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Gemini Man shocker
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As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I don’t think so. Not really.
It’s easy to open, read, eye roll and delete (or mass delete at the end if quicker). And block individually if you must. That way the good guys still get through.
That said I’m heavily filtered message wise so I don’t get 100’s of messages, which would make things harder I know.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
It's a bit of a catch 22.
Yes the undesirable low effort/disrespectful guys make the hurdle harder to get over for the guys that put effort and respect in. But at the same time if every guy was a "nice guy" then the "nice guys" wouldn't really stand out.
Its a bit of both sides in conflict really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For sure it will have a negative impact in some cases depending on the defence mechanisms employed to protect against the poor behaviour. How much? I don’t know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're a decent guy with a bit of substance about you and you're not going after those who make ridiculous demands of what they want/expect from fab then I'd say you're on the up over the hurdle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's a lot of new users rn, it'll take them a while to learn the ropes and what works, why not take some time to help educate them and make fab a better place for everyone? Next phase is we'll all be complaining about the influx of "why do women block me?" type threads from said newbies....
Or you could just ignore your box unless it's a conversation you've started, which is in effect the same as blocking unwanteds....
I was in the my "mate fancies you" thread and I wanted to include some of the fella's and new folk yesterday but most of them had men blocked, so guess what? I don't have men blocked personally and I have to say I get pretty much zero unwanted male mail. I think it's short sighted unless you genuinely don't want to hear from that group for personal reasons....
Anyway we guess it's all personal choice and I don't blame you OP....   |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"If you're a decent guy with a bit of substance about you and you're not going after those who make ridiculous demands of what they want/expect from fab then I'd say you're on the up over the hurdle "
That assumes that because of filters (only in place because of guys who have caused eye roll moments) are in your favour. Or if your message actually gets viewed at all by being lost in the overwhelming swarm of messages.
These are not complaints by me, I barely go seeking anymore. However they are a few reasons why being a great guy is not, alone, going to be the thing that suddenly gets you a reply.
You need to be able to dodge the obstacles in front of you (filters eg.) before your substance as a guy is even viewed as potential.
Its not good being a stand up perfect guy if they never get a chance to see it. |
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"It's a bit of a catch 22.
Yes the undesirable low effort/disrespectful guys make the hurdle harder to get over for the guys that put effort and respect in. But at the same time if every guy was a "nice guy" then the "nice guys" wouldn't really stand out.
Its a bit of both sides in conflict really. "
I absolutely hear ya, but.... how can they stand out if they haven't the chance to stand out due to being blocked? |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
"
By way of contrast what do you think of the view that a person appears taller if they are surrounded by pygmies. I.E. the good ones stand out because of the bad 'uns
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"If you're a decent guy with a bit of substance about you and you're not going after those who make ridiculous demands of what they want/expect from fab then I'd say you're on the up over the hurdle
That assumes that because of filters (only in place because of guys who have caused eye roll moments) are in your favour. Or if your message actually gets viewed at all by being lost in the overwhelming swarm of messages.
These are not complaints by me, I barely go seeking anymore. However they are a few reasons why being a great guy is not, alone, going to be the thing that suddenly gets you a reply.
You need to be able to dodge the obstacles in front of you (filters eg.) before your substance as a guy is even viewed as potential.
Its not good being a stand up perfect guy if they never get a chance to see it. "
Yeah, that's EXACTLY my point |
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I'm with you Peach. It's wearing, it puts me in a bad mood, and it makes me set my filters to "you shall not pass" and not bother to look because I'd rather wank or suppress it than deal with cockwombles. (At the moment I'm wanking/ suppressing anyway, but... you know) |
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"If you're a decent guy with a bit of substance about you and you're not going after those who make ridiculous demands of what they want/expect from fab then I'd say you're on the up over the hurdle "
I agree. |
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"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
By way of contrast what do you think of the view that a person appears taller if they are surrounded by pygmies. I.E. the good ones stand out because of the bad 'uns
"
I wouldn't have one, my view would be obscured by the locked door in the way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Either allow men to mail and delete/block the undesired ones.
or
block men and do the searching and mailing of men you like the look of.
or
selectively block newbies/non-site supporters/those without photos or veris (some undesired would still get through but you can delete/block them individually).
Either one will still require some effort on your part.
Neither of you are right or wrong - it's about employing different strategies and finding the one which works for you. |
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"For sure it will have a negative impact in some cases depending on the defence mechanisms employed to protect against the poor behaviour. How much? I don’t know."
Well, we wouldn't have spoken had my box been locked all along, and I'd like to think I've enhanced your fab experience as you have mine.
Imagine we never spoke. That's a horrid thought |
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"Either allow men to mail and delete/block the undesired ones.
or
block men and do the searching and mailing of men you like the look of.
or
selectively block newbies/non-site supporters/those without photos or veris (some undesired would still get through but you can delete/block them individually).
Either one will still require some effort on your part.
Neither of you are right or wrong - it's about employing different strategies and finding the one which works for you. "
Ahhhh, see. You're assuming I'm wanting to talk to people I like the look of.
I thought my profile made it quite clear that I'm mainly here for the forums and not really looking to meet etc. |
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"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
"
Dunno Peachy ?? FAF ??  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Wondered what I'd done now for a minute Then wondered if it'd be about Will Smith not me now he's stolen my name 
It's an interesting and thorny debate and one to which I don't think there's actually a right answer - as individuals I think we have to do what is right for us errr individually but I *do* think there's a lot to be said about not worrying about how others choose to behave and focussing on your own use of the site and in that respect how other blokes behave doesn't have the slightest impact on my experience of it.
