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Pay half or be selfish
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I always pay half on meets, half the hotel cost, pay for my own travel expenses, offer to pay half of food etc as I think that is the right thing to do. But I am laying here this morning thinking how lovely it would be to just be whisked away on a weekend break and be spoiled rotten - a leave your purse at home treat, every thing taken care of. Just once as I think it would feel a bit odd 
Would you allow yourself to be spoiled? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm normally a pay half gal but I have a new friend who likes to whisk away a lot and it's not realistic I can afford that. He's fine paying but it feels a bit awkward. The reverse would be we wouldn't do half of the things he wants to do. I could never be a kept woman. |
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Not a chance, im a little old fashioned in some ways and as far as im concerned if im not at least paying my own way then im not going or doing it.
I really struggle with others wanting to pay for me. |
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"I always pay half on meets, half the hotel cost, pay for my own travel expenses, offer to pay half of food etc as I think that is the right thing to do. But I am laying here this morning thinking how lovely it would be to just be whisked away on a weekend break and be spoiled rotten - a leave your purse at home treat, every thing taken care of. Just once as I think it would feel a bit odd
Would you allow yourself to be spoiled? "
No, not on fab. It would be nice but unfair. I always pay half. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would allow a regular partner but only if it was a event like for my birthday otherwise I would pay half or I would pay for the hotel and him pay for dinner or if he pays this time I’ll pay next. I quite Like the he pay for dinner I’ll pay for drinks thing after as it makes me feel like I’m being spoilt but then I get to pay my way too |
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It’s not the cost but the thought. I’ve had coffee bought for me and it was really kind.
If you’re both comfortable with it, it’s good.
However I’m open for being whisked away on an expensive holiday too  |
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I allways insist on getting drink or coffee then let him get next one have had some who will not let me pay half for meals! But dont want them to think I owe them something in return but they are just being manly x |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
I was brought up in a very “macho”, paternalistic society... where a woman has to be spoiled and treated all the time (I know, I know, makes my eyes roll too).
My FWB and I alternate covering the hotel costs. I feel a bit awkward about it- sometimes even not happy. But reasoning it, if I went away for a weekend with a vanilla friend I would cover my own expenses so this is no different...
Dunno. Still feels awkward, though I know it’s fair. 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd guess if I were to invite a man to dinner or whatever then I would pay and vice versa.
I find the whole splitting the bill thing a bit uncomfortable. Different of going away then finances can be dealt with beforehand but thought of sitting at a table divvying up the bill, each insisting etc etc.
Not for me. |
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I'd struggle to have a woman pay for me tbh
Yes buy me a drink in the hotel that's cool but otherwise I'd rather offer to pay.
However I understand that some guys might think they've paid and expect more so some women might prefer to pay half
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"On first meets id probably always cover cost, its the gent in me..."
I feel unsettled when it's suggested paying for a lady is gentlemanly
I'm an advocate of good manners and equality to all
Obviously however of course it's a pleasure to surprise treat a special friend but I do that for my platonic Male friends and longer term lady friends
Just un easy when suggested all women should be treated as they are women and men should |
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I'm a 50/50 person. I think out dated traditions where the guy pays for everything are exactly that, out dated, fair enough back when women didn't work but not now.
However if you're in long term thing, whether that be a an actual relationship or fwb then yeah I like to treat someone, take them away, buy them stuff. But I view it as a treat, not, "I'm going to pay for everything little lady, you just stand there and look pretty". |
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"I'd struggle to have a woman pay for me tbh
Yes buy me a drink in the hotel that's cool but otherwise I'd rather offer to pay.
However I understand that some guys might think they've paid and expect more so some women might prefer to pay half
"
It it were you and I Sam I'd definitely pay for you..whisk you away and spoil you  |
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"I'd struggle to have a woman pay for me tbh
Yes buy me a drink in the hotel that's cool but otherwise I'd rather offer to pay.
However I understand that some guys might think they've paid and expect more so some women might prefer to pay half
It it were you and I Sam I'd definitely pay for you..whisk you away and spoil you "
We need to negotiate the payment part Anabelle.
We'll discuss it when you're over my knee being spanked and with my fingers in you |
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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago
Wellington |
It works both ways, always happy to pay half... But I have also met men who have insisted on paying for everything.... Feels weird for me but I also enjoy the treat...
However I have also been known to pay the full cost for me and a guy...if he has been skint.
