FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Nice guys finish last?
Nice guys finish last?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've made some remarkable friends from this site but sadly I feel as though I'm trying too chase someone to try and keep me from being lonely. I was lucky enough too had made a connection with a lovely girl who seemed too be the one. We got along great like a house on fire but unfortunately that spark came to a end quicker than I thought. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think it matters if you are nice or not... If the other person doesn't feel the spark, its never gonna happen... Or it will fizzle quickly "
we were passionate there's no doubt about that. But yes it soon fizzled.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you know if your being too forward or clingy. Once I could tell we were growing apart it tore my happiness away but only realising i have myself too blame |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Nice guy or not, be you. If that puts you at the disadvantage then so be it.
I'd rather be true to who I am and feel I am as a person than compromise (I mean for the worse, not making a compromise out of respect) just for the sake of gaining somebodies attention and/or affection.
If that means I miss out on somebody who I feel would be a great match for me then so be it. I'll be the nice guy without any regrets. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always say don't go looking for love as love will come looking for you. But to be honest most on here are just looking for good sex and friendships so maybe you should join a dating site."
Id get awkward when explaining about being a swinger. I'd tell the truth obviously as someone would be bound too say something which would just completely scare someone away who isn't on the scene. If that makes sense.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nice guy or not, be you. If that puts you at the disadvantage then so be it.
I'd rather be true to who I am and feel I am as a person than compromise (I mean for the worse, not making a compromise out of respect) just for the sake of gaining somebodies attention and/or affection.
If that means I miss out on somebody who I feel would be a great match for me then so be it. I'll be the nice guy without any regrets."
I know this girl completely rocked by boat and had me feeling like I was at my full potential to become myself again. Soon as it ends it's like why do I bother trying. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I can sympathise with all of this. I wouldn't say I plan on settling down and the feeling hadn't fizzled out I just didn't see it working out. I think at the moment it's because I'm too insecure and feel like while hes on here as single he'll find something better anyway.
I think I'm emotionally just too empty from everything going on to try the dating apps again! I just want a big spoon - why is it so hard to get   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you know if your being too forward or clingy. Once I could tell we were growing apart it tore my happiness away but only realising i have myself too blame "
It’s not about being a nice guy or not... and there is a difference between being nice and being clingy.
I’ve experienced a ‘nice’ guy being needy, clingy and essentially love bombing. I couldn’t run fast enough.
I’m not saying that’s what you were doing, I just picked up on your clingy comment above. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can sympathise with all of this. I wouldn't say I plan on settling down and the feeling hadn't fizzled out I just didn't see it working out. I think at the moment it's because I'm too insecure and feel like while hes on here as single he'll find something better anyway.
I think I'm emotionally just too empty from everything going on to try the dating apps again! I just want a big spoon - why is it so hard to get "
why go along and try too get better when all the happiness and passion is all ready there. Not you literally. I'd give you the biggest spoon and never let go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it matters if you are nice or not... If the other person doesn't feel the spark, its never gonna happen... Or it will fizzle quickly "
This really^
Sorry you're upset fella but try to learn from it and maybe play it cooler next time or at least be sure to communicate well so you both know you're on the same page, and if it ends it ends, enjoy the beginning and middle....! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you know if your being too forward or clingy. Once I could tell we were growing apart it tore my happiness away but only realising i have myself too blame
It’s not about being a nice guy or not... and there is a difference between being nice and being clingy.
I’ve experienced a ‘nice’ guy being needy, clingy and essentially love bombing. I couldn’t run fast enough.
I’m not saying that’s what you were doing, I just picked up on your clingy comment above."
do women not like being love bombed. As soon as she opened her arms too me it felt like I walked through into a different dimension. My everyday stress seemed too be less as I was just caught up myself on that so called loved bomb |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think it matters if you are nice or not... If the other person doesn't feel the spark, its never gonna happen... Or it will fizzle quickly
This really^
Sorry you're upset fella but try to learn from it and maybe play it cooler next time or at least be sure to communicate well so you both know you're on the same page, and if it ends it ends, enjoy the beginning and middle....! "
just feel like I pushed the boat out too far this time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do nice guys finish last? Sort of.
