FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What’s it like to be single in today’s society?
What’s it like to be single in today’s society?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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With the introduction of online dating and social media making it easier to connect with people.
People being disposable. People carrying baggage or hurt from past relationships making them reluctant to get in another relationship.
People being used to being alone and are comfortable with it.
What’s your experience of being single or your experience dating because you don’t want to be single? |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
This is sucha good question...
I believe it to be a combination of things making a perfect (or not so perfect) storm.
Bad previous relationships or those that are over, but are not quite...
The feeling that the grass is always greener on the other side?
Maybe, searching for unrealistic perfection in a partner.
Maybe, the love of independence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think traditional dating is over well from what I see. Rejoined a dating site few months ago. One guy messaged me asked me was I on here another guy messaged me asking what I was looking for, told him straight up I want to dare, 3 texts later " can I see a boob pic'.
People won't put the effort in to actually get to know the person as they too busy looking over your shoulder for the next best shiny thing
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I could be wrong, but I don't believe it it massively different from how it's always been, except that contact is made through apps and websites rather than just meeting people at pubs or through friends.
There has always been first dates that never made second date, and people pretending to be single when they aren't.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It isn't too bad but younneed to have all the apps to make sure you arent missing out on potentially "the one".
There is also a lot of admin to do, messaging etc, and then there is the date itself which can either go well or down like a shit sandwich.
At the end of it all though, hopefully you'll meet the right person for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my limited knowledge, there is a throw away culture and people waiting for something better. This increases the ghosting etc. I tried the dating apps briefly and it was soul destroying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When i split up with my ex at the age of 35, the thought of dating again scared me and opening up to someone still does.
Online thing has been around long enough to know how it works but it very much is a throw away culture and also a culture of judging people solely on a few picture and words, id like to think im more than that for sure.
All i ever ask for when i speak to someone is time, because i believe im a decent guy. But time doesnt seem to be in alot of peoples agenda these days.
Fab has been fantastic for me to find my confidence and who i am again and i will always be greatful for it, where ever life ends up taking me. I still hold hope for relationships and family on day. But im much more what will be will be now.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"From my limited knowledge, there is a throw away culture and people waiting for something better. This increases the ghosting etc. I tried the dating apps briefly and it was soul destroying. "
I think that is a valid point and I am concerned about the potential long term effect of ghosting on people younger than myself. Its is horrible experience and can do untold damage to somebody's self-esteem and confidence.  |
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I’ve realized recently after losing my partner to cancer 4 yrs ago that I’m fine being single what
I’ve seen of dating apps etc it’s not on a positive note .Lots of men my age are not interested in long term relationships ... and to be honest I’m happy with my own space and choices ... really don’t think I want to share with anyone  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Covid aside, I do think the likes of tinder, social media and sliding into people’s dm’s, all the other dating apps.
It does seem like people hold back because they know there’s options.
Add this grass is greener mentality to the fact that men and women aren’t on the same playing field with regards to biology.
I know it’s not ideal for a man to become a father for the first time in his 60’s but the fact is he could if he wanted to.
I truly believe that if men knew if they hadn’t found someone to have children with by the time they were 40 then that’s their chance to have a family gone. Same as it is for women. Once your eggs have gone they’re gone, can’t make anymore and fertility massively drops after 35 and continues to drop each year after.
Maybe if both sexes had biological clocks people would stop messing people about and wasting each other’s time. |
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By *ljamMan
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
On one hand, and certainly on the face of it, dating apps have democratised relationships, creating a larger and leveller playing field than traditional going out and meeting people. That's not to say it's easy, but the barriers between you and meeting someone are much lower, and much less costly (both in the time and effort of going out and socialising etc).
However that's only on the face of it. Because the investment of time and effort is so small, so is the value of these online interactions. What's more shallow than a swipe based on a few pics and a sentence or two of biography? You swipe, you match, you chat a bit... and chances are you're juggling a few conversations... and so are the people you're chatting with... so it's all very disposable. Not impossible to overcome that and form a good relationship, but not easy either.
