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Sexless relationship
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question for friend 
If your relationship was sexless and you loved sex and tried interacting but not fruitful.
What would be your next plan "
Talk to my partner |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"Question for friend
If your relationship was sexless and you loved sex and tried interacting but not fruitful.
What would be your next plan
Talk to my partner"
this communication is the key |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"And if she just had no intrest in sex at all?"
then they have to decide wether being in a sexless relationship is for them? Do they love them enough to stay , or are they allowed to get it elsewhere
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Its different for each person, with lots of variables on the relationship status, I think the hardest is the ones who cheat on a loved one without telling the person they are essentially using for sex.
Honest communication is important |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What I wouldn't do is search for sex elsewhere unless my partner was in full agreement.
Your friend needs to decide if he can live in a sexless relationship, and if not, leave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm married and our sex life isnt sexles.
Its a one way street I dont get to have full sex just tease her and bring her to her climax then I have to finish myself off.
If I try to move in to her I'm firmly told no carry on doing what you were.
I've explained it to her but it falls on deaf ears.
But that aside she is the woman I love. So very unlikely I will cheat I look on here but thats as far it goes. |
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That’s a very unenviable situation.
It’s pretty selfish of her to expect you to give her an orgasm and then tell you to finish yourself off. Just my opinion.
Maybe leave HER on the brink next time, and let her see how it feels? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your partner is for the want of a label ASEXUAL but the problem we as a forum have is that we don’t know any details of your relationship apart from you’re not getting your knob wet so we can just throw stuff at you which is not really helpful to you or your knobs wetness.
My wife was ASEXUAL and I was a sex addict so a bit of a mismatch but I suffered from the added problem of living her for being her so like others have suggested I talked to her and listen to her and taught her how to love herself.
Now she’s not ASEXUAL and the happiest she’s ever been as am I.
If you love her then put the work in but if you just want to dump your load then you may have a problem either way we wish you the very best of luck.
T |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Your partner is for the want of a label ASEXUAL but the problem we as a forum have is that we don’t know any details of your relationship apart from you’re not getting your knob wet so we can just throw stuff at you which is not really helpful to you or your knobs wetness.
My wife was ASEXUAL and I was a sex addict so a bit of a mismatch but I suffered from the added problem of living her for being her so like others have suggested I talked to her and listen to her and taught her how to love herself.
Now she’s not ASEXUAL and the happiest she’s ever been as am I.
If you love her then put the work in but if you just want to dump your load then you may have a problem either way we wish you the very best of luck.
T"
Very good advice to take away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm married and our sex life isnt sexles.
Its a one way street I dont get to have full sex just tease her and bring her to her climax then I have to finish myself off.
If I try to move in to her I'm firmly told no carry on doing what you were.
I've explained it to her but it falls on deaf ears.
But that aside she is the woman I love. So very unlikely I will cheat I look on here but thats as far it goes."
My ex used to do this she'd promise something we'd start getting down to something, she'd cum the roll over and moan at me if I touched her again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a difficult situation and one I have been living with for a decade.
I am madly in love with my beautiful wife. She will admit to never ever thinking about sex and never masturbating.
She enjoys sex when we have it but its pretty demoralising and demeaning to have to almost beg for it.
Ive discussed it on here before, and it was clear that the blame was laid clearly at my feet by people who have never met either of us and have no idea!
I would continue the communication. What could go wrong that wont go wrong anyway if dissatisfaction and resentment is allowed to increase... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its a difficult situation and one I have been living with for a decade.
I am madly in love with my beautiful wife. She will admit to never ever thinking about sex and never masturbating.
She enjoys sex when we have it but its pretty demoralising and demeaning to have to almost beg for it.
Ive discussed it on here before, and it was clear that the blame was laid clearly at my feet by people who have never met either of us and have no idea!
I would continue the communication. What could go wrong that wont go wrong anyway if dissatisfaction and resentment is allowed to increase..."