I also think there are plenty of blokes who have a great experience of the site, who do meet people, enjoy all the good stuff etc and *those* blokes obviously haven't had their experience ruined by anyone else.
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do - arguably though the overall experience of those guys who *do* get it and who *do* stand out hasn't been ruined apart from with that specific lady and even then she might see that they are stand up chaps and talk to them anyway.
Ultimately though I don't think it's a case of right or wrong here, just different ways of looking at the same thing - so my dearest peachiest of Peaches we're not in disagreement at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Either allow men to mail and delete/block the undesired ones.
or
block men and do the searching and mailing of men you like the look of.
or
selectively block newbies/non-site supporters/those without photos or veris (some undesired would still get through but you can delete/block them individually).
Either one will still require some effort on your part.
Neither of you are right or wrong - it's about employing different strategies and finding the one which works for you.
Ahhhh, see. You're assuming I'm wanting to talk to people I like the look of.
I thought my profile made it quite clear that I'm mainly here for the forums and not really looking to meet etc."
I haven't read your profile because I haven't thought about messaging you - I'm just replying to a forum post.
It's still about picking an inbox strategy which works for you.
If you allow messages from men then block/delete/report (if you deem it against Fab's policies) any which you find undesirable or offensive or block all men from messaging.
Either way it's a catch-22. |
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"Wondered what I'd done now for a minute Then wondered if it'd be about Will Smith not me now he's stolen my name
It's an interesting and thorny debate and one to which I don't think there's actually a right answer - as individuals I think we have to do what is right for us errr individually but I *do* think there's a lot to be said about not worrying about how others choose to behave and focussing on your own use of the site and in that respect how other blokes behave doesn't have the slightest impact on my experience of it.
I also think there are plenty of blokes who have a great experience of the site, who do meet people, enjoy all the good stuff etc and *those* blokes obviously haven't had their experience ruined by anyone else.
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do - arguably though the overall experience of those guys who *do* get it and who *do* stand out hasn't been ruined apart from with that specific lady and even then she might see that they are stand up chaps and talk to them anyway.
Ultimately though I don't think it's a case of right or wrong here, just different ways of looking at the same thing - so my dearest peachiest of Peaches we're not in disagreement at all "
Oh balls.
Well, I'm gonna say you're wrong and I'm right because it's my right to do so 
Oh, and you're right and I'm wrong too.
But like I said to Doc.... if my filters were fort knox we wouldn't have spoken, and that my dear friend is a terribly sad thought |
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"Either allow men to mail and delete/block the undesired ones.
or
block men and do the searching and mailing of men you like the look of.
or
selectively block newbies/non-site supporters/those without photos or veris (some undesired would still get through but you can delete/block them individually).
Either one will still require some effort on your part.
Neither of you are right or wrong - it's about employing different strategies and finding the one which works for you.
Ahhhh, see. You're assuming I'm wanting to talk to people I like the look of.
I thought my profile made it quite clear that I'm mainly here for the forums and not really looking to meet etc.
I haven't read your profile because I haven't thought about messaging you - I'm just replying to a forum post.
It's still about picking an inbox strategy which works for you.
If you allow messages from men then block/delete/report (if you deem it against Fab's policies) any which you find undesirable or offensive or block all men from messaging.
Either way it's a catch-22."
Yes you're right, and that's my whole point. It IS a catch 22. But a catch 22 that actually shouldn't even be a catch 44 if people were simply respectful profile reading humans. (When it came to messaging rather than responding to threads) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For sure it will have a negative impact in some cases depending on the defence mechanisms employed to protect against the poor behaviour. How much? I don’t know.
Well, we wouldn't have spoken had my box been locked all along, and I'd like to think I've enhanced your fab experience as you have mine.
Imagine we never spoke. That's a horrid thought "
Some would see that as a blessing though. I think in the end we do what works for us. You were the one who messaged me first anyway, so you might have burrowed a tunnel through your filters anyway. I’m naturally blocked by most women’s filters because of my age, yet some crazy fuckers still choose to talk to me. |
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"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
"
OP. Interesting. My only thoughts are that you should put yourself first and keep thinking of others as you always do. Think of fab as sailing through thin pack ice and navigate it accordingly. Enjoy the beauty of your surroundings but be prepared for the odd bump where the thicker lumps of ice lay, often hidden, and they can catch you out ....
Oh ... And to show that I am not just philosophical.. keep sharing the stilleto pics...
 |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"But like I said to Doc.... if my filters were fort knox we wouldn't have spoken, and that my dear friend is a terribly sad thought "
It is indeed a sad thought, but then we wouldn't know it's a sad thought because we'd not have spoken 
And it wouldn't necessarily mean we wouldn't have - you messaged me first as I remember.....I win |
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"For sure it will have a negative impact in some cases depending on the defence mechanisms employed to protect against the poor behaviour. How much? I don’t know.
Well, we wouldn't have spoken had my box been locked all along, and I'd like to think I've enhanced your fab experience as you have mine.
Imagine we never spoke. That's a horrid thought
Some would see that as a blessing though. I think in the end we do what works for us. You were the one who messaged me first anyway, so you might have burrowed a tunnel through your filters anyway. I’m naturally blocked by most women’s filters because of my age, yet some crazy fuckers still choose to talk to me."
