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What do you do when...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry in advance but this will be one of those ranty posts because this is about the only place I can talk about this...
So, what do you do when you find out your ex says he was only with you because you lent him money but still went on to be with you for 4.5 years and have a child with you?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Cut off his... contact with you!
You dont need people like that in your life."
I already have. I have a restraining order against him. This was post contact with our daughter today, he ranted at my Mum and then expects me to let him have more contact.  |
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He's lashing out, I'm presuming you left? And he's throwing his dummy out of the pram. You have a kid try not to get into slanging match if you can help it for their sake. Though from my own experience it's hard as, don't take it personally he's trying to hurt you. Best thing you can do is ignore him, it'll take away his power x |
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The bloke sounds like an oxegen thief !
Tell him to do one and crack on with your life and have fun with someone who's worth your time
If he owes you money still look at it as an investment in your new fun filled life
Ray |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I would not give the 'statement' a second thought, it was said to cause pain and you should not allow it too. People say the cruellest of things and the best reaction is to let it float by. You win then  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He's lashing out, I'm presuming you left? And he's throwing his dummy out of the pram. You have a kid try not to get into slanging match if you can help it for their sake. Though from my own experience it's hard as, don't take it personally he's trying to hurt you. Best thing you can do is ignore him, it'll take away his power x"
Yes, I left. He's mind boggling... Last November he said to my Mum I was the best thing to happen to him and now I'm nothing but a cash cow... |
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"He's lashing out, I'm presuming you left? And he's throwing his dummy out of the pram. You have a kid try not to get into slanging match if you can help it for their sake. Though from my own experience it's hard as, don't take it personally he's trying to hurt you. Best thing you can do is ignore him, it'll take away his power x
Yes, I left. He's mind boggling... Last November he said to my Mum I was the best thing to happen to him and now I'm nothing but a cash cow... "
He's trying to control your emotions even though you're not together any more, try not to give him the privilege x |
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Ignore him whether what he said is true or not. It’s designed to hurt you. You have done all the right things.
So it’s probably his way of trying to have a bit of control.
Kill him with success and indifference |
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"Cut off his... contact with you!
You dont need people like that in your life.
I already have. I have a restraining order against him. This was post contact with our daughter today, he ranted at my Mum and then expects me to let him have more contact. "
He sounds like a nasty piece of work, saying horrible things about you to you mum (and possibly in front of your daughter) knowing she would tell you what he's said.
I know its difficult but try not to take it personally, some people take pleasure in hurting others with words, as they can cause more damage than physical violence.
If you don't already have a solicitor, get one, buy a diary and write down what he has said & done, It will be useful if it goes to court for custody/residency, or if you need to involve the Police. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Cut off his... contact with you!
You dont need people like that in your life.
I already have. I have a restraining order against him. This was post contact with our daughter today, he ranted at my Mum and then expects me to let him have more contact.
He sounds like a nasty piece of work, saying horrible things about you to you mum (and possibly in front of your daughter) knowing she would tell you what he's said.
I know its difficult but try not to take it personally, some people take pleasure in hurting others with words, as they can cause more damage than physical violence.
If you don't already have a solicitor, get one, buy a diary and write down what he has said & done, It will be useful if it goes to court for custody/residency, or if you need to involve the Police."
I already have residency and he was granted supervised visits only by family court because of his extensive history of domestic abuse charges and he's deemed an alcoholic.
As for the Police... They've been a waste of time. |
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"Sorry in advance but this will be one of those ranty posts because this is about the only place I can talk about this...
So, what do you do when you find out your ex says he was only with you because you lent him money but still went on to be with you for 4.5 years and have a child with you? "
Don't take any notice. He's trying to find ways that will hurt the most. I don't get it with ex's. All that time and they become abusive eventually. I had the same with my ex. Married 18, together 21, known her over 30 years.
During a row near the end she said, "I wish I'd never met you, but now I have, I wish you were dead." Wasn't enough that she wanted a new life with her someone else, she wanted me not to have one. Hell with them. The more you stay independent, the more you'll show them how wrong they were.
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"Cut off his... contact with you!
You dont need people like that in your life.
I already have. I have a restraining order against him. This was post contact with our daughter today, he ranted at my Mum and then expects me to let him have more contact.
He sounds like a nasty piece of work, saying horrible things about you to you mum (and possibly in front of your daughter) knowing she would tell you what he's said.
