FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Putting yourself down
Putting yourself down
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done "
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not so much offended, but incredulous that they can see so many faults. I’m very quick to defend their body , yet like you my own is fair game for my derision x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm. "
I love this proverb, so true though. We view the word through our own demons, once you conquer them they can do no harm  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you take two people with big bums.
Person A might hate theirs and will say it doesn't look good.
But if you ask person A about Person Bs bum, they'll say it's a great bum and they'd be happy if theirs looked like that.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have a horrifically low opinion of myself and will put myself down constantly
As others have said above, I get saddened by others doing the same to themselves (and yet see no contradiction in that) but I don't think that they would see me negatively, or at least not any more negatively, simply because of what they don't like about themselves.
I hope that makes sense |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm. "
I like this  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes? "
Hell no!!!im sexy as fuck...   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Maybe I'm just a little over sensitive.
Generally speaking, I'm not bothered what other people think of me. But it really boils my piss, I can't help it lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm.
I like this "
Great proverb |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’ve used mine as a defence mechanism since the school days, I figure if I rip on myself I’ll get there before others do "
I think I used to do that, but as a habit it's become so ingrained that it's now becoming a massive problem as it undermines my confidence in having relationships, or even just relating to other people  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Maybe I'm just a little over sensitive.
Generally speaking, I'm not bothered what other people think of me. But it really boils my piss, I can't help it lol"
I dont even think of you as fat , thin, average or any of that.
I see you as Lu , an amazing person and someone I call a friend |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm.
I love this proverb, so true though. We view the word through our own demons, once you conquer them they can do no harm "
You'd love Dubois's double consciousness theory then. We have a sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others and that's where we create our own demons.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm not keen on seeing people displaying all their insecurities and vulnerabilities on here
Others will exploit that"
Depends on how you view it and on the person in general. I used to hide my insecurities and vulnerabilities and in turn it actually made me more so. Since I'm more open about them and not ashamed of them, for me personally that has emboldened me. And as I've learnt to accept and deal with them, people are less able to exploit me. Though I admit this isn't true for everyone |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think coz when it comes to others we wouldn't dream about changing things about them, as those are the things that make them them.
However... if it's someone I don't like, I'll view those things as negatives. If it's someone I do like, I'll view those things as positives.
Same goes for me, if I'm unhappy in life then I'll feel far worse and uglier than if I'm happy.
So, I suppose it's completely true what they say.... true beauty comes from within, whether that's on a personal level regarding ourselves or how we perceive others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Maybe I'm just a little over sensitive.
Generally speaking, I'm not bothered what other people think of me. But it really boils my piss, I can't help it lol
I dont even think of you as fat , thin, average or any of that.
I see you as Lu , an amazing person and someone I call a friend "
Awwww you!
This means so much!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Maybe I'm just a little over sensitive.
Generally speaking, I'm not bothered what other people think of me. But it really boils my piss, I can't help it lol
I dont even think of you as fat , thin, average or any of that.
I see you as Lu , an amazing person and someone I call a friend
Awwww you!
This means so much!
"
ya |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm.
I love this proverb, so true though. We view the word through our own demons, once you conquer them they can do no harm
You'd love Dubois's double consciousness theory then. We have a sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others and that's where we create our own demons.
"
Going to look that up, because that is exactly what I think. I believe it's the removal of the shackles of others viewpoints is where the path to acceptance and happiness lays |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I declared myself the best at something at work yesterday to a manager and he said "modest much?"
No, I'm not modest if I know I'm good at stuff but I'm also not a dick. I'm very aware confidence is attractive to many and simply own what I've got/am. This is new in the last 3ish years, though I don't plan to turn back.
My worst area for self critique is probably parenting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm.
I love this proverb, so true though. We view the word through our own demons, once you conquer them they can do no harm
You'd love Dubois's double consciousness theory then. We have a sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others and that's where we create our own demons.
Going to look that up, because that is exactly what I think. I believe it's the removal of the shackles of others viewpoints is where the path to acceptance and happiness lays"
It is a theory that has been developed in a particular context and was about the consciousness of black ppl living in white America but it definitely can be extended to that topic and seems to fit perfectly as well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm.
