FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Trust issues.
Trust issues.
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
I'd say if anyone has made it to fab with our being aware that people go behind their partners' backs, they're either very naive or very lucky or both.
I'm too quick to trust and it means I get hurt by supposed friends and lovers often. But fab hasn't stopped that and probably won't. I just won't allow my heart to get involved any more. |
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"Yeah I does make you think , it seems that’s it’s mostly guys who are cheating, I don’t support cheating I prefer to not break up a bad or long term relationship "
It's mostly men who mention it. Women just do it. |
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I'm not surprised by the cheating what saddens me and would make me wary of getting involved with any body new is the number of men who are prepared to show pictures of their partner, give her private number to strangers or tell strangers where she's going to be in an attempt to get her to "cheat". I'm not aware of women doing this but if they do it's just as bad. |
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"I'm not surprised by the cheating what saddens me and would make me wary of getting involved with any body new is the number of men who are prepared to show pictures of their partner, give her private number to strangers or tell strangers where she's going to be in an attempt to get her to "cheat". I'm not aware of women doing this but if they do it's just as bad."
That hadn't even occurred to me, but now you have mentioned it   |
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"I'm not surprised by the cheating what saddens me and would make me wary of getting involved with any body new is the number of men who are prepared to show pictures of their partner, give her private number to strangers or tell strangers where she's going to be in an attempt to get her to "cheat". I'm not aware of women doing this but if they do it's just as bad.
That hadn't even occurred to me, but now you have mentioned it "
I think a site like this will bring out the worst in people in this respect and it can make you a bit cynical. I know that most men are decent and trustworthy but I don't think I'd ever trust another person the same way I trust my partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not surprised by the cheating what saddens me and would make me wary of getting involved with any body new is the number of men who are prepared to show pictures of their partner, give her private number to strangers or tell strangers where she's going to be in an attempt to get her to "cheat". I'm not aware of women doing this but if they do it's just as bad."
I had a colleague at my place of work a few years ago, ask me if I had any friends that would be willing to essentially honey trap her partner on a night out  I told her I wouldn't get involved with those kind of games. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging has been a part of my life for 13 years, however always as a single woman until I met J. We met through fab almost 5 years ago now.
My last relationship ended about 4 years prior to meeting him and he cheated...a lot.
I trust J completely. Not sure that's because we swing, rather than that he's just a good guy.
I never used the dating apps so I can't speak on them personally.
Lu  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
There are certainly times that Fab has played to my insecurities but I don't think it's related to how other people that I don't know behave.
If anything, with those I have got to know well, it's actually strengthened my levels of trust because time and again my insecurities have been shown to be unfounded.
Which I know is a slightly different spin on what you were asking OP but has a relevance I think - to answer your actual question though the way others behave certainly has surprised me, but not about the level of cheating that goes on, always knew the site would be a conduit for that - more about the lack of respect and consideration that is shown by some, and apparently just because it's a sex site. |
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle?
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere. "
Yes they do, but you know there are also lots of genuine nice people out there as well |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle?
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere. "
Absolutely this. I have developed trust issues and in a way I understand them because they protect me now.
They stop me trusting and therefore stop me getting hurt.
I'm not sure if I was given the choice to to let them go easily that I would take it.
It would be a difficult decision to contemplate.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do struggle with trust issues because of my past, but if nothing else I think Fab makes it easier as we are more open to talk about things we want rather than going behind each other's back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle?
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere. "
Yes they do. Fortunately there's lots of good people out there too. Whilst arseholes have a habit of making themselves known, good folks are a little harder to spot. Keep trusting in kindness. Keep an open heart. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
On here I am wary of everyone, I have had people try and cover up that they are married/in relationships. So it's v rare I meet nowadays (before covid)
I trust my partner 100% so I don't worry about him, he tells me who he chats to and vice versa
If I became single again, I reckon I'd stay that way tbh |
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"On here I am wary of everyone, I have had people try and cover up that they are married/in relationships. So it's v rare I meet nowadays (before covid)
I trust my partner 100% so I don't worry about him, he tells me who he chats to and vice versa
If I became single again, I reckon I'd stay that way tbh "
I'm inclined to think I'd remain single too but I hope to goodness I never find out |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I’ve trust issues from first hand experience of this sort of thing. Being on here has exacerbated that somewhat.
