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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What’s people’s view on herpes? And people with herpes? (Either kind)
Would you play with someone who you know has had it?
Reading about it the blood test is unreliable and I read somewhere that about 80% of sexually active adults probably have it but show no symptoms. Really keen to hear people’s thoughts? |
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It's certainly not as big of a deal as many think. Obviously I'd rather not catch it though personally. But yes you're right, many who carry the virus don't know that they do so you're possibly safer with someone who is aware they do and manages it with medication. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's certainly not as big of a deal as many think. Obviously I'd rather not catch it though personally. But yes you're right, many who carry the virus don't know that they do so you're possibly safer with someone who is aware they do and manages it with medication. "
Yeah, I think taking a blood test will only tell you half a story and they are unreliable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s people’s view on herpes? And people with herpes? (Either kind)
Would you play with someone who you know has had it?
Reading about it the blood test is unreliable and I read somewhere that about 80% of sexually active adults probably have it but show no symptoms. Really keen to hear people’s thoughts? "
Hi op
Just read from the Terence Higgins Trust.
It's a virus.
Spread through skin to skin
During vaginal oral or anal sex.
HSV1 HSV2
The simplex virus stays in the body for life.
Terence Higgins Trust.
For me. No.
Wear condoms they suggest to cut the risk. |
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I think that anyone with herpes (type 1 or 2) has a responsibility to inform potential partners that they have the infection so that appropriate measures to prevent transmission can be discussed*.
Skin-skin contact is extremely inadvisable during an active infection but the prodromal phase is also important as some of those with the infection will be aware the condition is reactivating.
Anti-viral** medication may shorten the severity and duration of an active infection, reduce viral shedding (lessens the risk of transmission) and, if taken long-term, reduce the possibility of future outbreaks.
*Condoms (male a& female), dental dams and, possibly, non-microwavable 'cling film'. Not sharing toys.
**aAcyclovir, famciclovir and valacyclovir (see your GP or GU clinic).
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think that anyone with herpes (type 1 or 2) has a responsibility to inform potential partners that they have the infection so that appropriate measures to prevent transmission can be discussed*.
Skin-skin contact is extremely inadvisable during an active infection but the prodromal phase is also important as some of those with the infection will be aware the condition is reactivating.
Anti-viral** medication may shorten the severity and duration of an active infection, reduce viral shedding (lessens the risk of transmission) and, if taken long-term, reduce the possibility of future outbreaks.
*Condoms (male a& female), dental dams and, possibly, non-microwavable 'cling film'. Not sharing toys.
**aAcyclovir, famciclovir and valacyclovir (see your GP or GU clinic).
"
Thanks that’s really helpful - it just comes down to good communication |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world. "
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world. "
I think I’d rather weigh up the risk/options and would rather meet someone upfront about it than retrospectively find out. In fact I think that’s against the law. I think there is a lot of stigma around herpes.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?"
If most ppl who have it don't know, because you generally need symptoms to get an accurate test, and if symptoms vary significantly in terms of visibility, then surely pretty much anyone in this thread could have it.....? |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
70% of people have had contact with HSV-1 by the age of 11 and won't ever know.
80% of the sexually active population have had contact with HPV.
People can't tell you about something they don't know they have, but in these two cases it's wiser to assume everyone has it, use protection and in the case of herpes (for which protection isn't always going to help as it can be spread by any skin to skin contact), make sure you look for visible sores in any of the areas you can see to minimise your risk as it's more transmittable when it's in the blister stage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?
If most ppl who have it don't know, because you generally need symptoms to get an accurate test, and if symptoms vary significantly in terms of visibility, then surely pretty much anyone in this thread could have it.....? "
Exactly. I’ve just been diagnosed today. Which has been a very depressing day. Just wondering peoples thoughts on it all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they were not having a flare up and full protection was used then I possibly would. To be honest I probably wouldn’t know either way if they were not having a flare up.
Herpes type 1 (oral herpes) I would have no issue meeting someone that occasionally suffers from cold sores I just wouldn’t want to kiss them at that time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If they were not having a flare up and full protection was used then I possibly would. To be honest I probably wouldn’t know either way if they were not having a flare up.
Herpes type 1 (oral herpes) I would have no issue meeting someone that occasionally suffers from cold sores I just wouldn’t want to kiss them at that time. "
Yeah, Aparantly there is still a risk. I’ve got so much reading to do. So bummed out with this result xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would just avoid but right now its all hypothetical anyway isn't it. "
At the moment I’m just reading up on it, making sure I put enough in place to put people at ease and just looking after myself. I’m an honest person. Feel a little like damaged goods right now but hopefully once I’m more knowledgeable I’ll feel more confident. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If there are no symptoms and the test is unreliable, how would you know if you had it? "
You wouldn’t. I know as I got symptoms and then got tested via swab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If there are no symptoms and the test is unreliable, how would you know if you had it?
