FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why do you think people ghost?
Why do you think people ghost?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I should change my name to Sydney University  but seriously everyone, thank you, I’m getting so much usable content from here.
My next question is why do you think people ghost? If you’ve done it before then why?
For something to qualify as ghosting it must be someone that you’ve actually met and communicated with a lot and then they suddenly cut you off with no explanation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve done it because I’ve felt uncomfortable. Or, if I’m bored. Some men just cannot carry a conversation, no matter how hard I try.
People will ghost for many reasons. They’re not interested, they found someone better, they’re uncomfortable, creeped out etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I havent ghosted or been ghosted after meeting but I have been ignored the day of a meet for no reason.
I prefer the fizzle out method rather than the ghost. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Laziness, bad manners, fear. "
Pretty much that. I find a lot of people start conversations, realise someone will actually ::do:: what they like (Or whatever is in t he conversation), then ... panic. lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's because of someone bad mouthing me on the sites I am on
been blocked and ghosted too many times
on certain sites
I'm sure whoever it was is also hacking my computer  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simply because it's easier than going through a whole on line break up and explaining one's self. Selfish and cowardly perhaps but that's humans for you "
 Because it's easy to do online. The actual reasons could range from someone being too attentive to just saying the 'wrong' thing.
I would rather be told straight if someone becomes disinterested and no longer wants communication.
I sometimes have a tendency to ask 'why?' if I think I've been ghosted unless they've blocked as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because they don't have the balls to tell you they're not interested anymore.
Or...
You've made them feel uncomfortable.
They're anxious about what your reaction might be if they tell you they're not interested anymore.
They've changed their mind.
Could be a myriad of reasons.
Not necessarily ghosting, but a few years ago I spent about a month talking to someone, I thought we got on like an absolute house on fire and we were constantly messaging. He came up and he was obviously older than the face photo he sent, shorter than he claimed to be and really creepy if I'm honest. I stopped replying as often after meeting and we eventually fell out of contact. |
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Its happened to me, got along with her and met more than once..verified and just like that..gone..there are many reasons for it im sure. But it can play mind games with you if you let it..it is what it is and i think its safe to say some people do catch feelings on here.. maybe they do it to protect themself.. or its extreme jelousy.. we all have lives outside of the scene. |
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There's a guy I met on here a few years back. he was alright. We got on pretty well and I was happy enough to chat to him but not spoken for a long time.
When I came back to this profile he contacted me after a month or so. I was at the "getting over it" stage but still stung. I didn't want to talk about it as I felt it would hold me back from moving on at that point, and I was teetering between one step in front of the other and falling down a dark well, but I was defo taking baby steps forward.
I told him no offence but I don't want to talk at the mo. To read my profile text and he would understand why.
He didn't understand or seemingly give 2 fucks coz he kept messaging after I'd said I didn't want to talk and verified me twice to catch my attention over the period of the last couple of months.
His lack of space giving and constant pushing for attention is what's led me to ghost him.
I had to put a wall up.
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People ghost because they're attempting to avoid the reaction of the person they no longer wish to see.
Personally it's something I wouldn't do. I've had to block and ignore people who wouldn't take no for an answer but I will always at least let someone know I don't wish to see them anymore. I just won't argue with them about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a guy I met on here a few years back. he was alright. We got on pretty well and I was happy enough to chat to him but not spoken for a long time.
When I came back to this profile he contacted me after a month or so. I was at the "getting over it" stage but still stung. I didn't want to talk about it as I felt it would hold me back from moving on at that point, and I was teetering between one step in front of the other and falling down a dark well, but I was defo taking baby steps forward.
I told him no offence but I don't want to talk at the mo. To read my profile text and he would understand why.
He didn't understand or seemingly give 2 fucks coz he kept messaging after I'd said I didn't want to talk and verified me twice to catch my attention over the period of the last couple of months.
His lack of space giving and constant pushing for attention is what's led me to ghost him.
