FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > anyone relate to being dumb on here
anyone relate to being dumb on here
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just had a lot of crazy stuff happen from being on here - my own fault as well for putting myself in these situations but I keep doing dumb stuff but does anyone else feel like that - I had a dude post my pics from here on Facebook and I had to call the cops cos he was harassing me and I even had to show the cops the photos  and he was like maybe not post and send photos like that and it was really stressful/embarrassing but I still do it? Then I've had dudes at my flat that were so weird and made me feel really uncomfortable one dude I swear I thought he was gonna murder me but I'm still alive but I've met some good guys too, at least. I say i wouldn't do something and then I think fuck it and go do it. Tbh I don't know how much more I can say cos some of it is really bad but I still don't really care about being safe at all and keep putting myself in daft situations. So has anyone else been like this and started being more sensible and safer cos I am trying but keep failing to be honest x |
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I will say what others will. If you don't look after you, no-one else will. The consequences may get better or much worse. Have a bit of self-love.
Imagine watching yourself on a soap. What would you be shouting at the screen as you do the next daft thing?...  |
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"I will say what others will. If you don't look after you, no-one else will. The consequences may get better or much worse. Have a bit of self-love.
Imagine watching yourself on a soap. What would you be shouting at the screen as you do the next daft thing?... "
Exactly what we were going to say. Supposed to be fun on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will say what others will. If you don't look after you, no-one else will. The consequences may get better or much worse. Have a bit of self-love.
Imagine watching yourself on a soap. What would you be shouting at the screen as you do the next daft thing?... "
I'd probably just be thinking what a stupid bitch  but thank you yeah that is true xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe you ought to consider giving this site a miss.... just an opinion "
I was thinking maybe I should delete it, my friend was telling me too because she knows the situations I've been in but then I keep telling myself might as well wait til my site supporter thingy has ran out I don't know lol x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you maybe kind of like the dangerous situations? I know I did a lot of daft stuff when I was younger and found it exciting. I’m more careful now but still do the odd daft thing. "
Yeah I think that's me as well it just goes off in my brain and I'm like who cares what happens just do it xx |
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"Do you maybe kind of like the dangerous situations? I know I did a lot of daft stuff when I was younger and found it exciting. I’m more careful now but still do the odd daft thing.
Yeah I think that's me as well it just goes off in my brain and I'm like who cares what happens just do it xx"
It’s hard to resist sometimes |
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Yep!
I wanted to get into the fet side (or at least thought I did) and had one guy I'd been messaging with for a while. I took what I thought were precautions and had contacted some of his previous meets as I wasn't all that sure what I was getting into. I was trying to sound things out ya know. I was honest with the women that I was new to it all. They all said he was a decent enough guy, though could be unreliable but that was due to work.
Anyway, I think I was too honest with him about my naivety about it all, and he saw that as an opportunity to make a few quid.
I was "owned" and he decided he was gonna arrange meets for me which I was incredibly uncomfortable about. He said I needed to "prove I was a good sub"
Found out after I came to my senses he was charging them to meet me!
There was another one I call my buffalo bill experience.
Met a guy at a pub, nothing untoward in the messages we exchanged that gave me the weirdo vibe, but was I wrong!
He was calling all women from fab sluts, slags and bitches. I made my excuses to leave and he followed me out to the car park, determined to get me in the back of his filthy white van - that was full of racks, cuffs and all manner of hitty things.
I felt like Charlie running from Mr Slugworth while I was legging it down the road.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep!
I wanted to get into the fet side (or at least thought I did) and had one guy I'd been messaging with for a while. I took what I thought were precautions and had contacted some of his previous meets as I wasn't all that sure what I was getting into. I was trying to sound things out ya know. I was honest with the women that I was new to it all. They all said he was a decent enough guy, though could be unreliable but that was due to work.
Anyway, I think I was too honest with him about my naivety about it all, and he saw that as an opportunity to make a few quid.
I was "owned" and he decided he was gonna arrange meets for me which I was incredibly uncomfortable about. He said I needed to "prove I was a good sub"
Found out after I came to my senses he was charging them to meet me!
There was another one I call my buffalo bill experience.
Met a guy at a pub, nothing untoward in the messages we exchanged that gave me the weirdo vibe, but was I wrong!
He was calling all women from fab sluts, slags and bitches. I made my excuses to leave and he followed me out to the car park, determined to get me in the back of his filthy white van - that was full of racks, cuffs and all manner of hitty things.
I felt like Charlie running from Mr Slugworth while I was legging it down the road.
