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The world is filled with nice people...
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if you can't find one, be one
I find sometimes I can be so wrapped up in the perceived it's not fair the world is against me that I think everyone is mean to me. And in turn I believe this leads to bitter thoughts in my head.
But like they say it costs nothing to smile at someone or give someone a nice compliment. I think there are loads of lovely people in the world, and I truly think we attract those of we ourselves are nice. And even if the world is a crappy place being nice feels nice. Like the patron Saint Wales said, "do the little things in life"
Not many questions as such, I know I can be melodramatic, what is it you do to give your own head a wobble? Do you think positively means you live a more positive life?  |
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I tell myself "let it go" is it important? Is it really impacting my life? (Heck, sing it like Elsa if it makes you smile!)
And the old adage "those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"
 |
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You can still find positives in negative situations.
I'm not a positive thinker, I'm a realist. I'm aware of all the yuk in the world but also appreciate the beauty too.
I try to focus on things I may have learnt from the yuk but that can be consuming when it's "unfair".
So, I share my shit in the hope that it may help someone else or so others don't feel alone. |
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I like to think I'm generally a happy positive chap, I try to be helpful and friendly. I usually find that most people are good people.
At the moment though, I think that masks are hiding a lot of smiles, certainly I feel that nobody can tell I'm smiling when I've got a mask on.
Cal   |
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"I tell myself "let it go" is it important? Is it really impacting my life? (Heck, sing it like Elsa if it makes you smile!)
And the old adage "those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"
"
Love that quote |
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"You can still find positives in negative situations.
I'm not a positive thinker, I'm a realist. I'm aware of all the yuk in the world but also appreciate the beauty too.
I try to focus on things I may have learnt from the yuk but that can be consuming when it's "unfair".
So, I share my shit in the hope that it may help someone else or so others don't feel alone."
I share my experiences and I own them. Not in a poor me kind of a way similar to you. Love your brutal honesty massively. Think we need to own our past and hopefully not let it hinder our future |
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"I believe that your own outlook determines your experiences. Be bright and positive then 9 times out of 10 that's what you get back. "
Yes exactly this, if you spread negatively you can't always expect those around you to act positively |
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"I like to think I'm generally a happy positive chap, I try to be helpful and friendly. I usually find that most people are good people.
At the moment though, I think that masks are hiding a lot of smiles, certainly I feel that nobody can tell I'm smiling when I've got a mask on.
Cal "
Haha that made me chuckle, but I've always found you guys to be positive people on the forum |
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I don't tend to seek out 'nice' ......
I do believe positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.
I've never ached to be Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm or a Stepford wife.
A freind I like visiting the most is a writer who rails at the moon , the ocean bed and everything inbetween. She's fun, honest, loyal , decent ....... but nice.....
No. Fuck that. |
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I tend to take myself off and sit on a bench on one of the commons local to me, whatever the weather. I find it most effective when it’s windy and rainy. I like the elements to better me and make me feel small and inconsequential.
It reminds me that I’m just a tiny little insignificant bundle of carbon on an enormous planet, that’s part of a broader system that we barely understand. For me, that helps me put my problems back in the box.
I also learned to ‘let it go’ sometime ago, with the help of this song:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wnK3ac0gYbo
I’m not remotely religious at all, but the sentiment of the song remained true for me, in that I was wouldn’t let something go, but was expecting it to get better. That just doesn’t happen! |
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I'm a pretty positive person and like to make happiness in my life, from a small hello to a person who looks down, or a helping hand for a stranger, I believe if I can generate a smile in a person they will do the same and pass a smile onto someone else
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I am a positive person in every regard however I currently spend a lot of time with someone who is the absolute opposite. It has me pondering on why this is as we are indeed father and daughter.
I do know that his full time negativity has a terrible impact on his mental health but he cannot acknowledge that this is a never ending cycle which just ends in misery.
I retain my positive outlook possibly in defiance or as a coping mechanism but it doesn't seem to rub off on his attitude at all.
It highlights that we are all very very different indeed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stepping away from negative people.
I worked for years in a toxic environment, working under the guise of banter.
You can't change the world, but you can change how you participate in it.
Step away from negative people and yiu feel so much better.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s beautiful Frida .
It’s so true. It’s so easy to smile, give a genuine compliment .
I am a positive person, and I try to practice gratitude. It’s not always easy though, and there are times when it’s hard, so I try and examine the thoughts that are arising, and see what/where they are coming from, to analyse what’s causing it.
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I am generally a good person and try to be nice when I can. Its hard on somewhere like fab because of all the false which is when 'let it be' comes to hand nicely.
