FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Reasons people don’t want relationships.
Reasons people don’t want relationships.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah so my other thread filled up but had lots of good responses and usable content. My book is primarily aimed at women so it is reasons why men these days don’t want relationships but ladies feel free to add your experiences that you’ve encountered with men.
Can I squeeze anymore reasons out of people? |
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Im not what you where asking for but im a woman in a relationship. But its not a conventional relationship.
We dont live together and it works for us been blissfully happy for 15 years. However, i couldnt be in a conventional relationship or live with anyone. The reasons are i love living on my own. Im selfish and would feel trapped i like my own space to much. If i hadnt met my perfect match i would never have got into another relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never had a relationship and not gonna lie I do feel like it's starting to impact on my personality, in the sense that I'm not really great at compromising and have grown maybe TOO comfortable with my own company. I go through phases of really wanting a boyfriend and thinking that I wouldn't be able to deal with anyone else's shit at this time because my life is quite a mess at the moment. Idk. Also no one wants to date me because I'm fat so there's that... |
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I have had some bad relationships but probably doesn’t help that I’m fiercely independent. The nice guys I can’t deal with, I don’t talk about feelings, I’m not clingy, I don’t like clingy men, I enjoy my own space and have a tendency to seem cold. We all know bad boys aren’t good so I just stay away from them all. I’m liking the lifestyle I’m in right now and I still don’t have to answer to anyone and there will be no more emotional damage along the way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve been single so long and lived without a partner so long that I don’t know if I could cope with living with someone. I like to fart when I want and watch what I want on tv.
My ideal set up would be a guy that’s completely exclusive to me (as I would to him) but only see him on weekends when we were both free. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Their poo *really* smells, they’re ashamed and couldn’t have a long term partner who would potentially smell it"
They could use that VIPoo spray. It really does work, I tried it the day after having a roast dinner and they’re always my worst number 2’s, it’s the goose fat. |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers"  )
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers" )
"
in a nutshell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Their poo *really* smells, they’re ashamed and couldn’t have a long term partner who would potentially smell it
They could use that VIPoo spray. It really does work, I tried it the day after having a roast dinner and they’re always my worst number 2’s, it’s the goose fat. "
I use it for baba’s nappies, we use reusable nappies and when they’re in the basket (it has a lid) they occasionally smell. It works so well! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers" )
"
By dos/don'ts do you mean like "don't send dick pics, don't ask me to meet now" etc? Because you say that no man would bother with a woman like that but why should a woman bother with a man who annihilates her with dick pics before they've even met? Goes both ways. |
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I've pretty much always been in relationship
I want to be in one...but..
I'm self sufficient, independent, financially secure so it's not for any of those reasons
I love that we are able to talk and express what we want without fear of disapproval
I think our relationship is pretty non conformist, not standard, but it works for us
Jo x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My theory on it is that everyone is a bit weird.
When you're young you both grow a bit weird together, when you're older your degrees of weird are a little off prospective partners and so it makes it more difficult to meet someone the same kind of weird to you.
Relationships are essentially all about finding someone the same kind of weird as you.
You're welcome. I want a shout out though in the book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My theory on it is that everyone is a bit weird.
When you're young you both grow a bit weird together, when you're older your degrees of weird are a little off prospective partners and so it makes it more difficult to meet someone the same kind of weird to you.
Relationships are essentially all about finding someone the same kind of weird as you.
You're welcome. I want a shout out though in the book."
 Exactly  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would love to have that special person to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams and mornings with. I love with a heavy heart. But have been hurt quite a bit in my last three relationships. So it's now time to heal, not look for the nearest comfort blanket. When the time is right, it will happen, when I am ready it will come. No rush....  |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
"I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers" )
By dos/don'ts do you mean like "don't send dick pics, don't ask me to meet now" etc? Because you say that no man would bother with a woman like that but why should a woman bother with a man who annihilates her with dick pics before they've even met? Goes both ways. "
Was an example... "High maintenance" is probably a suitable descriptor here.
Gone are the days when actually, can just meet a woman and genuinely enjoy each others company, compromise and share experiences together.
Now it's "guy has to do this do that and he should know what i want otherwise he isn't worth my time"...
