FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Married men
Married men
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." Turn on in what way? Why is it a fetish? | |||
| |||
"I find sexually attractive people a turn on not their marital status. "  | |||
 | |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." Depends if they are cheating or not. Dishonesty is not something that we find attractive. In fact, it is quite the opposite. | |||
 | |||
"I love to play with a lady, without her fella's knowledge. Find it forbidden fun. "how would you feel if it was your wife, as someone else said, its not swinging, its cheating, its a big no from us, it can destroy families | |||
"I love to play with a lady, without her fella's knowledge. Find it forbidden fun.
how would you feel if it was your wife, as someone else said, its not swinging, its cheating, its a big no from us, it can destroy families"Agree why would any genuine swinger cross the line ?. I thought swinging was about love and trust in a relationship so why would anyone set out to upset someone elses? | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I'd happily meet a married guy in an open relationship but it's not really a turn on, it's just a thing." I agree to the open relationship part. It’s proving it that’s the issue | |||
"I'd happily meet a married guy in an open relationship but it's not really a turn on, it's just a thing. I agree to the open relationship part. It’s proving it that’s the issue " Personally I've been lied to by more men claiming to be single than those who tell you they're married and open/poly. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down "Ok I’ve had some messages and I just wanna say, I’m clearly joking | |||
"I'd happily meet a married guy in an open relationship but it's not really a turn on, it's just a thing. I agree to the open relationship part. It’s proving it that’s the issue Personally I've been lied to by more men claiming to be single than those who tell you they're married and open/poly. " Exactly. Xx | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down "I dont believe that from you ! | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
Ok I’ve had some messages and I just wanna say, I’m clearly joking" . Ffs | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down "But you wouldn't be, would you? A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else. If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair. But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't."You are going to have to stop being sensible mate, people find it far more fun to be illogical and judgemental
Mr | |||
 | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't."I know queenie wasn’t being serious but I totally agree with what you’ve said here | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't." | |||
| |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't." | |||
"Big fat no from us to there's swinging and adultery, never the twain shall meet" Not condoning it but let’s not pretend any of us on here are saints! Adultery is a consensual sexual relationship or encounter between someone who's married and a person they're not married to (who may or may not be married to someone else). In other words, it can be between two people who are both married to other people, or between a married person and a nonmarried person. | |||
"I know queenie wasn’t being serious but I totally agree with what you’ve said here "Yup, I know she wasn't either, but thought it was a point worth making. | |||
"I know queenie wasn’t being serious but I totally agree with what you’ve said here
Yup, I know she wasn't either, but thought it was a point worth making."Definitely. Probably one of the most true and sensible things said on one of these threads! | |||
If a married female wants to be with me, I'm single. Her business and reasons and risks are her own. Is it a fetish? Dunno.
To people who think I'm an awful person, remember, the majority of people think everybody on fab are bad. Perhaps I'm just too honest  | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't."While it's true that the relationship is clearly crumbling before they meet anyone in order for it to happen, by becoming involved with that person there is the potential for their spouse to find out about you and it therefore result in the breakdown of their family. While it's true that if it wasn't you then it will likely just be someone else then that is up to that other person. While it may be inevitable eventually, I'd never want to be the woman that Mummy found out Daddy was shagging and and therefore split up with Daddy. I may not be the cause of all the problems in their relationship in the first place but my involvement would have still been the cause of the hurt to the wife and kids. I would still be devastated if I was deceived into it but if I chose to be involved I personally would feel complicit as I knew that was a potential outcome. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't."I agree, but of course there's a but... It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing. Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable. By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc) Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved. It's sad when you think about it. Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned. Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me. | |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." Isn't this the root of swinging? Fucking each other's partners. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
"Great counter, Peaches... but I don't agree that counselling is frowned upon. | |||
| |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
"I really do think EVERY situation is different though Peach. You’re one of the handful of people who know mine. I’ve met married men and some of the stories are heartbreaking. Men who are doing it for the “thrill of cheating” I’m not interested in at all. Peoples stories are so so different. Counselling is all very well but what if you love someone so much but there’s no intimacy anymore. It’s not going to make them want you, not in your mind anyway and who wants to be intimate with someone who doesn’t really want to? There’s kids, finances, so many things often involved. I’ve always agreed if you’re married then you tell the other person. That way they get to make an informed decision on whether they want to meet. Your situation was totally different and you know my heart broke for you. x | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
"What do you do if you've begged and begged your partner for 5 years to try counseling and they tell you there is no point, nothing can be done you just have to love me as I am? (Asking for a friend ) | |||
"I wanted to go to counciling with my ex. He always refused. And then he cheated... " Same
The amount of people that in an attempt to make themselves feel less guilty say "but I've tried EVERYTHIIIIIIING"
Oh really, how did you find counselling?
