FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Flowers on a first Meet
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"I don’t like cut flowers. A bar of galaxy would do me. Or a bottle of Lambrini. " My type of gal !!!!!!!!! | |||
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"Thanks for the honest answers, I'm a bit of an old school romantic at times so I love flowers on a first date and I guess I just extended it to fab meets as well. I've never got a complaint, most women are just a bit shocked tbh. But again maybe it's a difference in culture. I used to do the same back home (in the Caribbean where I'm from) and even when I knew the person was coming over to have sex. For me personally I'd love to walk with a bottle of Prosecco, 2 glasses and some flowers, we chat and then let things flow from there (yes I know I'm weird lol)" To me flowers or gifts in general are a romantic gesture. That's not what I'm doing on Fab. | |||
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"I don’t like cut flowers. A bar of galaxy would do me. Or a bottle of Lambrini. " Would the bar of Galaxy be for sharing? Or does that depend on how well the bloke does on the meet? | |||
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"I don’t like cut flowers. A bar of galaxy would do me. Or a bottle of Lambrini. Would the bar of Galaxy be for sharing? Or does that depend on how well the bloke does on the meet? " Depends on how big the bar was | |||
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"I don’t like cut flowers. A bar of galaxy would do me. Or a bottle of Lambrini. Would the bar of Galaxy be for sharing? Or does that depend on how well the bloke does on the meet? Depends on how big the bar was " I’ll make sure it’s one that needs two people to lift | |||
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"I don’t like cut flowers. A bar of galaxy would do me. Or a bottle of Lambrini. Would the bar of Galaxy be for sharing? Or does that depend on how well the bloke does on the meet? Depends on how big the bar was I’ll make sure it’s one that needs two people to lift " Now if you could just do that with the bottle of Lambrini as well.... | |||
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"From someone i know well, wonderful Although i usually get apology flowers From a Fab meet? A bit creepy" Sex food is nice though | |||
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"From someone i know well, wonderful Although i usually get apology flowers From a Fab meet? A bit creepy Sex food is nice though " Post coitus snacks are always going to be known as sex food now I like that | |||
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"I’d like a new car. Now that’s a gift " christ thats upping it just a bit | |||
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"Thanks for the honest answers, I'm a bit of an old school romantic at times so I love flowers on a first date and I guess I just extended it to fab meets as well. I've never got a complaint, most women are just a bit shocked tbh. But again maybe it's a difference in culture. I used to do the same back home (in the Caribbean where I'm from) and even when I knew the person was coming over to have sex. For me personally I'd love to walk with a bottle of Prosecco, 2 glasses and some flowers, we chat and then let things flow from there (yes I know I'm weird lol)" If a man bought me Prosecco, I would know that I'd made a terrible mistake Cos he wouldnt be my type at all | |||
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"I’d like a new car. Now that’s a gift christ thats upping it just a bit " Trust me; I’m worth it | |||
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"I read that someone turned up for a first time meeting in a coffee shop with a bin bag full of sex toys " That would make me laugh Then I'd run | |||
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"I’d like a new car. Now that’s a gift " Matchbox or airfix? | |||
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"I’d like a new car. Now that’s a gift Matchbox or airfix? " Ah. Liking the lateral thinking #cheapskate | |||
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"On Fab I'd find it incredibly weird" Weird and creepy creepy creepy. Besides that, it shows me the mindset of the giver towards women and a complete lack of awareness of my preferences. Flowers belong growing, not intensely farmed to then die in a vase on a table. | |||
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"I’d like a new car. Now that’s a gift Matchbox or airfix? Ah. Liking the lateral thinking #cheapskate " At least would be new and not second hand. | |||
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"On Fab I'd find it incredibly weird Weird and creepy creepy creepy. Besides that, it shows me the mindset of the giver towards women and a complete lack of awareness of my preferences. Flowers belong growing, not intensely farmed to then die in a vase on a table." So that’s a maybe then. | |||
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"On a fucking Fab meet, I’m done " Could you bring me a pasty instead please | |||
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"I’d like a new car. Now that’s a gift Matchbox or airfix? Ah. Liking the lateral thinking #cheapskate At least would be new and not second hand. " I don’t mind second hand.... a nice s line BMW Z4 perhaps | |||
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"I was given a book on a meet. We had previously messaged a fair bit, so kinda knew each other for the book being given not to be creepy. But..I was once given a thank you card and a flower on the way for a social/meet and that was a bit much I thought!" What about a kebab? | |||
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"Thanks for the honest answers, I'm a bit of an old school romantic at times so I love flowers on a first date and I guess I just extended it to fab meets as well. I've never got a complaint, most women are just a bit shocked tbh. But again maybe it's a difference in culture. I used to do the same back home (in the Caribbean where I'm from) and even when I knew the person was coming over to have sex. For me personally I'd love to walk with a bottle of Prosecco, 2 glasses and some flowers, we chat and then let things flow from there (yes I know I'm weird lol)" You've had a good reception when offering because nobody would be horrible about it. Women also spend their lives checking their reactions, behaviours and dialogue on a subconscious and intuitive level to protect themselves from retaliation. | |||
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"Thanks for the honest answers, I'm a bit of an old school romantic at times so I love flowers on a first date and I guess I just extended it to fab meets as well. I've never got a complaint, most women are just a bit shocked tbh. But again maybe it's a difference in culture. I used to do the same back home (in the Caribbean where I'm from) and even when I knew the person was coming over to have sex. For me personally I'd love to walk with a bottle of Prosecco, 2 glasses and some flowers, we chat and then let things flow from there (yes I know I'm weird lol) You've had a good reception when offering because nobody would be horrible about it. Women also spend their lives checking their reactions, behaviours and dialogue on a subconscious and intuitive level to protect themselves from retaliation." Isn't that the truth | |||
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"Enjoying the wide range of responses thus far, much thanks again for all who have contributed to this discussion." Have you actually learned anything though? | |||
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"Thanks for the honest answers, I'm a bit of an old school romantic at times so I love flowers on a first date and I guess I just extended it to fab meets as well. I've never got a complaint, most women are just a bit shocked tbh. But again maybe it's a difference in culture. I used to do the same back home (in the Caribbean where I'm from) and even when I knew the person was coming over to have sex. For me personally I'd love to walk with a bottle of Prosecco, 2 glasses and some flowers, we chat and then let things flow from there (yes I know I'm weird lol) You've had a good reception when offering because nobody would be horrible about it. Women also spend their lives checking their reactions, behaviours and dialogue on a subconscious and intuitive level to protect themselves from retaliation. Isn't that the truth" But you demonstrate here and in most of your other posts that you don't understand that. | |||