I had to put a wall up.
"
I’m not sure that’s ghosting, you gave him fair warning and told him to give you space, ghosting to me is when you don’t hear from someone with no explanation or when things were seemingly going okay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I recently ghosted someone caUse they get d*unk too often but i didnt want to tell them because its upto them what they do with their body. I did mention in passing that I didnt think alcolhol suited them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There’s really no one explanation to suit all circumstances when it comes to this question is there.
When answering though try and apply it to real world situations and not the site.
Also bare in mind that to truly ghost someone it’s got to be someone that you’ve met and led to believe you’d meet again and things were going well, until they ghost! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There’s really no one explanation to suit all circumstances when it comes to this question is there.
When answering though try and apply it to real world situations and not the site.
Also bare in mind that to truly ghost someone it’s got to be someone that you’ve met and led to believe you’d meet again and things were going well, until they ghost!"
Did a bloke do it to you and you’re trying to work out the reason why ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There’s really no one explanation to suit all circumstances when it comes to this question is there.
When answering though try and apply it to real world situations and not the site.
Also bare in mind that to truly ghost someone it’s got to be someone that you’ve met and led to believe you’d meet again and things were going well, until they ghost!
Did a bloke do it to you and you’re trying to work out the reason why ?"
It’s more a universal thing and I’m looking for as many reasons as possible to go in my book when a cover a section about ghosting.
When you’ve been ghosted it can sometimes make you search within and think you’ve done something wrong.
I’m trying to find as many genuine real life reasons from real people that have done it themselves to people so it can maybe bring a bit of comfort to the reader. |
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"There’s really no one explanation to suit all circumstances when it comes to this question is there.
When answering though try and apply it to real world situations and not the site.
Also bare in mind that to truly ghost someone it’s got to be someone that you’ve met and led to believe you’d meet again and things were going well, until they ghost!
Did a bloke do it to you and you’re trying to work out the reason why ?
It’s more a universal thing and I’m looking for as many reasons as possible to go in my book when a cover a section about ghosting.
When you’ve been ghosted it can sometimes make you search within and think you’ve done something wrong.
I’m trying to find as many genuine real life reasons from real people that have done it themselves to people so it can maybe bring a bit of comfort to the reader. "
I knew a girl (to clarify NOT a friend) who did it a lot because she said it was easier than telling the person she didn't want to see them any more and it also gave her a sense of power. The thought that someone is longing after her and questioning why she left them made her feel good.
Thinking back she was a bit of a dick actually. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Only the person doing the ghosting truly knows the reason why they’re doing it and each circumstance is different.
I just know from having it done to me in the past how hurtful it is and how much it can make you internalise and blame yourself.
If I could come up with a pretty solid list of reasons why people do it I’m hoping that it will help shift the blame onto the person doing the ghosting rather than the person left wondering what the fuck they did wrong.
Think we can all agree that it’s a pretty shitty cowardly thing to do. Like how could you just read someone’s message(s) that you had previously got on with, see that they know they’re being ignored and still ignore them further without explanation, often a block to go with it. |
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"Only the person doing the ghosting truly knows the reason why they’re doing it and each circumstance is different.
I just know from having it done to me in the past how hurtful it is and how much it can make you internalise and blame yourself.
If I could come up with a pretty solid list of reasons why people do it I’m hoping that it will help shift the blame onto the person doing the ghosting rather than the person left wondering what the fuck they did wrong.
Think we can all agree that it’s a pretty shitty cowardly thing to do. Like how could you just read someone’s message(s) that you had previously got on with, see that they know they’re being ignored and still ignore them further without explanation, often a block to go with it. "
Yeah I agree even if your not interested in them anymore it’s not to hard to right a small message and explain it’s a gutless thing to do IMO.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a lot of folk criticising folk for it, but surely it depends how invested you are?