I love this proverb, so true though. We view the word through our own demons, once you conquer them they can do no harm
You'd love Dubois's double consciousness theory then. We have a sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others and that's where we create our own demons.
Going to look that up, because that is exactly what I think. I believe it's the removal of the shackles of others viewpoints is where the path to acceptance and happiness lays
It is a theory that has been developed in a particular context and was about the consciousness of black ppl living in white America but it definitely can be extended to that topic and seems to fit perfectly as well. "
Interesting, your knowledge on theories and philosophy far outweighs mine. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I have spent my entire life putting myself down for my body, since I was 8 and my mother's best friend kindly pointed out that I was fat and I'd never find a husband unless I did something about it.
As a result, I've tended to attract those who do the same, and have spent most of my relationships being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused because I believed I didn't deserve any better.
It's a long road back from that, and seeing others, especially those I perceive to be body and face beautiful putting themselves down doesn't help, because I always think "if she thinks she's fat/large/ample (or whatever the word they choose) then I must be enormous and horrific"
It would be a wonderful world if we could just put aside our own demons fully and embrace ourselves, but sadly that isn't the case for a lot of us.
And there are plenty of people out there who for whatever reason enjoy preying on the vulnerability and "bad points" of others, whether to make themselves feel better, appear "big and clever" to their peers or just to be cruel. These people either do or don't realise that the hurtful words of a stranger stick with people far longer than the kind words of a friend. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes? "
Never offended by people who feel the need to say negative things about themselves, after all its only a label and they change everyday depending on mood.
In my friend's cases I can tell if they are struggling by the way they word things on threads and that will prompt me to see if they need a chat  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve used mine as a defence mechanism since the school days, I figure if I rip on myself I’ll get there before others do
I think I used to do that, but as a habit it's become so ingrained that it's now becoming a massive problem as it undermines my confidence in having relationships, or even just relating to other people "
I was playing in a band with another band from America and they couldn’t believe myself and the other guitarist were friends the way we ripped into each other, I guess in that situation it was banter but to the outside eye they were shocked |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have spent my entire life putting myself down for my body, since I was 8 and my mother's best friend kindly pointed out that I was fat and I'd never find a husband unless I did something about it.
As a result, I've tended to attract those who do the same, and have spent most of my relationships being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused because I believed I didn't deserve any better.
It's a long road back from that, and seeing others, especially those I perceive to be body and face beautiful putting themselves down doesn't help, because I always think "if she thinks she's fat/large/ample (or whatever the word they choose) then I must be enormous and horrific"
It would be a wonderful world if we could just put aside our own demons fully and embrace ourselves, but sadly that isn't the case for a lot of us.
And there are plenty of people out there who for whatever reason enjoy preying on the vulnerability and "bad points" of others, whether to make themselves feel better, appear "big and clever" to their peers or just to be cruel. These people either do or don't realise that the hurtful words of a stranger stick with people far longer than the kind words of a friend. "
This rings true with me, my dad used to say I was like the back end of a bus from an early age. The ex husband said I was lucky to have him blah blah blah. These people said all that bull shit because of their own insecurities and of how they view the world and what is important to them. But what is relatively recent to me is so what they are twats, they can only hurt me if I allow it. Not saying I'm always successful, but I've come along way. And dare I admit some days now I'll say damn it you look good. And I think that I've become a lot more comfortable in my own skin recently. And my goodness doesn't that half terrify those who'd pull me down. You're beautiful posh, know that may fall on deaf ears, but you totally are x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm sometimes offended when ppl try to offend me but often not. When they don't even try it would be silly reaction now wouldn't it.... "
Not sure I agree it's a silly reaction.
When you've been told your entire life that your body is wrong, that's hard to shake off. Even harder when others are reaffirming that something is wrong when they speak of themselves I think. But that's just me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others."
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure."
At least you know so can work on it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure."
Oi mrs, go back up and read my comment!
You're one of the beauties. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't find it offensive; we all have our own issues and sometimes we're our own worst critics. Say for example I say I'm fat or look like the Michelin Man (both of which are true). I'm not saying that I think those larger than me are those things. It's me voicing my own beliefs/insecurities. Much like Incandescent I can see the beauty in others regardless of shape of size, I have a harder time seeing it in myself because of childhood comments from family etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
Oi mrs, go back up and read my comment!
