FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Guys want sex, women want relationships.
Guys want sex, women want relationships.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Would it be a fair to say that if the goal was to have as much sex as possible with multiple people, women could win that by a landslide. When it comes to wanting sex both here and in the real works a woman could get it from anywhere. Even if she went to a bar and went up to a random guy and said I want to fuck you, chances are that guy would say yes.
That’s the power of pussy, is that a fair assumption?
Now where guys hold the power it’s on the relationship front, it seems to me that it’s the guy that decides whether a relationship will be born out of a date.
Now I know there’s headstrong women on here who simply don’t want a relationship but is it a fair assumption to say that most women would be open to see where things went more than guys? Like a lot of guys want casual sex without committing where a woman would be more willing to commit.
I need unbiased opinions on this cos all I have is my own experiences.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"100% true and if a guy said he needs to feel a connection first to sleep with them, then he's lying. Haha  "
wrong without spark may as well fuck a hole in the fence |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope i just want lightning in a bottle dont care how"
Do you know that one of the most expensive perfumes in the world is Jar~ Bolt. It’s supposed to smell like the ground after it’s been hit by a bolt of lightening! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nah...
I was single on the scene for over 4 years before meeting Jeff, actively avoiding relationships. I was only interested in casual NSA sex and/or fwb...first sign of feelings and I was gone...i was surprised how many guys wanted more...
I don't think gender plays too much of a part tbh, just those stereotypes are ingrained in us.
Lu  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m a firm believer in the power of the almighty quim, but do think a lot of women want to go into relationship mode way too quickly. That’s just damn scary. |
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I think that is a pretty good observation.
From a biology point of view, the males like to spread their genes by fucking as many females a possible, in the hope that many of the resulting children survive.
Females can only give their genes to their own children, so they need to protect them and nurture them. This is best done under the protection of other people, so relationships are formed
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope i just want lightning in a bottle dont care how
Do you know that one of the most expensive perfumes in the world is Jar~ Bolt. It’s supposed to smell like the ground after it’s been hit by a bolt of lightening!"
ooo i didnt know that love the smell of electicity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be a fair to say that if the goal was to have as much sex as possible with multiple people, women could win that by a landslide. When it comes to wanting sex both here and in the real works a woman could get it from anywhere. Even if she went to a bar and went up to a random guy and said I want to fuck you, chances are that guy would say yes.
That’s the power of pussy, is that a fair assumption?
Now where guys hold the power it’s on the relationship front, it seems to me that it’s the guy that decides whether a relationship will be born out of a date.
Now I know there’s headstrong women on here who simply don’t want a relationship but is it a fair assumption to say that most women would be open to see where things went more than guys? Like a lot of guys want casual sex without committing where a woman would be more willing to commit.
I need unbiased opinions on this cos all I have is my own experiences.
"
I think you’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head in the context of sex vs. relationships here on Fab; I see a lot of female profiles which, to me at least, have an undertone of wanting a relationship even though it’s not stated. Most male profiles just want non-committal sex. There are exceptions, obviously.
As for men having the control over whether one develops....that might be a little less clear cut.
Most of my previous relationships were ended by my girlfriend at the time, and I’d say relationships that didn’t happen weren’t too far off 50/50 in terms of control. |
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In my limited personal experience, the overwhelming majority of women want Proper Relationships™.
This is something of a barrier to those of us who are not relationship material.
One of the reasons I like playing with people who are already in relationships is that it means those expectations are already catered for, and therefore won’t be placed upon me.
I’m always happy to show someone a good time, safe in the knowledge that they’ll go back to their partner when they’re finished with me.
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
I've had 2 regular fwb situations from Fab. Both of them have dropped the L bomb on me. I've tried to be mindful of not giving out bf vibes throughout but it's still happened. For me, all casual set ups where there has been regular connecting has led to the same situation. |
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I think it's a bit of an old fashioned way to think that women want to settle down and men don't.
