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Where HasAll The Love Gone?
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Hello everyone - and hugs to all of you!
Maybe it’s just me - maybe this bloody awful year of isolation from friends and loved ones has finally gotten to ‘so fecking happy it’s annoying’ me!
However - in the past few weeks particularly - I’m noticing that all the love and support - the ‘we’re all in this together’ has turned to shit!
Today a thread celebrating muscles/athleticism turned into a bitch fest - shouldn’t we be celebrating those who’ve used the crappiest year ever to change their bodies in a positive and healthy way?
I’m still trying to get rid of the lockdown lard from lockdown mk 1 - but certainly don’t begrudge those with more determination and willpower.
The virus threads also seem to be vitriolic - and often a thread which is started in the name of innocent fun becomes full of bitterness and argument.
Right now my world consists of a chronically ill mum and two teenagers - one of whom has mental health issues and occasionally decides she doesn’t want to live any more.
Other than that - it’s you lot!
On December 2nd - if lockdown doesn’t end - like hundreds of thousands of others in retail and hospitality I’ll be scared shitless that I’ll lose my job and be unable to support my kids!
I know I’m lucky - thousands of fabbers are currently living alone and only see others in a supermarket etc.
So - I’m asking - actually no - I’m BEGGING you - can we all please try to be kind again like we were in the beginning? Can we give virtual hugs instead of criticism, judgement and condemnation?
Sending free hugs to all who need one.
Peachy   |
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Dont know where youve been looking but every other thread seems to be say something nice to someone if anything the forums are a little to fluffy. I went in the virus forum once and that was it i dont need that doom and gloom in my life quite easy to avoid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hello everyone - and hugs to all of you!
Maybe it’s just me - maybe this bloody awful year of isolation from friends and loved ones has finally gotten to ‘so fecking happy it’s annoying’ me!
However - in the past few weeks particularly - I’m noticing that all the love and support - the ‘we’re all in this together’ has turned to shit!
Today a thread celebrating muscles/athleticism turned into a bitch fest - shouldn’t we be celebrating those who’ve used the crappiest year ever to change their bodies in a positive and healthy way?
I’m still trying to get rid of the lockdown lard from lockdown mk 1 - but certainly don’t begrudge those with more determination and willpower.
The virus threads also seem to be vitriolic - and often a thread which is started in the name of innocent fun becomes full of bitterness and argument.
Right now my world consists of a chronically ill mum and two teenagers - one of whom has mental health issues and occasionally decides she doesn’t want to live any more.
Other than that - it’s you lot!
On December 2nd - if lockdown doesn’t end - like hundreds of thousands of others in retail and hospitality I’ll be scared shitless that I’ll lose my job and be unable to support my kids!
I know I’m lucky - thousands of fabbers are currently living alone and only see others in a supermarket etc.
So - I’m asking - actually no - I’m BEGGING you - can we all please try to be kind again like we were in the beginning? Can we give virtual hugs instead of criticism, judgement and condemnation?
Sending free hugs to all who need one.
Peachy "
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While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them. |
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"While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them. "
100% agree with this very well put |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them. "
I don’t think Peachy is saying be nice without question, you’re absolutely right in what you say, but she is saying there is no need to be bitchy, and effectively you’re saying the same thing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like threads with good debates in them.
Unfortunately some are immediately interpreted a certain way and the OP gets vilified and then the thread turns nasty and gets closed.
I’m not a fan of the fluffy clouds and rainbows threads, they come across as false to me.
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I agree with Lilly but I understand where you’re coming from Peachy.
I would say that if you’re expecting the Virus forum to change then you’re asking too much. It’s been tetchy since it started, and you can understand why. Folk were scared and now they’re feeling hemmed in, frustrated and scared and it’s just overspilling.
The rest of the forum? I think it’s a mix depending on the time of day. Daytime is more laid back and evening tends to get a bit angsty. Maybe because folk are home alone with too much time to think and worry.