"Eh? Fuck that, I sort my own problems out"
Ah, you clearly haven't and clearly don't. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
What do you do if you've begged and begged your partner for 5 years to try counseling and they tell you there is no point, nothing can be done you just have to love me as I am? (Asking for a friend )"If I'd asked to go to counseling and my partner refused, I'd move on. Not wait for five years. | |||
| |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
I really do think EVERY situation is different though Peach. You’re one of the handful of people who know mine. I’ve met married men and some of the stories are heartbreaking. Men who are doing it for the “thrill of cheating” I’m not interested in at all. Peoples stories are so so different. Counselling is all very well but what if you love someone so much but there’s no intimacy anymore. It’s not going to make them want you, not in your mind anyway and who wants to be intimate with someone who doesn’t really want to? There’s kids, finances, so many things often involved. I’ve always agreed if you’re married then you tell the other person. That way they get to make an informed decision on whether they want to meet. Your situation was totally different and you know my heart broke for you. x "I do understand the grey areas, I really do. I know on my moral high horse at times it may come across that I don’t, but I do. For me, that's when you tell them the truth. I love you with me entire being, but the lack of intimacy is breaking me as a human. I respect you and don't want to hurt you, but it IS hurting me. Deeply. Without that discussion and real opening up, nothing will progress in any way other than possible resentment. Years could be lost when all along the other person would be fine with intimacy being sought elsewhere as long as the love remained at home. The question I ask is this... If your spouse died before you could you carry their coffin with pride in your heart that you did all you could for the both of you, or guilt and sorrow that you wished you did things differently? | |||
"I find sexually attractive people a turn on not their marital status. " This for me too | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
I really do think EVERY situation is different though Peach. You’re one of the handful of people who know mine. I’ve met married men and some of the stories are heartbreaking. Men who are doing it for the “thrill of cheating” I’m not interested in at all. Peoples stories are so so different. Counselling is all very well but what if you love someone so much but there’s no intimacy anymore. It’s not going to make them want you, not in your mind anyway and who wants to be intimate with someone who doesn’t really want to? There’s kids, finances, so many things often involved. I’ve always agreed if you’re married then you tell the other person. That way they get to make an informed decision on whether they want to meet. Your situation was totally different and you know my heart broke for you. x
I do understand the grey areas, I really do. I know on my moral high horse at times it may come across that I don’t, but I do.
For me, that's when you tell them the truth. I love you with me entire being, but the lack of intimacy is breaking me as a human.
I respect you and don't want to hurt you, but it IS hurting me.
Deeply.
Without that discussion and real opening up, nothing will progress in any way other than possible resentment.
Years could be lost when all along the other person would be fine with intimacy being sought elsewhere as long as the love remained at home.
The question I ask is this...
If your spouse died before you could you carry their coffin with pride in your heart that you did all you could for the both of you, or guilt and sorrow that you wished you did things differently?"And I understand this too. It really is such a difficult and heartbreaking position for people to be in sometimes. On both sides x | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
What do you do if you've begged and begged your partner for 5 years to try counseling and they tell you there is no point, nothing can be done you just have to love me as I am? (Asking for a friend )"I would take that that I'm more invested in the relationship than they are. I would then seek counselling alone, to give me the strength to make a decision based on what's right for me, as they aren't prepared to accept the relationship has issues that may be solvable or be willing to try. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
I really do think EVERY situation is different though Peach. You’re one of the handful of people who know mine. I’ve met married men and some of the stories are heartbreaking. Men who are doing it for the “thrill of cheating” I’m not interested in at all. Peoples stories are so so different. Counselling is all very well but what if you love someone so much but there’s no intimacy anymore. It’s not going to make them want you, not in your mind anyway and who wants to be intimate with someone who doesn’t really want to? There’s kids, finances, so many things often involved. I’ve always agreed if you’re married then you tell the other person. That way they get to make an informed decision on whether they want to meet. Your situation was totally different and you know my heart broke for you. x
I do understand the grey areas, I really do. I know on my moral high horse at times it may come across that I don’t, but I do.
For me, that's when you tell them the truth. I love you with me entire being, but the lack of intimacy is breaking me as a human.
I respect you and don't want to hurt you, but it IS hurting me.
Deeply.
Without that discussion and real opening up, nothing will progress in any way other than possible resentment.
Years could be lost when all along the other person would be fine with intimacy being sought elsewhere as long as the love remained at home.
The question I ask is this...
If your spouse died before you could you carry their coffin with pride in your heart that you did all you could for the both of you, or guilt and sorrow that you wished you did things differently?
And I understand this too. It really is such a difficult and heartbreaking position for people to be in sometimes. On both sides x"100% | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
I agree, but of course there's a but...