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"I wish someone would bring me gifts even if it is one flower x Nobody has ever brought me flowers X" Awww, that just makes me want to buy you a gift. xx | |||
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"I was given a book on a meet. We had previously messaged a fair bit, so kinda knew each other for the book being given not to be creepy. But..I was once given a thank you card and a flower on the way for a social/meet and that was a bit much I thought!" I don't find your book example weird at all. Sounds like the start of a friendship after virtual chatting. | |||
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"I was given a book on a meet. We had previously messaged a fair bit, so kinda knew each other for the book being given not to be creepy. But..I was once given a thank you card and a flower on the way for a social/meet and that was a bit much I thought! I don't find your book example weird at all. Sounds like the start of a friendship after virtual chatting. " I was really touched by the book, it was a lovely gesture and pretty classy of him | |||
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"I was given a book on a meet. We had previously messaged a fair bit, so kinda knew each other for the book being given not to be creepy. But..I was once given a thank you card and a flower on the way for a social/meet and that was a bit much I thought! What about a kebab? " I don't like kebabs but I'll have curry sauce and chips | |||
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"Thanks for the honest answers, I'm a bit of an old school romantic at times so I love flowers on a first date and I guess I just extended it to fab meets as well. I've never got a complaint, most women are just a bit shocked tbh. But again maybe it's a difference in culture. I used to do the same back home (in the Caribbean where I'm from) and even when I knew the person was coming over to have sex. For me personally I'd love to walk with a bottle of Prosecco, 2 glasses and some flowers, we chat and then let things flow from there (yes I know I'm weird lol) You've had a good reception when offering because nobody would be horrible about it. Women also spend their lives checking their reactions, behaviours and dialogue on a subconscious and intuitive level to protect themselves from retaliation." Heck yes. I'd pretend to be grateful, because I have to, and find it incredibly weird. | |||
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"I like it everyone is different though. I don’t think it’s creepy or weird. Standing outside my window having wank would be weird and creepy " That made me lol ! X | |||
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"I like it everyone is different though. I don’t think it’s creepy or weird. Standing outside my window having wank would be weird and creepy " | |||
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"I like it everyone is different though. I don’t think it’s creepy or weird. Standing outside my window having wank would be weird and creepy " During the first lockdown, a guy actually said he'd like to do that Pull up outside my house and wank while I watched him from the window He was perfectly serious too | |||
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"I love it, such a sweet thought. I've had 3 guys bring me flowers, and I've also turned up for meets with little gifts. Its nice to be nice. " Let's hope he can see that all women are different and not just assume any stereotype he attributes to us is valid | |||
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"I love it, such a sweet thought. I've had 3 guys bring me flowers, and I've also turned up for meets with little gifts. Its nice to be nice. Let's hope he can see that all women are different and not just assume any stereotype he attributes to us is valid " Even with all these different responses,I'm sure we will just be branched into the same bracket anyways. | |||
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"I like it everyone is different though. I don’t think it’s creepy or weird. Standing outside my window having wank would be weird and creepy " I said sorry! | |||
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"I was given a book on a meet. We had previously messaged a fair bit, so kinda knew each other for the book being given not to be creepy. But..I was once given a thank you card and a flower on the way for a social/meet and that was a bit much I thought! I don't find your book example weird at all. Sounds like the start of a friendship after virtual chatting. I was really touched by the book, it was a lovely gesture and pretty classy of him " Back in my country I used to almost always gift a woman with a copy of Paulo Coelho The Alchemist,not as a first date gift though but while dating. One of the most influential books I've ever read. | |||
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"I wouldn't do it on a first date never mind a first meet. Each to their own though." This | |||
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"I have to agree with the points made upthread - when I was younger, I had a couple of men turn nasty when buying me dinner didn't result in sex and ever since then, I've been wary. For me, a first meet is a chance to have a chat and see if there's any chemistry there. What if he turns up with flowers (or any other gift) and I don't fancy him? Do I take the flowers and say nothing in case he gets aggressive? Do I refuse the flowers and say, "Sorry but I don't fancy you?" It's a bit of a minefield. " To me personally it's about being kind to someone as you don't know if they had a rough day and a flowers from a stranger might be the way of sunshine they needed. It's not about expecting anything in return tbh it's just trying to put a little more kindness and compassion in a world that sorely needs it. I've had first dates that didn't lead to second dates and that was ok, it wasn't meant to be, you be a man and move on, don't harp on it, not everyone is going to like you and I think it takes maturity (not necessarily age) for people to understand that. | |||
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"I like it everyone is different though. I don’t think it’s creepy or weird. Standing outside my window having wank would be weird and creepy " Not if you don't catch me it isn't. | |||
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"I have to agree with the points made upthread - when I was younger, I had a couple of men turn nasty when buying me dinner didn't result in sex and ever since then, I've been wary. For me, a first meet is a chance to have a chat and see if there's any chemistry there. What if he turns up with flowers (or any other gift) and I don't fancy him? Do I take the flowers and say nothing in case he gets aggressive? Do I refuse the flowers and say, "Sorry but I don't fancy you?" It's a bit of a minefield. To me personally it's about being kind to someone as you don't know if they had a rough day and a flowers from a stranger might be the way of sunshine they needed. It's not about expecting anything in return tbh it's just trying to put a little more kindness and compassion in a world that sorely needs it. I've had first dates that didn't lead to second dates and that was ok, it wasn't meant to be, you be a man and move on, don't harp on it, not everyone is going to like you and I think it takes maturity (not necessarily age) for people to understand that. " But this isn't about you and your intentions, it's about how it's recieved. Many women here have told you their negative feelings towards receiving flowers yet you continue to insist it's a lovely gesture. You've had examples of awful situations women have been placed in receiving a token gift yet you still haven't acknowledged it but turned it yet again into you banging your own drum. Please, stop talking and start listening. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda ." Are we talking 'dates' as in those leading to a romantic thing? Or Fab meets? Im a little confused | |||
