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Feeling needy so.....
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After catching the feels for yet another wrong person (not from here.... Well he was for a little but not how we met) and being told he isn't ready for anything and needs to focus on his work/life balance I'm starting to spiral down in to the 'I'll never find anyone' pit of despair.
So.... The needy bit. What's wrong with me?
I know people who jump from relationship to relationship with no problem but all I get is messed about and hurt. Attached or married guys who just use me until someone better comes along who they fall in love with so drop me. Like the fucking Foster girlfriend/mistress.
Maybe turning 40 has put a magnifying glass on things but I just feel so alone and lonely. I feel its consuming me.
I get told I'm funny and awesome and chilled (really not lol) and great etc so why then does no one want that?
What do guys actually want because I can be they great and engaging girlfriend and the slurry kinky sex goddesses.
Sorry for the downer post on a Saturday night  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear this Evie.
Try not to think that it’s you. Unfortunately the way people seem to be lately is that they treat others as disposable.
Have some R&R and recovery time, he wasn’t the right one for you but don’t give up he’s out there somewhere  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After catching the feels for yet another wrong person (not from here.... Well he was for a little but not how we met) and being told he isn't ready for anything and needs to focus on his work/life balance I'm starting to spiral down in to the 'I'll never find anyone' pit of despair.
So.... The needy bit. What's wrong with me?
I know people who jump from relationship to relationship with no problem but all I get is messed about and hurt. Attached or married guys who just use me until someone better comes along who they fall in love with so drop me. Like the fucking Foster girlfriend/mistress.
Maybe turning 40 has put a magnifying glass on things but I just feel so alone and lonely. I feel its consuming me.
I get told I'm funny and awesome and chilled (really not lol) and great etc so why then does no one want that?
What do guys actually want because I can be they great and engaging girlfriend and the slurry kinky sex goddesses.
Sorry for the downer post on a Saturday night "
Oh lovely, sending love to you
Not sure if guys know what they want to be fair, but I can relate to a certain level |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you falling for them or over investing too soon before you know them properly?
I’m not saying it’s the case as I don’t know you, but it’s easy to get swept away.
It doesn’t matter what they say, actions are much more important.
I’m only saying this from experience of friends going though similar, they were getting attached before they really knew the person. I’m a bit of an ice queen so never have to worry about catching the feels! |
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Thanks both. The really silly thing is we only met a couple of times and nothing has been said other than it being casual but he just made me feel special and I haven't had that in a while.
I think he got the feels as well as he said he didn't think he could get emotionally involved with anyone right now and I hadn't mentioned anything about my feelings at the time.
It just all sucks. I'm going to apply for the undateables. |
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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
"After catching the feels for yet another wrong person (not from here.... Well he was for a little but not how we met) and being told he isn't ready for anything and needs to focus on his work/life balance I'm starting to spiral down in to the 'I'll never find anyone' pit of despair.
So.... The needy bit. What's wrong with me?
I know people who jump from relationship to relationship with no problem but all I get is messed about and hurt. Attached or married guys who just use me until someone better comes along who they fall in love with so drop me. Like the fucking Foster girlfriend/mistress.
Maybe turning 40 has put a magnifying glass on things but I just feel so alone and lonely. I feel its consuming me.
I get told I'm funny and awesome and chilled (really not lol) and great etc so why then does no one want that?
What do guys actually want because I can be they great and engaging girlfriend and the slurry kinky sex goddesses.
Sorry for the downer post on a Saturday night "
Hey, it has absolutely nothing to do with you in any shape or form and everything to do with him. From what you say he sounds like he hasn't got a clue of what he wants or how to go about finding it. And as cheesy as I'm probably about to sound you will more than likely find someone when you stop looking for them as you begin to enjoy everything at face value and enjoy just living in the moment xxT |
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"Are you falling for them or over investing too soon before you know them properly?
I’m not saying it’s the case as I don’t know you, but it’s easy to get swept away.
It doesn’t matter what they say, actions are much more important.
I’m only saying this from experience of friends going though similar, they were getting attached before they really knew the person. I’m a bit of an ice queen so never have to worry about catching the feels!"
Possibly. Maybe I'm too ready for something more so I read things wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As A man, I can tell you what we want.
It's different for everyman, but ultimately the vast majority of people are the same, they want to be loved and to love someone.
My advice is don't be so hard on yourself. Take a break and then when you feel ready shag the guy with the biggest cock you can find. No seriously, take a break and just keep yourself open to things, love springs up in the unlikeliest of places.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"don't invest so much of yourself so quickly
We have been chatting for almost a year even though we only met in person recently. "
Oh thats a shame. Will you carry on talking even though the meeting didnt quite work out, it could be a slow burner x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"don't invest so much of yourself so quickly
We have been chatting for almost a year even though we only met in person recently. "
That's the danger of keeping building it up online for so long...quite often it doesn't translate to reality |
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The needy bit? There is probably nothing wrong with you.
You haven’t met the right guy.
Is Fab the right place for finding the right guy? Nope.
Giving away men’s secrets (sorry lads) they will probably tell you anything to get in bed with you ruthless but true.
