FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why do people still get married
Why do people still get married
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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when 42% of marriages end in divorce, those aren’t good odds. Anything else with those kind of odds people would think fuck that, It isn’t worth the risk and yet here we are with people continuing to still getting married ?!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wanted to be a princess for the day 
That’s basically it isn’t it and the blokes just go along with it ?!  "
Haha. Yup!
In all seriousness before I get slated! 25 years happily married, 2 wonderful children and still the best of friends now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because they want to.
I'm divorced and I cried the whole way through the ceremony because I knew it was a mistake and it wasn't really what I wanted or how I felt it was supposed to. However I carried on because I was pregnant and in my head something said it was the wise thing to do.
I haven't given up on the idea of marrying for love though just yet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe because they are in love and they want to? "
42% of people in love fall out of love and that’s just the ones we know about, how many people are in a loveless marriage, love is fleeting.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what's the overall chronological trend , age categories and population sample?
My lifegoal is to marry, but just haven't found a suitable person yet."
Best ask Professor McScience |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People have slimmer odds winning the lottery but here they are paying their £2 a week religiously  "
Yeah, but they only have to live with a lottery ticket till Saturday night, then they can put it in the bin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe because they are in love and they want to?
42% of people in love fall out of love and that’s just the ones we know about, how many people are in a loveless marriage, love is fleeting. "
For some it is yes but not for everyone. I got divorced after 12 years, my parents on the other hand literally stuck to their vows and were married until the day my dad died. Would of been 40 years this year.
It's hope, sometimes you just need to have hope that it will work. Otherwise why bother doing anything, may as well just give up now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I married my much better half 21 years ago and I’d marry her again in less then a heart beat because I love her and luckily enough for me she loves me(fuck knows why) but my first wife even though I loved her and still do I wouldn’t marry her again because the personal fit wasn’t as close as I have with my present wife.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because 52 % stay together and probably about 45 % of your 48 % divorced people thought they'd stay together too
. Which now gives a relationship / marriage 98% expected success rate when standing at the alter. Most people will go for it at those odds, even you OP.  "
Exactly this! Most don't get married with the intent of getting divorced. |
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I will counter this with...
I'm sure I read somewhere that 75% of all relationships fail, so why are people still trying to find a connection, someone to be with if the odds are against us.
Whether they make it 'official' ring on finger, bit of paper or live together, have kids, buy a house etc there is still heartbreak and a messy entanglement to sort out if/when it goes wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because 58 % stay together and probably about 40 % of your 42 % divorced people thought they'd stay together too
. Which now gives a relationship / marriage 98% expected success rate when standing at the alter. Most people will go for it at those odds, even you OP.
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I (Luke) got married because I was brought up to believe that that was what you were supposed to aim for in love.
One failed marriage later and I know there are various ways relationships can look. I am certain that I will never get married again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Because 52 % stay together and probably about 45 % of your 48 % divorced people thought they'd stay together too
. Which now gives a relationship / marriage 98% expected success rate when standing at the alter. Most people will go for it at those odds, even you OP.
Exactly this! Most don't get married with the intent of getting divorced. "
Marriage is a social construct, I don’t need a piece of paper to say I love her, she already knows. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"when 42% of marriages end in divorce, those aren’t good odds. Anything else with those kind of odds people would think fuck that, It isn’t worth the risk and yet here we are with people continuing to still getting married ?! "
17 years , 3 great kids, (all born before we married!) Marriage is the vows you choose plus the legal part , if you can’t do it or don’t want it, do t do it. I would marry her again if I could! Even if the odds were one in a million
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got married in Feb 94, because I wanted to and loved her.
28 years later and we want different things in life, so we’re getting divorced and I’ve now met someone that makes me happy, loves me and is generally a wonderful woman.
I really do wonder sometimes why we didn’t get divorced earlier, but you make your vows and try to stick to them and hope that things will get better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m in a profession with one of the highest divorce rates... I knew that before, but I still got married. I thought it would be forever.. no pressure, we both wanted the ‘happy ever after’ at the time.
