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Should being overweight be celebrated?
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" I'd help them find a way to lose weight that they were happy with. | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too? I'd help them find a way to lose weight that they were happy with. " Same here! | |||
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"Depends on how it is done, telling me I'm overweight will more than likely make me feel crap and actually eat more. So even if your intentions were good you'd actually be making it worse for me. However, if I said I felt crap about being overweight. The best way to help me would be to ask me out for a walk. Once I've done something positive I'm more likely to do see myself positively and then look after myself better. Sometimes being honest isn't what someone needs to hear, I know I shouldn't eat that chocolate bar etc etc. I know I'm fat I've got eyes. What u need is reassurance I'm beautiful whatever my weight is, that is often enough to stop me comfort eating " That’s the thing. We all know that eating shit will make us overweight and it isn’t as easy as just saying well change your diet then. It’s a state of mind you need to be in. I’d go as far as saying changing your diet is the same as giving up cigarettes if you’re a smoker. It’s hard. You’ve got to be in a good place and ready to be able to do it. It’s looking at someone’s needs and seeing where you can make the easiest changes first without it being too overwhelming. | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" What your asking here is two completely different things. The first being is it right to celebrate being overweight. If a person is happy in there physical form no matter what shape it is then Damn right they have a right to shine there confidence from within it. It’s their body no one else’s so what right does anyone have to tell them any different. Why do people feel the need to express opinions of what another person should look like. Don’t like it move on. I’m fat yup my choice, my body and I’m enjoying life. I feed me nobody else foots that bill. People choose to fuck me I don’t jump them it’s their choice. I’m not going about telling other people how they should live their lives or decorate their bodies and they certainly don’t get a say in mine. I’ve been bigger and smaller and I happen like like and celebrate me for who I am as a person. My fat describes me but it does not define me as a person. Your second point about an unhappy friend well support them. KINDLY. If anyone isn’t happy how they look then change it. Your not a tree ... move. Ask them how you can help or support and don’t brush it under the carpet with words that they may not be feeling such as your perfect as you are because your not them and they clearly want to change things. There’s a difference between supporting another person through a change in themselves then branding a look with negative vibes. | |||
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"Acknowledging that beauty comes in different sizes does not encourages people to become or remain fat nor does it celebrate fatness. It promotes body positivity. In my mind there is nothing wrong with showing that you can be beautiful, confident, loved, no matter what size you are. If more people promoted feeling comfortable in your own skin (if that’s on a journey to a healthier lifestyle or not) or whether you are happy as you are and think you’re living your best life already, then there would be a lot more happiness in the world, instead of low self esteem, body hang ups, confidence issues and sadness about not being body perfect. I mean we come in different shapes, sizes, colours, genders and whatever else makes us unique so how about we celebrate that rather than try and make each other feel like shit. Life is far too short. " Yes, up to a point of course we come in different sizes etc. But our bodies are not designed to be obese, our evolutionary process did not really come across the condition until just now (in evolutionary terms). Therefore it damages our joints, internal organs etc. Would we celebrate an alcoholic, because they were happy in themselves and their live style choices? Which was the original question, supporting someone and loving them is very different to celebrating a state that is likely to damage them. It's a tough question, and even tougher to cope with when not abstracted but applied to a real person. | |||
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"Depends on how it is done, telling me I'm overweight will more than likely make me feel crap and actually eat more. So even if your intentions were good you'd actually be making it worse for me. However, if I said I felt crap about being overweight. The best way to help me would be to ask me out for a walk. Once I've done something positive I'm more likely to do see myself positively and then look after myself better. Sometimes being honest isn't what someone needs to hear, I know I shouldn't eat that chocolate bar etc etc. I know I'm fat I've got eyes. What u need is reassurance I'm beautiful whatever my weight is, that is often enough to stop me comfort eating That’s the thing. We all know that eating shit will make us overweight and it isn’t as easy as just saying well change your diet then. It’s a state of mind you need to be in. I’d go as far as saying changing your diet is the same as giving up cigarettes if you’re a smoker. It’s hard. You’ve got to be in a good place and ready to be able to do it. It’s looking at someone’s needs and seeing where you can make the easiest changes first without it being too overwhelming. " Actually I've found controlling my diet a lot harder than giving up smoking. You've got to eat you can't give it up. But my weight often reflects my mental health, when it's good I'm slimmer when it's not I'm bigger. Sometimes knowing you should loose x amount of stone is daunting as you say. It's about changing mindset, and not thinking about loosing weight but doing things that make you feel better. | |||
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Lu  | |||
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"So firstly, no. I don't think being overweight should be celebrated. However, I think people should be celebrated for being exactly what and who they are, regardless of their weight. If my friend was unhappy with her weight, I would reassure her that she's gorgeous, again regardless of her weight, and try to make sure that IF she wanted to lose weight it was to become fitter/healthier and not because she thought being smaller was better or a direct route to being happy with herself. If she wanted to lose weight for the right reasons, I would, of course support her, offer advice and congratulate her at every opportunity whilst continuing to remind her that she's awesome JUST AS SHE IS. And would be at ANY size.
Lu "well said lu x | |||
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"But being overweight isn’t healthy though. That’s a fact it’s not a cosmetic thing. They banned smoking ads because it’s not healthy so I personally don’t believe being overweight should be celebrated or encouraged, I don’t see the logic in encouraging someone to have health or mobility problems and a shortened life. I’m overweight myself but I can’t moan about it because my weight and size could be someone else’s target weight. I know personally what I’m able to achieve and I know at the moment I’m carrying visceral fat around my mid section because I haven’t been eating well lately. It’s only the last couple of days that I’ve said enough now and started making adjustments to my meals again. If someone is overweight and says they are unhappy with their weight I see no benefit in telling them that they’re perfect the way they are and leaving them to it. I’d say I’m feeling that way too, let’s make some changes. " Who is celebrating it though Annie? I don't celebrate the fact I'm fat, it's actually something that makes me concious and makes me feel ashamed. Yes it's easy to say I should eat xyz I get that. But as I previously mentioned a lot of it is to do with my mental health. Yeah of course I'm not perfect nobody bloody is. But I don't moan about being fat it's my choices that have made me the size I am. But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal | |||
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I've put on almost 5 stone since my operation yet eat far less than before. Rhiannon has added 3st. She also has severe fibromyalgia and this makes exercise very difficult.
So I would say be accepting of us larger folk. Sometimes it's beyond our control. We are still loving , sexual and often very horny people and deserve to be seen in that light rather than just as fat people | |||
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"So firstly, no. I don't think being overweight should be celebrated. However, I think people should be celebrated for being exactly what and who they are, regardless of their weight. If my friend was unhappy with her weight, I would reassure her that she's gorgeous, again regardless of her weight, and try to make sure that IF she wanted to lose weight it was to become fitter/healthier and not because she thought being smaller was better or a direct route to being happy with herself. If she wanted to lose weight for the right reasons, I would, of course support her, offer advice and congratulate her at every opportunity whilst continuing to remind her that she's awesome JUST AS SHE IS. And would be at ANY size.
Lu "But weight loss when you’ve been overweight does have a direct correlation with being healthier feeling better and more confident. Exercise is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that are produced when you work out. Say there was a pill that if you took it over the course of 3 days you had big massive poo’s and all your fat came off, leaving no excess skin, no stretch marks, has no negative impacts on your health it’s just a pill, you take it and over the course of 3 days each time you go to the toilet your fat comes off and leaves you with your boobs and bum and a toned size 12 body or size 8 (whatever size would suit your height) Would people take it or would they really be happy to stay being overweight? | |||
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"So firstly, no. I don't think being overweight should be celebrated. However, I think people should be celebrated for being exactly what and who they are, regardless of their weight. If my friend was unhappy with her weight, I would reassure her that she's gorgeous, again regardless of her weight, and try to make sure that IF she wanted to lose weight it was to become fitter/healthier and not because she thought being smaller was better or a direct route to being happy with herself. If she wanted to lose weight for the right reasons, I would, of course support her, offer advice and congratulate her at every opportunity whilst continuing to remind her that she's awesome JUST AS SHE IS. And would be at ANY size.
Lu
But weight loss when you’ve been overweight does have a direct correlation with being healthier feeling better and more confident.
Exercise is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that are produced when you work out.
Say there was a pill that if you took it over the course of 3 days you had big massive poo’s and all your fat came off, leaving no excess skin, no stretch marks, has no negative impacts on your health it’s just a pill, you take it and over the course of 3 days each time you go to the toilet your fat comes off and leaves you with your boobs and bum and a toned size 12 body or size 8 (whatever size would suit your height) Would people take it or would they really be happy to stay being overweight?
"I so want that pill! Because it cures my biggest problem, laziness. It's the only reason I am overweight, and I know it (well maybe not the only reason, but a major factor)!  | |||
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"So firstly, no. I don't think being overweight should be celebrated. However, I think people should be celebrated for being exactly what and who they are, regardless of their weight. If my friend was unhappy with her weight, I would reassure her that she's gorgeous, again regardless of her weight, and try to make sure that IF she wanted to lose weight it was to become fitter/healthier and not because she thought being smaller was better or a direct route to being happy with herself. If she wanted to lose weight for the right reasons, I would, of course support her, offer advice and congratulate her at every opportunity whilst continuing to remind her that she's awesome JUST AS SHE IS. And would be at ANY size.