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"I like it everyone is different though. I don’t think it’s creepy or weird. Standing outside my window having wank would be weird and creepy " Oh but that might just be how he shows affection | |||
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"I would only accept flowers on fab meet if it was my birthday that day." Fair do's. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda ." You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. Where to sit on a bus or even sit at all was a common theme when I was a teenager for fear of being groped, girls and women are fair game and you only have to read the vast majority of messages sent treating us as free, disposable sex toys to know that giving flowers on a meet will put some in a very awkward and difficult situation. I don't want cut flowers because they have been grown only for profit. If nothing else, how do I tell you that when they are in my hands, without seeming like an an ungrateful cow? If I don't tell you, you may end up buying more that I don't want. | |||
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"I would only accept flowers on fab meet if it was my birthday that day. Fair do's." Otherwise it would be odd. Chocolate on the other hand.. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda . You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. Where to sit on a bus or even sit at all was a common theme when I was a teenager for fear of being groped, girls and women are fair game and you only have to read the vast majority of messages sent treating us as free, disposable sex toys to know that giving flowers on a meet will put some in a very awkward and difficult situation. I don't want cut flowers because they have been grown only for profit. If nothing else, how do I tell you that when they are in my hands, without seeming like an an ungrateful cow? If I don't tell you, you may end up buying more that I don't want. " PREACH IT SISTER! | |||
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"Jeez what's wrong with you ladies, a lovely gesture and it's full of goodwill hopefully. " Many have explained why it's not a lovely gesture, please listen and stop negating the opinions. | |||
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"On a date, yes Meeting a regular FB, maybe First Fab meet? that feels wierd" ^^^^This^^^^ I feel it is also a romantic gesture. I would also maybe feel obliged to do more/extend the relationship even if it was just a social meet. Personally I think for some gift giving isn't charming and seen as being more of a manipulation technique. If you have a bond with someone, spending time together should be enough for them to want to be around you. Not gifts. | |||
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"Jeez what's wrong with you ladies, a lovely gesture and it's full of goodwill hopefully. " Except that most of the time it's NOT a gesture of goodwill - it's the man thinking, 'How can I increase the chances of getting this woman into bed?' And god forbid she accept the flowers and deny him sex because then she's a greedy money-grabbing cock tease. | |||
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"Jeez what's wrong with you ladies, a lovely gesture and it's full of goodwill hopefully. Except that most of the time it's NOT a gesture of goodwill - it's the man thinking, 'How can I increase the chances of getting this woman into bed?' And god forbid she accept the flowers and deny him sex because then she's a greedy money-grabbing cock tease. " Well let’s face it the man may and can think that he may be getting something...but it’s always up to the women so just accept the flowers and then float away lol | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda ." Wow. You’ve got an entire thread full of women telling you (not for the first time) that they disagree with you, and your response is to blame other men and make out you’re superior? We’re all saying it’s weird or even creepy, maybe take that on board and stop making the women you meet uncomfortable? | |||
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" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. " He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. | |||
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"I would only accept flowers on fab meet if it was my birthday that day. Fair do's. Otherwise it would be odd. Chocolate on the other hand.. " I'd give you a Mars Bar. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda . Wow. You’ve got an entire thread full of women telling you (not for the first time) that they disagree with you, and your response is to blame other men and make out you’re superior? We’re all saying it’s weird or even creepy, maybe take that on board and stop making the women you meet uncomfortable?" If he replies, I bet he will say (like he did earlier in this thread) that everyone he's given flowers to have been very happy about it. What he's ignoring is that behind that smile is possibly a woman feeling awkward, anxious and wondering what's expected of her. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda . Wow. You’ve got an entire thread full of women telling you (not for the first time) that they disagree with you, and your response is to blame other men and make out you’re superior? We’re all saying it’s weird or even creepy, maybe take that on board and stop making the women you meet uncomfortable? If he replies, I bet he will say (like he did earlier in this thread) that everyone he's given flowers to have been very happy about it. What he's ignoring is that behind that smile is possibly a woman feeling awkward, anxious and wondering what's expected of her." “Never had any complaints” - well no, because we never do complain, not when it could get us harmed. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda ." Yeah if there were no creepy men expecting something in return for flowers etc it might be perceived as a kind gesture. | |||
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" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care." It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda ." Ah yes, classic tactic, blame other men’s behaviour to make yourself look like a beacon of light amongst the gloom. I wouldn’t be comfortable giving a woman I’d never met some flowers, I’d like feel like a total plum, you don’t have to make big gestures to be kind, it’s the little things that gets noticed, giving a woman flowers seems contrived and like you’d expect something in return. | |||
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" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views" But you obviously don’t care what women think, because when we tell you what we think, you tell us we’re wrong. You said earlier that when you give women flowers, they’re “shocked”. Shock is not a positive reaction. Most of them are probably doing a high speed risk assessment and deciding it’s safer to accept the flowers and the discomfort than try to refuse. | |||
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"OP can you clarify whether you are talking 'proper' dates or Fab meets? Please? Thanks champ" He said meets, so that’s why we’re all assuming Fab meets, but I’ve seen him say it on other threads as well that have made it pretty clear that it’s Fab meets he means. | |||
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" But you obviously don’t care what women think, because when we tell you what we think, you tell us we’re wrong. You said earlier that when you give women flowers, they’re “shocked”. Shock is not a positive reaction. Most of them are probably doing a high speed risk assessment and deciding it’s safer to accept the flowers and the discomfort than try to refuse." Yes. Your intentions might be good, but if you want to know what we think, then accept the answer. Some women don't like it, early on Fab, at all on Fab, or in other contexts. Some women conceal their feelings for their own safety. That is the reality. The fact you've never had a negative reaction (openly or that you know of) doesn't change this. Listen. Don't lecture. | |||