Now I’m just a statistic  |
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I think it must feel amazing when you get married.
Knowing someone really is tjat in love with you that they'll declare it in front of all your friends and family. That their intention at that point is to be with you til the end of days, that they imagine growing old with you.
That they want to celebrate their love for you, with you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"when 42% of marriages end in divorce, those aren’t good odds. Anything else with those kind of odds people would think fuck that, It isn’t worth the risk and yet here we are with people continuing to still getting married ?! "
I suppose it’s a blanket thought in everyone’s mind that it’s something to get ticked off the bucket list. |
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"I think it must feel amazing when you get married.
Knowing someone really is tjat in love with you that they'll declare it in front of all your friends and family. That their intention at that point is to be with you til the end of days, that they imagine growing old with you.
That they want to celebrate their love for you, with you.
"
You could do this at a house party. |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
"what's the overall chronological trend , age categories and population sample?
My lifegoal is to marry, but just haven't found a suitable person yet.
Best ask Professor McScience "
You asked the question, I'm asking for elaboration of the facts |
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"Maybe because they are in love and they want to?
42% of people in love fall out of love and that’s just the ones we know about, how many people are in a loveless marriage, love is fleeting. "
Not always... I agree all too often it fails. But I have huge admiration for this who have stood side by side for 50, 60, 70 years. I wonder whether when they shuffle off their mortal coil, they say... "they were the best 70 years of my life" or "fuck I wish I'd shagged around with meaningless strangers a whole lot more".... Answer that one scientists! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never taken the plunge myself but if I did it would be an intimate ceremony, on the beach, bare feet, decent little party when we returned..job done.
Just looked at a few profiles on here and I’d even consider moving to the arse end of the country to if the right lady came along..Derry top of the list too..!!! |
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I don't want to get married, I can commit to someone without getting married to them, my first serious fwb relationship lasted 13 years, I've always naturally settled into leading a independent life and am happiest when I can come and go as I please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of people who are deeply in love, are not married. And have relationships that last for years. And children to. Marriage is a legal contract, which can be very expensive to exit. Anybody male or female, gay or straight, should think very carefully before entering in to it, as financially it can be ruinous,just so someone can be a princess for the day. Next time if I ever got married, I would make sure I was the princess for the day, and get to wear the nice dress. But you learn from experience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been married twice (divorced, widowed) even through all that I can't wait to marry Mrs - ceremony is all booked for 2022 and it's going to be a celebration of all things us.
Harry potter themed and geeked up to the rafters.
I think getting married is a personal choice, it's not for everyone. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Although I like the idea of getting married, I’ve always held back from that final step. I think deep down being tied down to someone on paper is what stops me. I like the freedom of just being able to walk away when they do my swede in.
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My parents married nearly 66 years ago because they were in love and they expected to. They're still married.
We married nearly 33 years ago after 7 years living together because we were in love and we wanted to. We're still married.
I couldn't say why other people marry. Love ? Hope? Expectation?
I wonder how many people whose first marriages fail go on to have successful second marriages. Is longevity the only definition of success in any relationship? |
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Having never found anyone to marry I assume for the...
Marriage Tax Relief
Widows Pension
Portion of assets come divorce
Or I know of a friend who got married as she wanted a wedding! really that is what she told me... needless to say ended in divorce
Another friend married as he felt he had to, it was expected of him... again ended in divorce
Then there are those who marry as they are in love |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Human beings are not monogamous by nature anyway. Its pretty hard going to just have sex with one person the rest of your life. And I feel unrealistic. Admittedly jealousy can be a issue, but some swinging couples have very strong marriages, and good luck to them. Wish my ex had been more broadminded, think swinging would have been a good thing for both of us to enjoy various things. |
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It has never been top of my agenda. The two that I ‘trial tested’ both failed miserably on the fidelity tick box so I’ve never repeated it
Fab suits my lifestyle; I don’t need support financial or otherwise so this route enables me to select who I chose to spend my ‘playtime’ with.