It could be repairable if the person chasing some tail put as much effort into communicating with their spouse as they do sending messages or communicating with the "tail" they're chasing.
Of course it's a 2 way street and communication can't be done alone, but so many take the "easy" option of looking elsewhere when in fact, if they did make an effort they'd realise it's solvable.
By allowing someone to use you as their distraction you can and should be held accountable for your part in the breakdown if the inevitable happened (getting caught, heartbreak etc)
Maybe if more people suggested "hey you know what, couples counselling might help" instead of viewing things through their own selfish eyes and thinking "well if I don't someone else will so fuck it" then more hearts and marriages could get saved.
It's sad when you think about it.
Cheating can see people end up in counselling due to having their world ripped apart, yet going to counselling BEFORE that stage and learning how to deal with problems, how to communicate properly and arming yourselves with the tools to deal with issues is frowned upon and shunned.
Pretty fucking backwards if you ask me.
I really do think EVERY situation is different though Peach. You’re one of the handful of people who know mine. I’ve met married men and some of the stories are heartbreaking. Men who are doing it for the “thrill of cheating” I’m not interested in at all. Peoples stories are so so different. Counselling is all very well but what if you love someone so much but there’s no intimacy anymore. It’s not going to make them want you, not in your mind anyway and who wants to be intimate with someone who doesn’t really want to? There’s kids, finances, so many things often involved. I’ve always agreed if you’re married then you tell the other person. That way they get to make an informed decision on whether they want to meet. Your situation was totally different and you know my heart broke for you. x "That’s a very eloquent way of saying it Nora. This has been an interesting thread to read with contrasting views as always. We’re in a similar situation as I recall and your comments and those of some others are making me think again and that’s always a good thing. For me the one take out is the pint you make at the end - honesty between us Fabbers is key. We can make up our own minds about how we feel about meeting married people. | |||
Lu  | |||
| |||
"A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else." That’s true but you have to remember the law sees it differently and when a guy has assets it’s quite common for his wife name a woman who had sex with him when suing , in some countries and states the woman can even be sued directly | |||
| |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't."This is a great way of looking at it.... problem within not cause with out! | |||
| |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." Married or cheating? Two very different things, Cheating no. Married yes. | |||
| |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down "My kinda women | |||
| |||
"That’s true but you have to remember the law sees it differently and when a guy has assets it’s quite common for his wife name a woman who had sex with him when suing , in some countries and states the woman can even be sued directly " You clearly have absolutely no knowledge or understanding of how divorce works in the UK, and how assets are split. I hope in your nievity that you never find out first hand. | |||
| |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't.
While it's true that the relationship is clearly crumbling before they meet anyone in order for it to happen, by becoming involved with that person there is the potential for their spouse to find out about you and it therefore result in the breakdown of their family. While it's true that if it wasn't you then it will likely just be someone else then that is up to that other person. While it may be inevitable eventually, I'd never want to be the woman that Mummy found out Daddy was shagging and and therefore split up with Daddy. I may not be the cause of all the problems in their relationship in the first place but my involvement would have still been the cause of the hurt to the wife and kids. I would still be devastated if I was deceived into it but if I chose to be involved I personally would feel complicit as I knew that was a potential outcome. "Completely agree. | |||
| |||
" Some will find it an ego boost that another person would risk their marriage, probably their house and put their finances on the line all to spend time with THEM." If you're desperately unhappy in a marriage, loosing that could feel like a small price to pay. There is nothing more complex than the relationship between a couple. | |||
"My wife told me she no longer had any real interest in sex, she said it was just an age thing and nothing to do with me personally. She understood I still had a high sex drive and told me she has no problem if I get it elsewhere provided I keep that side of my life private. I said I'd look for couples rather than single women to keep it as a purely physical rather than emotional experience. Personally I'm not sure how to feel about this, whilst it's nice to look around and maybe fulfill a fantasy or two, ultimately it breaks my heart that my wife no longer has any interest in intimacy with me after almost 23 years of marriage and two kids. Maybe I just need to accept it." Often in a relationship, no sex, you're ex. Sounds like that's what neither of you want. Hope you both find a solution. | |||
"My wife told me she no longer had any real interest in sex, she said it was just an age thing and nothing to do with me personally. She understood I still had a high sex drive and told me she has no problem if I get it elsewhere provided I keep that side of my life private. I said I'd look for couples rather than single women to keep it as a purely physical rather than emotional experience. Personally I'm not sure how to feel about this, whilst it's nice to look around and maybe fulfill a fantasy or two, ultimately it breaks my heart that my wife no longer has any interest in intimacy with me after almost 23 years of marriage and two kids. Maybe I just need to accept it." Sad and yet so common. This is what I mean about everyone’s situation is different. People are entitled to their say but so often on here people just label others as lying cheating scumbags. Don’t think anyone has on this thread yet but it happens a lot. I don’t like to see that. There’s no need. | |||