Lu
But weight loss when you’ve been overweight does have a direct correlation with being healthier feeling better and more confident.
Exercise is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that are produced when you work out.
Say there was a pill that if you took it over the course of 3 days you had big massive poo’s and all your fat came off, leaving no excess skin, no stretch marks, has no negative impacts on your health it’s just a pill, you take it and over the course of 3 days each time you go to the toilet your fat comes off and leaves you with your boobs and bum and a toned size 12 body or size 8 (whatever size would suit your height) Would people take it or would they really be happy to stay being overweight? "Actually, I'm fairly fit, still overweight and happy. I'm me, just being me and will stay that way. No such thing as magic pills | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal " 
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy. | |||
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"So firstly, no. I don't think being overweight should be celebrated. However, I think people should be celebrated for being exactly what and who they are, regardless of their weight. If my friend was unhappy with her weight, I would reassure her that she's gorgeous, again regardless of her weight, and try to make sure that IF she wanted to lose weight it was to become fitter/healthier and not because she thought being smaller was better or a direct route to being happy with herself. If she wanted to lose weight for the right reasons, I would, of course support her, offer advice and congratulate her at every opportunity whilst continuing to remind her that she's awesome JUST AS SHE IS. And would be at ANY size.
Lu
But weight loss when you’ve been overweight does have a direct correlation with being healthier feeling better and more confident.
Exercise is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that are produced when you work out.
Say there was a pill that if you took it over the course of 3 days you had big massive poo’s and all your fat came off, leaving no excess skin, no stretch marks, has no negative impacts on your health it’s just a pill, you take it and over the course of 3 days each time you go to the toilet your fat comes off and leaves you with your boobs and bum and a toned size 12 body or size 8 (whatever size would suit your height) Would people take it or would they really be happy to stay being overweight? "I've been every size from a 10 to a 26. I feel most confident with my body at around a size 18. My self esteem is at it's best when my mental health is. Working out and eating well make my mental health better...i do it for that reason and to feel strong and fit. I personally have no desire to be slim and know a tonne of other bigger ladies who feel the same. I also don't see stretch marks as ugly things, same goes for cellulite, fat rolls and anything else similar. I don't believe those things can take or give a person confidence. I'd flush your pill I'm afraid and I'd do my best to convince others to do the same. I'd encourage them to work out, eat well and work on growing their confidence and I'd offer to hold their hand the entire way! I stand by what I said. WEIGHT doesn't define a person and being a specific weight won't give instant confidence. Lu | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy. "I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves "Ah I should have green arrowed. Thank you! | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy. "My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men. Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves "Actually, she didn't mention her weight, she mentioned the word fat when describing herself. She also didn't say that her fatness was her reason for her insecurities/self consciousness. Lu | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy. "This | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves
Actually, she didn't mention her weight, she mentioned the word fat when describing herself.
She also didn't say that her fatness was her reason for her insecurities/self consciousness.
Lu " | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves
Actually, she didn't mention her weight, she mentioned the word fat when describing herself.
She also didn't say that her fatness was her reason for her insecurities/self consciousness.
Lu
"I hope that's your eyes rolling back to reread it... Merely stating a fact | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt. "Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that. I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost. You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts. (If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips.  ) | |||
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"This is a cheery place today. It's enough to make a fat disabled git like me want to hibernate and never come out. Good job I'm WFH until fuck knows when, no need to expose my hideousness to the world "Please don't allow stuff like this to make you feel that way!
This is EXACTLY why we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down! | |||
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"I think sometimes its better to listen rather than advise. " Though I know and understand this, I really struggle to not try and "solve" things for people. I think generally women seem better at just listening. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves
Actually, she didn't mention her weight, she mentioned the word fat when describing herself.
She also didn't say that her fatness was her reason for her insecurities/self consciousness.
Lu
I hope that's your eyes rolling back to reread it...
Merely stating a fact "So you don’t believe that someone saying I feel like an unconfident twat that’s covered in layers and layers of fat and self consciousness has any links to them being unhappy with their weight? | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
I think the thread came about as a result of someone else citing their weight as a reason they weren't happy with themselves
Actually, she didn't mention her weight, she mentioned the word fat when describing herself.
She also didn't say that her fatness was her reason for her insecurities/self consciousness.
Lu
I hope that's your eyes rolling back to reread it...
Merely stating a fact
So you don’t believe that someone saying I feel like an unconfident twat that’s covered in layers and layers of fat and self consciousness has any links to them being unhappy with their weight? "Speaking as the person in questions friend, having spoken to them for HOURS on that subject over the time I've known them, no. And she didn't mention the word weight in her comment and if I weren't her friend and had already discussed it with her I wouldn't assume. | |||
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"This is a cheery place today. It's enough to make a fat disabled git like me want to hibernate and never come out. Good job I'm WFH until fuck knows when, no need to expose my hideousness to the world
Please don't allow stuff like this to make you feel that way!
This is EXACTLY why we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down! "It's a shit day in general. I'd very much like to go to wheelchair basketball training tonight but..... lockdown. My garden is not suitable for anything other than shooting hoops. I've had gynae surgery and told not to go to the gym till Jan (that advice started August) nor have I been allowed to go out pushing my usual 5-10k with the running club. And I've had to WFH, I use crutches in the house. How the fuck am I meant to lose weight? I've lost a certain amount through acquiring my wheelchair and that has ENABLED me to exercise, but all those options have gone for now. I do feel awful. I want to go out but I live in a very hilly area and my urogynaecologist doesn't want me to wreck my mended vagina by over exerting my pelvic floor. It's not as straightforward as many people think. And no, I don't use a wheelchair because I'm fat. My mobility was 100% normal before my 2nd pregnancy and it was my shabby gynaecological anatomy that really fucked things up. Seems it's genetic predisposition to the uterus trying to exit the body | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )"And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it. | |||
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"This is a cheery place today. It's enough to make a fat disabled git like me want to hibernate and never come out. Good job I'm WFH until fuck knows when, no need to expose my hideousness to the world
Please don't allow stuff like this to make you feel that way!
This is EXACTLY why we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down!
It's a shit day in general. I'd very much like to go to wheelchair basketball training tonight but..... lockdown. My garden is not suitable for anything other than shooting hoops. I've had gynae surgery and told not to go to the gym till Jan (that advice started August) nor have I been allowed to go out pushing my usual 5-10k with the running club. And I've had to WFH, I use crutches in the house. How the fuck am I meant to lose weight? I've lost a certain amount through acquiring my wheelchair and that has ENABLED me to exercise, but all those options have gone for now. I do feel awful. I want to go out but I live in a very hilly area and my urogynaecologist doesn't want me to wreck my mended vagina by over exerting my pelvic floor.
It's not as straightforward as many people think.
And no, I don't use a wheelchair because I'm fat. My mobility was 100% normal before my 2nd pregnancy and it was my shabby gynaecological anatomy that really fucked things up. Seems it's genetic predisposition to the uterus trying to exit the body "Totally relatable! Endometriosis has make it impossible for me to work out and I've gained about 5 stone over the past 2 and a bit years! I hope things get a little easier for you soon | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
"You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism. They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
"To you it's bluntness an you can clearly take it. However, to others it would be harsh and uncaring and could be what pushes them over the edge and binge eat. I'm not saying you're a cunt or anything else. But just because it works for you doesn't mean it will for someone else | |||
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"This is a cheery place today. It's enough to make a fat disabled git like me want to hibernate and never come out. Good job I'm WFH until fuck knows when, no need to expose my hideousness to the world "You know what I wrote a really really long reply and then decided to just not bother some people are one minded so it’s easier to just keep my thoughts to myself. Keep smiling lovely and show off that luscious body From a fat friend  | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
To you it's bluntness an you can clearly take it. However, to others it would be harsh and uncaring and could be what pushes them over the edge and binge eat. I'm not saying you're a cunt or anything else. But just because it works for you doesn't mean it will for someone else "Exactly! I just think it's more productive to just be kind. | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" I think it's a thin line between celebrating it and encouraging people to be healthy. Pretty much anything said will piss people off. Depends on my friend as to whether I'd offer help. Some people just want shite comments like "oh you look fine, eat more cake honey!!" But I find that those comments are usually from people trying to sabotage my attempts at success. | |||
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"I think that low self regard and self esteem is ultimately a greater health problem than excess weight for most people. And low self regard can worsen health issues. I think we encourage others to believe in themselves and be able to take care of themselves psychologically. To love themselves. That's healthy. Whether weight loss follows or not, that would be of enormous benefit to everyone." Definitely this. | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too? I think it's a thin line between celebrating it and encouraging people to be healthy. Pretty much anything said will piss people off. Depends on my friend as to whether I'd offer help. Some people just want shite comments like "oh you look fine, eat more cake honey!!" But I find that those comments are usually from people trying to sabotage my attempts at success. " I have a very good friend who gives it to me straight,I appreciate it because I know she's saying I'm putting on weight because she wants to help me | |||
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"I think that low self regard and self esteem is ultimately a greater health problem than excess weight for most people. And low self regard can worsen health issues. I think we encourage others to believe in themselves and be able to take care of themselves psychologically. To love themselves. That's healthy. Whether weight loss follows or not, that would be of enormous benefit to everyone." Spot on | |||
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"This is a cheery place today. It's enough to make a fat disabled git like me want to hibernate and never come out. Good job I'm WFH until fuck knows when, no need to expose my hideousness to the world
You know what I wrote a really really long reply and then decided to just not bother some people are one minded so it’s easier to just keep my thoughts to myself. Keep smiling lovely and show off that luscious body
From a fat friend "Thank you | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less. "You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.  | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
"I thought we had...and then this thread popped up. And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight. Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders... Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more. I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others.... But we're not working off facts here... Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for. This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad. I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad. We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
"Thank you for ruining my keyboard...... I spit my coffee out... You expected bluntness and hard truth on the forums...... I’m give you some advice.... if you say something negative to anyone it’s now called shaming.... I was accused of credit shaming someone for denying them a mortgage..... So the way forward now is to just ghost people | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think someone mentions being unhappy with their weight, that isn't the same as them asking for help or advice, they could simply be venting their thoughts and feelings. So I'd consider advice in that scenario to be unsolicited and possibly unappreciated. I'd say the better thing to do is save any advice until its actually asked for. " Agree 100% | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
Thank you for ruining my keyboard...... I spit my coffee out... You expected bluntness and hard truth on the forums......