"
I dont think anyone could call you dumb Princess
You are a highly intelligent, beautiful caring person
Its not your fault there are some utter cunts out there |
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"Just had a lot of crazy stuff happen from being on here - my own fault as well for putting myself in these situations but I keep doing dumb stuff but does anyone else feel like that - I had a dude post my pics from here on Facebook and I had to call the cops cos he was harassing me and I even had to show the cops the photos and he was like maybe not post and send photos like that and it was really stressful/embarrassing but I still do it? Then I've had dudes at my flat that were so weird and made me feel really uncomfortable one dude I swear I thought he was gonna murder me but I'm still alive but I've met some good guys too, at least. I say i wouldn't do something and then I think fuck it and go do it. Tbh I don't know how much more I can say cos some of it is really bad but I still don't really care about being safe at all and keep putting myself in daft situations. So has anyone else been like this and started being more sensible and safer cos I am trying but keep failing to be honest x"
We don't live in an ideal world. If we did we could take everyone at face value and trust them all. The thing is we can't and we have to live in the world as it is and take precautions to avoid dangerous situations as best we can. Having days that at 23 I did things that I'd never do know. If you were my daughter I'd be asking you to be more careful please and don't knowingly put your self in harms way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yep!
I wanted to get into the fet side (or at least thought I did) and had one guy I'd been messaging with for a while. I took what I thought were precautions and had contacted some of his previous meets as I wasn't all that sure what I was getting into. I was trying to sound things out ya know. I was honest with the women that I was new to it all. They all said he was a decent enough guy, though could be unreliable but that was due to work.
Anyway, I think I was too honest with him about my naivety about it all, and he saw that as an opportunity to make a few quid.
I was "owned" and he decided he was gonna arrange meets for me which I was incredibly uncomfortable about. He said I needed to "prove I was a good sub"
Found out after I came to my senses he was charging them to meet me!
There was another one I call my buffalo bill experience.
Met a guy at a pub, nothing untoward in the messages we exchanged that gave me the weirdo vibe, but was I wrong!
He was calling all women from fab sluts, slags and bitches. I made my excuses to leave and he followed me out to the car park, determined to get me in the back of his filthy white van - that was full of racks, cuffs and all manner of hitty things.
I felt like Charlie running from Mr Slugworth while I was legging it down the road.
"
Oh my god, that's awful sorry you went through that - yeah it's really hard to know who the weirdos are and who the good ones are. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you're in a vulnerable situation and best thing would be to avoid these sites for a couple of years. There are many predators about and even this forum post will attract them. Talk to a friend and have someone you trust that you can call incase of danger. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Posting pictures only does not mean it’s ok for people to mistreat you and put them elsewhere.
That’s like saying I have a car outside so it’s my fault if it gets stolen"
I never thought of it that way but I guess that's true x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
We don't live in an ideal world. If we did we could take everyone at face value and trust them all. The thing is we can't and we have to live in the world as it is and take precautions to avoid dangerous situations as best we can. Having days that at 23 I did things that I'd never do know. If you were my daughter I'd be asking you to be more careful please and don't knowingly put your self in harms way "
Yeah hopefully I can be more careful and sensible, thank you xx |
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Analysing things now, I think I was pretty lost back then.
I was quite freshly out of an abusive relationship and looking to spread my wings and have all these new experiences having been what felt like caged for years.
I never in a million years thought that there would such a prolific amount of men who'd not only take advantage of that point and of my naivety, but eveb worse, would actively search it out.
The world is a far more dangerous place than I gave it credit for.
That's why now I'll only meet existing friends (when I'm ready and when it's safe to do so) or in group settings with people I know.
I'm not afraid of going to the police if necessary and I won't tolerate any nonsense.
I've learned that red flags need to be listened to, so if your gut is unsure or something, anything doesn't quite feel right... don't ignore it, even if everything sounds legit.
Don't be in a rush. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Don't take this the wrong way OP, but how's your mental health? Sounds like you're being self-destructive to me, a bit."
I have good days and then really bad days feel all over the place but yeah maybe it is a bit x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Make a pact with yourself that any decision you make you sleep on for at least 24 hours before giving an answer - spend that time considering it and how comfortable you are with it.
We all do things on the spur of the moment we later regret, god knows I have, but by stepping back from doing that you give your brain time to catch up with your impulsiveness.
As for meeting people from here - it is exciting, undoubtedly it is, but again put yourself and your safety first at all times - take your time getting to know guys and tell them you won't be meeting until you are comfortable to - if they get pushy or can't accept your way of doing things there you have a red flag to help you - while it's no guarantee the guys that are willing to wait and not push you are less likely to be pushy and overstep boundaries when it does come to meeting - be clear that any meets will be social meets first too - again it helps out those that are potentially dangerous.
