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Confidence isn't not having insecurities, it's how you handle them
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
This is my opinion anyway. I think confidence is in handling your own insecurities and not putting them on others but also being able to discuss them without assigning blame.
I also think it's possible to know your own worth despite having insecurities. People can behave in a confident manner despite having insecurities also.
I think insecurities are things we all have but they vary from person to person and how we handle them massively varies also. Some people become withdrawn due to feeling insecure, others have a confident persona. For some this may be a mask, for others it's a personality trait and their insecurities manifest in a different way.
Random weekend morning musings. Any thoughts? |
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Thats an interesting thought.
I don't have insecurities, but this is a learned survival behaviour for me.
I know my qualities and how I am attractive to some and not to others and I suppose acceptance of myself and loving who I am is the base of my confidence. My outlook on life is that I don't need to please anyone but myself x
Instead I choose to enrich others lives within my abilities  |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"This is my opinion anyway. I think confidence is in handling your own insecurities and not putting them on others but also being able to discuss them without assigning blame.
I also think it's possible to know your own worth despite having insecurities. People can behave in a confident manner despite having insecurities also.
I think insecurities are things we all have but they vary from person to person and how we handle them massively varies also. Some people become withdrawn due to feeling insecure, others have a confident persona. For some this may be a mask, for others it's a personality trait and their insecurities manifest in a different way.
Random weekend morning musings. Any thoughts? "
An interesting line of thought. I personally don't have insecurities and in general am confident in myself. I'm certainly not an expert on everything and have no issue in mentioning my lack of ability or knowledge in a particular field.
I will agree that far too often an outward show of confidence can be a mask, and that often people may project negatively onto others to cover their own deep insecurities. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Brilliant thread
I know not everyone will like me/be attracted to me and I wouldn't want that anyway
I am good enough for me and the few who do like me. That's good enough.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree 100% .
I know I'm not Tom Hardy , more Oliver Hardy but I'm comfortable with that. It took me until I was 40 though and now I'm more confident than I've ever been .
Great thread btw Lacey  "
Oliver Hardy was the more attractive one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d say that’s a very good analogy of how many people are. Yes I have insecurities and doubt myself often but, lots of people say that when they’ve met me that had no idea. I know I use a mask of confidence to hide my vulnerabilities. X |
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"This is my opinion anyway. I think confidence is in handling your own insecurities and not putting them on others but also being able to discuss them without assigning blame.
I also think it's possible to know your own worth despite having insecurities. People can behave in a confident manner despite having insecurities also.
I think insecurities are things we all have but they vary from person to person and how we handle them massively varies also. Some people become withdrawn due to feeling insecure, others have a confident persona. For some this may be a mask, for others it's a personality trait and their insecurities manifest in a different way.
Random weekend morning musings. Any thoughts? "
Although I've never articulated it, I agree. I also think confidence can develop the better you know yourself, which generally happens over time and through various experiences, or perhaps not confidence as such but being at ease in your own skin. Is that the same as confidence? Think I've talked myself round in a circle! 
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of people used to say to me that I have confidence full stop people look at the videos on my profile and they straightaway say you've got confidence. I've always said what is behind someone's photo what is behind someone's video it doesn't mean that they are confident. A lot of the time I do have worries about myself not thinking that I'm this or that and a lot of the time I do put myself down which I know I shouldn't do it's just how people have portrayed me in my past |
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I think as you get older, you realise that everyone, even people like supermodels, have insecurities and I definitely agree with the op.
Those who lack confidence focus on their insecurities and let it hamper them whilst those with confidence accept their insecurities but don't dwell on them and live more in the moment. |
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"This is my opinion anyway. I think confidence is in handling your own insecurities and not putting them on others but also being able to discuss them without assigning blame.
I also think it's possible to know your own worth despite having insecurities. People can behave in a confident manner despite having insecurities also.
