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Being introverted
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Yes I get anxiety about initial meets. Which then gives me a nervous tummy, which then means I need a toilet close to hand, just in case.
I tend to prefer regular meets with someone for this reason.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep I'm dreadful. Don't message guys wait till they message me and if agree to a coffee meet I spend the whole time right up till we sitting having coffee waiting for him to cancel. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's more along the lines of I find it hard to talk about myself, like trying to sell myself to potential meets, it's a real dilemma for sure, that's why I also would love to find someone for regular meets, other than trying to chat up a lot of people, ah the joys haha |
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"Yep I'm dreadful. Don't message guys wait till they message me and if agree to a coffee meet I spend the whole time right up till we sitting having coffee waiting for him to cancel. "
Definitely this ^^^ |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I find it so easy to take over messages but then hit the panic button if meeting someone. I found its best not to plan initial meet too far in advance as I have less time to over think and panic  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely don’t plan too far in advance, I’m better these days over messages, if I can get past the initial meet I’m good, prefer meeting someone regularly, keep trying it does get easier  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep I'm dreadful. Don't message guys wait till they message me and if agree to a coffee meet I spend the whole time right up till we sitting having coffee waiting for him to cancel. "
I’m not sure if this is introvert behaviour. Sounds more like your confidence just needs boosting  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence? "
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence? "
Now that is a brilliant question. My bestie is very shy but I’m not. When we’re out together she bounces off me. Does that make sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am mildly introverted, so closer to being considered an ambivert or omnivert. Although I feel mild anxiety and neves meeting others I just get out there and enjoy it when I do. However if I am in social or work situations with bigger groups of people I am more nervous at first, but overcome those nerves quickly with a few rituals and enjoy myself. While I enjoy myself I am always grateful to be able to be on my own again afterwards to recharge my batteries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate "
You'll be lucky it doesn't work like that. It just becomes a spiral of hope, fear, anxiety and ultimately self despisal leading to mental health problems. You have no idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along. "
That was how I was when I was younger. I pretended to be outgoing and sociable and generally only really manger that by having a couple of drinks and too frequently made a bit of a tit of myself by over doing it. It was a lot easier when I realised it was ok to have a preference for introversion and I was able to lead a much more balanced life consequently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along. "
Caveat. Most people are not introverted or extroverted but ambiverted (a bit of both). I like to see it as a spectrum.
Also don't confuse shyness/lack of confidence with introversion.
Of course the definitions of intro/omni/extro/ambi may not actually exist at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along.
That was how I was when I was younger. I pretended to be outgoing and sociable and generally only really manger that by having a couple of drinks and too frequently made a bit of a tit of myself by over doing it. It was a lot easier when I realised it was ok to have a preference for introversion and I was able to lead a much more balanced life consequently."
Oh yes the alcohol solution I definetly become more extroverted when I get d*unk but not always in a good way.
I remember meeting a girl at a party when I was fairly gone on alcohol.
Later we met up and it didn't work out because me sober is not the same as me d*unk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along.
Caveat. Most people are not introverted or extroverted but ambiverted (a bit of both). I like to see it as a spectrum.
Also don't confuse shyness/lack of confidence with introversion.
Of course the definitions of intro/omni/extro/ambi may not actually exist at all. "
Well they are just a construct in terms of language however scientifically there is a difference how individuals respond to neurotransmitters and as you say it appears a bit like a scale. Apparently the differences are about how we respond to dopamine and acetylcholine and how they affect our pleasure centres..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate
You'll be lucky it doesn't work like that. It just becomes a spiral of hope, fear, anxiety and ultimately self despisal leading to mental health problems. You have no idea. "
It can work like that, it is what worked for me, not just talking about meeting people but all lifes situations, but I know everyone's fears and reactions to things are different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just withdraw further after every failure. Been like it as long as I remember. Have been lucky to have had 2 LTR over 24 years which failed and made it worse. But at least I know I am a complete misfit now and unable to get on with people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just fake it till you make it.
The other person knows nothing about you, so pretend to have some confidence when you meet them.
The more you do this the more naturally confident you will get.
It's hard, and you'll have to go through some awkward meets at first, but it does work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Homie can't fake it anymore. Too old. I do try but it never gets a reply even most times or just seen as another old, creepy pervert at best. What is the point in faking it? The whole purpose of my posting this is honesty.... Brutal, honesty. At least I have had a kind of exchange with humans today. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just withdraw further after every failure. Been like it as long as I remember. Have been lucky to have had 2 LTR over 24 years which failed and made it worse. But at least I know I am a complete misfit now and unable to get on with people. "
My longest relationship was 3 and half years about 30 years ago.
I had one for about 8 years but she lived with someone so it was never going to go anywhere.
I get on with people just fine - I just don't go out looking for it.
I'm quite happy in my own company and doing a few things where I am in the company of others.
If you want to mix more with people then try volunteering, or going to a cafe or pub or cinema on your own (three things I enjoy). But don't go with expectations of meeting someone. Just enjoy them for your own pleasure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I so forgot to say i live in a very quiet rural area and with work all the time the chance of actually getting to meet someone is next to nothing, and with this covid it's a very bleak picture indeed. I need to make some serious life choices. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along. "
This for me too.
The more I try and force myself to be sociable the more I withdraw. It’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.
Being spontaneous at times helps because you don’t give yourself time to overthink/worry about stuff, you just go with it.
I find I’m much more relaxed in the company of those who don’t mind quiet folk, and that relaxes me and puts me at ease. There are a lot of folk who find quiet people a bit disconcerting. But whether they are chatty or quiet themselves, so long as they don’t mind a bit of silence then it’s all good.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go with the flow.
I used to agonise over it until I thought this isn't always me or what I want to do.
If you are really introverted and not just lacking in confidence then you don't have to try to meet as many people as possible.
