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Ladies ONLY ......
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Think twice you silly boys....... Ladies only....
Women ! ( This is for my own research here based on a theory that is building in my bonce )
When you and a male are in dispute , what are the three main things he will say to discredit you and what you say?
Think carefully now. No messin ....... K ?
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"Try to imply I'm just being emotional/ irrational.
Say I wouldn't understand.
Appeal to the authority of another man to show that he's right."
Yeah, I'll swap one of mine out for blaming it on hormones or sensitivity because of being female |
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Depends on yhe man. If they're a decent guy there are no three main things as they dispute me with relevant facts or points of view.
Though as you say discredit you and what you say, twats will call you over emotional or say you need to calm down, make some sort of reference to feminism or your political leanings or simply rule the whole thing unimportant and try to make you look silly for being involved in a dispute over it in the first place despite the fact that they also were. |
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"Try to imply I'm just being emotional/ irrational.
Say I wouldn't understand.
Appeal to the authority of another man to show that he's right.
Yeah, I'll swap one of mine out for blaming it on hormones or sensitivity because of being female "
Yeah periods are definitely a subset of irrational  |
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"Depends on yhe man. If they're a decent guy there are no three main things as they dispute me with relevant facts or points of view.
Though as you say discredit you and what you say, twats will call you over emotional or say you need to calm down, make some sort of reference to feminism or your political leanings or simply rule the whole thing unimportant and try to make you look silly for being involved in a dispute over it in the first place despite the fact that they also were. "
Or deny facts. Gaslighting is fun. |
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"Try to imply I'm just being emotional/ irrational.
Say I wouldn't understand.
Appeal to the authority of another man to show that he's right.
Yeah, I'll swap one of mine out for blaming it on hormones or sensitivity because of being female
Yeah periods are definitely a subset of irrational "
I still get those comments and I haven't had one for 5 years  . Then I'm the one being embarrassing when I say so even though they brought it up in the first place. |
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Do you mean "discredit you" or are you actually talking about a man putting his side of the story?
As a guy who was in a long-term abusive relationship, I resent the implication that when I defended myself verbally I was trying to discredit my ex. I wasn't. I was trying to be honest. I was trying to get her to understand there are two sides to many stories. I was trying to explain she wasn't right about everything all the time. I failed on every count, by the way. |
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"Try to imply I'm just being emotional/ irrational.
Say I wouldn't understand.
Appeal to the authority of another man to show that he's right.
Yeah, I'll swap one of mine out for blaming it on hormones or sensitivity because of being female
Yeah periods are definitely a subset of irrational
I still get those comments and I haven't had one for 5 years . Then I'm the one being embarrassing when I say so even though they brought it up in the first place. "
Periods are icky unless it helps their argument  |
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"Do you mean "discredit you" or are you actually talking about a man putting his side of the story?
As a guy who was in a long-term abusive relationship, I resent the implication that when I defended myself verbally I was trying to discredit my ex. I wasn't. I was trying to be honest. I was trying to get her to understand there are two sides to many stories. I was trying to explain she wasn't right about everything all the time. I failed on every count, by the way. "
I get it. I'm sorry.
Abuse and manipulation absolutely happens towards and by all genders. |
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"Do you mean "discredit you" or are you actually talking about a man putting his side of the story?
As a guy who was in a long-term abusive relationship, I resent the implication that when I defended myself verbally I was trying to discredit my ex. I wasn't. I was trying to be honest. I was trying to get her to understand there are two sides to many stories. I was trying to explain she wasn't right about everything all the time. I failed on every count, by the way. "
Or did she just fail to listen?
|
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"Do you mean "discredit you" or are you actually talking about a man putting his side of the story?
As a guy who was in a long-term abusive relationship, I resent the implication that when I defended myself verbally I was trying to discredit my ex. I wasn't. I was trying to be honest. I was trying to get her to understand there are two sides to many stories. I was trying to explain she wasn't right about everything all the time. I failed on every count, by the way. "
I meant..... discredit you......
I'm aware men go through similar. I'm asking females for a reason.