We live in a disposable age so perhaps no great surprise there.
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I for one absolutely love being single its where am at my happiest I've been a single mum on my own for 9 years now and don't regret anything am glad I have my daughter and she keeps me grounded and from going wild lol this lifestyle is good for me means I can out the desperate and needy! And hoping to find a genuine friend who who'll want more than a quickie or one night stand  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Expensive. Not having a dual income sucks. "
I’ve never lived with anyone so wouldn’t know what it’s like to have two incomes.
Some guys say it’s the women folk who think about the monetary gain from being in a relationship 
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"I could be wrong, but I don't believe it it massively different from how it's always been, except that contact is made through apps and websites rather than just meeting people at pubs or through friends.
There has always been first dates that never made second date, and people pretending to be single when they aren't.
Cal"
I agree with you.
I've been single since 1986 and dating long before the advent of the internet - nothing has changed other than it's easier to find out the background of someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm used to being single,but I get lonely. The Internet has not helped my situation personally. Your judged on looks and text messages are never read the same as they are wrote. Emphasis on words being missed,unlike propper conversation. Even on here its a mission to get responses from girls,and now with covid-19 I couldn't even try the clubs as they don't take single guys at the moment. I will keep working on myself,becoming the best version of me. Staying positive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From my limited knowledge, there is a throw away culture and people waiting for something better. This increases the ghosting etc. I tried the dating apps briefly and it was soul destroying. "
Totally agree with this statement |
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I enjoy it, there's no outsider perspective being a single enjoying all the lovely men.
We should raise people to be great single citizens and take the focus away from Disney Princess romance and dating.
Schools long out for me and I have my baggage, whether I've been dating or not. At least being single you have time to know yourself, deal with things and not hide from discomfort, covering it over with magical fairytale romance and faux personality |
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I’ve never been happy being single. I do agree with the comments made on this interesting thread (thanks, OP)
I came on here because dating sites just aren’t working for me any more, but Fab is totally not what I expected!
I’ve had (and I’m still having) much more interaction with very interesting people than I ever imagined. Meeting is obviously problematic at the moment, but I’m more confident and honest about likes/dislikes than ever before.
I’d still like to find someone for keeps though.
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By *igmaMan
over a year ago
Yorkshire |
Not bad if you like being on your own. Hate explaining to people why I don’t want a family or kids though. My sex life is always private I don’t talk about it with work colleges. Don’t want to have to explain kink to people who's only interest is how fit someone is.
The dating scene is completely disposable though. From both sides of the fence. Im happy enough when I’ve got decent regular play partners. Don’t really need more.
That would only change if I did meet someone I fit with. But I am quite an odd sock |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Here it is. Couldn’t find it.
Yeah I need more information on this topic please.
Experiences from a mans point of view and from women’s.
Do you think it’s harder these days with the likes of social media and the 100’s of apps and sites dedicated to dating and hook ups.
It does seem to me like everyone is more detached these days.
Guys that are successful with women in general just seem to want to casually meet with multiple people rather than just have one exclusive partner. This is just my experience ok, I want other people’s experiences please. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am single and I prefer to be it. I am always busy doing thing, you can do what you want when you want it, although I am married to the gym "
But as busy as you feel you are, could you fit someone into your life if you really wanted to? A lot of people think they’re too busy for a relationship and use it for reasons not to want them. |
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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I am single and I prefer to be it. I am always busy doing thing, you can do what you want when you want it, although I am married to the gym
But as busy as you feel you are, could you fit someone into your life if you really wanted to? A lot of people think they’re too busy for a relationship and use it for reasons not to want them. "
That is a good question. I probably could fit them in, but I have got so used to my own ways so I think it would be hard to do, like with my fitness routine as well. I am very strickt of the meals so we would had to do separate cooking to name one thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been happily single for 28 years by choice and never had a bad relationship! Now my kids have all recently left home I've thought about "dating" but only briefly ... though I've always managed proper (life not fab) friends with benefits though as you get older these are much more difficult to find because so many people seem to be carrying emotional baggage and that isn't conducive to a fwb in my opinion! |
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By *exy penWoman
over a year ago
liverpool |
I like being single, am not looking for a relationship but also not ruling it out if I met someone.