I think insecurities are things we all have but they vary from person to person and how we handle them massively varies also. Some people become withdrawn due to feeling insecure, others have a confident persona. For some this may be a mask, for others it's a personality trait and their insecurities manifest in a different way.
Random weekend morning musings. Any thoughts? "
I think this is wise. We all have our own ways of coping with what life throws at us, and I'm sure that the old adage of "fake it 'til you make it" works for a lot of people in a lot of circumstances. It's a shield.
There are many other ways, of course. But the bravado shield I suspect is pretty common. |
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I (Mr) am actually very shy and lots of insecurities, I tend to over come it with self deprecation, the obvious being my height! As for the shyness people laugh when I say I am but I'm a good actor, I've ran my own business for 20 years and had to be the boss, salesman and many other things, it's just an act. The only draw back is acting confidant can often cross the line into arrogance. I would say most people hide behind a mask of some sort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're not wrong. It's a bit like the old saying about courage and heroism not being the absence of fear. It's about doing what you have to and what's right despite sometimes gut-wrenching fear. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I have massive insecurities and an excellent mask for them. I think slowly the mask is actually overtaking the insecurities, which is in part due to me getting used to myself and my body and in part due to the amazing support of people on here and the lively things y'all say to me.
I'll never be totally free of them but I can own them better now. |
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"I have massive insecurities and an excellent mask for them. I think slowly the mask is actually overtaking the insecurities, which is in part due to me getting used to myself and my body and in part due to the amazing support of people on here and the lively things y'all say to me.
I'll never be totally free of them but I can own them better now."
The coping mechanisms, the work on yourself, and the habit of putting the mask on (at the moment that's a bit of a, pun not intended lol sob) do make the distinctions between the insecurity and the mask less clear, sometimes.
I find it's a constant work in progress. But I don't use masks (I wash my hands! - wait, no...). There are other ways to tackle these things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think as you get older, you realise that everyone, even people like supermodels, have insecurities and I definitely agree with the op.
Those who lack confidence focus on their insecurities and let it hamper them whilst those with confidence accept their insecurities but don't dwell on them and live more in the moment. "
 |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have massive insecurities and an excellent mask for them. I think slowly the mask is actually overtaking the insecurities, which is in part due to me getting used to myself and my body and in part due to the amazing support of people on here and the lively things y'all say to me.
I'll never be totally free of them but I can own them better now.
The coping mechanisms, the work on yourself, and the habit of putting the mask on (at the moment that's a bit of a, pun not intended lol sob) do make the distinctions between the insecurity and the mask less clear, sometimes.
I find it's a constant work in progress. But I don't use masks (I wash my hands! - wait, no...). There are other ways to tackle these things."
A constant work in progress is definitely right.
I use a mask in public (ooh, how apt!) but I do drop it in private with my friends. And they're the ones who help the most to break down the negative  |
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"I have massive insecurities and an excellent mask for them. I think slowly the mask is actually overtaking the insecurities, which is in part due to me getting used to myself and my body and in part due to the amazing support of people on here and the lively things y'all say to me.
I'll never be totally free of them but I can own them better now.
The coping mechanisms, the work on yourself, and the habit of putting the mask on (at the moment that's a bit of a, pun not intended lol sob) do make the distinctions between the insecurity and the mask less clear, sometimes.
I find it's a constant work in progress. But I don't use masks (I wash my hands! - wait, no...). There are other ways to tackle these things.
A constant work in progress is definitely right.
I use a mask in public (ooh, how apt!) but I do drop it in private with my friends. And they're the ones who help the most to break down the negative "
For sure xx |
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"Mr struggles with his confidence always has especially with those he doesn’t know which makes meeting new people not just swingers hard x"
I get it. I found Neff's Self Compassion to be really helpful for me in that regard. And then adding a mask while keeping on building on my confidence and self compassion. |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I (Mr) am actually very shy and lots of insecurities, I tend to over come it with self deprecation, the obvious being my height! As for the shyness people laugh when I say I am but I'm a good actor, I've ran my own business for 20 years and had to be the boss, salesman and many other things, it's just an act. The only draw back is acting confidant can often cross the line into arrogance. I would say most people hide behind a mask of some sort."
