FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Misconceptions
Misconceptions
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What about you, Frida?
Mrs TMN x | |||
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"Agree with Turkish delight, That we swing because our relationship is lacking or that we are cheating on eachother.. I would say the opposite, swinging makes it stronger(at least for us. )
X"This, we swing as a couple and as singles and as a single I get told by the stupid that they can give me what he obviously cant! I dont ever recall saying he couldn't. Both sexes have assumed our relationship has issues, he's cheating and I'm just looking for all the cock I can get.....well who the fuck knew???? | |||
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"So been pondering this over the last week or so. If you're confident in your looks, your up yourself and self absorbed. If you're larger you don't know what foods you should eat and obviously eat loads of chocolate. If you're determined in work you're a battle axe willing to step over everyone in your path. What are the common misconceptions people make of you? And which ones are your pet peeves? " that all single men on fab are arseholes and not even worth the time of day | |||
"That I’m outgoing. I’m not, I’m very, very, very shy." Same misconception with me. | |||
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So many and it's adorable. | |||
"I think we all make those snap judgements - but on here it can be even harder to see people in the round as we often choose to only show what we want others to see. For me, people who think because I enjoy a good navel gazing thread or think feminism is important I can't possibly also laugh at fart jokes and enjoy being treated like a piece of meat (by the right person in the right circumstances!) are mistaken
What about you, Frida?
Mrs TMN x"Definitely have the same ones as you Mrs TMN, my main ones on here are that I must lack common sense as I went to university. | |||
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"Having slept on it there are so many different ways people misconcept others. Is it because we see that people should be similar to us and want to point out their differences in a bad way? And is it done as they lack confidence in their own life choices?" I think both of those are possible reasons. First being the Pygmalion project of wanting to turn everyone into our ideal image, Second, projection of things we dislike about ourselves onto others. Third it could be we are misconceived because we are unaware of some, most or all of the shadow aspects of our personalities and blind or partially blind to how we might be seen by others. And fourth it could be that we have similar characteristics to someone from their past, who they are transferring onto us because of certain similarities and assuming we are the same. Or it could be something else I haven’t considered. | |||
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"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us?" I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Do you mean that we might misconceive someone’s view of us as a misconception? Or do you mean we have misconceived what they mean by what we think is their misconception? | |||
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"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us?" Could be although I go by what people actually say to me and the questions they ask | |||
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"That I'm up my own arse, really standoffish and always grumpy...but that's so far from the truth.. Its just I only smile when I have reason to. " You are so laid back, have a gorgeous smile and just totally lovely!! xx | |||
"I was once called a gobby left-wing Bolshevik feminist by a colleague who didn't like the way I questioned his decisions. One of my proudest moments! " Way to go!!!! | |||
"That I'm up my own arse, really standoffish and always grumpy...but that's so far from the truth.. Its just I only smile when I have reason to. You are so laid back, have a gorgeous smile and just totally lovely!! xx " You're only saying that because you want me in your bed again  | |||
"Misconceptions abound but three we are aware of that crop up often are: 1) Because my husband is Bisexual that he must be promiscuous and is likely to jump on any male in his presence (he’s a fussy sod so it’s unlikely and he hasn’t had any guy on guy fun since we got together 17 years ago) 2) Because my husband is Bisexual that we are a cuckold couple and therefore must be looking for a dominant bull. 3) Because we aren’t meeting and don’t do webcam stuff that we aren’t a genuine couple. " I forgot the bi thing, so many women seem to think that I will automatically want to to touch them etc, as I’m bi, but I make it clear on the profile and tell them in messages that I only touch if it’s wanted, otherwise I’m happy not to touch at all. Why do people assume that bi people are predatory, promiscuous, attracted to anyone, or unable to control their urges? It’s laughable but at times can be offensive xx | |||
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"That I'm up my own arse, really standoffish and always grumpy...but that's so far from the truth.. Its just I only smile when I have reason to. You are so laid back, have a gorgeous smile and just totally lovely!! xx You're only saying that because you want me in your bed again "Haha, you know I do, but I’m saying it because it’s true!! You’re a babe and a really lovely person- whether in my bed or not, haha xx | |||
"That I'm up my own arse, really standoffish and always grumpy...but that's so far from the truth.. Its just I only smile when I have reason to. You are so laid back, have a gorgeous smile and just totally lovely!! xx You're only saying that because you want me in your bed again
Haha, you know I do, but I’m saying it because it’s true!! You’re a babe and a really lovely person- whether in my bed or not, haha xx"Mwahhh Mwahhh beautiful you are. X | |||