Most times it's half and half, I always suggest it... |
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For me in Fab terms, I'm pretty mixed depending on who I'm playing with. Not seeing my regular playmate as he's bubbled up with someone else for the duration, but as he hosts, I normally try to contribute in terms of treats and toys, even stuff like cat food occasionally! I have a post-pandemic meet planned where the 2 gentlemen concerned are treating me (paying for the hotel) as I'm the reward and I've cheerfully bought drinks and food or paid for hotel rooms for less flush playmates.
However, should a tall, handsome, wealthy man want to whisk me away for a weekend of debauchery, I'd be fine with that. Less so if it was a sexy, wealthy woman- so I'm clearly sexist |
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"On first meets id probably always cover cost, its the gent in me...
I feel unsettled when it's suggested paying for a lady is gentlemanly
I'm an advocate of good manners and equality to all
Obviously however of course it's a pleasure to surprise treat a special friend but I do that for my platonic Male friends and longer term lady friends
Just un easy when suggested all women should be treated as they are women and men should "
Agreed |
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In an ideal world we split things down the middle - but real world finances don’t work like that.
I have friends who earn far more than me - so they treat me from time to time.
I also have friends who have less than I do - so I treat them!
To me, that’s how the world works, but people are of course entitled to disagree.
Splitting a bill down the middle when one party may earn 100k pa and the other earns 20k pa (just an example) isn’t what I’d describe as fair!
But op - in answer to your question - the being whisked away for the weekend scenario would have to be with someone I know well anyway! |
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"Half or take turns! Blimey I’m not much of a feminist and I do like a gentleman but we’re not living in the 60s!
Treats are nice but work both ways. "
Sounds fair to take turns, you pay for the first holiday |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Half or take turns! Blimey I’m not much of a feminist and I do like a gentleman but we’re not living in the 60s!
Treats are nice but work both ways.
Sounds fair to take turns, you pay for the first holiday "
. Butlins it is then |
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"Half or take turns! Blimey I’m not much of a feminist and I do like a gentleman but we’re not living in the 60s!
Treats are nice but work both ways. "
Same here.
I'd feel uncomfortable with one party always paying.
It would feel transactional to me.
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I don't insist on divvying up the bills so we pay exactly half each, but we both pay for different parts of a weekend - one pays for travel and parking and the other for the hotel, I pay for the meal one evening he pays the next etc. Treats come in the form of gifts for birthdays/occasions, or just because |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
In terms of Fab meets have always paid half and agreed in advance, in an NSA scenario anything else wouldn't seem right or fair. Usually works that we split the hotel cost, and anything else we take turns or split as we go along.
Think a lot of it comes down to communication and expectation though - if someone *expected* me to pay for everything or even *expected* me to accept being paid for then it would be a red flag.
Can understand the notion of wanting to be spoiled every now and then though RJ and nothing to feel guilty about in that, guess if another time it's you doing the spoiling then it all works out the same anyway. |
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I often buy my friends coffee and they will often buy mine. Mr N and I have a joint account that we both pay in to and the bills come out of that otherwise we don't keep note of who pays for what.
It's different with people I don't know well. I'd like to say "it's only money" but it's the power that money has that's significant for me. It can be used in so many ways and very often the person who has more money feels they're entitled to more than the person with less and more *from* the person with less. Being paid for then becomes loaded with meaning that goes far beyond the simple act of treating someone. That's why I'd always want to pay my way. Sadly many men take that as an affront |
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By *elloWoman
over a year ago
alpha centauri |
First meet I would have to at least pay half that way the other person doesn't have the opportunity to think that because they've paid for drinks/meal that they've also bought me too, unfortunately there are alot of guys like that in the world, luckily not all blokes are.
After the first meet then I like to split the costs like me paying for the hotel room and they pay for dinner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pay for the lot sometime I can go a bit crazy dont need some woman spending her full pay cheques on a meal sins I descended to take her to a fancy posh 5 star restaurant lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always split. Its 2020 now not tge 1950s
Or if a couple pays for a hotel i offer to pay next time
There are ways of doing it in a tactful non account like way |
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Not with a new meet no. If it's someone I'd built up a rapport with and it's what they wanted to do... sure.
It's the uneasy feeling of "owing" that I don't like.
Fair is fair, should all be adults here, pay your share  |
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Ive never thought of paying in full leaves a woman feeling 'owned' I just naturally pay full as its the way ive been raised and and privileged enough to be able to afford it.
