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Lack of sex and priorities

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

It's been 9 months for me now and what I have realised is that the way I was interacting with men was allowing them to have the "power" and do everything on their terms. I was basing a lot of my self worth and approval on the way I was being treated (for the most part, quite poorly) and have learned to put my priorities - which I have now realised are to date and start a relationship - before the feeling of being "wanted" at the detriment of my own integrity.

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

You can still have sex and not be in a relationship and do it all on your terms without being badly treated.

But if the sex without the relationship isn't for you then I hope you find what you're looking for x

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's very much continued a similar trajectory for me, sexually and otherwise. This year has been a pretty epic head fuck. But good comes out of it. Or will if I grit my teeth and persevere.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That’s really good awareness and focus on self care. We don’t often think about ourselves and our real needs and it isn’t selfish to do so.

Well done Amber

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s great that you have been able to base your self worth on how you feel about yourself, not how others feel about you.

I can’t say lack of sex or lots of sex has that big of an impact on me.

I have sex because it’s enjoyable, it doesn’t make me feel any better or worse about myself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

You can still have sex and not be in a relationship and do it all on your terms without being badly treated.

But if the sex without the relationship isn't for you then I hope you find what you're looking for x"

Since sex usually involves another person, surely the terms should suit them too?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

You can still have sex and not be in a relationship and do it all on your terms without being badly treated.

But if the sex without the relationship isn't for you then I hope you find what you're looking for x

Since sex usually involves another person, surely the terms should suit them too?"

OK if I have to

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Since sex usually involves another person, surely the terms should suit them too?"

Yes. But you can say "no I'm not doing that" and walk away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Since sex usually involves another person, surely the terms should suit them too?

Yes. But you can say "no I'm not doing that" and walk away."

I'm aware

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I wouldn't say the lack of sex per se, but the whole isolation aspect of this year has allowed me to do a lot of self reflection...and by doing that I've realised exactly who and what are important to me, and more importantly, who and what aren't. It's also given me the time and room to focus on certain relationships, with the luxury of some disruptive external factors being removed.

All in all, as crappy a year as it's been, there have been some positive and pleasant outcomes for me.

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Being in a bubble has made me focus more on the friendships that have lasted through it, even though we cannot see each other we check in and keep our friendship alive. So its main result is a lot more love and respect for my playmates and disregard for ones who actually really don't care about me.

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By *aramel.desiresMan over a year ago

Heathrow

I think there is something for everyone in any relationship but if you fell like you are being railroaded or overlooked then maybe time to calculate what you want from people and how to get it.

Personally I think life is too short to go without sex for a long period but then sex is impoertant to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

You can still have sex and not be in a relationship and do it all on your terms without being badly treated.

But if the sex without the relationship isn't for you then I hope you find what you're looking for x"

I think this is where I went wrong before, trying to "fill the gaps" in a way

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That’s really good awareness and focus on self care. We don’t often think about ourselves and our real needs and it isn’t selfish to do so.

Well done Amber "

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It’s great that you have been able to base your self worth on how you feel about yourself, not how others feel about you.

I can’t say lack of sex or lots of sex has that big of an impact on me.

I have sex because it’s enjoyable, it doesn’t make me feel any better or worse about myself."

There are definitely times where I've been able to separate sex from emotion and self worth. But it's the times when I haven't received the respect that should be present in fwb style arrangements that have fucked me up to the point where I'm exclusively avoiding it now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sex isn't the important thing in my life that drives me.

Financial freedom has given me the opportunity to do what I want, when I want and not waste time shagging just anyone.

I place my happiness and what I want to do before anything.

I'd rather wait till someone im interested in meeting comes along and if they feel the same way good.

If not no worries.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

It’s made me realise that I’m actually not that bothered about sex anymore unless it’s with someone I’m emotionally and romantically connected to.

The idea of having sex with someone just to “scratch that itch” no longer appeals. At all.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

Sometimes taking a step back helps us to see things more clearly. I'm happy this has happened for you. Your self worth is not dependent on others' approval

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It’s made me realise that I’m actually not that bothered about sex anymore unless it’s with someone I’m emotionally and romantically connected to.

The idea of having sex with someone just to “scratch that itch” no longer appeals. At all.

Same

Obviously nothing wrong with casual sex but I'm personally going to try and attach more value to intimacy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Has having a lack of sex made anyone else rethink their priorities and the way they think about sex?

Tbh I don't care if I go years without sex at this point, I shouldn't give up on what I'm looking for, and being celibate has given me the headspace to realise that

Sometimes taking a step back helps us to see things more clearly. I'm happy this has happened for you. Your self worth is not dependent on others' approval

Mrs TMN x"

Thank you xx

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Nope. I miss being a slut and I'm lucky to have a couple of great people to bw slutty with. I'm glad you've figured out what you want though and I hope you find happiness.

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By *ookingfun82Man over a year ago

Enniskillen

The less I have it the more I want it, didn't make having it enough of a priority in my younger days.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Nope. I miss being a slut and I'm lucky to have a couple of great people to bw slutty with. I'm glad you've figured out what you want though and I hope you find happiness. "

That's great

You seem like you have a great relationship though, I do envy you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was already starting to think this way before lockdown that 'just sex' wasn't such a big deal to me anymore.

Lockdown and the continuing situation has helped me along and I've stopped watching porn completely and masturbating as I don't feel that need for it.

What would be of more interest to me now would be intimacy with someone who means something to me (with sex being a part of that) rather than sex just for the sake of it.

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"I wouldn't say the lack of sex per se, but the whole isolation aspect of this year has allowed me to do a lot of self reflection...and by doing that I've realised exactly who and what are important to me, and more importantly, who and what aren't. It's also given me the time and room to focus on certain relationships, with the luxury of some disruptive external factors being removed.

All in all, as crappy a year as it's been, there have been some positive and pleasant outcomes for me. "

I'm happy you've had the positive outcomes you have had Lily - much like you I think lockdown aided the removal of disruptive external factors and that helped my newly fledged relationship develop and blossom.

I have realised that I have very little interest in casual casual sex or clubs for sex. I'd much rather have friendships and sex than the very erm... anonymous side of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This years really hasn't had much impact on my non-working life, sad to say. My weekly RPG group moved online, as did the board game group. I had no social life outside that. I've had exactly the same amount of sex as last year (none), and the same number of dates (ditto). I wasn't going to go to any clubs or socials anyway because they're a waste of time until I figure out what's wrong with me and fix it.

As tragic as it is, the biggest effect COVID has had on my life is that I was furloughed for three months and used the time to make a big dent in my Netflix watchlist.

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