I am in the same boat. We talked though my 40’s about the problem as our sex life died. In the end, about two years ago, I said I didn’t want to leave but I also didn’t want to live like this so she said I should find comfort else where as long as I was discrete and did not fall in love with the other woman.
I eventually ended up here and it has been fun and I have meet great people (virtually) but the reality is I am a married man and so viewed as one of the untouchables. Because of this I realise there is no realistic solution to my predicament so I have two choices and I would rather be there for my children and live with my best friend than pretend to be single to get comfort that way. But in trying to make myself ‘marketable’ I have lost weight and really moving forward in learning the piano so there is a silver lining in everything
Sadly, sometimes, the choice is made for us. I wish you better luck that I on your search.  |
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Honestly, I don't know it's such a difficult and emotive subject to navigate. Is it temporary caused by illness or some life situation or is it permanent? Is it because you've changed in some way or they have? So many variables. If talking doesn't work then I think there's a case for ultimatums to be issued or at least the frank statement that lack of sex is causing issues that are affecting you adversely and effective communication needs to be restarted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its a difficult situation and one I have been living with for a decade.
I am madly in love with my beautiful wife. She will admit to never ever thinking about sex and never masturbating.
She enjoys sex when we have it but its pretty demoralising and demeaning to have to almost beg for it.
Ive discussed it on here before, and it was clear that the blame was laid clearly at my feet by people who have never met either of us and have no idea!
I would continue the communication. What could go wrong that wont go wrong anyway if dissatisfaction and resentment is allowed to increase..."
I know your situation only too well totally knocks your confidence and makes you feel like shit. |
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My understanding is that this is a very common issue with non-fab women. After kids or whatever just lose interest in sex.
Honestly, most of my married male friends are sex-starved.
This is my understanding of why men chest so much.
Unfortunately for them, they feel guilt with cheating, as is the case with many guys, so they just go on to accept the lack of sex. |
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"Its a difficult situation and one I have been living with for a decade.
I am madly in love with my beautiful wife. She will admit to never ever thinking about sex and never masturbating.
She enjoys sex when we have it but its pretty demoralising and demeaning to have to almost beg for it.
Ive discussed it on here before, and it was clear that the blame was laid clearly at my feet by people who have never met either of us and have no idea!
I would continue the communication. What could go wrong that wont go wrong anyway if dissatisfaction and resentment is allowed to increase...
I am in the same boat. We talked though my 40’s about the problem as our sex life died. In the end, about two years ago, I said I didn’t want to leave but I also didn’t want to live like this so she said I should find comfort else where as long as I was discrete and did not fall in love with the other woman.
I eventually ended up here and it has been fun and I have meet great people (virtually) but the reality is I am a married man and so viewed as one of the untouchables. Because of this I realise there is no realistic solution to my predicament so I have two choices and I would rather be there for my children and live with my best friend than pretend to be single to get comfort that way. But in trying to make myself ‘marketable’ I have lost weight and really moving forward in learning the piano so there is a silver lining in everything
Sadly, sometimes, the choice is made for us. I wish you better luck that I on your search. "
That's tough.
I feel for you. My situation was similar and in the end I moved out (there were other things at play).
It was so hard and I miss my kids like mad.
Our relationship has improved and we are talking about a reconciliation but so many thinks would need to be different.
I admire you for sticking at it. Be careful through cos your happiness is important too.
Good luck |
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"I'm married and our sex life isnt sexles.
Its a one way street I dont get to have full sex just tease her and bring her to her climax then I have to finish myself off.
If I try to move in to her I'm firmly told no carry on doing what you were.
I've explained it to her but it falls on deaf ears.
But that aside she is the woman I love. So very unlikely I will cheat I look on here but thats as far it goes."
I'd say that was quite selfish to say the least. |
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"My understanding is that this is a very common issue with non-fab women. After kids or whatever just lose interest in sex.
Honestly, most of my married male friends are sex-starved.
This is my understanding of why men chest so much.
Unfortunately for them, they feel guilt with cheating, as is the case with many guys, so they just go on to accept the lack of sex."
A surprising amount of men dont have a high sex drive.