I’m give you some advice.... if you say something negative to anyone it’s now called shaming....
I was accused of credit shaming someone for denying them a mortgage.....
So the way forward now is to just ghost people "It's only shaming if you say it with the intent of making someone feel ashamed. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think someone mentions being unhappy with their weight, that isn't the same as them asking for help or advice, they could simply be venting their thoughts and feelings. So I'd consider advice in that scenario to be unsolicited and possibly unappreciated. I'd say the better thing to do is save any advice until its actually asked for. Agree 100% "Yes. People are aware of their weight. We don't live under rocks. It's hard to come to terms with, to face. And often unsolicited advice feels like - and sometimes is - just crappy concern trolling. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion. "Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed. From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"It shouldn't be anything to anyone else... Less people would be overweight and have crappy relationships with food if weight was never an issue or our self worth and attractiveness wasn't based almost solely on this, just to flog shit to poor souls that believe it. It shouldn't be celebrated nor condemned. " and she drops the mic and walks out!!! So well said | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I don’t think it’s right to celebrate fat, but promoting body positivity is something good to do. Most of us know we’re fat, we know how bad it is for our health, but however people think they’re being kind with well meaning words along the lines of dietary advice (unsolicited) then it often comes across as a criticism. We are often self critical and suffer with low self esteem so we take it to heart. This then causes many of us to spiral down into bad eating habits and feel worse. Plus for many of us, it’s usually advice that’s given by well meaning skinny minnies (not aimed at anyone personally) but we all have one of those “friends “. I have put some weight on over the last year, but changes in my health started it off, and now a worsening of my health is making me address it. But it’s something I will do for me, and not because my body size and shape offends others. But we rock ladies, whatever size or shape you are. Sexy is about the person, look at Marilyn Monroe and Diana Doors , both oozed sex appeal yet wasn’t the ideal size so promoted. X " Yeh but Marilyn and Diana were probably a size 12 not a size 24, I think there's a bit of a difference lol. There seems to be more in the media about having "plus size" models and how it represents society, but to me it's just a poor indictment of our society that we think being overweight is normal. Everyone got annoyed at super skinny models because it promoted unhealthy body images, how is this any different? Anyone who is overweight or obese should really consider if they are actually happy or not. If someone who is a size 20 is happy today in their body at the age of 35, they sure as hell won't be happy at the age of 50 when they have joint pain, type 2 diabetes and breathing problems. Human beings have a destructive relationship with refined sugar unfortunately and it shouldn't be normalised. Otherwise god help the NHS in the future. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" So the way forward now is to just ghost people It's only shaming if you say it with the intent of making someone feel ashamed. " Very difficult to know the intent of a statement, particularly on a rather anonymous forum. Even if it's dressed up and proclaimed to be non-judgemental and constructive. Only one person knows the true intent, and they may not really recognise what they were doing or why. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
Thank you for ruining my keyboard...... I spit my coffee out... You expected bluntness and hard truth on the forums......
I’m give you some advice.... if you say something negative to anyone it’s now called shaming....
I was accused of credit shaming someone for denying them a mortgage.....
So the way forward now is to just ghost people
It's only shaming if you say it with the intent of making someone feel ashamed. "Never.... I’m a capitalist, I wanted to give them the loan.... I was just shocked they told a family member, I credit shamed them..... | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
"You can say/do whatever you please... I'm not here to tell you what to do. I merely shared what I do and why. I don't need to make you out to be something you're not...your comments speak for themselves, nothing you've said has shocked me. But as I say to anyone offended by something I've said, as I never intend to offend...if the shoe fits, lace it up | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"It shouldn't be anything to anyone else... Less people would be overweight and have crappy relationships with food if weight was never an issue or our self worth and attractiveness wasn't based almost solely on this, just to flog shit to poor souls that believe it. It shouldn't be celebrated nor condemned. " This! Whenever I've tried to lose weight before it's because I've thought I should look a certain way and I've wanted to be able to wear certain clothes. And I've always failed. This time it's because I've finally realised it's the best thing for my health, both physical and mental, and that it should be my responsibility to take care of myself. Nothing to do with appearance (I'm actually more body confident than I've ever been, funnily enough). And this time I'm down 47 lbs - most weight I've ever managed to lose. Many more lbs to go though  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
"Quoting from the other thread "I'm basically an insecure, not confident twat wrapped in layers and layers of fat and self consciousness." I don't see anyone complaining or moaning, only saying how they felt. And there is no mention of being overweight or that loosing weight would in fact increase their confidence. The person in question could have a face like a slapped arse for all we know. I know the original poster doesn't she's in fact got a beautiful face. But you've made assumptions and now you're lashing out with comments about mars bars  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
"No no just give them forum hugs...... | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" I would offer some friendly advice on how to lose weight by making small lifestyle changes. Nobody wants to see a friend unhappy so if i can help and encourage them in any way i will. That is what friends are for. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" I like to smoke and i like a beer now and then. But would I celebrate it? No! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too? I would offer some friendly advice on how to lose weight by making small lifestyle changes. Nobody wants to see a friend unhappy so if i can help and encourage them in any way i will. That is what friends are for." The friends who have helped me lose weight the most have been the ones who have given me mental health and motivation tips, not diet tips. Just saying | |||
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"Not all fat people like Mars bars! I prefer a Kinder Bueno "Slab of galaxy for me | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too? I would offer some friendly advice on how to lose weight by making small lifestyle changes. Nobody wants to see a friend unhappy so if i can help and encourage them in any way i will. That is what friends are for." A real friend loves what they think you will be not the way you are now and encourages you. Same goes for a partner. | |||
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"It shouldn't be anything to anyone else... Less people would be overweight and have crappy relationships with food if weight was never an issue or our self worth and attractiveness wasn't based almost solely on this, just to flog shit to poor souls that believe it. It shouldn't be celebrated nor condemned. This! Whenever I've tried to lose weight before it's because I've thought I should look a certain way and I've wanted to be able to wear certain clothes. And I've always failed. This time it's because I've finally realised it's the best thing for my health, both physical and mental, and that it should be my responsibility to take care of myself. Nothing to do with appearance (I'm actually more body confident than I've ever been, funnily enough). And this time I'm down 47 lbs - most weight I've ever managed to lose. Many more lbs to go though "Much love xx | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
"Wow. Just wow! I didn't see the other thread, but if, as can be read from the comments here, the person did not ask for weight loss advice. Therefore, providing it could cause more hurt/negative feelings. Maybe treat it like not commenting on someone's profile, unless they specifically ask for it. ie. Against the rules | |||
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"I don’t think being overweight should be celebrated, but I don’t think anyone should be made to feel bad either. I’m very overweight for various reasons, and whilst I’d like to have a different body type, I don’t. It’s very important for me to love myself as I am and not to feel ashamed of my body and the things I can’t change. It’s very hard to actually get to that place. Being made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of your body is awful and can have a huge impact on your life in lots of ways. If I wanted to lose weight my friends would support me. If they crossed the line into telling me what I should/shouldn’t be eating or being critical then I’d set them straight. No one needs that. There are some beautiful overweight people, and some not so attractive. Same goes for thin people. Each one is as important and valuable as the others, no one is better than the other. " Here, here! Xx | |||
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Hugs all round from Miss "used to be a size 26, went to a size 4, now almost happy with a size 10 but would rather be a size 14". X
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
Wow. Just wow!
I didn't see the other thread, but if, as can be read from the comments here, the person did not ask for weight loss advice. Therefore, providing it could cause more hurt/negative feelings.