But everyone has the capacity to cheat, but there ARE those that choose not to. Even when the opportunity is offered on a plate. And it’s that flickering flame that keeps me hopeful, rather than completely distrustful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not surprised by the cheating what saddens me and would make me wary of getting involved with any body new is the number of men who are prepared to show pictures of their partner, give her private number to strangers or tell strangers where she's going to be in an attempt to get her to "cheat". I'm not aware of women doing this but if they do it's just as bad.
That hadn't even occurred to me, but now you have mentioned it
I think a site like this will bring out the worst in people in this respect and it can make you a bit cynical. I know that most men are decent and trustworthy but I don't think I'd ever trust another person the same way I trust my partner. "
What forum mod says but without the partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not the physical cheating that bothers me on fab, it's the bitching, gossiping and backstabbing - shows the worst side of humans....."
Yup, adult humans as well, some forget it is real people with real feelings on the other side x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not the physical cheating that bothers me on fab, it's the bitching, gossiping and backstabbing - shows the worst side of humans.....
Yup, adult humans as well, some forget it is real people with real feelings on the other side x"
Aren’t there kik groups of people from the forums that bitch, gossip and backstab people from Fab? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont expect people to tell me things straight away, as I dont share that easily but I do like to know bare bones and all with someone I might meet regulary, and in this sense I dont know if I have been lucky or not, but when I feel capabale of trusting, I seem to get that trust back in return. Even when it is not easy listening, I think people do want to share and talk. It has opened my eyes to lots here but hasnt made me trust any less, I just try and dig a little deeper if things maybe aren't adding up, but have generally found people relieved to talk even if its to say they are married etc, when I share my own messy life with them. I expect their honesty and do think I get it. Admittedly I havnt spoken to or met masses on here and dont think my system would be infallible. I still believe in the good of people, even when they are hurting  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My trust was broken before Fab courtesy of my ex but unfortunately from the bad experiences on Fab and other dating sites haven't really helped in learning to trust men again. |
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"It's not the physical cheating that bothers me on fab, it's the bitching, gossiping and backstabbing - shows the worst side of humans.....
Yup, adult humans as well, some forget it is real people with real feelings on the other side x
Aren’t there kik groups of people from the forums that bitch, gossip and backstab people from Fab?"
I don't know if any but then I wouldn't. I have been around Internet fora since the days of "handbag" and bitching and gossip about other users has always gone on. Its like a big office environment and the off site and private gossip is the equivalent of those little huddles you see by the water cooler. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My trust was broken before Fab courtesy of my ex but unfortunately from the bad experiences on Fab and other dating sites haven't really helped in learning to trust men again. "
I am like you on your thinking. Someone breaks my trust its hard to regain it. For me most of my trust has been shot down. Here, there and everywhere even work colleagues and bosses.
Sometimes I don't even trust my cooking. I've made plant based Kale chips and my tongue has ulcers. Not making them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ive never cheated.
had it done to me and didnt like it one bit.
if unhappy i cannot see why you cannot tell the other person you want out. got to be better than them hearing it from friends or catching you out |
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It depends who much you divulge about your personal life to those you think can be trusted with that information. By nature this is a snake pit of gossip!
If you don’t want people to know DON’T TELL THEM!  |
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The bottom line is you really don’t know people as well as you thought you did, even here where you can be as open honest as you like people still try to pull a sneaky one on you, I’m not sure how you shield yourself from that to be honest   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends who much you divulge about your personal life to those you think can be trusted with that information. By nature this is a snake pit of gossip!
If you don’t want people to know DON’T TELL THEM! "
think diamond has it right here.
even those you are meeting/playing with do not need to know your life story.