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that its always the woman. |
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I'm in this exact situation.
We get on sooo well, have a scream, and love each other loads. But that's where the fun stops. She thinks we should both be celibate, and no longer finds me sexually attractive. |
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"My understanding is that this is a very common issue with non-fab women. After kids or whatever just lose interest in sex.
Honestly, most of my married male friends are sex-starved.
This is my understanding of why men chest so much.
Unfortunately for them, they feel guilt with cheating, as is the case with many guys, so they just go on to accept the lack of sex.
A surprising amount of men dont have a high sex drive.
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that its always the woman."
I agree. I've had women friends whose husbands just aren't interested. The biggest problem for them was lack of intimacy, no hugging, hand holding etc. Both women I knew in that situation had affairs the main motivation for which was to feel loved and wanted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would comunicate my feelings and expressed to my partner my needs and listen to there thoughts on the matter and if we could et come to some sort of compromise either by deciding to try to engage in more sexual activity between our self's or opening up our relationship to others then I would suggest calling it a day with that person |
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By *RayMan
over a year ago
essex |
"Your partner is for the want of a label ASEXUAL but the problem we as a forum have is that we don’t know any details of your relationship apart from you’re not getting your knob wet so we can just throw stuff at you which is not really helpful to you or your knobs wetness.
My wife was ASEXUAL and I was a sex addict so a bit of a mismatch but I suffered from the added problem of living her for being her so like others have suggested I talked to her and listen to her and taught her how to love herself.
Now she’s not ASEXUAL and the happiest she’s ever been as am I.
If you love her then put the work in but if you just want to dump your load then you may have a problem either way we wish you the very best of luck.
T"
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"Question for friend
If your relationship was sexless and you loved sex and tried interacting but not fruitful.
What would be your next plan "
Honestly, it's impossible to answer this for your friend as every relationship is different. Frank and open conversation is always a good start though
Mrs TMN x |
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"My next step would be actual couples counselling.
You can talk all you want, but sometimes it takes a third person to give you the tools to hear."
Yes I agree with this. A convo between yourselves can just turn into a blame game or groundhog day.
Couples councelling can be a useful tool. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There just needs to be an honest discussion.
This is a similar situation to that with my wife and I. We love each other to bits and wouldn’t be without each other, but my wife has a thing for BDSM that pre-dates our meeting.
When we got together, vanilla suited her just fine and did for many years. In the last few years however she‘s wanted to exercise her kinks and no longer gets anything from vanilla sex so nothing happens between us, but I can’t stand BDSM....even the ‘lighter end’ like shibari, restraints, etc.
We agreed to an open marriage; she gets to play with her Dom and get her kink on, I get to have my vanilla.....although she’s been far more successful than me so far! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question for friend
If your relationship was sexless and you loved sex and tried interacting but not fruitful.
What would be your next plan "
It really depends on if she is sick or just to exhausted not to have sex....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jesus. Fuck that. That's a nightmare!
"I'm in this exact situation.
We get on sooo well, have a scream, and love each other loads. But that's where the fun stops. She thinks we should both be celibate, and no longer finds me sexually attractive. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks to all who have messaged me and good luck to you all.
It seems I summed up what is happening to many men. We are all usually deemed culpable for it ourselves too. Sure we shoulder some of the blame, but for a wife to not even try is pretty poor form too.
As it happens we had a full and frank conversation (written) after a row induced by quite a lot of stress for us both in life.
She has been a little more sexually proactive and we have been a bit happier. Still miles from where I would like to be but it's a great start.
"Its a difficult situation and one I have been living with for a decade.
I am madly in love with my beautiful wife. She will admit to never ever thinking about sex and never masturbating.
She enjoys sex when we have it but its pretty demoralising and demeaning to have to almost beg for it.
Ive discussed it on here before, and it was clear that the blame was laid clearly at my feet by people who have never met either of us and have no idea!
I would continue the communication. What could go wrong that wont go wrong anyway if dissatisfaction and resentment is allowed to increase..."
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