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Is there a difference
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A recent thread got me thinking. Is there a difference between cheating on a partner/husband/wife where the contact is purely physical, compared to where they actually socialize together, like meals out and trips to the pub?
Are there levels of infidelity?
In a sexless partnership is having a physical connection with another person less of a crime than them effectively 'dating" them?
Personally I could forgive a physical infidelity in a sexless relationship as fulfilling a base need, but i could never forgive them actively seeking an emotional attachment.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think having a physical relationship with someone other than your partner/wife/husband is actually a crime (not in the UK anyway).
I would say there are degrees of infidelity (like most things). |
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Yes there is a big difference. I have alot of male friends and if i had a partner who had female friends i would not be bothered but the minute they decide to get naked or intimate that changes everything because a line has been crossed. There is a huge differnce between friendships and lovers. |
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No dont think so it's the cheating that's bad! My first hubby did it to me and later I found out others around me knew but said nothing! Her herself even pretended to b my friend! I felt the biggest fool going! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think having a physical relationship with someone other than your partner/wife/husband is actually a crime (not in the UK anyway).
I would say there are degrees of infidelity (like most things)."
I have had a bit of a ponder over this and have come to the conclusion there are 3 levels.
First is missing an emotional connection so look to somebody else to fill the need.
Second is missing physical contact and getting that somewhere else.
And finally the third is getting both emotional and physical gratification outside of the relationship (Which would suggest the relationship is goosed anyway) |
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"Yes there is a big difference. I have alot of male friends and if i had a partner who had female friends i would not be bothered but the minute they decide to get naked or intimate that changes everything because a line has been crossed. There is a huge differnce between friendships and lovers."
For me it’s the other way round I’m not talking female friends as that don’t bother me in the slightest.Don’t get me wrong I would be pissed off either way but for me the dating holding hands romantic dinners whispering sweet nothings talking about intimate things is far worse than just ripping each other’s clothes and having sex..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think having a physical relationship with someone other than your partner/wife/husband is actually a crime (not in the UK anyway).
I would say there are degrees of infidelity (like most things).
I have had a bit of a ponder over this and have come to the conclusion there are 3 levels.
First is missing an emotional connection so look to somebody else to fill the need.
Second is missing physical contact and getting that somewhere else.
And finally the third is getting both emotional and physical gratification outside of the relationship (Which would suggest the relationship is goosed anyway)"
Apparantly there are four which come under two main categories:
Emotional Infidelity: Object (eg. when a hobby becomes more fulfilling then the relationship), Cyber and Emotional affair
Physical Infidelity: Sexual Affair (sex without emotional attachment)
(Googled '3 Degrees of Infidelity' and website Psychcentral). |
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In our relationship, if of us paid for sex because we were apart for long stretches (as can happen with Hannah's job) then it wouldn't be a biggie. If one of us just had sex with somebody else then it's likely to be recoverable from. If one of us got emotionally involved with somebody that would be a big problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A recent thread got me thinking. Is there a difference between cheating on a partner/husband/wife where the contact is purely physical, compared to where they actually socialize together, like meals out and trips to the pub?
Are there levels of infidelity?
In a sexless partnership is having a physical connection with another person less of a crime than them effectively 'dating" them?
Personally I could forgive a physical infidelity in a sexless relationship as fulfilling a base need, but i could never forgive them actively seeking an emotional attachment.
"
Cheating is cheating in my book
There’s no ifs or buts
If your in an unhappy /sexless, relationships/marriage
LEAVE
Simple!
 
This is my opinion  |
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If I were in a mono relationship I would class any of it as cheating if I didn't know about it. If I couldn't have intimate relations with him then I'd just let him go and find someone who can, rather than have him go behind my back to find his pleasure |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I were in a mono relationship I would class any of it as cheating if I didn't know about it. If I couldn't have intimate relations with him then I'd just let him go and find someone who can, rather than have him go behind my back to find his pleasure"
I agree with this, I went through some very tough times when my business when tits and had debt collectors knocking the door and phoning constantly. I lost my drive but told my then wife I was more than happy for her to get what she needed elsewhere. All I asked was it was nobody local or somebody we already knew. To this day I dont know if she fucked anybody else but it doesnt matter as it was what I wanted. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't think having a physical relationship with someone other than your partner/wife/husband is actually a crime (not in the UK anyway).
