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Poking a hornets nest
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By *icearms OP Man
over a year ago
KIDLINGTON |
So I've been contacted today out of the blue by someone I fell for in a pretty big way. She cut all contact with me and moved on pretty quick afterwards.
It took me some time to get over her and get back on the merry go round again.
When the text came through I had that similar flutter in my stomach that I used to get, as well as that nervousness of not wanting to open the message. She wants to start contact again and meet up, but I'm really not sure what to do. I burried that hurt and moved on.
I'm really in a state of flux and it's driving me crazy this evening and making me feel so down.
Any advice greatfully received.  |
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I'm in exactly the the same boat myself, and it's driving me insane.
I KNOW I need to cut all contact with this girl but just can't seem to get up the course to sever ties completely.
However, it's always easier to advise others so do I say and not as I'm doing - ignore her and move on. She's clearly not getting any other attention and has decided to give you another go for now, hut will probably drop you like a hot potato again when someone else comes along.
Sorry to be so blunt, but don't put yourself what I'm putting myself through |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a reason behind it, maybe someone's done to them what they did to you. Now they're looking for comfort and reassurance, where they know they can find it. |
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Do everything in your own time and pace, if you do anything at all. You don't need to respond or even consider her, just because she has chosen this point to make contact with you.
Put the thoughts aside for a while and see how you view what you want in context, away from the knee jerk moment and emotional rwaction. |
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"Yeah you all talk sense.. it's spooked me today and opened up a whole load of feelings again. "
People always make mistakes and always deserve a second chance. But your body has answered your question for you. Had you felt elated and delighted and look forward to a conversation.... The answer would be take it steady but go again. But your post says your body has reacted with nerves anxiety and trepidation. You've answered your own question. Just don't go there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Block and move on, been there, done it.
It's easy for the initial butterflys and excitement to cloud judgement.
I got hurt again, fell for her twice and both times she ripped me apart.
Only time I'll ever make that mistake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably found herself single and going through all her exes to see who might give her attention until she finds someone better to move onto again
If you reply keep your wall/standards high x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you already know that there is a high probability you could get hurt again.
You can never go back, its never the same.
Dont make someone your priority, if you are just an option for them x |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
You deserve to be the romantic lead in your own life story. Not the fall back guy.
Block her and find yourself a leading lady who adds joy to your life and not anxiety.
Life is way too short to be someone’s emotional crutch when they had you once and let you go without so much as a backwards glance.
You deserve better. You can do better. |
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While I agree with all of the above points, I know I’d be tempted to give her a chance to talk.
Admittedly you might end up regretting it, but maybe you won’t.
And in any case, you could get involved with someone completely new and still end up hurt again. |
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"While I agree with all of the above points, I know I’d be tempted to give her a chance to talk.
Admittedly you might end up regretting it, but maybe you won’t.
And in any case, you could get involved with someone completely new and still end up hurt again. "
It's fair to say someone new could hurt you. But thats an unknown chance compared to the 100% certainty you have already experienced. When someone shits on you going back to find if it would happen again is at best your own little zero sum game.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's easy to advice to stay away or not respond but let's be honest our hearts don't always work like that.
Our feelings aren't always logical.
I've spent two years allowing the same man to break my heart repeatedly. I have to accept some blame for it as I allowed him to do it. My heart wanted to hold on and to believe.
I guess the real question is, if you don't find out, will the wondering what if hurt you just as much? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's easy to advice to stay away or not respond but let's be honest our hearts don't always work like that.
Our feelings aren't always logical.
I've spent two years allowing the same man to break my heart repeatedly. I have to accept some blame for it as I allowed him to do it. My heart wanted to hold on and to believe.
I guess the real question is, if you don't find out, will the wondering what if hurt you just as much?"
Yup
People treat us badly because we let them
Been there
Too many times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only you know OP! Always look at her motivation though and address anything that went wrong last time before giving her any second chances.... ....good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I'd ignore, block, move on and try to push her out of your mind again. If it took that long to get over it the first time while she seemingly had no problems then what's to say she wouldn't do the same thing again? Nobody needs that in their life, and there are plenty more people in the world for you OP  |
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By *icearms OP Man
over a year ago
KIDLINGTON |
Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing.  |
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If you would like to get back with her.. Message her back. Say Hello. invite her for a meal ,find out what’s she’s after. Give her the opportunity to explain .. Make it clear that your not going to Jump into another relationship With her and if she wishes it then she must make that commitment to you.
If you’ve moved on .. tell her .. if you wish to remain friends .. that’s good too. |
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"Do everything in your own time and pace, if you do anything at all. You don't need to respond or even consider her, just because she has chosen this point to make contact with you.
Put the thoughts aside for a while and see how you view what you want in context, away from the knee jerk moment and emotional rwaction. "
 |
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I think that some people are like us and don't look back once something is over and others are always willing to give a second chance. I think it's probably difficult for either type of person to change their outlook. |
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
Sounds like you did the right thing mate. Didn’t say anything horrible,she now knows how you feel/felt so should understand why you’ve blocked |
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
Yes. It really is. Glad you went that way. More power to your elbow. |
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
Positive step hard to do but well done for doing it |
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
Emotions... Well done fella. Open the windows, let the fresh air in, put on a favourite bit of music that makes you smile... And play it loud. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
I think you have you have done the right thing.
I know it probably hurts but I think that was your only option. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
So she's on here? Will she this thread with people slagging her off? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing. "
I am certain you made a wise choice. I know it probably doesn't feel good now, but you will get over it a lot sooner than you think.She deserves no considertion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing.
So she's on here? Will she this thread with people slagging her off?"
Don't think anyone has really slagged her off. Just advised the OP not to try and rekindle things.If she reads and takes offence, tough s**t. |
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing.
So she's on here? Will she this thread with people slagging her off?"
Where does it say shes on here? You can block people on other platforms. Dont think anyone has been slagging her off either. Knowing the OP hr wouldn't start a thread like this if the contact was made on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all for the posts.. after a sleepless night and lots of pondering I've taken the decision to block and move on.
I did send a message with my feelings before hand and explaining how it hurt me last time.
Feeling pretty crappy at the moment but I know it's the right thing.
So she's on here? Will she this thread with people slagging her off?
Where does it say shes on here? You can block people on other platforms. Dont think anyone has been slagging her off either. Knowing the OP hr wouldn't start a thread like this if the contact was made on here."
Fair enough. It was just a question.  |
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