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How does it feel....
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knowing someone has lied to you to get sex?
I see a fair amount of people say you should expect them to lie, coz people are cunts (not those EXACT words)
I wanna switch it up a little and not necessarily hear the what, when or why, but how it made you feel.
Maybe if people understood the knock on effect it might encourage them to think twice.
Me personally, I've felt:
Violated
Dirty
Used
Stupid
Afraid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disappointed in them and me "
At the time I feel disappointed in me. But, I always ask and always try and make sure they’re single. I feel a bit ‘fuck I should have known’ but in reality, how would I have known? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"knowing someone has lied to you to get sex?
I see a fair amount of people say you should expect them to lie, coz people are cunts (not those EXACT words)
I wanna switch it up a little and not necessarily hear the what, when or why, but how it made you feel.
Maybe if people understood the knock on effect it might encourage them to think twice.
Me personally, I've felt:
Violated
Dirty
Used
Stupid
Afraid "
Used
Upset
Angry
an idiot
Untrusting
Stupid
Frustrated
Plus many other feelings/emotions. Makes it a lot worse when it’s someone you like a lot and they say they feel the same  |
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"Disappointed in them and me
At the time I feel disappointed in me. But, I always ask and always try and make sure they’re single. I feel a bit ‘fuck I should have known’ but in reality, how would I have known?"
Exactly, but then that can easily lead to not trusting at all.
I can't trust myself to sniff out the accomplished liars, and I can't trust people to tell the truth so.....
May aswell stitch it up and walk away from having a sex life or relationship again.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"knowing someone has lied to you to get sex?
I see a fair amount of people say you should expect them to lie, coz people are cunts (not those EXACT words)
I wanna switch it up a little and not necessarily hear the what, when or why, but how it made you feel.
Maybe if people understood the knock on effect it might encourage them to think twice.
Me personally, I've felt:
Violated
Dirty
Used
Stupid
Afraid "
Oh bless you OP ; big hugs
Just to be clear, there really is no need to lie here , just no need
People (men and women) just need to treat each other how they want others to treat them - it's simple really
Sorry youve been lied to ,just to get sex , can't imagine what it must be like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Disappointed in them and me
At the time I feel disappointed in me. But, I always ask and always try and make sure they’re single. I feel a bit ‘fuck I should have known’ but in reality, how would I have known?
Exactly, but then that can easily lead to not trusting at all.
I can't trust myself to sniff out the accomplished liars, and I can't trust people to tell the truth so.....
May aswell stitch it up and walk away from having a sex life or relationship again.
"
 |
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"Disappointed in them and me
At the time I feel disappointed in me. But, I always ask and always try and make sure they’re single. I feel a bit ‘fuck I should have known’ but in reality, how would I have known?
Exactly, but then that can easily lead to not trusting at all.
I can't trust myself to sniff out the accomplished liars, and I can't trust people to tell the truth so.....
May aswell stitch it up and walk away from having a sex life or relationship again.
"
Ah mate. |
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"knowing someone has lied to you to get sex?
I see a fair amount of people say you should expect them to lie, coz people are cunts (not those EXACT words)
I wanna switch it up a little and not necessarily hear the what, when or why, but how it made you feel.
Maybe if people understood the knock on effect it might encourage them to think twice.
Me personally, I've felt:
Violated
Dirty
Used
Stupid
Afraid
Oh bless you OP ; big hugs
Just to be clear, there really is no need to lie here , just no need
People (men and women) just need to treat each other how they want others to treat them - it's simple really
Sorry youve been lied to ,just to get sex , can't imagine what it must be like "
That's the point of this thread.
So many people just accept that others lie to get what they want.
I think people need to open their eyes and be aware of the consequences of their actions |
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This is brilliant, people do lie for allsorts of reasons.. to get one over on you.. some really do get a kick out of it.. hiding who they really are.. honesty in the best policy dont work for everyone..
Ive been lied to many times for sex.. even used as (if you dont do this you wont get sex) in a “relationship” *wont let me insert the word*
You feel horrible..used..and it does have a knock on effect..the people do it to you have no empathy at all. Unfortunately its us that suffer..