I would say there are degrees of infidelity (like most things).
I have had a bit of a ponder over this and have come to the conclusion there are 3 levels.
First is missing an emotional connection so look to somebody else to fill the need.
Second is missing physical contact and getting that somewhere else.
And finally the third is getting both emotional and physical gratification outside of the relationship (Which would suggest the relationship is goosed anyway)
Apparantly there are four which come under two main categories:
Emotional Infidelity: Object (eg. when a hobby becomes more fulfilling then the relationship), Cyber and Emotional affair
Physical Infidelity: Sexual Affair (sex without emotional attachment)
(Googled '3 Degrees of Infidelity' and website Psychcentral)."
I think Sam did hit the nail on the head, and really his conclusion and the quoted sources do line up.
My experience has seemed to show that people don't see an online "relationship", which by it's nature is often intense and very intimate, as being cheating. Until they're the one who finds the messages or the pictures on their partner's phone or wherever. Then they suddenly have their eyes opened. Or not, in which case more power to them and their acceptance.
I've had a lot of conversations like this with friends over the years, and the general consensus amongst my friends (in the rest of the world, I haven't actually had this conversation with anyone in the fabosphere before) tends to be that on the whole men find physical infidelity harder to get over than emotional infidelity, and women find emotional infidelity harder to get over.
For me, I'd struggle with either. But emotional infidelity would and has been relationship ending for me, whereas physical infidelity has been something that in a past life I moved on from. There were extenuating circumstances however and I don't think I'd be able to do it again. But these days I've got a different attitude to sex and relationships, and a monogamous relationship doesn't necessarily mean a monogamous sex life.
I've ended a relationship when I found myself becoming emotionally involved with someone else. I might not judge others for how they do things but emotional or physical infidelity (behind a partner's back) aren't for me.
And I believe that in a sexless relationship there is an argument to be made for the person who is having sex withheld from them to find it elsewhere. Ideally with consent from the withholding partner, but I'm aware that it's not an ideal world and everyone has their own views.
Sorry for the babble.... it appears to be an introspective kind of day today. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id be more heart broken if i was cheated on emotionally where he had made a connection with someone.
If he is hiding texts or not telling me something to me thats cheating..
I read that women cheat for 'love' and men cheat for 'sex'
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Great Post NSP, I think it sums up how we all view things differently and have very different deal breakers x"
Thanks Sam. I think it also depends on the relationship itself as to what those deal breakers are xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Id be more heart broken if i was cheated on emotionally where he had made a connection with someone.
If he is hiding texts or not telling me something to me thats cheating..
I read that women cheat for 'love' and men cheat for 'sex'
"
I think in the majority that is very right. I'd be more hurt if it was emotional too. I can accept if my partner wanted a huge cock, a younger guy or another woman. That to me is a need, emotional means we have failed as a coupling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are different levels because it depends on the 'rules of that couple.
For example one couple may see sex texting as cheating whereas others wouldn't. Watching porn may be seen as cheating. |
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Definitely, I can share physically but not emotionally...but if I had that arrangement with someone I'd like to know (not the ins and outs, just that they were meeting someone else for sex). If they had an emotional connection with someone else or were hiding sexual meets from me then I'd class it as breaking our agreement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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soon as im in a relationship with a women i shut up shop.
meaning i do not text or get into flirty type conversations with other women.
also i remove my account from here unless she is also from her then set up a couples profile.
there is no grey area. trust is the easiest thing to break and you never ever get it back.
and if your with someone they matter no one else does.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"soon as im in a relationship with a women i shut up shop.
meaning i do not text or get into flirty type conversations with other women.
also i remove my account from here unless she is also from her then set up a couples profile.
there is no grey area. trust is the easiest thing to break and you never ever get it back.
and if your with someone they matter no one else does.
"
Perfectly said ! 
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