There's a lot of broken people on here who can quite easily suck the life out of you emotionally if youre not careful? Sometimes cutting lose may be best? Of course if you've made declarations then honesty is best. Some people haven't learnt to deal with decisions where they aren't the good guy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts"
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign. |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign."
to much intensity by whom ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign. to much intensity by whom ? "
All parties. |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign. to much intensity by whom ?
All parties. "
see I had a guy ghost , he was more up for it than me ,, we had a social ,, arranged a second meet chatted most days the day of the meet he blocked ,, no reason no signs very odd , I did get the feeling he was attached tho as every sat night would be the only night I didnt hear from him , who knows but he did resurface couple of weeks later very odd lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are just asking about online ghosting or true ghosting? Because the two are quite different "
I totally agree. I've been ghosted in real life and that actually is very hurtful.
A lot of online contact is far more superficial I believe. A lot of the so called bond is created in one's head. Sorry! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign. to much intensity by whom ?
All parties. see I had a guy ghost , he was more up for it than me ,, we had a social ,, arranged a second meet chatted most days the day of the meet he blocked ,, no reason no signs very odd , I did get the feeling he was attached tho as every sat night would be the only night I didnt hear from him , who knows but he did resurface couple of weeks later very odd lol "
I'm not a professional so its just thoughts...thats a classic attached guy getting cold feet. I may be totally wrong.
Lets face it, some of us get butterflies before meets...half the thrill? For some they hide? |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign. to much intensity by whom ?
All parties. see I had a guy ghost , he was more up for it than me ,, we had a social ,, arranged a second meet chatted most days the day of the meet he blocked ,, no reason no signs very odd , I did get the feeling he was attached tho as every sat night would be the only night I didnt hear from him , who knows but he did resurface couple of weeks later very odd lol
I'm not a professional so its just thoughts...thats a classic attached guy getting cold feet. I may be totally wrong.
Lets face it, some of us get butterflies before meets...half the thrill? For some they hide? "
maybe I dont know, I didnt want to hear what he had to say 2/3 weeks later , it was done with the door was shut so saw no reason to open it again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its often because they are attached
They like the idea. The fantasy. The wank fodder
But then they get an attack of the guilts
Oh the chase and fantasy are no doubt elements...once yiu have something...then what? The euphoria isn't the same for some. Too much intensity is usually a warning sign. to much intensity by whom ?
All parties. see I had a guy ghost , he was more up for it than me ,, we had a social ,, arranged a second meet chatted most days the day of the meet he blocked ,, no reason no signs very odd , I did get the feeling he was attached tho as every sat night would be the only night I didnt hear from him , who knows but he did resurface couple of weeks later very odd lol
I'm not a professional so its just thoughts...thats a classic attached guy getting cold feet. I may be totally wrong.
Lets face it, some of us get butterflies before meets...half the thrill? For some they hide? maybe I dont know, I didnt want to hear what he had to say 2/3 weeks later , it was done with the door was shut so saw no reason to open it again "
I think if youre emotionally resilient enough that's best practice..let them carry the baggage.
A lot of people need an answer? It eats them up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When meeting people online purely for sex , sometimes people are more into you than you’re them.....
So sometimes you meet someone 2-3 times and you have great sex.... But for some reason you guys are not compatible for a long term fwb relationship....
But you noticed this person is getting really attached... constantly texting and liking/commenting on everything you post on social media...
You can ghost them by blocking them on all social media platforms and hopefully the get the hint and don’t turn into a stalker...
Or
You can have a conversation with them and explain why you don’t want to have sex or further contact with them......
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah I’m talking more along the lines of real life ghosting rather than online and people not from this site.
I don’t think you can call it ghosting if you’ve only messaged a few times online and not actually met the person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah I’m talking more along the lines of real life ghosting rather than online and people not from this site.