"People are entitled to their say but so often on here people just label others as lying cheating scumbags." We are each responsible for how our moral compass spins, and where it finds true north. We are not responsible for, not should we pass judgement, on the direction or sweep of the moral compass of others. You only walk your journey, not the journey of others. | |||
"My wife told me she no longer had any real interest in sex, she said it was just an age thing and nothing to do with me personally. She understood I still had a high sex drive and told me she has no problem if I get it elsewhere provided I keep that side of my life private. I said I'd look for couples rather than single women to keep it as a purely physical rather than emotional experience. Personally I'm not sure how to feel about this, whilst it's nice to look around and maybe fulfill a fantasy or two, ultimately it breaks my heart that my wife no longer has any interest in intimacy with me after almost 23 years of marriage and two kids. Maybe I just need to accept it." And if you sought to satisfy your desires elsewhere is it respectful to do so hidden away in the shadows or openly in your partners face ? Either answer has its pro's and cons and either way someone could get hurt. | |||
"And if you sought to satisfy your desires elsewhere is it respectful to do so hidden away in the shadows or openly in your partners face ?" As the person who posted their situation said, their spouse gave their blessing but didn't want to know about it... so it's already been answered. | |||
"People are entitled to their say but so often on here people just label others as lying cheating scumbags. We are each responsible for how our moral compass spins, and where it finds true north. We are not responsible for, not should we pass judgement, on the direction or sweep of the moral compass of others. You only walk your journey, not the journey of others." If people are rude and personal I shall pass judgment. | |||
| |||
"This all got a bit heated lol. I’m just talking about the odd occasion sexual dalliance. Not full blown romantic affairs. I don’t understand how you could effectively have two long term partners at once. In a relationship of years, you live together, you know all their friends, met their family etc.... hoe can you not know? " OK. The guy who cheated on me: I worked shifts including weekends, he worked Monday-friday. He went to the pub most nights while I was at work... and the ones I wasn't working. It was his social life, his "wind down" time. A few times something didn't sit right in my tummy. I KNEW he was cheating but just couldn't prove it. One night I even left work early coz he said he was at home but in my gut I knew he wasn't. He wasn't. I was home alone one evening whilst he was at the pub and something inside me told me to get my arse there quick smart. I phoned a taxi and went right there... in my pyjamas! I looked through the window and he was talking to a woman I'd heard him mention before. I was just waiting for them to kiss or something and do my burst through the door caught ya red handed scene. The barman spotted me out the window and waved. Cover blown. So he comes outside, gives me the Spanish Inquisition as to why I was there. I told him I just wanted to spend some time with him. Yes. I lied. Anyway, he takes me into the pub, walks me straight over to Woman A shall we call her. Introduces me to her then points at some random bloke and tells me that's her boyfriend. He knew I knew. I could tell by the reaction and following actions. Those following actions were asking me if I wanted a cigarette and lets go outside. I went. We never had that cigarette. I was dragged to the car by my hair, shoved in it then driven home at a speed that made my toes curl. Getting screamed at the whole time about being an embarrassment to him, what would people think etc. We screech to a halt outside our house and I'm dragged back out of the car and thrown onto the pavement. He sped back off. He never came home that night, and I scoured the streets for his car, phoning hospitals thinking he had crashed considering how erratically he was driving. Anyways, we spoke when he eventually came home a day n half later, after people had been trying to find him. He said he slept in his car by the canal bridge near the pub. I'd been there, he wasn't there. I told him exactly what I thought and the real reason I turned up at the pub. I was called crazy, I was accused of being a cheat, because only a cheat would think that way, I was judging him by my own standards apparently. I kicked him out a year later. After he went, I decided it was time to start living again. The responsible person in me thought it would be sensible to get STD checked even though I'd not slept with anyone other than him in 11 years. If you don't hear anything within 2 weeks you have the all clear. Of course I never expected the call I got... Chlamydia. 15 months after he went Woman A contacted me. They'd split and she felt the need to come clean with me. She told me everything, even sent a copy of a photo of him in her bed. You know how photos get date stamped if you go into "details" area on the pic. Yep. That night from the pub. So, sometimes you DO know, but they try to convince you that you're crazy, that you're mad. That you have no fucking clue what you're on about. So not only did his cheating give me major trust issues and a mental breakdown, it gave me chlamydia too. | |||
| |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." I think women switch off to “married” Men they may fancy them but because they’re “married” They leave well alone | |||
| |||