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I love being around positive people,always a great vibe! I made a conscious decision years ago to cut off negative people and bullshitters. Best thing I ever done. Now I'm always smiling,to the point where I can look like I'm up to mischief. I'll never say no if I'm asked for help, regardless of what it is,and I'll bend over backwards to help out! In return,I also know that if I need anything,there are loads of people I can turn to! But there are days that can be a bit draining...and when I feel like that I sit and think about everyone in my life. Especially my family. I'm always thankful they're there. Then I give the auld head a virtual wobble and remind myself that there are people a lot worse off than me and I've so much to be grateful for! Then hey presto,I start grinning again!!! I'm my world the glass is always half full!!! Cheers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it so important to always try and look on the bright side. If I start to focus too much on the negative side my depression can spiral quickly. It's quite scary. So, I always try to be positive and surround myself with those type of people too. When I start to get low I take a few moments to find something good to focus on and luckily I mostly always manage to do this.
I am going off my own experience when I say that yes I do beleive that being a more positive person does much more for you than always focusing on the bad stuff. I'm not saying you always have to be a happy ray of sunshine, it's important to let yourself feel sad and it's ok to not always think the world is a wonderful place, but once you start to dwell too much on the bad it can really fuck with you. |
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"I don't tend to seek out 'nice' ......
I do believe positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.
I've never ached to be Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm or a Stepford wife.
A freind I like visiting the most is a writer who rails at the moon , the ocean bed and everything inbetween. She's fun, honest, loyal , decent ....... but nice.....
No. Fuck that. "
I'm no stepford wife and I can rant about random crap. I can be stern and brutally honest. But I do them without being mean and often I hope with long term niceness |
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"I tend to take myself off and sit on a bench on one of the commons local to me, whatever the weather. I find it most effective when it’s windy and rainy. I like the elements to better me and make me feel small and inconsequential.
It reminds me that I’m just a tiny little insignificant bundle of carbon on an enormous planet, that’s part of a broader system that we barely understand. For me, that helps me put my problems back in the box.
I also learned to ‘let it go’ sometime ago, with the help of this song:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wnK3ac0gYbo
I’m not remotely religious at all, but the sentiment of the song remained true for me, in that I was wouldn’t let something go, but was expecting it to get better. That just doesn’t happen! "
I wonder off onto the common I can see from my house, like being up in the mist and clouds. There is something about nature that does ground you I find |
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"I'm a pretty positive person and like to make happiness in my life, from a small hello to a person who looks down, or a helping hand for a stranger, I believe if I can generate a smile in a person they will do the same and pass a smile onto someone else
"
It's a bit like a chain reaction isn't it |
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"I am a positive person in every regard however I currently spend a lot of time with someone who is the absolute opposite. It has me pondering on why this is as we are indeed father and daughter.
I do know that his full time negativity has a terrible impact on his mental health but he cannot acknowledge that this is a never ending cycle which just ends in misery.
I retain my positive outlook possibly in defiance or as a coping mechanism but it doesn't seem to rub off on his attitude at all.
It highlights that we are all very very different indeed."
Other people's negativity is draining, emotional vampires. It's hard to be you around people like that |
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" Stepping away from negative people.
I worked for years in a toxic environment, working under the guise of banter.
You can't change the world, but you can change how you participate in it.
Step away from negative people and yiu feel so much better.
"
Yes deep step away if it causes you hurt. Else you are causing your own unhappiness |
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"That’s beautiful Frida .
It’s so true. It’s so easy to smile, give a genuine compliment .
I am a positive person, and I try to practice gratitude. It’s not always easy though, and there are times when it’s hard, so I try and examine the thoughts that are arising, and see what/where they are coming from, to analyse what’s causing it.
Xx"
Exactly life isn't easy we all stumble occasionally. But we always must self assess, we're the one holding the keys to our own happiness |
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"I don't tend to seek out 'nice' ......
I do believe positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.
I've never ached to be Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm or a Stepford wife.
A freind I like visiting the most is a writer who rails at the moon , the ocean bed and everything inbetween. She's fun, honest, loyal , decent ....... but nice.....
No. Fuck that.
I'm no stepford wife and I can rant about random crap. I can be stern and brutally honest. But I do them without being mean and often I hope with long term niceness "
There's no 'but' .... she's not mean either. |
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"I think I am generally a good person and try to be nice when I can. Its hard on somewhere like fab because of all the false which is when 'let it be' comes to hand nicely.
"
Exactly can be hard, just be nice or as you say "let it be" is a useful mantra |
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people who are overly positive can actually do more harm than good.