You're one of the beauties."
As are you! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't find it offensive; we all have our own issues and sometimes we're our own worst critics. Say for example I say I'm fat or look like the Michelin Man (both of which are true). I'm not saying that I think those larger than me are those things. It's me voicing my own beliefs/insecurities. Much like Incandescent I can see the beauty in others regardless of shape of size, I have a harder time seeing it in myself because of childhood comments from family etc. "
I'm much the same. But I'm so mindful of what I say about myself for fear of offending someone else.
I wouldn't want someone to think I think there's something wrong with them because of something I dislike about myself. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have spent my entire life putting myself down for my body, since I was 8 and my mother's best friend kindly pointed out that I was fat and I'd never find a husband unless I did something about it.
As a result, I've tended to attract those who do the same, and have spent most of my relationships being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused because I believed I didn't deserve any better.
It's a long road back from that, and seeing others, especially those I perceive to be body and face beautiful putting themselves down doesn't help, because I always think "if she thinks she's fat/large/ample (or whatever the word they choose) then I must be enormous and horrific"
It would be a wonderful world if we could just put aside our own demons fully and embrace ourselves, but sadly that isn't the case for a lot of us.
And there are plenty of people out there who for whatever reason enjoy preying on the vulnerability and "bad points" of others, whether to make themselves feel better, appear "big and clever" to their peers or just to be cruel. These people either do or don't realise that the hurtful words of a stranger stick with people far longer than the kind words of a friend.
This rings true with me, my dad used to say I was like the back end of a bus from an early age. The ex husband said I was lucky to have him blah blah blah. These people said all that bull shit because of their own insecurities and of how they view the world and what is important to them. But what is relatively recent to me is so what they are twats, they can only hurt me if I allow it. Not saying I'm always successful, but I've come along way. And dare I admit some days now I'll say damn it you look good. And I think that I've become a lot more comfortable in my own skin recently. And my goodness doesn't that half terrify those who'd pull me down. You're beautiful posh, know that may fall on deaf ears, but you totally are x"
I've got my hearing aid on today  and you're lovely and beautiful.
I always feel weird posting something like this, because I feel like there will be people who think it's attention seeking and fishing for compliments, and that couldn't be further from the truth. But meh. Let them think it I say |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure."
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you.... 
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have spent my entire life putting myself down for my body, since I was 8 and my mother's best friend kindly pointed out that I was fat and I'd never find a husband unless I did something about it.
As a result, I've tended to attract those who do the same, and have spent most of my relationships being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused because I believed I didn't deserve any better.
It's a long road back from that, and seeing others, especially those I perceive to be body and face beautiful putting themselves down doesn't help, because I always think "if she thinks she's fat/large/ample (or whatever the word they choose) then I must be enormous and horrific"
It would be a wonderful world if we could just put aside our own demons fully and embrace ourselves, but sadly that isn't the case for a lot of us.
And there are plenty of people out there who for whatever reason enjoy preying on the vulnerability and "bad points" of others, whether to make themselves feel better, appear "big and clever" to their peers or just to be cruel. These people either do or don't realise that the hurtful words of a stranger stick with people far longer than the kind words of a friend.
This rings true with me, my dad used to say I was like the back end of a bus from an early age. The ex husband said I was lucky to have him blah blah blah. These people said all that bull shit because of their own insecurities and of how they view the world and what is important to them. But what is relatively recent to me is so what they are twats, they can only hurt me if I allow it. Not saying I'm always successful, but I've come along way. And dare I admit some days now I'll say damn it you look good. And I think that I've become a lot more comfortable in my own skin recently. And my goodness doesn't that half terrify those who'd pull me down. You're beautiful posh, know that may fall on deaf ears, but you totally are x
I've got my hearing aid on today and you're lovely and beautiful.
I always feel weird posting something like this, because I feel like there will be people who think it's attention seeking and fishing for compliments, and that couldn't be further from the truth. But meh. Let them think it I say "
Don't you dare not post. How can someone read someone else's mind to determine if they are expressing their own reality Vs attention seeking? If I think they are attention seeking I'll ignore them, I wouldn't comment as if they weren't attention seeking I wouldn't want to be a twat and make them feel even worse about themselves. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho...."