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" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views" I wish I'd put a bet on that reply! The irony is OP, you've stated that if men didn't have hidden agendas when gift giving, women would be able to accept the gesture with comfort and yet your insistence that you are right puts you right into the category of a man to be wary of. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda . Wow. You’ve got an entire thread full of women telling you (not for the first time) that they disagree with you, and your response is to blame other men and make out you’re superior? We’re all saying it’s weird or even creepy, maybe take that on board and stop making the women you meet uncomfortable? If he replies, I bet he will say (like he did earlier in this thread) that everyone he's given flowers to have been very happy about it. What he's ignoring is that behind that smile is possibly a woman feeling awkward, anxious and wondering what's expected of her." While I'll agree that not every woman likes flowers or romantic gestures etc at least understand the point of what I'm saying. I don't do because I want a woman to put out. Like others have said on this thread, it's a sex meet so you're probably going to get some if you don't be obnoxious or unkind to the person. However I'm just thinking to myself yea why not let me try and brighten her day a bit. But as with most things across here no good deed goes unpunished. Lol and please don't think I have something against you because I don't. You're more than entitled to your views and I respect it and where you're coming from, likewise I hope I can be afforded that type of respect as well. Also sometimes it's a good thing to look at the positive and not the negative at times. My post and subsequent comments are about spreading love and goodwill and I hope at the very least you can see that | |||
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"OP can you clarify whether you are talking 'proper' dates or Fab meets? Please? Thanks champ He said meets, so that’s why we’re all assuming Fab meets, but I’ve seen him say it on other threads as well that have made it pretty clear that it’s Fab meets he means." In which case, no Bringing flowers to a casual sex meet would be decidedly odd. And a little disconcerting. Thats my opinion, OP As an educated, confident woman I apologise if it doesnt tally with yours | |||
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" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views I wish I'd put a bet on that reply! The irony is OP, you've stated that if men didn't have hidden agendas when gift giving, women would be able to accept the gesture with comfort and yet your insistence that you are right puts you right into the category of a man to be wary of." | |||
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"I like the fact you want to bring a bit of joy to someones day. It may work better as a totally random thing by plunging them into the hands of a stranger as you stride on by or leave them on the till for the person behind type of gesture. You feel good for surprising someone, someone gets a bunch of flowers and no one has to have any awkward chats or feel obliged to shag anyone. " Now that's an awsome thing to do, I've left stuff given to me I don't want in places I hope may make someone smile. A 'please help yourself' message is very simple. | |||
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" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views I wish I'd put a bet on that reply! The irony is OP, you've stated that if men didn't have hidden agendas when gift giving, women would be able to accept the gesture with comfort and yet your insistence that you are right puts you right into the category of a man to be wary of." I never said I was right. I said to thine own self be true. It's like when I'm on date sometimes and women find it weird that I don't swear and I tell them I don't (under very few exceptions and none of then have to do with anger) And they ask me if I have a problem with them swearing around me and I say no, and I add I'm accustomed to British ppl using obscene language all the time. Now I'm not imposing my will on you to follow me and not curse, I'm just saying I don't feel the need to express myself in that type of manner. It comes back to my point that that I'm not saying I'm right in giving flowers. Honestly if I'm speaking to a woman amd she tells me she doesn't like those things, guess what I ain't going to get them because it isn't for me I'm doing it for, it's for you. This how I'll sum it up, it makes me happy to see other ppl happy. When ppl achieve things I'm always the firt to congratulate them etc because I'm genuinely happy for them. It's not an act, it's just who I am and that subsequently flows into my dating life and just how I interact with ppl in general. Do I think I'm a saint no, I have a very big ego and my confidence can come across as cocky sometimes (and it is something I'm trying to work on) and I have medical issues etc so I'm not perfect nor do I try to be. All I try to do is bring ina little more positivity in this world. | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda . Wow. You’ve got an entire thread full of women telling you (not for the first time) that they disagree with you, and your response is to blame other men and make out you’re superior? We’re all saying it’s weird or even creepy, maybe take that on board and stop making the women you meet uncomfortable? If he replies, I bet he will say (like he did earlier in this thread) that everyone he's given flowers to have been very happy about it. What he's ignoring is that behind that smile is possibly a woman feeling awkward, anxious and wondering what's expected of her. While I'll agree that not every woman likes flowers or romantic gestures etc at least understand the point of what I'm saying. I don't do because I want a woman to put out. Like others have said on this thread, it's a sex meet so you're probably going to get some if you don't be obnoxious or unkind to the person. However I'm just thinking to myself yea why not let me try and brighten her day a bit. But as with most things across here no good deed goes unpunished. Lol and please don't think I have something against you because I don't. You're more than entitled to your views and I respect it and where you're coming from, likewise I hope I can be afforded that type of respect as well. Also sometimes it's a good thing to look at the positive and not the negative at times. My post and subsequent comments are about spreading love and goodwill and I hope at the very least you can see that" So are you going to take flowers with you to your next meet? You are undertaking a PhD, the epitome of a mind that has to critically think and adjust to new ideas. You have a plethora of new information,what are you going to do with it? | |||
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"I normally try to walk with flowers on a first meet. So women if a guy brings you flowers on a first meet, what would be your opinion of him (and yes I welcome all opinions even if you think the guy might be trying to overcompensate in other areas if you know what I mean) Just want a broad spectrum of answers, much thanks. " I appreciate the intention behind the gesture - but for me that could be a step towards the dating scene. Not that there is anything wrong with that as such - but there is a high risk the gesture could be interpreted as more than it was intended to be? Just a thought. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) |
" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views I wish I'd put a bet on that reply! The irony is OP, you've stated that if men didn't have hidden agendas when gift giving, women would be able to accept the gesture with comfort and yet your insistence that you are right puts you right into the category of a man to be wary of. I never said I was right. I said to thine own self be true. It's like when I'm on date sometimes and women find it weird that I don't swear and I tell them I don't (under very few exceptions and none of then have to do with anger) And they ask me if I have a problem with them swearing around me and I say no, and I add I'm accustomed to British ppl using obscene language all the time. Now I'm not imposing my will on you to follow me and not curse, I'm just saying I don't feel the need to express myself in that type of manner. It comes back to my point that that I'm not saying I'm right in giving flowers. Honestly if I'm speaking to a woman amd she tells me she doesn't like those things, guess what I ain't going to get them because it isn't for me I'm doing it for, it's for you. This how I'll sum it up, it makes me happy to see other ppl happy. When ppl achieve things I'm always the firt to congratulate them etc because I'm genuinely happy for them. It's not an act, it's just who I am and that subsequently flows into my dating life and just how I interact with ppl in general. Do I think I'm a saint no, I have a very big ego and my confidence can come across as cocky sometimes (and it is something I'm trying to work on) and I have medical issues etc so I'm not perfect nor do I try to be. All I try to do is bring ina little more positivity in this world. " You're nearly there but you're still making it all about you. You are nobody special, what you strive to be, the vast majority of other humans do to. Now you've played the medical card, a common theme in gas lighters and those trying to deflect from addressing issues as it makes the reader worry about upsetting you. Most of us have medical issues in some way or another and I don't see many of them using it for sympathy and deflection. Can you at least agree that bringing flowers to a meet will make lots of women (the vast majority on this thread as an example) uncomfortable and wary? | |||
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"I might also add that maybe British guys (and guys in general) have set the bar so low that women have come to take kindness and compassion as something to be suspicious of. I think from the comments guys need to do a lot better and maybe then women will see these acts of kindness as what they are acts of kindness with no hidden agenda . Wow. You’ve got an entire thread full of women telling you (not for the first time) that they disagree with you, and your response is to blame other men and make out you’re superior? We’re all saying it’s weird or even creepy, maybe take that on board and stop making the women you meet uncomfortable? If he replies, I bet he will say (like he did earlier in this thread) that everyone he's given flowers to have been very happy about it. What he's ignoring is that behind that smile is possibly a woman feeling awkward, anxious and wondering what's expected of her. While I'll agree that not every woman likes flowers or romantic gestures etc at least understand the point of what I'm saying. I don't do because I want a woman to put out. Like others have said on this thread, it's a sex meet so you're probably going to get some if you don't be obnoxious or unkind to the person. However I'm just thinking to myself yea why not let me try and brighten her day a bit. But as with most things across here no good deed goes unpunished. Lol and please don't think I have something against you because I don't. You're more than entitled to your views and I respect it and where you're coming from, likewise I hope I can be afforded that type of respect as well. Also sometimes it's a good thing to look at the positive and not the negative at times. My post and subsequent comments are about spreading love and goodwill and I hope at the very least you can see that So are you going to take flowers with you to your next meet? You are undertaking a PhD, the epitome of a mind that has to critically think and adjust to new ideas. You have a plethora of new information,what are you going to do with it?" I'm actually doing a Master's (hopefully I'll be starting my PhD in 2022) can't apply because I don't finish my Master's until next year (due to COVID-19) I think the thing is I don't do things to make women feel uncomfortable. I always say I go with a flow, if I feel a good vibe I'll feed into it, if not then I'll be very cautious and respectful of your space. Like I said I'm not going to change who I am because it's not the norm. Most of my peers in school smoke, I never did it because there were reasons behind it. Most of the ppl who I hang out with do cocaine, I'll never do it and I'm sure they might sometimes feel uncomfortable with that but that doesn't mean I have to change who I am to fit in. What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) |
" You simply have no idea, despite the comments and explanations and even agreeing with my earlier point that women live their lives checking themselves in case of negative reactions. He was just paying lip service and trying to sound good. He’s shown repeatedly that he has no idea what life is like for women, and doesn’t really care. It amazes me at times how ppl specifically look for something negative out of a positive. I specifically outlined my reasons for bringing flowers, so much so as to say that to me ( I can't speak for every guy) for me it is about bringing a little joy into the life of another person. I even said maybe guys need to check themselves and how they treat women so that women wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around guys. Yet some how in all of that you derive I don't care about what women think and I'm not a good person (it's insinuated not spelt out) Geez lol, you people are incredible at times (and I mean forum ppl and some not all) btw I don't think all agreed with you even though I do concur you have a consensus. But like I said to someone who inboxed now earlier and told me that lots of women do like flowers and it's a very kind gesture etc. To thine own self be true. I'm naturally a romantic guy and I don't ever try to make women feel uncomfortable or ppl in general. My personal MO is always to try in some way to enrich the life of anyone who has met me and to bring or add something good to their life (man or woman) It's why I personally try and hold my self to high standards while interacting with other people Wishing you a pleasant evening btw Anyways you're entitled to your views I wish I'd put a bet on that reply! The irony is OP, you've stated that if men didn't have hidden agendas when gift giving, women would be able to accept the gesture with comfort and yet your insistence that you are right puts you right into the category of a man to be wary of. I never said I was right. I said to thine own self be true. It's like when I'm on date sometimes and women find it weird that I don't swear and I tell them I don't (under very few exceptions and none of then have to do with anger) And they ask me if I have a problem with them swearing around me and I say no, and I add I'm accustomed to British ppl using obscene language all the time. Now I'm not imposing my will on you to follow me and not curse, I'm just saying I don't feel the need to express myself in that type of manner. It comes back to my point that that I'm not saying I'm right in giving flowers. Honestly if I'm speaking to a woman amd she tells me she doesn't like those things, guess what I ain't going to get them because it isn't for me I'm doing it for, it's for you. This how I'll sum it up, it makes me happy to see other ppl happy. When ppl achieve things I'm always the firt to congratulate them etc because I'm genuinely happy for them. It's not an act, it's just who I am and that subsequently flows into my dating life and just how I interact with ppl in general. Do I think I'm a saint no, I have a very big ego and my confidence can come across as cocky sometimes (and it is something I'm trying to work on) and I have medical issues etc so I'm not perfect nor do I try to be. All I try to do is bring ina little more positivity in this world. You're nearly there but you're still making it all about you. You are nobody special, what you strive to be, the vast majority of other humans do to. Now you've played the medical card, a common theme in gas lighters and those trying to deflect from addressing issues as it makes the reader worry about upsetting you. Most of us have medical issues in some way or another and I don't see many of them using it for sympathy and deflection. Can you at least agree that bringing flowers to a meet will make lots of women (the vast majority on this thread as an example) uncomfortable and wary?" I'm not playing a card I'm simply saying that I'm not a saint or perfect. Most women when they see me are like oh I'm so handsome etc etc, most wonder why I'm single (just today a lady asked me why am I even on fab) so normally I mention my medical history so that people don't have a high opinion about me and realise I'm just like anyone else. Fair enough xx | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May " I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. | |||