In my previous relationship the ex wanted me to get a job and settle and have kids. That wasn't what I wanted and went to do a PhD. My career was more important than settling down.
Fast forward when I met M, I was honest I didn't want another relationship I wanted to play the field so to speak. Which is why we're on here tbh.
In my social circle I have friends of both genders who have strong settling down instincts and those who don't. |
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I personally can’t get any guy I want even in a bar. No one looks twice in the real world when I have clothes on. I’m not looking for a relationship a friendship yes where sex is at the fore front but a relationship no. I am not even entertaining the thought. I don’t want sex with the whole of fab, just a couple of regular friends who I have sexual chemistry with, who I happen to get along with too. I have found one and I class him as a friend annoying as he may be (because he’s always busy  )but I’ve never contemplated wanting anymore than that. |
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"Would it be a fair to say that if the goal was to have as much sex as possible with multiple people, women could win that by a landslide. When it comes to wanting sex both here and in the real works a woman could get it from anywhere. Even if she went to a bar and went up to a random guy and said I want to fuck you, chances are that guy would say yes.
That’s the power of pussy, is that a fair assumption?
Now where guys hold the power it’s on the relationship front, it seems to me that it’s the guy that decides whether a relationship will be born out of a date.
Now I know there’s headstrong women on here who simply don’t want a relationship but is it a fair assumption to say that most women would be open to see where things went more than guys? Like a lot of guys want casual sex without committing where a woman would be more willing to commit.
I need unbiased opinions on this cos all I have is my own experiences.
"
Whilst what you have written is a stereotypical generalisation I’d have to say from my own experience (other experiences are available) it is largely correct.
Stereotypes come about for a reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think one of the biggest mistakes guys make is failing to realise that women can want sex for the fun, the thrill and the enjoyment of it just as much as men.
Relationships are completely different. In nature, the male sows while the female harvests, and that brings different wants, needs and desires. As evolved humans, rapidly shaking off peer pressure from dead people, attitudes towards relationships are also evolving. In many respects it boils down to understanding the difference between love and sex, ideally in a relationship you will have love and sex, but you don’t need love to have sex, or a relationship. |
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"I think one of the biggest mistakes guys make is failing to realise that women can want sex for the fun, the thrill and the enjoyment of it just as much as men.
Relationships are completely different. In nature, the male sows while the female harvests, and that brings different wants, needs and desires. As evolved humans, rapidly shaking off peer pressure from dead people, attitudes towards relationships are also evolving. In many respects it boils down to understanding the difference between love and sex, ideally in a relationship you will have love and sex, but you don’t need love to have sex, or a relationship."
Never a truer word spoken  |
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My experience has been that more men than women want a relationship among my children's friends there seem to be a lot of long term relationships and marriages so possibly it's evened out.
From what I can see there's a lot of game playing and a formulaic approach to sex, dating and relationships nowadays |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Generally speaking I avoid assumptions
I don't want a relationship other than regular sex with a couple of men who I find attractive and turn me on
Not as easy to find as one would think!
Saira x |
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"Nah...
I was single on the scene for over 4 years before meeting Jeff, actively avoiding relationships. I was only interested in casual NSA sex and/or fwb...first sign of feelings and I was gone...i was surprised how many guys wanted more...
I don't think gender plays too much of a part tbh, just those stereotypes are ingrained in us.
Lu "
I have found the same, I've been single over 6 years now and don't plan on changing that.
I am not looking for a relationship, just a fwb, and have found that guys tend to get attached quite quickly.
I don't know if it's the whole thrill of the chase, because I'm dead set against it, but it is making it difficult to find a fwb  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that it's the guys who push for more. Especially on here. Although I often think it's a ploy to keep you to themselves, rather than wanting an actual relationship. Definitely lots of gameplaying going on at times.
I've been very intimate with Fab meets, but never have I wanted anything more from them. I tend to keep relationships and Fabs VERY separate.
