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Redundant Apologies!!
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Why do some people on here, feel the need and urge to apologise for their sexual preferences, commonly around ethnicity? "I am not interested in Black/Asian/Indians (really sorry)" Why the sorry? I do not meet men, and wouldn't apologise for that... Surely a preference on this site is to do with sexual attraction. Has "sorry" got a new meaning while I was hiding in my cave?  |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh? |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh? "
This and also I suspect women get lots of abuse for simply writing 'no Asians\Blacks\Whites' etc.
By seeming to be apologetic it softens it and stops many being abusive.
Not saying they have to apologise or justifying idiots who can't understand or accept a preference but it just makes things simpler. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone bumps into me in the street when they're not looking where they're going and spills my coffee, I still say sorry.... ....but why the thread? I don't think it's really about sorry somehow but hopefully I'm wrong in that....   |
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"Why do some people on here, feel the need and urge to apologise for their sexual preferences, commonly around ethnicity? "I am not interested in Black/Asian/Indians (really sorry)" Why the sorry? I do not meet men, and wouldn't apologise for that... Surely a preference on this site is to do with sexual attraction. Has "sorry" got a new meaning while I was hiding in my cave? "
It’s as frustrating as ‘ just saying ‘ it’s an ineffective way of showing you’re unable to stand by your _iews or an opinion you share .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So they don’t come across as being racist/homophobic/sexist? Oh the power (apparently) of that word..."
Exactly. I find it highly pathetic to apologise for that. You have a sexual racial preference, fine but at least own it. D |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh? "
This |
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"It's passive aggression.
I don't like that ..... sorry!
Actually means....... I'm not sorry so like it or lump it. "
Exactly this ! ( I should have read the thread properly first  ) ... sorry ... not sorry ... just saying  |
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When politely turning down the offer of a meet I try to neber use the words sorry or unfortunately.
It's not something to apologise for or regret which implies that we've done something wrong. Its just that we aren't compatible  |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh? "
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When politely turning down the offer of a meet I try to neber use the words sorry or unfortunately.
It's not something to apologise for or regret which implies that we've done something wrong. Its just that we aren't compatible "
Agree but the ones putting it obviously thing that it is something wrong. |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners... "
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So I'm right in thinking that public opinion says that people not wanting to have sex with a person of colour or anyone they don't want to have sex with IS fine but if they say they're sorry then we must burn them in public (coz we're not angry or put out about that at all).....? |
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"So they don’t come across as being racist/homophobic/sexist? Oh the power (apparently) of that word...
Exactly. I find it highly pathetic to apologise for that. You have a sexual racial preference, fine but at least own it. D"
100%, |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction. "
Good shout,  , but then let it apply to all preferences, so for example you say I don't like "Fisting" and you add sorry! |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"So this thread in a way was a redundant sorry, in that it didn't address the real issue....
It is a discussion about an observation. I hope at the end of it, we would have garnered enough _iews, people won't feel the urge or need to be apologetic over their choices. "
I don’t think people are truly deeply sorry about their choices, as such. I think it’s just language and social etiquette, translating from the real world into Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction. "
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm right in thinking that public opinion says that people not wanting to have sex with a person of colour or anyone they don't want to have sex with IS fine but if they say they're sorry then we must burn them in public (coz we're not angry or put out about that at all).....? "
This one though^ |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word."
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head. |
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"Why do some people on here, feel the need and urge to apologise for their sexual preferences, commonly around ethnicity? "I am not interested in Black/Asian/Indians (really sorry)" Why the sorry? I do not meet men, and wouldn't apologise for that... Surely a preference on this site is to do with sexual attraction. Has "sorry" got a new meaning while I was hiding in my cave? "
I’m guessing it’s because race is often a very touchy subject - and people are often desperate not to be _iewed as racist.
I’m very open in that I have no interest in any man, black or white, who defines himself by his penis - whether that be bbc, bwc etc etc. Some have raised eyebrows at that - others know exactly where I’m coming from.
I know that I’m in no way racist and therefore don’t feel the need to be apologetic about my choices.