Apart from the fact I've saved at least £20k ( that’s what each of my siblings weddings cost) on a piss up for some I wouldn’t even want to share my day with.... weddings always create a politically correct seating plan! |
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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago
Gleam Street |
I never thought I would. Up til now at 44 it's never been a thing.
I met a chap on here who suited my life outlook..and me his. Two years on... we are getting married next year.
Why? Because I adore him, I want to and I can...and as he asked me, I can only assume he feels the same way... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can understand the desire to be a princess for the day. Some bridal dresses look amazing, and the bridesmaids. I remember when I got married, wishing I could have been one of the adult bridesmaids instead, in the beautiful satin gowns. |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
It was a toss up between buying a dog licence or getting married (same price), I chose to get married. 39 years later we are still married, it was therefore a good decision because the dog would have died after around 25 years |
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We've been married 11yrs. I think we liked the idea of affirming our love in front of our family and friends and we also liked the legal aspect of the protection it afforded our children, as we married before in law, any cohabitation or civil partnerships etc were a thing. We had a pretty cheap wedding - we'd not long graduated and we had little money to spend, so it was nothing to do with showing off. |
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"It was a toss up between buying a dog licence or getting married (same price), I chose to get married. 39 years later we are still married, it was therefore a good decision because the dog would have died after around 25 years"
.
But you could have bought another and still been together. So many poor dogs need a happy home. |
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"Because they want to.
I'm divorced and I cried the whole way through the ceremony because I knew it was a mistake and it wasn't really what I wanted or how I felt it was supposed to. However I carried on because I was pregnant and in my head something said it was the wise thing to do.
I haven't given up on the idea of marrying for love though just yet "
Awww hun that’s so sad but so lovely that you haven’t given up....
I was married 11yrs after yr1 I knew one day we would get divorced, Shane it took another 10 for us to accept defeat lol
Saying that I’m still looking for my lobster and would marry again in a heart beat  |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
I've been married twice.
I got divorced, then had a long term relationship that ended not long after we got engaged.
After that I said was never doing that again, actually I said I was never going to live with anyone ever again.
Then I met my husband. We were blissfully happy, he understood me, understood why I'd never want to share a house etc...
Then he nearly died and I realised how much I wanted him to be a permanent fixture in my life... So he moved in with me so I could look after him, he never left. We moved out of my houseshare into our own home.
Marriage is really important to him, and I wanted to publically show my commitment to him. So when he asked me to marry him, it was a no brainer. I said yes straight away. |
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"Must admit i do feel a bit sad that i nevwr got to wear that dress, get my hair and make up done for those lovely pics. Never mind."
Never say never hun. You could always just buy the dress and have the pics Fuck the wedding |
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"Must admit i do feel a bit sad that i nevwr got to wear that dress, get my hair and make up done for those lovely pics. Never mind. Never say never hun. You could always just buy the dress and have the pics Fuck the wedding "
Very true but no spring chicken now. Would have looked good 30yrs ago but too late now |
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I have never been married I was engaged for a while but I messed up.
If I could be in a marriage like my Grandparents were I would. But I doubt I will find the companionship and happiness they had together. They broke the mould.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because 52 % stay together and probably about 45 % of your 48 % divorced people thought they'd stay together too
. Which now gives a relationship / marriage 98% expected success rate when standing at the alter. Most people will go for it at those odds, even you OP.
Exactly this! Most don't get married with the intent of getting divorced.
Marriage is a social construct, I don’t need a piece of paper to say I love her, she already knows."