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have spent my entire life putting myself down for my body, since I was 8 and my mother's best friend kindly pointed out that I was fat and I'd never find a husband unless I did something about it.
As a result, I've tended to attract those who do the same, and have spent most of my relationships being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused because I believed I didn't deserve any better.
It's a long road back from that, and seeing others, especially those I perceive to be body and face beautiful putting themselves down doesn't help, because I always think "if she thinks she's fat/large/ample (or whatever the word they choose) then I must be enormous and horrific"
It would be a wonderful world if we could just put aside our own demons fully and embrace ourselves, but sadly that isn't the case for a lot of us.
And there are plenty of people out there who for whatever reason enjoy preying on the vulnerability and "bad points" of others, whether to make themselves feel better, appear "big and clever" to their peers or just to be cruel. These people either do or don't realise that the hurtful words of a stranger stick with people far longer than the kind words of a friend.
This rings true with me, my dad used to say I was like the back end of a bus from an early age. The ex husband said I was lucky to have him blah blah blah. These people said all that bull shit because of their own insecurities and of how they view the world and what is important to them. But what is relatively recent to me is so what they are twats, they can only hurt me if I allow it. Not saying I'm always successful, but I've come along way. And dare I admit some days now I'll say damn it you look good. And I think that I've become a lot more comfortable in my own skin recently. And my goodness doesn't that half terrify those who'd pull me down. You're beautiful posh, know that may fall on deaf ears, but you totally are x
I've got my hearing aid on today and you're lovely and beautiful.
I always feel weird posting something like this, because I feel like there will be people who think it's attention seeking and fishing for compliments, and that couldn't be further from the truth. But meh. Let them think it I say "
Don't hate the haters, show them the way... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference."
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording.... "
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording....
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it. "
Do you recognise perception as the cause....? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording....
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it. "
To elaborate...if someone says they are ugly because they are fat, in my mind they are saying fat is ugly. That's an insult to fat people. Doesn't matter that it's directed at them and no one else.
If someone was to say they're ugly because of their dark skin, that would be racist, right? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have spent my entire life putting myself down for my body, since I was 8 and my mother's best friend kindly pointed out that I was fat and I'd never find a husband unless I did something about it.
As a result, I've tended to attract those who do the same, and have spent most of my relationships being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused because I believed I didn't deserve any better.
It's a long road back from that, and seeing others, especially those I perceive to be body and face beautiful putting themselves down doesn't help, because I always think "if she thinks she's fat/large/ample (or whatever the word they choose) then I must be enormous and horrific"
It would be a wonderful world if we could just put aside our own demons fully and embrace ourselves, but sadly that isn't the case for a lot of us.
And there are plenty of people out there who for whatever reason enjoy preying on the vulnerability and "bad points" of others, whether to make themselves feel better, appear "big and clever" to their peers or just to be cruel. These people either do or don't realise that the hurtful words of a stranger stick with people far longer than the kind words of a friend.
This rings true with me, my dad used to say I was like the back end of a bus from an early age. The ex husband said I was lucky to have him blah blah blah. These people said all that bull shit because of their own insecurities and of how they view the world and what is important to them. But what is relatively recent to me is so what they are twats, they can only hurt me if I allow it. Not saying I'm always successful, but I've come along way. And dare I admit some days now I'll say damn it you look good. And I think that I've become a lot more comfortable in my own skin recently. And my goodness doesn't that half terrify those who'd pull me down. You're beautiful posh, know that may fall on deaf ears, but you totally are x
I've got my hearing aid on today and you're lovely and beautiful.
I always feel weird posting something like this, because I feel like there will be people who think it's attention seeking and fishing for compliments, and that couldn't be further from the truth. But meh. Let them think it I say
Don't hate the haters, show them the way... "
To Amarillo? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording....
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it.
To elaborate...if someone says they are ugly because they are fat, in my mind they are saying fat is ugly. That's an insult to fat people. Doesn't matter that it's directed at them and no one else.