Now i sound old |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers" )
By dos/don'ts do you mean like "don't send dick pics, don't ask me to meet now" etc? Because you say that no man would bother with a woman like that but why should a woman bother with a man who annihilates her with dick pics before they've even met? Goes both ways. "
Basically you can’t ask politely for anything on here as you’ll be seen as a stuck up bitch wanting men to jump through hoops rather than a woman seeking quality meets with a likeminded person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Put too little on your profile and you’re “anyone’s” “desperate” “whore” “fake” “easily pleased”.
Put detailed content on your profile and you’re “stuck up” “asking for too much” “head up your own arse” “hard work” “bitter” and so on... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My theory on it is that everyone is a bit weird.
When you're young you both grow a bit weird together, when you're older your degrees of weird are a little off prospective partners and so it makes it more difficult to meet someone the same kind of weird to you.
Relationships are essentially all about finding someone the same kind of weird as you.
You're welcome. I want a shout out though in the book."
Can have a chapter if you shag me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Put too little on your profile and you’re “anyone’s” “desperate” “whore” “fake” “easily pleased”.
Put detailed content on your profile and you’re “stuck up” “asking for too much” “head up your own arse” “hard work” “bitter” and so on... "
You'll probably find it's the same small chorus of guys saying this that also have an algorithm for calculating your sexual worth.
It would be really interesting to get some figures on that actually. Hmm.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My theory on it is that everyone is a bit weird.
When you're young you both grow a bit weird together, when you're older your degrees of weird are a little off prospective partners and so it makes it more difficult to meet someone the same kind of weird to you.
Relationships are essentially all about finding someone the same kind of weird as you.
You're welcome. I want a shout out though in the book.
Can have a chapter if you shag me "
I'll dip my pen in the ink and get drafting.  |
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I personally think we all want relationships.. it’s always been the “Find a girl, settle down, marry kids” its in our DNA
I think many people rush this and end up with the wrong person. Or “pretends” to be happy to feel accepted by others and end up severely unhappy..
Im 32 now and pretty happy on my own..BUT.. i want to settle down one day.. relationships so far has shown me what i DONT want.. good luck with the book OP  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm far too comfortable on my own and too used to doing everything on my own. Like, when it comes to doing anything, from going out for meals or going to the cinema or even going for walks, I'm too impatient to fit my plans in with other people's and just do stuff on my own. Aside from when it comes to my away from fab lover and my best friend at times.
People tire me out too, even in a relationship. Ditto, aside from my away from fab lover.
And I currently have all I need where sex and desire is concerned on fab and away from fab.
In conclusion - it would have to be someone marvellous to make me not want to be single anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers" )
By dos/don'ts do you mean like "don't send dick pics, don't ask me to meet now" etc? Because you say that no man would bother with a woman like that but why should a woman bother with a man who annihilates her with dick pics before they've even met? Goes both ways.
Was an example... "High maintenance" is probably a suitable descriptor here.
Gone are the days when actually, can just meet a woman and genuinely enjoy each others company, compromise and share experiences together.
Now it's "guy has to do this do that and he should know what i want otherwise he isn't worth my time"...
Now i sound old "
Hang on, why is it high maintenance to know what you want? To me people who are described as "high maintenance" have always generally been people who know what they want and/or deserve out of life and aren't willing to accept anything less. I don't see why someone should lower their self worth just to be more accepted by those who view them as "too much work". As long as they are giving back just as much effort then they deserve to be treated how they want, no?
Those women who, for you, demand too much in the way of certain behaviours and characteristics on their profiles know they are worth the effort. I bet most of them are probably incredibly kind, generous, funny etc and have so much to offer. They know that so are not going to settle for any old horny fuckboy sending a two word message with a photo attached of his cock out over a toilet bowl full of piss, whether it be for a shag or for a relationship (yes it has happened to me on dating sites too).
The "old days" you are referring to is before everyone started making everything about sex. Yes I know we are on a swingers site but on the subject of relationships - I can't remember the last time I matched with someone on a site or app and they genuinely wanted to date, not just sext or have a one nighter. It's literally been years since I haven't been asked for my snap, or been asked to go over theirs straightaway for "fun". And don't tell me I'm going after the wrong men because I have tried MANY different types!