I don’t think you can call it ghosting if you’ve only messaged a few times online and not actually met the person. "
True ghosting is an abhorrent thing, and the person doing the ghosting is one of the biggest cowards out! The emotional damage rendered can be horrific with cases of the 'victim's involving the police, trawling hospitals etc just because someone wanted out! Lowlifes do it ... |
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There’s been a couple of studies on this. often people who ghost are those who believe in ‘the one’. So those who think that finding a partner is fate are more likely just to cut contact and move on.
Never done it myself
I had an fwb ghost me. We got chatting on an app a year or two later and I asked why. He said he didn’t mean to, things just got in the way and he didn’t think of it in the end |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll admit I'm a fucker for it
I can get along great from messaging but then if I meet and there's no chemistry or shite in bed then "Poof" I'm gone, just like tinkerbell leaving a little fairy dust to remember me by 
I have no hard feelings if the same is done to me, a fuck can just be that, a fuck.
Chemistry has to be mutual obviously and I owe no explanation to anyone I'm not in a relationship with.
If ghosting after forming a relationship however well that's just a cunty move. But...then again I'd rather them just disappear than feed me a speech of " you're not for me ya da ya da"
And just remember them for being a twat instead
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"I'll admit I'm a fucker for it
I can get along great from messaging but then if I meet and there's no chemistry or shite in bed then "Poof" I'm gone, just like tinkerbell leaving a little fairy dust to remember me by
I have no hard feelings if the same is done to me, a fuck can just be that, a fuck.
Chemistry has to be mutual obviously and I owe no explanation to anyone I'm not in a relationship with.
If ghosting after forming a relationship however well that's just a cunty move. But...then again I'd rather them just disappear than feed me a speech of " you're not for me ya da ya da"
And just remember them for being a twat instead
"
I agree with this. I admit I’ve ghosted, and I’ve been ghosted.
In my opinion it’s a coward’s way out, but it’s not much worse than the initial ‘no reply’ to a message, or telling your Mum to say you’re not at home (back in the day)
I take the hint and move on.
Sometimes it’s harder to accept than others, but I’m afraid that’s just life.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ghosting someone is not good. I've had it happen a few times. I'd rather them message, saying "I won't be talking to you or meeting you again" and then block me. Being suddenly cut off from contact, you don't know if they're ok unless you see them somewhere around. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does this just refer to sexual meets? Or real life friends too?"
People you’ve met and had sex with, people you were wanting to date. It’s anyone that you’ve met and appeared to be getting on with until they just stop speaking to you with no explanation, reading your messages and ignoring or just plain blocking. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I just think it’s a shit thing to do. It transfers whatever their issue or problem was onto the person they’re ghosting.
If someone shows interest in you and pursues you and you believe things are going well and then for whatever reason that someone decides they’ve had enough of you, they should say look I’ve changed my mind or I only wanted sex and now I’ve had it, or I believe you’re wanting something from me that I can’t provide or whatever reason it is. By ignoring someone or blocking them with no explanation it makes the other person think well what the fuck did I do?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had people ghost me on my old profile, what I thought were lifelong friends turns out I was only a number for them, once they closed their club, the friendship went too... a shame but thats life.
Lesson learned, it's hard at times as I still have to go past the building several times a week and the memories come flooding back... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met a girl on a vanilla dating site and we went on a few dates....
She was the polar opposite of myself... very creative, computer genius, and social activist...
I thought we would be a great match..,..
Then I went to her apartment for dinner.....
She had 4 cats , her place was a mess , and smelled of cat litter....
I politely asked her “ Do you smell something funny “ she replied “ I have no sense of smell “
Ok .... I couldn’t sit in her apartment, much less eat there. So I made my excuses and left...
For about 2 weeks, she texted everyday asking to hangout or just to talk... I would reply about every 8 hours with simple one word answers....
Then one evening I show up to my apartment and she is waiting in front of my building with cake or cookies...
I explain to her I’m very busy with work and not in a place to date someone seriously... so let me finish this project I’m working on and I’ll get back to you. When I can devote time to building a relationship... she said “ Fine , I understand “
She then went on with the constantly texting and started sending me messages on LinkedIn....
