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Stupid jokes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A guy walking out of a looney hospital with a parrot on his shoulder
And a guy asks where did you get that from
The parrot said there’s loads in there |
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"A guy walking out of a looney hospital with a parrot on his shoulder
And a guy asks where did you get that from
The parrot said there’s loads in there "
A student walks into a pub with a toad on his head. The barman nods to the toad and says "How did you come to have that?"
The toad replies "Well, it started as a boil on my arse..." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A guy walking out of a looney hospital with a parrot on his shoulder
And a guy asks where did you get that from
The parrot said there’s loads in there
A student walks into a pub with a toad on his head. The barman nods to the toad and says "How did you come to have that?"
The toad replies "Well, it started as a boil on my arse...""
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I had a bad cut on my finger
A mate said that’s a nasty cut how did that happen
I said I cut it on a split margarine tub about 3 weeks ago
I can’t believe it’s not better |
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A guy walks into a bar, and he's wearing pink shoes, pink socks, pink trousers, pink shirt, pink, waistcoat, pink cravat, pink jacket, his hair is all bouffant and there's a parrot on his shoulder.
The barman says "Where did you get him?" and the parrot replies "I won him in a raffle"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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two midgets wanted a baby. They went to the doctor, who said that would be fine. And did they want a baby girl or a boy ? the midgets said they didnt mind as long as it fitted inside a cannon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man walked into the fish shop carrying a salmon under his arm he said to the man behind the counter “you do fish cakes?” he replied “yes of course” The man carrying the salmon said “ah that’s great it’s for its birthday” ....
It was a joke on a quiz show I watched in the week lol... |
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A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"
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By *lappyMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
As a nervous flyer what’s the first thing I see when I get to the airport in big letters .... terminal
So I was sat in the departure area looking at the plane and a little old lady asked I was nervous and I nodded then she asked if it was my first time, to which I replied ... no I’ve been nervous before |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An old couple were out on their 50th wedding anniversary and they decided to go to the place where they had first met.
After they had eaten the husband goes to his wife "Hey you remember that fence out back don't you?" His wife goes "Why, yes Harold thats where we first made love" Harold then goes "Well, how about we go relive the old times, eh?".
His wife agrees, and a young man nearby follows them out, intrested to see what this is gonna be like.
The old couple get to the fence, get naked and then start rocking and bucking like their were 16 years old again! The young guy watches until they finally collapse off the fence and asks them "Its amazing you guys have still got that much stamina at your age?!". The old man, who is still kinda dazed says "Well lets put it this way kid, 50 years ago, the f@cking fence wasn't electrified!" |
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A guy saw an advert "Handy man Wanted".
The Boss said,
Any good with,
Electics?
No.
Joinery?
No.
Plumbing?
No.
Painting and Decorating?
No.
What's makes you think your a Handy man?
I only live down the road. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in Tesco earlier and this guy threw a block of cheese at me! Then he chucked a pot of yogurt at me! he then pored a pint of milk over my head!
I thought “How dairy” |
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I said to my doctor “On Wednesday I couldn’t get the song ‘Delilah’ out of my head. Then on Thursday I couldn’t stop humming The Green Green Grass of Home’ all day long”
He said “I know exactly what’s wrong with you. You’ve got Tom Jones Syndrome!”
I asked “Is that rare?”
He replied “It’s not unusual” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to the doctor and said "doctor, doctor, I keep having a poo at exactly 7am each morning"
Doctor says "thats pretty normal and nothing to worry about"
I said "but I don't wake up until 8am" |
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I so needed this thread today 