It does make you wonder and i know its unfair to paint people in the same brush. They get caught out in the end..
I just talk and if things dont add up, i walk away.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Used, dirty, very insecure. Makes me question everything I think and feel and my own judgement.
Has caused me to run and hide away from everything and everyone including the ones that I know I can genuinely trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disappointed in them and me
At the time I feel disappointed in me. But, I always ask and always try and make sure they’re single. I feel a bit ‘fuck I should have known’ but in reality, how would I have known?
Exactly, but then that can easily lead to not trusting at all.
I can't trust myself to sniff out the accomplished liars, and I can't trust people to tell the truth so.....
May aswell stitch it up and walk away from having a sex life or relationship again.
"
You won't always feel like this Peachy
Xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like a sex toy. A thing to picked up and used for their enjoyment only. My thoughts and feelings don't matter and don't count.
I hold no value as a human. |
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"Like I'm less of a human, like my hurt doesn't matter, like I don't matter "
You are very human, you do matter more than anything, these feelings are normal. You will get stronger in time, you may not realise it now, but trust me. You will  |
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"Like I'm less of a human, like my hurt doesn't matter, like I don't matter
You are very human, you do matter more than anything, these feelings are normal. You will get stronger in time, you may not realise it now, but trust me. You will "
Absolutely, I don't feel these things right now, but I absolutely have done.
I know I'm fucking awesome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"one from someone else:
Like I'm not valued and a throwaway person because I'm not that great or interesting."
This is what i was going to say.
Its a horrible feeling. |
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"Unfortunately there are many people out there who will just lie to get their own way you just got to be careful"
Right.
Here we go.
This is my damn point.
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
Saying you just need to be careful like we weren't bastatd careful beforehand is really pissing insulting.
Almost like a woman who wears revealing clothing being told she should have worn a jacket and maybe she wouldn't have been assaulted
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are people in this world that lie there are people in this world that I 100-percent straight down the middle and tell the truth. In some ways you can always tell when someone is lying there are signs of it. Now there are good men in this world and there are good women in this world what a small percentage there are some evil so and so's and that's why we got to be careful  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately there are many people out there who will just lie to get their own way you just got to be careful
Right.
Here we go.
This is my damn point.
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
Saying you just need to be careful like we weren't bastatd careful beforehand is really pissing insulting.
Almost like a woman who wears revealing clothing being told she should have worn a jacket and maybe she wouldn't have been assaulted
"
This!!! All the fucking way this!!! We are not responsible for others actions only our own. We can be as careful as possible but none of us are mind readers and it's easy to fall in to another's trap and believe the lies your being fed! Not everything is always black and white. |
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"There are people in this world that lie there are people in this world that I 100-percent straight down the middle and tell the truth. In some ways you can always tell when someone is lying there are signs of it. Now there are good men in this world and there are good women in this world what a small percentage there are some evil so and so's and that's why we got to be careful "
Again, not the initial question I asked.
How have YOU felt when you've been lied to? |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I don't believe i've been lied to by someone before to engage in sex and i've certainly not done this with anyone either. I can understand the bad feelings that might arise from not having the full picture before so as to make the most informed decision possible.
Then again, I suppose it would depend on the actual lie itself as well as the emotional connection to that person as that can have a large or negligible impact depending. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I have been lied to I have felt like s*** I have been suffering with depression because of someone lying to me someone putting me through stuff that I never thought I would ever be in still to this day I am struggling everyday to get my confidence back to try and feel good about myself |
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"Unfortunately there are many people out there who will just lie to get their own way you just got to be careful
Right.
Here we go.
This is my damn point.
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
Saying you just need to be careful like we weren't bastard careful beforehand is really pissing insulting.
"
From another:
Some women have dealt with the wrong man and his lies for so long that when they finally meet the right man, the truth sounds like a lie and sincerity feels like manipulation.
