FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Hard heart.
Hard heart.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m really sorry to hear this, it’s a hard cycle to break. And I don’t think your heart will ever harden, you’ll just lose hope and That’s worse. High time to find out why you’re attracted to this type of guy  |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?"
Difficult! Dont think u ever get there just become more able to deal with it and move on! so have a kind of barrier up to expect the worse and anything else is a bonus if that makes sense? x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?"
I don’t think you should be like that, that sounds like a miserable and horrible way to be. You need to meet the right person, and I know this is easier said than done, but you need to find someone who loves you for who you are  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is human to feel and you cannot take away your humanity.
What you can do it decide how you deal with the lets downs if and when you get to the next one. THAT is the way to cope with them x |
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Perhaps with so many emotional hardships with guys, you should slow down a bit, enjoy their company and any benefits which may arise without the need to establish a meaningful relationship with each one.
The next guy you meet might be the one ,,, he may not ,, take your time . H xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It’s almost 2 months since a guy blocked me after pursuing me hard for a month then sleeping with me.
I haven’t messaged any other guys during these 2 months. Well guys have messaged me (not on here) guys from the real world, but I’ve politely told them I’m not in the right head space for chatting at the moment.
I could easily get a distraction but 1) I’m not into using somebody just because I feel shit and 2) I’m not going to heal properly if I rely on another guy to make me happy.
It’s got to the point now where I just wanna tell any future guy to fuck off and leave me alone. Even when you express your standard from the start they just manipulate you into thinking they want the same things.
I’m done like. Can’t be arsed. |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?"
I think you can work on your bullshit detector without becoming emotionally cold. I'm sorry you feel like this.
I have to say, when I first saw you around the forums I thought "she doesn't look like my kind of person, she's all about looks". Over time I saw that this wasn't the case - it feels almost like you use your incredible attractiveness as a shield, because underneath it you want to be loved. I want to apologise for making that judgement, it wasn't fair.
I hope you are able to love yourself as you are, without seeking to change. For me that's a lifelong process and bloody hard sometimes. Being vulnerable in that way has opened me up to honest and fulfilling relationships, though.
Mrs TMN x |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?"
they dont
They just pretend,
And still end up being hurt or experiencing pain
They just hide it is all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I think you can work on your bullshit detector without becoming emotionally cold. I'm sorry you feel like this.
I have to say, when I first saw you around the forums I thought "she doesn't look like my kind of person, she's all about looks". Over time I saw that this wasn't the case - it feels almost like you use your incredible attractiveness as a shield, because underneath it you want to be loved. I want to apologise for making that judgement, it wasn't fair.
I hope you are able to love yourself as you are, without seeking to change. For me that's a lifelong process and bloody hard sometimes. Being vulnerable in that way has opened me up to honest and fulfilling relationships, though.
Mrs TMN x"
I feel like I shouldn’t have to change. I’m an empath, I care about people deeply, even though I get hurt a lot I still let myself and my heart be open because that’s my personality. I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality but I keep waiting for these walls to come up that everyone talks about but I don’t seem to have none, or if I do they’re made of jelly that people can just walk right through. |
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Definitely look into why you seek these types of guys...
You are not a trophy you are a kind slightly crazy caring person who deserves to be loved, its time to break the cycle and find a different way of finding what you need Annie x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely look into why you seek these types of guys...
You are not a trophy you are a kind slightly crazy caring person who deserves to be loved, its time to break the cycle and find a different way of finding what you need Annie x"
I feel like they seek me. Narcissists tends to seek out empaths.
Also a lot of guys want to have sex with me, get lots of compliments, lots of bull shit. This particular guy would say how he had to tell his best mate about me and would say he couldn’t believe his luck that I was interested in him and all that bollocks. It’s like cos he thought I was attractive that it was okay to hurt someone like me. Like his mentality was well she gets loads of attention from everywhere so doesn’t matter if I fuck her about cos she can just get someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely look into why you seek these types of guys...
You are not a trophy you are a kind slightly crazy caring person who deserves to be loved, its time to break the cycle and find a different way of finding what you need Annie x"
This ^^
It’s likely to be the type of guy, try looking at those who you wouldn’t usually go for and see if you find some common ground. |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I think you can work on your bullshit detector without becoming emotionally cold. I'm sorry you feel like this.