Btw op - great physique and well written profile! |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head. "
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
"
Does in mine too - but in all honesty I’m trying to see how far I can look up that mini dress!  |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
Does in mine too - but in all honesty I’m trying to see how far I can look up that mini dress! "
 |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense"
100% sense - I’m the same. |
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"Why do some people on here, feel the need and urge to apologise for their sexual preferences, commonly around ethnicity? "I am not interested in Black/Asian/Indians (really sorry)" Why the sorry? I do not meet men, and wouldn't apologise for that... Surely a preference on this site is to do with sexual attraction. Has "sorry" got a new meaning while I was hiding in my cave?
I’m guessing it’s because race is often a very touchy subject - and people are often desperate not to be _iewed as racist.
I’m very open in that I have no interest in any man, black or white, who defines himself by his penis - whether that be bbc, bwc etc etc. Some have raised eyebrows at that - others know exactly where I’m coming from.
I know that I’m in no way racist and therefore don’t feel the need to be apologetic about my choices.
Btw op - great physique and well written profile! "
May there be many like you, and thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense
100% sense - I’m the same. "
I’m curious to how the word ‘sorry’ makes the message appear nicer? |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners... "
You say ‘none would judge for a lack of manners’... this isn’t necessarily true. I would judge someone for what I perceived as lack of manners. I wouldn’t want to date them or shag them if I thought they lacked manners.
I’m not saying I consider people who don’t apologise for their preferences as lacking in manners. I’m saying if someone reads things on others’ profiles that they receive as harshly worded or lacking in “social niceness” - they may well judge. Hence why some people word their profiles with social niceness. |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh? "
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense
100% sense - I’m the same.
I’m curious to how the word ‘sorry’ makes the message appear nicer?"
It makes most messages seem nicer if it’s potentially not what a person wants to hear. Have you ever been unsuccessful for a job inter_iew? Did they call and say “you didn’t get it” or did they say “I’m sorry but you weren’t successful...” etc. Same as my above point if I was turning someone down for a date. I know a profile isn’t “turning someone down”, but it’s expressing what and who you don’t want, so it bears some similarities. As I said above, some people are just more inclined to use phrases that make things sound a bit softer and nicer because they may be mindful of the reader. Others won’t give a shit about the reader, and that’s fine too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's passive aggression.
I don't like that ..... sorry!
Actually means....... I'm not sorry so like it or lump it. "
What rubbish !!!
Someone makes a nice food dish
Reply is , sorry I can't eat that I'm diabetic or lactose intolerant,
Your saying there passive aggressive. ?
Profile wise
I don't meet someone that's this or that, sorry
What there saying is OK you took the time to read my profile but now you have came to a part that you may or may not be offended by my preferences, I apologise if you feel you have taken time to read my profile but now realise your not for me.
It's where most people nowadays get there knickers in a twist , because your offended by someone that does not automatially mean the other person must have been offensive.
Apologising, is not being passive aggressive, it's pandering to the easily offended, that see the offensive side of every little thing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are now in a culture of “ Likes “ and “ dislike’s “.
We can not find middle ground on any subject and agree to disagree......
So saying sorry after stating your honest opinion is used so the person who does not agree with you does not block you or unfriend you online..... |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense
100% sense - I’m the same.
I’m curious to how the word ‘sorry’ makes the message appear nicer?
It makes most messages seem nicer if it’s potentially not what a person wants to hear. Have you ever been unsuccessful for a job inter_iew? Did they call and say “you didn’t get it” or did they say “I’m sorry but you weren’t successful...” etc. Same as my above point if I was turning someone down for a date. I know a profile isn’t “turning someone down”, but it’s expressing what and who you don’t want, so it bears some similarities. As I said above, some people are just more inclined to use phrases that make things sound a bit softer and nicer because they may be mindful of the reader. Others won’t give a shit about the reader, and that’s fine too. "
I think we should be strong and confident enough about ourselves to know that people have preferences, which might not match with ours or exclude us.we should not need to be softened.. |
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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago
A little village |
"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense
100% sense - I’m the same.
I’m curious to how the word ‘sorry’ makes the message appear nicer?
It makes most messages seem nicer if it’s potentially not what a person wants to hear. Have you ever been unsuccessful for a job inter_iew? Did they call and say “you didn’t get it” or did they say “I’m sorry but you weren’t successful...” etc. Same as my above point if I was turning someone down for a date. I know a profile isn’t “turning someone down”, but it’s expressing what and who you don’t want, so it bears some similarities. As I said above, some people are just more inclined to use phrases that make things sound a bit softer and nicer because they may be mindful of the reader. Others won’t give a shit about the reader, and that’s fine too.