That's true.
it may be the case that I've messaged all forums peeps first therefore the fora friend side of my argument is invalid. |
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For me, I've become Fab savvy enough not to let this spoil my experience. I use filters that suit me. I no longer have delete message guilt.
If they message me they've only wasted their own time. I get that this may encourage a scattergun approach favoured by this type of Fabber but it shouldn't discourage anyone else from sending a message as the scatterguns are easy to spot even without opening that yellow message.
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"But like I said to Doc.... if my filters were fort knox we wouldn't have spoken, and that my dear friend is a terribly sad thought
It is indeed a sad thought, but then we wouldn't know it's a sad thought because we'd not have spoken
And it wouldn't necessarily mean we wouldn't have - you messaged me first as I remember.....I win "
*stamps feet*
Fuck you and your memory!
OK OK, I concede defeat on that one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For sure it will have a negative impact in some cases depending on the defence mechanisms employed to protect against the poor behaviour. How much? I don’t know.
Well, we wouldn't have spoken had my box been locked all along, and I'd like to think I've enhanced your fab experience as you have mine.
Imagine we never spoke. That's a horrid thought
Some would see that as a blessing though. I think in the end we do what works for us. You were the one who messaged me first anyway, so you might have burrowed a tunnel through your filters anyway. I’m naturally blocked by most women’s filters because of my age, yet some crazy fuckers still choose to talk to me.
That's true.
it may be the case that I've messaged all forums peeps first therefore the fora friend side of my argument is invalid."
Quite possibly. I can safely say that I don’t think I messaged any of my female friends first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Either way it's a catch-22.
Yes you're right, and that's my whole point. It IS a catch 22. But a catch 22 that actually shouldn't even be a catch 44 if people were simply respectful profile reading humans. (When it came to messaging rather than responding to threads)"
Then it comes down to how you view 'people'.
If you're an 'idealist' (why can't we all just get along/why isn't the world fair) then it's going to be more frustrating and disappointing for you. But if were all the same then it could be a bit boring.
If you view 'people' as 'people' and accept you've got nice ones and not so nice ones then you try to minimise your contact with the not so nice ones. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"That's true.
it may be the case that I've messaged all forums peeps first therefore the fora friend side of my argument is invalid."
Fora. 
*I have more to type but that was the most important thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm with you Peach. It's wearing, it puts me in a bad mood, and it makes me set my filters to "you shall not pass" and not bother to look because I'd rather wank or suppress it than deal with cockwombles. (At the moment I'm wanking/ suppressing anyway, but... you know)"
I hear that wankpuffin is the latest word to use for a cockwomble |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's true.
it may be the case that I've messaged all forums peeps first therefore the fora friend side of my argument is invalid.
Fora.
*I have more to type but that was the most important thing."
. I always smile when I see it called the fora. |
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"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
OP. Interesting. My only thoughts are that you should put yourself first and keep thinking of others as you always do. Think of fab as sailing through thin pack ice and navigate it accordingly. Enjoy the beauty of your surroundings but be prepared for the odd bump where the thicker lumps of ice lay, often hidden, and they can catch you out ....
Oh ... And to show that I am not just philosophical.. keep sharing the stilleto pics...
"
That's pretty much what I do now. I can see instantly if it's a response to a forum thread and most of those will get opened.
Thank you Tom, I'm not gonna lie I was expecting something sarcastic when I saw your comment but have been pleasantly surprised and somewhat shocked. Appreciate your understanding and philosophical approach, and yes, I'll post some more pics, though I'll have to shave my feet first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
OP. Interesting. My only thoughts are that you should put yourself first and keep thinking of others as you always do. Think of fab as sailing through thin pack ice and navigate it accordingly. Enjoy the beauty of your surroundings but be prepared for the odd bump where the thicker lumps of ice lay, often hidden, and they can catch you out ....
Oh ... And to show that I am not just philosophical.. keep sharing the stilleto pics...
"
Good advice Tom. Is that a hint of your true self shining through there? |
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This morning i lockdown my inbox because of this exact reason. its just getting so dire. then i have the unfortunate opportunity to message men I'm interested in to find they use fake photos or information  |
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To break new ground by quoting Gilbert and Sullivan on Fab...
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care —
Up goes the price of shoddy.
...translation..
you need the shit to see what shines. Numpties show the good guys.
BUT there is a broader point OP - given your profile at mo. It costs you to be bombarded, to have to harden youself to the dross, to say no to so many either directly or by simply not replying. We like to be good to others (well most of us do) so when we see ourselves slagging off it chips away at our self respect. In that sense - filter and protect you, the diamonds will find you one way or another. |
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"
Either way it's a catch-22.
Yes you're right, and that's my whole point. It IS a catch 22. But a catch 22 that actually shouldn't even be a catch 44 if people were simply respectful profile reading humans. (When it came to messaging rather than responding to threads)
Then it comes down to how you view 'people'.
If you're an 'idealist' (why can't we all just get along/why isn't the world fair) then it's going to be more frustrating and disappointing for you. But if were all the same then it could be a bit boring.
If you view 'people' as 'people' and accept you've got nice ones and not so nice ones then you try to minimise your contact with the not so nice ones."
Ahhhhh, I think you've just given me a bit of a light bulb moment indirectly. It's less about how I view people, I'm well aware there are many types with many different intemtions, motivations and personalities.... but more about how people view me.
