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Dating on the spectrum
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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99% of people that I meet don’t know I fall on the autism side of spectrum it’s only when they really get to know me they start to notice my coping mechanisms it’s not something I’m ashamed of when asked I’m always completely honest about it but when I tell people here that’s why I can sometimes struggle with interactions it seems to freak them out and stop all contact. So would you meet/date someone on the spectrum |
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If I’m attracted to that person it doesn’t matter at all. My two sons are both autistic, so I’m sympathetic to anyone on the spectrum.
Hope you find someone and it’s not a big deal in the future and certainly respect that you’re honest about it as well, as you have nothing to be ashamed of   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's like anything else I guess, depends on you, the other person and the impact, if any it has on interactions. Personally, my view is we all have traits so would be no big deal really. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I find being honest about it is a double edged sword I’m not going to hide who I am as I can’t change anything but then as soon as I mention autism that seems to be a dealbreaker. As I mentioned it’s not always evident to people I am spectrum my last partner took about 3 months to realise and as soon as she did that seemed to be it |
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"I find being honest about it is a double edged sword I’m not going to hide who I am as I can’t change anything but then as soon as I mention autism that seems to be a dealbreaker. As I mentioned it’s not always evident to people I am spectrum my last partner took about 3 months to realise and as soon as she did that seemed to be it "
That's heartbreaking. So sorry for you. But, she wasn't the right one, obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find being honest about it is a double edged sword I’m not going to hide who I am as I can’t change anything but then as soon as I mention autism that seems to be a dealbreaker. As I mentioned it’s not always evident to people I am spectrum my last partner took about 3 months to realise and as soon as she did that seemed to be it
That's heartbreaking. So sorry for you. But, she wasn't the right one, obviously. "
no it’s not heartbreaking at all as you said she wasn’t the right one for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I guess what I’m trying to figure out is should I be up front about it and mention at the start of talking to someone or should I keep it to myself until asked outright |
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"I guess what I’m trying to figure out is should I be up front about it and mention at the start of talking to someone or should I keep it to myself until asked outright "
Get to know someone first, they also get to know you as well. What may put us off a person at first, will not necessarily be an issue later once you get to know them fully.
If something comes up during a conversation, that you realise is because of being on the spectrum, then maybe clear about your condition. But till then it’s a getting to know you exercise and enjoy it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP as someone who is also on the spectrum and is fairly high functioning so as you said it isn't always apparent i totally understand.
I will say that it is perfectly possible to have a loving and functional relationship. I didn't think I would ever find somebody that could cope with me and well let's be honest I'm a bit of a pain in the arse and a bit of a nightmare. I did tell him fairly early on because in the past I've hidden it and people have just thought I'm being difficult or unreasonable.
Now im unashamedly me, I'm not gonna deny that there hasn't been challenges but on the whole it works well. Only disclose what you feel comfortable with however I really have found not hiding who I really am to be very empowering and has made my life a lot easier and happier.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My youngest son is on the Spectrum and he’s one of the most beautiful, sweetest souls I have ever met.
If I met a man half as lovely as he is then I would consider myself lucky.
"
you are truly a sweetheart |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"99% of people that I meet don’t know I fall on the autism side of spectrum it’s only when they really get to know me they start to notice my coping mechanisms it’s not something I’m ashamed of when asked I’m always completely honest about it but when I tell people here that’s why I can sometimes struggle with interactions it seems to freak them out and stop all contact. So would you meet/date someone on the spectrum "
Good afternoon, I’m Michael & I have Aspergers so I know how you feel about struggling with interactions. If you ever need a friend to chat I’m more than happy for you to message me , it would be nice to chat to someone who understands.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP as someone who is also on the spectrum and is fairly high functioning so as you said it isn't always apparent i totally understand.
I will say that it is perfectly possible to have a loving and functional relationship. I didn't think I would ever find somebody that could cope with me and well let's be honest I'm a bit of a pain in the arse and a bit of a nightmare. I did tell him fairly early on because in the past I've hidden it and people have just thought I'm being difficult or unreasonable.
Now im unashamedly me, I'm not gonna deny that there hasn't been challenges but on the whole it works well. Only disclose what you feel comfortable with however I really have found not hiding who I really am to be very empowering and has made my life a lot easier and happier.
