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.The elusive connection
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Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand this... it’s difficult to judge because sometimes the more you get to know someone the more intense the connection, other times the more you get to know someone the more you get put off! |
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"Definately find that happens with some, it's difficult just now tho as all you can do it chat but yeah, know exactly what you mean  "
Not just me then...I want to get to know people but there is a fine line for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It can be harder to keep a conversation going here than it would be face to face; there are no obvious emotions to play off, no visible cues, nothing happening around you to comment on, etc.
There’s a balance to strike, for sure; too little and people could get bored, too much and people could feel hounded (or bored!) |
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With good and sound experience i can tell you with 100% certainty this is almost everyone lol
I mean i get replies we are chatting next minute im left on read lol
And at that point what do you do? Msg them again and look like your pushing? Don't msg them and risk loosing the encounter??
I wish people would just make it clear if they have lost interest etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know what you mean.
It’s difficult currently but I’d like to think that the people I have connected with in the last few months will still want to meet me when it’s possible again. |
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"I think i end up being 'friend zoned' by the person i chat to.
Unless they're into sexy chats and that's completely different. 
Even some sexy chats for me..end up that way!"
As I kiss your neck and slowly undoing your bra, I whisper those magical words into your ear. "Fancy a cuppa? I'm parched" |
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"I think i end up being 'friend zoned' by the person i chat to.
Unless they're into sexy chats and that's completely different.
Even some sexy chats for me..end up that way!
As I kiss your neck and slowly undoing your bra, I whisper those magical words into your ear. "Fancy a cuppa? I'm parched""
Sweet..you putting the kettle on?  |
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By *B69Woman
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
Yes has happened many times over the last 6 months and I’m probably to blame as not a great conversationalist over message, but I’m confident in knowing that those I wish to meet are happy with the occasional catch up and that it will happen when time allows  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think i end up being 'friend zoned' by the person i chat to.
Unless they're into sexy chats and that's completely different.
Even some sexy chats for me..end up that way!"
It’s not just you that happens to. I find conversations seem to dry up on me a lot recently...
He we should message each other, maybe that way we can not talk to each other, ha ha |
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"Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better?"
It’s tough to maintain when you can’t take the next step and meet. As long as you explain there will be bouts of being quiet and not read anything into it then when you do talk it feels more natural |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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More talk is better, but in these times it’s hard when you can’t put a date on the calendar.
People are wary of ping pong messaging going nowhere.
We’re (Hopefully) all in the same boat so it’s a good time to get creative with webcam, photo challenges or online scrabble  |
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"More talk is better, but in these times it’s hard when you can’t put a date on the calendar.
People are wary of ping pong messaging going nowhere.
We’re (Hopefully) all in the same boat so it’s a good time to get creative with webcam, photo challenges or online scrabble "
Drabble sounds particularly good fun  |
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"It can be harder to keep a conversation going here than it would be face to face; there are no obvious emotions to play off, no visible cues, nothing happening around you to comment on, etc.
There’s a balance to strike, for sure; too little and people could get bored, too much and people could feel hounded (or bored!)"
This i kind of agree with, it's easier to keep things flowing if you have met |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just given up chatting
I sometimes don't start chatting because I kmow where it will end up...nowhere!"
I haven't even chatted with you for ages, which is very rude of me.
I just feel I have little to offer a chat at the moment.
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
Most the guys we have met (although not many) we have chatted to for about a year before meeting, you would think they would say forget this but they don’t so we must be good at chatting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hush now OP and just perv our pics
Seriously though, I think I know the phenomena you speak of. It is hard to maintain a certain level of interest when it's impossible to arrange further physical meets to affirm the attraction.
But surely if you've made a good enough connection, you're both able to "pick up where you left off" when the opportunity to reconnect and continue building that bond arises, albeit on line, no?
Fuzz |
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"Hush now OP and just perv our pics
Seriously though, I think I know the phenomena you speak of. It is hard to maintain a certain level of interest when it's impossible to arrange further physical meets to affirm the attraction.