I have to say, when I first saw you around the forums I thought "she doesn't look like my kind of person, she's all about looks". Over time I saw that this wasn't the case - it feels almost like you use your incredible attractiveness as a shield, because underneath it you want to be loved. I want to apologise for making that judgement, it wasn't fair.
I hope you are able to love yourself as you are, without seeking to change. For me that's a lifelong process and bloody hard sometimes. Being vulnerable in that way has opened me up to honest and fulfilling relationships, though.
Mrs TMN x
I feel like I shouldn’t have to change. I’m an empath, I care about people deeply, even though I get hurt a lot I still let myself and my heart be open because that’s my personality. I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality but I keep waiting for these walls to come up that everyone talks about but I don’t seem to have none, or if I do they’re made of jelly that people can just walk right through. "
I’ve been in a similar place in the past, so I can empathise. For me it wasn’t about changing who I am, it was more about setting boundaries for myself so that people couldn’t take the piss out of my kind nature.
As Mrs TWN said, it’s a work in progress. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We have to be kind to ourselves, learn and try not to make the same choices.
I live by the mantra ‘if you want a different outcome, you have to do something different!’ |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I think you can work on your bullshit detector without becoming emotionally cold. I'm sorry you feel like this.
I have to say, when I first saw you around the forums I thought "she doesn't look like my kind of person, she's all about looks". Over time I saw that this wasn't the case - it feels almost like you use your incredible attractiveness as a shield, because underneath it you want to be loved. I want to apologise for making that judgement, it wasn't fair.
I hope you are able to love yourself as you are, without seeking to change. For me that's a lifelong process and bloody hard sometimes. Being vulnerable in that way has opened me up to honest and fulfilling relationships, though.
Mrs TMN x
I feel like I shouldn’t have to change. I’m an empath, I care about people deeply, even though I get hurt a lot I still let myself and my heart be open because that’s my personality. I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality but I keep waiting for these walls to come up that everyone talks about but I don’t seem to have none, or if I do they’re made of jelly that people can just walk right through. "
Rather thank seeking to change, I approach it more like knowing myself better - my triggers, my patterns of behaviour, my red flags. Seeing them and being able to act on them can be challenging, though! |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I think you can work on your bullshit detector without becoming emotionally cold. I'm sorry you feel like this.
I have to say, when I first saw you around the forums I thought "she doesn't look like my kind of person, she's all about looks". Over time I saw that this wasn't the case - it feels almost like you use your incredible attractiveness as a shield, because underneath it you want to be loved. I want to apologise for making that judgement, it wasn't fair.
I hope you are able to love yourself as you are, without seeking to change. For me that's a lifelong process and bloody hard sometimes. Being vulnerable in that way has opened me up to honest and fulfilling relationships, though.
Mrs TMN x
I feel like I shouldn’t have to change. I’m an empath, I care about people deeply, even though I get hurt a lot I still let myself and my heart be open because that’s my personality. I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality but I keep waiting for these walls to come up that everyone talks about but I don’t seem to have none, or if I do they’re made of jelly that people can just walk right through.
I’ve been in a similar place in the past, so I can empathise. For me it wasn’t about changing who I am, it was more about setting boundaries for myself so that people couldn’t take the piss out of my kind nature.
As Mrs TWN said, it’s a work in progress. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We have to be kind to ourselves, learn and try not to make the same choices.
I live by the mantra ‘if you want a different outcome, you have to do something different!’ "
Oh, I love that mantra! |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I think you can work on your bullshit detector without becoming emotionally cold. I'm sorry you feel like this.
I have to say, when I first saw you around the forums I thought "she doesn't look like my kind of person, she's all about looks". Over time I saw that this wasn't the case - it feels almost like you use your incredible attractiveness as a shield, because underneath it you want to be loved. I want to apologise for making that judgement, it wasn't fair.
I hope you are able to love yourself as you are, without seeking to change. For me that's a lifelong process and bloody hard sometimes. Being vulnerable in that way has opened me up to honest and fulfilling relationships, though.
Mrs TMN x
I feel like I shouldn’t have to change. I’m an empath, I care about people deeply, even though I get hurt a lot I still let myself and my heart be open because that’s my personality. I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality but I keep waiting for these walls to come up that everyone talks about but I don’t seem to have none, or if I do they’re made of jelly that people can just walk right through.