There's no doubt a sizeable majority of women are into assholes, to a variable extent and to varying degrees of consciousness of that fact.
There's also no doubt that there are degrees of asshole. Some women just drip for the machete wielding drug dealer, others for the sociopathic business cutthroat, yet more just for someone who isn't afraid to challenge them and tell them that yes, their shit does stink just like the rest of us.
If my experience has taught me anything it's this. We all have a little asshole in us which can manifest in different ways. If you suppress it and "try to be nice" you will probably finish last.
It sounds corny, and is often misapplied, but being yourself also means embracing your inner asshole, accepting it and being challenging when appropriate. People, not just women, will respect you more for it and you will find sparks last much longer when respect is earned and maintained.
I would also echo the sentiments of others here - Don't look for love. Look for your own happiness, have your sexual needs met and eventually the right one will find you. Get yourself to a position where you are fairly unincumbered by any need for it to happen. Build the castle and people will want to live in it.
I didn't intend to find love when I met L. In fact she came along at precisely the wrong time in so far as what I thought my plans were. But she found me and decided my castle looked interesting and the rest is history.
The most unsustainable basis for a relationship is when one party desperately wants a relationship, rather than wants a particular person who wants them back as an individual. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it matters if you are nice or not... If the other person doesn't feel the spark, its never gonna happen... Or it will fizzle quickly
This really^
Sorry you're upset fella but try to learn from it and maybe play it cooler next time or at least be sure to communicate well so you both know you're on the same page, and if it ends it ends, enjoy the beginning and middle....! just feel like I pushed the boat out too far this time"
I reckon you're probs best having a chat with someone who really knows you and being honest with them about what happened. You can then work out what went wrong and aim to avoid a recurrence. Tbh it sounds to me like you maybe need to sit out for a bit from the relationship and shagging game and reassess your goals.
Threads here will just get you loads of well intentioned but inaccurate advice and sympathy from strangers like me, but I'm not sure what we can offer in terms of real help, maybe just an ear I guess... ?
Anyway, hope you're feeling better soon fella |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've made some remarkable friends from this site but sadly I feel as though I'm trying too chase someone to try and keep me from being lonely. I was lucky enough too had made a connection with a lovely girl who seemed too be the one. We got along great like a house on fire but unfortunately that spark came to a end quicker than I thought. "
I'm sitting beside you on the bus right now my friend! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you know if your being too forward or clingy. Once I could tell we were growing apart it tore my happiness away but only realising i have myself too blame
It’s not about being a nice guy or not... and there is a difference between being nice and being clingy.
I’ve experienced a ‘nice’ guy being needy, clingy and essentially love bombing. I couldn’t run fast enough.
I’m not saying that’s what you were doing, I just picked up on your clingy comment above. do women not like being love bombed. As soon as she opened her arms too me it felt like I walked through into a different dimension. My everyday stress seemed too be less as I was just caught up myself on that so called loved bomb"
Google ‘Love bombing’ but regardless of that there is such a thing as too much too soon.
Certainly in my case I felt suffocated, all it did was make me pull away..
Sometimes love is unrequited, and you just have to deal with that as sad as it feels right now, you will move past it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've found complementing ladies your interested in is fukkin bollox .
They hear that shit over & over ,you gotta be original .
Basically if ya chat is wank you only got yaself to blame |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"I can sympathise with all of this. I wouldn't say I plan on settling down and the feeling hadn't fizzled out I just didn't see it working out. I think at the moment it's because I'm too insecure and feel like while hes on here as single he'll find something better anyway.