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"What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. " So you're saying (in that jumble of words, most of which is more deflection) that despite knowing the negative reaction in giving a meet flowers can bring, you are going to do it anyway? Your girlfriend is irrelevant in this scenario, your first post was about taking flowers to a meet. I have a feeling you were hoping we would all say what a wonderful man you are but when you got something else, it shocked you. We are questioning your act OP, not you. It's the difference between calling someone stupid and what they did, stupid. | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves." That's exactly it. | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it." It’s a rare quality! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) |
"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it. It’s a rare quality!" I was buying a couple of things for my son for his new home. He's a talented cook and there was an amazing frying pan on offer and a knife he'd been wanting for a while. My chef mate was with me to help I spotted two beautiful and unusual fine, white china mugs with a very unusual design but I really couldn't afford them. Guess what I got on my birthday 5 months later...I actually burst into snotty tears! | |||
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"What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. So you're saying (in that jumble of words, most of which is more deflection) that despite knowing the negative reaction in giving a meet flowers can bring, you are going to do it anyway? Your girlfriend is irrelevant in this scenario, your first post was about taking flowers to a meet. I have a feeling you were hoping we would all say what a wonderful man you are but when you got something else, it shocked you. We are questioning your act OP, not you. It's the difference between calling someone stupid and what they did, stupid. " Are you aware that over 20 women personally msged me and said they love getting flowers and that I should continue to do so. I was trying not to take it there but I felt like I had to. And for whatever ever reasons they chose not to post on the forum because they find a lot of ppl like to just basically look for any fault in something or what someone has to say. Like I said in terms of replies in the group you probably have a consensus but at the same time guess what there are lots of ppl who agree with me on giving flowers and again I don't ask questions i know the answer to. I personally expected a wide range of answers and somewhere I'm sure I commented thanks for the wide range of opinions on it. I was looking for a more even split but I'm happy with the results of the question thus far. I don't live my life to please other ok per se, I live it to make myself happy and like I said I derive my happiness by the happiness in others. I would've sent you screenshots but the mere fact that these persons chose to msg me privately and not in the group, means I wouldn't be a good person if I violated their privacy. (One lady even asked me why am I even on fab because she felt I looked attractive and I was very flattered by her because I was equally attracted to her as well) And I'm only saying it because you're trying to get at me a bit and I'm ot doing the same to you. So let me ask you should I take the advice of 23 ladies who msged me and the few in here who think getting flowers on a first meet is nice or just the rest who say no. Or should I pull from the knowledge of. Lab sides and thus give the statement I did before xx | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it. It’s a rare quality! I was buying a couple of things for my son for his new home. He's a talented cook and there was an amazing frying pan on offer and a knife he'd been wanting for a while. My chef mate was with me to help I spotted two beautiful and unusual fine, white china mugs with a very unusual design but I really couldn't afford them. Guess what I got on my birthday 5 months later...I actually burst into snotty tears!" Oh wow | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it. It’s a rare quality!" What I do (once I have the chance to) and this is for dates not fab meets I do ask a girl's friend what are her favourite flowers b4 buying them on a first date and sometimes I work the flower into the conversation to see what they like. Because I do agree most women, well probably not most but there's a fair amount of women out there who love other flowers besides roses. | |||
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"What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. So you're saying (in that jumble of words, most of which is more deflection) that despite knowing the negative reaction in giving a meet flowers can bring, you are going to do it anyway? Your girlfriend is irrelevant in this scenario, your first post was about taking flowers to a meet. I have a feeling you were hoping we would all say what a wonderful man you are but when you got something else, it shocked you. We are questioning your act OP, not you. It's the difference between calling someone stupid and what they did, stupid. Are you aware that over 20 women personally msged me and said they love getting flowers and that I should continue to do so. I was trying not to take it there but I felt like I had to. And for whatever ever reasons they chose not to post on the forum because they find a lot of ppl like to just basically look for any fault in something or what someone has to say. Like I said in terms of replies in the group you probably have a consensus but at the same time guess what there are lots of ppl who agree with me on giving flowers and again I don't ask questions i know the answer to. I personally expected a wide range of answers and somewhere I'm sure I commented thanks for the wide range of opinions on it. I was looking for a more even split but I'm happy with the results of the question thus far. I don't live my life to please other ok per se, I live it to make myself happy and like I said I derive my happiness by the happiness in others. I would've sent you screenshots but the mere fact that these persons chose to msg me privately and not in the group, means I wouldn't be a good person if I violated their privacy. (One lady even asked me why am I even on fab because she felt I looked attractive and I was very flattered by her because I was equally attracted to her as well) And I'm only saying it because you're trying to get at me a bit and I'm ot doing the same to you. So let me ask you should I take the advice of 23 ladies who msged me and the few in here who think getting flowers on a first meet is nice or just the rest who say no. Or should I pull from the knowledge of. Lab sides and thus give the statement I did before xx " Now you've done the victim thing. I've asked you simple questions and you've chosen to obfuscate. Women have told you it's fine and women have told you the very opposite. Does that mean that because you want to give flowers on a meet, you will ignore the negative emotions you will inflict on lots of women because others like it? | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it. It’s a rare quality! What I do (once I have the chance to) and this is for dates not fab meets I do ask a girl's friend what are her favourite flowers b4 buying them on a first date and sometimes I work the flower into the conversation to see what they like. Because I do agree most women, well probably not most but there's a fair amount of women out there who love other flowers besides roses. " Ok. I have favourite flowers. I wouldn't want them as a present. This fits into the stuff I don't want. Please don't try to fit me into your mould. Many women like receiving flowers. But not all do. And we're not wrong about our own preferences (and it is 2020 why do we still need to say this) | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it. It’s a rare quality! What I do (once I have the chance to) and this is for dates not fab meets I do ask a girl's friend what are her favourite flowers b4 buying them on a first date and sometimes I work the flower into the conversation to see what they like. Because I do agree most women, well probably not most but there's a fair amount of women out there who love other flowers besides roses. " Of course people love different types of flowers, what makes you think everybody wants roses? I have a mate (who happens to be a man) who adores cala lilies. I wont buy them cut but he has had two growing in a pot from me. | |||