Maybe treat it like not commenting on someone's profile, unless they specifically ask for it. ie. Against the rules"Then use the green arrow next to my name and search for the thread called ‘almost to good looking’ search half way down the thread to find my original comments and then decide for yourself if I was looking to hurt someone’s feelings. | |||
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"I'm I'm feeling miserable show me some love and kindness. I know a false compliment but I also don't need my own negative thoughts reinforced with weight loss tips. I know I'm overweight. I'm fully aware it's my own doing. However it's far better to premote self acceptance over self loathing. Body positivity is great but it's still just a body. I'm a person. There's more to me than my dress size. Let's celebrate that " | |||
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"I'm I'm feeling miserable show me some love and kindness. I know a false compliment but I also don't need my own negative thoughts reinforced with weight loss tips. I know I'm overweight. I'm fully aware it's my own doing. However it's far better to premote self acceptance over self loathing. Body positivity is great but it's still just a body. I'm a person. There's more to me than my dress size. Let's celebrate that " Well said | |||
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"It shouldn't be anything to anyone else... Less people would be overweight and have crappy relationships with food if weight was never an issue or our self worth and attractiveness wasn't based almost solely on this, just to flog shit to poor souls that believe it. It shouldn't be celebrated nor condemned. This! Whenever I've tried to lose weight before it's because I've thought I should look a certain way and I've wanted to be able to wear certain clothes. And I've always failed. This time it's because I've finally realised it's the best thing for my health, both physical and mental, and that it should be my responsibility to take care of myself. Nothing to do with appearance (I'm actually more body confident than I've ever been, funnily enough). And this time I'm down 47 lbs - most weight I've ever managed to lose. Many more lbs to go though
Much love xx"Thank you lovely | |||
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"I don't care how big or small you are. Treat me ok and I'll be nice with you. Don't care what others think." This I can get on board with, Patrick | |||
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"It shouldn't be anything to anyone else... Less people would be overweight and have crappy relationships with food if weight was never an issue or our self worth and attractiveness wasn't based almost solely on this, just to flog shit to poor souls that believe it. It shouldn't be celebrated nor condemned. This! Whenever I've tried to lose weight before it's because I've thought I should look a certain way and I've wanted to be able to wear certain clothes. And I've always failed. This time it's because I've finally realised it's the best thing for my health, both physical and mental, and that it should be my responsibility to take care of myself. Nothing to do with appearance (I'm actually more body confident than I've ever been, funnily enough). And this time I'm down 47 lbs - most weight I've ever managed to lose. Many more lbs to go though
Much love xx
Thank you lovely "My weight loss began when I had the head space to reduce food as a coping mechanism. When I got healthier psychologically, when I loved myself. I'm not saying weight loss is a goal for some or all, I think that's become toxic and should be set to one side. But it's my path. I've learned to love my body, and weight loss (and fitness in my case) came as a side effect. Love yourself and each other. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
Wow. Just wow!
I didn't see the other thread, but if, as can be read from the comments here, the person did not ask for weight loss advice. Therefore, providing it could cause more hurt/negative feelings.
Maybe treat it like not commenting on someone's profile, unless they specifically ask for it. ie. Against the rules
Then use the green arrow next to my name and search for the thread called ‘almost to good looking’ search half way down the thread to find my original comments and then decide for yourself if I was looking to hurt someone’s feelings. "I really didn’t see the issue with what was said .I thought you gave good advice some of which I will probably use myself. There was nothing snide or underhand with anything that was said .Maybe it’s the situation going on with life in general at the minute but I just think people are being over sensitive. | |||
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"Let's make it clear this is the quote from the other thread "I'm always amazed whenever anyone takes the time to talk to me. I'm basically an insecure, not confident twat wrapped in layers and layers of fat and self consciousness. I don't agree with the idea of leagues but I do find it hard to believe that the sexy people in my inbox actually want me" Nowhere has the poster asked for advice or has moaned about their weight. Only have her own feelings on the subject of not feeling good enough. " it's not that hard to see is it? | |||
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"It shouldn't be anything to anyone else... Less people would be overweight and have crappy relationships with food if weight was never an issue or our self worth and attractiveness wasn't based almost solely on this, just to flog shit to poor souls that believe it. It shouldn't be celebrated nor condemned. This! Whenever I've tried to lose weight before it's because I've thought I should look a certain way and I've wanted to be able to wear certain clothes. And I've always failed. This time it's because I've finally realised it's the best thing for my health, both physical and mental, and that it should be my responsibility to take care of myself. Nothing to do with appearance (I'm actually more body confident than I've ever been, funnily enough). And this time I'm down 47 lbs - most weight I've ever managed to lose. Many more lbs to go though
Much love xx
Thank you lovely
My weight loss began when I had the head space to reduce food as a coping mechanism. When I got healthier psychologically, when I loved myself.
I'm not saying weight loss is a goal for some or all, I think that's become toxic and should be set to one side. But it's my path. I've learned to love my body, and weight loss (and fitness in my case) came as a side effect.
Love yourself and each other."100% agree. I experimented a lot with prolonged fasting before cutting out carbs and sugar. The fasting helped me realise I could deal with my emotions and boredom with ways other than eating, and cutting out sugar helped me stop craving it. I wouldn't have been able to do these things if I had solely focused on weight loss, rather than how I was feeling. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
Wow. Just wow!
I didn't see the other thread, but if, as can be read from the comments here, the person did not ask for weight loss advice. Therefore, providing it could cause more hurt/negative feelings.
Maybe treat it like not commenting on someone's profile, unless they specifically ask for it. ie. Against the rules
Then use the green arrow next to my name and search for the thread called ‘almost to good looking’ search half way down the thread to find my original comments and then decide for yourself if I was looking to hurt someone’s feelings. I really didn’t see the issue with what was said .I thought you gave good advice some of which I will probably use myself. There was nothing snide or underhand with anything that was said
.Maybe it’s the situation going on with life in general at the minute but I just think people are being over sensitive."I don’t feel like I gave unsolicited advice. I saw someone say and I’ll quote verbatim “I’m basically an unconfident twat that’s covered in layers and layers of fat and self consciousness” When I read that I thought shit, no one should feel like that, I wrote how sugar is the cause of fat (not actual fat like people think) I said I’m happy to give a 6 day meal plan IF THATS SOMETHING YOUD LIKE? I had a response saying thanks for my support. I then said about my own relationship with food and how I’m an emotional eater, explained that it’s boy just about changing your diet it’s about being in a good space in your head to be able to make changes to your diet and also said I’m around if this is something you want advice with. Then all that shit came about saying my comment was shitty and uncalled for. That’s it in a nutshell. The thread is there for anyone to read and see for themselves if I was being nasty or unkind. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
Wow. Just wow!
I didn't see the other thread, but if, as can be read from the comments here, the person did not ask for weight loss advice. Therefore, providing it could cause more hurt/negative feelings.
Maybe treat it like not commenting on someone's profile, unless they specifically ask for it. ie. Against the rules
Then use the green arrow next to my name and search for the thread called ‘almost to good looking’ search half way down the thread to find my original comments and then decide for yourself if I was looking to hurt someone’s feelings. I really didn’t see the issue with what was said .I thought you gave good advice some of which I will probably use myself. There was nothing snide or underhand with anything that was said
.Maybe it’s the situation going on with life in general at the minute but I just think people are being over sensitive."I don't think there was any bad intention with what was said but maybe it would have been better not to post the advice on a public forum as it can feel quite patronising and embarrassing. I think a better approach would have been to PM the person in question and ask whether they might need any advice. | |||
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"I am very overweight and have a few health issues because of it but that’s my fault no one forced mince pies in my mouth! But what I really hate is when I’m having a whinge about being fat or more like the problems it causes is when people say ‘oh you’re not fat’ yes I know they’re trying to be kind but I just find it patronising, personally I just want someone to listen to me rant about it and say yeah I can see it pisses you off let me know if there’s anything I can do to help "This this and a thousand times this. It's like telling someone whose sad to smile. It's blinking pointless, asking what can I do to help is far more productive xxxx | |||
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It puts a Tremendous strain on your heart...not only that it puts a strain on your whole body including vital organs.
And yes of course I'd support a friend by subtely encouraging them to get into a more healthy life style. But one has to be careful with their approach...I said it to a friend before as in ``jeez you've gained weight and it doesn't suit you``, I had the best of intentions but unfortunately we fell out over my comment. I always thought I could say anything to her as in constructive critism. I didn't mean to insult her in anyway but hey she took it up the wrong way and just got heavier
  #think before I speak...lesson learnt | |||
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"I am very overweight and have a few health issues because of it but that’s my fault no one forced mince pies in my mouth! But what I really hate is when I’m having a whinge about being fat or more like the problems it causes is when people say ‘oh you’re not fat’ yes I know they’re trying to be kind but I just find it patronising, personally I just want someone to listen to me rant about it and say yeah I can see it pisses you off let me know if there’s anything I can do to help
This this and a thousand times this.
It's like telling someone whose sad to smile. It's blinking pointless, asking what can I do to help is far more productive xxxx"Heck yes | |||
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"I am very overweight and have a few health issues because of it but that’s my fault no one forced mince pies in my mouth! But what I really hate is when I’m having a whinge about being fat or more like the problems it causes is when people say ‘oh you’re not fat’ yes I know they’re trying to be kind but I just find it patronising, personally I just want someone to listen to me rant about it and say yeah I can see it pisses you off let me know if there’s anything I can do to help
This this and a thousand times this.
