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By *uslaffMan
over a year ago
manchester |
A duck walks into a bar & says to the barman
"got any bread ?"
"sorry,we dont sell bread"
"got any bread ?"
"we dont sell bread"
"got any bread ?"
"if you ask for bread once more, Ill nail your beak to the fucking bar "
"got any nails ?"
"no"
"got any bread ?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mad Mary was whizzing round the mental hospital in her wheelchair when she was stopped by crazy Carl, "licence please" said Carl.
Mary sped off round the corner and bumped into loony Leon, "insurance please" said Leon.
Off zoomed Mary again until she was stopped by donkey Dave, naked with an eight inch hard on, "oh no" cried Mary "not the breathalyser again" |
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Great Loved it.......
Little girl was picking her mum some roses for mothers day when she got prickled by a thorn she went sobbing to her mum n says will you put it in cider please
Her mum says why cider
Little girl says I overheard my sister telling her.mate
When I get a prick in my hand she can't wait to get it in cider |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
I've got loads.....here's a couple
2 fish on a perch, one sez "Can you smell fish?"
I used to be a necrophiliac til this rotten cunt split on me
I've just bought a new book called "Dyslexia for Begonias"
I'm not posting any more jokes about dyslexics - you should see the messages I get....
Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently you have a greater chance of developing Tourettes in later life.......How the fuck these cuntbrained arseholes come up with these cocksucking titwank ideas is beyond me, fucksake!..
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't
Haikus can be fun,
But sometimes they don't make sense,
Refridgerator
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I walked into my house to find my wife gone and a note nailed to the wall.
We have your wife, if you want to see her again we want £500,000!
Don't contact the police, we are very determined. Await a phone call.
They weren't joking about being determined, I've had 36 missed calls from them now. |
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