That's where my frustration boils from. That sense of unjustness and unfairness. If I take the time to write what they need to know, take the time to read a profile before comms (again unless responding to forum thread/game) then I feel I deserve the same in return.
That's what it is, it shows me a side to this place that can be tiring. Yes, it says more about them than it does about me when they send cock in hand lazy messages, but maybe it shows me a side to me that I don't like all that much.
It shows me that I'm viewed in a way I don't like, that I'm not seen as worth actual time and effort, and I don't much like feeling like I need to educate others in how to be respectful because I don't want them subjecting others to the nonsense, ESPECIALLY new women who join the site. It can be overwhelming when you first join and you feel as though you've just fallen from a rescue copter into shark infested waters. |
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I joined late last year then lockdown hit before I could get to a club or social to get veri'd. I know that women get masses of terrible messages and I'm not surprised that it wears you down so you'd lock down your filters. From this side, it does make it more difficult to get a genuine message read but I can see why. I think it's a similar situation on the dating apps. In the meantime I'm enjoying dipping in and out of here to chat and get known slowly.
Look after yourself first OP, you can't help others if you've exhausted all your own energy |
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"To break new ground by quoting Gilbert and Sullivan on Fab...
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care —
Up goes the price of shoddy.
...translation..
you need the shit to see what shines. Numpties show the good guys.
BUT there is a broader point OP - given your profile at mo. It costs you to be bombarded, to have to harden youself to the dross, to say no to so many either directly or by simply not replying. We like to be good to others (well most of us do) so when we see ourselves slagging off it chips away at our self respect. In that sense - filter and protect you, the diamonds will find you one way or another. "
I don't really read that many messages in truth, and yes, it chips. I don't want to be frustrated and spiky. I do find it hard to let it wash over me though at times and I'm not too afraid to admit that.
It's just "I'm a fucking human being, I have feelings, I work hard and have asked extremely "nicely" to be treated as such" that gets me at times. Most I do just ignore, some I respond to, some I enjoy responding to and pointing out the error of their ways.
When you're kinda walking the tightrope between staying on site or waving goodbye to fab and taking up crochet it can feel like a kick in the fanny.
It won't make that much difference to me locking my shit down in respect to meeting and building sexual connections as I'm not on that platform at the moment, but I would wonder if I missed out on a hidden gem that touched my soul if I didn't allow them to contact me
|
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"To break new ground by quoting Gilbert and Sullivan on Fab...
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care —
Up goes the price of shoddy.
...translation..
you need the shit to see what shines. Numpties show the good guys.
BUT there is a broader point OP - given your profile at mo. It costs you to be bombarded, to have to harden youself to the dross, to say no to so many either directly or by simply not replying. We like to be good to others (well most of us do) so when we see ourselves slagging off it chips away at our self respect. In that sense - filter and protect you, the diamonds will find you one way or another.
I don't really read that many messages in truth, and yes, it chips. I don't want to be frustrated and spiky. I do find it hard to let it wash over me though at times and I'm not too afraid to admit that.
It's just "I'm a fucking human being, I have feelings, I work hard and have asked extremely "nicely" to be treated as such" that gets me at times. Most I do just ignore, some I respond to, some I enjoy responding to and pointing out the error of their ways.
When you're kinda walking the tightrope between staying on site or waving goodbye to fab and taking up crochet it can feel like a kick in the fanny.
It won't make that much difference to me locking my shit down in respect to meeting and building sexual connections as I'm not on that platform at the moment, but I would wonder if I missed out on a hidden gem that touched my soul if I didn't allow them to contact me
"
Tightrope - yep Entropy and redundancy. We can cope with all sorts of crap when other bits that support us (including people) are there and working in our lives.
ok. heavier part coming. Dick wavers move on.
Even as you think about shutting off you worry at what you miss. Don't. There are a lot of opportunities IRL as well as here. We all have finite time and energy. Use it as best you wish. If you find you are compromising your core beliefs too far just to remain open then you do more damage than good and will cease to be of help to anyone, let alone yourself. Be clear on what you will accept, consciously choose, and then you know that people who attack that require a different strategy than open arms. You can be open and actually take strength from it when attacked. You take away their power. Imagine it like a little sticker on their forehead that suddenly appears saying
"TOSSER ALERT, ignore what they say but treat them kindly"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Your perspective on it is absolutely right. If you blocked all men for contacting due to some disrespectful ones.
The adage aforementioned adds up.
However, as it doesn't stop you to message the ones, who either viewed or fabbed one of your pics, your argument can't be sustained. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I agree with you. I get so many ridiculous messages that I just bulk delete every few days coz I just can’t be arsed going through hundreds of messages. Which means I probably miss some really nice ones. So yeah In that respect they do spoil it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Either allow men to mail and delete/block the undesired ones.
or
block men and do the searching and mailing of men you like the look of.
or
selectively block newbies/non-site supporters/those without photos or veris (some undesired would still get through but you can delete/block them individually).
Either one will still require some effort on your part.
Neither of you are right or wrong - it's about employing different strategies and finding the one which works for you.
Ahhhh, see. You're assuming I'm wanting to talk to people I like the look of.
I thought my profile made it quite clear that I'm mainly here for the forums and not really looking to meet etc."
Your profile says you are Looking For couples, men, tv etc.
I think it's very easy to take my profile off the searches. It kills the mail.