You will find your lobster but in the right place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interestingly you say they use you and then move on... Would you agree you're entertaining this behaviour? We typically repeat patterns such as attracting the wrong people until we take responsibility and address our own behaviour in these situations |
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I don’t think you’re unusual; the truth is that lots of people find it difficult to get into a good relationship.
I’ve no idea if it’s something you’re doing wrong or maybe your expectations but perhaps talk it over with someone who knows you well? It’s something you can change, so don’t worry.
And good luck in the future, a bloke would be lucky to know you |
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"don't invest so much of yourself so quickly
We have been chatting for almost a year even though we only met in person recently.
Oh thats a shame. Will you carry on talking even though the meeting didnt quite work out, it could be a slow burner x"
So this is another thing. The meetings were great. Really great. We got on, we enjoyed each other. I think maybe he got scared by that. He says he still wants to chat but I'm not going to push it. Give him some soace and see what happens. |
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"The needy bit? There is probably nothing wrong with you.
You haven’t met the right guy.
Is Fab the right place for finding the right guy? Nope.
Giving away men’s secrets (sorry lads) they will probably tell you anything to get in bed with you ruthless but true.
You will find your lobster but in the right place. "
We didn't meet on here, we met on a dating site then found out we both had profiles on here. |
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"Interestingly you say they use you and then move on... Would you agree you're entertaining this behaviour? We typically repeat patterns such as attracting the wrong people until we take responsibility and address our own behaviour in these situations"
Possibly. Maybe I try to be so chill about situations I give them permission to treat me like shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"don't invest so much of yourself so quickly
We have been chatting for almost a year even though we only met in person recently.
Oh thats a shame. Will you carry on talking even though the meeting didnt quite work out, it could be a slow burner x
So this is another thing. The meetings were great. Really great. We got on, we enjoyed each other. I think maybe he got scared by that. He says he still wants to chat but I'm not going to push it. Give him some soace and see what happens. "
Could be he will just need more time, keep chatting if he will too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d agree with the other posters- most men will say what they think you want to hear to get you into bed. You only have to pay attention to the many messages sent on here by men claiming that particular woman is amazing and beautiful and whatever else. Like I said earlier, it’s actions and not words.
You also say it keeps happening- which means you must be enabling the behaviour. It does not mean it’s your fault, many women (and men too) do it without realising. |
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"The needy bit? There is probably nothing wrong with you.
You haven’t met the right guy.
Is Fab the right place for finding the right guy? Nope.
Giving away men’s secrets (sorry lads) they will probably tell you anything to get in bed with you ruthless but true.
You will find your lobster but in the right place.
We didn't meet on here, we met on a dating site then found out we both had profiles on here. "
My point still stands. Take it all with a pinch of salt. All the smoke blowing etc.
I find knowing someone from real life sets you up better. |
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"don't invest so much of yourself so quickly
We have been chatting for almost a year even though we only met in person recently.
Oh thats a shame. Will you carry on talking even though the meeting didnt quite work out, it could be a slow burner x
So this is another thing. The meetings were great. Really great. We got on, we enjoyed each other. I think maybe he got scared by that. He says he still wants to chat but I'm not going to push it. Give him some soace and see what happens. "
Scared by things going great? I would question anyone who peddles out that line.
Why would good things push people away? |
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I don’t think it’s remotely needy to expect others to listen to what you want and need and be honest in return. The problem is humans are flawed..some will have ulterior motives, some will be too weak to be as honest as you’d like. It’s all about finding your match and that’s tough when you have life experience and an expectation of what you want in another human.
Don’t ever put yourself down for not accepting other people’s issues. Chin up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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keep your walls a little higher next time you meet someone
and you know the red flags we often see but ignore or pass off as it doesn't matter this once and make excuses for them, don't!!
The red flags are what should make us stop and think ..... is this right for me, is this what I want, is it giving what I'm looking for
Put yourself and your emotional needs first, if they dont meet your standards move on until someone's does
Don't settle for anything less than what is right for you x
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"don't invest so much of yourself so quickly
We have been chatting for almost a year even though we only met in person recently.
Oh thats a shame. Will you carry on talking even though the meeting didnt quite work out, it could be a slow burner x
So this is another thing. The meetings were great. Really great. We got on, we enjoyed each other. I think maybe he got scared by that. He says he still wants to chat but I'm not going to push it. Give him some soace and see what happens.
Scared by things going great? I would question anyone who peddles out that line.
Why would good things push people away? "
Because of other things in their life. Their family, their work, distance, past experiences etc.
I do get what you are saying and it's always in the back of my head for sure. |
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I may come across as harsh on here sometimes and people don’t know how to take me.
But real recognises real. I have been there as the one telling lies and the one lied to.
Don’t put up with bull shit and lame excuses.
When you know you are into someone you are all in.
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"I may come across as harsh on here sometimes and people don’t know how to take me.
But real recognises real. I have been there as the one telling lies and the one lied to.
Don’t put up with bull shit and lame excuses.
When you know you are into someone you are all in.
"
I don't think you are harsh. I appreciate your input. |
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