If someone was to say they're ugly because of their dark skin, that would be racist, right? "
I think your perception is skewed. They've not offended you, you've taken offence, innit.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording....
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it.
Do you recognise perception as the cause....?"
Of course, in many cases.
I merely disagree that I'm "silly" for being offended. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording....
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it.
To elaborate...if someone says they are ugly because they are fat, in my mind they are saying fat is ugly. That's an insult to fat people. Doesn't matter that it's directed at them and no one else.
If someone was to say they're ugly because of their dark skin, that would be racist, right?
I think your perception is skewed. They've not offended you, you've taken offence, innit.... "
 I think you're just arguing for the sake of arguing so I'll leave it there. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it.
To elaborate...if someone says they are ugly because they are fat, in my mind they are saying fat is ugly. That's an insult to fat people. Doesn't matter that it's directed at them and no one else.
If someone was to say they're ugly because of their dark skin, that would be racist, right? "
This is something I've spent a long time struggling with, and it is indeed about perception. They might not mean it like that at all but it's how we take the comment.
What one person finds ugly in themselves they may find beautiful in another, but by voicing their thoughts they've inadvertently hurt someone else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it.
To elaborate...if someone says they are ugly because they are fat, in my mind they are saying fat is ugly. That's an insult to fat people. Doesn't matter that it's directed at them and no one else.
If someone was to say they're ugly because of their dark skin, that would be racist, right?
This is something I've spent a long time struggling with, and it is indeed about perception. They might not mean it like that at all but it's how we take the comment.
What one person finds ugly in themselves they may find beautiful in another, but by voicing their thoughts they've inadvertently hurt someone else. "
Exactly! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A school time of being told I was too big or chunky to ever make it as a dancer plus being encouraged by teachers to develop eating disorders in order to keep thin and delay puberty means I have problems with thinking my own body is, well, nice. However when I look at my friends both slim and large I really can appreciate their beauty so it’s not always the case OP that self deprecatory comments also mean a problem with others.
Oh I know! There are lots of things I hate about my own body, that I think nothing of on other people. I know they're not trying to insult me, and that often they'd not even think anything was wrong with me. It's just how I take it...its my issue for sure.
As far as I understood the OP, they've not gone out of their way to deliberately offend you though, so while I can see you might feel sad or hurt, I don't see how you can actually take offense at something that's not been said with the purpose of offending you....
Reading offence into innocent, sad situations is just gonna exaggerate those feelings and make them more difficult to heal imho....
It's quite easy to be offended or hurt upon hearing something you believe to be true about yourself, however it's directed or wherever it's coming from.
The intention matters, but it doesn't always make a difference.
So it's not offence then it's more hurt, which I get. Offence is something entirely different in my dictionary, I was just pointing out the wording....
Offended...resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
My wording was correct. I'm often offended by it.
To elaborate...if someone says they are ugly because they are fat, in my mind they are saying fat is ugly. That's an insult to fat people. Doesn't matter that it's directed at them and no one else.
If someone was to say they're ugly because of their dark skin, that would be racist, right?
I think your perception is skewed. They've not offended you, you've taken offence, innit....
I think you're just arguing for the sake of arguing so I'll leave it there. "
I was just trying to encourage you to think positively about others and yourself with a production perception, since perception seems to be at the centre of the topic. Most folk don't get out if bed in the morning thinking right imma go and offend someone, so what use is it to be upset by them - it perpetuates the problem. Genuinely, no offence intended and I'll shush now.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes? "
Everyone’s always perma-offended. So you have no problem with your own shape but are offended when someone is unhappy with their own. That’s some stunning logic |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The thing I noticed about me was the things I had the strongest reactions to in other people were disowned parts of me. All part of what Carl Jung called my shadow.
For me the idea has two parts the golden shadow and the destructive shadow (I think Ken Wilber coined the distinction or borrowed it from someone else).
My golden shadow is the very best parts of me that I disown and project onto others. When I am overly admiring of a particular quality in others and put them on a pedestal that is my Golden Shadow at work.
Similarly those things I disown, dislike or loathe about myself or simply see as ‘not me’ because of my values I also project onto others. This projection turns another human into the object of my loathing.
