at night?
Do you try to not show your husband that you're thinking about being with her instead of enjoying it with the family?
Etc
Etc
Etc"
Not sexy pictures but definitely ones where I've dressed up to ask her opinion if I look good. But atually was thinking about sending her my avatar because I like the picture and I'm proud of it. Hell yeah I replay the time we spent together, as I do all my friends. I love my mates some I've known since primary school. I reply to her as soon as I can she does me. So yeah I'm emotionally attached to her and that will never ever change. But I'm not sexually attracted to her never have been. The only bit I don't do is hide it from M. So that's the thing there is cross over between an emotional affair and a platonic friendship. It all boils down to trust |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship.
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too.Me and my husband have been together for 27 years and we have never had to set emotional boundaries for each other.I find it very strange if someone has to explain to someone they love what’s right and wrong.
Everyone sets some kind of boundaries in the early stages of their relationships though surely? Some couples like to swing for example this would be a big no no for others. Some boundaries you push as a couple others you don't. "
We are childhood sweethearts and I probably never knew what boundaries meant when we both got together  but no we definitely didn’t set boundaries .We set boundaries as in what we do together as a couple in terms of swinging later on in life to make sure we are both on same page and are both comfortable.
If I had to ever set emotional boundaries then I would seriously have to take a good long look at my marriage If I had to explain to someone who I loved and who loved me what is right and wrong in that type of situation then something obviously isn’t right..
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship.
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too.Me and my husband have been together for 27 years and we have never had to set emotional boundaries for each other.I find it very strange if someone has to explain to someone they love what’s right and wrong.
Everyone sets some kind of boundaries in the early stages of their relationships though surely? Some couples like to swing for example this would be a big no no for others. Some boundaries you push as a couple others you don't. We are childhood sweethearts and I probably never knew what boundaries meant when we both got together but no we definitely didn’t set boundaries .We set boundaries as in what we do together as a couple in terms of swinging later on in life to make sure we are both on same page and are both comfortable.
If I had to ever set emotional boundaries then I would seriously have to take a good long look at my marriage If I had to explain to someone who I loved and who loved me what is right and wrong in that type of situation then something obviously isn’t right..
"
I don't think of it as explaining what's wrong and right, more talking about what's acceptable to both of you. We didn't sit down and write a list of emotional rules but we do have ongoing discussions and the very occasional "big talk" from which boundaries naturally develop. It could be that we're unusual in that respect but I just thought it was quite normal. |
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"What's the definition of an emotional affair though? If there's no physical interaction, how does it differ to your best friend? I speak to one of my best mates most days tell her I love her and we rely on each other for emotional support. We have a deep bond that is for sure.
In most peoples opinions it differs when it's the opposite sex.
Traditional relationships encourage lies and deceit.
You have to pretend that you don't have deep emotional attachments to anyone else and that you want to remain faithful.
I'm sure there are the exceptions.
You don't have to pretend anything unless you're in a controlling relationship. As far as I'm concerned my partner can have as many friends of any gender as he likes. I would draw the line at cosy tete a tetes, quiet nights in cosied up on the sofa with snacks and a movie, sharing confidences that knowingly and deliberately excluded or deceived me. There's a massive difference between an affair and a friendship.
I agree - but as a swinger your relationship doesn't fall into the same kind of relationships I mean.
I have no idea how a functional relationship works because I'm terrible at them
But how do you know what your partner shares emotionally with another?
I know the right answer is that it boils down to trust - but I think it's difficult to set emotional boundaries for someone else.
That is controlling too.Me and my husband have been together for 27 years and we have never had to set emotional boundaries for each other.I find it very strange if someone has to explain to someone they love what’s right and wrong.
Everyone sets some kind of boundaries in the early stages of their relationships though surely? Some couples like to swing for example this would be a big no no for others. Some boundaries you push as a couple others you don't. We are childhood sweethearts and I probably never knew what boundaries meant when we both got together but no we definitely didn’t set boundaries .We set boundaries as in what we do together as a couple in terms of swinging later on in life to make sure we are both on same page and are both comfortable.
If I had to ever set emotional boundaries then I would seriously have to take a good long look at my marriage If I had to explain to someone who I loved and who loved me what is right and wrong in that type of situation then something obviously isn’t right..
I don't think of it as explaining what's wrong and right, more talking about what's acceptable to both of you. We didn't sit down and write a list of emotional rules but we do have ongoing discussions and the very occasional "big talk" from which boundaries naturally develop. It could be that we're unusual in that respect but I just thought it was quite normal. "
I don’t think your unusual or we are normal every marriage is different and the way people deal with things is different there is no right or wrong in how others do things within there marriage. |
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