Try and stay on the positive threads. There are some out there (honest!) and it will blow over. The trouble now is that EVERYONE is worried in some way about what Christmas will bring (financially, family wise etc) so it may get worse before it gets better.
I’m not excusing the grumpy threads, but I can see why they’re happening. |
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"Hello everyone - and hugs to all of you!
Maybe it’s just me - maybe this bloody awful year of isolation from friends and loved ones has finally gotten to ‘so fecking happy it’s annoying’ me!
However - in the past few weeks particularly - I’m noticing that all the love and support - the ‘we’re all in this together’ has turned to shit!
Today a thread celebrating muscles/athleticism turned into a bitch fest - shouldn’t we be celebrating those who’ve used the crappiest year ever to change their bodies in a positive and healthy way?
I’m still trying to get rid of the lockdown lard from lockdown mk 1 - but certainly don’t begrudge those with more determination and willpower.
The virus threads also seem to be vitriolic - and often a thread which is started in the name of innocent fun becomes full of bitterness and argument.
Right now my world consists of a chronically ill mum and two teenagers - one of whom has mental health issues and occasionally decides she doesn’t want to live any more.
Other than that - it’s you lot!
On December 2nd - if lockdown doesn’t end - like hundreds of thousands of others in retail and hospitality I’ll be scared shitless that I’ll lose my job and be unable to support my kids!
I know I’m lucky - thousands of fabbers are currently living alone and only see others in a supermarket etc.
So - I’m asking - actually no - I’m BEGGING you - can we all please try to be kind again like we were in the beginning? Can we give virtual hugs instead of criticism, judgement and condemnation?
Sending free hugs to all who need one.
Peachy "
I just read that thread and I couldn't agree more. Some deeply unpleasant people on here at times.
Hope the rest of the year improves for you OP. Big love from us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well said lovely.
The reality is that none of us know what others are dealing with. We should all be a little more mindful of that. Not just because of lockdown but always.
However it's also important to know that it's perfectly acceptable to say you're having a shitty time too. Hopefully people will rally round with kindness and support as best they can.
I hope things get easier for you Peachy and indeed anyone else.
Xx |
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By *igmaMan
over a year ago
Yorkshire |
Having had a few spells here as a regular reader/poster over different time lines. I can definitely say this is the dreariest time I’ve seen this place. Even way back - when massive bust-ups happened regularly. Don’t think it has to be all lovey dovey... but seriously. Lighten up!  |
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"While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them. "
I’m with you on gritty debate and I’ve never held back on giving my opinions.
I’m not suggesting we’re all loved up 100% of the time - I just feel there’s a lot of unnecessary unpleasantness happening on a lot of threads lately.
I find the ‘let’s all agree with each other’ threads dull too - and value healthy debate. Maybe the fact I’m not as happy as usual myself is colouring my view of forum debates. I just seem to be seeing more unpleasantness than there was in the last lockdown. |
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"I agree with Lilly but I understand where you’re coming from Peachy.
I would say that if you’re expecting the Virus forum to change then you’re asking too much. It’s been tetchy since it started, and you can understand why. Folk were scared and now they’re feeling hemmed in, frustrated and scared and it’s just overspilling.
The rest of the forum? I think it’s a mix depending on the time of day. Daytime is more laid back and evening tends to get a bit angsty. Maybe because folk are home alone with too much time to think and worry.
Try and stay on the positive threads. There are some out there (honest!) and it will blow over. The trouble now is that EVERYONE is worried in some way about what Christmas will bring (financially, family wise etc) so it may get worse before it gets better.
I’m not excusing the grumpy threads, but I can see why they’re happening."
I guess so. I like healthy debate - it’s the only exercise my brain cells get these days - it’s when they get personal and unpleasant that it makes me sad.
So many people are having the crappest time ever - many far worse than I am (actually I take that back - the pup is humping his stuffed rabbit and reminding me that his sex life is better than mine - and he’s also just farted the fart of doom!  ) - that - whilst engaging in healthy debate and being unafraid to voice different opinions - we should also be there for each other as a community!