There are so many things any user can do to protect themselves (regardless of gender) but often overlook in the excitement of the idea of meeting that taking a step back is often the best thing to do - your safety is more important than a shag 100% of the time. |
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"Yep!
I wanted to get into the fet side (or at least thought I did) and had one guy I'd been messaging with for a while. I took what I thought were precautions and had contacted some of his previous meets as I wasn't all that sure what I was getting into. I was trying to sound things out ya know. I was honest with the women that I was new to it all. They all said he was a decent enough guy, though could be unreliable but that was due to work.
Anyway, I think I was too honest with him about my naivety about it all, and he saw that as an opportunity to make a few quid.
I was "owned" and he decided he was gonna arrange meets for me which I was incredibly uncomfortable about. He said I needed to "prove I was a good sub"
Found out after I came to my senses he was charging them to meet me!
There was another one I call my buffalo bill experience.
Met a guy at a pub, nothing untoward in the messages we exchanged that gave me the weirdo vibe, but was I wrong!
He was calling all women from fab sluts, slags and bitches. I made my excuses to leave and he followed me out to the car park, determined to get me in the back of his filthy white van - that was full of racks, cuffs and all manner of hitty things.
I felt like Charlie running from Mr Slugworth while I was legging it down the road.
I dont think anyone could call you dumb Princess
You are a highly intelligent, beautiful caring person
Its not your fault there are some utter cunts out there"
Thank you beaut. I have been too trusting that's for sure, and I've learnt from it. |
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If you were my daughter alarm bells would be going off from what you are describing. You say you don’t care what happens, keep putting yourself in these dangerous situations, it’s almost like you want something bad to happen 
The reason I say that is I was the same at 30 and in a complete downward spiral and really didn’t care if I woke up the next day.... I did some daft things week in, week out for over a year. I never had anyone to my flat mind, not because I didn’t want them there, but in my mind if something bad was going to happen it would be on their territory and they’d have to clean up the mess.
Try and take more care of yourself, meet in public places rather than your home, don’t mix this and FB world.
I hope you find a way to care for yourself more than you seem too xx |
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If you're open to being very at risk, it's possible that you will face greater harm than you have done. Your very post here could be an invitation to someone who could now view you as easy prey.
It is possibly very dangerous to not take spme precautions. Whilst you may feel that you've been joyriding with what's happened so far, physical, emotional or other injuries probably wouldn't be felt the same way.
You can still enjoy much of the carefree fun that you want but it's wise to take some steps to limit your vulnerability. You are potentially at risk of extreme danger.
Consider asking instead what you can do to keep yourself safer. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Analysing things now, I think I was pretty lost back then.
I was quite freshly out of an abusive relationship and looking to spread my wings and have all these new experiences having been what felt like caged for years.
I never in a million years thought that there would such a prolific amount of men who'd not only take advantage of that point and of my naivety, but eveb worse, would actively search it out.
The world is a far more dangerous place than I gave it credit for.
That's why now I'll only meet existing friends (when I'm ready and when it's safe to do so) or in group settings with people I know.
I'm not afraid of going to the police if necessary and I won't tolerate any nonsense.
I've learned that red flags need to be listened to, so if your gut is unsure or something, anything doesn't quite feel right... don't ignore it, even if everything sounds legit.
Don't be in a rush. "
Thank you so much and I will try my best, I think you really are incredibly strong all you have been through but you ain't just thinking fuck it who cares you are being sensible with things now and I need to start caring too just think it's impossible sometimes and I'm never going to be able to control myself but I will try. Xx |
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"
We don't live in an ideal world. If we did we could take everyone at face value and trust them all. The thing is we can't and we have to live in the world as it is and take precautions to avoid dangerous situations as best we can. Having days that at 23 I did things that I'd never do know. If you were my daughter I'd be asking you to be more careful please and don't knowingly put your self in harms way
Yeah hopefully I can be more careful and sensible, thank you xx "
Not hopefully, you *must* be more careful. Risk taking is fun, we've all done it but to continue doing it when you know it's dangerous is folly. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you were my daughter alarm bells would be going off from what you are describing. You say you don’t care what happens, keep putting yourself in these dangerous situations, it’s almost like you want something bad to happen
The reason I say that is I was the same at 30 and in a complete downward spiral and really didn’t care if I woke up the next day.... I did some daft things week in, week out for over a year. I never had anyone to my flat mind, not because I didn’t want them there, but in my mind if something bad was going to happen it would be on their territory and they’d have to clean up the mess.