It's like telling someone whose sad to smile. It's blinking pointless, asking what can I do to help is far more productive xxxx"Agreed. I've had the experience of someone being complimentary to my face and then a dick about my size behind my back - I'd much rather someone gave me real genuine support and love than put on a nice facade of it because it looks good. One of my good friends is incredibly blunt with me, if I ask her a question she'll answer it honestly and I like that about her. It's not nicey nicey for the sake of it. *I do realise the poster and OP don't have that level of friendship where that's the case. | |||
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"I am very overweight and have a few health issues because of it but that’s my fault no one forced mince pies in my mouth! But what I really hate is when I’m having a whinge about being fat or more like the problems it causes is when people say ‘oh you’re not fat’ yes I know they’re trying to be kind but I just find it patronising, personally I just want someone to listen to me rant about it and say yeah I can see it pisses you off let me know if there’s anything I can do to help
This this and a thousand times this.
It's like telling someone whose sad to smile. It's blinking pointless, asking what can I do to help is far more productive xxxx"It's great when you find someone who genuinely wants to help a lot of the time when people talk about others' bodies it comes across almost accusatory, like you must be an awful person to be doing something so morally wrong as being "too thin" or "too big". I always feel like I need to defend myself, because the way people talk about these things can often feel like an attack. If people who have issues around food, whether that be overindulgence or restriction, were actually encouraged to speak about their troubles and find ways to work through them instead of having to constantly defend themselves, it might go a long way to getting a lot of people to a healthier stage in their lives. | |||
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"Being over-weight should never ever be celebrated...
It puts a Tremendous strain on your heart...not only that it puts a strain on your whole body including vital organs.
And yes of course I'd support a friend by subtely encouraging them to get into a more healthy life style. But one has to be careful with their approach...I said it to a friend before as in ``jeez you've gained weight and it doesn't suit you``, I had the best of intentions but unfortunately we fell out over my comment. I always thought I could say anything to her as in constructive critism. I didn't mean to insult her in anyway but hey she took it up the wrong way and just got heavier
#think before I speak...lesson learnt"My friends ask me to tell them when they’re getting fat and I do it and then help them get it back off. I know when I’m getting fat because I know what I eat, I had 3 weeks where the pepperamis were £2.30 for a pack of 5 in tesco and I was smashing 10 pepperamis a day. I know I can’t eat like that and stay slim but I gotta live with the extra weight until my mind changes and I can get back on track. I’m not trying to patronise anyone but I do know how to get weight off quickly. I used to have to cut 10lbs in days for fight weights. My sister loves the lip fillers and she’ll send me her new WhatsApp pic to ask for my opinion cos all her friends say it’s a lush picture and she looks lovely, I’ll look at it and say she looks like jaja binks off Star Wars. She even sends me the pic now anf specifically asks do I look Jaja? Cos she trusts that I’ll tell her the truth and that I only want her to look her best where her friends might like the fact that she looks stupid in a picture. | |||
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"I am very overweight and have a few health issues because of it but that’s my fault no one forced mince pies in my mouth! But what I really hate is when I’m having a whinge about being fat or more like the problems it causes is when people say ‘oh you’re not fat’ yes I know they’re trying to be kind but I just find it patronising, personally I just want someone to listen to me rant about it and say yeah I can see it pisses you off let me know if there’s anything I can do to help
This this and a thousand times this.
It's like telling someone whose sad to smile. It's blinking pointless, asking what can I do to help is far more productive xxxx
It's great when you find someone who genuinely wants to help a lot of the time when people talk about others' bodies it comes across almost accusatory, like you must be an awful person to be doing something so morally wrong as being "too thin" or "too big". I always feel like I need to defend myself, because the way people talk about these things can often feel like an attack. If people who have issues around food, whether that be overindulgence or restriction, were actually encouraged to speak about their troubles and find ways to work through them instead of having to constantly defend themselves, it might go a long way to getting a lot of people to a healthier stage in their lives. "Oh I so agree with you . My body has been my own battle ground I've been "too thin" and "too fat". Anyone who comments on my weight in anyway is hard for me to deal with. There are only a handful of people I would trust to give me advice. And I totally understand the defending myself comment. I'm slimmer than I have been in the past, so someone giving comments on how to loose weight, feels like a criticism, like do you not think I'm doing it right or enough. People should be wary of giving advice unless specifically asked for, you don't know where they are at on their journey with body image and weight loss | |||
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"Being over-weight should never ever be celebrated...
It puts a Tremendous strain on your heart...not only that it puts a strain on your whole body including vital organs.
And yes of course I'd support a friend by subtely encouraging them to get into a more healthy life style. But one has to be careful with their approach...I said it to a friend before as in ``jeez you've gained weight and it doesn't suit you``, I had the best of intentions but unfortunately we fell out over my comment. I always thought I could say anything to her as in constructive critism. I didn't mean to insult her in anyway but hey she took it up the wrong way and just got heavier
#think before I speak...lesson learnt
My friends ask me to tell them when they’re getting fat and I do it and then help them get it back off. I know when I’m getting fat because I know what I eat, I had 3 weeks where the pepperamis were £2.30 for a pack of 5 in tesco and I was smashing 10 pepperamis a day. I know I can’t eat like that and stay slim but I gotta live with the extra weight until my mind changes and I can get back on track. I’m not trying to patronise anyone but I do know how to get weight off quickly. I used to have to cut 10lbs in days for fight weights. My sister loves the lip fillers and she’ll send me her new WhatsApp pic to ask for my opinion cos all her friends say it’s a lush picture and she looks lovely, I’ll look at it and say she looks like jaja binks off Star Wars. She even sends me the pic now anf specifically asks do I look Jaja? Cos she trusts that I’ll tell her the truth and that I only want her to look her best where her friends might like the fact that she looks stupid in a picture. "To be fair though Annie, for people like myself who struggle with binge eating it's not just a few extra pepperamis per day that would have got me to the weight I am now. You can't really compare an extra snack every day to bingeing til you're sick and hate yourself because you feel depressed/angry/lonely. One can be dealt with by cutting back on pepperamis a little; the other usually needs to be dealt with in therapy. Although I'm too broke for therapy so I just use my friends and YouTube  | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
You say you like bluntness, but you don't seem to have liked my blunt and honest way of sharing my opinion/constructive criticism.
They person you advised, didn't ask for advise, or praise, or anything. It was unsolicited. That was the issue I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
You said you hated my comment and it was shitty of me to offer unsolicited weight loss advice. I don’t believe it was unsolicited to offer weightloss tips to someone who mentioned their weight in the same sentence as them being self conscious. We’ll have to agree to disagree.
I thought we had...and then this thread popped up.
And you've made out as though the person in question basically asked for your advice, she didn't. She didn't mention her weight.
Having body fat has nothing to do with weight necessarily, just look at bodybuilders...
Even after your first nugget of advise was met with a very minimal response, you then went on to offer more.
I gave my opinion. You didn't like it and have decided to collect others....
But we're not working off facts here...
Your advice was unsolicited and in my opinion a shitty thing to do to offer it in such a public way when it hadn't been asked for.
This has clearly offended you, but I simply have to speak up when I disagree with something that has the capacity to make others feel bad.
I don't believe you intended to make anyone feel bad, but I can guarantee this thread and some of the comments are making some people feel pretty shitty about themselves. That, to me, is sad.
We should all be celebrated regardless of our weight and our insecurities should never be reinforced by others. Just my opinion.
Then people really shouldn’t moan or complain about things on a public forum if they don’t want comments, help or advice on what they’ve expressed.
From now on if I see one person mentioning their weight in a negative way I’ll just say there there, have a mars bar.
Wow. Just wow!
I didn't see the other thread, but if, as can be read from the comments here, the person did not ask for weight loss advice. Therefore, providing it could cause more hurt/negative feelings.
Maybe treat it like not commenting on someone's profile, unless they specifically ask for it. ie. Against the rules
Then use the green arrow next to my name and search for the thread called ‘almost to good looking’ search half way down the thread to find my original comments and then decide for yourself if I was looking to hurt someone’s feelings. "Sorry I took so long to reply - bloody work! No, Annie. I don't think you're original comments were meant to offend. And they seemed to be accepted as such by the recipient. However, the mars bars comment was a bit much. But I think that was said out of frustration...? | |||
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I'm well able for it though, firstly because I'm confident and secondly I've learnt to grow a thicker skin from my Fab experience...but unfortunately some women aren't able for it and don't last long on here. I only lasted 5wks on my first Fab Profile.