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Life has taught me to be careful of trusting people however after being on fab and then seeing guys from fab stating on their dating site profile they are looking for a relationship when in fact they are looking for NSA sex it has made me wary of who I chat to on dating sites and at times I probably put people off as I am clear on dating sites I’m looking for a relationship. I am not looking for a serious relationship but a monogamous one however seems to be hard to find  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest if you have trust issues and looking for a relationship and on fab..well your in the wrong place, Why the hell you would want to come on here if your cheating behind your partners back is beyond me, there so many people that are not true to them selfs, trust is a big part on this site and I’m afraid it takes time to trust someone on here, it’s hard don’t get me wrong but we are all on here for the same thing.. |
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It's certainly opened my eyes as to how flippantly people treat trust.
I always thought it was a precious gift, apparently it's a worthless entity.
That doesn't go for all of course, but yes, I've been put off relationships now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Each time my trust is broken I trust a little bit less, become wary, share less, give less, and whilst I may still maintain contact with those who break my trust, then once done, I find it hard to be as open as I may otherwise have been.
Yet trust like all in life has to be worked on or worked for, by all, trust only lives in that place where relationships of whatever form exist between two or more people. Fab or "ordinary life" isn't that always the case?
Yet on fab there is so much transience, temporary infatuation, relationships often built on sand, and so many ways to hide our true selves if we want to. One person maybe wanting more than another, people who may come and go.
What trust is their in such transience?
Break anothers trust and you break a part of them. If whats broken can be fixed, just how do we fix it?
Trust its about actions not words, consistency not just fleeting moments, loyalty and the honouring of another by honouring ourselves too....or maybe im just an incurable romantic
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
My personal opinion is: Some people are the cheating kind, others are not. Those who are, will seek opportunities and find a way one way or another.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
no all men are like that..
Same as not all women are the same..
It takes a first step to trust if they disappoint you just move on... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not surprised by the cheating what saddens me and would make me wary of getting involved with any body new is the number of men who are prepared to show pictures of their partner, give her private number to strangers or tell strangers where she's going to be in an attempt to get her to "cheat". I'm not aware of women doing this but if they do it's just as bad."
Wow, you know some very odd people! |
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? no all men are like that..
Same as not all women are the same..
It takes a first step to trust if they disappoint you just move on... "
Thing is, there's only so many times you can have your trust broken or witness the trust of others get broken. It chips away at you, at your soul, and you lose hope. That's ridiculous tho don't ya think? Losing hope in trust, care and compassion....things that *should* be an everyday part of life, things that *should* come naturally. And they would if people weren't shitty to on another, but over the years we learn by experience that there are few individuals who live by those standards and values. |
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"I try not to hold people to impossibly high standards. I've cheated and been cheated on. I understand lots of people need more than a single lover. It's no big deal anymore "
No big deal?
And there you have in 4 sentences why I'll remain a single pringle til the end of time.
Loyalty, trust and respect mean fuck all
Impossibly high standards to some (you) are basic standards to me.
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"I try not to hold people to impossibly high standards. I've cheated and been cheated on. I understand lots of people need more than a single lover. It's no big deal anymore
No big deal?
And there you have in 4 sentences why I'll remain a single pringle til the end of time.
Loyalty, trust and respect mean fuck all
Impossibly high standards to some (you) are basic standards to me.
"
Oops, I suppose my last comment was a bit nonchalant. Please don't allow me to ruin your faith in humanity. I'm a nice guy, I only cheat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I try not to hold people to impossibly high standards. I've cheated and been cheated on. I understand lots of people need more than a single lover. It's no big deal anymore "
If expecting someone you are meant to be in a committed, loving relationship with to be honest and faithful is impossibly high standards then im sorry but you should stay single or be honest with the person you are with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
There's no way I would date anyone off this site!
I don't even know what trust means anymore. |
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"I try not to hold people to impossibly high standards. I've cheated and been cheated on. I understand lots of people need more than a single lover. It's no big deal anymore
If expecting someone you are meant to be in a committed, loving relationship with to be honest and faithful is impossibly high standards then im sorry but you should stay single or be honest with the person you are with. "
I totally agree. I've been single since my last divorce. I tell people up front now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere. "
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again. |
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere.
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again."
