Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless |
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"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless "
Feel for you honestly. Is it just a lack of sex? Is there still affection and wanting to please or nothing? |
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If he was my partner then as long as it takes.
Previous relationship was 2 1/2 years, I turned to toys instead and learnt a lot about my body.
He reused to talk about it or seek help so we lived our separate lives in the same house till I moved out |
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Oh really sorry to see you're feeling this way and going through this!
It can't be easy for you or your partner. I lived with a guy who suffered from depression and it broke us down, it was an awful time. Luckily he is now doing great but it took a while and him moving away to figure it all out.. I really hope that things get better for you both xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless "
More than 12 yrs and it's still no better, hence why I'm on Fab |
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"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless
More than 12 yrs and it's still no better, hence why I'm on Fab"
Is that a good idea seriously? Communication and med check is a better option!!!! |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
We are all different and therefore would respond differently. It is a difficult situation to be in OP, sorry you’re experiencing this.
If I was in love then I couldn’t give up. Rightly or wrongly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is an awful situation to be in. I dont have similar experience but had a partner who would use sex withdrawal as punishment (not a consented part of play just purely manipulative). I am not sure if I could wait.. yes they are unwell (I was too) but it would depend on everything around the situation. It must feel like a trap. The fact you tried to discuss it and it made them more ill, that is what would worry me as how long one can feel guilty about their needs and feelings especially if one tries to discuss them and find compromise.. ? It must be hard to have a debate though with someone who at the moment struggles to rationalise thoughts so is there anything else that has not been tried which can prompt that? It's not selfish to want life to have a different balance when you are caring for someone ill and caring for yourself is even more important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless "
Everyone will be different. Some would wait forever others wouldnt even wait for them to get clinical depression before seeing others. Caring can be exhausting, and mentally draining. If you need a release, go for it x |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless "
I would wait as long as it takes having been in a similar situation your focus naturally changes to do all in your power to help your loved one  |
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"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless "
Sorry to hear you are both in this situation.
I've no answers except to offer you a hug of support.
The book "Living with the Black Dog" might be helpful. |
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"Could you wait?
If your partner had clinical depression, meds, no sex drive and hardly any desire for intimacy. How long could you wait for things to get better?
I’m ashamed to ask this here but I feel so hopeless "
Sorry to hear this as i have been their too. It drags you down and starts to make you feel depressed. I lasted 10yrs living with someone like this before i left. A hard thing to do and everyone turned against me including my children but i had to go. I could not live in this situation any longer as my life was becoming unbearable. |
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I think the answer is relative to a lot of things that no one else knows about.
For example if people are extremely close and committed then there is no limit on the time that they would stay with their partner and continue to support them.
I don't see lack of sex as a sufficient enough reason for leaving someone.
In my own case........ the person I married was no longer there after years of of his suffering depression and I knew he was never coming back.
Only you can make the decision on what you ask. Sometimes at least ONE of the couple can be rescued from misery and supported to a happy fulfilled life.
Life is cruel. |
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"Don't feel ashamed...no one knows what your life is like except for you xx"
This. Don’t be guilted into doing something because mental illness is really sad, having two of you unhappy is not necessarily the best solution.
I’d get some professional counselling to see what your options are, but off the top of my head it could be:
1. Wait and support him
2. Wait because he won’t accept your support
3. Negotiate an open relationship
4. Get intimacy in secret
5. Leave
The right answer can be these, a blend of them and you can change how you feel over time too.
The wedding vows (not that you’re married) say “for better or for worse” but they should definitely say afterwards “up to a fucking point” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of factors involved, and a lot of different answers will be given.
But it depends if that person wants help or not, and if they have a chance to improve or unlikely.
Sometimes actually seperating, (or at least enjoying your own life) is the only way to help the extremely-long-term depressed person (the type who you know won't change). And also it will help you.
The type of love changes from in love, to love out of care and a history.
When it very much affects you though, its time to get some help your self.
And if that doesn't work, thats when the time for you to fulfil your needs your way becomes knocking |
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