Now to all the people who think ghosting someone is cowardly....
What would you do in this situation? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does this just refer to sexual meets? Or real life friends too?
People you’ve met and had sex with, people you were wanting to date. It’s anyone that you’ve met and appeared to be getting on with until they just stop speaking to you with no explanation, reading your messages and ignoring or just plain blocking. "
I've never ghosted sex meets. I have ghosted friends. |
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"I met a girl on a vanilla dating site and we went on a few dates....
She was the polar opposite of myself... very creative, computer genius, and social activist...
I thought we would be a great match..,..
Then I went to her apartment for dinner.....
She had 4 cats , her place was a mess , and smelled of cat litter....
I politely asked her “ Do you smell something funny “ she replied “ I have no sense of smell “
Ok .... I couldn’t sit in her apartment, much less eat there. So I made my excuses and left...
For about 2 weeks, she texted everyday asking to hangout or just to talk... I would reply about every 8 hours with simple one word answers....
Then one evening I show up to my apartment and she is waiting in front of my building with cake or cookies...
I explain to her I’m very busy with work and not in a place to date someone seriously... so let me finish this project I’m working on and I’ll get back to you. When I can devote time to building a relationship... she said “ Fine , I understand “
She then went on with the constantly texting and started sending me messages on LinkedIn....
Now to all the people who think ghosting someone is cowardly....
What would you do in this situation?"
Just tell her you're not interested anymore instead of making false promises about building a relationship in the future?  Jeez and people say women are a head fuck!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been on the receiving end so many times that I'm three years into relationship, live with a guy and recently being engaged to him and I still have trust issues that one day he will end things and move on without explanation.
Ghosting is not fun people. I would much rather hear that they didn't like me rather than being ghosted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been ghosted many times.
Meeting someone for a few months, hanging out, taking drives and days out etc.
Then they vanished.
It turned out they had met someone else but didn’t know how to politely end things and move on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I met a girl on a vanilla dating site and we went on a few dates....
She was the polar opposite of myself... very creative, computer genius, and social activist...
I thought we would be a great match..,..
Then I went to her apartment for dinner.....
She had 4 cats , her place was a mess , and smelled of cat litter....
I politely asked her “ Do you smell something funny “ she replied “ I have no sense of smell “
Ok .... I couldn’t sit in her apartment, much less eat there. So I made my excuses and left...
For about 2 weeks, she texted everyday asking to hangout or just to talk... I would reply about every 8 hours with simple one word answers....
Then one evening I show up to my apartment and she is waiting in front of my building with cake or cookies...
I explain to her I’m very busy with work and not in a place to date someone seriously... so let me finish this project I’m working on and I’ll get back to you. When I can devote time to building a relationship... she said “ Fine , I understand “
She then went on with the constantly texting and started sending me messages on LinkedIn....
Now to all the people who think ghosting someone is cowardly....
What would you do in this situation?"
For one not tell her that you’ll get back to her when you’ve finished your project cos all that does is tell her you’re busy but still interested. Then just say to her it was nice to meet her but you’re not interested in taking things further, say the cats are an issue for you and wish her all the best!
She’ll just think you’re a dick then and would heal and move on swiftly instead of being told nothing. Blaming herself, going over every possible thing she did wrong and then being hung up on you for longer than she needs to be. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To me it seems like the ghoster doesn’t want the person they’re ghosting to think they’re an arse hole or nasty or a prick or anything like that. But what does it matter what they think of you, you’re not interested anyway. Better to be brutally honest and let them dislike you which in turn makes it easier for them to move on than say nothing, ignore or block which leaves them with questions they’ll never have the answers to and makes them dwell on what happened.
It’s fucking shit. People need to stop doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should change my name to Sydney University but seriously everyone, thank you, I’m getting so much usable content from here.
My next question is why do you think people ghost? If you’ve done it before then why?