Dating sites I don't like because there always appears to be an agenda. Fab on the other hand is what it is and I find that refreshingly honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks OP!! I was in a long term relationship from the age of 16. That relationship was quite toxic especially towards the end. This however never put me off wanting to be in a relationship. I actually found it difficult being single at first but dating was so daunting because my self esteem was on the floor. However after trying online dating apps and chatting to guts my confidence grew. What I struggled with was that as soon as I started chatting to someone that I was into I put all my eggs in there basket so to speak as in my eyes if you had a connection you would focus on building something with that one person. It felt like cheating to me to be talking to more than one person at a time. This led me to get too attached to people too early on. It’s taken me quite a few years to realise that we do live in a throw away society and people are open to something that may be better. There is no want for commitment. Don’t get me wrong there are people out there who do want commitment but it’s a very rare thing these days. Casual fun is so accessible that someone can potentially have a casual prayer for every day of the week. As soon as the excitement have gone on to the next. No working at keeping things interesting or working through any issues just ghost and on to the next. I find people are far more honest on here than on dating sites about only wanting NSA fun where as in dating sites they pretend they want something more just to get inside your knickers. These days I struggle with wanting to be in a loving relationship it then seeing how so many are in relationships that are loveless, unhappy or incompatible that makes me think maybe I am better off single and be happy with casual NSA fun. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Completely the same Dee.
I can’t spread my attention equally so I don’t know how people can juggle multiple people. There’s actually a term that pick up artists use and they refer to women as “plates” spinning plates it’s quite horrible to read these PUA forums and see men’s opinions, I’ve been in loads of them on Reddit.
I could be chatting to 10 guys but one will stick out more than the others and it’s that person that I want to speak to the most. That person tends to be the one that isn’t emotionally available at all so then I’ve let all the other conversations fizzle out cos I concentrated on the wrong one and then back to square one again.
It’s fucking hard!
I think the key is to give yourself healthy boundaries and cut stuff off right at the start if someone gives even an inkling that they’re not open to a relationship.
That’s what I want, I want a relationship. I don’t want casual sex. No amount of seeing a guy an sleeping with a guy will convince him to want one if he doesn’t so unless he says at the start he’s open to something developing then I’ll just walk away. Not lying to myself anymore that I’m happy just meeting as and when and just having sex. Nope. I want someone that’s exclusive to me. |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
I have been single since 1977, As a result of a drink fueled party I became a father at the age of 48, by mutual agreement with my daughters mother I reverted back to being a singleton.
I have a small circle of female friends with whom I go shopping, weekends away, meals out, theatre et al. all strictly platonic.
Being single can be very lonely at times, this lockdown period being an example.
Certainly have no plans to alter my single status in the future, despite being on here.
After all who the hell would want an 80 year old husband. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think being on here makes casual seem like the norm. I don’t get too hurt hearing that guys are meeting others as they are honest and upfront about it but that in turn helps me not get attached to that person. But there have been times I’ve met guys on here that have hinted at wanting something more but then still act all casual which is extremely confusing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I left an abusive relationship a year and a half ago now.
I'm 100% happy with being, I'm enjoying my freedom and independence BUT if I found that special person but finding that person is bloody hard work. I don't think it helps that my standards are sky high owing to what I've been through.
It would be nice to meet someone that will just say 'I like you, you like me, let's see how this goes' without any drama or bullshit and just being straight with each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I left an abusive relationship a year and a half ago now.
I'm 100% happy with being, I'm enjoying my freedom and independence BUT if I found that special person but finding that person is bloody hard work. I don't think it helps that my standards are sky high owing to what I've been through.
