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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What a shit show of a year. Lost a lovely friend of mine to cancer this morning on top of all the other crap going on at the min. Sooooo cheer me up? Let’s hear your best rubbish cheesy silly jokes the “punnier” the better I need a giggle.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am so sorry for your loss 
Nothing I can say will make it better but if I can make you smile then that's ok.
Ok, I can't guarantee you will smile but here goes;
What is brown and sticky?
A stick
Sorry 
Sending you love regardless |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am so sorry for your loss
Nothing I can say will make it better but if I can make you smile then that's ok.
Ok, I can't guarantee you will smile but here goes;
What is brown and sticky?
A stick
Sorry
Sending you love regardless "
Thank you I’ll take the even if the joke was pants. Xx |
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It’s been a crappy year for a lot of folks.
The good news is that it’ll be January soon and you’ll have a New Years resolution to spectacularly win or fail at!
So....
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you know ants can't get Coronavirus?
Because they have tiny little anty bodies! "
Did you know how to tell the sex of an ant?
If you put it in water and it sinks it’s a girl ant
And if you put it in water and it floats...
It’s buoyant  |
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Butcher is working in his shop one day when a duck waddles in, jumps on the counter and says... “got any bread?”... Stunned, the butcher replied that it’s not a bakery so no he hasn’t... the duck quacks in annoyance and leaves...
The next day the duck waddles in again... “got any bread?”.... “sorry, like I said yesterday, this isn’t a bakery so no” replies the Butcher.... With an angry flap and loud squawk the duck waddles off again...
This repeats every day for a week, ther getting more frustrated and angry as the duck gets more insistent until finally he snaps.... “LOOK!... I haven’t got any fucking bread... ask again and I’ll nail your feet to the counter and use you as a display!....”.... the duck quacks and waddles off...
The next day, things seem quieter and no sign of the duck.... until just before closing time, in it comes... up onto the counter and asks...
“Got a hammer?”.... “umm no?...” replies the butcher, confused....
“In that case.... Got any bread?”..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Butcher is working in his shop one day when a duck waddles in, jumps on the counter and says... “got any bread?”... Stunned, the butcher replied that it’s not a bakery so no he hasn’t... the duck quacks in annoyance and leaves...
The next day the duck waddles in again... “got any bread?”.... “sorry, like I said yesterday, this isn’t a bakery so no” replies the Butcher.... With an angry flap and loud squawk the duck waddles off again...
This repeats every day for a week, ther getting more frustrated and angry as the duck gets more insistent until finally he snaps.... “LOOK!... I haven’t got any fucking bread... ask again and I’ll nail your feet to the counter and use you as a display!....”.... the duck quacks and waddles off...
The next day, things seem quieter and no sign of the duck.... until just before closing time, in it comes... up onto the counter and asks...
“Got a hammer?”.... “umm no?...” replies the butcher, confused....
“In that case.... Got any bread?”....."
That made me laugh out loud. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch."
Didn’t I tell you this one??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Didn’t I tell you this one???"
No but I bet you wished you had ;-0;-) lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I bet the guy who designed thongs is a bit up his own ass.
I have mixed race parents. My Dad prefers the 100 metres, my Mum the 1500.
I was raised by my Dad. My Mum left before I was born.
I liked being raised by my Dad. He's schizophrenic, but he's good people.
He used to take me to the park and I remember thinking "why does a frisbee appear larger the closest it gets?" And then it hit me.
My Dad took me fishing once. I remember swimming back to shore thinking "my Dad doesn't like me very much"
When I was 9 I felt insecure and thought I was adopted. I sat my parents down and asked them if I was. My Dad said "Ohi ching shay wang ho"
Hope this has helped
Cindi x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I bet the guy who designed thongs is a bit up his own ass.
I have mixed race parents. My Dad prefers the 100 metres, my Mum the 1500.
I was raised by my Dad. My Mum left before I was born.
I liked being raised by my Dad. He's schizophrenic, but he's good people.
He used to take me to the park and I remember thinking "why does a frisbee appear larger the closest it gets?" And then it hit me.
My Dad took me fishing once. I remember swimming back to shore thinking "my Dad doesn't like me very much"
When I was 9 I felt insecure and thought I was adopted. I sat my parents down and asked them if I was. My Dad said "Ohi ching shay wang ho"
Hope this has helped
Cindi x
"
If you need more let me know, I've spent a lifetime watching stand up comedians do one liners and have a memory full of this stuff lol
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