I’ve been in a similar place in the past, so I can empathise. For me it wasn’t about changing who I am, it was more about setting boundaries for myself so that people couldn’t take the piss out of my kind nature.
As Mrs TWN said, it’s a work in progress. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We have to be kind to ourselves, learn and try not to make the same choices.
I live by the mantra ‘if you want a different outcome, you have to do something different!’
Oh, I love that mantra! "
It really helps me to take a step back when things go a bit awry  |
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You don't have to have a hard heart to have zero tolerance for bullshit.
Neither of us will tolerate rubbish treatment from anyone. We're not hard hearted or emotionless we just know where to invest our time and emotional effort. If you can figure out how to achieve that you'll be OK. There's really no point in throwing good emotion after a bad person (for you) hoping that they will change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven't scrolled so idk if anyone said it yet, but I'd advise to simply just stop meeting guys for a bit and figure out why you're meeting the wrong ones my love....
When something good is gonna happen it'll fund you....  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven't scrolled so idk if anyone said it yet, but I'd advise to simply just stop meeting guys for a bit and figure out why you're meeting the wrong ones my love....
When something good is gonna happen it'll fund you.... "
I wasn’t meeting anyone when this dude came along. I last met a guy off here for a one off weekend in February, after that zero. Wasn’t even speaking to anyone.
This guy was a guy from the real world who I knew vaguely but he pursued me hard after doing work at my property in May. At that point I wasn’t speaking to anyone or looking for anyone but this guy literally turned up at my door. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't scrolled so idk if anyone said it yet, but I'd advise to simply just stop meeting guys for a bit and figure out why you're meeting the wrong ones my love....
When something good is gonna happen it'll fund you....
I wasn’t meeting anyone when this dude came along. I last met a guy off here for a one off weekend in February, after that zero. Wasn’t even speaking to anyone.
This guy was a guy from the real world who I knew vaguely but he pursued me hard after doing work at my property in May. At that point I wasn’t speaking to anyone or looking for anyone but this guy literally turned up at my door. "
There were enough red flags in the story about his pursuit that should have indicated there would be no happy ever after |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't scrolled so idk if anyone said it yet, but I'd advise to simply just stop meeting guys for a bit and figure out why you're meeting the wrong ones my love....
When something good is gonna happen it'll fund you....
I wasn’t meeting anyone when this dude came along. I last met a guy off here for a one off weekend in February, after that zero. Wasn’t even speaking to anyone.
This guy was a guy from the real world who I knew vaguely but he pursued me hard after doing work at my property in May. At that point I wasn’t speaking to anyone or looking for anyone but this guy literally turned up at my door. "
The one asking for pics? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dr Nippy prescribes six months of no thought whatsoever about relationships or men, and use that time to conjure a plan and hit that plan fully committed to not taking any shit but not giving any either, stay soft.....! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dr Nippy prescribes six months of no thought whatsoever about relationships or men, and use that time to conjure a plan and hit that plan fully committed to not taking any shit but not giving any either, stay soft.....! "
Or alternatively.....   |
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"I haven't scrolled so idk if anyone said it yet, but I'd advise to simply just stop meeting guys for a bit and figure out why you're meeting the wrong ones my love....
When something good is gonna happen it'll fund you....
I wasn’t meeting anyone when this dude came along. I last met a guy off here for a one off weekend in February, after that zero. Wasn’t even speaking to anyone.
This guy was a guy from the real world who I knew vaguely but he pursued me hard after doing work at my property in May. At that point I wasn’t speaking to anyone or looking for anyone but this guy literally turned up at my door. "
Is he the one whose work van was outside his house when you went to the nearby shop? |
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I understand where you are coming from. My dad did some epic shitty stuff, and then I more or less bounced into the worst relationship ever for 20 years. I've had periods of time where I wished I didn't feel anything, not pain nor joy just nothingness.
Working on it is hard as hell I won't deny and I'm still work in progress. But working on what exactly you want and need is the next important step. |
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You can tell yourself after every time you get hurt that enough is enough and you won't ever let anyone close enough to do it to you again but then you meet that one person, you slowly start to let them in, hoping they won't hurt you.
You will always be cautious and forever in the back of your mind you think that they will hurt you.