Someone I know extremely well was excessively positive, but that meant also not taking real stock of their actions. They floated around in their own bubble of wonder only focussing on what was positive *in their mind*
Lying to people because you don't want to hurt them isn't positive.
Not facing up to reality isn't positive, it's cowardly and uninspiring |
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" Stepping away from negative people.
I worked for years in a toxic environment, working under the guise of banter.
You can't change the world, but you can change how you participate in it.
Step away from negative people and yiu feel so much better.
"
That I do believe in. |
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"I don't tend to seek out 'nice' ......
I do believe positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.
I've never ached to be Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm or a Stepford wife.
A freind I like visiting the most is a writer who rails at the moon , the ocean bed and everything inbetween. She's fun, honest, loyal , decent ....... but nice.....
No. Fuck that.
I'm no stepford wife and I can rant about random crap. I can be stern and brutally honest. But I do them without being mean and often I hope with long term niceness
There's no 'but' .... she's not mean either. "
I meant me not her x |
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"people who are overly positive can actually do more harm than good.
Someone I know extremely well was excessively positive, but that meant also not taking real stock of their actions. They floated around in their own bubble of wonder only focussing on what was positive *in their mind*
Lying to people because you don't want to hurt them isn't positive.
Not facing up to reality isn't positive, it's cowardly and uninspiring "
But being nice doesn't have to mean overly positive though does it? Sorry thinking out loud, but what does nice actually mean? To me it's just being pleasant, but I guess it's one of those words open to interpretation maybe? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think some of the issue at the moment is that we don't find ourselves in our "normal" environment.
Cooped up in home offices, away from colleagues; unable to see relatives or indeed seeing too much of some.
Therefore the ability to be nice to others or indeed be nice to yourself is harder than normal. Or it has become easier to not be "nice" as we have the best excuse to blame poor behaviour on currently.
You can only be yourself and attempt to be the truest version of yourself.
|
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"I love being around positive people,always a great vibe! I made a conscious decision years ago to cut off negative people and bullshitters. Best thing I ever done. Now I'm always smiling,to the point where I can look like I'm up to mischief. I'll never say no if I'm asked for help, regardless of what it is,and I'll bend over backwards to help out! In return,I also know that if I need anything,there are loads of people I can turn to! But there are days that can be a bit draining...and when I feel like that I sit and think about everyone in my life. Especially my family. I'm always thankful they're there. Then I give the auld head a virtual wobble and remind myself that there are people a lot worse off than me and I've so much to be grateful for! Then hey presto,I start grinning again!!! I'm my world the glass is always half full!!! Cheers "
This has made me smile reading this |
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"
I find it so important to always try and look on the bright side. If I start to focus too much on the negative side my depression can spiral quickly. It's quite scary. So, I always try to be positive and surround myself with those type of people too. When I start to get low I take a few moments to find something good to focus on and luckily I mostly always manage to do this.
I am going off my own experience when I say that yes I do beleive that being a more positive person does much more for you than always focusing on the bad stuff. I'm not saying you always have to be a happy ray of sunshine, it's important to let yourself feel sad and it's ok to not always think the world is a wonderful place, but once you start to dwell too much on the bad it can really fuck with you. "
I'm with you LBC it's important to feel the things you do. But for me at least as important not to dwell on them. Otherwise it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Think it's important to understand our own feelings good and bad, to have a rounded balanced life |
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"people who are overly positive can actually do more harm than good.
Someone I know extremely well was excessively positive, but that meant also not taking real stock of their actions. They floated around in their own bubble of wonder only focussing on what was positive *in their mind*
Lying to people because you don't want to hurt them isn't positive.
Not facing up to reality isn't positive, it's cowardly and uninspiring
But being nice doesn't have to mean overly positive though does it? Sorry thinking out loud, but what does nice actually mean? To me it's just being pleasant, but I guess it's one of those words open to interpretation maybe? "
Example.
Someone doesn't meet smokers, absolutely against it and makes it very clear.
This person had met them before when vaping instead of smoking and that was OK.
They'd given up with the vape and started smoking again and had been for ages.
The won't meet smokers person asked them to meet.
Instead of clarifying that they were now a 20 a day plus smoker they never mentioned it, even though they knew the others stance on it.
They genuinely believed that scrubbing themselves within an inch of their life and not smoking for the duration of the meet was being nice, because they would both have an amazing time and that was the most important thing.
I don't see that as being nice, I see it as bang out of order and taking away someone's right to make a choice based on the way things are now.
Because the tactics used were a success and both had a great night the person still can't see the error of their ways.
They thought the effort they went to to hide the truth was them being nice. |
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"I think some of the issue at the moment is that we don't find ourselves in our "normal" environment.