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"I very much doubt 23 women privately messaged you. I don’t even think there’s 23 women on the forums " You said it! | |||
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"What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. So you're saying (in that jumble of words, most of which is more deflection) that despite knowing the negative reaction in giving a meet flowers can bring, you are going to do it anyway? Your girlfriend is irrelevant in this scenario, your first post was about taking flowers to a meet. I have a feeling you were hoping we would all say what a wonderful man you are but when you got something else, it shocked you. We are questioning your act OP, not you. It's the difference between calling someone stupid and what they did, stupid. Are you aware that over 20 women personally msged me and said they love getting flowers and that I should continue to do so. I was trying not to take it there but I felt like I had to. And for whatever ever reasons they chose not to post on the forum because they find a lot of ppl like to just basically look for any fault in something or what someone has to say. Like I said in terms of replies in the group you probably have a consensus but at the same time guess what there are lots of ppl who agree with me on giving flowers and again I don't ask questions i know the answer to. I personally expected a wide range of answers and somewhere I'm sure I commented thanks for the wide range of opinions on it. I was looking for a more even split but I'm happy with the results of the question thus far. I don't live my life to please other ok per se, I live it to make myself happy and like I said I derive my happiness by the happiness in others. I would've sent you screenshots but the mere fact that these persons chose to msg me privately and not in the group, means I wouldn't be a good person if I violated their privacy. (One lady even asked me why am I even on fab because she felt I looked attractive and I was very flattered by her because I was equally attracted to her as well) And I'm only saying it because you're trying to get at me a bit and I'm ot doing the same to you. So let me ask you should I take the advice of 23 ladies who msged me and the few in here who think getting flowers on a first meet is nice or just the rest who say no. Or should I pull from the knowledge of. Lab sides and thus give the statement I did before xx Now you've done the victim thing. I've asked you simple questions and you've chosen to obfuscate. Women have told you it's fine and women have told you the very opposite. Does that mean that because you want to give flowers on a meet, you will ignore the negative emotions you will inflict on lots of women because others like it?" What If a lady sees this post and wants flowers and we happen to chat and we meet and I don't give to her and she says one of 2 things 1) wow so you're the type of guy who changes his opinion because it's not the popular thing to do And/or 2) wow you're one of those guys who talk the talk but don't walk with the walk. What I don't seem to understand I was you're trying to pick a fight.i said I will take everything women said here under consideration but if I feel it's ok and I'm not going to give off a vibe to make her feel uncomfortable then why are you still upset Furthermore (and going into nerd mode a bit) your logic as it pertains to fab meets mot regular dates, is that most times you're planning to sleep with the person already, aren't you not. Let's say you're meeting a bloke at a hotel to have sex, he walks with flowers are you going to be like maybe he expects me to do something. You're already meeting at a hotel lol, he's literally just being kind to you. Now a social where you're not really sure, that's another matter, but most of my meets have been at the hotel itself and we'd rest down our stuff and the go for drinks elsewhere and come back. Anyways I'm not attacking you, im just trying to show the fallacy of your logic. | |||
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"I would welcome that ....I think it shows that their a gentleman with morals and respect...bring the flowers on " Does it?! | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May I like that, as much for the fact that he listened and remembered as the flowers themselves. That's exactly it. It’s a rare quality! I was buying a couple of things for my son for his new home. He's a talented cook and there was an amazing frying pan on offer and a knife he'd been wanting for a while. My chef mate was with me to help I spotted two beautiful and unusual fine, white china mugs with a very unusual design but I really couldn't afford them. Guess what I got on my birthday 5 months later...I actually burst into snotty tears!" Aw, this is what I love about giving and receiving gifts. Taking the time to pay attention to small things and buying something that’s actually meaningful. | |||
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"What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. So you're saying (in that jumble of words, most of which is more deflection) that despite knowing the negative reaction in giving a meet flowers can bring, you are going to do it anyway? Your girlfriend is irrelevant in this scenario, your first post was about taking flowers to a meet. I have a feeling you were hoping we would all say what a wonderful man you are but when you got something else, it shocked you. We are questioning your act OP, not you. It's the difference between calling someone stupid and what they did, stupid. Are you aware that over 20 women personally msged me and said they love getting flowers and that I should continue to do so. I was trying not to take it there but I felt like I had to. And for whatever ever reasons they chose not to post on the forum because they find a lot of ppl like to just basically look for any fault in something or what someone has to say. Like I said in terms of replies in the group you probably have a consensus but at the same time guess what there are lots of ppl who agree with me on giving flowers and again I don't ask questions i know the answer to. I personally expected a wide range of answers and somewhere I'm sure I commented thanks for the wide range of opinions on it. I was looking for a more even split but I'm happy with the results of the question thus far. I don't live my life to please other ok per se, I live it to make myself happy and like I said I derive my happiness by the happiness in others. I would've sent you screenshots but the mere fact that these persons chose to msg me privately and not in the group, means I wouldn't be a good person if I violated their privacy. (One lady even asked me why am I even on fab because she felt I looked attractive and I was very flattered by her because I was equally attracted to her as well) And I'm only saying it because you're trying to get at me a bit and I'm ot doing the same to you. So let me ask you should I take the advice of 23 ladies who msged me and the few in here who think getting flowers on a first meet is nice or just the rest who say no. Or should I pull from the knowledge of. Lab sides and thus give the statement I did before xx Now you've done the victim thing. I've asked you simple questions and you've chosen to obfuscate. Women have told you it's fine and women have told