Try and take more care of yourself, meet in public places rather than your home, don’t mix this and FB world.
I hope you find a way to care for yourself more than you seem too xx "
How did you get yourself out of it if you don't mind me asking? It's so hard and yeah I do feel like I wouldn't care whether or not it happened. I've just went in guys cars first time meeting them. My friends that I've spoke to it about just feel like they judge me and think I'm being ridiculous that's why I've posted on here about it, just feel like everything is so stressful and why hasn't the things that have happened been enough for me to stop myself yet. I tell guys no but if they keep asking I just give in sometimes x |
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"If you were my daughter alarm bells would be going off from what you are describing. You say you don’t care what happens, keep putting yourself in these dangerous situations, it’s almost like you want something bad to happen
The reason I say that is I was the same at 30 and in a complete downward spiral and really didn’t care if I woke up the next day.... I did some daft things week in, week out for over a year. I never had anyone to my flat mind, not because I didn’t want them there, but in my mind if something bad was going to happen it would be on their territory and they’d have to clean up the mess.
Try and take more care of yourself, meet in public places rather than your home, don’t mix this and FB world.
I hope you find a way to care for yourself more than you seem too xx
How did you get yourself out of it if you don't mind me asking? It's so hard and yeah I do feel like I wouldn't care whether or not it happened. I've just went in guys cars first time meeting them. My friends that I've spoke to it about just feel like they judge me and think I'm being ridiculous that's why I've posted on here about it, just feel like everything is so stressful and why hasn't the things that have happened been enough for me to stop myself yet. I tell guys no but if they keep asking I just give in sometimes x"
I’ll PM you |
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"Analysing things now, I think I was pretty lost back then.
I was quite freshly out of an abusive relationship and looking to spread my wings and have all these new experiences having been what felt like caged for years.
I never in a million years thought that there would such a prolific amount of men who'd not only take advantage of that point and of my naivety, but eveb worse, would actively search it out.
The world is a far more dangerous place than I gave it credit for.
That's why now I'll only meet existing friends (when I'm ready and when it's safe to do so) or in group settings with people I know.
I'm not afraid of going to the police if necessary and I won't tolerate any nonsense.
I've learned that red flags need to be listened to, so if your gut is unsure or something, anything doesn't quite feel right... don't ignore it, even if everything sounds legit.
Don't be in a rush.
Thank you so much and I will try my best, I think you really are incredibly strong all you have been through but you ain't just thinking fuck it who cares you are being sensible with things now and I need to start caring too just think it's impossible sometimes and I'm never going to be able to control myself but I will try. Xx "
It's not impossible.
Be your own friend. That might sound daft at first but think about it.
When you're out with a friend you wouldn't let them go home with a stranger, you'd make sure they got back safely. Allow yourself that friendship too.
If your mate told you about someone she's been chatting too and something just sounds rushed, or fishy .... you'd ask her not to go. Tell yourself not to go.
The biggest and most important thing I think I've learned is this. I don't need validation from other people to make me feel good about who I am. I found that validation inside of me.
I had been treated like shit for a very long time, I had a mother who's parenting technique was to tell you how worthless you were and how you'd never become anything. Nothing was ever good enough.
I still have periods now where I berate myself for not being better, doing better etc and if I make a mistake where I should have known better, fuck me I tear myself to pieces emotionally ... but I give myself a kick in the minge and remind myself I'll never be perfect because I'm human, and part of being human is being imperfect!
It may take time and some personal growth. Fuck, we never stop personal growth as we are constantly aging and changing. Allow that growth, welcome it, seek it.
Research the WHY you may be behaving this way. I did loads of research and it threw back loads of shit I didn't actually realise was bothering me but I connected the dots and it made tons of sense.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
It's not impossible.
Be your own friend. That might sound daft at first but think about it.
When you're out with a friend you wouldn't let them go home with a stranger, you'd make sure they got back safely. Allow yourself that friendship too.
If your mate told you about someone she's been chatting too and something just sounds rushed, or fishy .... you'd ask her not to go. Tell yourself not to go.
The biggest and most important thing I think I've learned is this. I don't need validation from other people to make me feel good about who I am. I found that validation inside of me.
I had been treated like shit for a very long time, I had a mother who's parenting technique was to tell you how worthless you were and how you'd never become anything. Nothing was ever good enough.
I still have periods now where I berate myself for not being better, doing better etc and if I make a mistake where I should have known better, fuck me I tear myself to pieces emotionally ... but I give myself a kick in the minge and remind myself I'll never be perfect because I'm human, and part of being human is being imperfect!