I know its difficult but try not to take it personally, some people take pleasure in hurting others with words, as they can cause more damage than physical violence.
If you don't already have a solicitor, get one, buy a diary and write down what he has said & done, It will be useful if it goes to court for custody/residency, or if you need to involve the Police.
I already have residency and he was granted supervised visits only by family court because of his extensive history of domestic abuse charges and he's deemed an alcoholic.
As for the Police... They've been a waste of time. "
You've done everything right, keep doing what your doing, don't let him upset you any more, concentrate on yours and your daughters happiness & future He'll get bored of being an ass towards you eventually. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry in advance but this will be one of those ranty posts because this is about the only place I can talk about this...
So, what do you do when you find out your ex says he was only with you because you lent him money but still went on to be with you for 4.5 years and have a child with you?
Don't take any notice. He's trying to find ways that will hurt the most. I don't get it with ex's. All that time and they become abusive eventually. I had the same with my ex. Married 18, together 21, known her over 30 years.
During a row near the end she said, "I wish I'd never met you, but now I have, I wish you were dead." Wasn't enough that she wanted a new life with her someone else, she wanted me not to have one. Hell with them. The more you stay independent, the more you'll show them how wrong they were.
"
Sadly he was abusive throughout the relationship too...
Sorry to hear what you've been through. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op I can 1000% feel ur pain and not quite shour my self what to do
As I pritty much been in ur shoes 5 years with someone completely worshipped the ground she walked on
To be tossed to the side like I was nothing and afterwards got told I ment nothing to her and only reason she was with me was for my bank account
10 years later and it still brakes my hart
So op I really do understand ur pain xxx |
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"Sorry in advance but this will be one of those ranty posts because this is about the only place I can talk about this...
So, what do you do when you find out your ex says he was only with you because you lent him money but still went on to be with you for 4.5 years and have a child with you? "
why people have to be so unkind to eachother sorry you're with an idiot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know I'll sound cold, but take ZERO notice and go about your day as you would have before he said it. Meant in the nicest possible way but his thread won't help either, it'll make you dwell more on the arsehole because ppl will reinforce what bellend he is.... ....his bullshit isn't worthy of your time!
Much love  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry in advance but this will be one of those ranty posts because this is about the only place I can talk about this...
So, what do you do when you find out your ex says he was only with you because you lent him money but still went on to be with you for 4.5 years and have a child with you? "
Great tips on this thread. He will veer between compliments and insults. He needs control over you but he lost you. Rant to your mates or on here but never show him that he's hurting you. Just smile.
Hope this helps too.
www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/196343 |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"I know I'll sound cold, but take ZERO notice and go about your day as you would have before he said it. Meant in the nicest possible way but his thread won't help either, it'll make you dwell more on the arsehole because ppl will reinforce what bellend he is.... ....his bullshit isn't worthy of your time!
Much love "
I agree with Nippy. Let his comments wash off you like you’ve just been through a car wash and had the hot wax treatment and the rain water just glides right off (the rain water being his comments).
He said them things to hurt you. Don’t give him that power. Head high and onwards. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know I'll sound cold, but take ZERO notice and go about your day as you would have before he said it. Meant in the nicest possible way but his thread won't help either, it'll make you dwell more on the arsehole because ppl will reinforce what bellend he is.... ....his bullshit isn't worthy of your time!
Much love
I agree with Nippy. Let his comments wash off you like you’ve just been through a car wash and had the hot wax treatment and the rain water just glides right off (the rain water being his comments).
He said them things to hurt you. Don’t give him that power. Head high and onwards."
Oddly for me sometimes getting it out and talking to other people and them confirming my ex is nuts actually helps me.
Thank you everyone. 3 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know I'll sound cold, but take ZERO notice and go about your day as you would have before he said it. Meant in the nicest possible way but his thread won't help either, it'll make you dwell more on the arsehole because ppl will reinforce what bellend he is.... ....his bullshit isn't worthy of your time!
Much love
I agree with Nippy. Let his comments wash off you like you’ve just been through a car wash and had the hot wax treatment and the rain water just glides right off (the rain water being his comments).
He said them things to hurt you. Don’t give him that power. Head high and onwards."
Oddly for me sometimes getting it out and talking to other people and them confirming my ex is nuts actually helps me.
Thank you everyone. |
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