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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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think about small talk. Love it or loathe it? A master if it or absolutely useless?
I hate it and tend to get bored after the initial hi, how are you? Probably because I'm no good at it and can't stand it when it gets to '.. and what do you do?'. I am not my job.
Thoughts and general mockery please.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I enjoy small talk but, I enjoy talking absolute rubbish at the best of times. If the people who I am talking to aren’t interested I end up looking an idiot. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If it doesn't quickly move on from small talk usually by someone saying and what do think about.. or do you like.. I tend to start just nodding and mmmhmmm-ing until I can get away.
I also tend to give monosyllabic (indication that I'm not that interested) answers to small talk. I know I'm not much of a conversationalist in RL unless you really know me or hit upon a subject which interests me. |
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"If it doesn't quickly move on from small talk usually by someone saying and what do think about.. or do you like.. I tend to start just nodding and mmmhmmm-ing until I can get away.
I also tend to give monosyllabic (indication that I'm not that interested) answers to small talk. I know I'm not much of a conversationalist in RL unless you really know me or hit upon a subject which interests me. "
Why don't you lead it away from small talk then?
Conversations are two way, and you shouldn't expect the person talking to you to lead all the time.
They may find it hard to have conversations too, but at least if they are having small talk with you, they are trying. |
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I say that because I find it hard to start conversations, and sometimes fall back on small talk to try pushing past the silences and find something to open up into a proper conversion.
However if the other person doesn't even respond to the small talk, there is not really anything that can be done, and the date will be ruined.
Basically, responding politely is always appreciated and it will make the date better for both parties. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If it doesn't quickly move on from small talk usually by someone saying and what do think about.. or do you like.. I tend to start just nodding and mmmhmmm-ing until I can get away.
I also tend to give monosyllabic (indication that I'm not that interested) answers to small talk. I know I'm not much of a conversationalist in RL unless you really know me or hit upon a subject which interests me.
Why don't you lead it away from small talk then?
Conversations are two way, and you shouldn't expect the person talking to you to lead all the time.
They may find it hard to have conversations too, but at least if they are having small talk with you, they are trying."
Because at that moment in time I can't always think of what to say. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. I can't continue a conversation for the sake of it if I'm not feeling a connection, energy, vibe or something. |
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I think if you're not feeling a vibe and can't be bothered opening up the conversation or replying politely, then it's not an issue with small talk and deeper conversations will not resolve that.
It sounds like it's just not there, and that is fine. It happens. |
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Having attended kink socials for years I am totally out of the habit of asking that as lots of people are private about their jobs. However, with it not being the norm for me in conversation anymore, there are two aspects of this question that annoy me. People who clearly only ask as they want the question returned so they can peacock about their career or men who only ask all the other men and not the women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi. You ok?
I hate that one!  "
I’ve always wondered what would people prefer other than that or variations there of as an opening gambit? Hating it is fair enough. But unless in a situation were I can make a piffy remark that is either really funny (in my head) or really terrible (everyone elses head and mine one I have said the words) I don’t have much else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have to put yourself in the other person's shoes as they may be feeling exactly the same as you... but they are trying and you are not. "
I don't think I have ever had an actual date with a girl or chatted one up or even asked one out on a date or been asked out on a date.
It just happens. One minute we're chatting the next snogging, after that we're arranging to see each other again.
I have tended to have never really gone out there and looked for it. If it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't.
Probably why I like the forums because it is more likely to happen organically rather than forced ie through messaging, winking or whatever.
In other, non-romantic, situations I just don't engage if I'm not interested. I've done Ok over the years - that is how I am. |
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I’ll just leave it at that 