I totally relate to this in terms of self employment. I often say I have a persona for when I'm representing my brand. Often people need to buy into you just as much as the product. It's exhausting to maintain though so I'm often exhausted at the end of events I'm selling at. |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I have massive insecurities and an excellent mask for them. I think slowly the mask is actually overtaking the insecurities, which is in part due to me getting used to myself and my body and in part due to the amazing support of people on here and the lively things y'all say to me.
I'll never be totally free of them but I can own them better now."
|
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"I (Mr) am actually very shy and lots of insecurities, I tend to over come it with self deprecation, the obvious being my height! As for the shyness people laugh when I say I am but I'm a good actor, I've ran my own business for 20 years and had to be the boss, salesman and many other things, it's just an act. The only draw back is acting confidant can often cross the line into arrogance. I would say most people hide behind a mask of some sort.
I totally relate to this in terms of self employment. I often say I have a persona for when I'm representing my brand. Often people need to buy into you just as much as the product. It's exhausting to maintain though so I'm often exhausted at the end of events I'm selling at."
I've developed a persona for my community work. And yeah, ditto. |
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Not everyone can deal with situations themselves and asking them to handle insecurities themselves can lead to much bigger problems.
A friend of my mine was hard as nails, confident, good job, nice house, own business and you'd think he had everything in life.
I'm not going into detail but he commited suicide and I didn't suspect a thing.
I believe it was because society expected him to handle any troubles himself, if he'd come to me it "might" have made a difference.
Don't be tough and try to cope alone, a trouble shared is a problem halved.
Be kind and look out for each other folks, tricky times for all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I (Mr) am actually very shy and lots of insecurities, I tend to over come it with self deprecation, the obvious being my height! As for the shyness people laugh when I say I am but I'm a good actor, I've ran my own business for 20 years and had to be the boss, salesman and many other things, it's just an act. The only draw back is acting confidant can often cross the line into arrogance. I would say most people hide behind a mask of some sort.
I totally relate to this in terms of self employment. I often say I have a persona for when I'm representing my brand. Often people need to buy into you just as much as the product. It's exhausting to maintain though so I'm often exhausted at the end of events I'm selling at."
Totally relate to this. It's like at work, I have this persona that I'm confident, demanding, arrogant - when I'm not lol.
Obviously over indexing on something, but it's exhausting having to keep up an act |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Mr struggles with his confidence always has especially with those he doesn’t know which makes meeting new people not just swingers hard x
I get it. I found Neff's Self Compassion to be really helpful for me in that regard. And then adding a mask while keeping on building on my confidence and self compassion."
Self compassion is so important! I've had to learn to stop framing myself as the awkward loser I saw myself as in school and start seeing myself as fun and endearingly dorky  |
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"Not everyone can deal with situations themselves and asking them to handle insecurities themselves can lead to much bigger problems.
A friend of my mine was hard as nails, confident, good job, nice house, own business and you'd think he had everything in life.
I'm not going into detail but he commited suicide and I didn't suspect a thing.
I believe it was because society expected him to handle any troubles himself, if he'd come to me it "might" have made a difference.
Don't be tough and try to cope alone, a trouble shared is a problem halved.
Be kind and look out for each other folks, tricky times for all"
So much.
I'm not that person and never will be. My life has made me otherwise. But I understand the pressure cooker thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is my opinion anyway. I think confidence is in handling your own insecurities and not putting them on others but also being able to discuss them without assigning blame.
I also think it's possible to know your own worth despite having insecurities. People can behave in a confident manner despite having insecurities also.
