FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Establishing and building confidence
Establishing and building confidence
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Take time out for myself, don't attempt something I know I can't do or carry through with, be honest to yourself, take one day at a time, start small, don't try to be something your not, don't go with the herd, plough your own furough, if it hasn't gone your way step back relax and reflect before trying again...  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It’s strange, I don’t feel like I have any confidence in myself at all but people seem to tell me all the time that I’m a very confident person.
Is it a cover up to act confident when you don’t feel it or is acting confident the first step towards being confident ? Honestly I don’t know but I try to act it even when I don’t feel it and I’ve done stuff that I never thought I’d be able to both in personal life and career so I guess for now I’ll just continue to act confident as see how it goes |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It’s strange, I don’t feel like I have any confidence in myself at all but people seem to tell me all the time that I’m a very confident person.
Is it a cover up to act confident when you don’t feel it or is acting confident the first step towards being confident ? Honestly I don’t know but I try to act it even when I don’t feel it and I’ve done stuff that I never thought I’d be able to both in personal life and career so I guess for now I’ll just continue to act confident as see how it goes "
I think it can be both. I think you can get an easier ride if you seem confident, which can help you build confidence.
For me it was never enough and I had to build myself from within. Which is fucking hard. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I really wanna quote blurs park life here but I’ll resist.
I think confidence is something that has to be worked at and for most people it is fleeting.
I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.
I have some great memories to fall back on in these times and have managed to surround myself with people who think a lot of me and I them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think there's something very liberating about saying "I am enough". Not I'm amazing or wonderful, but I'm enough. I'm part of a whole, I contribute. Being good enough isn't a bad thing, and giving 100% or more all the time is difficult or impossible.
I think confidence exists on a spectrum, to a point, and being adequate and happy is better than striving for amazing while wallowing in self-doubt. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.
"
If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think there's something very liberating about saying "I am enough". Not I'm amazing or wonderful, but I'm enough. I'm part of a whole, I contribute. Being good enough isn't a bad thing, and giving 100% or more all the time is difficult or impossible.
I think confidence exists on a spectrum, to a point, and being adequate and happy is better than striving for amazing while wallowing in self-doubt."
Agree. I wouldn't say I was completely confident and I still get hellish nervous when doing something new. But I'd rather have wobbles and be adequate and content than amazing. And being slightly nervous is better than some stuff I've gone through. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.
If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement "
Not really sure what your point is there but if you wanna call it contradictory then whatever.
It’s just like you asking a friend if she likes your hair or dress or makeup.
Self doubt lives in everyone everywhere. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Applying oneself relentlessly and telling yourself the person next to you is feeling exactly the same.
The amount of times I've been in stressful situations to be told afterwards how calm I appeared has been many. Inwardly I was a bag of nerves.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ve always been a very confident person, right from when I was a very small child. For the very first time in my life, lockdown has led to me not being able to do what I want and things not going to plan. I’m trying to look at it as a learning experience by reflecting on what’s happened and my behaviour... I hope it’ll end soon.
Playing that Chumbawumba sing in my head now: I get knocked down... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve always been a very confident person, right from when I was a very small child. For the very first time in my life, lockdown has led to me not being able to do what I want and things not going to plan. I’m trying to look at it as a learning experience by reflecting on what’s happened and my behaviour... I hope it’ll end soon.
Playing that Chumbawumba sing in my head now: I get knocked down..."
Tubthumping  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I own my life, my happiness and my outlook on things. I have achieved throughout my life by working hard and keeping my feet firmly on the ground. I am confident but humility and authenticity are equally important to me.
'The day you forget where you came from, is usually the first day of your downfall' has served me very well as a mantra in my life and career.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's good to remember that not being over confident actually helps keep us in check, it reminds us to be thoughtful and careful.
Don't take on too much. I overwhelmed myself with decorating last week instead of giving myself a break, I had a cry but was reminded by friends that Rome wasn't built in a day and the only deadline on it was the one I was putting on myself. I slept on it, went in the next day with the attitude that I don't need to rush, yes, I needed certain bits done for safety and I needed to prioritise those.
So yeah, prioritising what matters, that helps. Plus giving yourself a break, and giving yourself credit for trying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It's good to remember that not being over confident actually helps keep us in check, it reminds us to be thoughtful and careful.
Don't take on too much. I overwhelmed myself with decorating last week instead of giving myself a break, I had a cry but was reminded by friends that Rome wasn't built in a day and the only deadline on it was the one I was putting on myself. I slept on it, went in the next day with the attitude that I don't need to rush, yes, I needed certain bits done for safety and I needed to prioritise those.