I think we should be strong and confident enough about ourselves to know that people have preferences, which might not match with ours or exclude us.we should not need to be softened.. "
I am both strong and confident as a woman. But my preference is to use softer language when I speak. It doesn’t mean I feel ashamed or as though I am “wrong” for my preferences. It’s just another aspect of my personality, along with my strength and confidence. They aren’t mutually exclusive qualities. |
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"We are now in a culture of “ Likes “ and “ dislike’s “.
We can not find middle ground on any subject and agree to disagree......
So saying sorry after stating your honest opinion is used so the person who does not agree with you does not block you or unfriend you online....."
We need to go back to a time where different shades of grey in life were accepted |
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"Sorry" doesn't just mean "I am apologising for something I have done wrong". It can be an expression of sympathy or empathy for example.
If we say "Sorry, we're not interested" it means that we don't like to disappoint somebody. We don't mean any harm by it. We understand that they were hoping for something that's not on the cards. |
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"In real life if someone asked me out and I didn’t fancy them, when I turned them down the word “I’m sorry” would be in there somewhere, eg “sorry I’m not interested but I like you as a friend”, Or “sorry but I’m not looking to date at the moment”... etc. Maybe people just use similar etiquette in here? Not that they should ever be “sorry” for their preferences, but that using this phrase when communicating it to others can make it feel a bit less harsh?
I see what you mean, but in your example, someone has approached you. But for a profile bio, just state what you want, without saying sorry, it is like you are blaming yourself for who you are... people will still get the message, and none would judge for a lack of manners...
Yes I get that, but for me a profile is still a form of communication with others, albeit no one has directly approached you yet. So some people may still word things in the same way they would in a real life interaction.
Really? I would have thought that most people can tell the difference between the written and spoken word.
My point was that both spoken and written words are forms of communication and some people ‘write the same as they speak’. Without context and tone of voice in the written word, it may come across as someone apologising for their choices and preferences, when in reality they’re just writing as they would speak, using similar social etiquette. Not sure if that makes sense - it does in my head.
I get it...for me it's being considerate of someone's feelings. I would not like to sound harsh or uncaring. I feel better being nice about it all..if that makes sense
100% sense - I’m the same.
I’m curious to how the word ‘sorry’ makes the message appear nicer?
It makes most messages seem nicer if it’s potentially not what a person wants to hear. Have you ever been unsuccessful for a job inter_iew? Did they call and say “you didn’t get it” or did they say “I’m sorry but you weren’t successful...” etc. Same as my above point if I was turning someone down for a date. I know a profile isn’t “turning someone down”, but it’s expressing what and who you don’t want, so it bears some similarities. As I said above, some people are just more inclined to use phrases that make things sound a bit softer and nicer because they may be mindful of the reader. Others won’t give a shit about the reader, and that’s fine too.
I think we should be strong and confident enough about ourselves to know that people have preferences, which might not match with ours or exclude us.we should not need to be softened..
I am both strong and confident as a woman. But my preference is to use softer language when I speak. It doesn’t mean I feel ashamed or as though I am “wrong” for my preferences. It’s just another aspect of my personality, along with my strength and confidence. They aren’t mutually exclusive qualities. "
100% respect that |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
+1 to pretty much everything Louanna Jo has said. Being unapologetic about your sexual preferances and being polite / nice in your use of language are not mutually exclusive to each other. Therefore in order to be unapologetic does not mean you have to be harsh or impolite.
However having said that, if someone doesn't choose to include the word 'sorry' in their profile or messages, you should't go out of your way to be offended by that. There seems to be a modern cultural thing (particularly online) of outrage and offence at things that aren't a big deal or even aimed at you.
At the end of the day, treat others how you yourself wish to be treated, is my philosophy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Loads ofthe women on hear are "race fetishists"
They see black man as a kind of taboo. They bring them in the back door etc....
They are a bit entitled personalities also. Very rude and stuff.
I've always dated outside my race/or culture but I am not exclusive. It seems coincidental. I would like a Saxon woman (I am not a saxon)...I would like to find a nice domme lady.