It is a very vicious cycle! But hopefully you will be able to break it. |
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It is hard because you assume you can rely on someone emotionally and they literally pull the carpet out from under you. For every good man (and woman) there are at least a dozen shitbags. Use your empathy and experience to help you find the good people - oh and remember the goodies are not always the most handsome or best dressed but their hearts are pure gold. |
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Don't destroy your humanity because some humans are shit.
Shit humans teach us lessons. We grow. We learn to spot them. We work on ourselves.
Kindness, vulnerability, openness, are gifts, and are humanity at its most raw and powerful. We look for reasons not to give them, we learn to spot those red flags. |
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"Don't destroy your humanity because some humans are shit.
Shit humans teach us lessons. We grow. We learn to spot them. We work on ourselves.
Kindness, vulnerability, openness, are gifts, and are humanity at its most raw and powerful. We look for reasons not to give them, we learn to spot those red flags. "
yes!  |
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"It’s almost 2 months since a guy blocked me after pursuing me hard for a month then sleeping with me.
I haven’t messaged any other guys during these 2 months. Well guys have messaged me (not on here) guys from the real world, but I’ve politely told them I’m not in the right head space for chatting at the moment.
I could easily get a distraction but 1) I’m not into using somebody just because I feel shit and 2) I’m not going to heal properly if I rely on another guy to make me happy.
It’s got to the point now where I just wanna tell any future guy to fuck off and leave me alone. Even when you express your standard from the start they just manipulate you into thinking they want the same things.
I’m done like. Can’t be arsed. "
I genuinely wish I had some answers for you or some words of wisdom and advice for you to make things better.
I dont know you and we havent spoken, but I can tell by what you have said here you are are very kind, caring & compassionate person, they are wonderful qualities to have, and a blessing even though they feel more like a curse.
Clearly you have reached the point where you have realised you're not happy with how relationships have worked out and want to make a change, that change being that you have decided to take a break from guys so that both your mind and your heart can heal, in my opinion a wise decision as they are both very fragile and need to be taken care of, especially the mind as it takes much longer to heal (I know this as my ex broke my mind in the worst way possible).
Keep looking after yourself physically, mentally & emotionally and you will heal and be able to move forward, most important of all is to not loose hope. You deserve better, and to be happy.
Stay safe, you're stronger than you think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't destroy your humanity because some humans are shit.
Shit humans teach us lessons. We grow. We learn to spot them. We work on ourselves.
Kindness, vulnerability, openness, are gifts, and are humanity at its most raw and powerful. We look for reasons not to give them, we learn to spot those red flags. "
If you'd not used the word shit and replaced it with "the behaviour of other humans" of something then I'd wholeheartedly agree..... |
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"Don't destroy your humanity because some humans are shit.
Shit humans teach us lessons. We grow. We learn to spot them. We work on ourselves.
Kindness, vulnerability, openness, are gifts, and are humanity at its most raw and powerful. We look for reasons not to give them, we learn to spot those red flags.
If you'd not used the word shit and replaced it with "the behaviour of other humans" of something then I'd wholeheartedly agree..... "
Take what you want and discard what doesn't suit you. Your prerogative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry too read your feeling down an seem too have negative thoughts. I can see why though as this site can be complete random at times. I don't understand how anyone can treat someone they are supposed too love and cherish. Unless there players then there heartless in doing the dirty. I once found true happiness in meeting a girl who rocked my world. Unfortunately slowly it came to an end. I chased the high and happiness trying to excite and put hope back but now we don't chat. Life can be messed up at times but try and keep your chin above the water. Don't let anyone put you down or try and change you. You are who are how you are as others have mistreated you in the past. Try an let go of that an be happy doing what you enjoy. Hugs. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Don’t change the essence of you because someone has treated YOU badly. That’s on them.
You need to work on your inner Queen.
You need to start expecting better treatment and not settling for breadcrumbs and being treated like shit.
You’re a catch. So start believing that, loving yourself, healing yourself and putting your emotional well-being first rather than hanging everything on the words of those who just want to use you and are paying lip service.
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"Don’t change the essence of you because someone has treated YOU badly. That’s on them.
You need to work on your inner Queen.
You need to start expecting better treatment and not settling for breadcrumbs and being treated like shit.