Just to be clear, I'm not condoning being shallow or arrogant. Those with "you need to be above 6" or be VWE etc" on their profiles, I understand how that can rub people the wrong way. But asking for a little effort in the way you are treated should not be viewed as high maintenance  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in a very bad relationship for 12 years. My daughter came along after 11 years of it, when she came along I got stronger & realised that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. I wasn't prepared to let her hear me being called names like fat,ugly,brutal,evil,horrible person. He told me I had no personality I wasn't funny I was just a shit person.My self esteem was below zero. When we split I was happy & prepared to stay on my own for the rest of my life for fear of meeting someone else like him. Three years later I met S he turned my life upside down made me smile again & love again when I thought I couldn't & thought I was unlovable. He's gave me confidence & I know he likes what he sees. Three & half years on we're just getting better & better he matches me so well I've never loved anyone like him. I know he genuinely loves me back. If he hadn't of came along by chance I'd be single and happy to be so as I enjoyed being single. |
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"My theory on it is that everyone is a bit weird.
When you're young you both grow a bit weird together, when you're older your degrees of weird are a little off prospective partners and so it makes it more difficult to meet someone the same kind of weird to you.
Relationships are essentially all about finding someone the same kind of weird as you.
You're welcome. I want a shout out though in the book."
Actually, that makes sense. We're obviously the right amount of weird for each other and have definitely weird-ed together over the past 17yrs |
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"I was in a very bad relationship for 12 years. My daughter came along after 11 years of it, when she came along I got stronger & realised that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. I wasn't prepared to let her hear me being called names like fat,ugly,brutal,evil,horrible person. He told me I had no personality I wasn't funny I was just a shit person.My self esteem was below zero. When we split I was happy & prepared to stay on my own for the rest of my life for fear of meeting someone else like him. Three years later I met S he turned my life upside down made me smile again & love again when I thought I couldn't & thought I was unlovable. He's gave me confidence & I know he likes what he sees. Three & half years on we're just getting better & better he matches me so well I've never loved anyone like him. I know he genuinely loves me back. If he hadn't of came along by chance I'd be single and happy to be so as I enjoyed being single. "
That's brilliant. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger |
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pain of previous relationships and not wanting to open myself up to that again.
Chances are I'll be a suspicious FBI style pain in the arse if I let my walls down again and that's not fair on them or me so no point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like the idea of a relationship, but I find people exhausting.
So, I couldn't expect someone to put up with the massive amount of time I want to be left alone.
Also I physically cannot share a bed. This has caused issues in every relationship I've had. |
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Annie first up your profile is hilarious, tickled me no end reading it.
As a woman with degrees and a full career prior to settlinf down, I can formally state that having a LT relationship and kids has diminished me in many ways. My salary is a third of what it used to be. I never get a moment of silence in my own home to recharge and I have to endure the stunted emotional expression of a male partner. If I could do it all again I would advise all women to live next door to a partner but never with them. Don't get me wrong there are some benefits but the losses are hard to fathom till you experience it |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"I would love to have that special person to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams and mornings with. I love with a heavy heart. But have been hurt quite a bit in my last three relationships. So it's now time to heal, not look for the nearest comfort blanket. When the time is right, it will happen, when I am ready it will come. No rush.... "
Oh I like this. Tugged on my stone heart
|
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"I'm a man that does want a relationship, and can't really say I know any guys that don't want relationships.
Nonetheless, there's a societal change with expectations. Just look at fab and the number of female profiles with a huge (not worth reading) lists of dos/don't. I can't believe any guy would bother with them.
So from a guys perspective, we can enjoy that freedom of doing as we please and enjoying the company of multiple women.
Career structures also play a role in that men will settle down later in life once financially established, but by then, it really limits the eligible fish in the pool.....(or as my brother puts it "the leftovers" )
By dos/don'ts do you mean like "don't send dick pics, don't ask me to meet now" etc? Because you say that no man would bother with a woman like that but why should a woman bother with a man who annihilates her with dick pics before they've even met? Goes both ways.
Was an example... "High maintenance" is probably a suitable descriptor here.