If I had an active profile I would expect people to mail me. |
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"Either allow men to mail and delete/block the undesired ones.
or
block men and do the searching and mailing of men you like the look of.
or
selectively block newbies/non-site supporters/those without photos or veris (some undesired would still get through but you can delete/block them individually).
Either one will still require some effort on your part.
Neither of you are right or wrong - it's about employing different strategies and finding the one which works for you.
Ahhhh, see. You're assuming I'm wanting to talk to people I like the look of.
I thought my profile made it quite clear that I'm mainly here for the forums and not really looking to meet etc.
Your profile says you are Looking For couples, men, tv etc.
I think it's very easy to take my profile off the searches. It kills the mail.
If I had an active profile I would expect people to mail me. "
I am, but a certain kind.
Those who read and understand.
You know sometimes you can read words and "feel" someone or something (other than a boner) Those are the people I am happy to hear from. Those who read it and it makes total sense to them.
I've spoken to a few who get it. The "souls" as I refer to them. |
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Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
"Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do"
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone "
I'm not sure there is - I think it's a very individual thing and for each user to find their own way of experiencing the site to their own personal best advantage.
You often see on threads like this comments like "well apply your filters" or "well you're asking for it posting provocative pictures" or "be respectful and considerate" or "write a better profile" - all of which have a degree of truth, but how big that degree is varies wildly from user to user.
Personally I don't let the way others choose to use the site bother me, rude messages are easily deleted, some users are (mostly) easy to ignore, if someone chooses to delete my message unread I accept it etc. preferring to focus on how I choose to use it.
And I honestly think if more people adopted that approach their experience would be so much better than letting actions over which they have no control bother them to the extent that some do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone "
 Different profile text, pics, veris get different messages/ people mailing.
Some people will mail any profile. Some do read and digest. |
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"Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone
I'm not sure there is - I think it's a very individual thing and for each user to find their own way of experiencing the site to their own personal best advantage.
You often see on threads like this comments like "well apply your filters" or "well you're asking for it posting provocative pictures" or "be respectful and considerate" or "write a better profile" - all of which have a degree of truth, but how big that degree is varies wildly from user to user.
Personally I don't let the way others choose to use the site bother me, rude messages are easily deleted, some users are (mostly) easy to ignore, if someone chooses to delete my message unread I accept it etc. preferring to focus on how I choose to use it.
And I honestly think if more people adopted that approach their experience would be so much better than letting actions over which they have no control bother them to the extent that some do."
Ooooh sneaky move there. OP says you don't feel it spoils the place but now you have shifted it to say you simply ignore it. We have been labouring under the assumption of a nicely polarised debate. Now you reveal you just go "Meh..".
Not disagreeing of course. |
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"Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone
Different profile text, pics, veris get different messages/ people mailing.
Some people will mail any profile. Some do read and digest. "
First up, great work Adam, I had a baseball bat with your name on it you know me too well!
And Outsider, you're right.
Thing is it can take less time to look at the bloody tick boxes even than it does the pics do realise you aren't compatible.
I smoke.
I don't hide that I smoke.
Yet I still get messages from those who "won't meet smokers"
Don't fucking message wanting to meet or to invite me to a party or whatever where you wanna get down n dirty.
If I can see in 3 seconds that we aren't compatible then surely they can too.
L
A
Z
Y
Can you tell I'm due on?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For sure it will have a negative impact in some cases depending on the defence mechanisms employed to protect against the poor behaviour. How much? I don’t know.
Well, we wouldn't have spoken had my box been locked all along, and I'd like to think I've enhanced your fab experience as you have mine.
Imagine we never spoke. That's a horrid thought
Some would see that as a blessing though. I think in the end we do what works for us. You were the one who messaged me first anyway, so you might have burrowed a tunnel through your filters anyway. I’m naturally blocked by most women’s filters because of my age, yet some crazy fuckers still choose to talk to me.
That's true.
it may be the case that I've messaged all forums peeps first therefore the fora friend side of my argument is invalid."
Life finds a way |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone
I'm not sure there is - I think it's a very individual thing and for each user to find their own way of experiencing the site to their own personal best advantage.
You often see on threads like this comments like "well apply your filters" or "well you're asking for it posting provocative pictures" or "be respectful and considerate" or "write a better profile" - all of which have a degree of truth, but how big that degree is varies wildly from user to user.
Personally I don't let the way others choose to use the site bother me, rude messages are easily deleted, some users are (mostly) easy to ignore, if someone chooses to delete my message unread I accept it etc. preferring to focus on how I choose to use it.
And I honestly think if more people adopted that approach their experience would be so much better than letting actions over which they have no control bother them to the extent that some do.
Ooooh sneaky move there. OP says you don't feel it spoils the place but now you have shifted it to say you simply ignore it. We have been labouring under the assumption of a nicely polarised debate. Now you reveal you just go "Meh..".
Not disagreeing of course. "
Not that sneaky really - my dear Peach said I don't think the actions of others "spoil" others chances in reference to other men spoiling the chances of a meet and I standby my assertion that it doesn't, and also by my follow up above that I don't let how others choose to act bother me.
Spoiling the site however is a whole other thread Although my response would be along the same lines |
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"
First up, great work Adam, I had a baseball bat with your name on it you know me too well!
Why've I just spent 5 mins trying to work out why you had a baseball *hat* for Adam? "
They were right all along - it makes you go blind |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
And eureka...I found the key..
