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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I phoned my girlfriend up the other day to say that things havnt been good between us for the last couple of months and that it was over between us. I said I would still (genuinely) still like to be her friend. She then tells me she has been seeing another man for the last two months which was when started to go wring and she is head over heels in love with him. She had cheated on him already with me as we have had sex quite a few times lately. I had hoped things would get better and we'd get through it. My question is, even though i called her to end it, i still feel like shit and really hurt. Is that normal?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I phoned my girlfriend up the other day to say that things havnt been good between us for the last couple of months and that it was over between us. I said I would still (genuinely) still like to be her friend. She then tells me she has been seeing another man for the last two months which was when started to go wring and she is head over heels in love with him. She had cheated on him already with me as we have had sex quite a few times lately. I had hoped things would get better and we'd get through it. My question is, even though i called her to end it, i still feel like shit and really hurt. Is that normal? "
I would have expected you to feel like shit even if she had been devestated that you wanted to finish it up, you aren't 12 anymore, after all.........
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What is it that you're feeling hurt about?
Is it that things didn't get better when you hoped they would? or that she was seeing another guy behind your back?
If it's the latter, then you're probably not really feeling 'hurt', cos you didn't want her really anyhoo. It'll just be yer ego that's bruised is all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So she started seeing someone else about the same time you got your profile on here?  "
Hmmmm..... we spotted that little hole in the argument too....
 and  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is perfectly natural to be hurt and upset when a relationship ends.
But going on what you've written and the little information we can glean from that, I believe you are feeling a bit miffed that she has found someone else and appears to be quite pleased about your decision to end it.
You are on here, I'm suspecting she didn't know that. Look at this in a positive way, she has moved on and found someone new and appears happy. You can also move on now and as the split was accepted by both, hopefully things will be amicable.
Be pleased for her, after all you wouldn't want her to be sitting at home, crying and devastated and pining for you after your phone call to end it with her - would you? |
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Dumped by phone?!! You're a class act! 
You're not hurt, just your ego. You both came to the realisation your relationship had come to an end: you by being on this site, her, by finding her current love of her life.
You blinked first and ended it, probably thinking she'd be devastated not relieved. You're probably miffed that whilst you were having meaningless sex with strangers, enjoying the thrill she was moving on to pastures new.
Never mind hey, you'll get over it! |
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I would think it is perfectly normal to feel a sense of loss no matter what the circumstances of a break up.
For all the reasons you mention it sounds like your relationship had come to a natural end anyway so hopefully you'll feel better soon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This 'friends' thing
I always regard it as somewhat suspect.
That said, I am touch with all but 1 of my exes, but there has always been a period of seperation and non-contact.
I don't feel that remaining friends from the outset is necessarily a good thing.
Both parties need time and opportunity to settle, re-adjust and start to define his or her self as an individual as opposed to as part of a couple.
Remaining 'friends' from the outset, blurs that process and will generally result in one or both parties not fully moving on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this has also reminded me of a stand up i saw
she said
'my boyfriend and i have just split up. he wanted to stay friends. i said i didn't think it was wise, i mean what would we talk about ? he said well, just talk to me like you would talk to your other friends. so, i told him how awful he was'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suppose it's quite normal to feel a bit shitty.
Even though I hated the very sight of my ex wife, I still felt shitty when I finally walked away from her.
Just something I've noticed though, and don't take this the wrong way ......
You claim that things started to go wrong with you and your g/f about 2 months ago.
Is it mere coincidence that 8 weeks ago YOU started a profile on here ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the thoughts. Yes it started to go wrong when i joined fab. She was already on another similar site meeting men when I met her which she told me about. She was happy for the open relationship to be both ways. That wasnt a problem as it was just sex. Im hurt because she actually fell in love with somebody else that she met on that site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aaaawww ...... poor you of course it's normal to feel shitty.
I guess that's swinging for you.
You don't think she said it just to get in the last word as it were?
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"I phoned my girlfriend up the other day to say that things havnt been good between us for the last couple of months and that it was over between us. I said I would still (genuinely) still like to be her friend. She then tells me she has been seeing another man for the last two months which was when started to go wring and she is head over heels in love with him. She had cheated on him already with me as we have had sex quite a few times lately. I had hoped things would get better and we'd get through it. My question is, even though i called her to end it, i still feel like shit and really hurt. Is that normal? "
granted there is only one side of the story here..
what do you feel hurt and shit about?
her new relationship and the fact that she has moved on from you?
or that she is'nt in bits over the ending of the relationship perhaps?
bet a pound to a pinch of shit you never told her about being on here..
think you were getting rid and moving on to pastures new, but she has twiced you m8..
shit happens, move on..
dont understand why you asked such a question on here tbh..
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You want to be her friend but then can't cope with her finding happiness elsewhere? Perhaps time for a bit of self examination and consider what you mean by wanting to be friends. Do you want to restrict what she does and who she meets? What is your real motive for 'wanting to be friends'? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I phoned my girlfriend up the other day to say that things havnt been good between us for the last couple of months and that it was over between us. I said I would still (genuinely) still like to be her friend. She then tells me she has been seeing another man for the last two months which was when started to go wring and she is head over heels in love with him. She had cheated on him already with me as we have had sex quite a few times lately. I had hoped things would get better and we'd get through it. My question is, even though i called her to end it, i still feel like shit and really hurt. Is that normal? "
Maybe she's bluffing .... You were looking elsewhere anyway!!
But in saying that break ups are never pleasant. Chin up, your a big boy and you'll be fine |
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At least he didn't do it via text!!!