" I kicked him out a year later. " He treated you like that, and you waited a year? Your story is horrific. You were with a major arsehole. Nobody would condone what he did. | |||
" I kicked him out a year later. He treated you like that, and you waited a year? Your story is horrific. You were with a major arsehole. Nobody would condone what he did." Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip of the iceberg. My point was that sometimes you know, but without proof and only a gut feeling, well... When people are close to getting rumbled, when the sniffer dogs are near the gear, people can behave irrationally coz they panic. How many people have met a married person and thought yep, great time had by both, sweet. Then the married person gets questions when they get home. Their spouse has a gut feeling but not sure what or why, so they start to ask questions. Bet there's way more beatings taken place, and way more claims of insanity thrown about than any of us realise.... all to protect themselves. It never ends as just sex. There will always be a consequence at some point in time. | |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." Nope, each to their own though and good luck with your search. | |||
"Is that a no? Lol" Apparently so. Didn't you hear, we're all vile cheats for which there is no accetable reason. | |||
" Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip of the iceberg." Your tale and experience is harrowing. Some men a right cunts, but please do not generalise all of us. We may have our faults, but what you experienced at the hands of a man, many men have experienced at the hand of a woman. | |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years. Depends if they are cheating or not. Dishonesty is not something that we find attractive. In fact, it is quite the opposite. " Spot on with this!! | |||
"I suspect this will be one of those threads where people who don't approve will be vocal while those who do mostly keep quiet and neither side will gain anything. I have seen several profiles that state they will play with married people, either because they enjoy it or simply because they feel there's less likely to be complications. We all have a mix of morals and desires and they sometimes clash. Thinking that you'd hate to be cheated on but enjoying the thrill of having someone else's partner is no more of a cognitive dissonance than eating chicken even though you hate the thought of the poor things living a life of caged misery, or spending £50 on a meal out having switched the telly off midway through an appeal from the DEC. We all have the ability to ignore suffering of others and absolve ourselves from responsibility in order to do the things we want. Mr" The voice of reason. | |||
" Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Your tale and experience is harrowing. Some men a right cunts, but please do not generalise all of us. We may have our faults, but what you experienced at the hands of a man, many men have experienced at the hand of a woman. " Go back and read it again, I have used the words person and spouse as I've not been foolish enough to think that cheating, lies and violence are gender specific. | |||
" Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Your tale and experience is harrowing. Some men a right cunts, but please do not generalise all of us. We may have our faults, but what you experienced at the hands of a man, many men have experienced at the hand of a woman. " | |||
Mr | |||
"In my case it wasn't lack of sex, it was lack of intimacy. Apart from when she wanted sex (which even till near the end was at least once a week) there was no intimacy allowed. We would hold hands, cuddle etc but nothing more than you'd do with your grandkids/dog. When she wanted sex I was expected to turn on my own libido like a performing monkey. Any attempt to be intimate while she was awake would be met with either stone like immobility or a gentle removal of hands/repostion/pull away. If she was asleep and I cuddled her she would snuggle against me, if my hands wondered it would be a loud huff or tut, physically pushed away and she'd roll away from me - great asleep. I could have managed without sex, but not intimacy. I wish I knew and understood then what I do now. Would I have still cheated? Probably not. Would we still be together? I doubt it, we may well have finished much sooner. When someone claims to love you more than anything and would do anything for you but in reality is more in need of maintaining their own self image than not hurting you it is time to walk. The truth is, it was more important to her to believe she was the perfect wife at the mercy of her hormones (which she couldn't control so were not her fault) than understand that you don't need a libido to be intimate. That intimacy isn't the same as sex but it is vitally important. I wish I had realised that she wasn't who she believed she was, who I believed she was. I wish I'd known that it wasn't sex I needed, I wish I had got out before I had a breakdown. But on the plus side, I met her ladyship
Mr"I have so much respect for this post. Thank you for sharing. | |||
"Does anyone else find the fact someone’s married a proper turn on? It’s been a huge fetish of mine for years." The possibility of knowing they are willing to hurt someone they love that loves them? Wondering what else they could lie about? The chance of me being the one to get the blame for ruining a relationship/marriage/family for playing my part in their lies and deception? Complety ignoring my own moral compass after knowing how it feels to be put in this very position? Yeah, such a turn on I have to change my pants | |||
"People are entitled to their say but so often on here people just label others as lying cheating scumbags. We are each responsible for how our moral compass spins, and where it finds true north. We are not responsible for, not should we pass judgement, on the direction or sweep of the moral compass of others. You only walk your journey, not the journey of others. If people are rude and personal I shall pass judgment. " Everyone passes judgment. It’s human nature. | |||
| |||
" Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Your tale and experience is harrowing. Some men a right cunts, but please do not generalise all of us. We may have our faults, but what you experienced at the hands of a man, many men have experienced at the hand of a woman. " I read her horrible experience and I don’t see anywhere in her post where she generalise all men. Can you point it out? | |||
| |||
" Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Your tale and experience is harrowing. Some men a right cunts, but please do not generalise all of us. We may have our faults, but what you experienced at the hands of a man, many men have experienced at the hand of a woman. " What difference does it make to anyone else if she does need to tar all men with the same brush? Of course some men also have the same experience. But she is looking after herself. And she has every right to. | |||
" I read her horrible experience and I don’t see anywhere in her post where she generalise all men. Can you point it out?" She generalises the experience... have another read. But that's not the point of the thread. | |||
" I read her horrible experience and I don’t see anywhere in her post where she generalise all men. Can you point it out? She generalises the experience... have another read. But that's not the point of the thread." But she didn’t generalise men which is what you implied. | |||
" Oh there's way more than that. That was just the tip But she is looking after herself. And she has every right to." Yes, she has, and I'm glad she is looking out for herself. | |||
"But she didn’t generalise men which is what you implied. " Okay, there was an implication that cheating men also are the purveyors of domestic violence, such that they go hand in hand... As a previous victim of DV, it's an emotive subject, worthy of a thread in it's own right. Lets not confuse the two here. | |||
| |||
"But she didn’t generalise men which is what you implied. Okay, there was an implication that cheating men also are the purveyors of domestic violence, such that they go hand in hand... As a previous victim of DV, it's an emotive subject, worthy of a thread in it's own right. Lets not confuse the two here." I didn’t get that implication at all. A woman who went through hell told of her experience where she had a gut feeling and acted upon it, she then made a second post about how sometimes you know and just have a gut feeling. Not once was there a sense of generalising men at all. I’m not sure at what part in her post you came to the conclusion she was generalising. I’ve read it three times and can’t figure it out. | |||
" I read her horrible experience and I don’t see anywhere in her post where she generalise all men. Can you point it out? She generalises the experience... have another read. But that's not the point of the thread." I answered the question: how can someone have 2 relationships on the go and you not know? So I shared my experience of how I was led to believe I was going crazy. Tricks and tactics used by *some* cheats/manipulators to continue down the betrayal route. I can only speak of my own experiences, and they are partly why I am who I am now. If sharing my life experience can save another person from enduring what I did, then I'll keep talking and sharing. | |||
" I read her horrible experience and I don’t see anywhere in her post where she generalise all men. Can you point it out? She generalises the experience... have another read. But that's not the point of the thread. I answered the question: how can someone have 2 relationships on the go and you not know? So I shared my experience of how I was led to believe I was going crazy. Tricks and tactics used by *some* cheats/manipulators to continue down the betrayal route. I can only speak of my own experiences, and they are partly why I am who I am now. If sharing my life experience can save another person from enduring what I did, then I'll keep talking and sharing." Please do keep talking and sharing. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I know exactly how it feels to have a gut feeling and not know exactly how to act on it. | |||
"If sharing my life experience can save another person from enduring what I did, then I'll keep talking and sharing." Nobody should have had to experience what you have experienced. I'm glad you've the strength to share, and hope it helps someone else. Good luck to Peaches. | |||
"But she didn’t generalise men which is what you implied. Okay, there was an implication that cheating men also are the purveyors of domestic violence, such that they go hand in hand... As a previous victim of DV, it's an emotive subject, worthy of a thread in it's own right. Lets not confuse the two here." Of course they don't go hand in hand, but I'm willing to bet it happens more than we realise. Yes, I said that. I did not at any point reference men when I said it. I said PEOPLE when backed into a corner, when they're close to being rumbled may panic. Panic may not result in violence, but will likely result in lies. Those lies do more damage than people imagine. | |||
"But she didn’t generalise men which is what you implied. Okay, there was an implication that cheating men also are the purveyors of domestic violence, such that they go hand in hand... As a previous victim of DV, it's an emotive subject, worthy of a thread in it's own right. Lets not confuse the two here. Of course they don't go hand in hand, but I'm willing to bet it happens more than we realise. Yes, I said that. I did not at any point reference men when I said it. I said PEOPLE when backed into a corner, when they're close to being rumbled may panic. Panic may not result in violence, but will likely result in lies. Those lies do more damage than people imagine. "  | |||
| |||
"Of course they don't go hand in hand, but I'm willing to bet it happens more than we realise. Yes, I said that." There are two issues... lets keep it off this thread. | |||
"I do want to point out there are women playing away on here too. While I'm aware men are the majority,let's not forget it both ways " I think everyone knows that. :D But in turn there are far more men than women on here so conversations will always reflect that. | |||