You’re a catch. So start believing that, loving yourself, healing yourself and putting your emotional well-being first rather than hanging everything on the words of those who just want to use you and are paying lip service.
"
|
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Please don’t be offended but have you considered that because you openly show your vulnerability that guys will see it and know you’re easily hooked in with a charming persona
You’re a fantastic looking lady, what guy wouldn’t want to chase you and become intimate with you, but yes it sounds like you need to play the cool chick and beat them at their own game
It’s nsa after all .... enjoy but do not get involved |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It’s not NSA I’m after though and this guy was not from this site. I wouldn’t expect anything other than sex from this site but when you meet someone from the real world who puts the idea in your head that they’re looking for something meaningful before you’ve even said anything and they chase you hard. Feed you a load of bullshit, being super nice and affectionate and saying all the right things then they sleep with you and then block you days after, it’s felt like the last straw for me.
I wasn’t looking for anyone. I didn’t seek him out. I didn’t initiate contact yet I still got hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is this the guy who was asking you for live Kik pics a little while back though?"
No. This was a guy from the real world who I already kind of knew, he did work for me at my home back in May and after that he pursued me hard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You do not need to train your heart to say enough but your head.
You could an spreadsheet of all the things that went wrong... And try to avoid doing them in the next relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t change the essence of you because someone has treated YOU badly. That’s on them.
You need to work on your inner Queen.
You need to start expecting better treatment and not settling for breadcrumbs and being treated like shit.
You’re a catch. So start believing that, loving yourself, healing yourself and putting your emotional well-being first rather than hanging everything on the words of those who just want to use you and are paying lip service.
"
Love this |
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You really don't.
Personally I love quite freely, openly and easily. I love to love and give people my all. It means I grt hurt more but I always think its worth it. The trick is knowing who no longer deserves your efforts and affections. |
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"You really don't.
Personally I love quite freely, openly and easily. I love to love and give people my all. It means I grt hurt more but I always think its worth it. The trick is knowing who no longer deserves your efforts and affections. "
Hell yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You really don't.
Personally I love quite freely, openly and easily. I love to love and give people my all. It means I grt hurt more but I always think its worth it. The trick is knowing who no longer deserves your efforts and affections. "
This is me too |
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"I haven't scrolled so idk if anyone said it yet, but I'd advise to simply just stop meeting guys for a bit and figure out why you're meeting the wrong ones my love....
When something good is gonna happen it'll fund you....
I wasn’t meeting anyone when this dude came along. I last met a guy off here for a one off weekend in February, after that zero. Wasn’t even speaking to anyone.
This guy was a guy from the real world who I knew vaguely but he pursued me hard after doing work at my property in May. At that point I wasn’t speaking to anyone or looking for anyone but this guy literally turned up at my door.
There were enough red flags in the story about his pursuit that should have indicated there would be no happy ever after"
Take 6 months out, dont meet until you can sort out in your own head what makes you think why these are the types of men you meet, try meeting somebody who maybe the opposite of what you think your looking for and maybe see if that type suits you better  |
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"It’s not NSA I’m after though and this guy was not from this site. I wouldn’t expect anything other than sex from this site but when you meet someone from the real world who puts the idea in your head that they’re looking for something meaningful before you’ve even said anything and they chase you hard. Feed you a load of bullshit, being super nice and affectionate and saying all the right things then they sleep with you and then block you days after, it’s felt like the last straw for me.
I wasn’t looking for anyone. I didn’t seek him out. I didn’t initiate contact yet I still got hurt. "
But if he wasn’t from here and you met him when he worked for you how could he block you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s not NSA I’m after though and this guy was not from this site. I wouldn’t expect anything other than sex from this site but when you meet someone from the real world who puts the idea in your head that they’re looking for something meaningful before you’ve even said anything and they chase you hard. Feed you a load of bullshit, being super nice and affectionate and saying all the right things then they sleep with you and then block you days after, it’s felt like the last straw for me.
I wasn’t looking for anyone. I didn’t seek him out. I didn’t initiate contact yet I still got hurt.
But if he wasn’t from here and you met him when he worked for you how could he block you? "
He blocked my mobile, WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook messenger. |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?"
Took me to the age of 40! But now I am like an ice queen unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
He blocked my mobile, WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook messenger.