Cooped up in home offices, away from colleagues; unable to see relatives or indeed seeing too much of some.
Therefore the ability to be nice to others or indeed be nice to yourself is harder than normal. Or it has become easier to not be "nice" as we have the best excuse to blame poor behaviour on currently.
You can only be yourself and attempt to be the truest version of yourself.
"
I think that just because it's difficult doesn't absolve people of their actions. And I think it makes them unhappier long term not to acknowledge it's hard and get on with it in a way. My dad was abusive pointed a loaded gun at me at 16, I could have let that experience turn me into a right cruel idiot but I hope I haven't. It's a part of my sad past yes, but I also learnt loads from it. Lockdown is hard yes but lashing out at others isn't going to help anyone in my opinion |
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"people who are overly positive can actually do more harm than good.
Someone I know extremely well was excessively positive, but that meant also not taking real stock of their actions. They floated around in their own bubble of wonder only focussing on what was positive *in their mind*
Lying to people because you don't want to hurt them isn't positive.
Not facing up to reality isn't positive, it's cowardly and uninspiring
But being nice doesn't have to mean overly positive though does it? Sorry thinking out loud, but what does nice actually mean? To me it's just being pleasant, but I guess it's one of those words open to interpretation maybe?
Example.
Someone doesn't meet smokers, absolutely against it and makes it very clear.
This person had met them before when vaping instead of smoking and that was OK.
They'd given up with the vape and started smoking again and had been for ages.
The won't meet smokers person asked them to meet.
Instead of clarifying that they were now a 20 a day plus smoker they never mentioned it, even though they knew the others stance on it.
They genuinely believed that scrubbing themselves within an inch of their life and not smoking for the duration of the meet was being nice, because they would both have an amazing time and that was the most important thing.
I don't see that as being nice, I see it as bang out of order and taking away someone's right to make a choice based on the way things are now.
Because the tactics used were a success and both had a great night the person still can't see the error of their ways.
They thought the effort they went to to hide the truth was them being nice."
I guess my point was, that only focussing on the positive and thinking positively blinded them to not taking responsibility, not telling the truth. |
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I try to be kind as a default. But it's not a position I hold to at all costs. Other values are more important.
And sometimes being nice to person A means causing harm to person B. I try to weigh those decisions carefully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm living embodiment that positive thinking does work, 31yrs ago this month I entered remission from a stage 4 cancer I was told in no uncertain terms I wouldn't survive. My recovery was 50% chemo and the rest positive thinking.
Sadly I couldn't get my son to see that positivity held the key to a happier and successful drug free life, his addiction sadly got the better of him almost 3 weeks ago at the age of 27.
He had everything going for him, the fact that he inherited a lottery jackpot win only complicated his life.
For 12 months I tried to make him see that my way was best and a positive outlook would set him free from his demons.
If only he would've listened we would've been riding our motorbikes in the sun this arvo instead of me receiving flowers from interflora.
|
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"people who are overly positive can actually do more harm than good.
Someone I know extremely well was excessively positive, but that meant also not taking real stock of their actions. They floated around in their own bubble of wonder only focussing on what was positive *in their mind*
Lying to people because you don't want to hurt them isn't positive.
Not facing up to reality isn't positive, it's cowardly and uninspiring
But being nice doesn't have to mean overly positive though does it? Sorry thinking out loud, but what does nice actually mean? To me it's just being pleasant, but I guess it's one of those words open to interpretation maybe?
Example.
Someone doesn't meet smokers, absolutely against it and makes it very clear.
This person had met them before when vaping instead of smoking and that was OK.
They'd given up with the vape and started smoking again and had been for ages.
The won't meet smokers person asked them to meet.
Instead of clarifying that they were now a 20 a day plus smoker they never mentioned it, even though they knew the others stance on it.
They genuinely believed that scrubbing themselves within an inch of their life and not smoking for the duration of the meet was being nice, because they would both have an amazing time and that was the most important thing.
I don't see that as being nice, I see it as bang out of order and taking away someone's right to make a choice based on the way things are now.
Because the tactics used were a success and both had a great night the person still can't see the error of their ways.
They thought the effort they went to to hide the truth was them being nice.
I guess my point was, that only focussing on the positive and thinking positively blinded them to not taking responsibility, not telling the truth."
I get you, I don't think that was nice behaviour personally. I think you can say honest truths that are hard to hear yet came from a place of wanting to do good for someone. |
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"Niceness is not a quality I identify with. I have the ability to behave nicely at times, but I wouldn’t describe myself as nice. "
That's interesting, as your someone I associate with nice actions. Maybe the word nice should be more of a doing word maybe? |
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"I try to be kind as a default. But it's not a position I hold to at all costs. Other values are more important.