Some narrow minded imbeciles assume just be cause I have a Big-Booty I'm over weight
 Not So...the weighing scales don't lie!!! | |||
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" Rule 1 - everyone is beautiful and there are no leagues of attractiveness... Rule 2 - Men that have sex with other men are not gay.... Rule 3 - UNDER NO MEANS MUST YOU SAY YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO BBW’S... Rule 4 - If a female complains about receiving abusive messages from men , telling her to block all single men is not suitable advice, and deemed victim blaming..... Rule 5 - married men playing away = scum of the earth. Married woman playing away = liberated independent woman... Rule 6 - Do not under any circumstances say you enjoy bareback sex.... Rule 7 - If male can’t accommodate = he is a cheater.. If a female can’t accommodate = she is wise for not bringing strangers into her home... Rule 8 - it’s perfectly okay to calling anyone that is slim/athletic a bag of bones and full of themselves..... Godspeed my friend, Godspeed " This made me laugh so much! | |||
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"I don’t want anyone to ever feel horrible about themselves or like they’re not good enough or have their feelings hurt. It’s the main motivation for me writing my book. But there is truth in the saying if you look good you’ll also feel good. Now looking good doesn’t have to be being super slim. It’s having clean hair, doing your make up or wearing a nice outfit. Going clothes shopping and being in the fitting room sweating your tits off trying to find an outfit and not being happy when you look in the mirror it’s gonna drag down your mood for the day. I wasn’t trying to suggest that someone should overnight change their diet because that would be impossible for even the most trained nutritionalists. You’ve got to be mentally in the right frame of mind. That’s why I was trying to be gentle with my advice, just give a little bit, saying about my own struggles with being an emotional eater but that I was around IF advice along the lines of weight loss is something someone wanted to do. It’s been completely blown out of proportion but I’ll stand by the fact that false compliments are more patronising than offering someone help that will actually change the thing they’re unhappy about. " False compliments are part of this site. My advice would be to never accept a compliment off a guy with a full ball bag on the tinternet but many do. | |||
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"I’ll give you some tips to stay on the right side of the clique..... Rule 1 - everyone is beautiful and there are no leagues of attractiveness... Rule 2 - Men that have sex with other men are not gay.... Rule 3 - UNDER NO MEANS MUST YOU SAY YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO BBW’S... Rule 4 - If a female complains about receiving abusive messages from men , telling her to block all single men is not suitable advice, and deemed victim blaming..... Rule 5 - married men playing away = scum of the earth. Married woman playing away = liberated independent woman... Rule 6 - Do not under any circumstances say you enjoy bareback sex.... Rule 7 - If male can’t accommodate = he is a cheater.. If a female can’t accommodate = she is wise for not bringing strangers into her home... Rule 8 - it’s perfectly okay to calling anyone that is slim/athletic a bag of bones and full of themselves..... Godspeed my friend, Godspeed " Made me laugh too! Well observed ... | |||
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"Is it right to celebrate being overweight? " Absolutely not! Speaking as a fat person, it is not anything to be celebrated and is dangerous to your health. But we all know that. Personally, I'm working on my weight. It's a slow hard process but in my case, is showing results. I'd like my weight to drop faster, but so long as it's dropping, I'm happy. In my case, while I'm sure there would be an aesthetic improvement in the eyes of some, I've still been found attractive by many. As a diabetic, I want my health to improve, and that's why I'm doing it. What we need to do as a society, and the fashion / beauty industry in particular, is remove the thoughts, ideas and notions that attractiveness and weight are proportional. They are not. As a photographer I've had the pleasure of photographing some incredibly beautiful women. Interestingly, one of the most beautiful women I ever photographed was so stunning, even straight women fancied her. I was showing my portfolio on a job once and they buyer stopped at her photo and stared for longer than necessary, continued through the portfolio and then turned back to her page and left it open for the rest of the meeting. She was at least a size 24... I was doing a shoot with too models, and for an outfit change one was to wear a skirt and the other trousers (yes, I often photographed women with their cloths on!) Between them, they decided who would wear the trousers. The trouser wearing model decided on them as they agreed she was fat. They were each a size 8 or 10. Sad... Sexy isn't a shape or size, it's an attitude. | |||
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" You’ve got to be mentally in the right frame of mind. That’s why I was trying to be gentle with my advice, just give a little bit, saying about my own struggles with being an emotional eater but that I was around IF advice along the lines of weight loss is something someone wanted to do. It’s been completely blown out of proportion but I’ll stand by the fact that false compliments are more patronising than offering someone help that will actually change the thing they’re unhappy about. " I've read both threads and I can't see anything wrong with your post Annie...I would have appreciated the practical advice if it were directed towards me, but I'm like you and prefer people to be blunt with me. I know I could do with losing a bit of weight, and I know I need to drop the amount of calories I eat to do it...I just lose my way a bit when it comes to finding tasty low calorie dinners...plain plain chicken and vegetables become really boring after a while | |||
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" You’ve got to be mentally in the right frame of mind. That’s why I was trying to be gentle with my advice, just give a little bit, saying about my own struggles with being an emotional eater but that I was around IF advice along the lines of weight loss is something someone wanted to do. It’s been completely blown out of proportion but I’ll stand by the fact that false compliments are more patronising than offering someone help that will actually change the thing they’re unhappy about. I've read both threads and I can't see anything wrong with your post Annie...I would have appreciated the practical advice if it were directed towards me, but I'm like you and prefer people to be blunt with me. I know I could do with losing a bit of weight, and I know I need to drop the amount of calories I eat to do it...I just lose my way a bit when it comes to finding tasty low calorie dinners...plain plain chicken and vegetables become really boring after a while "I dunno now if this is an invitation to give advice
I can share some of my own meals that I eat when I’m dropping fat.
I gotta go to a bonfire now but this evening I may do a thread where people can write down their favourite meals and I’ll write mine. People can read it if they want to then. Think that’s the best way. | |||
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"Is it right to celebrate being overweight? Absolutely not! Speaking as a fat person, it is not anything to be celebrated and is dangerous to your health. But we all know that. Personally, I'm working on my weight. It's a slow hard process but in my case, is showing results. I'd like my weight to drop faster, but so long as it's dropping, I'm happy. In my case, while I'm sure there would be an aesthetic improvement in the eyes of some, I've still been found attractive by many. As a diabetic, I want my health to improve, and that's why I'm doing it. What we need to do as a society, and the fashion / beauty industry in particular, is remove the thoughts, ideas and notions that attractiveness and weight are proportional. They are not. As a photographer I've had the pleasure of photographing some incredibly beautiful women. Interestingly, one of the most beautiful women I ever photographed was so stunning, even straight women fancied her. I was showing my portfolio on a job once and they buyer stopped at her photo and stared for longer than necessary, continued through the portfolio and then turned back to her page and left it open for the rest of the meeting. She was at least a size 24... I was doing a shoot with too models, and for an outfit change one was to wear a skirt and the other trousers (yes, I often photographed women with their cloths on!) Between them, they decided who would wear the trousers. The trouser wearing model decided on them as they agreed she was fat. They were each a size 8 or 10. Sad... Sexy isn't a shape or size, it's an attitude. " ``Sexy isn't a shape or size, it's an attitude`` ^^^^^^^ This ^^^^^^^ I agree 1000%. Some BBW are absolutely stunningly beautiful but unfortunately it's not good for your health to be `big`. | |||
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" You’ve got to be mentally in the right frame of mind. That’s why I was trying to be gentle with my advice, just give a little bit, saying about my own struggles with being an emotional eater but that I was around IF advice along the lines of weight loss is something someone wanted to do. It’s been completely blown out of proportion but I’ll stand by the fact that false compliments are more patronising than offering someone help that will actually change the thing they’re unhappy about. I've read both threads and I can't see anything wrong with your post Annie...I would have appreciated the practical advice if it were directed towards me, but I'm like you and prefer people to be blunt with me. I know I could do with losing a bit of weight, and I know I need to drop the amount of calories I eat to do it...I just lose my way a bit when it comes to finding tasty low calorie dinners...plain plain chicken and vegetables become really boring after a while
I dunno now if this is an invitation to give advice
I can share some of my own meals that I eat when I’m dropping fat.