For something to qualify as ghosting it must be someone that you’ve actually met and communicated with a lot and then they suddenly cut you off with no explanation. "
Wife found out? |
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Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine. "
That’s not ghosting if the person has already tried to cut ties or said that they aren’t interested.
Ghosting is when there’s been no warning or reason to believe anything is wrong on the other persons end. It’s instant, poof, gone, like a ghost. |
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"There's a guy I met on here a few years back. he was alright. We got on pretty well and I was happy enough to chat to him but not spoken for a long time.
When I came back to this profile he contacted me after a month or so. I was at the "getting over it" stage but still stung. I didn't want to talk about it as I felt it would hold me back from moving on at that point, and I was teetering between one step in front of the other and falling down a dark well, but I was defo taking baby steps forward.
I told him no offence but I don't want to talk at the mo. To read my profile text and he would understand why.
He didn't understand or seemingly give 2 fucks coz he kept messaging after I'd said I didn't want to talk and verified me twice to catch my attention over the period of the last couple of months.
His lack of space giving and constant pushing for attention is what's led me to ghost him.
I had to put a wall up.
"
As ever a perfectly logical and reasonable explanation.
You were polite. He didn't give a shit about your needs and kept asking.
I'd do the same.
You didn't ghost him. You just don't see the need to tell him several times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine. "
That’s not what it is, it’s when things are going swimmingly, fine and dandy and then nothing, no explanation no nothing, leaving the person wondering what they did or said because there’s nothing obvious. What you’re talking about is totally different and more of a slow fade. |
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"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine.
That’s not ghosting if the person has already tried to cut ties or said that they aren’t interested.
Ghosting is when there’s been no warning or reason to believe anything is wrong on the other persons end. It’s instant, poof, gone, like a ghost. "
Get what you mean. I know the ghosting seems abrupt to the ghosted but that can be ( not always ) because they simply didn't HEAR the other person or pick up the disinterested vibes.
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"People ghost because they're attempting to avoid the reaction of the person they no longer wish to see.
Personally it's something I wouldn't do. I've had to block and ignore people who wouldn't take no for an answer but I will always at least let someone know I don't wish to see them anymore. I just won't argue with them about it. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Fairly recent from here.
Talking fine. Getting on. Then bang.. Blank. Left messages.. As elvis says
RETURN TO SENDER.. ADDRESS UNKNOWN.
Its a cowards way that's for sure. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I’ve done it and had it done to me. I know what it means so it doesn’t bother me (unless you’re actually dating or good mates then it sucks).
I take it as the “no reply means no thanks” fab rule. I neither pursue (more than once) nor do I like being pursued. I’m usually bored or realise the connection isn’t forming or my attention is elsewhere. I suspect it’s the same of anyone who does it to me. Generally no drama.
If I’ve changed my thinking on someone I know well then I will send an explanation. Or call them.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine.
That’s not ghosting if the person has already tried to cut ties or said that they aren’t interested.
Ghosting is when there’s been no warning or reason to believe anything is wrong on the other persons end. It’s instant, poof, gone, like a ghost.
Get what you mean. I know the ghosting seems abrupt to the ghosted but that can be ( not always ) because they simply didn't HEAR the other person or pick up the disinterested vibes.
"
That’s more like the slow fade, there’s so much terminology and bollocks. You kind of sense when you’re being faded out. With ghosting there really is no warning. |
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"I met a girl on a vanilla dating site and we went on a few dates....
She was the polar opposite of myself... very creative, computer genius, and social activist...
I thought we would be a great match..,..
Then I went to her apartment for dinner.....
She had 4 cats , her place was a mess , and smelled of cat litter....
I politely asked her “ Do you smell something funny “ she replied “ I have no sense of smell “
Ok .... I couldn’t sit in her apartment, much less eat there. So I made my excuses and left...
For about 2 weeks, she texted everyday asking to hangout or just to talk... I would reply about every 8 hours with simple one word answers....