You wouldn’t. I know as I got symptoms and then got tested via swab. "
Sorry to hear that Cupcake, your head must be all over the place at the moment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If there are no symptoms and the test is unreliable, how would you know if you had it? "
The only test that’s accurate for herpes is done with a viral swab (similar to a covid swab) and they have to roll the swab over the sore to get a good deposit for it to be sent for testing. So they can only test for it if sores are present |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If there are no symptoms and the test is unreliable, how would you know if you had it?
You wouldn’t. I know as I got symptoms and then got tested via swab.
Sorry to hear that Cupcake, your head must be all over the place at the moment "
I’m really upset and confused. And feel so much like damaged goods. |
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By *aitMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Have you had chicken pox?
Chicken pox can return later as shingles - very dangerous.
Do you tell everyone that you are harbouring the chicken pox virus?
Herpes returns as another painless, and perhaps nearly invisible, sore which lasts for a few days.
BIG DEAL!!!
You're making a mountain out of a mole hill. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If there are no symptoms and the test is unreliable, how would you know if you had it?
You wouldn’t. I know as I got symptoms and then got tested via swab.
Sorry to hear that Cupcake, your head must be all over the place at the moment
I’m really upset and confused. And feel so much like damaged goods. "
Is there a support network /counsellors that you can talk to? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you had chicken pox?
Chicken pox can return later as shingles - very dangerous.
Do you tell everyone that you are harbouring the chicken pox virus?
Herpes returns as another painless, and perhaps nearly invisible, sore which lasts for a few days.
BIG DEAL!!!
You're making a mountain out of a mole hill."
I see your point and it’s just a little virus not that bad , however it’s one thing to unknowingly have it and accidentally infect others , and quite another (it’s actually agains the law) to have a positive sti result and not have given the other person consent to proceed with the facts.
By the way, it’s not one sore - it’s a lot of very angry raised blisters with cuts on the edges - i wouldn’t wish this is on anyone x
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"Have you had chicken pox?
Chicken pox can return later as shingles - very dangerous.
Do you tell everyone that you are harbouring the chicken pox virus?
Herpes returns as another painless, and perhaps nearly invisible, sore which lasts for a few days.
BIG DEAL!!!
You're making a mountain out of a mole hill."
Why is it called a sore if it's painless? That sounds pretty contradictory.
From what I've read seems like most of us will have it and most of those that do don't know.
I imagine if we all said "I might have herpes" before we met then it may not be such a shock or so frowned upon, when in fact it's true, especially as transmission is through skin rather than semen or vag juice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If there are no symptoms and the test is unreliable, how would you know if you had it?
You wouldn’t. I know as I got symptoms and then got tested via swab.
Sorry to hear that Cupcake, your head must be all over the place at the moment
I’m really upset and confused. And feel so much like damaged goods.
Is there a support network /counsellors that you can talk to? "
I’m not sure - possibly. The clinic said they’d call me in five days to discuss further. So rubbish! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you had chicken pox?
Chicken pox can return later as shingles - very dangerous.
Do you tell everyone that you are harbouring the chicken pox virus?
Herpes returns as another painless, and perhaps nearly invisible, sore which lasts for a few days.
BIG DEAL!!!
You're making a mountain out of a mole hill."
Very good points made here. It's the same as the ones on your face and a vast majority wouldn't tell you they have had a cold sore but would happily snog you because they weren't showing symptoms.
Just because we are talking about type 2, which is passed through sexual contact, it has to be vilified and is worse some how.
First outbreak is always worse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you had chicken pox?
Chicken pox can return later as shingles - very dangerous.
Do you tell everyone that you are harbouring the chicken pox virus?
Herpes returns as another painless, and perhaps nearly invisible, sore which lasts for a few days.
BIG DEAL!!!
You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Very good points made here. It's the same as the ones on your face and a vast majority wouldn't tell you they have had a cold sore but would happily snog you because they weren't showing symptoms.
Just because we are talking about type 2, which is passed through sexual contact, it has to be vilified and is worse some how.
First outbreak is always worse."
I expect a lot of people will want to avoid play with me and I totally respect that. It’s just frustrating that I already know most people have it and can pass it around but because I have the absolutely green light to say I do, I’m a villain. Sigh. |
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
I think I’d rather weigh up the risk/options and would rather meet someone upfront about it than retrospectively find out. In fact I think that’s against the law. I think there is a lot of stigma around herpes.