you the very opposite. Does that mean that because you want to give flowers on a meet, you will ignore the negative emotions you will inflict on lots of women because others like it? What If a lady sees this post and wants flowers and we happen to chat and we meet and I don't give to her and she says one of 2 things 1) wow so you're the type of guy who changes his opinion because it's not the popular thing to do And/or 2) wow you're one of those guys who talk the talk but don't walk with the walk. What I don't seem to understand I was you're trying to pick a fight.i said I will take everything women said here under consideration but if I feel it's ok and I'm not going to give off a vibe to make her feel uncomfortable then why are you still upset Furthermore (and going into nerd mode a bit) your logic as it pertains to fab meets mot regular dates, is that most times you're planning to sleep with the person already, aren't you not. Let's say you're meeting a bloke at a hotel to have sex, he walks with flowers are you going to be like maybe he expects me to do something. You're already meeting at a hotel lol, he's literally just being kind to you. Now a social where you're not really sure, that's another matter, but most of my meets have been at the hotel itself and we'd rest down our stuff and the go for drinks elsewhere and come back. Anyways I'm not attacking you, im just trying to show the fallacy of your logic. " She's not wrong, you don't get it, and you're not listening. | |||
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"If someone gave me flowers on a first meet I’d consider it a thoughtful gesture and accept them gratefully. Not many guys would even consider it so it would tell me a lot about their personality " It would tell me a lot too and it wouldn’t necessarily be anything good (in my opinion) | |||
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"You know what I want a man to bring to a meet? Condoms! For god’s sake, bring the bloody condoms and don’t “forget” even though I’ve told him multiple times. Flowers are no use to me and just weird for a sex meet frankly. I can’t bring them home and even if I could, why would I? I might not want a constant reminder of the meet. I don’t want an empty, pointless gesture from a semi-stranger, I want actual respect. I want my feelings and needs to be considered, not grandiose performative acts. OP, have you ever considered asking a woman what she wants first? If you treat all women as one monolithic entity and you believe you know what that “woman” entity wants, flowers won’t be the only “one size fits all” thing you’re getting wrong." This again. We should cross stitch it and frame it. Respect, not gestures | |||
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"What I will do is pay attention when getting to known someone and thus if I pick up cues they might not appreciate such a gesture then I wouldn't. However what I certainly will do is make sure they are under no obligation to have sex with me in any way. a And that goes for a regular first date. But yea I'm not going to change something that I'm doing with good intentions because of ppl opinions. Like I said I've noted the opinions and thus I will be careful in the future but yea who knows the love of my life (who loves flowers) might be disappointed because I decided to allow the opinions of others to influence me. So you're saying (in that jumble of words, most of which is more deflection) that despite knowing the negative reaction in giving a meet flowers can bring, you are going to do it anyway? Your girlfriend is irrelevant in this scenario, your first post was about taking flowers to a meet. I have a feeling you were hoping we would all say what a wonderful man you are but when you got something else, it shocked you. We are questioning your act OP, not you. It's the difference between calling someone stupid and what they did, stupid. Are you aware that over 20 women personally msged me and said they love getting flowers and that I should continue to do so. I was trying not to take it there but I felt like I had to. And for whatever ever reasons they chose not to post on the forum because they find a lot of ppl like to just basically look for any fault in something or what someone has to say. Like I said in terms of replies in the group you probably have a consensus but at the same time guess what there are lots of ppl who agree with me on giving flowers and again I don't ask questions i know the answer to. I personally expected a wide range of answers and somewhere I'm sure I commented thanks for the wide range of opinions on it. I was looking for a more even split but I'm happy with the results of the question thus far. I don't live my life to please other ok per se, I live it to make myself happy and like I said I derive my happiness by the happiness in others. I would've sent you screenshots but the mere fact that these persons chose to msg me privately and not in the group, means I wouldn't be a good person if I violated their privacy. (One lady even asked me why am I even on fab because she felt I looked attractive and I was very flattered by her because I was equally attracted to her as well) And I'm only saying it because you're trying to get at me a bit and I'm ot doing the same to you. So let me ask you should I take the advice of 23 ladies who msged me and the few in here who think getting flowers on a first meet is nice or just the rest who say no. Or should I pull from the knowledge of. Lab sides and thus give the statement I did before xx Now you've done the victim thing. I've asked you simple questions and you've chosen to obfuscate. Women have told you it's fine and women have told you the very opposite. Does that mean that because you want to give flowers on a meet, you will ignore the negative emotions you will inflict on lots of women because others like it? What If a lady sees this post and wants flowers and we happen to chat and we meet and I don't give to her and she says one of 2 things 1) wow so you're the type of guy who changes his opinion because it's not the popular thing to do And/or 2) wow you're one of those guys who talk the talk but don't walk with the walk. What I don't seem to understand I was you're trying to pick a fight.i said I will take everything women said here under consideration but if I feel it's ok and I'm not going to give off a vibe to make her feel uncomfortable then why are you still upset Furthermore (and going into nerd mode a bit) your logic as it pertains to fab meets mot regular dates, is that most times you're planning to sleep with the person already, aren't you not. Let's say you're meeting a bloke at a hotel to have sex, he walks with flowers are you going to be like maybe he expects me to do something. You're already meeting at a hotel lol, he's literally just being kind to you. Now a social where you're not really sure, that's another matter, but most of my meets have been at the hotel itself and we'd rest down our stuff and the go for drinks elsewhere and come back. Anyways I'm not attacking you, im just trying to show the fallacy of your logic. " Your OP states you take flowers to a first meet. Many women have told you the very negative things that creates for them. It's all in this thread from the vast majority of women who posted. Those 23 women could have posted here to say they thi k its lovely. They didn't. What if, when you meet that woman she wants to change her mind about fucking you but she goes ahead anyway because that's actually easier than turning you and your lovely gesture down? Knowing as you do now, that taking flowers that you've not discussed to a meet where sex has been, may elicit fear and compliance in that woman? | |||
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"I've liked flowers on precisely one occasion. I was seeing someone. He asked about Valentine's Day. I said, kind of flippantly, something like "I'd rather daisies on the fifth of May than roses on the fourteenth of February. I want to know that you think about me, not that you buy things because society tells you you should". I got a bunch of daisies on the fifth of May " Awesome. I'd have got the details jumbled and turned up with dandelions on 4th of April... | |||
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