"There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to."
Absolutely you shouldn't *have* to because people *should* be able to behave like the grown adults they are, be respectful, be considerate, read *and* take notice of profiles and not be entitled or expect sex or even a reply from every message they send - sadly though for *some* all those values and more go out the window when they get blinded by the "sex site" sign at the door.
It was ever thus sadly, and won't change either which is why things like filters are the only option for those that don't want to receive the bilge. Which then yes potentially means that person may miss out on a "good guy", or the "good guy" misses out on them, but I still say that in general the "good guys" don't miss out as a result of the behaviour of others other than on with specific person and even then if they stand out there's a chance that person will find them |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
First up, great work Adam, I had a baseball bat with your name on it you know me too well!
Why've I just spent 5 mins trying to work out why you had a baseball *hat* for Adam?
They were right all along - it makes you go blind "
|
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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago
Serendipity |
I think lockdown made me more inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt. So I’d reply even if at other times I’d have thought it wasn’t my kind of message. I had a real heart to heart with two men as a result of this who were going through incredibly tough times.
I think some men can write great - but aren’t necessarily a good sexual match. Others, get a bit tongue tied on what to say - sexually though they’re off the scale. It’s amazing where friendships can develop unexpectedly.
OP - your profile is so worth a read. Really made me think and I felt sad too.
|
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"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
OP. Interesting. My only thoughts are that you should put yourself first and keep thinking of others as you always do. Think of fab as sailing through thin pack ice and navigate it accordingly. Enjoy the beauty of your surroundings but be prepared for the odd bump where the thicker lumps of ice lay, often hidden, and they can catch you out ....
Oh ... And to show that I am not just philosophical.. keep sharing the stilleto pics...
That's pretty much what I do now. I can see instantly if it's a response to a forum thread and most of those will get opened.
Thank you Tom, I'm not gonna lie I was expecting something sarcastic when I saw your comment but have been pleasantly surprised and somewhat shocked. Appreciate your understanding and philosophical approach, and yes, I'll post some more pics, though I'll have to shave my feet first "
 well thank you..
I am all mouth and no trousers you know... |
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I had a think and reckon that, especially if you do your own searches, the fact most men have awful profiles means the gems will stand out.
It should be the same for messages, as long as you don't get 100s and check regularly. Most will be easy to delete, leaving the decent ones to have a proper look at. |
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By *abonWoman
over a year ago
L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham |
"To break new ground by quoting Gilbert and Sullivan on Fab...
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care —
Up goes the price of shoddy.
...translation..
you need the shit to see what shines. Numpties show the good guys.
BUT there is a broader point OP - given your profile at mo. It costs you to be bombarded, to have to harden youself to the dross, to say no to so many either directly or by simply not replying. We like to be good to others (well most of us do) so when we see ourselves slagging off it chips away at our self respect. In that sense - filter and protect you, the diamonds will find you one way or another. "
I like this a lot...it is the feeling of having to harden yourself that I don’t like. Not so much to the nasty messages because I don’t get that many...but the volume. I’m sad that I keep my filters closed as I’d love more spontaneous messages from a forum thread or a status...I do get drained just deleting because I empathise with the people who are looking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Obviously I’m going to agree with Peach instead of Gemini Man because Peach would fight dirty. However this is interesting
Yes there are some ladies who choose to lockdown their profiles tighter than a gnats proverbial because of the actions of *some* men on here, and that is of course their right to do
You know how every 15 minutes we get a new post on the fora (that’s the alert for Meli, like the Bat signal in the sky is for Batman) from a bloke who says “how do I message a woman so she answers me and preferably shags me?”
Maybe it’s worth looking at the differences between women’s profiles to see how they can write something that attracts the right sort of person.
Of course there will always be the FAF chancers but I wonder if there’s a way to make the experience better for everyone
Different profile text, pics, veris get different messages/ people mailing.
Some people will mail any profile. Some do read and digest.
First up, great work Adam, I had a baseball bat with your name on it you know me too well!
And Outsider, you're right.
Thing is it can take less time to look at the bloody tick boxes even than it does the pics do realise you aren't compatible.
I smoke.
I don't hide that I smoke.
Yet I still get messages from those who "won't meet smokers"
Don't fucking message wanting to meet or to invite me to a party or whatever where you wanna get down n dirty.
If I can see in 3 seconds that we aren't compatible then surely they can too.
L
A
Z
Y
Can you tell I'm due on?
"
Probably no-one looks at the Looking For tick boxes.
But if you delete everything off there it takes you off those searches.
You don't seem more feisty than normal, no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
"
So to be clear you want a perfect world, where your inbox is the most perfect on fab where only lovely fluffy messages get to you so you can have lovely chats with lovely guys that had you filtered them out may have missed out on.
So back to reality, the guys as you say messaging with cock in hand spoil it for the nice guys, ? Nonsense, they only spoil it for themselves. I have never spoke to a woman on Fab that said , sry i cant talk to you as i had so many bad messages today which is why i say nonsense. It only takes about 3 seconds to read or get the jist of a message and another 3 seconds to block or continue reading. It's not hard tbh.
If you want the good stuff unfortunately the bad stuff is always going to happen. Report and block and I'm sure within a few months, the bad stuff will die down to a manageable trickle.
Go either way, block or filter but it's your decision, not for us to tell you what's best for you.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"So to be clear you want a perfect world, where your inbox is the most perfect on fab where only lovely fluffy messages get to you so you can have lovely chats with lovely guys that had you filtered them out may have missed out on.