But surely if you've made a good enough connection, you're both able to "pick up where you left off" when the opportunity to reconnect and continue building that bond arises, albeit on line, no?
Fuzz"
I'd hope so...I like your thinking.
And Fuzz..I often admire you and your pics |
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I’m definitely getting a ‘ I’m bored wanna chat’ vibe and if you only want to talk ‘because you’re bored’ then don’t waste my time ...is my take on it.
Those who genuinely chat... it’s difficult to maintain the conversation / connection when there is no possibility of intention to meet
Tough times  |
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"I’m definitely getting a ‘ I’m bored wanna chat’ vibe and if you only want to talk ‘because you’re bored’ then don’t waste my time ...is my take on it.
Those who genuinely chat... it’s difficult to maintain the conversation / connection when there is no possibility of intention to meet
Tough times "
Yes they really are 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m definitely getting a ‘ I’m bored wanna chat’ vibe and if you only want to talk ‘because you’re bored’ then don’t waste my time ...is my take on it.
Those who genuinely chat... it’s difficult to maintain the conversation / connection when there is no possibility of intention to meet
Tough times "
Agreed! I’m starting to feel bad even sending an intro message to people I’m genuinely interested in chatting to.
I’d Like to suggest a coffee after a week or so of chatting but i feel bad dragging it out now! |
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Before C chats either flowed naturally and led to the next step or they didn’t and died away.
Since then, those I knew already it has continued to flow as if nothing has changed, I think that is because there is more there than just sex.
New people however you can have that chat for a while and then it’s a bit “no I’m not your quick fix as you’re bored” - maybe not their intention but it’s how I felt, so I let them naturally die away and it’s no fault that of theirs. |
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By *igmaMan
over a year ago
Yorkshire |
"Most the guys we have met (although not many) we have chatted to for about a year before meeting, you would think they would say forget this but they don’t so we must be good at chatting "
WTF!! |
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We spoke for two months before we were able to meet and I think this really helped as the meet just flowed.
So much so that we then seen each other a few weeks later and then pretty much every week since....even spending 4 and 5 days together recently.
We developed a good close bond over the 2 months which has eventually resulted in us being a couple now... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"2 weeks of chatting is generally enough!
Anymore and I start to lose interest"
This for me too. If we haven't met within 2 weeks then I won't ever be meeting them.
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I don’t really chat with getting jiggly at the forefront of my mind. Instead a switch has to go on in my head that makes me look at them sexually.
More often than not though, the switch remains in the off position. More to do with me than them.
I do prefer coolness and nonchalance in a man though. Get too keen and I’m off.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m definitely getting a ‘ I’m bored wanna chat’ vibe and if you only want to talk ‘because you’re bored’ then don’t waste my time ...is my take on it.
Those who genuinely chat... it’s difficult to maintain the conversation / connection when there is no possibility of intention to meet
Tough times "
This too |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better?"
It because we all talk though our phones via text, social media which has become a 2m rule between all of us. |
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I have been lucky and found some amazing sexual friend connections and our relationships have grown stronger over lockdown because we both want to meet each other and will wait till we can
I've not bothered making any new ones purely so I can concentrate on the ones that matter rather than unknown |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better?"
I'm terrible for this
It's been my downfall for years
As soon as I like someone as a person, the potential for sex just dissipates
I've never had a social that turned sexual, but I've had sexual meets with others and been both social & sexual with them after the initial meet
Hence why I have never found a sexual partner through The Forums |
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As smart and as sexy as us Fabbers like to think we are, it’s difficult to keep the interest and intrigue going. Especially if we’ve already looked at naked photos of each other and seen the list of sexual likes etc.
I really enjoyed the slower build during my dating years on POF just a few years ago. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better?"
I seem to have the ones who have very limited attention span and are off to better things it seems. They get the "ick" quicker and quicker these days, sigh!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to chat over PMs and can sometimes get a bit full-on to begin with.