It may take time and some personal growth. Fuck, we never stop personal growth as we are constantly aging and changing. Allow that growth, welcome it, seek it.
Research the WHY you may be behaving this way. I did loads of research and it threw back loads of shit I didn't actually realise was bothering me but I connected the dots and it made tons of sense.
"
No it doesn't sound daft, I get it and it makes a lot of sense. It's just hard to do in those "I don't care what happens" moments but I will try. My mum was like that too and abusive, ended up in care then ended up homeless because of it. Lol "but I give myself a kick in the minge"  you made me laugh and I'm sitting here crying. I need to get it together haha. I will look into things like you've said and thanks again xx |
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"
It's not impossible.
Be your own friend. That might sound daft at first but think about it.
When you're out with a friend you wouldn't let them go home with a stranger, you'd make sure they got back safely. Allow yourself that friendship too.
If your mate told you about someone she's been chatting too and something just sounds rushed, or fishy .... you'd ask her not to go. Tell yourself not to go.
The biggest and most important thing I think I've learned is this. I don't need validation from other people to make me feel good about who I am. I found that validation inside of me.
I had been treated like shit for a very long time, I had a mother who's parenting technique was to tell you how worthless you were and how you'd never become anything. Nothing was ever good enough.
I still have periods now where I berate myself for not being better, doing better etc and if I make a mistake where I should have known better, fuck me I tear myself to pieces emotionally ... but I give myself a kick in the minge and remind myself I'll never be perfect because I'm human, and part of being human is being imperfect!
It may take time and some personal growth. Fuck, we never stop personal growth as we are constantly aging and changing. Allow that growth, welcome it, seek it.
Research the WHY you may be behaving this way. I did loads of research and it threw back loads of shit I didn't actually realise was bothering me but I connected the dots and it made tons of sense.
No it doesn't sound daft, I get it and it makes a lot of sense. It's just hard to do in those "I don't care what happens" moments but I will try. My mum was like that too and abusive, ended up in care then ended up homeless because of it. Lol "but I give myself a kick in the minge" you made me laugh and I'm sitting here crying. I need to get it together haha. I will look into things like you've said and thanks again xx "
Please do. It's incredibly painful but also incredibly interesting. You'll likely find yourself going "ohhhh THAT'S why I do that/ feel like that"
Once you discover your behaviours are probably textbook resulting from trauma, that's the time that instead of letting it continue, you make the choice to learn, and battle the demons. It's time to find who you really are, who you want to be, and not who you've been shaped into becoming.
You'll learn about triggers, and healthy ways of dealing with them.
I don't think you have a bad heart or soul, or you wouldn't be putting this stuff out here.
I believe in you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you were my daughter alarm bells would be going off from what you are describing. You say you don’t care what happens, keep putting yourself in these dangerous situations, it’s almost like you want something bad to happen
The reason I say that is I was the same at 30 and in a complete downward spiral and really didn’t care if I woke up the next day.... I did some daft things week in, week out for over a year. I never had anyone to my flat mind, not because I didn’t want them there, but in my mind if something bad was going to happen it would be on their territory and they’d have to clean up the mess.
Try and take more care of yourself, meet in public places rather than your home, don’t mix this and FB world.
I hope you find a way to care for yourself more than you seem too xx
How did you get yourself out of it if you don't mind me asking? It's so hard and yeah I do feel like I wouldn't care whether or not it happened. I've just went in guys cars first time meeting them. My friends that I've spoke to it about just feel like they judge me and think I'm being ridiculous that's why I've posted on here about it, just feel like everything is so stressful and why hasn't the things that have happened been enough for me to stop myself yet. I tell guys no but if they keep asking I just give in sometimes x
I’ll PM you "
I didn't get a PM from you - I don't know if it's my filters or what just didn't want you thinking I'd ignored it if you send anything.
Also just want to say thank you to everyone that has replied to this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just had a lot of crazy stuff happen from being on here - my own fault as well for putting myself in these situations but I keep doing dumb stuff but does anyone else feel like that - I had a dude post my pics from here on Facebook and I had to call the cops cos he was harassing me and I even had to show the cops the photos and he was like maybe not post and send photos like that and it was really stressful/embarrassing but I still do it? Then I've had dudes at my flat that were so weird and made me feel really uncomfortable one dude I swear I thought he was gonna murder me but I'm still alive but I've met some good guys too, at least. I say i wouldn't do something and then I think fuck it and go do it. Tbh I don't know how much more I can say cos some of it is really bad but I still don't really care about being safe at all and keep putting myself in daft situations. So has anyone else been like this and started being more sensible and safer cos I am trying but keep failing to be honest x"
First of all that copper shouldn’t have told you not to post semi naked pictures of yourself or send them. That seems like victim blaming to me.