Then one evening I show up to my apartment and she is waiting in front of my building with cake or cookies...
I explain to her I’m very busy with work and not in a place to date someone seriously... so let me finish this project I’m working on and I’ll get back to you. When I can devote time to building a relationship... she said “ Fine , I understand “
She then went on with the constantly texting and started sending me messages on LinkedIn....
Now to all the people who think ghosting someone is cowardly....
What would you do in this situation?"
I wouldn't have told her i'd get back to her when I was in a position to build a relationship.
Maybe if you'd have said, You're really nice but I don't want a relationship with anyone. She wouldn'
t have slipped into the open door you left. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Who’s ghosting you anyway Annie? You’d be fighting me off with a stick if I were nearer.
Or are you a bit nutty and they just daren’t say  "
To date and this may come as a surprise but I’ve never actually been truly ghosted. I’ve had the slow fade where they’ve tried to cut ties but I didn’t listen and pushed them to block me but I’ve never had anyone just block me or ignore me permanently without sending me their final farewell message |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine.
That’s not what it is, it’s when things are going swimmingly, fine and dandy and then nothing, no explanation no nothing, leaving the person wondering what they did or said because there’s nothing obvious. What you’re talking about is totally different and more of a slow fade."
I've not ghosted my friends after all. I've slow faded them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine.
That’s not ghosting if the person has already tried to cut ties or said that they aren’t interested.
Ghosting is when there’s been no warning or reason to believe anything is wrong on the other persons end. It’s instant, poof, gone, like a ghost.
Get what you mean. I know the ghosting seems abrupt to the ghosted but that can be ( not always ) because they simply didn't HEAR the other person or pick up the disinterested vibes.
That’s more like the slow fade, there’s so much terminology and bollocks. You kind of sense when you’re being faded out. With ghosting there really is no warning. "
This. I was ghosted by my partner of three years. The week before he disappeared - and it was literally a total disappearance - he was talking about us setting a wedding date.
Now I'll freely admit that being autistic... I don't pick up cues and vibes like others do but someone being all 'let's plan our wedding, I want to marry you next year' doesn't exactly strike me as disinterested.
I still don't know what happened.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine.
That’s not ghosting if the person has already tried to cut ties or said that they aren’t interested.
Ghosting is when there’s been no warning or reason to believe anything is wrong on the other persons end. It’s instant, poof, gone, like a ghost.
Get what you mean. I know the ghosting seems abrupt to the ghosted but that can be ( not always ) because they simply didn't HEAR the other person or pick up the disinterested vibes.
That’s more like the slow fade, there’s so much terminology and bollocks. You kind of sense when you’re being faded out. With ghosting there really is no warning.
This. I was ghosted by my partner of three years. The week before he disappeared - and it was literally a total disappearance - he was talking about us setting a wedding date.
Now I'll freely admit that being autistic... I don't pick up cues and vibes like others do but someone being all 'let's plan our wedding, I want to marry you next year' doesn't exactly strike me as disinterested.
I still don't know what happened. "
Bloody hell that's awful! Maybe he got cold feet and worried he wasn't enough for you. Xx |
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"I should change my name to Sydney University but seriously everyone, thank you, I’m getting so much usable content from here.
My next question is why do you think people ghost? If you’ve done it before then why?
For something to qualify as ghosting it must be someone that you’ve actually met and communicated with a lot and then they suddenly cut you off with no explanation. "
I believe for men it’s the thrill of the chase that they want - whatever they tell you to get into your pants. Once they ‘have’ you they move onto pastures new. |
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Slow fade is bollox too - how about honesty instead? It’s all cowardice and not wanting to actually tell someone how you feel. I’ve never ghosted or slow faded if it’s not something you want to continue just tell them. Simple. |
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"Because the person the ghoster eventually ghosts doesn't listen, can't accept other people's want's or points of view and demonstrates very undesirable behaviours or even mental / emotional instability.