I dont expect a woman to feel the need she is indebted to me just because I pay for things, im also not one for flashing the cash about and feel that if the woman wants to buy a drink for us both because that's all she can afford at the time then I wont make things awkward and will accept that drink with the meaning its intended to be.... a drink and nothing more.
I think if a meet was to happen then maybe if the woman feels strongly about paying half to make her feel more at ease, it should be spoke of before said meet as some guys (myself included) will naturally just pick up the bill in the same way as if taking the kids out for a meal |
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"Love all the splits but just say one time you meet someone and they took you to a regstunt and say a bugger was £600 are we splitting a £2k bill lol "
I communicate beforehand and never do expensive things with people I don't know well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love all the splits but just say one time you meet someone and they took you to a regstunt and say a bugger was £600 are we splitting a £2k bill lol
I communicate beforehand and never do expensive things with people I don't know well"
This too yes, I couldnt agree to spending that much. Im thinking more of a night in a tent and a bag of fish and chips. Im cheap to spoil  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I let someone pay for everything I would feel I owed him something in return. "
same mentality as me, plus id feel like if things were going wrong it was his room and id end up leaving.
i always pay for the room so its lawfully mine should their be a dispute or awkwardness |
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"Love all the splits but just say one time you meet someone and they took you to a regstunt and say a bugger was £600 are we splitting a £2k bill lol
I communicate beforehand and never do expensive things with people I don't know well
This too yes, I couldnt agree to spending that much. Im thinking more of a night in a tent and a bag of fish and chips. Im cheap to spoil "
I also choose cheap things if I think they might try to pay. Water. No I'm not thirsty. I'll nurse it. I already ate. |
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By *elloWoman
over a year ago
alpha centauri |
"Ive never thought of paying in full leaves a woman feeling 'owned' I just naturally pay full as its the way ive been raised and and privileged enough to be able to afford it.
I dont expect a woman to feel the need she is indebted to me just because I pay for things, im also not one for flashing the cash about and feel that if the woman wants to buy a drink for us both because that's all she can afford at the time then I wont make things awkward and will accept that drink with the meaning its intended to be.... a drink and nothing more.
I think if a meet was to happen then maybe if the woman feels strongly about paying half to make her feel more at ease, it should be spoke of before said meet as some guys (myself included) will naturally just pick up the bill in the same way as if taking the kids out for a meal "
.
That last sentence maybe didn't come across as you meant it, because women aren't kids they are adults financially capable of paying for things themselves  |
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"Ive never thought of paying in full leaves a woman feeling 'owned' I just naturally pay full as its the way ive been raised and and privileged enough to be able to afford it.
I dont expect a woman to feel the need she is indebted to me just because I pay for things, im also not one for flashing the cash about and feel that if the woman wants to buy a drink for us both because that's all she can afford at the time then I wont make things awkward and will accept that drink with the meaning its intended to be.... a drink and nothing more.
I think if a meet was to happen then maybe if the woman feels strongly about paying half to make her feel more at ease, it should be spoke of before said meet as some guys (myself included) will naturally just pick up the bill in the same way as if taking the kids out for a meal
.
That last sentence maybe didn't come across as you meant it, because women aren't kids they are adults financially capable of paying for things themselves "
Yeah.
And... Some guys really kick off if you try to pay. They're really offended.
There's always a balancing act, it's challenging.
I order as cheaply as I can manage if I can't find a way to communicate. |
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"I always pay half on meets, half the hotel cost, pay for my own travel expenses, offer to pay half of food etc as I think that is the right thing to do. But I am laying here this morning thinking how lovely it would be to just be whisked away on a weekend break and be spoiled rotten - a leave your purse at home treat, every thing taken care of. Just once as I think it would feel a bit odd
Would you allow yourself to be spoiled? "
I’d allow it. But then I’d have to even it out and spoil them back at some point!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love all the splits but just say one time you meet someone and they took you to a regstunt and say a bugger was £600 are we splitting a £2k bill lol
I communicate beforehand and never do expensive things with people I don't know well
This too yes, I couldnt agree to spending that much. Im thinking more of a night in a tent and a bag of fish and chips. Im cheap to spoil
I also choose cheap things if I think they might try to pay. Water. No I'm not thirsty. I'll nurse it. I already ate."