Whether it can maintain itself over the long term depends on the people involved. If I'm not getting much back then it will fizzle out (and I enjoy writing so can write quite lengthy messages sometimes). Which is not a bad thing.
And through text there can be misunderstandings of intent - especially at the moment when it's not possible to actually meet - and then it's best to actually talk it through and come to an agreement on whether it's worth continuing or not.
Breaks in the conversation - where the message is read but not replied to - would be natural as you wouldn't always be phoning or communicating everyday anyway. But it can be picked up by you or the other person a few days later.
If both of you are interested in maintaining an ongoing conversation then a 'connection' can be made and, hopefully, that will lead to meeting up at sometime in the future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get this totally...
I like to be sociable and chat to new people that I'd like to meet but it is so hard to keep it going when you don't know exactly when you can meet so things do end up fizzing out.  |
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I'm chatting to someone who might friend zone me...or might not even be really interested in me...but in my eyes I could never friend zone her...the more I chat the more I like her.
But then again...I'm a soppy got...lol |
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I love the chatting, the getting to know soneone, the building that elusive connection, the anticipation of finding a message in your inbox. Sadly, sometimes this can end up being one sided and you're the only one feeling this, and suddenly it all stops and you're clueless why.
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"I'm chatting to someone who might friend zone me...or might not even be really interested in me...but in my eyes I could never friend zone her...the more I chat the more I like her.
But then again...I'm a soppy got...lol"
I hope it works out for you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just given up chatting
I sometimes don't start chatting because I kmow where it will end up...nowhere!"
What a shame.... Someone has let someone like you down in the past! |
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"I have just given up chatting
I sometimes don't start chatting because I kmow where it will end up...nowhere!
What a shame.... Someone has let someone like you down in the past!"
No..not realy. I just know myself, and don't want to lead anyone on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We spoke for two months before we were able to meet and I think this really helped as the meet just flowed.
So much so that we then seen each other a few weeks later and then pretty much every week since....even spending 4 and 5 days together recently.
We developed a good close bond over the 2 months which has eventually resulted in us being a couple now... "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better?"
I so feel this! Due to a bit of a let down I impulsively met a man, 2 hours later we were in bed. We are now a glorious couple and long may it stay that way |
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"We spoke for two months before we were able to meet and I think this really helped as the meet just flowed.
So much so that we then seen each other a few weeks later and then pretty much every week since....even spending 4 and 5 days together recently.
We developed a good close bond over the 2 months which has eventually resulted in us being a couple now...
"
I didn't see this...that's realy lovely x |
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"Is it just me who finds it hard to maintain?
You start chatting and you are really interested.
I mean so interested that if they were stood before
You, you wouldn't waste a minute getting to know them intimately.
Especially, during these uncertain times when meeting is off the cards do you lose the momentum?
Can you talk too much and up friend zoning them?
Is less talk better?
I so feel this! Due to a bit of a let down I impulsively met a man, 2 hours later we were in bed. We are now a glorious couple and long may it stay that way "
Congrats to you x
there may be hope for me yet x |
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"I'm chatting to someone who might friend zone me...or might not even be really interested in me...but in my eyes I could never friend zone her...the more I chat the more I like her.
But then again...I'm a soppy got...lol
I hope it works out for you x"
I have no doubt it won't...lol |
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I definitely think that you can talk too much. This has happened with us and a few people. We chat and then get past that 'red hot passionate moment' and end up in the friends zone.
It's finding the happy medium as we do like to chat, but not too much.
Hmmmmmm, a tricky one. |
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By *nique_78Woman
over a year ago
Home, somewhere in Norfolk |
Talking cuts down on time wasters and those with 'the any hole will do' attitude in my opinion - roll on roll of has never been something that attracts me but I have respect for those that it does! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We generally find it's the other way around. Because we wont meet people as quickly as they want. They just vanish. We need to know someone first. Unless it's a club thing.
