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A struggling neurotypical.
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Bloke I know seems to me to be neurodiverse whereas I'm very typical. All my family are typical and apart from some friends children I've realised I've not been engaging properly with others I've come across who are diverse.
This particular man is a work colleague and I'm failing to communicate with him. Nothing major, no feelings hurt but I'm struggling to be clear with him.
Now I realise that men in general like a more direct approach, clear communication, say what you mean sort of thing (same as me really) but I'm letting this particular colleague down. Soooo many crossed wires and misinterpretation.
How can I address this without speaking to him like he's 5 years old?
What advice would you offer me?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?
Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense? "
He is missing key information? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you considered summarising exactly what you need him to do. I know it sounds basic but many people don't. "
Or asking him to summarise back to you what his understanding of what you have asked is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I realise you don't want to treat him like a 5 year old, but if I've given my kids multiple instructions, I get them to bullet point them in order back to me.
Do you mean in a general conversational way or an instructional work way btw? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have work emails, maybe send an email summary with bullet points of the tasks that are required. I'm dyslexic so I do this with others who are, to avoid confusion between us. "
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"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?
Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?
He is missing key information?"
Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?
Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?
He is missing key information?
Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle."
I’m slightly confused now Topsy, sorry. |
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"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?
Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?
He is missing key information?
Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle."
Depending on him, this maybe too much information in one go. Maybe do your good morning and hello chat, go do something for a couple of minutes then come back to the tasks that need doing |
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"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?
Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?
He is missing key information?
Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle.
I’m slightly confused now Topsy, sorry."
Same, I don't understand. |
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"Bloke I know seems to me to be neurodiverse whereas I'm very typical. All my family are typical and apart from some friends children I've realised I've not been engaging properly with others I've come across who are diverse.
This particular man is a work colleague and I'm failing to communicate with him. Nothing major, no feelings hurt but I'm struggling to be clear with him.
Now I realise that men in general like a more direct approach, clear communication, say what you mean sort of thing (same as me really) but I'm letting this particular colleague down. Soooo many crossed wires and misinterpretation.
How can I address this without speaking to him like he's 5 years old?
What advice would you offer me?
"
Eh? I think I can see where your colleague is coming from. |
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Men and women communicate in totally different ways. Do some basic reading up on Transactional Analysis or better still neurolinguist programming NLP. A basic understanding of these would help you understand the differences in male/female use, application and comprehension of the use of the spoken word. It's not just about the spoken word used remember communication is also 60% body language. Also body language is read differently by males and females. For example having a conversation with woman as a male you see her nodding her head positively up and down. This doesn't mean she agrees, it mean she is hearing and processing what he is saying, it does not necessarily mean she agrees with what is being said. Does this make sense?
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I wonder if this guy is similar to my father in some ways and since her head injury my mother.
When I tell them about something that's happened I need to break it down into sections of information and give it to them a piece at a time rather than e.g. telling them about an event that requires them to piece information together. So instead of relating an anecdote in one go, I have to start with the groundwork, let them take that in and build on it.
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Bloke I know seems to me to be neurodiverse whereas I'm very typical. All my family are typical and apart from some friends children I've realised I've not been engaging properly with others I've come across who are diverse.
This particular man is a work colleague and I'm failing to communicate with him. Nothing major, no feelings hurt but I'm struggling to be clear with him.
Now I realise that men in general like a more direct approach, clear communication, say what you mean sort of thing (same as me really) but I'm letting this particular colleague down. Soooo many crossed wires and misinterpretation.
How can I address this without speaking to him like he's 5 years old?
What advice would you offer me?
"
Clarify something for me, do you have the impression/opinion this colleague is on the spectrum? |
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How about just naming the problem and asking what you can do to address it?
I think that works no matter if he's neurodivergent or not, and no matter how he is (because neurodivergence isn't just one thing, obviously)
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Thanks to all of you, your input has highlighted lots for me, loads to consider and learn and I shall be looking at ways to improve my communication.
As always, forumites are there for support and a bit of a giggle, ta  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks to all of you, your input has highlighted lots for me, loads to consider and learn and I shall be looking at ways to improve my communication.
As always, forumites are there for support and a bit of a giggle, ta "
Was this some kind of experiment, were we Guinea pigs ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My niece is a bit like this. You have to ask her directly and succintly what you want her to do, only give her one task at a time and don't use metaphors or ambiguous language. She does well with lists she can tick off each task.
An example would be - you can't just tell her to tidy her room, you have to tell her where to put things and which bits to tidy. |
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By *erman8Man
over a year ago
plymouth |
I do agree.
From what you (the OP) say, it sounds like he may be on the autistic spectrum. Some people like to self disclose their condition, some don't and some don't know. If he is (and I am actually qualified to speak due to the work I do), try to avoid open questions and metaphors. |
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"I do agree.
From what you (the OP) say, it sounds like he may be on the autistic spectrum. Some people like to self disclose their condition, some don't and some don't know. If he is (and I am actually qualified to speak due to the work I do), try to avoid open questions and metaphors."
I know you say you're qualified to speak due to your work but I'm interested to know how you've come to that conclusion from what's been written here. |
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