Yep, it’s so much easier to meet a few nice blokes now and again than end up investing in someone who turns out to be a sneaky twat and not the person you thought they were, it’s like a bit of self preservation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere.
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again.
Yep, it’s so much easier to meet a few nice blokes now and again than end up investing in someone who turns out to be a sneaky twat and not the person you thought they were, it’s like a bit of self preservation "
It really is self preservation.
And not in a negative way.
Living with someone no longer appeals to me - for many reasons - not just the trust issues.
I just want the sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There’s one person in this world I trust 100%.
Me. "
I don't trust me. I say to myself no I won't ever cheat again. It's not worth it and it's awful. Never neverrrrr!!!!
30 seconds later my mouth is full of chocolate orange again. |
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"There’s one person in this world I trust 100%.
Me.
I don't trust me. I say to myself no I won't ever cheat again. It's not worth it and it's awful. Never neverrrrr!!!!
30 seconds later my mouth is full of chocolate orange again. "
That’s why I never diet, I just let myself down. |
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere.
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again.
Yep, it’s so much easier to meet a few nice blokes now and again than end up investing in someone who turns out to be a sneaky twat and not the person you thought they were, it’s like a bit of self preservation
It really is self preservation.
And not in a negative way.
Living with someone no longer appeals to me - for many reasons - not just the trust issues.
I just want the sex "
I don’t want to get married or live with someone but would like to meet someone to go on dates with, holidays and have great sex. I suppose after being in a marriage I hated I would just like to have a partner I like for a change than a husband I despised for years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don’t want to get married or live with someone but would like to meet someone to go on dates with, holidays and have great sex. I suppose after being in a marriage I hated I would just like to have a partner I like for a change than a husband I despised for years "
Preach  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere.
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again."
I said that but then I have had it happen again since, the last time was the final straw. I will never have another traditional relationship again either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere.
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again.
Yep, it’s so much easier to meet a few nice blokes now and again than end up investing in someone who turns out to be a sneaky twat and not the person you thought they were, it’s like a bit of self preservation "
This! It really is self preservation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's not the things I've seen on Fab or the lifestyle, it's the way I've been treated in general that stops me trusting anymore. Arseholes exist everywhere.
It's the same for me.
I'm not allowing anyone to have the power to make me feel like utter shit again.
Wanting monogamy is idealistic in my opinion.
I doubt I'll ever have a traditional relationship again.
Yep, it’s so much easier to meet a few nice blokes now and again than end up investing in someone who turns out to be a sneaky twat and not the person you thought they were, it’s like a bit of self preservation
It really is self preservation.
And not in a negative way.
Living with someone no longer appeals to me - for many reasons - not just the trust issues.
I just want the sex
I don’t want to get married or live with someone but would like to meet someone to go on dates with, holidays and have great sex. I suppose after being in a marriage I hated I would just like to have a partner I like for a change than a husband I despised for years "
Sums up exactly what I’d prefer too |
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
Not at all - no. I can take or leave monogamy. If I fall in love with a guy who says he wants monogamy when I’ve given him the option of a non monogamous relationship then I’ll assume he can be trusted not to have sex with others. If he betrays that trust I’ll bite his cock off during oral - and you’ll all get to read about it in the news!  |
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"I'm not going to message you for a meet. I just know, my cock would be living on borrowed time "
James - it trust that you wouldn’t cheat if you were offered the golden ticket (ie the freedom to fuck others - but without lying about it) anyway - so I’m sure your willy would be safe! |
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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago
ribble valley |
"I'm not going to message you for a meet. I just know, my cock would be living on borrowed time
James - it trust that you wouldn’t cheat if you were offered the golden ticket (ie the freedom to fuck others - but without lying about it) anyway - so I’m sure your willy would be safe! "
I can't afford another divorce, so I'm upfront about what I am. Until I find a lady who accepts me for who I am, I'm staying single. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After being single and aware of sites like fab, seeing people going behind partners backs, do you think it may make you less trusting in relationships outside the lifestyle? "
This site is about raw unadulterated lust! within the realms of respect and dignity |
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