You can post what you want, people shouldn’t be dicks and use those pics against you and it is actually a crime so you were right to report him.
As for not feeling safe when you invite people to your home, do you have a social first to gauge what kind of person they are and establish there’s is an attraction so you definitely know you want to do sexual things with them?
Some of the main reasons why men could attack women is not being able to take rejection well, assuming that cos you agreed to meet for sex that you have to have sex, they may not accept that you’d change your mind in the flesh, hurt ego or pride, so again this would come down to you saying no on the day. A social meet before arranging to have sex with ensure you absolutely want to do things with that person.
As for being safe in your home, have a few items that could do damage to a person but items that would normally be in a bedroom or living room (whatever area you’ll be with a man). If you had a baseball bat, knife, or anything like that and used it you’d get into trouble for premeditating the use of violence, you’d be looking at gbh with intent and could be an 18 year sentence or more. Now if you whacked someone over the head with something like a decorative vase, that’s self defence. Think about that.
Also tell someone you trust that you’re going to have someone over.
Tell the guy when he comes over that at some point during the evening your friend/mum/sister is going to ring you so tell him he must be quiet. It seems natural to say but he knows someone is gonna be checking and expecting you to answer. If you have a drive and a car before he arrives park on the street and tell him to park on your drive then you block that fucker in so he can’t do anything to you that knocks you out and make a getaway.
If you get picked up at a public place and drive with him you tell him to stop at a petrol station and you get something from the shop. All forecourts have cameras and ANPR specifically positioned to catch number plates to prevent fuel theft and robberies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had a lot of crazy stuff happen from being on here - my own fault as well for putting myself in these situations but I keep doing dumb stuff but does anyone else feel like that - I had a dude post my pics from here on Facebook and I had to call the cops cos he was harassing me and I even had to show the cops the photos and he was like maybe not post and send photos like that and it was really stressful/embarrassing but I still do it? Then I've had dudes at my flat that were so weird and made me feel really uncomfortable one dude I swear I thought he was gonna murder me but I'm still alive but I've met some good guys too, at least. I say i wouldn't do something and then I think fuck it and go do it. Tbh I don't know how much more I can say cos some of it is really bad but I still don't really care about being safe at all and keep putting myself in daft situations. So has anyone else been like this and started being more sensible and safer cos I am trying but keep failing to be honest x
First of all that copper shouldn’t have told you not to post semi naked pictures of yourself or send them. That seems like victim blaming to me.
You can post what you want, people shouldn’t be dicks and use those pics against you and it is actually a crime so you were right to report him.
As for not feeling safe when you invite people to your home, do you have a social first to gauge what kind of person they are and establish there’s is an attraction so you definitely know you want to do sexual things with them?
Some of the main reasons why men could attack women is not being able to take rejection well, assuming that cos you agreed to meet for sex that you have to have sex, they may not accept that you’d change your mind in the flesh, hurt ego or pride, so again this would come down to you saying no on the day. A social meet before arranging to have sex with ensure you absolutely want to do things with that person.
As for being safe in your home, have a few items that could do damage to a person but items that would normally be in a bedroom or living room (whatever area you’ll be with a man). If you had a baseball bat, knife, or anything like that and used it you’d get into trouble for premeditating the use of violence, you’d be looking at gbh with intent and could be an 18 year sentence or more. Now if you whacked someone over the head with something like a decorative vase, that’s self defence. Think about that.
Also tell someone you trust that you’re going to have someone over.
Tell the guy when he comes over that at some point during the evening your friend/mum/sister is going to ring you so tell him he must be quiet. It seems natural to say but he knows someone is gonna be checking and expecting you to answer. If you have a drive and a car before he arrives park on the street and tell him to park on your drive then you block that fucker in so he can’t do anything to you that knocks you out and make a getaway.
If you get picked up at a public place and drive with him you tell him to stop at a petrol station and you get something from the shop. All forecourts have cameras and ANPR specifically positioned to catch number plates to prevent fuel theft and robberies. "
All brilliant advice, especially your last one about petrol stations. Never thought of that before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're open to being very at risk, it's possible that you will face greater harm than you have done.
***Your very post here could be an invitation to someone who could now view you as easy prey.***
It is possibly very dangerous to not take spme precautions. Whilst you may feel that you've been joyriding with what's happened so far, physical, emotional or other injuries probably wouldn't be felt the same way.