What did you do to piss him off ? "
Messaged him to much. We slept together on the Saturday, on the Sunday and Monday his messages were quite minimal as he was suffering with a hangover cos he never drinks and had a drink that Saturday evening. On the Tuesday he didn’t read any of my messages, I was getting myself worked up and knew he was ignoring me so I sent around 8 messages, nothing nasty just along the lines of he used me for a fuck and is now ignoring me. The next day he sent a long message calling me a maniac and that he was still suffering from a hangover that’s why he never read my messages.
I believe the outcome would’ve been the same whether I’d sent the messages or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi Annie. Sorry to hear this is ur experience. For me I have been hurt in the past, but I'd take that pain for how amazing the times were with that person, I think to have a strong connnection with who ur with makes what u enjoy together far greater, communication, trust, openess, dont wish ur heart to b ice imho xx |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
Sorry to hear that OP. Looks like you're meeting/choosing the wrong guys though.
I learnt long ago that women come and go in life, so I just don't emotionally invest anymore. Despite best efforts, they're like tampon. Look great, feel great, feel like they can last forever, but then something ticks and suddenly they're disposable and have to go to the next one....
Live for the moment, and you won't get hurt good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry to hear that OP. Looks like you're meeting/choosing the wrong guys though.
I learnt long ago that women come and go in life, so I just don't emotionally invest anymore. Despite best efforts, they're like tampon. Look great, feel great, feel like they can last forever, but then something ticks and suddenly they're disposable and have to go to the next one....
Live for the moment, and you won't get hurt good luck."
Like a tampon?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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U looke a very attractive woman in ur profile, thats all some pple see. If u chat to smone that u wld like a relationship with just take it slow, if their genuine, they'll hang around, u can even sus smone out, know if there's a connection just from chatting I think. Feck him, u sound like ur worth so much more, do keep ur heart though x |
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Please try not to change. It’s THEM with the problem, not you.
In the ‘real‘ world I’ve struggled with women who are angry and defensive due to being badly hurt in the past. My niceness (their description!) is welcomed for a while but then they just shut down when their feelings develop, and I end up being treated like crap.
I could easily act cold, or hard-hearted, but unfortunately I wear my heart on my sleeve. I think it’s a good thing. Someone out there deserves me, and I’ll live happily ever after. So will you x |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
"Sorry to hear that OP. Looks like you're meeting/choosing the wrong guys though.
I learnt long ago that women come and go in life, so I just don't emotionally invest anymore. Despite best efforts, they're like tampon. Look great, feel great, feel like they can last forever, but then something ticks and suddenly they're disposable and have to go to the next one....
Live for the moment, and you won't get hurt good luck."
 you have obviously never had to use a tampon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please try not to change. It’s THEM with the problem, not you.
In the ‘real‘ world I’ve struggled with women who are angry and defensive due to being badly hurt in the past. My niceness (their description!) is welcomed for a while but then they just shut down when their feelings develop, and I end up being treated like crap.
I could easily act cold, or hard-hearted, but unfortunately I wear my heart on my sleeve. I think it’s a good thing. Someone out there deserves me, and I’ll live happily ever after. So will you x"
But if the op never changes her behaviour at least, it's unlikely there will be a different outcome with the next guy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry to hear that OP. Looks like you're meeting/choosing the wrong guys though.
I learnt long ago that women come and go in life, so I just don't emotionally invest anymore. Despite best efforts, they're like tampon. Look great, feel great, feel like they can last forever, but then something ticks and suddenly they're disposable and have to go to the next one....
Live for the moment, and you won't get hurt good luck.
you have obviously never had to use a tampon "
Exactly  |
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It sounds like you fall very quickly for these guys you meet. Try taking things slowly.
Don't go 'full on' with them. Chasing them with texts afterwards will infuriate some guys too. Try playing it cooler, 8 texts in one day would annoy me. I don't think I have ever even sent my husband 8 texts in one day.
You seem to be on the forums with similar problems from time to time. Try taking a break from guys altogether and come back refreshed. Going from one guy to the next to the next emotionally must be exhausting.
The right guy will come along when you least expect it.