And sometimes being nice to person A means causing harm to person B. I try to weigh those decisions carefully."
I totally agree, sometimes someone being negative you have to walk away for example to be "nice" to yourself. |
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"I'm living embodiment that positive thinking does work, 31yrs ago this month I entered remission from a stage 4 cancer I was told in no uncertain terms I wouldn't survive. My recovery was 50% chemo and the rest positive thinking.
Sadly I couldn't get my son to see that positivity held the key to a happier and successful drug free life, his addiction sadly got the better of him almost 3 weeks ago at the age of 27.
He had everything going for him, the fact that he inherited a lottery jackpot win only complicated his life.
For 12 months I tried to make him see that my way was best and a positive outlook would set him free from his demons.
If only he would've listened we would've been riding our motorbikes in the sun this arvo instead of me receiving flowers from interflora.
"
My heart goes out to you hugely. |
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"I try to be kind as a default. But it's not a position I hold to at all costs. Other values are more important.
And sometimes being nice to person A means causing harm to person B. I try to weigh those decisions carefully.
I totally agree, sometimes someone being negative you have to walk away for example to be "nice" to yourself."
Or sympathy for position x and person A does harm to position y and person B. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Niceness is not a quality I identify with. I have the ability to behave nicely at times, but I wouldn’t describe myself as nice.
That's interesting, as your someone I associate with nice actions. Maybe the word nice should be more of a doing word maybe?"
I remember being told I was a nice boy by friends of my parents. I was polite, with good manners and smiled in public, served on the altar in church and was overtly helpful. I hated conflict, didn’t fight and told ‘the truth’ almost all of the time. Well the last one started to go wrong at the age of 6. That was me being nice. I was on the whole an innocent nice boy. That was the last time I identified with being nice. |
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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago
Stoke-on-Trent |
"I tell myself "let it go" is it important? Is it really impacting my life? (Heck, sing it like Elsa if it makes you smile!)
And the old adage "those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"
"
Or as Homer Simpson put it - what is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. |
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I do try. But sometimes life gets in the way of my plans. More often than not though I try to raise a smile for others around me. And that's usually why I smile in return.
Plus the haters hate it even more when they see you smile. See theres the biatch side peeking out  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great words.
My wife always says that I am a people person.
I do like people, but don't necessarily have to be liked back.
I tend to make a positive out of a negative in life. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Nice is partially subjective, I'd rather be a natural and neutral person than forcing nice if it is unwelcome either by myself or others, situation depending.
As with all things, a balance is required. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I find sometimes I can be so wrapped up in the perceived it's not fair the world is against me that I think everyone is mean to me. And in turn I believe this leads to bitter thoughts in my head.
"
You're not alone in this mindset; I think sometimes people can be incredibly self focused and then they think everything is a slight and everyone is against them.
If I'm having a moment like that I give myself a stern talking to because it's really not true.
As far as being nice goes, I don't think I am. It's a bit of a dreary word isn't it? I'm human, flaws and all and that's okay. The majority of the time I'd say I try and see the positivity. Actually, it's not so much that I try, I just do. I'm fairly Tigger like 95% of the time and I think that life is better for me as a result of being so. |
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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago
Stoke-on-Trent |
"I am a positive person in every regard however I currently spend a lot of time with someone who is the absolute opposite. It has me pondering on why this is as we are indeed father and daughter.
I do know that his full time negativity has a terrible impact on his mental health but he cannot acknowledge that this is a never ending cycle which just ends in misery.
I retain my positive outlook possibly in defiance or as a coping mechanism but it doesn't seem to rub off on his attitude at all.
It highlights that we are all very very different indeed."
I'd say its the other way round - his poor mental health is affecting his outlook. He sounds deeply depressed. But one thing I'm sure of is that your presence & help will mean more to him than he may be able to express.
---
We tend to demonise negativity when it's merely another aspect of the human condition - light is defined by dark and vice versa. There is no shame in feeling bad sometimes.
Something that an almost relentless promotion of positivity in society seems to ignore is that not everyone has the capability to feel positivity.
Practicing positivity should be allied with compassion & empathy - figure out why someone is 'negative' (most likely they're suffering from depression/anxiety disorders) & you will be better prepared to help them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think some of the issue at the moment is that we don't find ourselves in our "normal" environment.
Cooped up in home offices, away from colleagues; unable to see relatives or indeed seeing too much of some.
Therefore the ability to be nice to others or indeed be nice to yourself is harder than normal. Or it has become easier to not be "nice" as we have the best excuse to blame poor behaviour on currently.