So yeah, prioritising what matters, that helps. Plus giving yourself a break, and giving yourself credit for trying."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Years of therapy. That's genuine, not flippant. It has taught me to recognise the thoughts of self-doubt, know the cause, and replace them with something more realistic and helpful.
It's still hard, it's tiring to keep up, and my general confidence is not high. But it is no longer non-existent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.
If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement
Not really sure what your point is there but if you wanna call it contradictory then whatever.
It’s just like you asking a friend if she likes your hair or dress or makeup.
Self doubt lives in everyone everywhere."
Can relate totally to what you're saying and don't see it as contradictory at all - I accept me for who I am, warts and all, and in that respect I'm confident but it doesn't mean I wouldn't rather some of those warts could be frozen off either.
And confidence is of course a preference of the habitual voyeur of what is known as....
You might not have gone there Sam but I am  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.
If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement "
Not at all, I'm genuinely confident in certain areas but there are other scenarios that may not come round all that often that cause me self doubt or self loathing.
A lot of the time its based on how you have performed previously with tasks or situations, how often you've been in that situation, and the outcome itself. When other people are involved you don't always have to be confident in yourself, sometimes you need to have confidence in others too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There's definitely an element of 'fake it til you make it' agree with other posters that acting confident often makes life easier so you become more confident.
You've also got to remember that most people have imposter syndrome at some point and it's probably those who never doubt themselves you should worry about.
Certainly when I think of colleagues it's the over confident ones I watch the most! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Years of therapy. That's genuine, not flippant. It has taught me to recognise the thoughts of self-doubt, know the cause, and replace them with something more realistic and helpful.
It's still hard, it's tiring to keep up, and my general confidence is not high. But it is no longer non-existent."
You and me both |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It depends what area of my life I need a confidence boost in at that time.
I can be very confident to the world while crumbling inside, which I'm very good at doing especially for the last few months.
I have my family, some wonderful, dear friends, music and my writing to help when it's needed. Sometimes a cuddle from my kids is all I need.
Great thread Swing, very thought provoking |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to have confidence, then I lost it and now trying to build it all up again.
I became very depressed for the last 4-5 years but met someone that made me feel I'm actually better than I thought and so I've been working it all back up bit by bit.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but as long as I'm someone's Pepsi Max that's all I really care about! I am who I am, and I am learning to accept that what I see in the mirror is good enough. It's a long process to accept, but I'm getting there. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I brim confidence when it comes to work.
For things that I have to do personally about the house or for the family that involve external parties I am confident.
When it comes to me as a person singular then I have no confidence at all. It was stripped from me too early in life and will never come back.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I brim confidence when it comes to work.
For things that I have to do personally about the house or for the family that involve external parties I am confident.
When it comes to me as a person singular then I have no confidence at all. It was stripped from me too early in life and will never come back.
"
And that's just it, for the majority of people there is no *absolute* confidence that covers every single aspect of their lives, just confidence around elements of what we do - as for those areas where we are less confident it either comes to acceptance of that, or working with it as best we can, either masking it or building it over time.
Expecting complete confidence is expecting the virtually impossible |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like that I am less confident, less certain than I was. My confidence was based on illusion. I find being more stumbling, inquiring, sensitive and compassionate a more authentic way of being for me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I like that I am less confident, less certain than I was. My confidence was based on illusion. I find being more stumbling, inquiring, sensitive and compassionate a more authentic way of being for me."
The pendulum definitely swings too far sometimes. Difficult to find a balance between self doubt and over confidence |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.
If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement
Not really sure what your point is there but if you wanna call it contradictory then whatever.
It’s just like you asking a friend if she likes your hair or dress or makeup.
Self doubt lives in everyone everywhere.
Can relate totally to what you're saying and don't see it as contradictory at all - I accept me for who I am, warts and all, and in that respect I'm confident but it doesn't mean I wouldn't rather some of those warts could be frozen off either.
And confidence is of course a preference of the habitual voyeur of what is known as....
You might not have gone there Sam but I am "
Cheers GM
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My confidence goes up and down all the time... one minute I feel confident and sexy.... and the next I feel fat as fuck and going to delete this because who would even want to go with me!?
But I think it’s just lockdown fever... I need the gyms to reopen ... I need some fun back and I need to feel like myself again... hopefully there’s light at the end of the tunnel soon! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How do you develop confidence in yourself? Sustain it, when the going gets tough? "
It’s a very long process, which goes in fits and starts, I’m currently not so confident in myself, so finding things a bit hard.
It’s a constant work in progress for me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How do you develop confidence in yourself? Sustain it, when the going gets tough?
It’s a very long process, which goes in fits and starts, I’m currently not so confident in myself, so finding things a bit hard.
It’s a constant work in progress for me "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