I think insecurities are things we all have but they vary from person to person and how we handle them massively varies also. Some people become withdrawn due to feeling insecure, others have a confident persona. For some this may be a mask, for others it's a personality trait and their insecurities manifest in a different way.
Random weekend morning musings. Any thoughts? "
Very well said, great post |
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I'm often told I'm confident, but I see it more as being accepting of, and comfortable with, all facets of myself, good and not so good. Nobody is perfect, and there will always be people that don't like me, just as I don't like everybody that I meet - I will never wear a "mask" in an attempt to ingratiate people towards me, I'd rather just spend time with those that like me for being me. If that's confidence then yes, I'm confident |
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"Mr struggles with his confidence always has especially with those he doesn’t know which makes meeting new people not just swingers hard x
I get it. I found Neff's Self Compassion to be really helpful for me in that regard. And then adding a mask while keeping on building on my confidence and self compassion.
Self compassion is so important! I've had to learn to stop framing myself as the awkward loser I saw myself as in school and start seeing myself as fun and endearingly dorky "
It was a big step for me.
Throwing down the ladder for others here. The one I had to carve basically with my teeth because it didn't exist for me: it may be too much to start with compassion. I found it painful and counterproductive, because the damage I'd sustained and the coping mechanisms wouldn't allow it.
If self compassion is too scary... start by not engaging with the self hatred. It exists. As Kabat Zinn says, feelings pass, like weather. Once you can do that, self indifference. Then self acceptance. Then self compassion.
It's not easy but I found starting with self compassion about as easy as running a marathon on two broken legs. Rehab baby |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find people who are outwardly , yet quietly self assured to be the easiest kind of people to be around.
It's draining to be around people who present themselves as the sum of their insecurities and require constant reassurance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its take me many years to gain my confidence in myself. Ive always appeared confident but i used to listen to those little voices that we all have, the ones that tell us we're not good enough, not clever enough etc..
8 years i had a massive blow to myself confidence that left me in a very dark unhappy place .
Thanks to a fantastic councilor i discovered mindfullnes.
Now i dont listen to that inner negative monologue. Its all positives , ans i try not to use the the words should, would and could .
I am as confident on the inside as i am on the outside and too jolly positive for one man ha ha |
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"I find people who are outwardly , yet quietly self assured to be the easiest kind of people to be around.
It's draining to be around people who present themselves as the sum of their insecurities and require constant reassurance "
Yeah. I worked with such a woman. I was never sure if reassurance created a cycle of needing further and greater reassurance or not. She used to text me late at night worrying about something she'd said or done. Often I couldn't even remember the incident |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"So lacy - how do you cope with your insecurities ? You come across as very confident, so just wondering "
Depends on the insecurity. I think for me the main thing is not to rely on external sources for validation to appease them as these things are likely to be temporary and often fleeting and you end up in a vicious cycle of trying to find that again. Even more stable things like friends and long term relationships agaim are not guaranteed to always be there. Your happiness must come from within. It's okay to occasionally seek a little stroke to the ego but this needs to be the equivalent of a comfort treat rather than every meal.
For physical insecurities, I've found that taking care of myself helps. I don't mean constantly striving for some unattainable perfection but a bit of pampering, dressing up, a satisfying session in the gym and eating healthier do help as when I feel better I'm more comfortable in my appearance. It's also good to avoid social media and comparing yourself to others during low moments. I try to remind myself that a lot of what you see online is an illusion and those who appear to look perfect often have a lot of money and spare time to achieve that.
For social insecurities, I just try to be the best person I can and remind myself that's all I can do. I've had to learn that the right people's company can make you feel so much more happy and confident. If you find yourself feeling constantly insecure around certain people it is worth examining why and sometimes the best solution is to not spend time around them anymore. Sometimes different people have different social expectations in people and sometimes they're not always compatible. That doesn't necessarily make either party bad people, just if neither can be comfortably truly themselves then it's potentially not worth putting each other through. Sometimes the issue is entirely within yourself and that can take some self reflection.