Casual sex is not something I'd indulge in with someone if I was looking for a relationship. I'd date, get to know someone a little more before sex even came into the equation. This approach for me tends to filter out those looking for an easy shag quite quickly.
Seeing as I'm not actively looking for a relationship, this site is ideal for now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find that it's the guys who push for more. Especially on here. Although I often think it's a ploy to keep you to themselves, rather than wanting an actual relationship. Definitely lots of gameplaying going on at times.
I've been very intimate with Fab meets, but never have I wanted anything more from them. I tend to keep relationships and Fabs VERY separate.
Casual sex is not something I'd indulge in with someone if I was looking for a relationship. I'd date, get to know someone a little more before sex even came into the equation. This approach for me tends to filter out those looking for an easy shag quite quickly.
Seeing as I'm not actively looking for a relationship, this site is ideal for now. "
Pinup pro has a point there. Men may not want a relationship but they are trained to possess things. You fuck the same guy enough times and he will start seeing your pussy as his. Men are way more clingy and sensitive and man speak is just their attempt at showing a different narrative. Tell a privileged asshole NO and see how quickly they throw their toys. |
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"Pinup pro has a point there. Men may not want a relationship but they are trained to possess things. You fuck the same guy enough times and he will start seeing your pussy as his. Men are way more clingy and sensitive and man speak is just their attempt at showing a different narrative. Tell a privileged asshole NO and see how quickly they throw their toys. "
I concur. Women at least tend to be pretty up front in their possessiveness; guys are more likely to lie about it. Witness the whole "Yes, of course I'm fine with you fucking someone else" followed by tears and recrimination thing. Ugh. |
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Off fab I know lots of women who seem to want to jump straight into another relationship as soon as one ends. It's like they don't want to be on their own and need the security of a man. I also know single men who are perfectly happy without a relationship. Of course that's not everyone and it is down to individuals but in general based on people I know I would say it seems to be the women who want a relationship and the men who don't seem so keen to commit. |
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Been pondering about this more and it may be a bit more controversial. The women I know who aren't actively seeking relationships tend to be those who have put careers ahead of finding themselves a relationship.
Is there a connection with financial/career security which frees women from society norms. My mam was brought up to believe success was finding a man and getting married then kids etc. And her worth was placed on what my dad did as a career. Are we shifting away from these attitudes in today's society? And in time the mythos that women want relationships and men want sex will be eradicated? |
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"I personally can’t get any guy I want even in a bar. No one looks twice in the real world when I have clothes on. I’m not looking for a relationship a friendship yes where sex is at the fore front but a relationship no. I am not even entertaining the thought. I don’t want sex with the whole of fab, just a couple of regular friends who I have sexual chemistry with, who I happen to get along with too. I have found one and I class him as a friend annoying as he may be (because he’s always busy )but I’ve never contemplated wanting anymore than that. "
You are obviously going to the weong bars |
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I think your view of men wanting sex fromany woman is a bit simplistic. Most women I see, on Fab or otherwise, I do not want to have sex with. I would guess it the figure would be in the region of 5-10% I feel any kind of attraction to. There are quite a lot of women I would definitely not enjoy having sex with on account of a lack of attraction.
That's just me of course. I can't say this is a generality across men. |
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By *osineCouple
over a year ago
Weston-Super-Mare |
When I was single (also now I suppose), I was a slut, unashamed also. I found out how now my husband looked naked (tight muscles everywhere) during my single time playing a game of truth or dare which lead to a fab mmf!!! didn't sleep with him again though for another year...
relationships were not my thing at that point.
I just love sex, simple as that |
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I'd say that overall, men and women want sex and relationships roughly equally.
Where things get more unequal is in quality of sexual partners, which makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective. A man has virtually "zero cost" from a casual hookup and therefore "any hole's a goal", whereas if a woman gets pregnant that's a significant evolutionary cost - therefore they need to pick a suitably high-quality partner.