"
I have two friends who have it and are very open about their status. One has only ever had 1 outbreak and she caught it from oral sex with a woman. Obviously there's always some it will be a deal breaker for but I wouldn’t say it has hugely held either back from having a sex life they're happy with. |
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?
If most ppl who have it don't know, because you generally need symptoms to get an accurate test, and if symptoms vary significantly in terms of visibility, then surely pretty much anyone in this thread could have it.....? "
Absolutely. Statistically it's likely. |
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?
If most ppl who have it don't know, because you generally need symptoms to get an accurate test, and if symptoms vary significantly in terms of visibility, then surely pretty much anyone in this thread could have it.....?
Exactly. I’ve just been diagnosed today. Which has been a very depressing day. Just wondering peoples thoughts on it all.
"
Sending hugs! I imagine it's a lot to get your head around  . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
I think I’d rather weigh up the risk/options and would rather meet someone upfront about it than retrospectively find out. In fact I think that’s against the law. I think there is a lot of stigma around herpes.
I have two friends who have it and are very open about their status. One has only ever had 1 outbreak and she caught it from oral sex with a woman. Obviously there's always some it will be a deal breaker for but I wouldn’t say it has hugely held either back from having a sex life they're happy with. "
That’s quite good. It’s more the stigma attached to the infection. Even in myself I feel totally dirty - when pretty much everyone statistically has it.
It’s not a huge deal and I respect those who make a decision not to play with me - it’s not personal.
Down below on me would argue it’s a huge deal just now! Ouch!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?"
Agree, but the question was "would you play with someone who you know has had it?" I wouldn't meet them if they told me beforehand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?
If most ppl who have it don't know, because you generally need symptoms to get an accurate test, and if symptoms vary significantly in terms of visibility, then surely pretty much anyone in this thread could have it.....?
Exactly. I’ve just been diagnosed today. Which has been a very depressing day. Just wondering peoples thoughts on it all.
"
Sorry to hear that. I used to get cold sores on my mouth during childhood, often instead of a cold and know important not to pass on to others. It’s a similar virus and once you have it you have it for life. Have never had it anywhere else on my body and the last 5 years I think I have only had it mildly once and I zapped the cream on as soon as I felt it and it went very quickly.
I think taking high does of vit C helps, which I take to help with my eczema. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?
Agree, but the question was "would you play with someone who you know has had it?" I wouldn't meet them if they told me beforehand. "
Can I ask why? Would you refuse to meet someone who told you that 10 years ago they had a cold sore on their mouth? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't want to meet anybody with any form of infection and I would be seriously pissed if I caught it and the person hadn't let me know beforehand. That would be a terrible thing to do. I think it must be rotten luck to get it and I really feel for anybody catching anything through doing the most natural thing in the world.
Most folk with it wouldn't know they had it though, right, so what's to tell....?
Agree, but the question was "would you play with someone who you know has had it?" I wouldn't meet them if they told me beforehand.
Can I ask why? Would you refuse to meet someone who told you that 10 years ago they had a cold sore on their mouth? "
Herpes can spread easily, and there's a real risk of transmission even if a person isn't experiencing an outbreak. We are talking about someone who tells me before a meet that they have been diagnosed with it. I also would not wish to meet someone who has the cold sore virus as I wouldn't wish to get them either. So if they said before our meet "I get cold sores", I wouldn't wish to meet and would appreciate their honesty. It's just my preference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had cold sores myself.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an STD/STI though as it can spread through skin on skin contact.
I used to have them more often as a child but I found that a good diet and healthy lifestyle can pretty much eliminate the outbreaks.
I haven't had a cold sore for the 2 years I've lived in Canada.
And when you do get one, isopropyl alcohol can be extremely helpful in stoping an outbreak the second you start feeling that tingling sensation.
Just make sure you don't rub/scratch your lips or around your mouth. Gently apply alcohol with a cotton pad an you should stop the cold sore before it turns into an actual sore. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"STI clinics don't typically test for them, so people who think they have never had any infections are often wrong. "
How reliable are the blood tests ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They’ve never let me down with my parcels yet "
Cant be meaning hermes then. Worst delivery company ever. Wouldnt order something if i knew they were the delivery company |
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I realise I'm late to the party here, but OP if you're still checking in (or anyone else who's just been diagnosed), it gets better. I was distrauht when I was diagnosed years ago, but with time my sex life was better than ever. |
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