It would be nice to meet someone that will just say 'I like you, you like me, let's see how this goes' without any drama or bullshit and just being straight with each other. "
Sounds simple doesn’t it but never goes that way!! And there is nothing wrong with having high standards, when you have been through abuse you won’t settle for anything that is not what you want / need |
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I like being single, but would also love to have that special person to look after and have that caring reciprocated.
I was married for 16 years and prior to that in other long term relationships, so being on my own is still (3 years later) weird in some ways.
I am talking to one lady online, we seem to share a lot of similar passions and attitudes to politics etc..so you never know if that may change my mind to being single.
I am an optimist so always believe that things generally turn out ok in the end, with or without a partner  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I left an abusive relationship a year and a half ago now.
I'm 100% happy with being, I'm enjoying my freedom and independence BUT if I found that special person but finding that person is bloody hard work. I don't think it helps that my standards are sky high owing to what I've been through.
It would be nice to meet someone that will just say 'I like you, you like me, let's see how this goes' without any drama or bullshit and just being straight with each other.
Sounds simple doesn’t it but never goes that way!! And there is nothing wrong with having high standards, when you have been through abuse you won’t settle for anything that is not what you want / need "
That's the thing, it sounds simple but it's damned hard to find. I think too many these days don't want to put their eggs in one basket.
I think my high standards plus the fact I have no luck when it comes to romance, I'm going to be single for a LONG time.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im single and it has good points and bad points. Obviously lack of sex is the major bad point. But when I was married to get sex I had to listen to her droan on about absolute crap I wasn't intrested in. And then I had to pretend I found her attractive and be nice, sometimes id have to take her out for a meal and talk to her ffs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well found my self single 5 half years ago I thought we would be together for life,I actually met him online,I think it's much harder now though,I've been on dating sites and after a few messages guys want to get naughty,I think the very act of dating has changed,no one wants to commit to a relationship these days |
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By *undayTarkaMan
over a year ago
North Devon, Manchester |
Men find it easier to cheat, the amount of messages my mrs would get when we were together is astonishing, cock pics rude messages, pestering, Stay single if you love that sort of stuff, If you try to have your cake and and eat it, your arse will only get bitten |
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I've been single for nearly 6 years now, by my choice and tbh I love it. The freedom it affords me to go away and play at the weekends is something I cannot see ever giving up, maybe one day I'll meet a man who knocks my socks off and my life will change...who knows |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Covid aside, I do think the likes of tinder, social media and sliding into people’s dm’s, all the other dating apps.
It does seem like people hold back because they know there’s options.
Add this grass is greener mentality to the fact that men and women aren’t on the same playing field with regards to biology.
I know it’s not ideal for a man to become a father for the first time in his 60’s but the fact is he could if he wanted to.
I truly believe that if men knew if they hadn’t found someone to have children with by the time they were 40 then that’s their chance to have a family gone. Same as it is for women. Once your eggs have gone they’re gone, can’t make anymore and fertility massively drops after 35 and continues to drop each year after.
Maybe if both sexes had biological clocks people would stop messing people about and wasting each other’s time. "
this is a great point. Most men would also like the great family life. I personally wouldn't want to be too old to enjoy playing sports with my kids. Things move quicker at our age too |
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"Im single and it has good points and bad points. Obviously lack of sex is the major bad point. But when I was married to get sex I had to listen to her droan on about absolute crap I wasn't intrested in. And then I had to pretend I found her attractive and be nice, sometimes id have to take her out for a meal and talk to her ffs "
This made me chuckle |
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"I've been single for nearly 6 years now, by my choice and tbh I love it. The freedom it affords me to go away and play at the weekends is something I cannot see ever giving up"
This, but over eighteen years and counting.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was totally different being single in society several
decades ago. Back in the day many were seen as failures or weird if not settled down by a certain age.
Crazy as it is some were even accused of being closet gays even a Prince was.
If males played the field untill they found the one they were Jack the lads. If females did the same they were virtually classed as whores.
Thankfully attitudes have changed its disturbing to realise how backward we all were then.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been single a long time now and I doubt I'll ever be in a traditional relationship again.