So the ones lying need to realise that create a situation where trust is so broken the genuine people are then penalised. |
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"Unfortunately there are many people out there who will just lie to get their own way you just got to be careful
Right.
Here we go.
This is my damn point.
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
Saying you just need to be careful like we weren't bastard careful beforehand is really pissing insulting.
From another:
Some women have dealt with the wrong man and his lies for so long that when they finally meet the right man, the truth sounds like a lie and sincerity feels like manipulation.
So the ones lying need to realise that create a situation where trust is so broken the genuine people are then penalised."
I have to agree with this completely.
For me (at the now point) it feels like allowing someone into my life would be unfair on them and me.
Unfair on them as I'd not be able to give them my complete trust, unfair on me as it would feel like I was loading my own bullet and handing them the gun |
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"When I have been lied to I have felt like s*** I have been suffering with depression because of someone lying to me someone putting me through stuff that I never thought I would ever be in still to this day I am struggling everyday to get my confidence back to try and feel good about myself"
Exactly, so this thread and your own situation highlights the impact of being lied to. Yet lying gets treated with a blasè approach.
If someone stole your money they'd be doing time but stealing someones pride, confidence, mood, future..... that's fine coz everyone lies.
People need to understand the human cost. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately there are many people out there who will just lie to get their own way you just got to be careful
Right.
Here we go.
This is my damn point.
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
Saying you just need to be careful like we weren't bastard careful beforehand is really pissing insulting.
From another:
Some women have dealt with the wrong man and his lies for so long that when they finally meet the right man, the truth sounds like a lie and sincerity feels like manipulation.
So the ones lying need to realise that create a situation where trust is so broken the genuine people are then penalised."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm trying to get my head around the potential scenario's where someone lying would secure sex?
Ultimately all I can realistically come up with is relationship status, feelings, health status or commitment?
Naturally anyone would be annoyed at being lied to, but if its a casual liaison, let's face it, its slightly superficial and based on immediate attraction and lust, so the deciet would be less impactive?
I think its when emotional attachment is involved that deceit becomes a greater issue. Of course someone whos health status could impact on me would be the greatest concern!! |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I had a terrible experience a few years back that cost me dearly.
Angry
Used
Conned
Stupid
Naive
Shocked
Disappointed in myself
The feeling of letting down the genuine people in my life
Knowing that I don't listen to my own advice
Wondering how I could let myself get suckered by someone with such a selfish and fraudulent mindset
|
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" I'm trying to get my head around the potential scenario's where someone lying would secure sex?
Ultimately all I can realistically come up with is relationship status, feelings, health status or commitment?
Naturally anyone would be annoyed at being lied to, but if its a casual liaison, let's face it, its slightly superficial and based on immediate attraction and lust, so the deciet would be less impactive?
I think its when emotional attachment is involved that deceit becomes a greater issue. Of course someone whos health status could impact on me would be the greatest concern!!"
Even some causal liaisons can take time, effort, thought, planning. Perhaps using a holiday day from work, buying a new outfit. How about a new outfit purely because it was something they said they liked?
An awful lot of thought and consideration can go into a meet, even a casual one and it can make you feel a right mug. |
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"knowing someone has lied to you to get sex?
I see a fair amount of people say you should expect them to lie, coz people are cunts (not those EXACT words)
I wanna switch it up a little and not necessarily hear the what, when or why, but how it made you feel.
Maybe if people understood the knock on effect it might encourage them to think twice.
Me personally, I've felt:
Violated
Dirty
Used
Stupid
Afraid "
Ive never lied to anyone.
What I normaly say is blunt and straight to the point. |
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" I'm trying to get my head around the potential scenario's where someone lying would secure sex?
Ultimately all I can realistically come up with is relationship status, feelings, health status or commitment?
Naturally anyone would be annoyed at being lied to, but if its a casual liaison, let's face it, its slightly superficial and based on immediate attraction and lust, so the deciet would be less impactive?
I think its when emotional attachment is involved that deceit becomes a greater issue. Of course someone whos health status could impact on me would be the greatest concern!!"