You can only be yourself and attempt to be the truest version of yourself.
I think that just because it's difficult doesn't absolve people of their actions. And I think it makes them unhappier long term not to acknowledge it's hard and get on with it in a way. My dad was abusive pointed a loaded gun at me at 16, I could have let that experience turn me into a right cruel idiot but I hope I haven't. It's a part of my sad past yes, but I also learnt loads from it. Lockdown is hard yes but lashing out at others isn't going to help anyone in my opinion "
I in no way said it absolves people I said it gives people an excuse. There is a marked difference.
I am always polite to people whether they deserve it or not.
Different people will always have different reactions to how they deal with situations.
Had you been specific, as you have with your response, and quoted something as horrific as you have just now in your OP I would not even have responded to the post as I cannot begin to comment on that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a positive person in every regard however I currently spend a lot of time with someone who is the absolute opposite. It has me pondering on why this is as we are indeed father and daughter.
I do know that his full time negativity has a terrible impact on his mental health but he cannot acknowledge that this is a never ending cycle which just ends in misery.
I retain my positive outlook possibly in defiance or as a coping mechanism but it doesn't seem to rub off on his attitude at all.
It highlights that we are all very very different indeed.
I'd say its the other way round - his poor mental health is affecting his outlook. He sounds deeply depressed. But one thing I'm sure of is that your presence & help will mean more to him than he may be able to express.
---
We tend to demonise negativity when it's merely another aspect of the human condition - light is defined by dark and vice versa. There is no shame in feeling bad sometimes.
Something that an almost relentless promotion of positivity in society seems to ignore is that not everyone has the capability to feel positivity.
Practicing positivity should be allied with compassion & empathy - figure out why someone is 'negative' (most likely they're suffering from depression/anxiety disorders) & you will be better prepared to help them. "
Well said  |
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"I think some of the issue at the moment is that we don't find ourselves in our "normal" environment.
Cooped up in home offices, away from colleagues; unable to see relatives or indeed seeing too much of some.
Therefore the ability to be nice to others or indeed be nice to yourself is harder than normal. Or it has become easier to not be "nice" as we have the best excuse to blame poor behaviour on currently.
You can only be yourself and attempt to be the truest version of yourself.
I think that just because it's difficult doesn't absolve people of their actions. And I think it makes them unhappier long term not to acknowledge it's hard and get on with it in a way. My dad was abusive pointed a loaded gun at me at 16, I could have let that experience turn me into a right cruel idiot but I hope I haven't. It's a part of my sad past yes, but I also learnt loads from it. Lockdown is hard yes but lashing out at others isn't going to help anyone in my opinion
I in no way said it absolves people I said it gives people an excuse. There is a marked difference.
I am always polite to people whether they deserve it or not.
Different people will always have different reactions to how they deal with situations.
Had you been specific, as you have with your response, and quoted something as horrific as you have just now in your OP I would not even have responded to the post as I cannot begin to comment on that.
"
Sorry that may have across too strongly. I agree people are stressed out and not their normal selves. What I meant although badly phrased, is that if we acknowledge the issue then maybe we can work towards a better solution that makes us happier, sorry lovely meant no offence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't take this thread to be about positive Vs negative myself AT ALL, but I guess each persons perception will be different and valid. I saw it far more as just "try not to be a cunt to people" and hence why I and a few others borrowed Frida's status update today. There are those who would and do go out of their way to make others experiences miserable, and I think that's a pretty sad way to carry on. Nice doesn't have to mean positive, I just think we'd all benefit if we all at least made an attempt to be less cunty and if we've nothing nice (not exclusively positive) to say then maybe just hold it in, innit....
Great thread, as always my lovely, keep us the good work....! |
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Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm living embodiment that positive thinking does work, 31yrs ago this month I entered remission from a stage 4 cancer I was told in no uncertain terms I wouldn't survive. My recovery was 50% chemo and the rest positive thinking.
Sadly I couldn't get my son to see that positivity held the key to a happier and successful drug free life, his addiction sadly got the better of him almost 3 weeks ago at the age of 27.
He had everything going for him, the fact that he inherited a lottery jackpot win only complicated his life.
For 12 months I tried to make him see that my way was best and a positive outlook would set him free from his demons.
If only he would've listened we would've been riding our motorbikes in the sun this arvo instead of me receiving flowers from interflora.
"
Sorry to hear about your son. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier "
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier "
Wise words Frida. Sometimes stepping back and seeing the bigger picture is a good thing. |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid? "
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier "
I couldn't agree more.
I'm a generally positive and pleasant person and try to do the right thing.