Lol ooo well looks like I probably stay single then most off my life ha ha lol and that’s fine by me ha ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was meeting then I would pay half on whatever we drink and do. I wouldn't go half on a hotel though as I can't afford it. So, you would have to be happy with paying for the room. If I had the money it wouldn't be an issue to help you cover the cost. |
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"If I let someone pay for everything I would feel I owed him something in return.
same mentality as me, plus id feel like if things were going wrong it was his room and id end up leaving.
i always pay for the room so its lawfully mine should their be a dispute or awkwardness "
This a guy wanted to pay for a room for us both, to meet up in Manchester. I would book in and get changed he would come up to the room later. I felt that he then ‘owned’ me for the night, also nowhere to go if the evening didn’t actually turn out well.
The minute I suggested I’d get my own room and come to his, he went cold and it never happened. As I thought he had me down as being trapped in some way in his room, so would have to end up doing whatever he wanted.
Nope I don’t mind being bought dinner or a coffee, but that doesn’t mean I will have to submit to the guy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless it's a partner or someone I have known a while, see regularly and take it in turns, then I pay my share, not doing so freaks me out a bit tbh. Just a drink takes alot of convincing and I will always buy one in return |
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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago
stockport |
I’m too generous with friends. I’m always like oh don’t be daft I’ll pay or I’ll pick you up. It’s just my nature.
Looking back at ex friends I see how tight they are and never put their hand in their pocket.
My fella always pays for meals and things but I’ll pay for other things.
It probably works out quite fairly. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
As with most things the key here is upfront communication - just as I always ask about boundaries beforehand, I also discuss costs of meeting, and in a round about way affordability - there are ways of discussing it without it having to feel awkward - I also always offer to let the lady concerned book the room so it's in their name or to book it in their name for them if they'd prefer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting thread. Despite being an advocate of gender equality in all things, I'd still insist on paying.
It appears I still live in the 1950s. I can't remember the last time a lady paid for anything, other than a round of drinks with me. Men are mired in the expected norms of society.
In an effort to break free, I need your help Fab people. Take me out and pay please. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a gentleman I expect to treat any lady on any date I took them out for.
It is always lovely when a women offers to contribute and if she insists then I’m happy for her to pay her way but I wouldn’t expect her too.
I’m sure many will see this as chauvinistic...
If you do, we’re incompatible. |
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When meeting at hotels, I always pay, because half the year I am unable to accommodate. This is always done under the proviso that the hotel room belongs to the person I am meeting with. As this tends to be in Exeter, and I can get back to my house from there quite easily, I make it clear that there is no pressure, I do not have a drink until I have been told that I will invited to their room, this leaves them free to make a choice, if things went pear-shaped after that, I would get a taxi.
As for paying for food or drinks, I genuinely drive people mad because I just don’t let people pay (friends, lovers, men or women), me mum told me always to give and yes, this causes huge problems, it’s not for everyone. I support the feminist movement, this has nothing to do with gender, it’s to do with the way I was brought up and the challenging financial conditions we had “when you can, you should, because one day you might not be able” is the phrase often used in my house. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The age of chivalry is dead and the feminists are the ones to blame sadly.
"
Fucking feminists with their liberal ideas of gender equality. Damn them all... |
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"The age of chivalry is dead and the feminists are the ones to blame sadly.
Fucking feminists with their liberal ideas of gender equality. Damn them all... "
And sex outside marriage for pleasure rather than just babies.
Who'd want that? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"As a gentleman I expect to treat any lady on any date I took them out for.
It is always lovely when a women offers to contribute and if she insists then I’m happy for her to pay her way but I wouldn’t expect her too.
I’m sure many will see this as chauvinistic...
If you do, we’re incompatible."
I don't think that's chauvinistic at all - the key word in all of that is "expect" - ultimately it has nothing to do with feminism or chauvinism and everything to do with communication and compromise - yes it's nice to be able to "treat" others, regardless of their gender and yes chivalry does have a part in modern society but it doesn't all have to come down to who pays either - especially not in an NSA environment where let's face it both people are their for the same reason, mutual pleasure - so if the cost of that mutual pleasure is shared then that's not a bad thing.
As I said though it ultimately comes down to communication and compromise to find an agreeable solution for both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And sex outside marriage for pleasure rather than just babies.
Who'd want that?"
Ffs it will be abortion rights and unkempt pubic hair next. Where will this hell end... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a gentleman I expect to treat any lady on any date I took them out for.
It is always lovely when a women offers to contribute and if she insists then I’m happy for her to pay her way but I wouldn’t expect her too.
I’m sure many will see this as chauvinistic...
If you do, we’re incompatible."