There are loads of things.
Smoking being a big one. If someone categorically, unequivocally will not meet smokers and someone pretends not to smoke then as small as it may seem to some it can have a huge impact on another persons wellbeing.
It can make them feel like they weren't thought enough of to be told the truth. That sucks balls.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"knowing someone has lied to you to get sex?
I see a fair amount of people say you should expect them to lie, coz people are cunts (not those EXACT words)
I wanna switch it up a little and not necessarily hear the what, when or why, but how it made you feel.
Maybe if people understood the knock on effect it might encourage them to think twice.
Me personally, I've felt:
Violated
Dirty
Used
Stupid
Afraid
Ive never lied to anyone.
What I normaly say is blunt and straight to the point. "
I think people who claim never to have lied, are telling the truth in their head, but completely unaware of the fact that you will have. Its a human survival trait at its most basic form from what I've seen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I'm trying to get my head around the potential scenario's where someone lying would secure sex?
Ultimately all I can realistically come up with is relationship status, feelings, health status or commitment?
Naturally anyone would be annoyed at being lied to, but if its a casual liaison, let's face it, its slightly superficial and based on immediate attraction and lust, so the deciet would be less impactive?
I think its when emotional attachment is involved that deceit becomes a greater issue. Of course someone whos health status could impact on me would be the greatest concern!!
There are loads of things.
Smoking being a big one. If someone categorically, unequivocally will not meet smokers and someone pretends not to smoke then as small as it may seem to some it can have a huge impact on another persons wellbeing.
It can make them feel like they weren't thought enough of to be told the truth. That sucks balls.
"
Well I'm not suggesting your feelings are wrong, but I think I'd be more bemused than anything with regards to that?
I'd also truly look at the impact it had on me....I can see it bothers yiu, and thats relevant. But is it worth the energy? Only you will carry the negative emotions. Noone else?
I'd worry more about important people in my life potentially lying? |
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If it was a physical act people would feel differently (those who've not been there)
If someone had a hard limit and stated it waaaay beforehand and everyone knew the score of "No anal" the guy agreed to no anal, yet on the meet he shoved his dick up her arse that would be different. That would be classed as assault and most would be calling for his head on the chopping block
If someone states no married/attached men, is assured they're single so meets and has sex, it still makes you feel just as stupid for trusting, just as violated, just as dirty, used, worthless, less of a human, like a toy and all of the other things stated on this thread when they find out they did in fact, have sex with someone outside of their hard limit.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
"
They're probably unlikely to listen, regardless how loud you bang your drum.
You are gonna sap everything from yourself if you are unable to change your mindset a bit and let go of the things you can't control.
And to answer your OP, I cant recall a specific time where I found out someone lied to me just to get sex
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" I'm trying to get my head around the potential scenario's where someone lying would secure sex?
Ultimately all I can realistically come up with is relationship status, feelings, health status or commitment?
Naturally anyone would be annoyed at being lied to, but if its a casual liaison, let's face it, its slightly superficial and based on immediate attraction and lust, so the deciet would be less impactive?
I think its when emotional attachment is involved that deceit becomes a greater issue. Of course someone whos health status could impact on me would be the greatest concern!!
There are loads of things.
Smoking being a big one. If someone categorically, unequivocally will not meet smokers and someone pretends not to smoke then as small as it may seem to some it can have a huge impact on another persons wellbeing.
It can make them feel like they weren't thought enough of to be told the truth. That sucks balls.
Well I'm not suggesting your feelings are wrong, but I think I'd be more bemused than anything with regards to that?
I'd also truly look at the impact it had on me....I can see it bothers yiu, and thats relevant. But is it worth the energy? Only you will carry the negative emotions. Noone else?
I'd worry more about important people in my life potentially lying?"
Listen I'm sound.
I'm highlighting the impact.
If it was just me I'd think yeah, my feeling were over the top, I'm weird, but look.
Look at the common answers here.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think I’ve ever been lied to for sex. Sure, I’ve had someone full of it and where they have told me things/stories that I think are BS, but I thought at the time they were BS and made a conscious decision whether to have sex with them or not.