I am no doormat but wouldn't choose to be confrontational, if there's a better alternative. |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Wise words Frida. Sometimes stepping back and seeing the bigger picture is a good thing. "
Yes stepping back and jumping to conclusions is always a good thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm living embodiment that positive thinking does work, 31yrs ago this month I entered remission from a stage 4 cancer I was told in no uncertain terms I wouldn't survive. My recovery was 50% chemo and the rest positive thinking.
Sadly I couldn't get my son to see that positivity held the key to a happier and successful drug free life, his addiction sadly got the better of him almost 3 weeks ago at the age of 27.
He had everything going for him, the fact that he inherited a lottery jackpot win only complicated his life.
For 12 months I tried to make him see that my way was best and a positive outlook would set him free from his demons.
If only he would've listened we would've been riding our motorbikes in the sun this arvo instead of me receiving flowers from interflora.
"
Sorry for your troubles. I hooe you find some peace. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I tend to be a glass half full type of person but also a realist and a pragmatist...when I have wobbles or doubts I'm a believer in talking things through where I can and being open and honest but appreciate it takes two to communicate (and that includes *both* listening and talking) and so is not always possible, especially if someone is not interested in communicating - so where I can't do that, I try and strip things down and try and look at them objectively rather than subjectively and it usually has the effect of putting my head back on straight.
I don't suffer fools gladly though, nor do I do nice for the sake of nice though. In fact I said on another thread today that I find false niceness quite an ugly trait, especially if someone portrays a butter wouldn't melt persona publically but behaves completely the opposite behind closed doors.
I won't be unkind and will either avoid where I can or show civility if called for - but if someone crosses me, forgiveness can only come with acceptance and recognition for their part in it. |
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"I tend to be a glass half full type of person but also a realist and a pragmatist...when I have wobbles or doubts I'm a believer in talking things through where I can and being open and honest but appreciate it takes two to communicate (and that includes *both* listening and talking) and so is not always possible, especially if someone is not interested in communicating - so where I can't do that, I try and strip things down and try and look at them objectively rather than subjectively and it usually has the effect of putting my head back on straight.
I don't suffer fools gladly though, nor do I do nice for the sake of nice though. In fact I said on another thread today that I find false niceness quite an ugly trait, especially if someone portrays a butter wouldn't melt persona publically but behaves completely the opposite behind closed doors.
I won't be unkind and will either avoid where I can or show civility if called for - but if someone crosses me, forgiveness can only come with acceptance and recognition for their part in it."
|
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
I couldn't agree more.
I'm a generally positive and pleasant person and try to do the right thing.
I am no doormat but wouldn't choose to be confrontational, if there's a better alternative. "
Exactly I try not to bite even when people push my buttons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is "
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group. |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group."
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group."
Absolutely! |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way? "
The forum is populated by ordinary people with problems, hopes, dreams, stresses and issues of their own.
Of course it would be lovely if we all got along. But people are passionate about some things, have strong opinions and different understanding of the written word. In other words we're all human and will never, ever be able to debate without it getting heated. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way? "
It's not bad in the slightest to hold opposing opinions in fact it's quite healthy for them to exist - and yes we should be able to debate opposing opinions like the adults we have to be to be members of the site.
The problem is for *some* an opposing opinion is seen as an attack, rather than simply being an opposing or different opinion.
There was a great example of this a couple of weeks ago, where a thread was pulled at the request of the OP because different opinions had been expressed (by *some* that responded) to the ones that had been hoped for.
Those different opinions weren't expressed in a negative or attacking way (but were perceived that way) so rather than debating the points like adults requests were made for the thread to be removed - and whilst perception is key, perhaps not looking for offence in everything is just as key. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way? "
Lololololol that mate is such a big secret.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way? "
I think the sexual nature of the site and history of relationships affects the dynamic. This forum is not simply an exchange of view and ideas, there is a deeper emotional ground that both consciously and unconsciously influences behaviour. The unstructured nature of interactions means the classic psychodynamic roles of groups get played out and the group dynamic places people in roles they have the resources to fulfil. All getting along is a good ideal to strive towards if that were a shared goal for the forum. However realistically I think it will continue to function much as it always has. The avatars and usernames change, but the patterns have remained much the same, since I started using the forum nigh on 7 years ago. The only person I can control the behaviour of is myself and even then I’m not sure if, I’m actually in conscious control of it as much as I would like |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way?
It's not bad in the slightest to hold opposing opinions in fact it's quite healthy for them to exist - and yes we should be able to debate opposing opinions like the adults we have to be to be members of the site.
The problem is for *some* an opposing opinion is seen as an attack, rather than simply being an opposing or different opinion.