I don't really mind how many men respond. I just won't be counting what they say  into the women's responses. |
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Ummmm, S never does. He just sticks to facts (as he understands them) and repeats them ad nauseum until I give up or totally lose my temper. Then he blanks me/doesn't talk to me and he's very good at being stubborn. |
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"Youre fucking mental you are!" "Youre imagining things!" "Youre reading too much into it" Ive had these a few times. Funnily enough, 2 different men and both times I was correct about my suspicions of cheating lol |
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"Ummmm, S never does. He just sticks to facts (as he understands them) and repeats them ad nauseum until I give up or totally lose my temper. Then he blanks me/doesn't talk to me and he's very good at being stubborn. "
This sounds like me |
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Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
 |
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"Ummmm, S never does. He just sticks to facts (as he understands them) and repeats them ad nauseum until I give up or totally lose my temper. Then he blanks me/doesn't talk to me and he's very good at being stubborn.
This sounds like me"
There are indeed some similarities between S and your good self, Swing |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
"
Don't doubt Granny. She's one of the good ones. |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
Don't doubt Granny. She's one of the good ones. "
So many end of year reports..... it has to take its toll eventually  |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
Don't doubt Granny. She's one of the good ones.
So many end of year reports..... it has to take its toll eventually "
Cheeky mare |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
"
Surely the more we talk about bullying the more it can bring people together, not divide them.
Hiding things doesn't help, but knowing you're not alone really does.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You dont know what you're talking about
You make stuff up
You've always been a liar
You're mental
Everyone knows youre crazy
You expect too much
Thats always been your problem ( insert myriad of my problems)
Whats wrong with you?
I could go on... |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
Surely the more we talk about bullying the more it can bring people together, not divide them.
Hiding things doesn't help, but knowing you're not alone really does. "
If we talk about it, we bring the tactics into the open. Sunlight disinfects. |
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I had a particular ex who made every disagreement into such a huge drama that usually resulted in a complete character assassination of me that eventually I just didn't raise any problem as it wasn't worth it. |
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"I had a particular ex who made every disagreement into such a huge drama that usually resulted in a complete character assassination of me that eventually I just didn't raise any problem as it wasn't worth it. "
God I've been there. |
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"I had a particular ex who made every disagreement into such a huge drama that usually resulted in a complete character assassination of me that eventually I just didn't raise any problem as it wasn't worth it.
God I've been there."
And yet men wonder why women do the "I'm fine" thing. It took me a long time to get back to my naggy self . |
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"I had a particular ex who made every disagreement into such a huge drama that usually resulted in a complete character assassination of me that eventually I just didn't raise any problem as it wasn't worth it.
God I've been there.
And yet men wonder why women do the "I'm fine" thing. It took me a long time to get back to my naggy self . "
"It's better for me to seethe than have you overreact". |
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I wouldn't say discredit me, he tries to make me see rationally...
"We're both tired" (we usually are)
"Let it go, it's not that big a deal" (it's usually not, I'm a perfectionist and let things bother me)
"I'm not doing this right now" (we need a time out, and we come back calm and rational)
I've got a good egg  |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
Surely the more we talk about bullying the more it can bring people together, not divide them.
Hiding things doesn't help, but knowing you're not alone really does.
If we talk about it, we bring the tactics into the open. Sunlight disinfects."
Agreed. Openess is absolutely part of healing (though a swinging site is a challenging forum for therapy). Bullying is the not the sole perogative of men. People who bully use the same techniques and phrases. There is more strength in realising the similarities than beginning a discussion with an exclusion that undermines the conclusion. |
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"Nice cheery opener to aspects of coercive control OP. What is the idea in your bonce? That public listing of individual bullying is *not* socially devisive? Agendas on a postcard to... (profile hidden)
Surely the more we talk about bullying the more it can bring people together, not divide them.
Hiding things doesn't help, but knowing you're not alone really does.
If we talk about it, we bring the tactics into the open. Sunlight disinfects.
Agreed. Openess is absolutely part of healing (though a swinging site is a challenging forum for therapy). Bullying is the not the sole perogative of men. People who bully use the same techniques and phrases. There is more strength in realising the similarities than beginning a discussion with an exclusion that undermines the conclusion. "
The exclusion isn't mine.