J |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
The way I've always looked at it - if chat on here becomes "hard to maintain" to the point where you have to think of something to say just to maintain contact, then it wasn't meant to be.
It's when the conversation just flows naturally and instinctively back and forth that you know it was meant to be - even if there's a break in conversation it gets picked up again at a later point without feeling forced.
Sometimes conversations and connections do just fizzle naturally - no-one's fault specifically it's just as natural as when they flow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talking cuts down on time wasters and those with 'the any hole will do' attitude in my opinion - roll on roll of has never been something that attracts me but I have respect for those that it does! "
Hear Hear.
(A little time and effort getting to know someone, and their likes and desires with a little erotic literary ping pong......CAN ONLY BUT ENHANCE A MEET .....SURELY?) |
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There does come a point where you either need to meet in person or both agree that things are happy to go on hold just as they are until such time as you can meet.
All too often continuing to just chat about 'how is your day going can let that spark you had slip and things just fizzle out.
Its not about losing interest in the other person, sometimes its the opposite and you just chat for the sake of it and the hope that they don't forget about you and move on to the next person.
Covid has a lot to answer for for a lot of people in this regard I think, it certainly has for me and working shifts when most work a normal 9-5 job also limits things too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't do sexy chats... Just go straight to friend zone  "
I don't do that sexting shite either, a great way to find out if a guy is genuinly interested or just wants to scratch an itch. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
No, it's not just you. I'm not really looking for anything with anyone now but I can be right a 'mare to talk to. I can be really interested in getting to know someone and I'll send witty and engaging messages, hoping to find answers to sate my curiosity and pique my passion and I'm thrilled whenever I see a message from them pop up. But then, for a myriad of reasons the interest wanes; they've opened up too much and I view them as a friend, I think they are sniffing around every woman on the fora, the conversation doesn't quite do it for me in the same way etc.
Maybe less talk is better but there's a real rush in that initial getting to know someone phase that I love, even if it does burn out quickly. Besides, there's nothing wrong with having more friends (for me anyway). |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
I rarely message anyone. There's one or two ladies I'd like to chat with, but just never got around to doing so. It's not as if I'm a shy person - far from it. Probably because I've only been here just over a year and think myself still a bit of a newbie! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friend zoned, left on read or blocked seems to be my track record on here "
I get that too. There are a few exceptions though and I'm so glad of that.
I'm managing to keep talking to some and yes, we have become friends, but there's still that sexy talk sometimes that keeps that side going too. I love how it's going with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
All too often continuing to just chat about 'how is your day going can let that spark you had slip and things just fizzle out.
"
I quite enjoy chatting about normal every day things. I actually find people's normal 'boring' life stuff quite interesting and for me it, possibly, shows interest beyond just a Fab leg-over meet.
And, like a 'relationship', maintaining long-term messaging requires some sort of effort from both parties. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
All too often continuing to just chat about 'how is your day going can let that spark you had slip and things just fizzle out.
I quite enjoy chatting about normal every day things. I actually find people's normal 'boring' life stuff quite interesting and for me it, possibly, shows interest beyond just a Fab leg-over meet.
And, like a 'relationship', maintaining long-term messaging requires some sort of effort from both parties."
I like that too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can be really interested in getting to know someone and I'll send witty and engaging messages, hoping to find answers to sate my curiosity and pique my passion and I'm thrilled whenever I see a message from them pop up. But then, for a myriad of reasons the interest wanes.
Maybe less talk is better but there's a real rush in that initial getting to know someone phase that I love, even if it does burn out quickly."
I am guilty of the full-on 'I'm really interested in you' initial excitement of someone new and then that interest burning out. And it can also put some people off as it can be too intense for them.
But then communication is key - and I have said to some what I can be like and to tell me to back off if it's too much.
Finding that balance of being interested but not too interested is a bit of a tightrope for me and I do have to really resist the urge, sometimes, not to splurge with the messages.
As long as I'm still getting that slight thrill when a new message pops up from someone then I know I'm still maintaining my interest in them. |
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