Does that make any sense? Or am I just waffling again? Xx |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them. "
Eloquently put and spot on
Part of the problem is people do seem to be seeing offence where none is intended or even meant - a different opinion is seen as an attack and so things escalate etc.
I'm not going to "be nice" for the sake of it, that would be incredibly false and fake - by the same chalm though I'm not going to be deliberately "not nice" - but I will offer an opinion or a view where one is called for, not to provoke or because there's an agenda, but because it's my view or opinion on any given subject - if you don't like that view by all means challenge me directly about it, but do so in a reasoned and adult way. |
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"I like threads with good debates in them.
Unfortunately some are immediately interpreted a certain way and the OP gets vilified and then the thread turns nasty and gets closed.
I’m not a fan of the fluffy clouds and rainbows threads, they come across as false to me.
"
I agree on the fluffy threads - though I think there’s a place for them - the forums shouldn’t be engulfed by them - but it’s the turning nasty bit that makes me sadder as this bloody bloody tedious year drags on for all of us. X |
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I think when you look at some threads (such as body shape ones) where people come on and comment for no other reason than to insult or make sweeping generalisations. there's absolutely no need for that.
debate is quiet a different thing and can be good fun. In fact the place would be dull without it. |
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"While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them.
I don’t think Peachy is saying be nice without question, you’re absolutely right in what you say, but she is saying there is no need to be bitchy, and effectively you’re saying the same thing.
"
This absolutely!
I’m not asking for vomit inducing rainbows and unicorns all over the place - just that people try to put their point across without being deliberately unpleasant.
Now more than ever - none of us have a clue what’s going on with the person behind the user name. |
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"While it's an admirable sentiment, but not one that I'm fully on board with I'm afraid. I've said this before (and was shot down in flames for it), but I just don't think it's achievable - a more realistic approach is to just not be purposefully unkind. Nobody is "nice" 100% of the time.
There is a vary varied mix of people on here, and there will always be differing opinions - as long as those opinions are voiced calmly and without malice then I say let people have their debates. The mods are there to keep things within site rules. And as is oft quoted, we all have the ability to ignore threads that we don't like.
I honestly feel that all the "enforced" niceness on here recently has made it very insipid, and there have been quite a few posts recently echoing that - some people, myself included, enjoy a healthy debate. Is it right to deny them that bit of escapism because others don't see it as "being nice"?
Surely there's enough room on here for both "nice and fluffy" and "more gritty debate" type threads, and plenty of scope for people to pass by what doesn't suit them.
I don’t think Peachy is saying be nice without question, you’re absolutely right in what you say, but she is saying there is no need to be bitchy, and effectively you’re saying the same thing.
This absolutely!
I’m not asking for vomit inducing rainbows and unicorns all over the place - just that people try to put their point across without being deliberately unpleasant.
Now more than ever - none of us have a clue what’s going on with the person behind the user name. "
Yep, no one can ever know, on a public forum, mental health problems are absolutely rife and left un addressed over this whole period, undiagnosed health problems are our biggest problems right now sadly... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think when you look at some threads (such as body shape ones) where people come on and comment for no other reason than to insult or make sweeping generalisations. there's absolutely no need for that.
debate is quiet a different thing and can be good fun. In fact the place would be dull without it. "
This! 100% I’m all for the debate threads although recently I’ve noticed some people commenting on them are just rude and insulting no need at all |
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I think attempts to turn nastiness around have been derided repeatedly (rather than just "don't post on threads you don't like"), and so those who've tried to help with the background noise have stopped bothering.
Background nastiness always exists, it's inevitable. It's just more overt at the moment than usual. Similarly, offensiveness always exists, and discussing that might be better than leaving it simmer in the background, hurting some people and leaving others to spew their stuff claiming that no one has a problem with it. If it makes offensive people take a step back and consider the effect of their words, I consider that a bonus). |
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