This thread makes for sad reading. |
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"
If others realised there are REAL consequences then maybe, just fucking maybe they would reconsider.
They're probably unlikely to listen, regardless how loud you bang your drum.
You are gonna sap everything from yourself if you are unable to change your mindset a bit and let go of the things you can't control.
And to answer your OP, I cant recall a specific time where I found out someone lied to me just to get sex
"
They probably won't listen, but I can try.
This isn't about me being scorned or wailing into a tub of Ben n Jerry's, I'm past that.
This thread was simply off the back of another about married men being honest about their status.
A few weeks back I'd not have had the strength to do this thread.
My mindset will never change about wanting people to be fair to each other and not decieve.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"If it was a physical act people would feel differently (those who've not been there)
If someone had a hard limit and stated it waaaay beforehand and everyone knew the score of "No anal" the guy agreed to no anal, yet on the meet he shoved his dick up her arse that would be different. That would be classed as assault and most would be calling for his head on the chopping block
If someone states no married/attached men, is assured they're single so meets and has sex, it still makes you feel just as stupid for trusting, just as violated, just as dirty, used, worthless, less of a human, like a toy and all of the other things stated on this thread when they find out they did in fact, have sex with someone outside of their hard limit.
"
I don't think sexual assault/rape are quite the same as someone lying about being not married when it comes to casual sex. Yes, the latter is shit but with the greatest respect, I don't think they are comparable, certainly not in my case anyway. |
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Sadly there are a lot of people whose selfish drive to obtain something they want far exceeds any moral consideration of others. It could be argued this is the nature of society today often led by the media and disparity of wealth within the social strata but that would be over simplifying things and missing a whole host of other complexities. Of course selfishness is not a recent phenomenon but likely just more noticeable due to our world shrinking.
I can't say that I've ever been lied to by someone to obtain sex and suspect that it is largely the female population on here that find this happening to them the most although not exclusively and so can't say how it makes me feel, what i can say is for all those who lie there is an honest alternative out there and the best method to avoid the liar's is to take time getting to know them before meeting and aim to have a social first. Most lies can be uncovered with clever cross examination. |
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"If it was a physical act people would feel differently (those who've not been there)
If someone had a hard limit and stated it waaaay beforehand and everyone knew the score of "No anal" the guy agreed to no anal, yet on the meet he shoved his dick up her arse that would be different. That would be classed as assault and most would be calling for his head on the chopping block
If someone states no married/attached men, is assured they're single so meets and has sex, it still makes you feel just as stupid for trusting, just as violated, just as dirty, used, worthless, less of a human, like a toy and all of the other things stated on this thread when they find out they did in fact, have sex with someone outside of their hard limit.
I don't think sexual assault/rape are quite the same as someone lying about being not married when it comes to casual sex. Yes, the latter is shit but with the greatest respect, I don't think they are comparable, certainly not in my case anyway."
The act may not be and I agree, yet the consequences to someones mental health, feelings of worth etc seem to be. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
" I don't think sexual assault/rape are quite the same as someone lying about being not married when it comes to casual sex. Yes, the latter is shit but with the greatest respect, I don't think they are comparable, certainly not in my case anyway.
The act may not be and I agree, yet the consequences to someones mental health, feelings of worth etc seem to be."
Appear to be as a result of this thread? Ach. I mean sure, some of the feelings are similar... the detrimental impact it can have on someone's frame of mind? I'm not too sure if they are the same - in terms of intensity or longevity if both examples are within the casual sex remit. Anyway, I'm not meaning to crap all over the thread. I hope those who've experienced and been affected by lies are doing as well as can be now. Having respect for others is important and too often forgotten in selfish pursuits. |
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I think I said elsewhere that my first husband was a compulsive liar. He couldn't tell the truth about anything, not even what he'd eaten for lunch. He therefore married me under false pretences and by default lied to get sex with me. This made me feel (when I finally realised I wasn't mad) that I lived on shifting sand in a world where everything I had was based on falsehood. As a result it couldn't possibly be true when he said he loved me and wanted to be with me, could it. When I look back on it all I laugh it's so ridiculous. I felt very confused before I left him until I gained clarity and realised it wasn't actually me. To say he was shocked when I left is an understatement. When I told my mum I was leaving she said "but he's such a gentleman"  . He wasn't it was all a lie. He now lives under a different name I've heard.