Look after yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I wasn’t looking for anything when this guy came about though. I didn’t seek him out or search for him. I wasn’t speaking to anyone. Was in my own bubble and content. He came to my home to do work in May then took it upon himself to add me on Instagram and fb and exchanged numbers but it was all him. I tried to keep myself distanced from it but he genuinely seemed so sincere. Saying stuff like he can feel himself falling for me or stupid stuff like saying he was watching a certain film the other day and it made him miss having a girlfriend and being in love. The conversations between us were everything but sex chat, there was none of that. He did seem different to everyone else. It was more a personality based attraction for me cos he wasn’t physically my usual type which is over 6ft, obscenely handsome and all the rest of it.
I thought right this is pretty organic, he’s not off any site he’s a dude that’s just seen me in the flesh in real life and pursued me. Also with regards to the messaging, he used to message me from the moment he woke up, partly through the day when he was working then after like tea time he would be flat out messaging till about 2 the next morning and that was every day for a month. To go from all that to nothing I’m obviously gonna notice the shift. |
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"I wasn’t looking for anything when this guy came about though. I didn’t seek him out or search for him. I wasn’t speaking to anyone. Was in my own bubble and content. He came to my home to do work in May then took it upon himself to add me on Instagram and fb and exchanged numbers but it was all him. I tried to keep myself distanced from it but he genuinely seemed so sincere. Saying stuff like he can feel himself falling for me or stupid stuff like saying he was watching a certain film the other day and it made him miss having a girlfriend and being in love. The conversations between us were everything but sex chat, there was none of that. He did seem different to everyone else. It was more a personality based attraction for me cos he wasn’t physically my usual type which is over 6ft, obscenely handsome and all the rest of it.
I thought right this is pretty organic, he’s not off any site he’s a dude that’s just seen me in the flesh in real life and pursued me. Also with regards to the messaging, he used to message me from the moment he woke up, partly through the day when he was working then after like tea time he would be flat out messaging till about 2 the next morning and that was every day for a month. To go from all that to nothing I’m obviously gonna notice the shift. "
Ahhh well he's been an arse then.
Forget him and enjoy some time out doing girly stuff with your friends.
Be patient and you never know when Mr Right will turn up. |
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"You really don't.
Personally I love quite freely, openly and easily. I love to love and give people my all. It means I grt hurt more but I always think its worth it. The trick is knowing who no longer deserves your efforts and affections. "
This is so true. There are good, kind people out there so you just need to find one.
One of my colleagues said she always chose the wrong sort of man so her friends chose someone for her. I don't think they got married but stayed together for a while and it helped her to gain confidence in who she is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wasn’t looking for anything when this guy came about though. I didn’t seek him out or search for him. I wasn’t speaking to anyone. Was in my own bubble and content. He came to my home to do work in May then took it upon himself to add me on Instagram and fb and exchanged numbers but it was all him. I tried to keep myself distanced from it but he genuinely seemed so sincere. Saying stuff like he can feel himself falling for me or stupid stuff like saying he was watching a certain film the other day and it made him miss having a girlfriend and being in love. The conversations between us were everything but sex chat, there was none of that. He did seem different to everyone else. It was more a personality based attraction for me cos he wasn’t physically my usual type which is over 6ft, obscenely handsome and all the rest of it.
I thought right this is pretty organic, he’s not off any site he’s a dude that’s just seen me in the flesh in real life and pursued me. Also with regards to the messaging, he used to message me from the moment he woke up, partly through the day when he was working then after like tea time he would be flat out messaging till about 2 the next morning and that was every day for a month. To go from all that to nothing I’m obviously gonna notice the shift. "
How much time did you spend together doing normal stuff before you fucked? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I’ve got childhood trauma I know this. A lot of my issues come from child abandonment. Two people could have had the same starts in life but one could choose the path of becoming very compassionate and not wanting anyone around them to feel pain and the other could take the path of taking their anger out on the world and putting themselves first all the time. I took the first path. I’m very altruistic, even with my sexual preferences I’ve noticed, what with me wanting to bath guys and all the rest of it, very much a giver and that’s reflected in all aspects of my life.
Take this guy right he said to me many times how stunning I was and that I must get loads of attention from guys blah blah blah, yeah I do, like ALL the time, even in normal situations like going to Morrison’s the security guard asked for my number. I have guys inboxing me on fb daily trying it on. This guy didn’t need to know all that though. I told him no I don’t get attention all the time and I don’t really notice if I do or not. I didn’t want him to feel like he was in competition with anyone. What I should’ve said and what I will say in future is maybe I do maybe I don’t and be playful with it. I wanted him to feel secure and reassured that he didn’t have to worry about anything and that I’m loyal and all the rest of it.