So integrating my disowned bits, valuing my own worth and radically accepting myself I see as dissolving and transforming my enemy within and others stop looking like my enemy too.
Self compassion begets compassion
Self forgiveness begets forgiveness
Self kindness begets kindness
Radically accepting and having compassion for all parts of me is like a daily act of kindness to my self and hopefully that then impacts my ‘world’ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm. "
.... and oh so true |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
Everyone’s always perma-offended. So you have no problem with your own shape but are offended when someone is unhappy with their own. That’s some stunning logic "
Not really what I said is it?
If someone insults something about themselves that is the same for me, I consider it an insult to me also.
Makes no odds to me if they're unhappy with their shape, unless they are saying, in front of me that their shape is wrong.
You seem awfully offended by my OP, which is amusing given your response.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is probably off discussion but the amount of people I notice put themselves down on here is remarkable.
You are all beautiful in your own way and nobody needs to validate it for you but yourself.
Peace and Love to all |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes? "
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same. "
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's something I've tried to stop doing, mostly because I realise the knock on effects it can have on others.
It's sometimes a difficult balance with cultural expectations of self-deprecation/ modesty.
Cutting down on the stream of self hatred also helps my mental health. I don't have to tell myself I'm wonderful, just not engage in the self hatred. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both "
Join me in the Twat group |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both "
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I often put myself down, or berate myself, if it's just on my own, this will usually be to do with work, goals I've set for myself and things like that. When it comes to the way I look and/or with other people, I don't put myself down as such, but often use humour to deflect whatever insecurity I'm having on that day or moment. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both "
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ...... that gives clarity xx
Not the twat bit ... the first bit. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I dont think this answers the question at all but I have stopped saying anything negative at all about my body. Having children that will then repeat the negativity, but about themselves was a bit of a shocker, and made me incredibly sad. I wouldnt be offended at all by hearing a persons negative body image, it would be more my first thought to say there is nothing wrong with the way they look. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both "
I think that maybe a rationalisation. I think it is possible others are mirroring your own un conscious feelings back to you, of course I maybe wrong too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I dont think this answers the question at all but I have stopped saying anything negative at all about my body. Having children that will then repeat the negativity, but about themselves was a bit of a shocker, and made me incredibly sad. I wouldnt be offended at all by hearing a persons negative body image, it would be more my first thought to say there is nothing wrong with the way they look. "
I don't have kids, but I definitely see the reverberation of body image issues through my family. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done
African proverb
If there is no enemy inside, the enemies outside can do us no harm.
I love this proverb, so true though. We view the word through our own demons, once you conquer them they can do no harm
You'd love Dubois's double consciousness theory then. We have a sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others and that's where we create our own demons.
"
This won't do. Melons and arseholes can't type about themselves. Let F n B out of the cupboard. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too.... "
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ...... that gives clarity xx
Not the twat bit ... the first bit. "
I'm definitely a bit of a twat tho |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them. "
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them.
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other. "
Thank you
I think this is why I'm so sensitive to it all tbh. I know how certain things make me feel, so I'm SO mindful of not offending anyone, it's good though, it's making me less harsh on myself.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them.
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other.
Thank you
I think this is why I'm so sensitive to it all tbh. I know how certain things make me feel, so I'm SO mindful of not offending anyone, it's good though, it's making me less harsh on myself.
"
Didn't realize who you were until I looked at your profile....
Still waiting for my sketch.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them.
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other.
Thank you
I think this is why I'm so sensitive to it all tbh. I know how certain things make me feel, so I'm SO mindful of not offending anyone, it's good though, it's making me less harsh on myself.
Didn't realize who you were until I looked at your profile....
Still waiting for my sketch...."
Ha! I'll see what I can do |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I definitely see what you are getting at. Especially when the person who is slimmer than I am saying they are ugly because they are fat. And it used to make me wonder what on earth do they think of me?
But I've come to realise people are often their own worst enemies. And will berate themselves more than they would others. And this goes for looks as well as if someone makes a mistake in work for example.
Think the thing is as with most things in life, is not to take offense when none was meant. Even though it's easier said than done "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them.
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other.