"
I don't believe PP said she *wants* anything to be honest - more she was opening things out to debate and indeed a vote on the lines of "Do *some* men spoil it for others?"
Her point being that by causing *some* women to lock down their profiles with filters, it prevents other decent and good men from contacting them, and thereby *does* spoil the experience for others - nowhere did she say she wanted the perfect world or expected it - only the most ideological idealist would think that possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So to be clear you want a perfect world, where your inbox is the most perfect on fab where only lovely fluffy messages get to you so you can have lovely chats with lovely guys that had you filtered them out may have missed out on.
I don't believe PP said she *wants* anything to be honest - more she was opening things out to debate and indeed a vote on the lines of "Do *some* men spoil it for others?"
Her point being that by causing *some* women to lock down their profiles with filters, it prevents other decent and good men from contacting them, and thereby *does* spoil the experience for others - nowhere did she say she wanted the perfect world or expected it - only the most ideological idealist would think that possible."
I will disagree with you GM , the op says roght through the post , I shouldn't have to etc, the post is about her decision and what she wants , shes not speaking for other women except when she says it spoils it for other men. I already said I don't agree with that though. Your highlighting the word some ,for no reason as she uses the word "i" more than anything.
Lastly the whole OP is about her "wants" ie the perfect world as far as Fab is concerned, nothing wrong with that but you and I know there's no such thing on Fab. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"So to be clear you want a perfect world, where your inbox is the most perfect on fab where only lovely fluffy messages get to you so you can have lovely chats with lovely guys that had you filtered them out may have missed out on.
I don't believe PP said she *wants* anything to be honest - more she was opening things out to debate and indeed a vote on the lines of "Do *some* men spoil it for others?"
Her point being that by causing *some* women to lock down their profiles with filters, it prevents other decent and good men from contacting them, and thereby *does* spoil the experience for others - nowhere did she say she wanted the perfect world or expected it - only the most ideological idealist would think that possible.
I will disagree with you GM , the op says roght through the post , I shouldn't have to etc, the post is about her decision and what she wants , shes not speaking for other women except when she says it spoils it for other men. I already said I don't agree with that though. Your highlighting the word some ,for no reason as she uses the word "i" more than anything.
Lastly the whole OP is about her "wants" ie the perfect world as far as Fab is concerned, nothing wrong with that but you and I know there's no such thing on Fab. "
We'll agree to disagree and I respect your opinion, but that's not how I read it at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
So to be clear you want a perfect world, where your inbox is the most perfect on fab where only lovely fluffy messages get to you so you can have lovely chats with lovely guys that had you filtered them out may have missed out on.
So back to reality, the guys as you say messaging with cock in hand spoil it for the nice guys, ? Nonsense, they only spoil it for themselves. I have never spoke to a woman on Fab that said , sry i cant talk to you as i had so many bad messages today which is why i say nonsense. It only takes about 3 seconds to read or get the jist of a message and another 3 seconds to block or continue reading. It's not hard tbh.
If you want the good stuff unfortunately the bad stuff is always going to happen. Report and block and I'm sure within a few months, the bad stuff will die down to a manageable trickle.
Go either way, block or filter but it's your decision, not for us to tell you what's best for you.
"
The bad stuff doesn't die down to a manageable trickle. There's a steady waterfall of rude disrespectful men ready to replace the blocked ones. They put many women off meeting anyone at all.
The bar gets stupidly low yet many men still can't reach it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
So to be clear you want a perfect world, where your inbox is the most perfect on fab where only lovely fluffy messages get to you so you can have lovely chats with lovely guys that had you filtered them out may have missed out on.
So back to reality, the guys as you say messaging with cock in hand spoil it for the nice guys, ? Nonsense, they only spoil it for themselves. I have never spoke to a woman on Fab that said , sry i cant talk to you as i had so many bad messages today which is why i say nonsense. It only takes about 3 seconds to read or get the jist of a message and another 3 seconds to block or continue reading. It's not hard tbh.
If you want the good stuff unfortunately the bad stuff is always going to happen. Report and block and I'm sure within a few months, the bad stuff will die down to a manageable trickle.
Go either way, block or filter but it's your decision, not for us to tell you what's best for you.
The bad stuff doesn't die down to a manageable trickle. There's a steady waterfall of rude disrespectful men ready to replace the blocked ones. They put many women off meeting anyone at all.
The bar gets stupidly low yet many men still can't reach it. "
I was always useless at the high jump. I trip over cracks in the pavement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Untick the looking for boxes and hide your profile when you arent using the forums, or even when you are, mail will drop drsmatically. Still exlecting horny men to read the text and abide by it, after all this time? Heard the saying that if you stop banging yiyr head against the wall it stops hurting? Same thing.
Put you first. Try and treat yourself with as much care and kindness as you would a close friend xx |
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Sorry, was on the late shift.
I know what to do, how to prevent it etc by being ruthlessly hard, I've been here plenty long enough and I know I can be silly but I'm far from stupid or naive.
Just more a friendly debate over something to pit myself and GM at opposing ends as it rarely happens at all.
Would I love a fluffy respectful world where non profile reading cock in hand types got an electric shooty bum if they attempted to mesaage without reading a profile? Of course I fucking would, that shizzle would be ace!
|
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"As I'm sure many of you have noticed (or not) myself and Gemini Man tend to agree on a lot of stuff.