This tends to manifest itself in the modern world as women being happy to have casual sex, but generally only with those men they really fancy (often on the basis of forming some sort of intimate connection) whilst most blokes might be looking for something similar, but if single will generally accept any invitation of sex from virtually any woman, if there's no compelling reason not to and no better offer.
This will of course vary hugely in individual terms, but explains the population norms. |
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"Nah...
I was single on the scene for over 4 years before meeting Jeff, actively avoiding relationships. I was only interested in casual NSA sex and/or fwb...first sign of feelings and I was gone...i was surprised how many guys wanted more...
I don't think gender plays too much of a part tbh, just those stereotypes are ingrained in us.
Lu "
This for me!
I was married at 20, divorced at 43 and not the least bit interested in a relationship. I had two daughters at home and no way was I bringing a man into their lives.
Any one get close they were binned!
All was fine til I met Ben on here seven years ago. Certainly wasn't looking for a relationship! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been pondering about this more and it may be a bit more controversial. The women I know who aren't actively seeking relationships tend to be those who have put careers ahead of finding themselves a relationship.
Is there a connection with financial/career security which frees women from society norms. My mam was brought up to believe success was finding a man and getting married then kids etc. And her worth was placed on what my dad did as a career. Are we shifting away from these attitudes in today's society? And in time the mythos that women want relationships and men want sex will be eradicated? "
I think once women get a little financial independance, especially if they havn't had it before, then men are much further down on the priority. Not that men/husbands are a meal ticket but money can free a woman from all the expected norms. (It will me anyway) |
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"Been pondering about this more and it may be a bit more controversial. The women I know who aren't actively seeking relationships tend to be those who have put careers ahead of finding themselves a relationship.
Is there a connection with financial/career security which frees women from society norms. My mam was brought up to believe success was finding a man and getting married then kids etc. And her worth was placed on what my dad did as a career. Are we shifting away from these attitudes in today's society? And in time the mythos that women want relationships and men want sex will be eradicated?
I think once women get a little financial independance, especially if they havn't had it before, then men are much further down on the priority. Not that men/husbands are a meal ticket but money can free a woman from all the expected norms. (It will me anyway) "
I work hard and money is tight but i would rather be skint than share my home with a male. Much happier being by myself and in total control of my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be a fair to say that if the goal was to have as much sex as possible with multiple people, women could win that by a landslide. When it comes to wanting sex both here and in the real works a woman could get it from anywhere. Even if she went to a bar and went up to a random guy and said I want to fuck you, chances are that guy would say yes.
That’s the power of pussy, is that a fair assumption?
Now where guys hold the power it’s on the relationship front, it seems to me that it’s the guy that decides whether a relationship will be born out of a date.
Now I know there’s headstrong women on here who simply don’t want a relationship but is it a fair assumption to say that most women would be open to see where things went more than guys? Like a lot of guys want casual sex without committing where a woman would be more willing to commit.
I need unbiased opinions on this cos all I have is my own experiences.
"
Best not admit that in front of L. She refuses to accept sex is easy to come by for women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"100% true and if a guy said he needs to feel a connection first to sleep with them, then he's lying. Haha "
Completely disagree with this comment. Without a connection nothing other than maybe a kiss would happen. |
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No it isn't the guy who decides if a relationship comes from a date. I haven't wanted a relationship with every guy I've dated and I've turned down repeat dates before because he hasn't been for me. I've also been turned down by men for casual sex. |
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"Would it be a fair to say that if the goal was to have as much sex as possible with multiple people, women could win that by a landslide. When it comes to wanting sex both here and in the real works a woman could get it from anywhere. Even if she went to a bar and went up to a random guy and said I want to fuck you, chances are that guy would say yes.
That’s the power of pussy, is that a fair assumption?