You can still enjoy much of the carefree fun that you want but it's wise to take some steps to limit your vulnerability. You are potentially at risk of extreme danger.
Consider asking instead what you can do to keep yourself safer. "
Especially *** |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t mean to sound patronising but you sound young and naive.
You only have to google to find stories of women killed on first dates/meets. I’m sure those women didn’t think it would happen to them.
So many women think they are capable of looking after themselves physically should anything go wrong, but for the majority, that’s not the case.
It’s a sad world we live in and you need to take precautions. Have socials first- in public! Don’t invite them to your home until you have got to know them a little better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
***Your very post here could be an invitation to someone who could now view you as easy prey.***
"
Yes my thoughts exactly.
This post should be deleted.
My inbox is open OP if you need someone to talk to.
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
As for being safe in your home, have a few items that could do damage to a person but items that would normally be in a bedroom or living room (whatever area you’ll be with a man). If you had a baseball bat, knife, or anything like that and used it you’d get into trouble for premeditating the use of violence, you’d be looking at gbh with intent and could be an 18 year sentence or more. Now if you whacked someone over the head with something like a decorative vase, that’s self defence. Think about that.
"
You have given some good advice. However, the above is not quite true.
If the force used was necessary and reasonable in self defence, defence of others, defence of property, prevention of crime or lawful arrest, then it does not matter what object or item you used, as long as it was necessary and reasonable.
Necessary and reasonable is a grey area but I digress. |
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Op. As said lots of times you need to be safe. Whilst I understand the motivation for some of the advice, as soon as you start down the path of considering what you could weaponise against a date, you should be considering WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS
There are countless ways of limiting the risks a looong time before violence is the only option. One of the key principles of Martial arts is the best defence weapon is your brain. Use it to avoid the situation if possible. When faced with an aggressor Forget pride, ego, desire - walk away. If you can't THEN you act.
Equipping yourself physically without equal prior thought for the situation just encourages high risk behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
As for being safe in your home, have a few items that could do damage to a person but items that would normally be in a bedroom or living room (whatever area you’ll be with a man). If you had a baseball bat, knife, or anything like that and used it you’d get into trouble for premeditating the use of violence, you’d be looking at gbh with intent and could be an 18 year sentence or more. Now if you whacked someone over the head with something like a decorative vase, that’s self defence. Think about that.
You have given some good advice. However, the above is not quite true.
If the force used was necessary and reasonable in self defence, defence of others, defence of property, prevention of crime or lawful arrest, then it does not matter what object or item you used, as long as it was necessary and reasonable.
Necessary and reasonable is a grey area but I digress. "
Honestly if you took a knife to bed with you and used it, you’d be fucked.
Why did you take a crow bar, sledge hammer, knife, baseball bat to your bedroom? Umm to use it if someone broke in, yeah that’s premeditated use of a weapon. It absolutely does matter what you use when it comes to being prosecuted or not. They say you can use reasonable force to defend yourself and your property and it would be looked at as a mitigating defence in court, but unless you’re in a kitchen and grab a knife from a drawer or knife block or place where a knife would be you’d have to have a shit hot defence lawyer to get off with a sentence, at the very least it would go on your record. You wouldn’t get off completely clean. There’s lots of men in prison that are serving sentences for similar circumstances. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Hi op, can only echo what others have said. Please be careful, there are some very strange and scary people out there.
Listen to your gut instinct and protect yourself as much as possible ie have a social first so you're not having a complete stranger over.
There are some great people on here, but some very unscrupulous ones too sadly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear this, we can use fab as a way of self harm I think, I know I have felt similair in the past. Deleting profiles only help for the short term, the whole thing draws you back in eventually so best to sort the problems that make you want to act like this in the first place would help. Staying here for the forum is lovely as you will get good advice from people and is somewhere to talk things through. X |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
When I first joined here I was pretty naive and had a few things happen that woke me up pretty quickly.I realised not everyone on here is a nice genuine person. I gave a little bit too much info to a guy I was chatting to at the start and he managed to work out where I worked at the time and threatened to tell them if I didn't meet him. I called him bluff and he left the site.
I was persuaded to call to a guys house for coffe on a first meet and he expected a lot more than just coffee. It wasn't a pleasant experience.
But it all woke me up and I realised you have to be wary and any red flag at all I will walk away now. You have to take responsibility for your own safety you cannot rely on anyone else for that and if you really do think yoi are putting yourself in harms way you are better off not being on here as people will take advantage. Even some who have read your post on here op could now see you as an easy target.