I gotta go to a bonfire now but this evening I may do a thread where people can write down their favourite meals and I’ll write mine. People can read it if they want to then. Think that’s the best way. " I see your point
I would welcome advice and will keep an eye out for that thread | |||
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"I don’t want anyone to ever feel horrible about themselves or like they’re not good enough or have their feelings hurt. It’s the main motivation for me writing my book. But there is truth in the saying if you look good you’ll also feel good. Now looking good doesn’t have to be being super slim. It’s having clean hair, doing your make up or wearing a nice outfit. Going clothes shopping and being in the fitting room sweating your tits off trying to find an outfit and not being happy when you look in the mirror it’s gonna drag down your mood for the day. I wasn’t trying to suggest that someone should overnight change their diet because that would be impossible for even the most trained nutritionalists. You’ve got to be mentally in the right frame of mind. That’s why I was trying to be gentle with my advice, just give a little bit, saying about my own struggles with being an emotional eater but that I was around IF advice along the lines of weight loss is something someone wanted to do. It’s been completely blown out of proportion but I’ll stand by the fact that false compliments are more patronising than offering someone help that will actually change the thing they’re unhappy about. False compliments are part of this site. My advice would be to never accept a compliment off a guy with a full ball bag on the tinternet but many do. " I don't
But if women compliment me, I do accept it. I'm not bi, so I know they're not trying to get into my knickers | |||
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"I haven’t read any of the thread, but I’m going to jump to some wild conclusions, my first point being is I’ve learnt to never voice my opinion on these threads and secondly I think it’s vital people don’t hear what I’ve got to say on this issue, I think the science backs this up, look we all know what the data says, we known the risks and the health benefits and I don’t think we should. " Read the other thread damn you. Thought you were in the moose knuckles!? | |||
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"I realise that this has gone way beyond my original comment in answer to a question posed, but it is obviously something that as an overweight person I feel like I should respond to. Firstly, my comment was just as I have said. It was an answer to a question. I wasn't looking for compliments, which due to my personal issues I find difficult to accept or believe, I wasn't looking for advice, because I know what I can and can't do and the changes that need to be made, I'm 41 and have been dealing with my issues for a long time. I was just making a statement. I wasn't saying anything about my weight, just my fat and my lack of confidence. I had the same issues when I had lost a shit ton of weight and was a lot smaller. Saying that, I can see how the comment I made could be taken as Annie did and was not offended by the advice given, as much as it wasn't solicited. I also appreciate the spirit in which that was given. However, I do echo the comments that have been made that suggest that advice about weight should be held off on in the same way as profile advice, unless directly solicited maybe it shouldn't be given. Many people would have had a very different reaction to me and it could have, and has, made several people very upset. In answer to the OP here, no, being overweight should not be celebrated. But it should also not be judged or criticised, especially not by people who do not know the reasons behind it for any given person. This is true of being underweight as well, and that's a whole other can of worms. There is a not so fine line between false compliments and blowing smoke up someone's arse and genuinely thinking and believing the compliments you give, and unfortunately people can't always distinguish between the two, whichever way they are actually meant or taken. No one can say that being overweight, or underweight, is not often a health issue. But sometimes it just isn't. Some of the healthiest people I know are "overweight" and most of the unhealthiest people I know are considered to be a healthy weight. If it works for them, rock on. If not, they'll change it when they're ready and if they're never ready then fine. I think this has been blown all out of proportion, and perhaps would have been better if the comment made in the other post.... "I don't believe posh would want this much discussion around a comment she made so I ain't saying any more than if she wants any help or advice I'm around" .... had been the end of it, at least in the immediate moment" Well put posh, seeing as this thread was posted on the back of a comment you made. Bet you never thought it would cause so much controversy!!! Not blowing smoke up your arse but you are beautiful inside and out hugs | |||
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"I realise that this has gone way beyond my original comment in answer to a question posed, but it is obviously something that as an overweight person I feel like I should respond to. Firstly, my comment was just as I have said. It was an answer to a question. I wasn't looking for compliments, which due to my personal issues I find difficult to accept or believe, I wasn't looking for advice, because I know what I can and can't do and the changes that need to be made, I'm 41 and have been dealing with my issues for a long time. I was just making a statement. I wasn't saying anything about my weight, just my fat and my lack of confidence. I had the same issues when I had lost a shit ton of weight and was a lot smaller. Saying that, I can see how the comment I made could be taken as Annie did and was not offended by the advice given, as much as it wasn't solicited. I also appreciate the spirit in which that was given. However, I do echo the comments that have been made that suggest that advice about weight should be held off on in the same way as profile advice, unless directly solicited maybe it shouldn't be given. Many people would have had a very different reaction to me and it could have, and has, made several people very upset. In answer to the OP here, no, being overweight should not be celebrated. But it should also not be judged or criticised, especially not by people who do not know the reasons behind it for any given person. This is true of being underweight as well, and that's a whole other can of worms. There is a not so fine line between false compliments and blowing smoke up someone's arse and genuinely thinking and believing the compliments you give, and unfortunately people can't always distinguish between the two, whichever way they are actually meant or taken. No one can say that being overweight, or underweight, is not often a health issue. But sometimes it just isn't. Some of the healthiest people I know are "overweight" and most of the unhealthiest people I know are considered to be a healthy weight. If it works for them, rock on. If not, they'll change it when they're ready and if they're never ready then fine. I think this has been blown all out of proportion, and perhaps would have been better if the comment made in the other post.... "I don't believe posh would want this much discussion around a comment she made so I ain't saying any more than if she wants any help or advice I'm around" .... had been the end of it, at least in the immediate moment Well put posh, seeing as this thread was posted on the back of a comment you made. Bet you never thought it would cause so much controversy!!! Not blowing smoke up your arse but you are beautiful inside and out hugs "Agreed! And thank you Frida because I don't have the energy today to type out a reply of my today. | |||
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"I’ll give you some tips to stay on the right side of the clique..... Rule 1 - everyone is beautiful and there are no leagues of attractiveness... Rule 2 - Men that have sex with other men are not gay.... Rule 3 - UNDER NO MEANS MUST YOU SAY YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO BBW’S... Rule 4 - If a female complains about receiving abusive messages from men , telling her to block all single men is not suitable advice, and deemed victim blaming..... Rule 5 - married men playing away = scum of the earth. Married woman playing away = liberated independent woman... Rule 6 - Do not under any circumstances say you enjoy bareback sex.... Rule 7 - If male can’t accommodate = he is a cheater.. If a female can’t accommodate = she is wise for not bringing strangers into her home... Rule 8 - it’s perfectly okay to calling anyone that is slim/athletic a bag of bones and full of themselves..... Godspeed my friend, Godspeed Made me laugh too! Well observed ... "Same! And most of it is true! | |||
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"I'm overweight, I'm not celebrating it but I'm not hiding it either. Love you all on whatever part of the path you are on to body self acceptance " | |||
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"I'm overweight, I'm not celebrating it but I'm not hiding it either. Love you all on whatever part of the path you are on to body self acceptance " | |||
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"I'm overweight, I'm not celebrating it but I'm not hiding it either. Love you all on whatever part of the path you are on to body self acceptance " | |||
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"I'm overweight, I'm not celebrating it but I'm not hiding it either. Love you all on whatever part of the path you are on to body self acceptance " | |||
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"I'm overweight, I'm not celebrating it but I'm not hiding it either. Love you all on whatever part of the path you are on to body self acceptance "Lovely comment Frida and that photo oh my | |||
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"I don’t think it’s right to celebrate fat, but promoting body positivity is something good to do. Most of us know we’re fat, we know how bad it is for our health, but however people think they’re being kind with well meaning words along the lines of dietary advice (unsolicited) then it often comes across as a criticism. We are often self critical and suffer with low self esteem so we take it to heart. This then causes many of us to spiral down into bad eating habits and feel worse. Plus for many of us, it’s usually advice that’s given by well meaning skinny minnies (not aimed at anyone personally) but we all have one of those “friends “. I have put some weight on over the last year, but changes in my health started it off, and now a worsening of my health is making me address it. But it’s something I will do for me, and not because my body size and shape offends others. But we rock ladies, whatever size or shape you are. Sexy is about the person, look at Marilyn Monroe and Diana Doors , both oozed sex appeal yet wasn’t the ideal size so promoted. X Yeh but Marilyn and Diana were probably a size 12 not a size 24, I think there's a bit of a difference lol. There seems to be more in the media about having "plus size" models and how it represents society, but to me it's just a poor indictment of our society that we think being overweight is normal. Everyone got annoyed at super skinny models because it promoted unhealthy body images, how is this any different? Anyone who is overweight or obese should really consider if they are actually happy or not. If someone who is a size 20 is happy today in their body at the age of 35, they sure as hell won't be happy at the age of 50 when they have joint pain, type 2 diabetes and breathing problems. Human beings have a destructive relationship with refined sugar unfortunately and it shouldn't be normalised. Otherwise god help the NHS in the future. " Utter crap ,I neither have. diabetes or joint pain do don't put all over aged 35 people who are over weight in that bracket | |||
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"I’ve lost 3st, and I’m still overweight Do I want to lose more weight? No I’m comfortable in my skin and I like who I am. I go to the gym 4/5 a week or used to till today and I’m the fittest I’ve been for years Celebrate who you are not what you weigh " Hell yes | |||
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"I’ve lost 3st, and I’m still overweight Do I want to lose more weight? No I’m comfortable in my skin and I like who I am. I go to the gym 4/5 a week or used to till today and I’m the fittest I’ve been for years Celebrate who you are not what you weigh " | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" Help them improve lose weight and get healthy | |||
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"Celebrate who you are not what you weigh " This exactly! If you're larger and happy, nothing wrong with it. If you're larger and unhappy then only you can change that. Motivation has to start from within. Society is knackered enough without people being nasty to each other about someone's weight. | |||
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"Celebrate who you are not what you weigh This exactly! If you're larger and happy, nothing wrong with it. If you're larger and unhappy then only you can change that. Motivation has to start from within. Society is knackered enough without people being nasty to each other about someone's weight." Well said, Sir | |||
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"Depends on how it is done, telling me I'm overweight will more than likely make me feel crap and actually eat more. So even if your intentions were good you'd actually be making it worse for me. However, if I said I felt crap about being overweight. The best way to help me would be to ask me out for a walk. Once I've done something positive I'm more likely to do see myself positively and then look after myself better. Sometimes being honest isn't what someone needs to hear, I know I shouldn't eat that chocolate bar etc etc. I know I'm fat I've got eyes. What u need is reassurance I'm beautiful whatever my weight is, that is often enough to stop me comfort eating " This. Being overweight (or especially obese) is definitely not healthy. However, making people feel bad about it does not help, and in many cases makes the problem worse. It's something that must be handled very carefully and sensitively. | |||
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"Having been influenced by another discussion is it right to celebrate being overweight? If one of your friends said they were miserable because of their weight would you tell them that they’re perfect as they are or would you help them make some changes to improve their weight and in doing so improve their health too?" I would offer to help them in whatever way they themselves wanted it in a kind , understanding and considerate way | |||
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"But being overweight isn’t healthy though. That’s a fact it’s not a cosmetic thing. They banned smoking ads because it’s not healthy so I personally don’t believe being overweight should be celebrated or encouraged, I don’t see the logic in encouraging someone to have health or mobility problems and a shortened life. I’m overweight myself but I can’t moan about it because my weight and size could be someone else’s target weight. I know personally what I’m able to achieve and I know at the moment I’m carrying visceral fat around my mid section because I haven’t been eating well lately. It’s only the last couple of days that I’ve said enough now and started making adjustments to my meals again. If someone is overweight and says they are unhappy with their weight I see no benefit in telling them that they’re perfect the way they are and leaving them to it. I’d say I’m feeling that way too, let’s make some changes. " Whole lotta projection going on here. If you're not happy with your weight/size/shape then focus on you. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
To you it's bluntness an you can clearly take it. However, to others it would be harsh and uncaring and could be what pushes them over the edge and binge eat. I'm not saying you're a cunt or anything else. But just because it works for you doesn't mean it will for someone else
Exactly! I just think it's more productive to just be kind. "Imo it's not more productive, it's easier & you don't lose friends. We've both put the weight on during lockdown, I actually feel it more than H but when I go "Oh ffs this has got to go" while looking in the mirror whatever she'll just say "Your not fat" or "You don't need to lose it really" I just look at her & think "Twat". Because I know I do, Someone else telling me I don't is about them & them not wishing to go there or take it on, it's no longer about me. However, I do think the whole thing was almost as much about who made the comment, How it was made as it was to what the comment was. I'll be looking for the omelette maker though next time i'm in Aberystwyth. Cheers Annie
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
To you it's bluntness an you can clearly take it. However, to others it would be harsh and uncaring and could be what pushes them over the edge and binge eat. I'm not saying you're a cunt or anything else. But just because it works for you doesn't mean it will for someone else
Exactly! I just think it's more productive to just be kind.