"Of course they don't go hand in hand, but I'm willing to bet it happens more than we realise. Yes, I said that. There are two issues... lets keep it off this thread." Why tho? It's part of my experience, part of the consequences of getting too close to the truth. I won't be the only one. Lies did more damage and made me lose more faith in humanity and the world than taking any punches. The lies are what led me to a breakdown, the lies are what kept me from leaving my house because the world and everyone in it was a threat. The lies and deception are what kept me off work for 9 months trying to build up my confidence to know who in this world was telling the truth, who in this world I could trust. I personally think, that as those lies and deception are absolutely something that goes hand in hand with cheating, then the impact should without doubt be something that's discussed. | |||
"Why tho? It's part of my experience, part of the consequences of getting too close to the truth. I won't be the only one. Lies did more damage and made me lose more faith in humanity and the world than taking any punches. The lies are what led me to a breakdown, the lies are what kept me from leaving my house because the world and everyone in it was a threat. The lies and deception are what kept me off work for 9 months trying to build up my confidence to know who in this world was telling the truth, who in this world I could trust. I personally think, that as those lies and deception are absolutely something that goes hand in hand with cheating, then the impact should without doubt be something that's discussed." Okay, as you ask... You are saying that cheating and DV (Domestic Violence) go hand in hand. THAT is not only wrong, but a very dangerous assumption that combines two unrelated issues. I'm uncomfortable with it because it plays down both. If I'm understanding your journey correctly, you had a partner who cheated on you, AND that same partner was also a perpetrator of DV. That your partner was a cheater does not automatically make him a perpetrator of DV. That he was a perpetrator of DV does not automatically make him cheater. Essentially, the issue here is that you got involved with a cunt. I don't like the word, don't use it often, but here it is appropriate. And that's the important thing here. The failure in character was not you, but him. Let me show in a question for you. There is a lot of condemnation of those breaking the offside rule here. Just leave they say. Yet you waited twelve months to chuck out a bloke who was chatting and liked to engage in a bit of DV. If it wasn't easy for you to leave, why would it automatically be easy for those in unfulfilling relationships to do the same? Feel free to take this offline with me. | |||
"Fuck yeah. I love being the potential reason a family and marriage breaks down
But you wouldn't be, would you?
A marriage breaks down because of the two people inside the marriage. If one or both decide to go elsewhere, then you are not the cause of that, but a symptom of the problems they are facing. Without denting your confidence, if the marriage has got to that point, if it's not you then in time it would just be someone else.
If someones status is known to the other party, then they are free to make a choice with full knowledge based on their own moral compass. To withhold their status and lead somebody on is unfair.
But to answer OP's question... some will, some won't."This
In my case found out the Mrs had already cheated much more to it than that but this isn't the place etc.. | |||
"Why tho? It's part of my experience, part of the consequences of getting too close to the truth. I won't be the only one. Lies did more damage and made me lose more faith in humanity and the world than taking any punches. The lies are what led me to a breakdown, the lies are what kept me from leaving my house because the world and everyone in it was a threat. The lies and deception are what kept me off work for 9 months trying to build up my confidence to know who in this world was telling the truth, who in this world I could trust. I personally think, that as those lies and deception are absolutely something that goes hand in hand with cheating, then the impact should without doubt be something that's discussed. Okay, as you ask... You are saying that cheating and DV (Domestic Violence) go hand in hand. THAT is not only wrong, but a very dangerous assumption that combines two unrelated issues. I'm uncomfortable with it because it plays down both. If I'm understanding your journey correctly, you had a partner who cheated on you, AND that same partner was also a perpetrator of DV. That your partner was a cheater does not automatically make him a perpetrator of DV. That he was a perpetrator of DV does not automatically make him cheater. Essentially, the issue here is that you got involved with a cunt. I don't like the word, don't use it often, but here it is appropriate. And that's the important thing here. The failure in character was not you, but him. Let me show in a question for you. There is a lot of condemnation of those breaking the offside rule here. Just leave they say. Yet you waited twelve months to chuck out a bloke who was chatting and liked to engage in a bit of DV. If it wasn't easy for you to leave, why would it automatically be easy for those in unfulfilling relationships to do the same? Feel free to take this offline with me." I'll happily take it offline, but please, re-read where I said they go hand in hand. I said lies and cheating go hand in hand, not DV. However I did experience both. I've also experienced my most recent relationship breaking down because low and behold, I found out he was also not being honest. No he wasn't cheating on me as such, but he was effectively cheating on his wife. At no point did I say he was violent to his wife. I do not believe this man would ever raise his hand to a woman. So no, I do not and will not be accused of saying they DO go hand in hand. What I will say, and stand by is that it probably happens more than people realise when the person who is being lied to gets too close to the truth. Not all, of course not all. I've not said once that it's easy for those in unfulfilling relationships to leave, hell I know first hand how difficult it is. I also know that it's a choice to leave, just the same as it's a conscious decision to cheat. They are both life changing. | |||