Although I think bullying tactics can be gendered. Not saying anyone bullies more than anyone else, but... It's not like we tell men that they're irrational because they're on the rag, is it? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I should caveat this by saying neither of my partners do this but the joyous men I've dated/worked with before have uttered such delights as:
- you wouldn't understand/you've got it wrong because men and women think differently, men are more rational apparently.
- you're hormonal and obviously not thinking straight (even though I was not, it wasn't even near my period I was just calling out twattery).
Actually I'm sticking with two because those are the main ones and the others are variants on that theme. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was just a joke,cant you take a joke?
I never said that!
Are you due on? That was the one that would make me want to throw things, especially if I was  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You took it the wrong way
I can't help it if you feel that way but it's not my fault
If you took my words that way, it's your fault.
You're overreacting
You're not listening/understanding
You don't/won't/couldn't possibly get it
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"Time of the month?"
"Oh yeah, that's right, I'm wrong again"
Anything said in a voice which implies that I'm a child.
I must say this doesn't apply to all men. But these are recurring patterns. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
"
Same  . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself. |
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself."
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again."
Same here. I’m still doubting myself at times, and still feel the fear if I speak up. I’m very lucky I have someone who is completely awesome and I can say anything to him, which is helping build my confidence again.
I’m so sorry you went through it too. |
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again."
I'm a kintsugi pot. I've been broken but I'm made more beautiful in the way I'm brought back together again.
And stronger, too. |
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I can't rem_mber any occasions whrre I have had problems with being talked down to, purely because of being a woman.
If I did, I would tell them that any argument that is simply misogynistic is irrelevant, and insist the discussion is based on facts.
I'm more than willing to stand up for myself and will not be bullied. One manager tried and ended up apologising when I pulled him up on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again.
I'm a kintsugi pot. I've been broken but I'm made more beautiful in the way I'm brought back together again.
And stronger, too."
That’s beautiful
|
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again.
Same here. I’m still doubting myself at times, and still feel the fear if I speak up. I’m very lucky I have someone who is completely awesome and I can say anything to him, which is helping build my confidence again.
I’m so sorry you went through it too. "
I really sorry that you went through it too..it's such an awful place to be in!
I don't think about it often, it was a long time ago. I'm glad you have found someone special and me well, I have found my voice xx |
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again.
I'm a kintsugi pot. I've been broken but I'm made more beautiful in the way I'm brought back together again.
And stronger, too.
That’s beautiful
"
That really is beautiful xx |
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again.
Same here. I’m still doubting myself at times, and still feel the fear if I speak up. I’m very lucky I have someone who is completely awesome and I can say anything to him, which is helping build my confidence again.
I’m so sorry you went through it too.
I really sorry that you went through it too..it's such an awful place to be in!
I don't think about it often, it was a long time ago. I'm glad you have found someone special and me well, I have found my voice xx"
And if you ever get a sore throat, I'll always be there to give you a throat sweet so your voice comes back ASAP |
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I'm telling you the truth
My friend was there he knows what happened.
You fucking said that I could, I was there when you said it.
Why do you always listen to your friends?
Oh here we go don't get me mixed up with your ex.
Why do you always bring up the past it's done and gone.
You have me confused with your ex!
If you don't trust me well there's no point in being together, YOU do trust me don't you?
You know I love you,I wouldn't hurt you like that,I know what you have been through.
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"*Why do you push me/make me act this way (not me i'm up for a quiet life)
*I did say (totally never said)
*would shout me down (until I no longer cared)
Same . Added to bullying me until I lost the confidence in myself.
For me too and it was a long hard fight to get back to 'me' again. And I will never ever go back there again.
Same here. I’m still doubting myself at times, and still feel the fear if I speak up. I’m very lucky I have someone who is completely awesome and I can say anything to him, which is helping build my confidence again.
I’m so sorry you went through it too.
I really sorry that you went through it too..it's such an awful place to be in!
I don't think about it often, it was a long time ago. I'm glad you have found someone special and me well, I have found my voice xx
And if you ever get a sore throat, I'll always be there to give you a throat sweet so your voice comes back ASAP "
Of that I have no doubt |
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