I don’t think it’s chauvinistic at all Sam. I like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a gentleman I expect to treat any lady on any date I took them out for.
It is always lovely when a women offers to contribute and if she insists then I’m happy for her to pay her way but I wouldn’t expect her too.
I’m sure many will see this as chauvinistic...
If you do, we’re incompatible.
I don't think that's chauvinistic at all - the key word in all of that is "expect" - ultimately it has nothing to do with feminism or chauvinism and everything to do with communication and compromise - yes it's nice to be able to "treat" others, regardless of their gender and yes chivalry does have a part in modern society but it doesn't all have to come down to who pays either - especially not in an NSA environment where let's face it both people are their for the same reason, mutual pleasure - so if the cost of that mutual pleasure is shared then that's not a bad thing.
As I said though it ultimately comes down to communication and compromise to find an agreeable solution for both."
You don’t GM and neither do I but it remains that many do see it as chauvinistic behaviour.
We are in agreement in that it all comes down to communication |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always pay. I like to spoil my man. Buy him a nice shirt or shoes so he looks hot and I can show him off when we go out.
I spoil him and he repays me by looking and smelling great. The other women look really jealous when I have him on my arm.
Then when we get home he's grateful for my treats and I get a night of passion.
I like to spoil him. He looks good and that makes me look good. |
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"As a gentleman I expect to treat any lady on any date I took them out for.
It is always lovely when a women offers to contribute and if she insists then I’m happy for her to pay her way but I wouldn’t expect her too.
I’m sure many will see this as chauvinistic...
If you do, we’re incompatible.
I don’t think it’s chauvinistic at all Sam. I like that. "
I agree it’s a nice thing to do and I don’t see it as chauvinistic, it’s just how I was bought up to pay my own way. It all comes down to communicating and not making either of you uncomfortable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always pay my way. First drink or coffee is always on me, then we take it in turns. Dinner or food is always half. It can change slighty with people I know better. We'll take it in turns to pay for things, I don't mind that as long as I get my chance to pay to. The only time I would let someone "spoil" me so to speak was if it was my birthday and even then it makes me feel uncomfortable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally like the man to pay but that don't mean I won't put my hand in my purse and buy him a drink or summit, if I was to book hotel myself I would not expect him to pay as its myself that booked it not him and vice versa,
But on the other hand if he wanted to pay for everything without expecting anything in return then that's a kind gesture and a gift so I'd be thankful and except. That don't mean I would rinse him for all his worth |
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"I always pay half on meets, half the hotel cost, pay for my own travel expenses, offer to pay half of food etc as I think that is the right thing to do. But I am laying here this morning thinking how lovely it would be to just be whisked away on a weekend break and be spoiled rotten - a leave your purse at home treat, every thing taken care of. Just once as I think it would feel a bit odd
Would you allow yourself to be spoiled? "
Morning Jo!
I did before lockdown- I was treated to a beautiful country hotel and fantastic room, dinner and of course a truly fabulous evening. The company was handsome, intellectually stimulating and generous |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
You don’t GM and neither do I but it remains that many do see it as chauvinistic behaviour.
We are in agreement in that it all comes down to communication "
We are, as we often are
Sadly there are *some* that will always look for things that simply aren't there to further their cause or misguided beliefs...on both sides of the equation and they fall into the earlier incompatible category you described so well |
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It's a bit of a minefield, as until you know that person, you don't quite know their motivation either in paying for everything or letting you do the same e.g. if you know that they're paying this time becuase they just want to treat you, rather than because it re-inforces a sexist attitude or because they expect something in return, then that's fine. I think going halves when you first meet is probably the safe option. |
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Good for you Jo ..... I don't whore myself out, lead people on or give out the wrong signals either but like any human being being treated is such a heart warming pleasure ( as it treating others )
My rule ...... If you're a friend or family ... go ahead and treat me.
If you are a meet ....... no chance. |
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"I'm a bit old fashioned in the sense that I always pay, nothing to do with being sexist or expecting anything in return, just the gentlemanly thing to do. "
That's really nice of you Charlie.
Do you do it for male friends too ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always pay. I like to spoil my man. Buy him a nice shirt or shoes so he looks hot and I can show him off when we go out.
I spoil him and he repays me by looking and smelling great. The other women look really jealous when I have him on my arm.
Then when we get home he's grateful for my treats and I get a night of passion.