"I'll happily take it offline, but please, re-read where I said they go hand in hand. I said lies and cheating go hand in hand, not DV. However I did experience both. " Let me open by saying to you Peaches that I'm not having a go at you, and as you will understand, we both have seats on the same bus. I don't think I'm alone in reading the nuance of your earlier posts where there defiantly was an implication that DV, chatting and lies go hand in hand. The issue of DV is very real, complex, and difficult to eradicate. For the perpetrators of DV, be they male or female, they know that the crimes they commit are unlikely to lead to prosecution, let alone be investigated. Why? Because it's behind closed doors, and if there are witnesses they are likely to be children, and the Courts are hugely reluctant to put children in the witness box against a parent. In my opinion, a person who is willing to engage in DV will do so without needing any other circumstances other than being a lowlife. Don't complicate the issue by suggesting their double life being exposed was a requirement. It wasn't. They don't need an excuse to engage in DV, just an opportunity. Hit back they say. If a woman did that to me I'd punch her lights out they say. Well, I was brought up not to hit a woman, and chose to use my strength to protect myself, my children and rebuild my life. Easy? No, not easy at all. Worthwhile? Absolutely, and I know I did the right thing. If anybody else here is a victim of DV, either male or female, reach out for help and break free. It won't be your fault, and your life will be so much more happier out. | |||
| |||
"I'll happily take it offline, but please, re-read where I said they go hand in hand. I said lies and cheating go hand in hand, not DV. However I did experience both. Let me open by saying to you Peaches that I'm not having a go at you, and as you will understand, we both have seats on the same bus. I don't think I'm alone in reading the nuance of your earlier posts where there defiantly was an implication that DV, chatting and lies go hand in hand. The issue of DV is very real, complex, and difficult to eradicate. For the perpetrators of DV, be they male or female, they know that the crimes they commit are unlikely to lead to prosecution, let alone be investigated. Why? Because it's behind closed doors, and if there are witnesses they are likely to be children, and the Courts are hugely reluctant to put children in the witness box against a parent. In my opinion, a person who is willing to engage in DV will do so without needing any other circumstances other than being a lowlife. Don't complicate the issue by suggesting their double life being exposed was a requirement. It wasn't. They don't need an excuse to engage in DV, just an opportunity. Hit back they say. If a woman did that to me I'd punch her lights out they say. Well, I was brought up not to hit a woman, and chose to use my strength to protect myself, my children and rebuild my life. Easy? No, not easy at all. Worthwhile? Absolutely, and I know I did the right thing. If anybody else here is a victim of DV, either male or female, reach out for help and break free. It won't be your fault, and your life will be so much more happier out." Sound, what I will say is if it sounded asthough I was implying the DV and cheating go hand in hand I wasn't. Maybe I worded it badly I don't know, but reading it back I still can't see it. Cheating and lies do go hand and hand with cheating. Cheating and lies caused me personally more damage than taking a beating. I'm not speaking for everyone, and haven't tried to. I've merely spoken for me and my own experience. I think I made that pretty clear. | |||
| |||
"I'll happily take it offline, but please, re-read where I said they go hand in hand. I said lies and cheating go hand in hand, not DV. However I did experience both. Let me open by saying to you Peaches that I'm not having a go at you, and as you will understand, we both have seats on the same bus. I don't think I'm alone in reading the nuance of your earlier posts where there defiantly was an implication that DV, chatting and lies go hand in hand. The issue of DV is very real, complex, and difficult to eradicate. For the perpetrators of DV, be they male or female, they know that the crimes they commit are unlikely to lead to prosecution, let alone be investigated. Why? Because it's behind closed doors, and if there are witnesses they are likely to be children, and the Courts are hugely reluctant to put children in the witness box against a parent. In my opinion, a person who is willing to engage in DV will do so without needing any other circumstances other than being a lowlife. Don't complicate the issue by suggesting their double life being exposed was a requirement. It wasn't. They don't need an excuse to engage in DV, just an opportunity. Hit back they say. If a woman did that to me I'd punch her lights out they say. Well, I was brought up not to hit a woman, and chose to use my strength to protect myself, my children and rebuild my life. Easy? No, not easy at all. Worthwhile? Absolutely, and I know I did the right thing. If anybody else here is a victim of DV, either male or female, reach out for help and break free. It won't be your fault, and your life will be so much more happier out. Sound, what I will say is if it sounded asthough I was implying the DV and cheating go hand in hand I wasn't. Maybe I worded it badly I don't know, but reading it back I still can't see it. Cheating and lies do go hand and hand with cheating. Cheating and lies caused me personally more damage than taking a beating. I'm not speaking for everyone, and haven't tried to. I've merely spoken for me and my own experience. I think I made that pretty clear." I don’t think you worded it badly at all. | |||