As someone who's dated out and lived on other continents I find the "preferences" on women's profiles very racist and distasteful.
Karen sees the black man as a kind of novelty house boy fuck boy for husband to watch.
I don't treat black women like that.
Honestly I could go with asian/white/black or whomever...
I just discovered the word "karen" and that sums up why I've dated out so much. |
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"+1 to pretty much everything Louanna Jo has said. Being unapologetic about your sexual preferances and being polite / nice in your use of language are not mutually exclusive to each other. Therefore in order to be unapologetic does not mean you have to be harsh or impolite.
However having said that, if someone doesn't choose to include the word 'sorry' in their profile or messages, you should't go out of your way to be offended by that. There seems to be a modern cultural thing (particularly online) of outrage and offence at things that aren't a big deal or even aimed at you.
At the end of the day, treat others how you yourself wish to be treated, is my philosophy."
And a good philosophy to have! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Loads ofthe women on hear are "race fetishists"
They see black man as a kind of taboo. They bring them in the back door etc....
They are a bit entitled personalities also. Very rude and stuff.
I've always dated outside my race/or culture but I am not exclusive. It seems coincidental. I would like a Saxon woman (I am not a saxon)...I would like to find a nice domme lady.
As someone who's dated out and lived on other continents I find the "preferences" on women's profiles very racist and distasteful.
Karen sees the black man as a kind of novelty house boy fuck boy for husband to watch.
I don't treat black women like that.
Honestly I could go with asian/white/black or whomever...
I just discovered the word "karen" and that sums up why I've dated out so much."
You are back..... please stay awhile and try not to get banned.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You are back..... please stay awhile and try not to get banned...."
Are you sure you have the right guy? I am always on and off because I prefer the bdsm sights.
Do you agree with me about their race fetishes?
I don't call african women "big black arses"
I don't drag them through the back door in shame.
I just like them often because the ones who like white men tend to agree with my _iewpoints.
The women who have a black fettish do seem mostly Distastefull to me.
(This is true and non steryotype)
Loads of black women like being dominant with white men. They see black men as too dominant to be subs.
I just like bossy divas. I am not exclusive to black women I just find I can be happy with them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you not get banned on hear?
Just don't upset left wing Karen's
I think they are the most racist people and malcome x made a speech about white liberals
Conservatives are more straight forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't say sorry unless I mean it. I won't be apologising for my preferences on a swingers website. There's no offence meant by it so no reason to apologise. Those that feel the need to apologise come across as the type of person that feels they should apologise for their mere existence! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You are back..... please stay awhile and try not to get banned....
Are you sure you have the right guy? I am always on and off because I prefer the bdsm sights.
Do you agree with me about their race fetishes?
I don't call african women "big black arses"
I don't drag them through the back door in shame.
I just like them often because the ones who like white men tend to agree with my _iewpoints.
The women who have a black fettish do seem mostly Distastefull to me.
(This is true and non steryotype)
Loads of black women like being dominant with white men. They see black men as too dominant to be subs.
I just like bossy divas. I am not exclusive to black women I just find I can be happy with them.
"
I don’t agree with most things you say.... But I like your honesty on the forums..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don’t agree with most things you say.... But I like your honesty on the forums....."
It's bolshie hear.
I often leave the websight because the forums aren't about free speech. The bdsm sight allows me free expression.
People will offend me but I don't report it to moderators.
It's a bit 1984/animal farm/labour party correctness hear
I like free speech and the right to "offend" someone by being a conservative.
These forums are all about giving fake left wing populist opinions and they report me to the secret police for not being politicly correct.
But like I say. I am not the one calling black women "big black arses"...because I see them as human beings...and they don't like it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry seems to be the general purpose word for folk learning english and britishness. They appear with multiple applications of the word. It's used to jump queues, generally to get what you want and fob people off with politeness. It stands in good stead when you can't be arsed to ask the right question.
Then the refusal to say sorry. Well the heavens can thunder,heads can roll, but will the guilty admit?
A word that has become perverted, usually false, seldom appropriate, one is obligated to receive it.
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"How do you not get banned on hear?
Just don't upset left wing Karen's
I think they are the most racist people and malcome x made a speech about white liberals
Conservatives are more straight forward."