I like to spoil him. He looks good and that makes me look good. "
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in Asian culture, it's very acceptable for the man to treat you if he's wooing you. But I have no idea how fab life works. Think I like to offer and if he's says he wants to pay, i oblige, won't take it offence yet a kind gesture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When meeting at hotels, I always pay, because half the year I am unable to accommodate. This is always done under the proviso that the hotel room belongs to the person I am meeting with. As this tends to be in Exeter, and I can get back to my house from there quite easily, I make it clear that there is no pressure, I do not have a drink until I have been told that I will invited to their room, this leaves them free to make a choice, if things went pear-shaped after that, I would get a taxi.
As for paying for food or drinks, I genuinely drive people mad because I just don’t let people pay (friends, lovers, men or women), me mum told me always to give and yes, this causes huge problems, it’s not for everyone. I support the feminist movement, this has nothing to do with gender, it’s to do with the way I was brought up and the challenging financial conditions we had “when you can, you should, because one day you might not be able” is the phrase often used in my house."
I like Exeter |
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"I'm a 50/50 person. I think out dated traditions where the guy pays for everything are exactly that, out dated, fair enough back when women didn't work but not now.
However if you're in long term thing, whether that be a an actual relationship or fwb then yeah I like to treat someone, take them away, buy them stuff. But I view it as a treat, not, "I'm going to pay for everything little lady, you just stand there and look pretty". "
I agree totally.
In the case of couples, it may appear as if one of them is paying but it is THEIR money.
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Well that depends.
I'm piss poor so tend not to meet unless it's payday weekend so I knowni have some funds.
I don't see it as whoring myself out if someone wants to pay (and I know they can easily afford it) same way as I wouldn't see someone I met as whoring themselves out or put for a free ride if I was paying. If I'm offering to pay it's because I want to. It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen sexually, it's 2 grown ups understanding that finances are what finances are. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're awful.
If I'm invited round for dinner at mates they don't expect me to repay with sex for the food they bought, the gas used during cooking or the drink I've consumed whilst there. They've still paid for it at the supermarket haven't they so what's the difference? |
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"I always pay half on meets, half the hotel cost, pay for my own travel expenses, offer to pay half of food etc as I think that is the right thing to do. But I am laying here this morning thinking how lovely it would be to just be whisked away on a weekend break and be spoiled rotten - a leave your purse at home treat, every thing taken care of. Just once as I think it would feel a bit odd
Would you allow yourself to be spoiled? "
I always offer to cover everything, but would never ask for a contribution - I suppose it’s my treat. If they offered to go Dutch then I wouldn’t argue with them. |
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"Well that depends.
I'm piss poor so tend not to meet unless it's payday weekend so I knowni have some funds.
I don't see it as whoring myself out if someone wants to pay (and I know they can easily afford it) same way as I wouldn't see someone I met as whoring themselves out or put for a free ride if I was paying. If I'm offering to pay it's because I want to. It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen sexually, it's 2 grown ups understanding that finances are what finances are. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're awful.
If I'm invited round for dinner at mates they don't expect me to repay with sex for the food they bought, the gas used during cooking or the drink I've consumed whilst there. They've still paid for it at the supermarket haven't they so what's the difference? "
And if I've cooked someone a meal I would never expect them to cough up for half the food or repay me.
I wanted their company that's why I invited them. |
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I always pay half unless for example, I've travelled a fair bit and they haven't and they've offered to get the hotel as their side of the deal. There was one scenario where the guy wanted to book a particular hotel that was more expensive than I could really afford at the time and was happy to cover more of the cost as a result. Personally I'm often not comfortable being paid for. Not only because it doesn't sit right with me but for some people it results in them wanting to get their "monies worth" in return. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t really have strong feelings being the one paying, going half or having them pay. I’ll always offer, but usually on dates they say 'no no let me get this’ and I just think what is the point in arguing over it  |
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"Well that depends.
I'm piss poor so tend not to meet unless it's payday weekend so I knowni have some funds.
I don't see it as whoring myself out if someone wants to pay (and I know they can easily afford it) same way as I wouldn't see someone I met as whoring themselves out or put for a free ride if I was paying. If I'm offering to pay it's because I want to. It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen sexually, it's 2 grown ups understanding that finances are what finances are. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're awful.
If I'm invited round for dinner at mates they don't expect me to repay with sex for the food they bought, the gas used during cooking or the drink I've consumed whilst there. They've still paid for it at the supermarket haven't they so what's the difference? "
Nothing wrong with either situation you've stated.
The second paragraph is the same as I said above...... if a friend or family has money and treats me that's great.... i'd do the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything. |
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything."