There was a great example of this a couple of weeks ago, where a thread was pulled at the request of the OP because different opinions had been expressed (by *some* that responded) to the ones that had been hoped for.
Those different opinions weren't expressed in a negative or attacking way (but were perceived that way) so rather than debating the points like adults requests were made for the thread to be removed - and whilst perception is key, perhaps not looking for offence in everything is just as key."
I agree with that sometimes we look for things that aren't there. |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way?
I think the sexual nature of the site and history of relationships affects the dynamic. This forum is not simply an exchange of view and ideas, there is a deeper emotional ground that both consciously and unconsciously influences behaviour. The unstructured nature of interactions means the classic psychodynamic roles of groups get played out and the group dynamic places people in roles they have the resources to fulfil. All getting along is a good ideal to strive towards if that were a shared goal for the forum. However realistically I think it will continue to function much as it always has. The avatars and usernames change, but the patterns have remained much the same, since I started using the forum nigh on 7 years ago. The only person I can control the behaviour of is myself and even then I’m not sure if, I’m actually in conscious control of it as much as I would like "
I'm with you there it's something I'm working on. I'm in control of my own destiny |
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way?
Lololololol that mate is such a big secret.... "
we agree on everything do we not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think my thread although badly worded at times, is that we sometimes get so engulfed in our own negative thoughts. We fail to see we draw negative thoughts towards us or perceive negative thoughts directed towards us. If we all took a moment and realise not everyone is after us or indeed just be less confrontational we'd be happier
Bloody hell Frida! Who told you I was paranoid?
Haha Doc, think we all have spells of feeling paranoid. But when we do, we need to try and see it for what it actually is
I think with the amount of drama that goes on on Fab and the amount of comments, about types of people we like and types we don’t like, on the Forum, it becomes a bit of a breeding ground for paranoia and even by posting this I am aware I am potentially pissing on the group.
Seriously? We should all try and get along. Unless you're an axe murderer or something then maybe not so much. But everyone has different opinions and viewpoints, why is it so bad? One of my best mates I couldn't have more opposite opinions but we can debate without upsetting each other. Shouldn't we use forum in the same way?
Lololololol that mate is such a big secret....
we agree on everything do we not "
Like fuck! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"The problem is for *some* an opposing opinion is seen as an attack, rather than simply being an opposing or different opinion.
There was a great example of this a couple of weeks ago, where a thread was pulled at the request of the OP because different opinions had been expressed (by *some* that responded) to the ones that had been hoped for.
Those different opinions weren't expressed in a negative or attacking way (but were perceived that way) so rather than debating the points like adults requests were made for the thread to be removed - and whilst perception is key, perhaps not looking for offence in everything is just as key.
I agree with that sometimes we look for things that aren't there. "
It can be easily done and I've been guilty of it at times, think we all have, and the key is being able to see it especially in this textual interaction world we inhabit here.
The key is being able to take that step back and recognise that a differing opinion is just that, it's not an attack, there's not a hidden agenda it's simply someone or even some others having a different view.
If you disagree with it, debate it, talk it through, even challenge it directly - don't throw a strop and look for things that aren't there.
It's the same as accusations of "groups" or "cliques" in my years here more often than not what those accusations amount to is individuals who happen to share a similar opinion, but one that opposes another's get accused of being "in a group" or a "clique" or "ganging up" or worse still "bullying" when the reality is they are just people who share a similar view. |
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"The problem is for *some* an opposing opinion is seen as an attack, rather than simply being an opposing or different opinion.
There was a great example of this a couple of weeks ago, where a thread was pulled at the request of the OP because different opinions had been expressed (by *some* that responded) to the ones that had been hoped for.
Those different opinions weren't expressed in a negative or attacking way (but were perceived that way) so rather than debating the points like adults requests were made for the thread to be removed - and whilst perception is key, perhaps not looking for offence in everything is just as key.
I agree with that sometimes we look for things that aren't there.
It can be easily done and I've been guilty of it at times, think we all have, and the key is being able to see it especially in this textual interaction world we inhabit here.
The key is being able to take that step back and recognise that a differing opinion is just that, it's not an attack, there's not a hidden agenda it's simply someone or even some others having a different view.
If you disagree with it, debate it, talk it through, even challenge it directly - don't throw a strop and look for things that aren't there.
It's the same as accusations of "groups" or "cliques" in my years here more often than not what those accusations amount to is individuals who happen to share a similar opinion, but one that opposes another's get accused of being "in a group" or a "clique" or "ganging up" or worse still "bullying" when the reality is they are just people who share a similar view."
Agree with you one hundred percent there |
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