Imo it's not more productive, it's easier & you don't lose friends.
We've both put the weight on during lockdown, I actually feel it more than H but when I go "Oh ffs this has got to go" while looking in the mirror whatever she'll just say "Your not fat" or "You don't need to lose it really" I just look at her & think "Twat".
Because I know I do,
Someone else telling me I don't is about them & them not wishing to go there or take it on, it's no longer about me.
However, I do think the whole thing was almost as much about who made the comment, How it was made as it was to what the comment was.
I'll be looking for the omelette maker though next time i'm in Aberystwyth.
Cheers Annie
S"That's the thing different strokes for different folks and all that. Bluntness works for you winner, for me it would be disastrous and I'd eat more. That's why it's important to actually know the person before offering advice if it's not asked for. | |||
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"But I'm not going to hide away just because I'm bigger, or not wear than bit of lingerie. I'm not celebrating that I'm fat but I'm not putting my life on hold until I'm slimmer either I may never reach my goal
So much love for this. Am I aware that I'm fat? Yes. Am I aware I should lose some weight? Yes. I know the health benefits from doing so. I have lost weight. I'm still fat. I'm still losing weight. The best and easiest way for me to lose weight is when I'm happier with myself, the more confident I feel the less likely I am to comfort eat. I'm not going to use my medical condition as an excuse for it, it's feasible to lose weight with it. I'm also not going to hide away until I reach this mythical ideal weight. Life is too short.
What I do think, and in the politest way OP, is you have a slight issue with overweight people (from posts over the years) and I don't think you can fathom how they can be genuinely happy.
My issue is being made to feel like a nasty cunt purely because I offered to help someone with ways to lose fat when they were the one to say that their weight made them feel like an unconfident twat covered in layers and layers of fat that made her feel massively self conscious to the point where she questioned if she was even worthy of receiving messages off men.
Nobody should feel that unhappy in themselves and if everyone around her is saying she’s fine and not actually offering constructive ways to change how she feels about herself then I will. If you don’t want people to comment on what you say then don’t put it on a public forum. Made me upset to even read how she felt.
Ah I'd only logged on and read/replied to this thread first without green arrowing, should have done that.
I think that people say they are x, y and z on the fora generally looking for positive replies reminding them of their "attractiveness" rather than blunt appraisals/constructive criticism. So like I could say "oh I'm so ugly and my hair's a mess, I can't message anyone" and I'm not looking for people to say get your hair sorted, more a confidence boost.
You're not a cunt for offering advice - it's something you're knowledgeable and passionate about. I think that maybe it wasn't the right time and sometimes people don't want advice, just a space for their thoughts.
(If I ever moan about being a fat so and so and unattractive to men please do give me lots of advice! At that point I need a good talking to and some blunt tips. )
And this is exactly where I struggle. When I ask something I expect people to treat me the same way as I am. I want bluntness, I want truth. That’s why I’m always honest about all my fuck ups with men and how bat shit crazy I get. It’s why I always tell people don’t you dare say it’s his loss of some guy blows me out because I know it’s bull shit. It’s not the guys loss he didn’t want me it’s my loss. I don’t like false praise, can’t do nothing with that or learn from it.
To you it's bluntness an you can clearly take it. However, to others it would be harsh and uncaring and could be what pushes them over the edge and binge eat. I'm not saying you're a cunt or anything else. But just because it works for you doesn't mean it will for someone else
Exactly! I just think it's more productive to just be kind.
Imo it's not more productive, it's easier & you don't lose friends.
We've both put the weight on during lockdown, I actually feel it more than H but when I go "Oh ffs this has got to go" while looking in the mirror whatever she'll just say "Your not fat" or "You don't need to lose it really" I just look at her & think "Twat".
Because I know I do,
Someone else telling me I don't is about them & them not wishing to go there or take it on, it's no longer about me.
However, I do think the whole thing was almost as much about who made the comment, How it was made as it was to what the comment was.
I'll be looking for the omelette maker though next time i'm in Aberystwyth.
Cheers Annie
S
That's the thing different strokes for different folks and all that. Bluntness works for you winner, for me it would be disastrous and I'd eat more. That's why it's important to actually know the person before offering advice if it's not asked for. "
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"Depends if you mean overweight or obese. Medical studies actually show there's minimal additional risk to life span by being overweight, so long as you get a nutritious diet and stay active. You can just be a bit bigger and still healthy. However, obesity had massive health risks. So whilst I'd never body shame someone to feel crap, I'd also want to help a friend lose weight." Obesity is a shocking scale medically. My ideal weight medically is 2 stone lighter than I am | |||
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"Depends if you mean overweight or obese. Medical studies actually show there's minimal additional risk to life span by being overweight, so long as you get a nutritious diet and stay active. You can just be a bit bigger and still healthy. However, obesity had massive health risks. So whilst I'd never body shame someone to feel crap, I'd also want to help a friend lose weight. Obesity is a shocking scale medically. My ideal weight medically is 2 stone lighter than I am "BMI? My normal BMI is pretty skeletal. Or what I weighed as a kid before my hips happened. I have fat to lose but I expect that with weight training I'll probably be 15-20kg above "healthy" BMI. | |||
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"BMI is shit. Even when I was flat out training 6 x a week I was over what I should be despite having visible abs. It doesn’t consider muscle weighs so much more than fat. " BMI works perfectly for how it was devised which is as a quick reference for the masses ... it doesn't work (& never has) for exceptions to the average. It doesn't work for those with certain medical conditions, on certain medications and with those of a certain level of fitness and above. It's use is mostly denied by those outside of the desired parameters but medical practitioners take everything into consideration when considering it's usage/outcome luckily! | |||
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"BMI is shit. Even when I was flat out training 6 x a week I was over what I should be despite having visible abs. It doesn’t consider muscle weighs so much more than fat. BMI works perfectly for how it was devised which is as a quick reference for the masses ... it doesn't work (& never has) for exceptions to the average. It doesn't work for those with certain medical conditions, on certain medications and with those of a certain level of fitness and above. It's use is mostly denied by those outside of the desired parameters but medical practitioners take everything into consideration when considering it's usage/outcome luckily! " Agreed. Or, usually. I've met some interesting ones. I think on other people's weight, we should tread carefully. It's a fraught topic. And generally accept that if someone wants help, they'll ask. | |||
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"BMI is shit. Even when I was flat out training 6 x a week I was over what I should be despite having visible abs. It doesn’t consider muscle weighs so much more than fat. " A pound of fat weighs the same as a pound of muscle = a pound
But one is denser than the other, yes. There's a reason I float beautifully in the swimming pool | |||
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