The only advice I can give you is talk to someone a good bit before you arrange to meet get to know them. They cant hide behind a fake persona for that long normally. When you do meet makes sure it's in a public place first and never bring someone back to your house on a first meet. I have only ever brought 2 guys to my house and I knew and trusted them really well before I did that I had met both of them a few times before I even considered it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Op. As said lots of times you need to be safe. Whilst I understand the motivation for some of the advice, as soon as you start down the path of considering what you could weaponise against a date, you should be considering WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS
There are countless ways of limiting the risks a looong time before violence is the only option. One of the key principles of Martial arts is the best defence weapon is your brain. Use it to avoid the situation if possible. When faced with an aggressor Forget pride, ego, desire - walk away. If you can't THEN you act.
Equipping yourself physically without equal prior thought for the situation just encourages high risk behaviour. "
I always have a lighter by my bed for my candles in my bedroom and always have hairspray and body spray by my bed so if I heard someone downstairs I would go down, do my two warning blasts of my home made flame thrower, if they didn’t get out the next blast would be melting their eyelids off.
Also martial arts wouldn’t help you against a guy that really wanted to hurt you. In an attack situation you could freeze in fear and forget everything you know, kickboxing wouldn’t help me, all someone would have to do is catch one kick and push me back and I’d be on my arse. It’s alright if someone’s gonna stand there and let you attack them but real world, nah it’s useless. My best defence that anyone could do if they were attacked and had a free hand, shit yourself, reach in your pants, grab some turd and rub it on their face and in their mouth. They’d be like what the fuck, you dirty bastard, they’d be spewing and then you can batter them. |
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"Op. As said lots of times you need to be safe. Whilst I understand the motivation for some of the advice, as soon as you start down the path of considering what you could weaponise against a date, you should be considering WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS
There are countless ways of limiting the risks a looong time before violence is the only option. One of the key principles of Martial arts is the best defence weapon is your brain. Use it to avoid the situation if possible. When faced with an aggressor Forget pride, ego, desire - walk away. If you can't THEN you act.
Equipping yourself physically without equal prior thought for the situation just encourages high risk behaviour.
I always have a lighter by my bed for my candles in my bedroom and always have hairspray and body spray by my bed so if I heard someone downstairs I would go down, do my two warning blasts of my home made flame thrower, if they didn’t get out the next blast would be melting their eyelids off.
Also martial arts wouldn’t help you against a guy that really wanted to hurt you. In an attack situation you could freeze in fear and forget everything you know, kickboxing wouldn’t help me, all someone would have to do is catch one kick and push me back and I’d be on my arse. It’s alright if someone’s gonna stand there and let you attack them but real world, nah it’s useless. My best defence that anyone could do if they were attacked and had a free hand, shit yourself, reach in your pants, grab some turd and rub it on their face and in their mouth. They’d be like what the fuck, you dirty bastard, they’d be spewing and then you can batter them. "
I’m laughing my tits off at this, omg made my day |
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"Op. As said lots of times you need to be safe. Whilst I understand the motivation for some of the advice, as soon as you start down the path of considering what you could weaponise against a date, you should be considering WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS
There are countless ways of limiting the risks a looong time before violence is the only option. One of the key principles of Martial arts is the best defence weapon is your brain. Use it to avoid the situation if possible. When faced with an aggressor Forget pride, ego, desire - walk away. If you can't THEN you act.
Equipping yourself physically without equal prior thought for the situation just encourages high risk behaviour.
I always have a lighter by my bed for my candles in my bedroom and always have hairspray and body spray by my bed so if I heard someone downstairs I would go down, do my two warning blasts of my home made flame thrower, if they didn’t get out the next blast would be melting their eyelids off.
Also martial arts wouldn’t help you against a guy that really wanted to hurt you. In an attack situation you could freeze in fear and forget everything you know, kickboxing wouldn’t help me, all someone would have to do is catch one kick and push me back and I’d be on my arse. It’s alright if someone’s gonna stand there and let you attack them but real world, nah it’s useless. My best defence that anyone could do if they were attacked and had a free hand, shit yourself, reach in your pants, grab some turd and rub it on their face and in their mouth. They’d be like what the fuck, you dirty bastard, they’d be spewing and then you can batter them. "
I have heard the same but with blood from a nose bleed! And therein lies the real strength in martial arts. Recognise there will ALWAYS be someone bigger/better than you. Once you DO engage, use every weapon at your disposal with maximum effect. However, your conditioning makes that viable for you: for the op, using her brain to stay *out* of trouble is a better option.
Osu! |
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