There's no point in trying to reason with insanity.
Dumb is always dumb.
Sometimes you just have to be the one to walk away and cut ties and if the modern word for that is ghosting ....... meh .....fine.
That’s not ghosting if the person has already tried to cut ties or said that they aren’t interested.
Ghosting is when there’s been no warning or reason to believe anything is wrong on the other persons end. It’s instant, poof, gone, like a ghost.
Get what you mean. I know the ghosting seems abrupt to the ghosted but that can be ( not always ) because they simply didn't HEAR the other person or pick up the disinterested vibes.
That’s more like the slow fade, there’s so much terminology and bollocks. You kind of sense when you’re being faded out. With ghosting there really is no warning.
This. I was ghosted by my partner of three years. The week before he disappeared - and it was literally a total disappearance - he was talking about us setting a wedding date.
Now I'll freely admit that being autistic... I don't pick up cues and vibes like others do but someone being all 'let's plan our wedding, I want to marry you next year' doesn't exactly strike me as disinterested.
I still don't know what happened. "
Ahh let’s go slash his tyres! At the risk of sounding like all the phrases though lovely better he did it now that ten years down the line when you have a few kids. Much love xxxx |
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I think some do it when something better comes along, they're perfectly happy chatting and leading you down a path while you're the only one on the scene, but when someone better looking or just what they consider a better offer for whatever other reason comes along they just flick the off switch with you and all comms get shut down for what feels like no reason to the one being ghosted. Then sometimes a lot later when that hasn't worked out for the ghoster they get back in touch with the ghostee because they want some attention, but again it will only last until something better comes along. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Why is it people are classing "going radio silence" as 'cowardly'??
This is a site, full of strangers and people looking for the likes of casual hook ups, etc. Why people get so upset that someone doesn't want to talk to them any longer, is beyond me. We aren't all married to each other nor owe anyone anything! If someone goes silent, move on and don't worry about it! Don't let it drag you down! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it people are classing "going radio silence" as 'cowardly'??
This is a site, full of strangers and people looking for the likes of casual hook ups, etc. Why people get so upset that someone doesn't want to talk to them any longer, is beyond me. We aren't all married to each other nor owe anyone anything! If someone goes silent, move on and don't worry about it! Don't let it drag you down! "
Because ghosting is kind of a fucked up thing to do, if you're going to waste my time how about you don't message me in the first place, or engage in conversation.
I have little time left, no point in wasting it on someone who's not really interested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it people are classing "going radio silence" as 'cowardly'??
This is a site, full of strangers and people looking for the likes of casual hook ups, etc. Why people get so upset that someone doesn't want to talk to them any longer, is beyond me. We aren't all married to each other nor owe anyone anything! If someone goes silent, move on and don't worry about it! Don't let it drag you down!
Because ghosting is kind of a fucked up thing to do, if you're going to waste my time how about you don't message me in the first place, or engage in conversation.
I have little time left, no point in wasting it on someone who's not really interested "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I should change my name to Sydney University but seriously everyone, thank you, I’m getting so much usable content from here.
My next question is why do you think people ghost? If you’ve done it before then why?
For something to qualify as ghosting it must be someone that you’ve actually met and communicated with a lot and then they suddenly cut you off with no explanation. "
They were hiding something more important that they don’t want to compromise being in touch with you. Saying straight honestly. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why is it people are classing "going radio silence" as 'cowardly'??
This is a site, full of strangers and people looking for the likes of casual hook ups, etc. Why people get so upset that someone doesn't want to talk to them any longer, is beyond me. We aren't all married to each other nor owe anyone anything! If someone goes silent, move on and don't worry about it! Don't let it drag you down! "
Again I’m not talking about this site where it’s predominantly about hook ups and sex only. I’m talking about people you meet in the real world who you believe you’re getting on with, people you’ve already met and had a great deal of communication with and believe you’ll see them again then all comms get shut down with no explanation. |
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