Too sensible by half  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"in Asian culture, it's very acceptable for the man to treat you if he's wooing you. But I have no idea how fab life works. Think I like to offer and if he's says he wants to pay, i oblige, won't take it offence yet a kind gesture. "
And I think that is where a lot here get confused, not only about the subject of costs but meets generally - they extrapolate "dating/relationship" etiquette to it when, although there are elements of it, it's different, certainly for initial meets with someone - but a lot fail to see that. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
I think it really depends on the situation, I've been out with a guy and he's paid for the hotel but ive paid for club entry/membership then I'll pay for the hotel next time and pay the club entry and he's bought drinks.
Often men just like women to offer, then they do the manly 'nono I'll get it'. I'm perfectly happy to share costs. |
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything."
It doesn't have to be a silly awkward dance. I want to handle it x, you want to handle it y, let's meet in the middle. Mutual respect for each others position. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Well that depends.
I'm piss poor so tend not to meet unless it's payday weekend so I knowni have some funds.
I don't see it as whoring myself out if someone wants to pay (and I know they can easily afford it) same way as I wouldn't see someone I met as whoring themselves out or put for a free ride if I was paying. If I'm offering to pay it's because I want to. It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen sexually, it's 2 grown ups understanding that finances are what finances are. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're awful.
If I'm invited round for dinner at mates they don't expect me to repay with sex for the food they bought, the gas used during cooking or the drink I've consumed whilst there. They've still paid for it at the supermarket haven't they so what's the difference? "
You can share my hotel room and no contributions necessary!  |
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"Well that depends.
I'm piss poor so tend not to meet unless it's payday weekend so I knowni have some funds.
I don't see it as whoring myself out if someone wants to pay (and I know they can easily afford it) same way as I wouldn't see someone I met as whoring themselves out or put for a free ride if I was paying. If I'm offering to pay it's because I want to. It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen sexually, it's 2 grown ups understanding that finances are what finances are. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're awful.
If I'm invited round for dinner at mates they don't expect me to repay with sex for the food they bought, the gas used during cooking or the drink I've consumed whilst there. They've still paid for it at the supermarket haven't they so what's the difference?
You can share my hotel room and no contributions necessary! "
I'll provide the "air freshener"
Brrrrpfttt |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Well that depends.
I'm piss poor so tend not to meet unless it's payday weekend so I knowni have some funds.
I don't see it as whoring myself out if someone wants to pay (and I know they can easily afford it) same way as I wouldn't see someone I met as whoring themselves out or put for a free ride if I was paying. If I'm offering to pay it's because I want to. It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen sexually, it's 2 grown ups understanding that finances are what finances are. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're awful.
If I'm invited round for dinner at mates they don't expect me to repay with sex for the food they bought, the gas used during cooking or the drink I've consumed whilst there. They've still paid for it at the supermarket haven't they so what's the difference?
You can share my hotel room and no contributions necessary!
I'll provide the "air freshener"
Brrrrpfttt"
Oh god, I'll open the windows |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything."
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise."
|
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise."
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move. |
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"I’m too generous with friends. I’m always like oh don’t be daft I’ll pay or I’ll pick you up. It’s just my nature.
Looking back at ex friends I see how tight they are and never put their hand in their pocket.
My fella always pays for meals and things but I’ll pay for other things.
It probably works out quite fairly. "
But you're not letting your friends pay, how does that make them tight? |
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move. "
|
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move. "
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused "
Yeah, you're right. Women are mysterious and capricious creatures and there's literally no way to tell the difference between a woman who is making an empty gesture but secretly wants you to pay the bill and a woman who is genuinely uncomfortable with making you pay for everything and would prefer to split it.
If only there was some way to find out what she was really thinking. I guess we'll never know...  |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused "
That's different, you're not doing that as a macho dick waving thing, you're genuinely wanting to pay just because you've had a great time. It would actually be really lovely to hear that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused "
I know! I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been stuck in the queue at Aldi because I’ve offered to pay but I didn’t really want to and I don’t know how to use my card. Then to make things worse, when a big hunky man comes, and I think I’m saved, he calls himself ‘security’ and I have ‘an attitude problem’ and should ‘pay for my shopping or leave’
What the hell! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know! I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been stuck in the queue at Aldi because I’ve offered to pay but I didn’t really want to and I don’t know how to use my card. Then to make things worse, when a big hunky man comes, and I think I’m saved, he calls himself ‘security’ and I have ‘an attitude problem’ and should ‘pay for my shopping or leave’
What the hell! "
|
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused
Yeah, you're right. Women are mysterious and capricious creatures and there's literally no way to tell the difference between a woman who is making an empty gesture but secretly wants you to pay the bill and a woman who is genuinely uncomfortable with making you pay for everything and would prefer to split it.
