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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Basically torn...
This is one of those life situations where I hope a bunch of strangers on the Internet with more life experience than me might be able to help me out...
I came out of an abusive relationship about a year and a half a go now. I wouldn't consider myself messed up by what I went through in some sense but I do when it comes to thinking about a new relationship... and this is where I am torn. I don't miss being in a relationship because things people may miss after coming out of a normal relationship like spooning, watching a film together etc I don't because a) spooning was always on his terms and we actually never cuddled up and watched a film together.
Currently, I'm very much enjoying my independence and being on my own but that's only down to the nature of my last relationship but I feel like I'm enjoying it too much and don't want another relationship. However I don't want to let what happen, ruin my views on having another relationship. I'd love no end to find 'the one' but I also like being on my own.
Is this just a stage I'm going through and things might change?  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
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I think it’s important you take time to enjoy your life again.
Relationships can wait until you’re ready. You’ll know when you’re ready because you won’t question whether you’re ready.
There is no hurry. Just enjoy being you x |
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"Basically torn...
This is one of those life situations where I hope a bunch of strangers on the Internet with more life experience than me might be able to help me out...
I came out of an abusive relationship about a year and a half a go now. I wouldn't consider myself messed up by what I went through in some sense but I do when it comes to thinking about a new relationship... and this is where I am torn. I don't miss being in a relationship because things people may miss after coming out of a normal relationship like spooning, watching a film together etc I don't because a) spooning was always on his terms and we actually never cuddled up and watched a film together.
Currently, I'm very much enjoying my independence and being on my own but that's only down to the nature of my last relationship but I feel like I'm enjoying it too much and don't want another relationship. However I don't want to let what happen, ruin my views on having another relationship. I'd love no end to find 'the one' but I also like being on my own.
Is this just a stage I'm going through and things might change? "
Firstly be kind to yourself.
I came out of an abusive relationship many years ago and im damaged by it.
I find it hard to trust and have become quite reclusive at times.
Please dont put yourself under any pressure. If you are enjoying life then good things will follow im sure x |
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Yes it is a stage. When you find 'the one' you'll know. We are very lucky and found ours early and after 25 years of marriage are still in love.
No one ever deserves to be in an abusive relationship, so congratulations on finding the courage to escape from it.
Be yourself, love yourself and hopefully your one will find you.
X |
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If you are happy as you are then why rush into something new?
I would also say its worth doing some work on yourself so you can spot (and more importantly heed )any red flags in the future.
It's easy to end up repeating patterns/bad choices.
Been there, done that!
Good luck OP. |
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Enjoy your new freedom and don’t rush into anything. Take each day as it comes, sit down and relax at the end of each day and think about what you enjoyed during that day. Laugh lots, smile at everyone even when they don’t deserve it and enjoy your life as much as you can. If someone else comes along you will soon know if it feels right or not. Life is full of experiences and we can even turn negative ones to our advantage by learning from them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hello op.
Great thread title and a really well written witty post on a difficult subject indeed.
I’m no expert on anything apart from being a half decent builder but my advice is this:-
Live your best life your way and try not to look back and compare which in itself is hard I know.
You seem to have certain tools at your disposal such as intelligence and unlike some of us you are not ugly so basically you are holding the upper hand on most future partners so you can be picky and as you are ok single you have no need to rush into anything.
People are bastards but there is a bastard out there for you.
Good luck
Stay safe
Enjoy the journey!!!
T |
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Three years ago I was kicked out of my marriage as she’d found someone new. 16 years not bliss but on the whole like the majority of married people getting along just living our lives together.
Now I find myself opened to new experiences that I’d never have had in that relationship. I also feel I’m a better and more resilient person than I thought I was. I’m ready to be in a new relationship but I’m also fine about living my free life, without having to check with someone else before I commit to anything.
Freedom from a relationship does come with a price, no one to share intimate feelings or help solve a problem. But it also opens you up to who you truly are, so if you find you’re fine and can easily get through the days, weeks and months and not struggle or need that support. You truly find the real you.
Also to add, well done from escaping that abusive relationship, that takes courage something that’ll help you in the future.   |
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15 years on where still blissfully happy