It don’t fucking get you nowhere though. I don’t like the thought of anyone feeling bad because of my actions so when I’m actually interested in someone I make sure they know that I’m interested in them and they don’t have to second guess anything. It does you no favours though, I don’t believe in bull shit or games but wearing your heart on your sleeve just means it’s exposed to harm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Annie, you need to just be you. Don’t worry about what he’ll think/do/say, it try to protect someone else, be yourself.
You can’t control what someone else says/does/thinks, only your reaction to it. |
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From what im reading you had a user
Im not going to say much as many have said it already.
but his hard push for you should have set your alarm bells ringing
Work is work my dear mixing work with pleasure is not always a good thing though it can work sometimes.
I dont want to be saying this but I suspect hes bragging with his mates now A total dick if i might say myself.
Its kinda what you hear often around building sites ive heard them all.
You read as if you have a wonderful heart a kind sole.
Keep your heart and keep being you your more worth it than you might know.
Someone that takes a risk from the norm (list) dont let this one person put you off
Personally I think hes an idiot your someone thats worth keeping and holding onto. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Annie, he wooed you fast to fuck you. And you fell for it
There's nothing else to it"
So how do I differentiate between someone that’s being genuinely nice and someone that’s only saying nice stuff so they can fuck me. Kind of feels like you’re saying it’s my fault or I allowed it.
I didn’t talk about sexual things with him, our conversations were about general stuff, funny things, kind things and mushy stuff he would say to me. He didn’t ask for rude pictures. I thought he was genuine.
Saying things like I fell for it suggests that I’m some kind of idiot and makes me want to put up massive defences so I’m not fooled again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I don’t think you should be like that, that sounds like a miserable and horrible way to be. You need to meet the right person, and I know this is easier said than done, but you need to find someone who loves you for who you are "
This 100%
Also you shouldn’t change for anyone. You are lovely the way you are. |
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?"
I don’t think your heart ever hardens but you do stop relying on other people for the happiness and joy in your life, which is quite liberating.
My advice OP is be who you are, expect nothing, give as much as you are willing and be pleasantly surprised when people respond in kind.
Find out what makes you happy, it’s seldom another person (although they can enhance your happiness), its usually reaching some kind of epiphany which starts out with the idea “I am still a whole person, whether I am alone or in a relationship “ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How many times does one have to experience emotional pain before your heart finally says ‘enough’ and just hardens completely or turns to ice?
I’m stuck in a cycle of meeting guys, getting hurt by guys, I know the universe is trying to make me learn a lesson and keeps making me repeat this shit till I learn from it but I wanna know when the hardness will kick in.
You’d think after each painful experience I’d get harder but I don’t, I just hurt more.
I want to be emotionally cold with zero tolerance for bull shit.
How do people tap into that?
I don’t think your heart ever hardens but you do stop relying on other people for the happiness and joy in your life, which is quite liberating.
My advice OP is be who you are, expect nothing, give as much as you are willing and be pleasantly surprised when people respond in kind.
Find out what makes you happy, it’s seldom another person (although they can enhance your happiness), its usually reaching some kind of epiphany which starts out with the idea “I am still a whole person, whether I am alone or in a relationship “ "
I like this. After all the highs, the angst and miseries it all boils down being happy with yourself and who you are as a person alone, without the need of others as props. |
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Do you think that perhaps your approach to the situation is wrong? Instead of saying 'I'll do this until I don't care anymore.' instead ask why it is happening.
I think maybe on some subconscious level you could want this, which is why it keeps happening. |
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"Please try not to change. It’s THEM with the problem, not you.
In the ‘real‘ world I’ve struggled with women who are angry and defensive due to being badly hurt in the past. My niceness (their description!) is welcomed for a while but then they just shut down when their feelings develop, and I end up being treated like crap.
I could easily act cold, or hard-hearted, but unfortunately I wear my heart on my sleeve. I think it’s a good thing. Someone out there deserves me, and I’ll live happily ever after. So will you x"
Yeah, so many total arses in the world, they're hard to avoid, you just have to live in hope. |
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