On an earlier thread today I mentioned how exasperated I had become at sex toy that had been stuck up my ass all day and was not showing any signs of shifting .. I asked for help , none was forthcoming .. Then I read your line of “ conservatives being more straightforward “ and I laughed so hard the thing just shot out my ass and bounced of the living room door .. !! Thanks for the help .. well worth a visit here for that alone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don’t agree with most things you say.... But I like your honesty on the forums.....
It's bolshie hear.
I often leave the websight because the forums aren't about free speech. The bdsm sight allows me free expression.
People will offend me but I don't report it to moderators.
It's a bit 1984/animal farm/labour party correctness hear
I like free speech and the right to "offend" someone by being a conservative.
These forums are all about giving fake left wing populist opinions and they report me to the secret police for not being politicly correct.
But like I say. I am not the one calling black women "big black arses"...because I see them as human beings...and they don't like it.
"
You have the forums incorrect..... A woman or couple can say something negative and single man can’t....
The forums are not like Animal Farm.... More like a nudist hippie colony...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The forums are not like Animal Farm.... More like a nudist hippie colony......"
That's so true, as soon as you mention anything that could be slightly controversial it get's blocked.
I mean, for example, if I said I believe in equality for all, that should be seen positively, right?
But if I point out BLM is a political movement/organisation (that has it's own political agenda, motives and aims) then I'd be shot down by countless people saying that I don't understand (ermm, take a quick look at what you are saying). I'll happily say that Blue Lives Matter is equally as devisive and confrontational, if not more so.
The thread would probably also get locked for going off it's intended course, but it's true, in a sensative world we have to be careful about what opinions we are 'allowed' to express so the 'Sorry' culture is here to stay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do some people on here, feel the need and urge to apologise for their sexual preferences, commonly around ethnicity? "I am not interested in Black/Asian/Indians (really sorry)" Why the sorry? I do not meet men, and wouldn't apologise for that... Surely a preference on this site is to do with sexual attraction. Has "sorry" got a new meaning while I was hiding in my cave? "
Perhaps they feel the need to apologise for excluding entire races/sexes. Although things could certainly be worded a lot better when stating preferences I think. Stating what they ARE looking for rather than what they're not. Makes for a less ranty profile I think.
I personally love the "No offence" at the end of an insulting message. Proper takes the edge off lol. Along with "Don't take this the wrong way". Just blatant ways to try and seem less cunty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps they feel the need to apologise for excluding entire races/sexes. Although things could certainly be worded a lot better when stating preferences I think. Stating what they ARE looking for rather than what they're not. Makes for a less ranty profile I think.
I personally love the "No offence" at the end of an insulting message. Proper takes the edge off lol. Along with "Don't take this the wrong way". Just blatant ways to try and seem less cunty "
Simple question, do you have any preferences, height, weight, penis dimensions, personality traits, etc.?
Being all inclusive only works if we are truly open to all, let's be honest. you're not, I'm not, nobody is. It's easy to follow and preach a cause though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps they feel the need to apologise for excluding entire races/sexes. Although things could certainly be worded a lot better when stating preferences I think. Stating what they ARE looking for rather than what they're not. Makes for a less ranty profile I think.
I personally love the "No offence" at the end of an insulting message. Proper takes the edge off lol. Along with "Don't take this the wrong way". Just blatant ways to try and seem less cunty
Simple question, do you have any preferences, height, weight, penis dimensions, personality traits, etc.?
Being all inclusive only works if we are truly open to all, let's be honest. you're not, I'm not, nobody is. It's easy to follow and preach a cause though."
Of course I have preferences
When I am looking to meet, I state in my profile what I'm looking for. I don't list what I'm not looking for as I'd be there all day! Lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And that is why the world has gone mad, by stating what you are looking for is excluding so many..
According to many you are no longer able to have prefences for fear of excluding others, ffs get real people.
The political correctness is truly stifling and mad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And that is why the world has gone mad, by stating what you are looking for is excluding so many..
According to many you are no longer able to have prefences for fear of excluding others, ffs get real people.
The political correctness is truly stifling and mad. "
Nah, I just find it easier to list what I AM looking for. Less admin for me Absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences. Back to the OP's original question, I think there are many reasons why people say "sorry". I think some know they're going to offend by having preferences. So feel the need to apologise in advance. |
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