Then why does it matter so much that you have to post here?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Marriage works when both parties put love and trust in equally, I was lucky enough to have 26yrs of marriage......something I’m unlikely to experience again, but I’m so glad I was in the 52% and not the disgruntled 42% xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"when 42% of marriages end in divorce, those aren’t good odds. Anything else with those kind of odds people would think fuck that, It isn’t worth the risk and yet here we are with people continuing to still getting married ?! "
Because love is hope I suppose, sorry but I'm a hopeless romantic. Nothings certain in this life but death, live everyday as if it's your last, grab the moments while you can, if a relationship ends, it still hurts just as much as if you were not married. It's love that matters? |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Marriage works when both parties put love and trust in equally, I was lucky enough to have 26yrs of marriage......something I’m unlikely to experience again, but I’m so glad I was in the 52% and not the disgruntled 42% xxx"
When you choose to make the vows, you’re committed to work through almost any future problems ( maybe not violence or cheating) because you believe the person is worth it. When you have problems later you can just disregard that vow you made and walk away or remember how you felt when you made it and work at it. If you’re not married it isn’t quite the sane |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm hoping to marry someone eventually. I blame Disney etc.
But my FWB and people I've met, are not marriage material. I speak to them and act differently around them as opposed to people I've been in an actual relationship with. Perhaps there's more respect and teamwork with a wedded partner?
Either way, I don't want to live the Fab lifestyle for the rest of eternity.  |
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"I'm hoping to marry someone eventually. I blame Disney etc.
But my FWB and people I've met, are not marriage material. I speak to them and act differently around them as opposed to people I've been in an actual relationship with. Perhaps there's more respect and teamwork with a wedded partner?
Either way, I don't want to live the Fab lifestyle for the rest of eternity. "
This is a genuine question not a dig. What do you mean by "marriage material"? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone with assets should be very wary of matrimonial commitment, or risk losing lots of money. When the loved up stuff ends, people go for the money. It's not just your house, it's everything including your pension, and certainly not 50%each either, the drama and sense of entitlement never ends,. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally my husband and I decided it would be a nice chance to celebrate our relationship with our closest friends and family after 3 tough years doing long distance while I was away at uni |
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There are odds, but those odds are general and devoid of specifics. Every relationship is different. I think most of us know many different couples and would propotion different odds of success from couple to couple we know. I have been married before in my early 20s and hopefully I've learnt many lessons about myself and about marrying a woman who was not right for me and did not treat me right. But that also helps me identify the right woman. I think the trouble is many people go into a marriage before they know and love them selves (often both parties). I make a lot of my life decisions on odds and would not have proposed to My Girl if I didn't know 100% she was made for me and that we are cast iron together. So no I fear not those odds because they are not relevant to us. We are a formidable team who have both trodden very difficult paths and learnt many life lessons that some how lead us to each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know a few men whos partners changed completely once they were married and not for the better. It has put me off."
I know quite a few women who’s partners changed completely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know a few men whos partners changed completely once they were married and not for the better. It has put me off.
I know quite a few women who’s partners changed completely "
I know people who changed people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe because they are in love and they want to?
42% of people in love fall out of love and that’s just the ones we know about, how many people are in a loveless marriage, love is fleeting. "
Gosh you asking all the married men cheating on wives or vice versa on fab. Most struggle telling you 2 weeks after talking they are married.
Some stay because its deadly expensive and kids.
You watched married at first sight. An experiment. They all end up splitting up. They look for love but don't find it.
Don't tell the bride. Groom arranges the wedding. I wonder how many still together though.
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I was in love and wanted a family. I believe if you're going to make the biggest commitment ie bringing and raising a child you do that with someone who's committed to you.
We lasted 22 years: the death of our only son broke us, but we raised three happy, secure daughters who have gone on to marry men with the same values as their dad.
Other half I met on here seven years ago wants us to marry, it'll be his first, but my answer is an emphatic no!
Been there... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe because they are in love and they want to?
42% of people in love fall out of love and that’s just the ones we know about, how many people are in a loveless marriage, love is fleeting.
Gosh you asking all the married men cheating on wives or vice versa on fab. Most struggle telling you 2 weeks after talking they are married.
Some stay because its deadly expensive and kids.
You watched married at first sight. An experiment. They all end up splitting up. They look for love but don't find it.
Don't tell the bride. Groom arranges the wedding. I wonder how many still together though.
"
Those kind of programmes are ridiculous and totally take the piss out of marriage. |
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"I (Luke) got married because I was brought up to believe that that was what you were supposed to aim for in love.