A big part is that it's not for other people to fix or appease my insecurities. Many things are for me to work on myself. If you don't get what you need from someone then it's worth discussing if it's just small tweaks you need but if you have dramatic incompatibilities in this regard then it's not worth pursuing. Incompatibility is not a failure on either side. Seeking to change another for your comfort is.
Mostly you need to like yourself. |
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"Interesting take on things, OP.
I've realised I'm insecure, and with that am not currently particularly comfortable in my own skin. Which is a bit of a viscious circle, unfortunately
"
It is. It really is. Hugs |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Not everyone can deal with situations themselves and asking them to handle insecurities themselves can lead to much bigger problems.
A friend of my mine was hard as nails, confident, good job, nice house, own business and you'd think he had everything in life.
I'm not going into detail but he commited suicide and I didn't suspect a thing.
I believe it was because society expected him to handle any troubles himself, if he'd come to me it "might" have made a difference.
Don't be tough and try to cope alone, a trouble shared is a problem halved.
Be kind and look out for each other folks, tricky times for all"
That's totally different. Seeking support for your issues is handling your insecurities rather than putting it on others to appease them. Also mental health problems and insecurities are not the same thing. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"So lacy - how do you cope with your insecurities ? You come across as very confident, so just wondering
Depends on the insecurity. I think for me the main thing is not to rely on external sources for validation to appease them as these things are likely to be temporary and often fleeting and you end up in a vicious cycle of trying to find that again. Even more stable things like friends and long term relationships agaim are not guaranteed to always be there. Your happiness must come from within. It's okay to occasionally seek a little stroke to the ego but this needs to be the equivalent of a comfort treat rather than every meal.
For physical insecurities, I've found that taking care of myself helps. I don't mean constantly striving for some unattainable perfection but a bit of pampering, dressing up, a satisfying session in the gym and eating healthier do help as when I feel better I'm more comfortable in my appearance. It's also good to avoid social media and comparing yourself to others during low moments. I try to remind myself that a lot of what you see online is an illusion and those who appear to look perfect often have a lot of money and spare time to achieve that.
For social insecurities, I just try to be the best person I can and remind myself that's all I can do. I've had to learn that the right people's company can make you feel so much more happy and confident. If you find yourself feeling constantly insecure around certain people it is worth examining why and sometimes the best solution is to not spend time around them anymore. Sometimes different people have different social expectations in people and sometimes they're not always compatible. That doesn't necessarily make either party bad people, just if neither can be comfortably truly themselves then it's potentially not worth putting each other through. Sometimes the issue is entirely within yourself and that can take some self reflection.
A big part is that it's not for other people to fix or appease my insecurities. Many things are for me to work on myself. If you don't get what you need from someone then it's worth discussing if it's just small tweaks you need but if you have dramatic incompatibilities in this regard then it's not worth pursuing. Incompatibility is not a failure on either side. Seeking to change another for your comfort is.
Mostly you need to like yourself."
Brilliantly put |
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Unfortunately fab is a place where many do seek validation of their popularity to appease their inner self esteem, or to boost their confidence. That’s ok if it suits your way of coping with inner demons but here isn’t the best place to do that.
Fab is a place of shifting sands; people change moods on constant wave of ‘feel good’ factor. It can be both good but soul destroying at the same time.
Thankfully the sands seem to have shifted to a kinder, more positive way of thinking compared to a few months ago. |
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"Confidence definitely grows with age "
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually |
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"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually "
I think it can. For many I think it takes some work. That's ok. We all face different demons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately fab is a place where many do seek validation of their popularity to appease their inner self esteem, or to boost their confidence. That’s ok if it suits your way of coping with inner demons but here isn’t the best place to do that.
Fab is a place of shifting sands; people change moods on constant wave of ‘feel good’ factor. It can be both good but soul destroying at the same time.
