FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Being fab vs being faithful
Being fab vs being faithful
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absolutely not.
When I'm in a relationship I'm committed to them and to the relationship.
If we chose to involve others then I'd be cool with that, but only if that's what we both wanted. Other than that no. I have control and respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it very easy to behave in my relationship as my boyfriend and I openly communicate about our desires and fantasies, and enable each other to turn them in to memories.
Also, when I commit into a relationship I adhere to it. This included being in a very unhappy marriage for 18 years and I did not cheat even though I was offered opportunities to. I ended the marriage and then sought fun.
Her x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just me then  . I try to be faithful best intentions in the world...."
I never understand these threads.
Were you looking for affirmation that cheating is ok, OP?
What responses were you expecting? |
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Being faithful is the easiest thing in the world, if you think not then you're with the wrong person and should let them go, anything else is selfish in my opinion but then so many people are selfish |
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"Just me then . I try to be faithful best intentions in the world...."
You don't tho do ya?
Or maybe if you're incapable of controlling your urges you should stay single. Be fairer on you coz you can do as you please, and fairer on them because being cheated on fucks you up so badly it can ruin your future.
Look at me and look at mine. I'm put off having another relationship because of being screwed over twice. You think your girlfriends deserve that? It's not just about the act of cheating, it's about the impact it can have on the rest of someone's life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"absolutely not.
When I'm in a relationship I'm committed to them and to the relationship.
If we chose to involve others then I'd be cool with that, but only if that's what we both wanted. Other than that no. I have control and respect."
This  |
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"Just me then . I try to be faithful best intentions in the world....
You don't tho do ya?
Or maybe if you're incapable of controlling your urges you should stay single. Be fairer on you coz you can do as you please, and fairer on them because being cheated on fucks you up so badly it can ruin your future.
Look at me and look at mine. I'm put off having another relationship because of being screwed over twice. You think your girlfriends deserve that? It's not just about the act of cheating, it's about the impact it can have on the rest of someone's life. "
I hope you gave them a solid kick in the nuts, guys like that ruin some really great gals(opposite also true) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are all pretty naughty obviously...anyone else find it hard to behave in a relationship?  "
If I ever get into a relationship, I'll let you know. Though the odds of knowing two people at the same time who both want to fuck me are as near as makes no difference zero. |
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"Dunno what to tell ya. I got all the love in the world to give. Same time I'm a fuck up. Anyone who gets involved with me probably knows that"
Nothing to tell really, you're using being a fuck up as an excuse to be selfish.
I'm a fuck up and guess what? Only person I fuck over is myself.
Wasted opportunities because I can't trust.
Self preservation is what it is, and that's because of behaviour like yours and worse.
Now give your head a wobble and work out WHY you think it's acceptable to behave that way, or why you won't listen to the angel on your shoulder telling you it's a bad idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are all pretty naughty obviously...anyone else find it hard to behave in a relationship? "
I'm not sure what you want to hear - but few people are going to justify cheating for you.
The ones that cheat are normally quiet about it - its all part of the lie.
Do your girlfriend a favour and let her go.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes in my teens and 20s I cheated on girlfriends. And so did a fair few of them cheat on me as well.
If I met someone now then no I wouldn't cheat. But then I'm not looking to just fall into relationships like I did in my 20s or just to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. |
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The problem with being cheated on, is you’re not just treated badly by someone who you have utter trust in, but afterwards it’s all the time and effort you put in to the relationship, that is time lost. You don’t get that back.
Then if you have Children together, they also lose out.
So to answer your question Op, I find it very easy to stay faithful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes in my teens and 20s I cheated on girlfriends. And so did a fair few of them cheat on me as well.
If I met someone now then no I wouldn't cheat. But then I'm not looking to just fall into relationships like I did in my 20s or just to be with someone for the sake of being with someone."
This minus the cheating in my 20s. I've always considered myself lucky to be with 1 woman at a time, plus being cheated on is not a nice feeling so I've never done it on anyone else  |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone..."
I'm not sure what you mean.
You can love people by being their friend, by doing the right thing.
If you're mate was cheated on by his partner what would you say to him? What would you say about the way he was treated?
Be a friend to your girlfriend. Let her go.
Or... you could communicate with her and give her the truth and therefore the choice.
Maybe she would even want to swing who knows. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
Then you are poly, otherwise its lust!  "
I was thinking poly, but poly takes huge amounts of trust and respect same as any other relationship, which it seems is lacking here. |
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"We are all pretty naughty obviously...anyone else find it hard to behave in a relationship? "
I go into a relationship very openly saying that I do not want monogamy. I don't want to be unfaithful, so I don't. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
Then you are poly, otherwise its lust!
I was thinking poly, but poly takes huge amounts of trust and respect same as any other relationship, which it seems is lacking here."
I'm not sure it takes more trust or respect than swinging. However, I would say it takes more time and communication. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are we talking about the desire to stray or acting on it?
I’ve always been faithful in relationships that have been conventional, but the desire to have sex with someone else and stray has been there. Just not acted upon |
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone..."