Get a rapport going - think do I really want to meet this person? If you're not sure then don't continue.
I have stopped trying to fit into the world of very sociable people. I go with my introversion and let things happen rather than trying to force it along.
This for me too.
The more I try and force myself to be sociable the more I withdraw. It’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.
Being spontaneous at times helps because you don’t give yourself time to overthink/worry about stuff, you just go with it.
I find I’m much more relaxed in the company of those who don’t mind quiet folk, and that relaxes me and puts me at ease. There are a lot of folk who find quiet people a bit disconcerting. But whether they are chatty or quiet themselves, so long as they don’t mind a bit of silence then it’s all good.
"
What I don't like is when there is quiet and someone feels the need to fill it.
I think it makes them nervous and they find it disconcerting.
I'm quite happy watching others, letting talk slip away.
I don't mind sitting at a table with talkative people and just listening and observing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does any other introverts find it difficult to meet people, I guess it might be a bit of an obvious answer. "
We’re part time introverts , we’re ok & like meeting other people regarding Fab but pretty much anything else we like to keep ourselves to ourselves. Seems pretty weird really I should imagine if people reading this statement. If we’re on our holidays we make sure not to get involved with the pool side gang or we find a secluded part of the beach So we haven’t got to talk to others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does any other introverts find it difficult to meet people, I guess it might be a bit of an obvious answer.
We’re part time introverts , we’re ok & like meeting other people regarding Fab but pretty much anything else we like to keep ourselves to ourselves. Seems pretty weird really I should imagine if people reading this statement. If we’re on our holidays we make sure not to get involved with the pool side gang or we find a secluded part of the beach So we haven’t got to talk to others "
Not weird to me. If it works for you why not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate "
That's reliant on someone actually agreeing to meet you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate
That's reliant on someone actually agreeing to meet you."
Or speak/chat to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate
That's reliant on someone actually agreeing to meet you.
Or speak/chat to you. "
Shhh... people get very upset when anyone suggests Fab isn't completely friendly and welcoming  |
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I'm an introvert, I'm okay meeting one on one but the thought of parties or clubs just turns me cold. I had a coping mechanism for parties when I was younger. Drink as much as you can as quick as you can, but these days I just avoid them x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
I would say just by doing more of what terrifies you so you become de sensitised to it. Plan things without putting any great store on the results, its just another drink in a pub not a potential soulmate
That's reliant on someone actually agreeing to meet you.
Or speak/chat to you.
Shhh... people get very upset when anyone suggests Fab isn't completely friendly and welcoming "
Quite It doesnt have to be just fab people though, there's a lot of people out there |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"It's more along the lines of I find it hard to talk about myself, like trying to sell myself to potential meets, it's a real dilemma for sure, that's why I also would love to find someone for regular meets, other than trying to chat up a lot of people, ah the joys haha "
definitely don’t like talking about myself and tend not to message people. If I do it’s not normally about meeting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence? "
Just go to a social meet with no expectations other than to enjoy meeting someone new and finding out something about them.
Think about doing something together, even if it's just walking round some shops. Conversations can spark from that.
Have a few questions or topics already in your head to steady any nerves about 'awkward silences'. You probably won't need them but it's reassuring.
Above all, just be yourself. And smile! |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
The more I want to do something the harder it becomes because of the pressure I put on myself.
I'm quiet and shy until I know people, even sending messages on here is extremely hard and talk myself out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
Just go to a social meet with no expectations other than to enjoy meeting someone new and finding out something about them.
Think about doing something together, even if it's just walking round some shops. Conversations can spark from that.
Have a few questions or topics already in your head to steady any nerves about 'awkward silences'. You probably won't need them but it's reassuring.
Above all, just be yourself. And smile! "
Again, this assumes someone is willing to meet you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does any other introverts find it difficult to meet people, I guess it might be a bit of an obvious answer. "
Yes and No.
I am "PANTs" in most formal social settings, dinner parties, work events, weddings, any huge party. Making lot's of effort to keep multiple people entertained and make interesting small talk - nah pass!
I am Okay (cool even) in most 1-2-1 setting; where its easier to be yourself.
I am also fine as a "lonewolf" hunting its prey in any bar or club setting which may lead to 1-2-1 encounters.
*Copious Amounts of Alcohol has always helped to *switch me out of my natural "INTJ" mode, I note, however. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
Just go to a social meet with no expectations other than to enjoy meeting someone new and finding out something about them.
Think about doing something together, even if it's just walking round some shops. Conversations can spark from that.
Have a few questions or topics already in your head to steady any nerves about 'awkward silences'. You probably won't need them but it's reassuring.
Above all, just be yourself. And smile!
Again, this assumes someone is willing to meet you."
Very true, been on here 5 years with one meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you boost the confidence?
Just go to a social meet with no expectations other than to enjoy meeting someone new and finding out something about them.
Think about doing something together, even if it's just walking round some shops. Conversations can spark from that.
Have a few questions or topics already in your head to steady any nerves about 'awkward silences'. You probably won't need them but it's reassuring.
Above all, just be yourself. And smile!
Again, this assumes someone is willing to meet you.
Very true, been on here 5 years with one meet"
And two very positive verifications. |
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By *nique_78Woman
over a year ago
Home, somewhere in Norfolk |
"Yep I'm dreadful. Don't message guys wait till they message me and if agree to a coffee meet I spend the whole time right up till we sitting having coffee waiting for him to cancel. "
100% true for me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just withdraw further after every failure. Been like it as long as I remember. Have been lucky to have had 2 LTR over 24 years which failed and made it worse. But at least I know I am a complete misfit now and unable to get on with people. "
I do this. The more rejection I face, the more disheartened I get and the less likely I am to message people. |
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I suffer from this affliction.