Gone are the days when actually, can just meet a woman and genuinely enjoy each others company, compromise and share experiences together.
Now it's "guy has to do this do that and he should know what i want otherwise he isn't worth my time"...
Now i sound old
Hang on, why is it high maintenance to know what you want? To me people who are described as "high maintenance" have always generally been people who know what they want and/or deserve out of life and aren't willing to accept anything less. I don't see why someone should lower their self worth just to be more accepted by those who view them as "too much work". As long as they are giving back just as much effort then they deserve to be treated how they want, no?
Those women who, for you, demand too much in the way of certain behaviours and characteristics on their profiles know they are worth the effort. I bet most of them are probably incredibly kind, generous, funny etc and have so much to offer. They know that so are not going to settle for any old horny fuckboy sending a two word message with a photo attached of his cock out over a toilet bowl full of piss, whether it be for a shag or for a relationship (yes it has happened to me on dating sites too).
The "old days" you are referring to is before everyone started making everything about sex. Yes I know we are on a swingers site but on the subject of relationships - I can't remember the last time I matched with someone on a site or app and they genuinely wanted to date, not just sext or have a one nighter. It's literally been years since I haven't been asked for my snap, or been asked to go over theirs straightaway for "fun". And don't tell me I'm going after the wrong men because I have tried MANY different types!
Just to be clear, I'm not condoning being shallow or arrogant. Those with "you need to be above 6" or be VWE etc" on their profiles, I understand how that can rub people the wrong way. But asking for a little effort in the way you are treated should not be viewed as high maintenance "
Some guys think that if the juice isn’t worth the squeeze, they won’t bother squeezing.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So weird perspective...
I was married to a controlling widower. took on his kids as my own etc and then had our own together...
All my first experiences & excitement were negated/devalued ie he’d been married before/had first kids etc...
I’ve realised that these moments were not special & shared
I will now never get that excitement & shared special moment back it again, too old for more kids & marriage so v jaded by it.
So now I shall just have fun & enjoy myself without the tie of the fairy tale happy ending.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah so my other thread filled up but had lots of good responses and usable content. My book is primarily aimed at women so it is reasons why men these days don’t want relationships but ladies feel free to add your experiences that you’ve encountered with men.
Can I squeeze anymore reasons out of people? "
The common denominator in my failed relationships seems to be me
Single 12 years by choice. Love my own company. |
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I simply haven’t got time and nor do I want/need a relationship. There’s not enough hours in the day or days in the week. Life is pretty hectic with having kids to look after/care for, I’m normally ready for my bed catching z’s by the time they’ve gone to bed. I’m also stubborn, independent and like my own company |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've not long come out of a relationship and it hurt a lot and still is, but at the moment I want the date night experience and the amazing sex but without the emotions involved,just someone to meet up with when both free drinks a meal a night away and part company till next time but it seems hard to find in current climate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also I don't want to get cheated on. Seeing the amount of cheaters on here has made me incredibly cynical. Often when I see couples now I'll automatically think "yep, he's cheated"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry if anybody else has posted these same reasons before me i didnt manage to catch the other thread.
So for me personally ive become quite selfish now, i enjoy my own space to much to live with someone else full time.
Days/nights out, sleep overs (best term i could think of at 1.30am) are great but i really dont think i can do the whole mundane "what we having for tea tonight" thing again.
Far better to live apart, spend a couple of nights together and actually have time to miss somebody. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
" i really dont think i can do the whole mundane "what we having for tea tonight" thing again."
You’re not alone, I briefly dated a divorced fella last year who stated he didn’t want to do the whole mundane supermarket weekly shop thing again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't it true that everyone is different and has had different experiences? Those experiences shape how you think and determine what you want.
I have always been comfortable on my own and wouldn't want a ltr for the sake of it. I also carry a lot of practical baggage that would definitely get in the way of a relationship at this point.
If you are realistic about where you are and what you want then it shapes what you want from a relationship, or not.
I think that's true of men and women. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Put too little on your profile and you’re “anyone’s” “desperate” “whore” “fake” “easily pleased”.
Put detailed content on your profile and you’re “stuck up” “asking for too much” “head up your own arse” “hard work” “bitter” and so on... "
Can't win lol. |
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