One failed marriage later and I know there are various ways relationships can look. I am certain that I will never get married again. "
Same I married as I thought that’s what you should do. Married for 17 yrs later and left him for the sake of my children (which is also the reason I stayed so long)
I now have confidence in myself which I didn’t have then so have no need at all for marriage. I would like a long term partner but even then I wouldn’t feel the need to move in just enjoy life and see how it goes.
My ex has married again bu that’s a control thing for him, he has to be in control and finds a way to do it romantically (or so you think) not that he sticks to his marriage vows nor respects others marriage vows and had no problem demanding a previous gf put her husband out of their marital home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in love and wanted a family. I believe if you're going to make the biggest commitment ie bringing and raising a child you do that with someone who's committed to you.
We lasted 22 years: the death of our only son broke us, but we raised three happy, secure daughters who have gone on to marry men with the same values as their dad.
Other half I met on here seven years ago wants us to marry, it'll be his first, but my answer is an emphatic no!
Been there..."
7 years!! I remember when you met him. 
Is it a no because of finance reasons? I'm not sure what laws affect cohabiting partners. |
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"I wanted to be a princess for the day
That’s basically it isn’t it and the blokes just go along with it ?! "
Other way round for us!! We arranged our wedding from T’s hospital bed whilst he was having a stem cell transplant for non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I would have married him in my jeans in a car park. He wanted the big white wedding (I’d been married before) & that’s what he got with cherries on top 21 months ago
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't it about the bit in between and telling someone they're important, innit? By the same odds, why be born if you're just gonna die? Why excercise when your muscles will eventually fade? Why cut your hair? Why shave? Why tan? why get out of bed, why......? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Marriage is just a legal contract. Romantic love is transitory, and passes, legal claim on your assets is not. Anybody considering marriage, should consult legal advice as the financial costs of divorce can be staggering. Is it really worth it?. Get a dog if you are lonely or a cat, much cheaper in the long run. |
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"I was in love and wanted a family. I believe if you're going to make the biggest commitment ie bringing and raising a child you do that with someone who's committed to you.
We lasted 22 years: the death of our only son broke us, but we raised three happy, secure daughters who have gone on to marry men with the same values as their dad.
Other half I met on here seven years ago wants us to marry, it'll be his first, but my answer is an emphatic no!
Been there...
7 years!! I remember when you met him.
Is it a no because of finance reasons? I'm not sure what laws affect cohabiting partners. "
I know, the time has flown.
Yes, financial mainly. |
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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
I got married to Mr because I couldn't and still can't imagine spending a day without him to come home to. Did I need a bit of paper to say the same? No, would I change it....definitely not. I love the fact that he loves me for me and enough to explore life, kink, ups and downs and stand by me through it all xT (soppy I know) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just to clarify I’m not against marriage, but I’m very much a stats guy and you wouldn’t take those odds for anything else that you were going to put £10,000 on. |
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We married quite young at 21there was no big dress ,big wedding just close family and our best friends..We got married as we loved each other as simple as that .We are still married and very much if not more in love with each other now than we ever were. |
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" Just to clarify I’m not against marriage, but I’m very much a stats guy and you wouldn’t take those odds for anything else that you were going to put £10,000 on. "
Spend less on getting married then! No need to spend £10k  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It means a lot to me that he wants to spend his life with me as I felt too weird to be loved since my teens. I was 23 when I finally found my OH who loves how weird I am and I'm enjoying I can finally be myself around someone.
Also being naturally submissive it gives me that feeling of belonging to someone. I don't want an expensive wedding because it's about us two not about showing off what I can(or cannot) afford to everyone I know. I would much rather have a wedding with just two witnesses and spend more on a luxury honeymoon. |
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" Just to clarify I’m not against marriage, but I’m very much a stats guy and you wouldn’t take those odds for anything else that you were going to put £10,000 on. "
I'm not against marriage, but I could think of better things to spend any amount of money on rather than getting married. Been with my OH for over 22 years now. |
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