Thankfully the sands seem to have shifted to a kinder, more positive way of thinking compared to a few months ago. "
Yea well said |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Unfortunately fab is a place where many do seek validation of their popularity to appease their inner self esteem, or to boost their confidence. That’s ok if it suits your way of coping with inner demons but here isn’t the best place to do that.
Fab is a place of shifting sands; people change moods on constant wave of ‘feel good’ factor. It can be both good but soul destroying at the same time.
Thankfully the sands seem to have shifted to a kinder, more positive way of thinking compared to a few months ago. "
Absolutely agree. Personally I work the total opposite. I only join certain games on here when feeling very sure within myself already and avoid them if ever having a wobble. I know that works best for me. To be honest if I'm really wobbling I avoid fab all together. |
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I wouldn't say I'm confident more less concerned what people think about me. And that's not I don't care either just I can't do anything about it so what's the point. I'm confident I know who I am and my beliefs. But Confidence in me wavers depending on my mental and physical health.
Jo.Xx |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually "
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you manage to change that, either by improving yourself or by being more compassionate towards yourself. Whichever way you feel it needs to go. |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Personally, I only worry about the things I can change!
The things I can't change is just time wasting and I allowed myself to do that and it's my own fault - instead of enjoying loved ones/family/friends or even helping them out (if I can?)
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I come across to others especially in work and with friends as very confident but I think that comes with experience - for example I know I'm a kick ass friend and a hard worker.
When it comes to letting people behind my walls thats when my insecurities start to rise and I'm always worried someone will meet me from here or for a date and think they got a bad deal or something. One of the reasons I tend to push people away so as not to disappoint them. I know it's in my head and slowy trying to work on it but when you've always been that way, breaking old habits can be hard |
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"I wouldn't say I'm confident more less concerned what people think about me. And that's not I don't care either just I can't do anything about it so what's the point. I'm confident I know who I am and my beliefs. But Confidence in me wavers depending on my mental and physical health.
Jo.Xx "
You never show it Jo, that’s the difference x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree. I still see myself as unconfident but I know I have more confidence than I did 30 years ago.
It's when my anxiety flares up that I lose the confidence but I also know I am more likely to tell someone I am feeling anxious and why and that the anxiety will pass.
Overall it's taken me about 25 years to be happy with 'me' (personality wise) and to come to terms with what I am like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually "
Same here. I have to learn to keep my thought to myself. I've just managed to push a great bloke away with my constant negative whittering  |
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"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually
Same here. I have to learn to keep my thought to myself. I've just managed to push a great bloke away with my constant negative whittering "
It's about finding safe people and outlets, about finding balances in relationships. Not bottling things up. |
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"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually
Same here. I have to learn to keep my thought to myself. I've just managed to push a great bloke away with my constant negative whittering
It's about finding safe people and outlets, about finding balances in relationships. Not bottling things up. "
Safe people - that’s it exactly! Those you don’t have to create barriers with because you know they will just create an atmosphere that feels ‘unsafe’ - I like the way you highlighted that Swing |
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"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually
Same here. I have to learn to keep my thought to myself. I've just managed to push a great bloke away with my constant negative whittering
It's about finding safe people and outlets, about finding balances in relationships. Not bottling things up.
Safe people - that’s it exactly! Those you don’t have to create barriers with because you know they will just create an atmosphere that feels ‘unsafe’ - I like the way you highlighted that Swing "
Lots of my posts on this kind of thing are things I've found out the hard way.
Building confidence is ultimately about working on yourself. But that's really difficult to do without support. You find the people who support you, and who you can support. (Same as anything else. I've got friends I talk to about politics, some I talk to about mental health, some I talk to about hobbies or whatever else. You take each dynamic as you find it) |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I agree. I still see myself as unconfident but I know I have more confidence than I did 30 years ago.