If only there was some way to find out what she was really thinking. I guess we'll never know... "
It's easy. A woman who intends to pay states it fairly and firmly and is generally in the act of reaching into her bag.....
The frauds are the ones who go ..... Oh really ? You don't mind ? Are you sure ...... Oh that's really nice of you ....... whilst looking directly at you and smiling aghast. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"I always pay half on meets, half the hotel cost, pay for my own travel expenses, offer to pay half of food etc as I think that is the right thing to do. But I am laying here this morning thinking how lovely it would be to just be whisked away on a weekend break and be spoiled rotten - a leave your purse at home treat, every thing taken care of. Just once as I think it would feel a bit odd
Would you allow yourself to be spoiled? "
. Good on you for paying your way as there are plenty who don’t or expect a guy to pick up the bill.If I suggest a hotel , restaurant or cab then I expect to pay as I suggested it so I should be able to cover the cost.If a lady suggests it if it is within my budget I would offer to pay or at least pay half if it’s out of my budget I would be honest to say to say look I can give you this much towards the costs. |
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"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused
That's different, you're not doing that as a macho dick waving thing, you're genuinely wanting to pay just because you've had a great time. It would actually be really lovely to hear that. "
Without detracting from hopefully a positive sentiment
I'd hope that BOTH parties have indeed had a great time
The "great time" part should work equally else it may seem a person has paid for a one way great time
Obviously it's a lovely gesture to feel such a way however I'm exceptionally fortunate to meet ladies who feel I'm also worth something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused "
. Welcome to the world of today! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Haven't read the whole thread so just posting my reply to OP.
I would expect the man to offer to pay but would THEN insist to pay half on a coffee meet. We would then sort it from there.
A hotel meet, unless he is staying there, I would offer half. If it is accept then that's up to them. Im not going to argue over it.
Same applies for a more date style meet. Id offer my half.
What I won't do it make things uncomfortable by making money an issue. I can more than afford to pay for any meet I do.
It's all about principle to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"in Asian culture, it's very acceptable for the man to treat you if he's wooing you. But I have no idea how fab life works. Think I like to offer and if he's says he wants to pay, i oblige, won't take it offence yet a kind gesture.
And I think that is where a lot here get confused, not only about the subject of costs but meets generally - they extrapolate "dating/relationship" etiquette to it when, although there are elements of it, it's different, certainly for initial meets with someone - but a lot fail to see that."
I don't think it's different at all...it's all part of negotiating a social interaction with someone new and doesn't need to be any more difficult than the people involved make it |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"It doesn't have to be that complicated. I generally just ask how we're handling the bill.
A lot of the ladies I've been out with have been pretty independent and have preferred to split it. If it's someone I'm seeing regularly, maybe we'll take turns to pay.
While I'm more than willing to put my hand in my pocket, it's rare that I've ended up paying for everything.
Nail on the head squarely
Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that or made about feminism or chauvinism or any other ism for that matter - again trouble is here people over-complicate things when all they need to do is talk and be open to compromise.
Indeed. It's basic respect. Insisting on paying the bill when the lady has stated a preference for splitting it just comes across as a slightly insecure power move.
I just thought that the offer to pay was a nice gesture from the lady to show she wasn't expecting the guy to pay.
I never thought I was insecure or making a power move by saying thank you for offering to pay half but I'm honestly happy to pay as I've had a lovely time and in great company.
Sounds like I'm damned if I pay and insecure if I don't
No wonder I'm confused
That's different, you're not doing that as a macho dick waving thing, you're genuinely wanting to pay just because you've had a great time. It would actually be really lovely to hear that.
Without detracting from hopefully a positive sentiment
I'd hope that BOTH parties have indeed had a great time
The "great time" part should work equally else it may seem a person has paid for a one way great time
Obviously it's a lovely gesture to feel such a way however I'm exceptionally fortunate to meet ladies who feel I'm also worth something "
Well doh, if I had gone out with someone I'd have an interest in them as a person or I wouldn't be there lol.
My point was more about the reason he was offering to pay, he wasn't doing it as a 'manly gesture'. |
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