It has dawned on me that there is something we do not agree on!
It's often said that the chancer disrespectful non profile reasing types spoil it for the good guys, and GM disagrees.
However... I, on this dreary morn am inclined to agree with the argument that actually, they do have a negative impact.
There have been many many message debates where people advise to tighten filters etc to enhance your fab experience and block unwanted mail.
I've been one of those who've said it myself but now, well, I don't think I should have to.
My profile text has led to some very interesting and emotional conversations from men who have been stung, who feel as though I've given them a voice, and I find that sad yet oddly comforting. Had I locked my inbox down these convos wouldn't have happened.
But... right now I'm getting close to lockdown of the box due to the plethora of shit and horn filled content and lack of content (wuu2 types) in there.
So yes, those cock in hand message senders in my opinion DO spoil things for the nice guys, coz if everyone was a respectful sort, I wouldn't be considering blocking all contact and I would read more messages and give them the time and response they deserve.
What I'm trying to say is the "good guys" will be unable to contact me due to the numpties, therefore the numpties will have spoilt it for the good guys.
So, I'm gonna put it to public vote as to who is right and who is wrong (we both are both depending on the individual responding I do believe)
Dunno Peachy ?? FAF ?? "
Alas I'm often blocked by age filters so I've not got any chance with lots before I even look at a profile! However being lovely I have managed to struggle on and met some lovely girls! Persistence and politeness are the keys?
Discuss? |
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"To break new ground by quoting Gilbert and Sullivan on Fab...
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care —
Up goes the price of shoddy.
...translation..
you need the shit to see what shines. Numpties show the good guys.
BUT there is a broader point OP - given your profile at mo. It costs you to be bombarded, to have to harden youself to the dross, to say no to so many either directly or by simply not replying. We like to be good to others (well most of us do) so when we see ourselves slagging off it chips away at our self respect. In that sense - filter and protect you, the diamonds will find you one way or another.
I like this a lot...it is the feeling of having to harden yourself that I don’t like. Not so much to the nasty messages because I don’t get that many...but the volume. I’m sad that I keep my filters closed as I’d love more spontaneous messages from a forum thread or a status...I do get drained just deleting because I empathise with the people who are looking. "
Well - finding it difficult is a good sign. If it were too easy in all circumstances you would clearly not be empathising. The trick is not to project too far beyond rationality. We are all somebody's daughter/somebody's son - but imagining all fabbers as delicate and sensitive, stricken Ophelia-like at your rejection, is *probably* a bit unlikely. Not 100% - Maybe just 95
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Having been shown (in person) female friends inboxes I can see why you’d just filter the crap out of it and mass delete.
Vulgar offers, unsolicited stories of things that sound like assault, random pictures of arseholes and things that are supposed to be a penis.
I don’t envy women at all, and if anything it actually makes me realise that blokes have it kind of easy on fab. If I get sent a message, it’s usually a happy experience. If I get a reply, likewise.
I wouldn’t want it the other way round. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry, was on the late shift.
I know what to do, how to prevent it etc by being ruthlessly hard, I've been here plenty long enough and I know I can be silly but I'm far from stupid or naive.
Just more a friendly debate over something to pit myself and GM at opposing ends as it rarely happens at all.
Would I love a fluffy respectful world where non profile reading cock in hand types got an electric shooty bum if they attempted to mesaage without reading a profile? Of course I fucking would, that shizzle would be ace!
"
You do have mail filters OP! X
I always wanted the block button to have a bomb sound and wild screaming.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can we have a 'too long, didnt read' option please"
As you can tell from my sick abs, I am far from lazy
Maybe you can feel my biceps and tell me how unlazy i am one day |
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I understand what you are saying and to an extent yes the "let me ram your pussy so hard you won't be able to walk"
Ruins it for the good guys. I have learnt to be harsh recently, reading deleting then blocking. Im not currently meeting anyway and am happy yo chat but that seems to make fellas think ill give in and meet. One reason I preferred clubs was no stupid messages.!
But read, delete, block is my new mantra!
Let's let the good guys in  |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"I also think there are plenty of blokes who have a great experience of the site, who do meet people, enjoy all the good stuff etc and *those* blokes obviously haven't had their experience ruined by anyone else."
My experience in the past.
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"Sorry, was on the late shift.
I know what to do, how to prevent it etc by being ruthlessly hard, I've been here plenty long enough and I know I can be silly but I'm far from stupid or naive.
Just more a friendly debate over something to pit myself and GM at opposing ends as it rarely happens at all.
Would I love a fluffy respectful world where non profile reading cock in hand types got an electric shooty bum if they attempted to mesaage without reading a profile? Of course I fucking would, that shizzle would be ace!
You do have mail filters OP! X
I always wanted the block button to have a bomb sound and wild screaming. "
Sound effects. Yes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I understand what you are saying and to an extent yes the "let me ram your pussy so hard you won't be able to walk"
Ruins it for the good guys. I have learnt to be harsh recently, reading deleting then blocking. Im not currently meeting anyway and am happy yo chat but that seems to make fellas think ill give in and meet. One reason I preferred clubs was no stupid messages.!
But read, delete, block is my new mantra!
Let's let the good guys in "
Can I ask, if you got a polite message, do you reply, even when the you know there won't be any inclination to chat afterwards, ie a polite no thx. ? |
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