"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us? Could be although I go by what people actually say to me and the questions they ask " I think that's what I meant...how do people actually know what misconceptions others have of them? | |||
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 .We swing as there’s something missing in our relationship. | |||
"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us? Could be although I go by what people actually say to me and the questions they ask I think that's what I meant...how do people actually know what misconceptions others have of them?" People have actually called me "posh totty" and asked if I live in a big house or said things like "it's ok for you, you don't have to worry about money". It's surprising to me that even after I tell them these things aren't so, they continue to believe them. I expect I'm guilty of the same though. | |||
That because I’m on here means I’m desperate for sex | |||
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"That because we have a Dom/sub relationship I must be a doormat and that I must be into bondage, extreme pain and humiliation, and that we will expect women we meet to want to be used in some way- we don’t, we are respectful of boundaries, love sensual and I am not into extreme anything. Again as I’m a sub I will be submissive to others, nope! I have only ever been sub to him, in past relationships/meets, I was the dominant one. I don’t have deep underlying abuse issues, I don’t feel the need to be a submissive, I am who I am with him because I choose to be. That I must have an issue with him meeting on his own, I don’t, I have an issue when people are disrespectful to me and our relationship. That it’s acceptable to send me messages insulting my physique, calling me fat etc, insulting my looks, and I’ll either just take it or be upset about it- nope, wrong again- I find it amusing that strangers think it’s ok to be offensive, and just see they must have issues of their own, if they think being slimmer etc justifies messaging a stranger just to insult them. It’s not like I don’t own a mirror, scales and can’t see that I’m not exactly slim and definitely not toned. Then on the flip side there are the messages from women we’ve contacted as we like their profiles, saying I must be so confident because of my images, of course I’m not, I have body issues just like anyone else. I really don’t like the people who have made beautiful women feel so crap about themselves that they compare themselves to others, and find themselves lacking in some way. I just tell them the truth, breathing in and clever angles is the key. I’m probably more chubby than curvy now, but so what! That I am addicted to shoes...ok, I admit it, that’s not a misconception, I’m totally addicted, haha xx Ignore misconceptions, as that’s exactly what they are, they don’t know you, they don’t live your life or know how you feel about things, so are people who judge really worth worrying about? Only if you let them in to affect you directly! Hugs to you all x Viv x "  | |||
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"To be honest I don't really know. I have recieved positive and negative comments from strangers that don't count as a misconception because they don't know me. I dont think my friends have misconceptions about me because they know who I am. Maybe they just don't tell me what they really think "I said you had cute teeth, I don’t know if that’s a misconception | |||
"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us? Could be although I go by what people actually say to me and the questions they ask I think that's what I meant...how do people actually know what misconceptions others have of them?" My most common one in work, is I thought you were a bitch but actually you're nice. And it's because when I'm in work I have my head down and getting on with it, but if someone needs help I will. It just normally takes a while for them to figure that out. | |||
"To be honest I don't really know. I have recieved positive and negative comments from strangers that don't count as a misconception because they don't know me. I dont think my friends have misconceptions about me because they know who I am. Maybe they just don't tell me what they really think
I said you had cute teeth, I don’t know if that’s a misconception" that's you're truth Mr Jeans - I accept the compliment | |||
"Misconceptions about me? *That my ethnicity means I'm some taboo magical sex goddess who some how has different sexual organs and abilities to other women. *Being on fab means i should be accessible to anyone for the asking *my face means im not happy Misconsceptions i have about others? *That theres something wrong with ppl who enjoy the more degrading aspects of sex *their grass is greener than mine *any other nonsense my anxiety tells me. "Love this comment, because yeah sometimes my own head will make up shit because I'm feeling anxious about something. | |||
"I’m going to add in another reason for misconceptions. On the whole we base our theories about people and the world around us on woefully inadequate information and form assumptions and beliefs about them. We then infer stuff based on experiences, stories and myths about them. On the whole we don’t question those assumptions and blindly assume they are facts. When they are nothing of the sort, they are simply rather opaque lenses, based on our beliefs and values, that obsure our ability to see reality clearly. So often our reality is more of less of an illusion depending on how closely our assumptions enable us to map the territory." Doc I'm loving your input but I need time to digest them | |||
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"Misconceptions about me? *That my ethnicity means I'm some taboo magical sex goddess who some how has different sexual organs and abilities to other women. *Being on fab means i should be accessible to anyone for the asking *my face means im not happy Misconsceptions i have about others? *That theres something wrong with ppl who enjoy the more degrading aspects of sex *their grass is greener than mine *any other nonsense my anxiety tells me.