So lying. Don't do it if it's going to hurt someone or to manipulate them into doing something you think they wouldn’t do if you were truthful. It's bad for your soul and theirs.
Mr N is truthful and this sometimes upsets people but if rather be upset by the truth than a lie |
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"If it was a physical act people would feel differently (those who've not been there)
If someone had a hard limit and stated it waaaay beforehand and everyone knew the score of "No anal" the guy agreed to no anal, yet on the meet he shoved his dick up her arse that would be different. That would be classed as assault and most would be calling for his head on the chopping block
If someone states no married/attached men, is assured they're single so meets and has sex, it still makes you feel just as stupid for trusting, just as violated, just as dirty, used, worthless, less of a human, like a toy and all of the other things stated on this thread when they find out they did in fact, have sex with someone outside of their hard limit.
I don't think sexual assault/rape are quite the same as someone lying about being not married when it comes to casual sex. Yes, the latter is shit but with the greatest respect, I don't think they are comparable, certainly not in my case anyway."
If a woman says a hard limit is married guys and that she doesn’t want sex with someone who is cheating and then is lied to I can see how she could feel that It was a violation. Saying NO to sleeping with a married guy and the married guy doing it anyway is not ok and going forward creates lots of trust issues.
Sexual assault/rape isn’t all about being left in a bloody heap. It can be so much less than that but still have a devastating impact.
Mainly though...I feel worthless and just stupid and I get annoyed with myself for falling for their lies on here (and it’s not always about being married, there are lots of lies I’ve been told over the years on here)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was a physical act people would feel differently (those who've not been there)
If someone had a hard limit and stated it waaaay beforehand and everyone knew the score of "No anal" the guy agreed to no anal, yet on the meet he shoved his dick up her arse that would be different. That would be classed as assault and most would be calling for his head on the chopping block
If someone states no married/attached men, is assured they're single so meets and has sex, it still makes you feel just as stupid for trusting, just as violated, just as dirty, used, worthless, less of a human, like a toy and all of the other things stated on this thread when they find out they did in fact, have sex with someone outside of their hard limit.
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Then again in tune with this. I've had a hard limit pushed and mocked, more than once. To some it may seem like nothing especially if they don't understand the reasons behind them but it shouldn't be about having to explain your reasons, putting a limit in place should be just that and it should be respected not questioned. For me, it's a trigger and a really shitty place to be put in by another person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I said elsewhere that my first husband was a compulsive liar. He couldn't tell the truth about anything, not even what he'd eaten for lunch. He therefore married me under false pretences and by default lied to get sex with me. This made me feel (when I finally realised I wasn't mad) that I lived on shifting sand in a world where everything I had was based on falsehood. As a result it couldn't possibly be true when he said he loved me and wanted to be with me, could it. When I look back on it all I laugh it's so ridiculous. I felt very confused before I left him until I gained clarity and realised it wasn't actually me. To say he was shocked when I left is an understatement. When I told my mum I was leaving she said "but he's such a gentleman" . He wasn't it was all a lie. He now lives under a different name I've heard.
So lying. Don't do it if it's going to hurt someone or to manipulate them into doing something you think they wouldn’t do if you were truthful. It's bad for your soul and theirs.
Mr N is truthful and this sometimes upsets people but if rather be upset by the truth than a lie "
Starting to read this thread I had to close it as it brought tears. It doesn’t matter how long ago that lies brought you to feeling worthless, unlovable and completely trashed your self confidence they still lie close to the surface with me and I think the whole Covid situation has made them resurface a lot recently.
Hugs to all those that feel this way |
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