I think I'm emotionally just too empty from everything going on to try the dating apps again! I just want a big spoon - why is it so hard to get why go along and try too get better when all the happiness and passion is all ready there. Not you literally. I'd give you the biggest spoon and never let go. "
I do love a cuddle  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's hard to know what I done wrong as she won't say. That's her being nice but my mind eats away at itself thinking I should have shouldn't have done said that. I'm too late now but just wanted to hear some opinions. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m all for a gentleman as long as he has the dirty mind to go with it 
A real gentleman breaks headboards not hearts "
and repair them the week later |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"It's hard to know what I done wrong as she won't say. That's her being nice but my mind eats away at itself thinking I should have shouldn't have done said that. I'm too late now but just wanted to hear some opinions. Thank you. "
I think the best thing for you to do is learn from it! What made you happy in the relationship, what you liked and didn't like.
Then leave it in the past. As the saying goes - what's for you won't go by you.
Disclaimer - it's definitely easier said than done and I'm terrible at taking my own advice!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Putting yourself forward isn't a bad thing. You've gotta keep this in mind : you miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
That's good, I think I am going to use that! In my head, I sound like
Matthew McConaughey  |
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There is something to this nice guy stuff.
I was an absolute narcissistic prick in my younger days and I never wanted for female company. It took me ages to realise how destructive it was for all. Utterly shameful behaviour.
Since my renaissance I am not as successful as I was. But I like who I am now and I’m not going to comprise that for sex.
Be true to yourself OP it will come together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think the best thing for you to do is learn from it! "
I think the problem with that, much as I agree with what you're saying, is he doesn't know what aspect of his actions and behaviour he needs to learn from, plus what does or doesn't work with one lady won't be the same for others.
Be true to yourself OP... it's all you can do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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From what I can make out is I tried too hard too early. Only thing is. How do you treat someone differently when you love them too bits. As long as they are happy and you are happy isn't that the main goal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I can make out is I tried too hard too early. Only thing is. How do you treat someone differently when you love them too bits. As long as they are happy and you are happy isn't that the main goal."
Communication, connection and understanding  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Given that fab is quite transcendental for many people here, a relationship or commitment of any kind may be exactly what they don't want? In my experience, people know what they don't want more readily than what they do want. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Given that fab is quite transcendental for many people here, a relationship or commitment of any kind may be exactly what they don't want? In my experience, people know what they don't want more readily than what they do want."
that's one way of looking at it I suppose
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"From what I can make out is I tried too hard too early. Only thing is. How do you treat someone differently when you love them too bits. As long as they are happy and you are happy isn't that the main goal."
Thing is though, they weren't *as* happy as you by the sounds of it, and potentially by being a bit full on you scared her away a little.
It's very easy to get caught up in the "idea" of emotions and feelings because of the nature of the site - thing is for many they're not looking for the whole hearts and flowers experience, so unless you both agree that's what you want then it's best to try and keep emotions in check. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can sympathise with all of this. I wouldn't say I plan on settling down and the feeling hadn't fizzled out I just didn't see it working out. I think at the moment it's because I'm too insecure and feel like while hes on here as single he'll find something better anyway.
I think I'm emotionally just too empty from everything going on to try the dating apps again! I just want a big spoon - why is it so hard to get "
You can't beat a nice spoon! You look lovely |
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By *inamicMan
over a year ago
Blackpool |
Just be you and try not be too forward at times, put yourself first. If it's not meant to be then move or else ull cling to something thats not gonna happen and miss out on other amazing ppl and chances. I probs get 90% of my messages either deleted or no reply and its tough not to let it effect you but you have to just move on and look for that next person who might be the right fit for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've made some remarkable friends from this site but sadly I feel as though I'm trying too chase someone to try and keep me from being lonely. I was lucky enough too had made a connection with a lovely girl who seemed too be the one. We got along great like a house on fire but unfortunately that spark came to a end quicker than I thought. "
What's so great about a house being on fire? Callous stuff. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've made some remarkable friends from this site but sadly I feel as though I'm trying too chase someone to try and keep me from being lonely. I was lucky enough too had made a connection with a lovely girl who seemed too be the one. We got along great like a house on fire but unfortunately that spark came to a end quicker than I thought.
What's so great about a house being on fire? Callous stuff."
??? |
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