"
I find when I’m honest about it people either stop talking or start treating me with the kiddy gloves and treating me different which I hate I’m not broken just slightly faulty lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"99% of people that I meet don’t know I fall on the autism side of spectrum it’s only when they really get to know me they start to notice my coping mechanisms it’s not something I’m ashamed of when asked I’m always completely honest about it but when I tell people here that’s why I can sometimes struggle with interactions it seems to freak them out and stop all contact. So would you meet/date someone on the spectrum
Good afternoon, I’m Michael & I have Aspergers so I know how you feel about struggling with interactions. If you ever need a friend to chat I’m more than happy for you to message me , it would be nice to chat to someone who understands. "
thank you that is very kind of you |
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"I guess what I’m trying to figure out is should I be up front about it and mention at the start of talking to someone or should I keep it to myself until asked outright "
Why mention it at all ?
Unless you find yourself in a relationship that could last for the forseeable what's the point ?
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"I guess what I’m trying to figure out is should I be up front about it and mention at the start of talking to someone or should I keep it to myself until asked outright "
I don’t honestly know the answer to this. I don’t think right at the start is necessary, but maybe when you start to think it could become serious - perhaps before you get too attached to them so if they react negatively, you can see it as a lucky escape rather than something lost.
To answer the original question, yes I would date an autistic person if I liked them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP as someone who is also on the spectrum and is fairly high functioning so as you said it isn't always apparent i totally understand.
I will say that it is perfectly possible to have a loving and functional relationship. I didn't think I would ever find somebody that could cope with me and well let's be honest I'm a bit of a pain in the arse and a bit of a nightmare. I did tell him fairly early on because in the past I've hidden it and people have just thought I'm being difficult or unreasonable.
Now im unashamedly me, I'm not gonna deny that there hasn't been challenges but on the whole it works well. Only disclose what you feel comfortable with however I really have found not hiding who I really am to be very empowering and has made my life a lot easier and happier.
I find when I’m honest about it people either stop talking or start treating me with the kiddy gloves and treating me different which I hate I’m not broken just slightly faulty lol "
I would never mention it to a casual meet or somebody I'd only just started seeing.
My point was that it has made my life easier when I did start this relationship and I'm very lucky because I am probably with the world's most patient man. Also you are not faulty in any way and neither am I, our minds work differently but that doesn't mean broken. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess what I’m trying to figure out is should I be up front about it and mention at the start of talking to someone or should I keep it to myself until asked outright
Why mention it at all ?
Unless you find yourself in a relationship that could last for the forseeable what's the point ?
"
as I mentioned I have quite a few coping mechanisms some are a bit evident at time’s of stress so I can sometimes look like a bit of a weirdo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"99% of people that I meet don’t know I fall on the autism side of spectrum it’s only when they really get to know me they start to notice my coping mechanisms it’s not something I’m ashamed of when asked I’m always completely honest about it but when I tell people here that’s why I can sometimes struggle with interactions it seems to freak them out and stop all contact. So would you meet/date someone on the spectrum
Good afternoon, I’m Michael & I have Aspergers so I know how you feel about struggling with interactions. If you ever need a friend to chat I’m more than happy for you to message me , it would be nice to chat to someone who understands. thank you that is very kind of you "
It’s cool , message me any time , I don’t mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess what I’m trying to figure out is should I be up front about it and mention at the start of talking to someone or should I keep it to myself until asked outright
Why mention it at all ?
Unless you find yourself in a relationship that could last for the forseeable what's the point ?
as I mentioned I have quite a few coping mechanisms some are a bit evident at time’s of stress so I can sometimes look like a bit of a weirdo "
Mine are rather weird as well like when I'm in the supermarket in it's all a bit noisy I just put my hands over my ears and say no no no no no no! My other half is very supportive and it doesn't bother him in the slightest, he doesn't like seeing me upset but he doesn't get embarrassed by me. What I'm saying is there are people out there that will love us for us and if they don't there's not a lot we can do about it unfortunatly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the input all advice is welcome"
If your coping mechanisms work then I wouldn’t talk about being on the spectrum initially. If someone understands that you are they will either disappear if they aren’t interested or accept you.