Now where guys hold the power it’s on the relationship front, it seems to me that it’s the guy that decides whether a relationship will be born out of a date.
Now I know there’s headstrong women on here who simply don’t want a relationship but is it a fair assumption to say that most women would be open to see where things went more than guys? Like a lot of guys want casual sex without committing where a woman would be more willing to commit.
I need unbiased opinions on this cos all I have is my own experiences.
"
Not for me
Sex with someone you love is one of the most amazing experiences you can have.
A one off with someone you have just kopped for isnt in the same planet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say, many ladies on here wanting a relationship. That’s complicated as this this website supposed to be for fun
I certainly am not one of those ladies "
Well, definitely not you. I am just saying what I have met here so everyone can speak about his or her own experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got to have a connection with the other person either way for it to even get to that point . Whatever that may be. But I agree with you as women it's much easier option wise. It's finding that one you are interested in and If you really are then I think the tables turn and they decide if there is a relationship. It all depends on what you want from and with that person.  
Whatever the dynamics of any relationship, Love or Friendship it's all about being on the same page. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got to have a connection with the other person either way for it to even get to that point . Whatever that may be. But I agree with you as women it's much easier option wise. It's finding that one you are interested in and If you really are then I think the tables turn and they decide if there is a relationship. It all depends on what you want from and with that person.
Whatever the dynamics of any relationship, Love or Friendship it's all about being on the same page."
Well, I totally agree but being in here at least to me as I understand it is about fun & I am struggling to get my head around wanting a relationship here. It could be ok and nothing wrong with it but I always have the feeling, folks on here are looking for fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think one of the biggest mistakes guys make is failing to realise that women can want sex for the fun, the thrill and the enjoyment of it just as much as men.
Relationships are completely different. In nature, the male sows while the female harvests, and that brings different wants, needs and desires. As evolved humans, rapidly shaking off peer pressure from dead people, attitudes towards relationships are also evolving. In many respects it boils down to understanding the difference between love and sex, ideally in a relationship you will have love and sex, but you don’t need love to have sex, or a relationship."
And you don't always need sex to have love ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got to have a connection with the other person either way for it to even get to that point . Whatever that may be. But I agree with you as women it's much easier option wise. It's finding that one you are interested in and If you really are then I think the tables turn and they decide if there is a relationship. It all depends on what you want from and with that person.
Whatever the dynamics of any relationship, Love or Friendship it's all about being on the same page.
Well, I totally agree but being in here at least to me as I understand it is about fun & I am struggling to get my head around wanting a relationship here. It could be ok and nothing wrong with it but I always have the feeling, folks on here are looking for fun. "
Mine was just on relationships in General .... not on the site !! I agree 100% with it being fun that's why we are here. That was probably confusing...  I was more answering as far as being a Woman!! |
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I think that part of the explanation for this is how single men are constructed and understood, as compared with single women.
Men don’t always get off lightly- e.g single men might be portrayed as immature, beer swilling and likely to end up living in a studio flat surrounded by pizza boxes without a woman in his life to make him grow up.
But single men are also bachelors. There isn’t an equivalent term for labelling single women- she is a spinster, a crazy cat lady, her eggs will dry up and her job won’t love her back. We can see in this thread that she is typically portrayed as longing for a good guy to settle down with.
Never mind my PhD and my dream career. I have actually had friends tell me “don’t worry, HE will be along soon”
As such, single men are constructed as being in a position of power and choice
These culturally specific narratives and ways of understanding then shape people’s subjective experiences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to disagree to what you're saying in some respect OP.
I could never just walk up to a guy in a bar and get sex... Not because its not my thing but I know the answer would be a no. I was single for 9 years before I met my ex and even on nights out would occasionally get a snog and nothing more.
Right now, I am perfectly happy being single but at the same time if the right person was to come along romantically I wouldn't say no. You never know where or when you could meet that person... |
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you lot. Appreciate your views so much. 