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.  |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat. "
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice. |
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"Not really lol. Just trying to figure out how it is to find everything u want in one person..."
Don’t think you will you just have to grow up and accept that humans are flawed and no one is perfect. Sweet shop mentality and being on a swingers site won’t help you. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat. "
Getting hit by a car isn't a choice unless you purposely step out in front of the fucker.
Inserting your cock into an orifice is. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat. "
Haha stupidest thing I’ve read today .... of course it’s a choice. |
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice. "
Sometimes it doesn't feel like a choice. I cave in too easily, even when I promised myself not too. I'm not trying to explain or justify it. I hate cupid sooo much. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice.
Sometimes it doesn't feel like a choice. I cave in too easily, even when I promised myself not too. I'm not trying to explain or justify it. I hate cupid sooo much. "
Be very clear. It’s a choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice. "
Unless it's a mental health issue where you have a manic episode with an overwhelming compulsion to have sex - hypersexuality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don’t find it difficult. When I’m in a relationship as such even with a exclusive fwb I follow the rules. If I want to fuck someone else I talk to him about it and decide if it’s something that can happen or not. I don’t need to cheat and won’t cheat |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice.
Sometimes it doesn't feel like a choice. I cave in too easily, even when I promised myself not too. I'm not trying to explain or justify it. I hate cupid sooo much. "
There, you said it, YOU cave in too easily. You don't accidentally fall and land in a fanny.
Have you tried counselling to uncover why you lack self control? |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Getting hit by a car isn't a choice unless you purposely step out in front of the fucker.
Inserting your cock into an orifice is."
What if you fall on said orifice say when putting up a curtain rail? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice.
Unless it's a mental health issue where you have a manic episode with an overwhelming compulsion to have sex - hypersexuality."
Even that is incredibly unlikely. I think people fall back on to that as a justification from the fact they just don't want to be monogamous. If you don't want to be, don't. That's fair enough. At least have enough respect for your partner to honestly tell them what you're not monogamous and you'd prefer an open relationship. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat. "
Puurrrlleeaassee, it’s not a choice? Everything we do is a choice, you choose to be unfaithful, you don’t need to put people through that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dunno what to tell ya. I got all the love in the world to give. Same time I'm a fuck up. Anyone who gets involved with me probably knows that
Nothing to tell really, you're using being a fuck up as an excuse to be selfish.
I'm a fuck up and guess what? Only person I fuck over is myself.
Wasted opportunities because I can't trust.
Self preservation is what it is, and that's because of behaviour like yours and worse.
Now give your head a wobble and work out WHY you think it's acceptable to behave that way, or why you won't listen to the angel on your shoulder telling you it's a bad idea."
well said |
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice.
Unless it's a mental health issue where you have a manic episode with an overwhelming compulsion to have sex - hypersexuality."
Been to docs, take a pill a day for a sort of related thing, it doesn't put a dint in my sex drive tho. |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Getting hit by a car isn't a choice unless you purposely step out in front of the fucker.
Inserting your cock into an orifice is.
What if you fall on said orifice say when putting up a curtain rail?"
2 nekkid mofos doing DIY. Recipe for disaster right there |
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice.
Unless it's a mental health issue where you have a manic episode with an overwhelming compulsion to have sex - hypersexuality."
Which I also know a fair bit about. Even that doesn’t stop someone being upfront and open. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if you can bring love to others without hurting anyone...
I hear you buddy! I'm single now but always cheat in relationships. It's not a choice. It's cost me people who I love, hundreds of thousands of pounds, a decent business and untold tears. Would I still cheat in a relationship? Yes.
Hence I live alone with my cat.
Cheating isn’t a choice?!?! How do you work that out? Of course it’s a choice.
Unless it's a mental health issue where you have a manic episode with an overwhelming compulsion to have sex - hypersexuality.
Even that is incredibly unlikely. I think people fall back on to that as a justification from the fact they just don't want to be monogamous. If you don't want to be, don't. That's fair enough. At least have enough respect for your partner to honestly tell them what you're not monogamous and you'd prefer an open relationship. "
But on a swingers/sex site the likelyhood of it increases.
Having experienced this it is akin to an addiction where your whole body and mind is screaming for sex. An overwhelming compulsion.
I wasn't in any form of relationship at the time but if I had been it would've ended up destroying it.
Some people may use it as an excuse but others may not recognise it. |
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"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up.  "
Honesty is the best policy, it could be argued honesty in past relationships would be nice but we humans take time to mature and grow, hopefully people judge you for who you are now and not past mistakes. I'm a firm believer we should always be re-evaluating. |
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Tbh op it’s pretty simple. If you’re in a relationship and unfaithful - and genuinely feel bad about it - ‘fess up! She can either chuck you or - if it intrigues her - start swinging with you.
An ex swinging friend of mine was seeing a married guy. He considered leaving her for my friend - but instead confessed to his wife. They now swing together. Sometimes it works - sometimes you get a kick in the nuts!
If she chucks you - and you can’t do monogamy - consider a swinging relationship if you don’t want to be single.