It's when my anxiety flares up that I lose the confidence but I also know I am more likely to tell someone I am feeling anxious and why and that the anxiety will pass.
Overall it's taken me about 25 years to be happy with 'me' (personality wise) and to come to terms with what I am like."
Being able to express your anxieties is a level of confidence in itself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I use to hang around with the wrong people to fit it as i wasnt confidence. But i worked out, the crowd i was with wasnt good for me.
Focused on myself and my confidence came back, im happy with who i am now
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"I agree. I still see myself as unconfident but I know I have more confidence than I did 30 years ago.
It's when my anxiety flares up that I lose the confidence but I also know I am more likely to tell someone I am feeling anxious and why and that the anxiety will pass.
Overall it's taken me about 25 years to be happy with 'me' (personality wise) and to come to terms with what I am like.
Being able to express your anxieties is a level of confidence in itself "
For sure.
There's strength in revealing your vulnerability sometimes. |
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By *acey_Red OP Woman
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Confidence definitely grows with age
Seems to working in reverse for me, somehow
But picking up on Lacey's point above, I'm also not convinced I like myself very much at the moment. But I'm hopeful that the feeling will pass eventually
Same here. I have to learn to keep my thought to myself. I've just managed to push a great bloke away with my constant negative whittering
It's about finding safe people and outlets, about finding balances in relationships. Not bottling things up.
Safe people - that’s it exactly! Those you don’t have to create barriers with because you know they will just create an atmosphere that feels ‘unsafe’ - I like the way you highlighted that Swing
Lots of my posts on this kind of thing are things I've found out the hard way.
Building confidence is ultimately about working on yourself. But that's really difficult to do without support. You find the people who support you, and who you can support. (Same as anything else. I've got friends I talk to about politics, some I talk to about mental health, some I talk to about hobbies or whatever else. You take each dynamic as you find it) "
This is what I meant in my post to Error about how some people you may need to avoid spending too much time with if the exasperate your insecurities. For me this is people who are overly concerned with appearing "cool" as its just not me. My happy place is with people who enjoy silliness, quirkiness and nerdiness. With the right people I feel so content and at ease with myself around them and socialising with them is just easy and enjoyable. If I've known people a while and I still feel a level of anxiety around them then I figure they're just not my people. Finding my people has been wonderful though I'm finding more of them the older I get. Possibly as things become less focused on social image as you get older. |
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"This is what I meant in my post to Error about how some people you may need to avoid spending too much time with if the exasperate your insecurities. For me this is people who are overly concerned with appearing "cool" as its just not me. My happy place is with people who enjoy silliness, quirkiness and nerdiness. With the right people I feel so content and at ease with myself around them and socialising with them is just easy and enjoyable. If I've known people a while and I still feel a level of anxiety around them then I figure they're just not my people. Finding my people has been wonderful though I'm finding more of them the older I get. Possibly as things become less focused on social image as you get older. "
I hear this so much. Process has been non linear for me, but hey, it's a learning process. |
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"I wouldn't say I'm confident more less concerned what people think about me. And that's not I don't care either just I can't do anything about it so what's the point. I'm confident I know who I am and my beliefs. But Confidence in me wavers depending on my mental and physical health.
Jo.Xx
You never show it Jo, that’s the difference x "
I hide my insecurities well!
Jo.Xx |
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"This is my opinion anyway. I think confidence is in handling your own insecurities and not putting them on others but also being able to discuss them without assigning blame.
I also think it's possible to know your own worth despite having insecurities. People can behave in a confident manner despite having insecurities also.
I think insecurities are things we all have but they vary from person to person and how we handle them massively varies also. Some people become withdrawn due to feeling insecure, others have a confident persona. For some this may be a mask, for others it's a personality trait and their insecurities manifest in a different way.
Random weekend morning musings. Any thoughts? "
Totally agree people assume I’m confident but I’m actually not I have some serious body insecurities especially after having my kids  |
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