Thank you
I think this is why I'm so sensitive to it all tbh. I know how certain things make me feel, so I'm SO mindful of not offending anyone, it's good though, it's making me less harsh on myself.
"
That makes sense and it probably does underpin why you react so strongly to those two things in particular. Cancer of any sort is a horrible illness and breast cancer is particularly so for women as the visible signs of the battle are so visible on a part of the body that was much cherished. Loving our bodies is the only way to heal. Seeing the wonder of the human spirit in our scars and being grateful for each moment we have is something which your post just brought up for me. Much love x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them.
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other.
Thank you
I think this is why I'm so sensitive to it all tbh. I know how certain things make me feel, so I'm SO mindful of not offending anyone, it's good though, it's making me less harsh on myself.
That makes sense and it probably does underpin why you react so strongly to those two things in particular. Cancer of any sort is a horrible illness and breast cancer is particularly so for women as the visible signs of the battle are so visible on a part of the body that was much cherished. Loving our bodies is the only way to heal. Seeing the wonder of the human spirit in our scars and being grateful for each moment we have is something which your post just brought up for me. Much love x"
Thank you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now when it comes to self deprication, I'm well versed, and though I refer to myself at fatty mc fat fat (please don't tell me otherwise, you're just blowing smoke up my arse and I don't like it), I dont see that as a negative word.
However, when I see other people knocking themselves, and by this I mean speaking negatively, saying something is wrong, I find it offensive.
If there's something wrong with your chunky thighs, you must think mine are wrong too?
Is it just me who struggles with this? Or are you offended by the way people speak about themselves sometimes?
When someone speaks about themselves, maybe listen to them. You don't have to respond if you don't want to but making it about yourself is your own doing.
Or think about it this way. You allow yourself an opinion on your own body - grant them the same.
I don't have an issue with people disliking their bodies or anything about themselves.
I have an issue with people saying something is wrong with their bodies.
I hate my breasts, but there's nothing wrong with them. I hate my scars, but I wouldn't say they're disgusting, because that implies I think scars are disgusting...and I don't, I just dislike mine.
Maybe I worded my OP wrong.
Or maybe I'm just a twat?
Maybe both
So why is it you hate them then if there's nothing wrong with them? Hate is such a strong word too....
Well, they've tried to kill lol
Breast cancer and other resulting wonkiness and scars left behind led me to a deep hatred for my breasts.
Slowly I am working on it, and it effects me a lot less these days, but yeah, I hate them. I know there's nothing "wrong" with them, my scars tell a story, and they show my strength, blah blah blah...but I really struggle to look at them.
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you've come through it and you're getting there. I'm sorry for being a twat. How little we all know about each other.
Thank you
I think this is why I'm so sensitive to it all tbh. I know how certain things make me feel, so I'm SO mindful of not offending anyone, it's good though, it's making me less harsh on myself.
Didn't realize who you were until I looked at your profile....
Still waiting for my sketch...."
I just realised too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
They say Love the Skin your in. Don't worry about what others think. But if you surround yrself with positive people they lift u up and feel better. If yr with others who think less you become that way. Try to be positive think positivity and what makes you happy in Life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn't say I feel offended when this happens. I tend to just sympathise with them and encourage them to be kinder to themselves.
I'm constantly picking myself apart and I can be so cruel to myself because of my weight and how I look, but I never ever judge or look at someone else the way I do to myself. It's quite odd. I think we are our own worst enemy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I wouldn't say I feel offended when this happens. I tend to just sympathise with them and encourage them to be kinder to themselves.
I'm constantly picking myself apart and I can be so cruel to myself because of my weight and how I look, but I never ever judge or look at someone else the way I do to myself. It's quite odd. I think we are our own worst enemy. "
That's really normal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
I put myself down all the time.
Part of it is a self-defense mechanism, part is just showing my humour.
Some of it is to show that it's OK to talk to me about that subject.
Im still one of the nicest guys on this site.
Take it or leave it - i am who i am.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Self deprecation is the norm.
If you openly say you think you're great or (may the thought either on my lips) even attractive you'll get flamed.
I don't find self deprecation offensive but I do think it's often a way of fishing for compliments or a sign of low self esteem and can be very wearing for the person listening to it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