I have some experience as I used to teach in that sector and find that quite a few guys on the spectrum use the internet as it is easier for them to mask difficulties with communication.
I had a fwb from Fab for 5 months who I understood was on the spectrum quite soon after meeting him. From my side it didn’t make any difference, I accepted that as part of his personality.
Everyone has querks and differences - it’s finding someone who likes you enough to be happy with you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the input all advice is welcome
If your coping mechanisms work then I wouldn’t talk about being on the spectrum initially. If someone understands that you are they will either disappear if they aren’t interested or accept you.
I have some experience as I used to teach in that sector and find that quite a few guys on the spectrum use the internet as it is easier for them to mask difficulties with communication.
I had a fwb from Fab for 5 months who I understood was on the spectrum quite soon after meeting him. From my side it didn’t make any difference, I accepted that as part of his personality.
Everyone has querks and differences - it’s finding someone who likes you enough to be happy with you."
I struggle more talking online as I sometimes use looking at facial expressions to help me with interactions don’t really know how to explain that one better |
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By *ot-AshMan
over a year ago
London |
The simple answer is yes and I am dating someone on the spectrum....it does have its challenges but we always over come them.
I have learnt not to say certain words like Pen or get a coffee from Starbucks with her name on the cup and that she can be very unpredictable and I actually have got used to it although there are still new things that happen from time to time that I didnt know about but I still think she is wonderful and love her very much and how she can break out into song at 3am in the morning.
I used to find it upsetting when she would break out into her no no nos but now I just join in with her even in the supermarket |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The simple answer is yes and I am dating someone on the spectrum....it does have its challenges but we always over come them.
I have learnt not to say certain words like Pen or get a coffee from Starbucks with her name on the cup and that she can be very unpredictable and I actually have got used to it although there are still new things that happen from time to time that I didnt know about but I still think she is wonderful and love her very much and how she can break out into song at 3am in the morning.
I used to find it upsetting when she would break out into her no no nos but now I just join in with her even in the supermarket "
I think one of my quirkier ones is I need to get up at 2:22 every morning and check all my doors are locked |
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I found most dates I have been on nobody noticed as I had by that point built up as you say coping mechanisms. And I was fairly comfortable in those environments anyway.
It’s only two dates who have noticed with one asking me outright. Not in a shitty way but by way of conversation. Funnily enough both worked in education.
I have done well on here and real life. But when dating for a period of time and some of the walls come down I’m a nightmare especially when some of my routines are threatened or I’m crowded.
It’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I found most dates I have been on nobody noticed as I had by that point built up as you say coping mechanisms. And I was fairly comfortable in those environments anyway.
It’s only two dates who have noticed with one asking me outright. Not in a shitty way but by way of conversation. Funnily enough both worked in education.
I have done well on here and real life. But when dating for a period of time and some of the walls come down I’m a nightmare especially when some of my routines are threatened or I’m crowded.
It’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. "
yes pretty much my whole week is one big routine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the input all advice is welcome
If your coping mechanisms work then I wouldn’t talk about being on the spectrum initially. If someone understands that you are they will either disappear if they aren’t interested or accept you.
I have some experience as I used to teach in that sector and find that quite a few guys on the spectrum use the internet as it is easier for them to mask difficulties with communication.
I had a fwb from Fab for 5 months who I understood was on the spectrum quite soon after meeting him. From my side it didn’t make any difference, I accepted that as part of his personality.
Everyone has querks and differences - it’s finding someone who likes you enough to be happy with you. I struggle more talking online as I sometimes use looking at facial expressions to help me with interactions don’t really know how to explain that one better "
Yes I understand that and everybody can misunderstand messages because you don’t have voice tone or expression to form part of the picture.
Guys that message me often say that they are not very good writing messages and prefer talking on the phone or camming so you could use those options, particularly as meeting up isn’t so easy anymore. Ask if anyone wants to chat via zoom as you would like some contact with some real people? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found most dates I have been on nobody noticed as I had by that point built up as you say coping mechanisms. And I was fairly comfortable in those environments anyway.