Good luck |
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"We are all pretty naughty obviously...anyone else find it hard to behave in a relationship? "
Nope. The last relationship I had I was faithful within the rules of our relationship. In fact he said he was happy for me to meet others but I didn't. Shame the action wasn't mutual. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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each relationship ive got into ive come off here straight away.
trust is easily broken and its hard to explain to a women what you are doing on a swinging site when your dating her.
so unless you swing as a coupe i dont see a need to be here when in a relationship. |
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"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up. "
Yeah, and as much as you've spoken flippantly about it you've also said you're single because you are aware of your compulsions and are honest about it now.
Do I respect your previous actions? Of course not.
Do I respect you taking responsibility now and not putting other people through heartbreak? Yes.
I do think you talk about it with complete lack of empathy tho, and that turns my tummy and is incredibly saddening
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up.
Yeah, and as much as you've spoken flippantly about it you've also said you're single because you are aware of your compulsions and are honest about it now.
Do I respect your previous actions? Of course not.
Do I respect you taking responsibility now and not putting other people through heartbreak? Yes.
I do think you talk about it with complete lack of empathy tho, and that turns my tummy and is incredibly saddening
"
Don't be sad bout it As I said, I'm a nice guy(apart from that). |
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"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up.
Yeah, and as much as you've spoken flippantly about it you've also said you're single because you are aware of your compulsions and are honest about it now.
Do I respect your previous actions? Of course not.
Do I respect you taking responsibility now and not putting other people through heartbreak? Yes.
I do think you talk about it with complete lack of empathy tho, and that turns my tummy and is incredibly saddening
Don't be sad bout it As I said, I'm a nice guy(apart from that). "
I'm not sad for you. I'm sad for the people that got hurt because of you.
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13 year together and better than we've ever been so the answer to you question is a from us if you can't be faithful in a relationship or it's a struggle to be faithful the you probably best not being in one. Why hurt someone and put them in that position when you don't have to? |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
The thing is that cheating is deception, non monogamy is the opposite and being on here whilst deceiving your partner is very shitty behaviour.
There are people who do it and there's always a personal justification for it. To my mind, claiming that "I have too much love" or "I'm just a fuck up", isn't even a justification.
There is a way to share partners and to have multiple loves but that takes effort, trust and communication, it takes work. Cheating just requires being a crappy person, so it's obvious why people do it |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up.
Yeah, and as much as you've spoken flippantly about it you've also said you're single because you are aware of your compulsions and are honest about it now.
Do I respect your previous actions? Of course not.
Do I respect you taking responsibility now and not putting other people through heartbreak? Yes.
I do think you talk about it with complete lack of empathy tho, and that turns my tummy and is incredibly saddening
Don't be sad bout it As I said, I'm a nice guy(apart from that). "
Apparently Stalin was a lovely bloke... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want to be faithful to one person either, so I don't pretend to anyone I am. Seems like the simplest/kindest/most obvious solution to your 'dilema' to me. |
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I have never cheated. I have felt constrained by relationships and have felt relieved when they ended, and I've made a decision to step away from monogamy.
I wouldn't want to cheat - it doesn't sit well with my core values and I think I'd find it tough to respect myself if I did. |
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up.
Yeah, and as much as you've spoken flippantly about it you've also said you're single because you are aware of your compulsions and are honest about it now.
Do I respect your previous actions? Of course not.
Do I respect you taking responsibility now and not putting other people through heartbreak? Yes.
I do think you talk about it with complete lack of empathy tho, and that turns my tummy and is incredibly saddening
Don't be sad bout it As I said, I'm a nice guy(apart from that).
Apparently Stalin was a lovely bloke... "
Freakin stalin! That's a bit harsh! He locked people up in ghoolags.
Actually, come to think of it, yeah
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are all pretty naughty obviously...anyone else find it hard to behave in a relationship? "
Relationship. No. What's that?
Faithfull, Marianne great musician. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just try to be open and honest about it now. I know it infuriates normal people. Other than that, I'm a nice guy. I wonder how many block lists I appear on by opening up.
Yeah, and as much as you've spoken flippantly about it you've also said you're single because you are aware of your compulsions and are honest about it now.
Do I respect your previous actions? Of course not.
Do I respect you taking responsibility now and not putting other people through heartbreak? Yes.
I do think you talk about it with complete lack of empathy tho, and that turns my tummy and is incredibly saddening
Don't be sad bout it As I said, I'm a nice guy(apart from that).
Apparently Stalin was a lovely bloke...
Freakin stalin! That's a bit harsh! He locked people up in ghoolags.
Actually, come to think of it, yeah
"
I know this isn't the point but have you ever seen pictures of Stalin when he was young? My god, he was like a Calvin Klein model! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope. Every relationship has a different dynamic but they all have boundaries. I’ve never once been tempted to break those boundaries. If I did, I would like to think I had the minerals to own up and say what I’m thinking |
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No, it's not difficult for me at all, I don't do cheating. Fab is about including your partner if in agreement , but it amazes me how many are on fab behind their partners back. Its just not on in my opinion |
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