Love this comment, because yeah sometimes my own head will make up shit because I'm feeling anxious about something. "Same. | |||
"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us? Could be although I go by what people actually say to me and the questions they ask I think that's what I meant...how do people actually know what misconceptions others have of them?" I think that *can* come down to mistakenly seeing a differing opinion as an attack or a snide dig when *all* it is is a different opinion, nothing more, nothing less - happens all the time here and gives rise to a different kind of misconception again. Personally I really don't trouble myself with what people that don't actually know me think of me, certainly not strangers on the internet, the ones that matter are the ones that matter. Any firm opinions I've formed of others here are based on knowledge of them in some respect, more often than not based on things they themselves have imparted, either directly through messages or indirectly through longstanding forum interaction, just as I expect others with firm opinions of me would form theirs. | |||
"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us?" I totally get this... and I’m sure it factors in to some misconceptions. I watched a great TED talk on this the other day... half of the time it’s because we think the issue is about us when it’s not (they mustn’t like me, when they’re just busy etc) and half the time it’s because it IS our issue...an insecurity or fear. | |||
That because I'm a wheelchair mum with a small child, I automatically need someone to talk down to me or that it's unsafe to be in sole charge of my daughter
That when people see me sat in the car in the Blue Badge bay, that they need to abuse me because I look too young to be disabled (!) They shut up when the chair comes out
That I'm a bolshy old bat
That I'm completely indestructible and able to cope 100% with everything that's thrown at me
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"Is it possible that some of us actually have misconceptions in regards to the misconceptions others have of us?" Yes. | |||
"We all spend too much time thinking about ourselves and starting every sentence with I or me in front of it. Most people aren't thinking about you at all - they're all to busy thinking about themselves - just like you are "I know, that’s the hilarious bit, no one really gives a shit about anyone else cause they’re thinking, he thinks I’m an asshole, but that person is thinking what’s he saying about me, bet he says I’m an asshole. I do think about your teeth more than I should though! | |||
"If people have an opinion about me it's not a misconception, it's what they think and I can't argue with that. They are allowed their own thoughts. " An interesting thought and ties in with what I was saying about not being overly bothered by what people that don't matter think of me, especially those that don't know me. I'd disagree though that an opinion can't be a misconception - though I get what you're saying, but when an opinion is formed based on very little knowledge or fact about something it can (not always of course) completely be a misconception - doesn't make it any less of an opinion but it does leave that opinion open to question. | |||
"If people have an opinion about me it's not a misconception, it's what they think and I can't argue with that. They are allowed their own thoughts. " I was alluding at ones people make without thinking so their un concious biases where they make general sweeping statements without basis to their statements | |||
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"If people have an opinion about me it's not a misconception, it's what they think and I can't argue with that. They are allowed their own thoughts. I was alluding at ones people make without thinking so their un concious biases where they make general sweeping statements without basis to their statements " A lot of un conscious bias comes from a variety of sources. Previous life experience, upbringing, media misinformation, lack of education, Chinese whispers etc. Or just plain laziness. It's often much easier for people to generalise and make assumptions or form opinions based on the easy route of taking things at first glance than for them to do any research or put any effort into forming an educated decision. Misconceptions aren't always accidental. For some it's just the easiest route to take. A | |||
How do you get that sort of feedback? simply ask them what you think about me? | |||
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"I’m going to add in another reason for misconceptions. On the whole we base our theories about people and the world around us on woefully inadequate information and form assumptions and beliefs about them. We then infer stuff based on experiences, stories and myths about them. On the whole we don’t question those assumptions and blindly assume they are facts. When they are nothing of the sort, they are simply rather opaque lenses, based on our beliefs and values, that obsure our ability to see reality clearly. So often our reality is more of less of an illusion depending on how closely our assumptions enable us to map the territory. Doc I'm loving your input but I need time to digest them "it is not a misconception to think my posts are indigestible | |||
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"If people have an opinion about me it's not a misconception, it's what they think and I can't argue with that. They are allowed their own thoughts. An interesting thought and ties in with what I was saying about not being overly bothered by what people that don't matter think of me, especially those that don't know me. I'd disagree though that an opinion can't be a misconception - though I get what you're saying, but when an opinion is formed based on very little knowledge or fact about something it can (not always of course) completely be a misconception - doesn't make it any less of an opinion but it does leave that opinion open to question." I agree their opinion can be a misconception. I think I mean they are entitled to their opinion even if it's wrong. Or... is it wrong... I think very few people know *every* aspect of someone's personality or life. So no matter what their opinion is of that person, surely it's always going to be 'wrong' because they don't have the whole picture. | |||
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"If people have an opinion about me it's not a misconception, it's what they think and I can't argue with that. They are allowed their own thoughts. I was alluding at ones people make without thinking so their un concious biases where they make general sweeping statements without basis to their statements " I can't think of any specific to me. All the usual ones about women/ old people being crap at certain things are true about me and not misconceptions.  | |||
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"I dislike people making comments and assumptions about me, for example I was doing a power walk a few days ago and a dog walker (nice chap actually) stopped to say "Oh you will lose that bit of weight" 1. To me it is irritating that anybody should assume I do something for a particular reason like weightloss) when I am doing it for my health and fitness. 2. More fundamentally, why do people feel the need to comment on what I am doing or what I look like in the first place? Maybe I was having a grumpy day "No you weren’t, that was unbelievably rude of him. | |||