Dating apps are hard work - I know people that have met their partners online but they literally made it their full time job to find someone.
Dating is exhausting and difficult to find people that are honest about their intentions.
I like the idea of growing old disgracefully with someone - but I'm not sure I want any of the domesticity
I don't want to do anyone else's laundry or have to put up with their family / kids or share finances.
I don't want to live with anyone either.
I want the intimacy, sex and fun without the drudgery.
I'm not sure it exists - but I live in hope |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been single a long time now and I doubt I'll ever be in a traditional relationship again.
Dating apps are hard work - I know people that have met their partners online but they literally made it their full time job to find someone.
Dating is exhausting and difficult to find people that are honest about their intentions.
I like the idea of growing old disgracefully with someone - but I'm not sure I want any of the domesticity
I don't want to do anyone else's laundry or have to put up with their family / kids or share finances.
I don't want to live with anyone either.
I want the intimacy, sex and fun without the drudgery.
I'm not sure it exists - but I live in hope "
I concur with all of this, I don’t want to live with anyone. I don’t want to check in whether it’s okay if I can do stuff without them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been single a long time now and I doubt I'll ever be in a traditional relationship again.
Dating apps are hard work - I know people that have met their partners online but they literally made it their full time job to find someone.
Dating is exhausting and difficult to find people that are honest about their intentions.
I like the idea of growing old disgracefully with someone - but I'm not sure I want any of the domesticity
I don't want to do anyone else's laundry or have to put up with their family / kids or share finances.
I don't want to live with anyone either.
I want the intimacy, sex and fun without the drudgery.
I'm not sure it exists - but I live in hope
I concur with all of this, I don’t want to live with anyone. I don’t want to check in whether it’s okay if I can do stuff without them. "
God yeah - having to justify everything to someone else is exhausting as well.
I find being with other people all the time draining - I doubt I'm relationship material
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"I find being with other people all the time draining - I doubt I'm relationship material
"
This. The amount of alone-time I require is incompatible with a Proper Relationship™, let alone cohabitation. I used to think I had undiagnosed depression, but it turned out I was just living in shared accommodation.
From Friday night to Sunday afternoon, from the outside I might look like a (pretty weird) boyfriend; but then I'm getting the train home and everyone's going back to work on Monday. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dating as a trans woman that’s is attracted to women is extremely difficult I find.
It’s pretty rare to find a woman that is interested romantically with trans people I find . My TV friends have it much easier dating as they still have their male identity so can switch off the fem aspect / kink .
I have dated 3 women in last 10 years all of them ended up being users / mad as a hatter or caved into peer pressure in regards to how it’s wrong to be involved with a trans person .
Tend to find people mostly view people like me as a toy or an itch to scratch .
Dating apps if I don’t get banned for being trans which happens a lot on some platforms , usually turns out to be a guy talking to or a woman that amazingly after wasting time chatting abit is infact not single and looking to experiment.
Dating a man would be just as hard as most men are to embarrassed of people thinking they are a lesser man or gay if someone realised you are trans .
Amazingly I am very upbeat with it all though as it’s purely just mathematical probability that eventually some numbers stick
I just don’t see people as people in a sense with dating , to me i just see them as numbers and likelihood’s of failure so tend to treat it as such in a polite way . I am very dismissive when I equate the numbers are not stacking up now . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find being with other people all the time draining - I doubt I'm relationship material
This. The amount of alone-time I require is incompatible with a Proper Relationship™, let alone cohabitation. I used to think I had undiagnosed depression, but it turned out I was just living in shared accommodation.
"
Disturbingly I really relate to this
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I left my last relationship in February, just in time for lockdown, to be honest, I've been really grateful for it, previously id have ended up in a pub and hooking up probably rather quickly, instead, I was forced to really sit back and ask myself some serious questions, and have realised I am far happier just being me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The amount of alone-time I require is incompatible with a Proper Relationship
This absolutely sums me up. I get anxious if I don’t get time to myself. I love my own company.
Being in crowds of people makes me irritable. |
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