It’s only two dates who have noticed with one asking me outright. Not in a shitty way but by way of conversation. Funnily enough both worked in education.
I have done well on here and real life. But when dating for a period of time and some of the walls come down I’m a nightmare especially when some of my routines are threatened or I’m crowded.
It’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. yes pretty much my whole week is one big routine "
Likewise. I think back can be one of the biggest challenges for anyone who is close to us. I really do not cope with uncertainty or any kind of change, I know that's one thing my partner does struggle with but we find a way to get through.
I think ultimately we can only be ourselves. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I found most dates I have been on nobody noticed as I had by that point built up as you say coping mechanisms. And I was fairly comfortable in those environments anyway.
It’s only two dates who have noticed with one asking me outright. Not in a shitty way but by way of conversation. Funnily enough both worked in education.
I have done well on here and real life. But when dating for a period of time and some of the walls come down I’m a nightmare especially when some of my routines are threatened or I’m crowded.
It’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. yes pretty much my whole week is one big routine
Likewise. I think back can be one of the biggest challenges for anyone who is close to us. I really do not cope with uncertainty or any kind of change, I know that's one thing my partner does struggle with but we find a way to get through.
I think ultimately we can only be ourselves. X"
one of the big things for me is letting people into my house I need to really trust someone before I can do it a lot of people don’t understand in my house it’s just me and my dog it’s like my safe place it’s where I go to escape from everything so letting people just into my home can be a big thing for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found most dates I have been on nobody noticed as I had by that point built up as you say coping mechanisms. And I was fairly comfortable in those environments anyway.
It’s only two dates who have noticed with one asking me outright. Not in a shitty way but by way of conversation. Funnily enough both worked in education.
I have done well on here and real life. But when dating for a period of time and some of the walls come down I’m a nightmare especially when some of my routines are threatened or I’m crowded.
It’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. yes pretty much my whole week is one big routine
Likewise. I think back can be one of the biggest challenges for anyone who is close to us. I really do not cope with uncertainty or any kind of change, I know that's one thing my partner does struggle with but we find a way to get through.
I think ultimately we can only be ourselves. X one of the big things for me is letting people into my house I need to really trust someone before I can do it a lot of people don’t understand in my house it’s just me and my dog it’s like my safe place it’s where I go to escape from everything so letting people just into my home can be a big thing for me "
Ohh I can so relate to this. It took almost a year before I felt comfortable with him being in house. The key is to find someone that can see past the difficulties and see you. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I found most dates I have been on nobody noticed as I had by that point built up as you say coping mechanisms. And I was fairly comfortable in those environments anyway.
It’s only two dates who have noticed with one asking me outright. Not in a shitty way but by way of conversation. Funnily enough both worked in education.
I have done well on here and real life. But when dating for a period of time and some of the walls come down I’m a nightmare especially when some of my routines are threatened or I’m crowded.
It’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. yes pretty much my whole week is one big routine
Likewise. I think back can be one of the biggest challenges for anyone who is close to us. I really do not cope with uncertainty or any kind of change, I know that's one thing my partner does struggle with but we find a way to get through.
I think ultimately we can only be ourselves. X one of the big things for me is letting people into my house I need to really trust someone before I can do it a lot of people don’t understand in my house it’s just me and my dog it’s like my safe place it’s where I go to escape from everything so letting people just into my home can be a big thing for me
Ohh I can so relate to this. It took almost a year before I felt comfortable with him being in house. The key is to find someone that can see past the difficulties and see you. X"
I’m always hopeful and looking for that key |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And I will find it I might be a big beautiful basket of bat shit crazy but life will never be dull and I’ll always make people laugh and smile. Thank you everyone you have all made my day with being so nice X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And I will find it I might be a big beautiful basket of bat shit crazy but life will never be dull and I’ll always make people laugh and smile. Thank you everyone you have all made my day with being so nice X"
You sound lovely. Hope you find someone who appreciates you for you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And I will find it I might be a big beautiful basket of bat shit crazy but life will never be dull and I’ll always make people laugh and smile. Thank you everyone you have all made my day with being so nice X
You sound lovely. Hope you find someone who appreciates you for you. "
Well thank you x |
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